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Katherine Heigl's alleged heart of steel began to soften up after playing with a pit bull puppy on Tuesday night. After playing with the dog for a few moments, Heigl felt that she might not be able to handle all the cuteness. Heigl said, "He's just sooooo cute," before descending into five minutes of pure gibberish and baby talk. After ten minutes of playtime, the puppy's owner was anxious to get back home, but Heigl showed no signs of letting go.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

You're on the road now doing stand-up, and your reality show is about to premiere, but you've done scripted shows in the past. I know you've discussed the lack of non-stereotypical roles for Asians in your act before, and I was wondering if it's gotten any better since you started out in show biz. There’s just nothing that’s out there. The only roles that are out there if you’re a woman of color are based on ethnicity. If a role is for Asian women in particular, it’s going to be for an acupuncturist. Of course, there are Asian acupuncturists in life that are real women, but it's still a stereotype. I feel bad for Asian actors who want to work, because there are only those stories out there for us. The real story behind the movie 21 is about Asian American kids, but they used white kids for those main roles and Asians in the supporting roles. I don’t know why. The problem isn’t even out-and-out stereotyping at this point, it’s non-inclusion. That’s the way racism presents itself nowadays, as if non-inclusion is better. I think it’s actually worse, because then you don’t see those people at all.

Speaking of inclusion, you seem really focused on being a good role model for your fans so that they don't feel alienated.
I always want people to feel beautiful. I try to be super positive about my body, and super positive about not saying, 'I feel fat and I feel ugly.' Of course I have moments of weakness, and sometimes I have interviews on those days. ! I don’t want be self-deprecating in the way that comes too naturally for women. I want to be a woman who is really proud of her physical being, I am proud to be forty, am proud to be in this body. People don't get to see a lot of real women on TV who haven’t had plastic surgery, who haven’t had botox, and I’m totally normal. In my new TV show, I try to be naked a lot because I think it’s important for viewers to see a real 40 woman looks like, but also because how things were for me the last time I had a show. When I first had a screen test [for her 90s sit com All-American Girl], I wore a midriff shirt and my stomach was showing, and one of the executives said, don't ever, ever do that again.

I also hear you're totally awesome about using your body for experiments on the show. I definitely read your blog about getting the G-shot. How was it?
I really was disappointed in the G-shot! I have some weird value judgment on how I reach orgasm and I always felt inadequate that I couldn’t have one through intercourse. Why isn’t it enough that I can orgasm? Why is it more valuable to orgasm a certain way? What a great gift! Unfortunately, the G-shot didn't allow me to come from sex. It made it not possible for me to have sex for many months. We’re all built differently and female sexuality is so unique, and the specialness of who we are, you can’t take that into account when you create a procedure like that, though I think that it does work. It actually reinforced my realization that I’m not going to come that way. I had this ex-lover who was like, 'I wish you could come from me and not your vibrator.' And I was like why? Are you emasculated by my vibrator? I’m really into sex toys and I can’t understand why people feel like it’s not a part of the sex process proper. It’s bullshit. I hate that.

Another big part of the show (besides getting a shot of collagen in your G-spot, obvs) are your parents, whom we love.
They really fit into the show and I thought it would be great to have them. It seemed like the right kind of thing to do and I was excited to have them on, along with my assorted friends. [I wanted to show everyone because] we are definitely a queer family — because that’s how queer family comes together, we create our own families.

Your puppies also have a big role on the show! And I read on your blog that you are a fan of the Daily Puppy, which we are also so obsessed with. Yes! I have three dogs, small, medium and large, all mixes. My medium is an Australian Shepherd Mix and my big one is a black German Shepherd mix. Sometimes I will wait until midnight and go on the Daily Puppy so that I can see the dogs change over to the next day's puppy, I'm so into it. , I’ll go deep inside it. I’ll get deep in there. I’ll be lost all day. It’s really funny sometimes. Once I remember I was going down the comments, and there was this guy on the boards called "puppy hater" and he kept going on about how the readers are fat old women who have nothing to do, and we’re so fat that we have nothing to love. And the readers just went fucking crazy on him!

People can be really mean on the internet! Even to puppies!If I had a daughter, I would have a real hard time letting her see any of the stuff online and the way they talk about women and women’s bodies. It’s so cruel and sickening.

Donut Pussy [Margaret Cho Official Website]

Earlier: This Is Not Chick Lit: A Q&A With Writer Janelle Brown

As an ex-New Yorker who is brand spanking new to L.A., the concept of downtown being a dead zone is quite strange. And having only driven through late at night (going the wrong way, on a one-way street, natch) I was curious to see what an L.A. downtown art walk would be like (held every second Thursday of the month from 12 to 9). Art Walks in Seattle’s Pioneer Square were fun, but were too often filled with "Look ma, I has knitted you a rainbow hat!"—a/k/a bad hippie art. And the Chelsea Art Walks in NYC were impenetrable and thick with snobbery and unintentional comedy: rich people wearing all black, posing seriously in front of pictures with their heads cocked just so to the sides. L.A.’s version proved to be far more pleasant and interesting—exhilarating even. Won't you join along as I take you on a photographic tour?

