Speaking to us in soothing tones as we submitted to candlelit massages and sipped (nonalcoholic!) "banana daiquiris," the rep insisted that Promises had done nothing wrong. "I recognize your right to use the language you want, and I understand the heart-place it was coming from," he said as our attendant, Luisa, informed us that the afternoon ashtanga yoga session would be starting in ten minutes. "But you need to recognize that your words impacted our shame-feelings, as well as our bottom line."

Or maybe it happened this way: We got a terse email from Jonathan Franks at Arlene Howard PR.

In response to a story printed this morning in Star Magazine, Promises Treatment Centers releases the following statement:

While Promises will not comment on any specific individual, Promises would like to clarify the integrity of our policy:

1) Promises is committed to keeping the identity of clients private to the best of our ability. Promises does not comments on its fees.

2) ALL client belongings are searched, as are ALL incoming packages. Rooms are subject to search at random.

3) ALL clients are treated the same and expected to follow the same set of rules with no exceptions.

Any suggestion that Promises is in any financial trouble whatsoever is patently untrue.

The suggestion that Promises would search Hollywood for a celebrity who needs rehab in an effort to garner publicity is libelous, offensive and without any basis in reality.

You hear that, America? If Tara Reid is currently secluded in Promises Malibu, fielding American Pie pitches while attempting to figure out Cooking Mama on her suite's Nintendo DS, it's because she paid full freight, not because the facility scouted around for someone to impress the Mt. Olympus housewives who've grown bored with the erstwhile Power Ranger in their group encounter sessions. Duly noted!

Previously: Promises Malibu Now Admitting D-Listers For Free With Proof Of Notoriety

The cushy Malibu compound has long been the most famous of Hollywood's high-priced rehabilitation centers, serving the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears when a detox facility is desired that won't get in the way of their clubbing. Now, though, Promises has opened its revolving doors to Hookers Ball emcee Tara Reid, and things are so dire that they were forced to bargain with her:

"Enrollment is down due to the bad economy, so in an effort to drum up publicity, they asked around Hollywood to see who wanted to stay there for free," says a source.

Promises, which costs about $1,600 a night and has treated such celebs as Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, is giving Tara the VIP treatment. The 33-year-old gets to stay in a large room, and her incoming packages are not searched, like other guests'.

Things are bad enough when instead of serving as a last resort to those in need, Promises is scouting for personalities on their third Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew callback. In our new age of belt-tightening and personal responsibility, can Malibu rehab compounds continue to exist, or will we lose our celebrities to less splashy facilities in Montana and Arizona (where they don't even have Verizon, for God's sake)?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Free Rehab for Tara Reid? [Star]

"They get people at their most vulnerable point to turn over huge sums of money," said Michael Parks, a lawyer for a former patient identified only as John Doe, a 50-year-old lawyer and alcoholic who sued in July. "Promises has a double standard of caring for celebrities first, at the expense of regular people."

The suit accuses Promises of evicting the plaintiff after a week — and keeping the balance of his $49,000 payment — because of false claims that he had made a "sexually inappropriate remark" to an unnamed celebrity patient.

The Promises staff tolerated "racially insensitive comments" by a celebrity, the suit alleges. Promises denied the allegations. A hearing is set for November. [...]

Sauer said Promises did nothing wrong. "Just because someone files a lawsuit, does that mean anything?" he asked.

If the 'Bu-habs are, in fact, giving their celebrity clients preferential treatment during their stays, they're merely following the effective and long-established practices of any luxury-based business trying to stay competitive in Los Angeles. Even if they've paid their mid-five-figure fees, Hollywood civilians probably shouldn't be too shocked when their combination poolside hot-rocks massages/encounter sessions are cut short so that a Lindsay Lohan or Mel Gibson don't have to wait a minute longer than necessary to begin battling the demons that may require three or four month-long, Platinum Member stays to fully vanquish.

• The trouble with rehab, Malibu-style [LAT]

Who could have imagined that a Lindsay Lohan DUI arrest (with the ever-popular "usable amount of cocaine" option), some embarrassing sleepy-time photos, and a hasty trip to Promises would generate so much media attention, even days later? We retreat into our defensive round-up posture to handle this morning's onslaught:

· This entrancing mash-up arrived in our inbox this morning. Never have sobering images of a young starlet's self-destruction been so soothing. [YouTube]
· The NY Times examines Lohan's prospects for future employment in Hollywood in the post-second-rehab era. Reminisces former studio head Nina Jacobson about the comparatively innocent days of Herbie: Fully Loaded, when warnings about her partying seemed almost cute: "I told her before the movie began, 'This is the moment in your career where you either become Kristy McNichol or Jodie Foster." At this point, McNichol might be a career-trainwreck upgrade. [NY Times]

· Never one to let an opportunity to talk about his estranged daughter go unexploited, born-again ex-convict dad Michael says that he approves of Promises' use of 12-step methodology. There is still no word on when mom Dina plans to show up with an ET camera crew for an exclusive status report on her child's recovery. [E! Online]
· Lohan could lose "hundreds of thousands of dollars in sponsorships for her upcoming 21st birthday party," as attaching one's name to an event in which a recovering addict can legally drink herself into oblivion suddenly doesn't seem like such a great idea. [Gatecrasher]
· A "stylist friend" (not Rachel Zoe, thankfully) says that Lohan is enjoying her drying-out time at Promises. "She's happy where she is and is just taking time to herself to learn and be okay." And: "She's doing really, really well." Probably because she's got a buzz going from Saturday night, which helps takes the edge off those totally annoying group sessions. [People]
· Lindsay Lohan laughs during a anti-drunk-driving PSA from two years ago, knowing even then how hilariously ironic her participation in such a project would one day seem. [TMZ]
· And here's a handy timeline covering the period between Lohan's Wonderland graduation and her later enrollment in graduate coursework at Promises. Fun! [UsWeekly.com]
· This is the point where we were crippled by waves of uncontrollable sobbing, wondering if the most talented actress of her generation will ever live up to the considerable promise she showed in that one scene in Mean Girls. [Defamer]

Today, the NY Daily News has compiled a slideshow tracing the trajectory of Lohan's speedy descent from child-star innocence to 20 year-old rehab second-timer, from her first mugshot, to a wild night of chugging gateway cocktails (above) with some hard-partying friends back in Long Island, to the shocking image of the curb she murdered with her Mercedes SL-65 on that fateful early Saturday morning. Meanwhile, the LAT reports on how the Lohan incident could impact the Alcohol Beverage Control Board's ongoing efforts to infiltrate Hollywood's hottest nightspots with undercover celebutard-alikes (actresses who can "play 17," call your agents—they're casting now!); the Board hopes to end the scourge of underage, famous-person drinking before the always-calculating Dakota Fanning decides it's time to finally shake up her wholesome image by being caught stumbling out of Teddy's, stinking of high-end tequila and slurring nonsensical insults about Abigail Breslin.

• Lindsay Lohan's freefall [NY Daily News]
• Lohan bust may mark last call for young stars [LAT]