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Doggone It, Sarah Palin Wants an 'SNL' Cameo Of Her Own

Kyle Buchanan — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:20:21 EDT

Appearing in the flesh on Saturday Night Live is a time-honored ritual for many political names, including the three biggest of this past election cycle: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have both put in cold opening cameos, while John McCain actually hosted SNL in 2002. Still, for all the mileage that the show has wrung out of Sarah Palin's vice presidential candidacy, Palin herself has yet to appear on the show — though according to the Chicago Sun Times, that may change very soon. In fact, sources in the McCain camp say that they have a very specific idea in mind to help Palin avenge herself upon the fired, lifeless body of her nemesis, Tina Fey:

Some key McCain staffers are content with Palin joking about the "SNL" routines on the campaign trail — as when she scribbled "I'm not Tina Fey" on a supporter's cell phone and said she'd dressed as Fey on Halloween. But others — including the governor herself — think a return punch on the NBC airwaves is what's needed.

I'm hearing some sort of Palin tweak of Fey's American Express commercials is in the works.

While next weekend's ''Saturday Night Live'' will be a rerun, it is possible Palin could appear Thursday on the first of NBC's ''Weekend Update'' specials in prime time.

Otherwise, the next orginal "SNL'' show will be broadcast Oct. 18, a little more than two weeks before the election.

While we're skeptical that Martin Scorsese would return to spoof the famous American Express commercials he made with Fey, at least we know that Palin would be receptive to his pitch for a Boca time share (after all, her two greatest loves are Jews and Cuban food). Perhaps David Zucker is available as a fill-in? Oh, who are we kidding — after this weekend, of course he is!

[Photo Credit: AP]

Take that, Tina: Palin wants to spoof her spoofer [Chicago Sun-Times]

'SNL' Will Have Its Reward In Heaven After This Sarah Palin Debate Skit

Kyle Buchanan — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 11:26:53 EDT

With less than a month left to go in this presidential election, Saturday Night Live expands its resurgent political brand into special Thursday episodes starting this week, though it's hard to see how they could possibly outdo the trilogy of Tina Fey-as-Sarah Palin appearances that continued into last night's episode. Spoofing the mega-rated vice presidential debate, Fey joined Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden and the previously-rumored Queen Latifah as moderator Gwen Ifill for a blockbuster, near-twelve minute sketch that left no participant unscathed. Still, despite the skit's jabs at Biden and Ifill, this was, as ever, Fey's moment, and she delivered her most cutting performance yet. Do we have video of the sketch after the jump? Doggone it, you betcha:

Saturday Night Live [NBC]

How 'SNL' Plans to Cover Last Night's Debate (Without Having to Actually Hire a Black Woman)

Kyle Buchanan — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 13:50:00 EDT

Though pundits like Time's Mark Halperin are claiming that last night's vice presidential debate left Saturday Night Live little to parody (really?), it's hard to imagine that SNL would leave its ratings on the table by ignoring what was perhaps the most-anticipated Sarah Palin event of the entire election year. Now, according to EW's Michael Ausiello, SNL does indeed plan to cover the debate, which leaves it with one problem: the moderator, Gwen Ifill, was a black woman, and SNL still has none in its cast. It's the same problem the variety show has run into when covering Michelle Obama, and just as rumors flew that Lorne Michaels had approached Maya Rudolph about that role, SNL has its sights set on a very specific Ifill impersonator who's not a member of the actual cast:

On the off chance this weekend's SNL features a spoof of tonight's vice presidential slugfest, I can tell you who will be playing PBS moderator Gwen Ifill: Queen Latifah. A well-placed source confirms to me exclusively that SNL has gone ahead and secured Latifah's services for Saturday's show. The insider cautions, however, that the debate sketch isn't 100 percent locked — and a final decision might not come down until Saturday. There's also no official word as to whether Tina Fey would be back as Palin.

With Palin herself now appropriating Fey touches like goofy, stalling winks, one would hope Fey would return to cap off what may be a trilogy of SNL appearances spoofing the candidate. Again, though, we have to ask: can't SNL just add a black comedienne to its cast? The show has been on for thirty-six seasons and has only managed to add a handful of black women to its roster of performers. To quote from the parlance of our times, is that change we can believe in, or is it more of the same?

[Photo Credit: AP]

Casting Scoops: 'SNL,' 'Grey's,' 'Housewives,' 'Damages,' 'Old Christine,' and More! [EW]

The Top 10 Female Product Advertising Icons & The Actresses Who Could Replace Them

Dodai — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 13:00:00 EDT

From Tony The Tiger to the Michelin Man, every pop culture kid is exposed to product advertising mascots and icons. Most of these critters are male, but sometimes — especially with baking and food products — the icons are female. Or were female. An image of "Betty Crocker" used to be on boxes of cake mix; now her face has been replaced by a spoon. And most advertisers would prefer to use celebrities to shill their products these days. But have you ever thought about what would happen if some of the best-loved advertising characters were replaced by Hollywood stars? We have. The top ten female product advertising icons and the actresses the casting agents could choose to replace them, after the jump.

1. Land O Lakes Indian Maiden

The company explains: "Because the regions of Minnesota and Wisconsin were the legendary land of Hiawatha and Minnehaha, the idea of an Indian maiden took form." This is a whitewashed way of describing how they hijacked the image of indigenous people to sell dairy products, but whatever. The first painting was done in 1928; it was "modernized" in 1939 to look the way it does now. As a kid, I honestly thought that this was my mom until I realized it was Cher.

Hollywood Casting: Q'orianka Kilcher

2. Mrs. Butterworth

This woman was not always made of plastic. She used to be real glass. She had a bun and she was heavy and sweet and you respected her, because she didn't need (the noticeably absent) Mr. Butterworth to get the job done.

Hollywood Casting: Queen Latifah

3. SunMaid

The young woman on the raisin box has evolved since 1916. She's lost about 20 lbs., but she still has the red bonnet and the basket of grapes. And she still smiles.

Hollywood Casting: Minnie Driver

4. Aunt Jemima

Advertising gimmicks are not always politically correct. The pancake icon was based on a blackface "mammy" character; but R.T. Davis Milling Company hired a woman named Nancy Green to play Aunt Jemima from 1890 to 1923. She was paid, but the ads were disgustingly racist. (Try finding a syrup that is not oppressive! Even Log Cabin gives me pause.) In 1989, Aunt Jemima lost her kerchief, got a relaxer, some pearl earrings and a slimmer look. She kind of resembles Roxie Roker now. But who is woman enough to take on the challenge of playing a controversial character?

Hollywood Casting: Angela Bassett

5. Utz Girl

The rosy-cheeked chick has been around since 1921, though she's had some anti-aging procedure and seems much younger now. Her huge eyes and happy smile let you know her potato chips are damn good.

Hollywood Casting: Christina Ricci

6. Little Miss Sunbeam

This blond-haired blue-eyed little girl was on the table before wheat and oats crept into our sandwich bread. Little Miss Sunbeam was born in the 1940s, and she seems part Shirley Temple, part Doris Day and part Buffy and Jody from Family Affair. Or Cindy Brady. An "American Girl" full of "sunshine"…

Hollywood Casting: Abigail Breslin

7. Morton Salt Girl

When it rains it pours, whatever that means. The first umbrella girl appeared in 1914, looking like a toddler; she's grown up some since then. The angled haircut and the umbrella make for an inspired celebrity choice…

Hollywood Casting: Rihanna

8. Coppertone Girl

Introduced in 1959, the impish child whose blue swimsuit bottoms get pulled down by a cocker spaniel was played by a three-year-old Jodie Foster in 1965. Did you know that they changed the logo later because some thought her bare buttocks encouraged pedophilia? Now that the company makes sunscreen instead of tanning oils, the "paleface" message is no longer appropriate and she's been phased out.

Hollywood Casting: Dakota Fanning

9. Tropic-AnaThe Polynesian pretty who used to be topless has since been replaced with an orange and straw. It would be fun if they brought back a female icon who loves exhibitionism, wouldn't it?

Hollywood Casting: Bai Ling

10. Chiquita Banana

Born in 1944, Miss Chiquita was sometimes a lady, sometimes an actual fruit, as seen in this Disney commercial. Her jingle is awesome, even if she was pretty much just a Carmen Miranda rip off.

Hollywood Casting: Salma Hayek?

Don't like these choices? Have some of your own? Suggestions welcome.

[Celebrity images via Getty. Tropic-Ana photo by Michael Poulin via Flickr.]

Lily Allen Is "Tubby And Party-Hat Nippled"

Jessica — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 17:00:00 EDT

Welcome back to Missdemeanors, in which we issue virtual wrist-slaps to popular gossip bloggers for Crimes Against Womanity. You know, we rage against the celebrity blogger machine every week for being anti-female, but maybe we should rage against them more frequently for being anti-funny. Because seriously? These people make the same. Jokes. Every. Damn. Week. Pregnant women are [insert word for "fat" here]; Paris Hilton is [insert term for "slut" here]. It's like playing misogynist madlibs with these fools. If they're going to be jerks, the least they could do is be moderately creative. But alas! Join us in applying some much deserved Jezebel justice to these cliché cocks, after the jump.

The Accused: Egotastic
The Crime: Bashing a pregnant woman's body; being sizeist
The Evidence: "Okay, this isn't exactly the way I wanted to see Jessica Alba back in her bikini, but you've got to admit, there is something strangely compelling about these Jessica Alba bikini pictures. It's kind of like a roadside accident. You don't want to look, but you just can't help it." The moniker "Egotastic" "is fitting, since this editor apparently thinks the world revolves around him. Look, guy, Jessica Alba doesn't give a hoot whether or not you want to see her in a bikini, and she shouldn't, because you're an ass who compares pregnancy to a car crash. I mean, we'd call your mother's pregnancy a car wreck, but maybe that's going too far!
The Sentence: Massaging pregnant women's swollen, unwashed tootsies for 72 hours straight.

The Accused:The Superficial
The Crime: Comparing Queen Latifah to a manatee
The Evidence: "Upholding my never-ending quest to post bikini pictures of the stars, here's shots of Queen Latifah in Miami enjoying some aquatic activities. As a boob-lover, all I can say is DAMN! Where do the breasts end and the woman begin? But, seriously, I really want to know. I've been staring at these pics for hours and I'm totally lost. Okay, that's a thigh. Or is it an arm? Wait, I'm looking at manatee pictures. How'd these get mixed in? Geekologist!" This is just so dumb, but again, what bugs is how TIRED it is. Just last month, The Superficial's cousin in idiocy, Yeeah!, compared Britney to a manatee. Also? Fuck off.
The Sentence: Getting a single breast implant in the middle of his stomach, you know, since he is such a boob-lover, he should get one of his own! Consider it a gift from us, cyclops.

The Accused: Yeeeah!
The Crime: Demeaning a woman's looks.
The Evidence:: "I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about. No one I know ever accused her of being pretty. A grown-up version of that girl in your tenth grade English class that wrote cliched poems on her arms and refused to let grunge die its slow flannel death, yes. Tubby and party-hat nippled, yes. Pretty, no. Frankly, if she’s going to start apologizing, she might want to start with one of those other ones first."
The Sentence: Being subjected to a bar fight with Lily Allen's entourage and a couple of British soccer hooligans added in for good measure. I bet your nipples will look fantastic afterwards.

The Accused : WWTDD
The Crime: joking about violence against women.
The Evidence: "Paris Hilton was walking around last night with Benji Madden or Joel Madden or whichever one it is she dates, and she looked suspiciously pregnant while doing it. So if you’re wondering if I’ve been put in charge yet, this is how you can the answer is 'no.' My plan calls for Paris Hilton to be flipped upside down and then we’ll fill her vagina with cement. I know it's sounds radical, but it’s the only way to be sure. I'm tough but fair." Look, I'm not a big fan of the idea of Paris Hilton having a kid, but joking about how her vagina should be filled with cement is out of line.
The Sentence: All of his orifices should be filled with cement, obvi!

Want to report a Crime Against Womanity? Send the link to tips@jezebel.com with "Missdemeanors" in the subject line.

Blame Game: Jenny Craig Fires Kirstie Alley, Thanks To Scientology's 'Detox Program'?

Molly Friedman — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 16:15:35 EST

Upon hearing The National Enquirer's report that Jenny Craig fired Kirstie Alley because she is just too darn fat, we stopped picturing Jenny as a cute Southern mommy type who just wants us to be healthy and began suspecting she's more like that undermining ex-boyfriend of ours who just wanted us to be Angelina Jolie. Adding extra salt on the wound, Jenny Craig has reportedly replaced her with Queen Latifah, who's pledged to lose 25 pounds as soon as that pesky Pizza Hut contract expires. But the reasons behind the corporate ax may have had less to do with Kirstie's inability to shed pounds, and more to do with a little religion Tom Cruise likes to call Scientology.

Back in 2004, a Slate reporter exposed the faults with Scientology's "detox program," which is outlined by L. Ron Hubbard in Clear Body, Clear Mind. The questionable method "purports to 'flush' poisons from the body's fat stores using an intensive regimen of jogging, oil ingestion, sauna, and high doses of vitamins, particularly niacin." Sounds all well and good, 'cept for one small problem: "Advocates are clear that weight-loss is not to occur." Which put our Kirstie in a bit of a toughie. Without Jenny Craig, she'd be chubbers, but without Scientology, she'd "be dead." Looks like Alley chose Xenu over Jenny, and really, who can blame her? Faced with the choice of being a totally hot dead chick or an average-sized and totally alive Scientologist (rock and hard place, huh?), we'd go with the latter too!

JENNY CRAIG FIRES KIRSTIE ALLEY FOR GETTING FAT AGAIN [Deceiver.com]
THE SCIENTOLOGISTS' DUBIOUS 'DETOX PROGRAM' [Slate]

Queen Latifah Recalls The Familiar Smell Of Tom Cruise And Diapers Pervading The 'Mad Money' Set At Last Night's Premiere

Seth — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 13:45:31 EST

In case you missed it, yesterday was Katie Holmes's Big Night—an evening to celebrate the Katie of long ago, famous not for suspicious pregnancies and dead-eyed Cruisian servitude, but for the skillful way she was once able to memorize words in scripts, and then perform those words in front of cameras. In other words, it was the premiere of Holmes's new movie, Mad Money. Arriving with her extremely proud, extremely touchy, extremely ever-present husband, Extra was on hand to document every moment of the full-time mom's triumphant return to the silver screen:

Tom caressed her lower back and kissed her passionately on the cheek, but he soon left to sign autographs and let Katie bask in the glow of her first movie since having baby Suri. [...]
So what does Katie think about seeing her toddler grow into a mini version of herself?

"I see it and then see a lot of Tom, and then I think she's her own person," Katie said. [...]

Latifah told "Extra" that Tom was frequently on set, bringing little Suri along.

"Yeah, all the time," she said. "He's the daddy!"

Latifah let out a forced laugh as she swiftly surveyed the crowd, then turned deadly serious, gripping the Extra reporter's wrist and urgently whispering, "I mean all the time. Look carefully, you can see the shadow of his head poking out from the bottom of the living room window in a couple of the scenes. And he kept sneaking up behind me at the catering table and ambushing me with brochures that he said 'could really help me with my ongoing personal training problems.' Made my blood run cold, I tell you. Cold as ice," before abruptly reverting back to the sunny, confidant Latifah we know and love, and continuing along the press line. If she hadn't shot one last look of desperation midway through her interview with Access Hollywood's Tony Potts, the Extra reporter might have almost questioned whether the chilling exchange had ever happened at all.

Tom Supports Katie at 'Mad Money' Premiere [Extra]

Reconfigured People's Choice Awards Resembles Public Access TV With A Budget

Seth — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 13:35:30 EST

According to the helpful countdown clock on their website, the next People's Choice Awards is but 364 days and some-odd hours away, which hopefully will be enough time for them to find their balls again after being castrated behind the awards barn as a sacrifice to the writers strike gods. Still, the ceremony we've not entirely reverentially referred to in the past as Oscar's Chain-Smoking, Lupus-Afflicted Aunt with an Internet Gambling Problem limped its way into American living rooms in an odd, greatly compromised CBS telecast last night, bereft of a studio audience, live star appearances, and awkward acceptance speeches from recently dumped actresses wondering how they can be all of America's favorite if they can't even be Justin Timberlake's.

Instead, we got Queen Latifah introducing an interminable string of pre-taped acceptance speeches and answers to fan questions. The big winners included Favorite Movie Pirates of the Caribbean: The One We Didn't Bother Seeing, Favorite TV Comedy Two and a Half Men (beating out The King of Queens and My Name is Earl), and Favorite New TV Drama Moonlight, beating out a shortlist of every other series to premiere and die within weeks of the fall 2008 TV season. A full list of the winners is here.

People's Choice
People's Choice Winners List [CBS]

It seems the WGA strike has claimed its...

Mark — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 16:50:15 EST

It seems the WGA strike has claimed its first awards season victim: according to a press release from Extra, the ceremony for The People's Choice Awards has been canceled; confusingly, "some form" of the event involving no red carpet and no media is still scheduled to air on January 8th, as CBS is apparently determined to fulfill its sacred duty as custodians of the public's statuette-granting will whether or not there's an actual "show" to broadcast. (Or picket.) We're told to stay tuned for more updates on what this all means, but our attention span on this matter has already been taxed to the limit by wondering how host Queen Latifah might be integrated into the modified proceedings in a way that doesn't tragically squander her talents. [ExtraTV.com]

Queen to Cut the Cake: "Let Them Eat a Sensible Dinner"

jgrode — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 14:00:58 EST

Step aside, Lindsay, you're not the only rumored lesbian jockeying for headlines these days. Queen Latifah, best known for her hugely successful acting career among film fans, and best known for the song "U.N.I.T.Y." in the apartment where this blog post is being typed, will be the latest celebrity spokeswoman for Jenny Craig:

"We officially confirm that Queen Latifah will join the Jenny Craig program in January," Scott Parker, Jenny Craig's vice president of marketing, tells PEOPLE.

"We are thrilled to have Queen Latifah support our mission of improving health by taking her first step toward achieving a more healthful lifestyle."

The showbiz heavy (no pun intended...ah, who are we kidding), will "communicate the importance of how small lifestyle changes, in the areas of diet and exercise, can have positive effects on overall health." (Money saving tip from your friends at Defamer: you can learn this for free in a junior high biology class.)

Queen Latifah Signs On to Endorse Jenny Craig [People]

All Sherri Shepherd Wants For Christmas Is For Queen Latifah To Finally Find A Fine Man

Seth — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 16:36:03 EST

Beloved multihyphenate talent and recent lesbian-wedding-rumor target Queen Latifah stopped by The View today to promote The Perfect Holiday, giving panel moderator Whoopi Goldberg the perfect opportunity to find out what would make for an ideal Latifah Christmas. Offering up the four tried-and-true holiday F's of "food, football, family, and fun," Sherri Shepherd added, "and a fine man wouldn't help!" Although she quickly corrects herself, we're wondering if the noted flat-Earther/Jesus-firster's Freudian slip wasn't perhaps a more accurate assessment of just how low a visit from Hunky Santa comes in on the Queen's wish-list this year.

The View [ABC]

Queen Latifah Urges Fans Not To Send Their Lesbian-Wedding Gifts Just Yet

Seth — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 13:00:07 EST

Having, like the rest of us, caught wind of a story circulating that Queen Latifah was finally going to make an honest woman out of her longtime personal-training companion, a Sun Times reporter at a junket for The Perfect Holiday gathered the nerve to ask the actress/torch singer/hip-hop architect whether the rumors were true:

I did ask Queen Latifah for reaction to recent tabloid gossip that she allegedly was going to wed her long-time female personal trainer.

She quipped, ''When you're famous these days, it's just part of the deal — unfortunately. People will make up all sorts of things that are not true. . .There ain't gonna be no wedding.''

Ain't gonna be no wedding: Five meticulously selected words that instantly dispelled all the Home Depot-registry rumors, while leaving the door conveniently cracked open for a nearly infinite array of romantic configurations for the great Mama Morton. Would that all much-whispered-about Hollywood heavyweights handle themselves with such aplomb when pressed such as this, perhaps we'd never be forced to swallow a great many unlikely claims, such as Travolta Airways's pledge that every Business Class fare includes free DirecTV and a personal smooch from the captain.

Queen Latifah laughs off gossip [Sun Times]

Pretend To Look Surprised When Queen Latifah Finally Sits You Down For Some 'Big News'

Seth — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 14:40:24 EST

While we are romantics at heart, we're typically reluctant to note news about celebrity engagements unless they are triple-flack-confirmed and appear beneath a flashing "EXCLUSIVE!" sign in a reputable news source such as People or Entertainment Tonight. But MediaTakeOut.com seems so convinced that they can hear the faint sound of wedding bells on the horizon for one of Hollywood's most beloved glass closet dwellers, we felt compelled to pass the news along to you:

MediaTakeOut.com has EXCLUSIVELY learned that Queen Latifah and her longtime girlfriend Jeanette are OFFICIALLY ENGAGED!!! The two women have been in a relationship for more than 4 years - and they've finally decided to make it official.

And there's more. MediaTakeOut.com can confirm that the two are planning on PUBLICLY coming out to the world about their engagement. Word is that once Queen Latifah's finished promoting her current movie, The Perfect Holiday an announcement will be made.
MediaTakeOut.com can't reveal our source to this story, but we can tell you that we're 100% sure on this one.

We can only hope this revelation (a Very Special Oprah that should surprise no one, save for some isolated clusters of small-town Latifah fans who felt her undeniable sexual chemistry with LL Cool J in Last Holiday really crackled) might mean a return to the butcher roles that defined the earlier part of her career: In particular, we're thinking of Set It Off's Cleopatra "Yeah, I'm a lesbian. You wanna make somethin' of it, or do you want me to help you hotwire that getaway car? That's what I thought. Now step aside, little lady" Sims, one of her more memorable and credible screen creations.

EXCLUSIVE: QUEEN LATIFAH POPS THE QUESTION TO LONGTIME GIRLFRIEND - PAIR PLAN A PUBLIC WEDDING!!! [Media Take Out]

NBCU Family Recycles Smoking, Outsourcing

Mark — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 15:16:12 EDT

· Hollywood Out Of Ideas, Feature-to-TV Recycling Edition: Demonstrating a company-wide commitment to reducing its new-idea-footprint, NBC Universal's USA Network plans a TV series based on Thank You for Smoking, while its NBC flagship will try to adapt Outsourced into a primetime workplace comedy. [Variety, Variety]
· If this doesn't stoke your interest in the upcoming Ashton Kutcher/Carmeon Diaz comedy What Happens in Vegas... (not to be confused with the recently announced, Kutcher-free Dude, Where's My Groom?) nothing will: Queen Latifah has signed on for a cameo so hilarious that if the details of her participation were to escape, the entire project would be doomed to turnaround. [THR]
· Just in case you hadn't heard, last week's WGA contract talks weren't as friendly as they could have been. [Variety]
· NBC wins Sunday night behind its Packers-Bears football game, beating lineups from ABC and CBS that dropped off from last week's numbers. [THR]
· While American moviegoers largely shunned this weekend's offerings, overseas ticket-buyers turned out for Rataouille to the the tune of $19.7 million. [Variety]

Keanu Reeves Feigns Interest In High-Concept Movie Pitch

Seth — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 16:35:57 EDT

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you spotted bodybuilder prop comic Carrot Top discretely awaiting the 704 rapid line.

In today's episode: Keanu Reeves and Mary-Kate Olsen; Britney Spears; Queen Latifah and Eric Szmanda; Jimmy Smits; Chuck Barris; Larry Birkhead; Angela Kinsey; Angela Kinsey; Little Richard; and Carrot Top.

· Wednesday, July 25-Dinner meeting at the Chateau in the garden, honestly can't go to that place without running into someone. This time Keanu Reeves in his regulation black blazer over dark tee with motorcycle helmet in hand. He smoked a few cigarettes during a meeting with some industry types. The producer (I assume) was doing the hard sell, pitching high concept piss in his direction. Overhearing the whole thing, I actually felt bad for him. How many of those does he sit through a year? He did a lot of nodding and when he did talk the exec kept talking over him. He looked good—no beard, clean cut, hot as ever. A few tables away an Olsen (I think MK) sat down. Still working the bag lady chic, had on a weird hat and clodhopper shoes. Is it me or are she and her sister living Gelflings from the Dark Crystal? Girl was tiny as to be expected and by herself until she left.

· friday, july 20. saw BRITNEY SPEARS, queen sugar tits of malibu, sitting in a black convertible on pch, trying to make a left turn into a parking lot. she was wearing an awesomely bad black wig (put a comb through that thing, please) and i'm pretty sure, chomping on about 5 pieces of gum. she had her hand on her forehead, obviously deeply frustrated because nobody was letting her in. was this day of the now infamous OK! shoot? not sure if she had a pile of greasy-finger stained gucci dresses sitting in the backseat.

· today (7-25) driving west on melrose near urth cafe saw Queen Latifah walking east with a tall blonde, she was chating with some guys outside of a store just before urth (celeb central).....she looked so nice and happy.........

then at lunch at the newsroom on robertson saw Eric Szmanda of CSI pacing in front of the resturant talking on his cell not looking very happy about what ever was going on.....

· saturday night 7/21, outside the crest theater on westwood blvd. bf and i had just parked at a meter, finishing up a fast food dinner before catching the 10pm showing of hairspray, when a big silvery-white benz pulled up in front of us. tall goateed guy in khaki pants, very large shoes and an all-white yankees cap steps out of the car with two female companions. turns out it's none other than jimmy smits of la law and nypd blue fame (i also think he was on the west wing recently). we stood behind him in line for the movie. no one seemed to notice as he fed one of his gal pals frozen yogurt and waited patiently to be let into the theater. after some imdb research found out the recipient of the fro yo spooning was his longtime love, actress wanda de jesus. sorry, didn't care enough to find out what she's been in. cute couple though.

· Could that really have been the legendary Chuck Barris I saw marching up Ocean Park Boulevard in Santa Monica, hand-carrying bags of groceries from the Albertsons two blocks away?

If so, he was looking pretty fit in shorts for a guy his age, but his grayfro has grown to the point where it's overwhelming his entire body.

· I was at the ArcLight last night (7/25), where they were having some sort of Bourne-related festivities. I did not see Matt Damon, but I did see Anna Nicole Smith's babydaddy, Larry Birkhead. He looked tanned and thin and happy, like he should be playing the saucy gardener on Desperate Housewives.

· Tues 7/24 - Dad was in town visiting, and after a day of showing him the sights around the Valley and the Strip, we went to Katsu-Ya in Studio City, where we saw Angela Kinsey (Angela, from The Office, though he knows her from Thank God You're Here, which i do not watch), enjoying dinner with 2 girlfriends (she's tiny). So Dad got some top-notch sushi (not shilling for Katsu-Ya - it really is quite good) plus a celeb sighting before he blows town. That is all.

· Whop bop a loo bop, a whop bam boo! Tootie frootie, on
a rootie. Whoooooo!!!!

Who was in first class on my Delta flight from LAX to Atlanta (7-26), looking actually pretty good (and no, I'm not his publicist)? You guessed it — Little Richard. Seriously, he looks way better in person than on TV.

7/23 — Driving down Santa Monica Blvd. in WeHo around noon I spotted a freakishly buffed out dude with very skinny legs and a wild red fro— none other than hideous comic Carrot Top. He was lurking behind a bus stop bench as though pretending not to be waiting. Not sure why he was in the heart of Boys' Town. Please God don't let him be gay — my people have enough to contend with.