A fellow recently-imported New Yorker joined me via the red line subway, which she reported “was clean and pleasant, with no rats, and not too many people,” and arrived unscathed at our meeting place on Fifth and Main at the Spring Arts Collective Gallery, where the highlight (for me anyway), was a Cabbage Patch doll’s decapitated head in a cage by Kim Ye, and a series of twisted paintings where all the twee-looking subjects appeared to be peeing at the adjacent Clair Obscur Gallery.

That artist, Mari Araki, was part of an exhibit called Storybook Paintings. Also in that collection, were a series of extremely well done Tim Burton-esque fantasy paintings by Dany Paragouteva that seemed like they should be in a strange children’s book.

Around the corner, there was a room with eerie red lighting; and string of drawings formed a narrow hallway, which led to… a guy playing a harp. There were a cluster of beat up TVs, improbably, old toy Gizmos.

Said a guy sitting nearby, “Come back at 8:30, it’ll all come together.” We found out later this was the Soul or System. (Get it? Solar system! Or Soul system! Gah.)

Down the street we found a few huge photo realistic paintings. One was a close up of a hand being scorched by a lighter. The color was dark and rich and very carefully done. Then we noticed a man sitting in a rusty chair next to the paintings; he looked like he was part of the exhibit. It turned out to be the artist himself, Josh Talbott, who explained that he had done all the large painting in a studio in New York when he was hobbled with a broken leg, and then had to ship the monsters out to L.A.

The best collection was the LA Art Girl’s at the Phantom Gallery. For one thing, there was a unicorn.

There was also a giant gas mask.

And there was this piece (we couldn't figure out who did it.)

There was also a fundraising 'garage sale' called Selling In by Felis Stella (of which the proceeds went to Alzheimer's Association and the Cancer Research Institute). For sale: "Grandma's sewing machine."

This female-centric show was miles better than the one titled, "Where The Girls Are," featuring tiles of overexposed Dita Von Teese and a "performance art" piece by Tiffany Trenda called "Death of an Icon," in which she dances to Madonna's "Open Your Heart" video and then gets shot. The piece ends when a curator puts a card next to the bleeding artist and calls it a work of art. Just, no.

We made our way around to the other street, and found a clusterfuck of people on the sidewalks. It was after 7 by now, and the area was starting to fill up. There was a guy playing the sax next to a giant skull; a few feet away, a guy and his friend got to work redecorating a sofa with spraypaint and markers.

We were lured into one place with the promise that spoken word poetry by people from Greenwich Village would be on offer; instead, it seemed to be a community meeting about the overabundance of police in Skid Row. Next door, an exhibition of homeless art was mostly bad, except for a few pieces, including those of Darlene Altemeier.

Off the beaten path, a sidewalk sign with an arrow led us to Crewest, a pretty fab all-things-graffiti subculture shop. They had a minimalist funk band jamming the back room; someone doing screenprints; and a smorgasbord of interesting, politicized anti-police art, including the biting piece of commentary above and at right.

Last, but not least, the store Pussy & Pooch had an exhibition in its back room of cool animal paintings—like this pug.

But that, it turned out, was not the piece de resistance. That turned out to be cuts of fake lawn that you can buy from Petapotty.com, in case you don't have a yard. They can come complete with a hydrant.

Here's a Petapotty in action.

And with that image, I bid you adieu!

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Grey's Anatomy Ellen Pompeo attempted to make a deal with the paparazzi over the weekend. Pompeo said that she would be willing to give the puppies to any photographer who takes a picture that puts her atop of the gossip blogs. Pompeo stated that while she's friends with her Grey's co-star Katherine Heigl, she's upset that Heigl gets all the headlines and attention. Pompeo said, "My character's name is in the title of the show, yet people only seem to focus on Katherine. Did you know she makes me call her by full name? Anyways ... Sure, she smokes cigarettes and what not, but look at me, I sort of look like Renee Zellweger and I give away cute puppies to people who'll provide them with lots of love and care. Isn't that more fun to publicize than some chain smoking hag? Oh, also, if you could pass my number along to Judd Apatow, I'll throw in six months of free dog food."

[Photo Credit: X17]

OK!
"Wedding Of The Year." The mag claims that Angelina and Brad will get hitched in a small civil ceremony in New Orleans, then maybe honeymoon in the South of France. But guess what? They've already relocated to the South of France as of today. So. Moving on: A "50 Ways To Fake Your Weight" story has tips like "wear black, wear Spanx and "wear heels." Groundbreaking! Also inside: Jennifer Aniston went on a date with John Mayer — will he "eventually break her heart?"
Grade: F (scrubbing the toilet)

Us
"Jen & John: Suddenly In Love." Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have been "cyberflirting" by sending emails for like six months. The six-page story basically says they spent a weekend together in Miami. They ate out a lot. Also inside: Liv Tyler phoned a lawyer and complained that her husband was a leech on her assets and that she got married too young. Uh-oh. Jessica Simpson calls Tony Romo "my future husband." Romo visited The Diamond Doctor in Dallas. Are they getting engaged? Do you care?
Grade: D- (scouring soap scum in tub/shower)

Life & Style
"Reuniting For The Kids." The story doesn't actually say that Britney and Kevin are reuniting for the kids, it says that the two boys have erratic behavior, especially around Kevin's other kids. So Britney wants them back, for stability. Hmm. Meanwhile, Jamie Lynn's unborn baby: It's a girl! And JLS plans to have "Lynn" as part of the baby's name, duh. Plus, she's taking a breastfeeding class. A source says: "She's determined to do it!" Jennifer Aniston set up the date weekend with John Mayer: Is she moving to fast? They make it seem like she is desperate. Because, you know, when a woman makes the first move, she must be desperate. As for Lindsay and Sam, an insider says: "Sam knows in her heart that Lindsay isn't gay, so she basically lives in fear of every new cute guy that comes along and hits on Lindsay." Awww. Oh, and since Sam comes from money (her family is worth $300 million) LL is kind of a "kept woman." Tom Brady told Bridget Moynahan that he wants his girlfriend Gisele to develop a relationship with baby John because he plans on popping the question to Gisele.
Grade: D- (cleaning out the fridge)
In Touch
"Jen's Hot New Love." John Mayer booked room at the Four Season in Miami, but spent all his time at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, where Jen Aniston had a $3,000 a night suite. The couple hung out in the sun and had a three-hour dinner, after which he went up in the elevator with her. Did he spend the night??? Moving on: There are two pages devoted to the fact that Nicole Kidman's "bump" is showing. Lindsay Lohan has moved in with her girlfriend Sam Ronson. A source says: "It may not be a sexual relationship, but Lindsay and Samantha are a couple. They even sleep in the same bed." But Linsday's pal designer Wayne Joffe says: "Lindsay is not gay. They're just being girls and are best friends." Britney's "crazy behavior" has cost her tons of cash! From the head-shaving on, since she hasn't been touring and has had to pay for security, legal fees and medical care, she's out $61 million. Star Jones and Al Reynolds are getting divorced! And gay rumors abound! Al's own mother says: "I truly believed that he would never get married. He never seemed interested." Meanwhile: Is Mariah Carey engaged to Nick Cannon??? OMG Heidi Klum sent Victoria Beckham food for her birthday. Heidi is having a dozen cupcakes from Sprinkles in L.A. delivered to Posh every week for a year! The mag reminds you that Posh was asked by Barbara Walters if she would ever eat a cookie, and Posh said, "No." Meh, the best thing in this mag was a picture of puppies (Fig. 1).
Grade: D (cleaning out the closets)

Star
"Scientology Boot Camp For Katie!" Katie Holmes has been doing Scientology stuff including various testing, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes. Katie does intense auditing sessions that last for 36 hours straight with no sleep or food. She took a course called "The Potential Trouble Source/Suppressive Person Course" that teaches if someone doesn't like Scientology, you must ignore or disconnect from them. Fun! Also inside: Matthew McConaughey has given up beer because pregnant girlfriend Camilla was frustrated that she had to go on the wagon while he continued to party. Blind item! "Which new heartthrob could soon disappoint teen girls across the universe? At a premiere party for his new flick, he was spotted making out and leaving with a guy." Are Jessica and Ashlee in a "race to the altar"? A source says Jess is jealous of all the attention Ash gets and would love to get married first. Britney's boys are back in her life and "not afraid of her anymore" because she doesn't take them out into crowds where they have "had bad experiences." Nicole Richie is torn between being a mommy and being a party girl. She goes from the nursery to the nightclub. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are thought to be the couple in a blind item from the New York Daily News: "Which weekly glossy just signed a megamillion dollar contract with a certain annoying celebrity couple? The deal is, the magazine will get exclusive interviews with the couple, but in turn, they need to break up (again), get back together (again) and actually get married." Hmm, is the glossy in question Us? Lastly: "Roly-Poly Romeos" that have gone from hunk to chunk include Jake Gyllenhaal, Nick Lachey and Dane Cook.
Grade: D (clearing/organizing drawers)

Fig. 1

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Perpetually cute actress Amy Adams took a break from being the cute one while out walking her brand new puppies in Brooklyn Thursday afternoon. Adams told the photographer that it felt refreshing to be stopped by children because of her puppies for once, rather than for the usual reasons (which, duh, is because she was in Enchanted). Adams said that her new puppies also distract people from the unflattering haircut she's sporting. "It's for a role," she explained.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin