Finally, the last challenge of this dreadful season of our favorite the fashion design competition. It was yet another "here's some cash, go buy a hooker and some fabric, then make her an outfit" challenge. This time they had to be inspired by something at the Getty Museum and they imported the hookers from the show that dare not speak it's name that airs after Runway. It shouldn't be hard to get excited about beauty in the Getty, but the problem is that the collective talent pool of this group is about as deep as Mad Max's well. How can they be inspired by art when they wouldn't even know how to create something mildly interesting, or at least with a bit of color!

Things We Hated:

• Conspiracy Theories: We really hate it when people say things like "they know he's not talented, but they're keeping him around because he's good TV" and things like that. While we know this is television, we like to think that the competition's producers have at least a little bit of integrity. So now we hate ourselves for thinking that the final three is a great conspiracy by Lifetime to make sure that a woman wins this thing. Sure, the boys pretty much sucked this season (even though Epperson and Ra'Mon deserved more of a chance to show us the goods), but it's a little suspect when the final three are all woman and they are picked by an entirely female panel on Lifetime, television for women. We would never begrudge a woman success, but doesn't this just seem a little bit fishy?
• More Bitching about the Judges: Last night Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine had the gall to say "I don't know who Gordana is as a designer." That is because you didn't even know her name and had to look it up on an index card. Maybe you would have known her name and her (paltry) aesthetic if you bothered to show up every week to do your job. Also, Ms. Kors couldn't make it in for the final judging when two designers were booted off and the final contestants are picked. Isn't that a pretty big deal? And if we couldn't get MK to do the duty, why not ask Tim? Other than Heidi, he's the only person that has seen the work week in and week out.
• Choosing Sides: It seems like the producers are working really hard to make the "bitch edit" happen and have all the designers hate each other. It's like if they manufacture some drama it might distract us from the fact that they are all no-talent, no-personality hacks.
• Having No One to Root For: Does anyone care who wins this whole thing? We don't.
• Michelle Pfieffer and Aston Kutcher: Wow, how sad is it for these two that they're now making movies for Lifetime. And how sad is it that Lifetime thinks we'd actually watch this movie. We'd rather tune in for a Dude, Where's My Car marathon than this sappy estrogen fest.
• Being Bored by Runway: Every reality show has its good years and its bad years. But we just hate hating Runway. It's off year just came at the worst possible point, with a new network and a new production company, which probably means that everyone is going to jump ship and in a year we'll be talking about how "remember when Runway used to be good?" We don't want to give up on it, but this season is making it hard.

Things We Loved:

• Cindy Crawford: Damn, how good does she look guest judging!
• Tim Gunn: It was so sweet when Tim told the designers to go "knock Nina Garcia (FDMCM)'s stillettos off so they fly across the runway." But really, did he think that was going to happen? No. But it's cute that he's still enthusiastic.
• The End: Thank God this season is over. Let's all pray that next season is great again and then instead of saying "remember when Runway was good on Bravo" we can just say "God, remember that really shitty season they rushed into production because of a lawsuit? That was the worst."

In the end, both Gordana and Cry-stopher were sent home to crush smurfs and drown in their tears in solitude. It's not like we'll miss either of you, but it is a little crushing that there won't be one Y chromosome in the finale. But they really deserved to be auf-ed, Cry-stopher for his heavy skirt and runway theatrics, and Gordana for her dress that looked like a giant vagina Georgia O'Keefe painting.

Carol Hannah's stunning gold column, Althea's messy gold somethingorother, and Irina's swishing seafoam structured muumuu were enough to take them to the final in Bryant Park. Yay! The end is in sight.

But there was no end to the bitchiness, the crying, or lack of inspiration this week. To the videos!

Art Thieves
Context: The designers stroll around the Getty Museum looking for inspiration.
Vision: That using something beautiful will help them create beautiful clothing.
Delusion: Silly designers, you need talent to turn art into something creative.
What Would Nina Say?: "What's your name again?"
Dramometer: 4

Fashion Factions
Context: It's Carol Hannah and Althea vs. Irina and Gordana in a fight to the death. But only three will survive.
Vision: Bitching about the other designers will someone make your work better.
Delusion: None of you deserve to be there, and the audience hates all of you. So there!
What Would Nina Say?: "Who is fighting with whom?"
Dramometer: 6

Under the Gunn
Context: Tim Gunn knows that Cry-stopher is going to make an ugly dress and go home. It's what he's been doing for about a month of episodes now—minus the going home part.
Vision: Using a rock to make a dress.
Delusion: Better to use scissors and paper to cut it to shreds, roll it up in a ball, and just throw it away.
What Would Nina Say?: "Tim, why are you talking to that...that, boy!"
Dramometer: 4

Runway Arrogance
Context: Althea watches her dress walk down the runway.
Vision: She uses a bed as inspiration and makes something that is actually pretty cool.
Delusion: No delusion here, other than that having the best dress means she's a great designer.
What Would Nina Say?: "If I knew who you were, I would pick this as a winner."
Dramometer: 3

Meltdown of the Week
Context: Cry-stopher defends his dress with, what else, tears! He compares himself to a rock with a piece of algae on it. That's funny, because we think of him more like a mildewy prom dress that has been left in your parents' basement for 20 years. Really, this is the sorriest thing we've seen since we watched Kim Zolciak sing "Tardy for the Party" live.
Vision: That getting emotional will make the judges see that he made something great.
Delusion: Except the skirt is ugly and looks like a Victorian hooker after she's been graffiti-ed on.
What Would Nina Say?: "I don't know who you are, but I know you won't stop blubbering."
Dramometer: 7

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

Yes, this challenge on our favorite NASCAR sewing race left us totally befuddled. Our hapless designers had to use their past winning looks as inspiration for a new look that would accompany them. So, it's kind of like take a winner and try to do it again. That makes sense. However, if the winner looks are such duds, that they don't't really make for such great touchstones to launch into the future. And Logan's wasn't even a winner. It was the only piece of his clothing they actually like that isn't the tight, shiny pants that he wears that make his little tush look so tasty! Then guess what happened? They gave them some money, told them go to Mood and make whatever the fuck they want. Way to really mix it up and get them out of their comfort zone by having access to the exact same materials they had access to before and telling them to make something just like something they made in the past. This isn't about innovation, it is about regurgitation.

Things We Hated:

• There Are No One-Trick Ponies This Year: Well, actually, there are plenty but no one is getting called out for it, because we don't have the same judges two weeks in a row! That's right, Queen Tangerine was fighting the Great Bronzer Uprising of 2009 in her home kingdom last night and could not be on hand to judge the challenge. So, Carol Hannah is all "I shouldn't make a dress, they're going to notice that I only do dresses." No they won't! They don't even know your name, how can they know your design aesthetic. This infurates me, because it means that good designers—Epperson, Shinira, Spell Check (ha, just kidding)—have been kicked out for having a bad week when we have people like Logan, Gordana, and Christopher still hanging around like that button on your winter coat that you know, just know, is going to fall off any day now and every day it annoys you but you think, "I can get rid of it tomorrow," so you just leave it there to dangle indefinitely until it falls off in a cab or the gutter somewhere never to be heard from again. They're just like that.
• Althea Hates Bras: Apparently part of the inspiration she took from her first look was letting her models titties just flop around like ADD toddlers in the back seat of a station wagon. Just because you're as flat as the pre-Columbian world doesn't mean that your model is. Get her an undergarment!
• Not Knowing What Is Good and What Is Bad: Usually when the six final winners and losers are called to stay on the runway, there is some idea about who is good and who is bad. Last night, everyone got to stay, but we had no idea what the judges were going to think, because they were all pretty shitty and uninspired. That makes us sad like the death of a kitten from swine flu.
• Heidi's Motherfucking Outfit: What the fuck was Heidi wearing at judging? (If you want to, you can click on it below. It's number 7, and it is the scariest thing you will see this Halloween). We had to rewind to make sure that we saw it correctly, because at first we thought she was Liberace's houseboy who washed up on shore after doing too much meth during the costume party of a gay cruise. Let's break it down. First, there is a blue blazer, that looks Ralph Lauren Polo enough, until you notice that there are random patches of sparkle on the sleeves. Did a bunch of Bob Mackie's sequin shit rub off on her when he was a guest judge? Then, she is wearing a pink, printed, ruffled, tuxedo shirt. This points out the problem of conjunctions in fashion. Just imagine the difference between a stylist saying "Wear that with pink or a print or a ruffle or a tuxedo shirt," and saying "Wear that with a shirt that is pink and a print and a ruffle and a tuxedo!" And then, and then, we have to discuss the sparkly Bermuda short situation. Now, fetish gear can be great to spice up the bedroom, but please, do not wear it outside the house, especially when it looks like something Team Rainbow might have worn in the Las Vegas AIDSRide in 1999. Does Heidi realize that the show she hosts is about fashion! Did nobody realize this ensemble before it sashayed down the runway like a hooker looking for its pimp? What did Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine say? Why didn't Nick speak out? And why do they continue to let this woman continue to judge other people's clothes!
• Using the Model's Names: Just because they have their own show now does not mean we care about them, their personalities, or their feelings. Please stop using their names. They are not people, they are the help.
• "Celebrities": One of the positives of the move to L.A. was supposed to be that we would get celebrities on the show. Who have we gotten? Rachel Bils-who? Milla Jovo-who? Lindsay Lohan (we know her), Christina Aguillera (her too, but we forgot about her for awhile), and Kerry Who-shington? Remember when Sarah Jessica Parker was on the show in New York? Just saying.
• Neutrals: Does the palatial L.A. Mood not have a color aisle? Why is every outfit every week either grey, black, white, brown, beige, or something else that is the color of emu vomit. At this point navy blue would be so bright that it would burn up the retinas of all the designers like a film strip left in the projector too long. If someone wants to differentiate themselves, why not make something out of bright yellow neoprene with a giant octopus jizz stain on it. Oh, Ra'Mon. How we long for your apostrophe-riddled days of yore.

Things We Loved:

• Nick Verreos: What a delightful surprise! Nick was kicked off way too early in season two and was one of the most talented and likeable designers in Runway history, and he filled in for Ms. Kors last night. Rather than a shrill, orange gay in a dumpy outfit, we got a witty, naturally olive gay in a dapper ensemble and it made us weep nostalic tears of joy. We're starting a campaign right now: for the upcoming L.A. seasons, replace Ms. Kors with Mr. Verreos. He's smart, knowledgeable, funny, and he knows exactly what the designers are going through on the show. He may not have the name recognition of Michael Kors, who is well know to all TJ Maxx shoppers the world over, but all the Runway diehards know who he is, and that will go a long way toward making us kinda sorta deal with this Lifetime bullshit.
• Gordana The Kung Fu Mom: She may murder Smurfs with her hands and the audience with her boring clothes, but Gordana actually made us laugh last night when she made a funny and said she was going to kick everyone's ass like a "kung fu mom." Oh, the delicious delusion! And how cute were her baby pictures in Bosnia or Serbia or wherever her and Uncle Gargamel are from. Aww.
• Althea Sees Past Logan's Sparkly Tight Pants: "Just because he's cute, he thinks he can do whatever he wants." Yes, Althea, he can, but don't you let him get away with it. You go and win this challenge and show him who is the homely boss!
• Mean-a Irina: This is what the designers call her, and as much as we hate anyone who says "I'm not here to make friends," we love her for being the only one interesting enough to watch on live television. If only she know how to make something that wasn't the color of baby diarrhea.

In the end, we were spared ever having to look at our former crush Logan and his droopy condom of a hat again. Althea won, for some strange reason, but no one deserved to. Althea's winner looked like something Daniel V made and then euthanized, because it was too ugly to live. Logan's loser would be the butt of every joke Jay McCarroll ever made. Carol Hannah's was some boring babydoll thing that Santino Rice could poop out in 26 minutes. Christopher's looked like the best thing that Wendy Pepper ever made, which means it deserves a special medal of disgusting. Irina's was actually like the first dress that Laura Bennett ever made when she was 15 and paired with a sweater she bought at Goodwill. And Gordana's was the visual equivalent of Ambien.

We're going to snore our way through the videos now to see Althea and Irina accuse others of theft, and to see everyone just laugh at Christopher. It will be worth the journey, but just remember this is a monster at the end of this book, and it's name is Heidi.

Turn Down the Volume
Context: Christopher decides to buy as much cheap fabric as he can to make a giant dress. Logan thinks he's nuts. He's right, but that doesn't mean that Logan isn't going home anyway!
Vision: To take a perfectly nice, original party dress, and make a giant version of it that looks like "one dress throwing up another dress." Thank you, Irina.
Delusion: That there is no such thing as too much of a bad thing. More is not better, you size queen.
What Would Nina Say?: "Heidi (snicker) where did you get those knickers?"
Dramometer: 3

Under the Gunn
Context: Carol Hannah is clueless, as she usually is the first two hours of a challenge. Tim Gunn comes over and inspires her to create a "fabulous textile moment."
Vision: To put a colored fabric on top of a black fabric, to make it black. And then design a kind of cute, but ininspired dress. With pockets!
Delusion: That green and black doesn't make black. Black will not set you apart unless you are Christian Siriano and actually have some design talent.
What Would Nina Say?: "Hey, Heidi. I don't think your (hehe) jacket is sparkly enough."
Dramometer: 2

The Heart of Darkness
Context: Althea thinks that Logan is using her "zipper collar" idea from the Christian Aguillera challenge. She asks Irina if she should say something. Being the resident bitch, Irina tries to blow on the spark to make a towering blaze. We love that Irina is bringing her down with her.
Vision: To call someone out for stealing your vision.
Delusion: To think that Althea is actually strong enough to stand up to anyone.
What Would Nina Say?: "Hey, Heidi. Who made your shirt? The Bozo collection?"
Dramometer: 7

Runway Arrogance
Context: Althea watches her winning outfit walk down the runway.
Vision: Something nice and safe inspired by the nice safe thing that won her a challenge the first time around.
Delusion: That she doesn't need to give this girl a bra. Seriously. Her boobs like like the eyes on a hammer head shark.
What Would Nina Say?: "No, Heidi. You really look great. Right Nick?"
Dramometer: 3

Back Talk
Context: Heidi calls Althea out for her outfit looking like Irina's. Althea defends herself honorably. Irina goes for the bitchy gusto and says that Althea is copying her look from last week. Althea is still to classy to bring up the Logan thing.
Vision: Irina steals Althea's idea of accusing another designer of stealing her ideas.
Delusion: That this tactic will work. Mr. Verreos is having none of it.
What Would Nina Say?: "Why don't one of you make a look based on Heidi's outfit instead. That wouldn't bore me."
Dramometer: 8

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

The Legion of Klum!

• The Wrap reports that Project Runway's move to Lifetime has not quite worked out as Harvey Weinstein and company expected. After a very strong debut, ratings have fallen off more than 20 percent. Worse for Lifetime, having the show on its network, for which it paid a hefty price, has done little for its overall ratings picture. In fact, Lifetime's ratings in the critical 18 - 49 female demo are off 13 percent from last year. On the other hand, after losing its signature show, Bravo's ratings are up this year by 5 percent in the 18- 49 demo, and it had its "best ratings quarter ever this summer." So who is auf now Frau Klum? [The Wrap]

• Anthony Hopkins has signed on to play Thor's dad Odin in the Marvel film adaptation of its comic book series. Chris Hemsworth will star as the thunder god, while Natalie Portman will take on the thankless love interest role. Kenneth Branagh is, amazingly, directing. [Variety]

• And the new Mad Max will be...Charlize Theron. Little is known about the working script, but the Oscar winner will apparently be the front woman in director George Miller's reboot of the classic series. [Variety]

• Sethe MacFarlane's American Dad has been renewed for a sixth season. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Sony reported its fourth straight quarter of losses, although the hurt this past quarter was not as bad as analysts had predicted. The company saw sales fall off another 20 percent overall. The motion picture division saw a "30.4% year-on drop in sales — or 20% on a U.S. dollar basis. But as the NY Times reminded us this weekend, what matters is that Michael and Amy really really like each other. [Variety]

• Tensions flared at the wrap of the theater owner's ShowEast conference over the taking forever rollout of digital technology. The Hollywood Reporter reported, "it sounded more like a threat than a promise when University Mall Theatres' Mark O'Meara kicked off one d-cinema presentation by declaring, 'Digital cinema is here to stay.'" [Hollywood Reporter]

• Prepare yourself for Fish Hooks. The first new animated show to be greenlit by the Disney Channel in three years will soon be tormenting your dreams as it is forced down grown-up America's throats by a nation of over-hyped children. [Hollywood Reporter}

I don't know whether it was because I was tired and cranky or because of another "here's some money, go to Mood and buy fabric and make something" challenge, but my Project Runway malaise settled in something fierce last night. And not something fierce like Christian Siriano would have cranked out. Something fierce and evil like one of Nicolas' outfits or Irinia's attitude.

This week, it was Ms. Michael Kors, Queen Tangerine herself, giving the designers something easy to do. That is, buy some fabric and make an outfit inspired by one of the places he loves. It's sad that they were all cities and not things like "The Mystic Tan Booth" and "The Bathroom of Debra Messing's Guest Cottage in the Hamptons," because that might have been challenging. Instead it was places like Greece—yes, the whole entire country—or St. Tropez and a bunch of other places these young, poor, struggling whippersnappers have never been to. Just like a long plane flight, I just want someone to wake me when it's over.

Things We Hated:

• Ms. Kors Flagship Store: Has this man never met a shade of ecru that he doesn't like? He's certainly worn plenty on his face, but he looked shockingly pale last night. Maybe it was just the bad lighting in his all-white store. We wouldn't shop there.
• Gordana's Outfit: Why was she wearing a Pucci-style print dress over a poorly fitting brown sweater? Both were horrible and they didn't look that much better together. It's like she woke up and decided, "I need to look trendy and cool like these kids. What can I throw together?" Better to look old, dowdy, and mother-of-the-bride (to quote Ms. Kors) than to wear this hideous concoction again.
• "Fashion Forward": Next to "Old Hollywood Glamour" this is a phrase always foreshadows something that makes us want to burn our eyelids shut forever. Nicolas used it last night and what he created was neither fashion, nor forward. "Fashion Forward" is like begining a sentence with "but" or "and." It's hard to pull it off, so you just tell first graders not to do it because if they try, they're going to mess it all up. Galliano is fashion forward. McQueen is fashion forward. Garreth Pugh is fashion forward. The rest of you are a bunch of first graders.
• Boys Room and Girls Room: Why do they insist on the boys and the girls sleeping in different apartments? It's like this is '70s sleep away camp. Are they afraid that Logan, Christopher, and Fat Kurt Cobain are going to get in a canoe and row across the lake in the middle of the night to steal Gordana's granny panties? There would be a whole lot more drama if everyone lived in the same loft. It's not like these gay boys are going to try to sleep with the girls. And even if Logan made a move on Carol Hannah, that would be the most exciting thing to happen since Tranny Meth had a breakdown in the first episode.
• Gordana's Necklace: Yeah, it was kind of cool, but this is not Project Jewelry Showroom, and the dress it was attached to sucked. If you can't use the Macy's Great Accessory Wall of Made In China, then you don't get to make jewelry.
• Milla Jovovich: This season the guest judge spot has been the best seat in the house, but last night Milla Jovovich sullied it with her shrill voice, annoying comments, and her affected fashion knowledge. Heidi said that she was a CFDA-nominated designer. Well, she was nominated in 2006 for a line she co-designed with Carmen Hawk. Her label, the creatively titled Jovovich-Hawk, hasn't had a new collection since Spring '08. So, stop thinking you're a real designer, Milla. You are on this show because you work for L'oreal, not because of your hippie frocks. Your job here is to nod your head, say two bitchy things, have no real observations, and leave the real assessment to Ms. Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine.

Things We Loved:

• Reunited and It Feels Kinda Alright: Ms. Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine were together again for the first time since the Ice Age, and it was very nice. There were no real fireworks or histrionics from either, but it was so comforting to have everything back to normal. It's like coming home for Thanksgiving freshman year of college and getting a big hug from your mom.
• My Mom: Speaking of my mom, she always says, "Michael Kors can't be that great of a designer. Whenever I go to TJ Maxx, they always have a ton of his crap!" That's so true. And we thought about that a lot last night, during the "Michael Kors Race to the Discount Racks Challenge."
• Logan Didn't Channel "Old Hollywood Glamor": Our old crush Logan pulled Hollywood as his inspiration destination, and he didn't even once think about going "OHG." His crappy outfit looked like something he fished out of his own closet, but bravo on the restraint.
• "I Guess You Could Wear It In Greece": This what Nicolas said about his outfit, which was supposed to be inspired by the cradle of civilization. It turned out to be about as Grecian as a bus tour of Turkey. Yes, it was a real turkey, but we love his blatant disregard for a really stupid challenge.
• Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine Has Been Hanging Out With Drag Queens: She said the word "fantasy" three times last night. She never used to say this before. Fashion people don't use this word. Know who does? Drag queens! They love to conjure "the fantasy." During all those episodes she missed, NGFDMCM must have been hanging out at La Cage Aux Folles, and that is pretty rad.

In the end, Nicolas was sent home for his ode to a Grecian urn that looked like a mummy was attacked by a pair of discount Michael Kors pants from TJ Maxx. He really deserved to go home. As did Christopher. And probably Logan. If we're sending people packing, might as well put Gordana, Irina, Carol Hannah, and Althea on the kicked off express too. Not one of these outfits deserved to win. None of them was stunning or particularly inventive or attractive. I don't know if these guys aren't as talented as designers in other seasons, if they are under worse time constraints, if they're sad because they never know if Papa Kors and Mama NGFDMCM are going to show up to rescue them from sleep away camp—but whatever the reason is, they suck. At least when all the designers sucked last season we had Evil Queen Kenley to bring some drama, but this time we got two giggly blondes, two bitches, two clueless boys, and Gargamel. Not compelling television.

Oh, Irina won. Again.

Before we give up on this enterprise altogether (and really, we never would, because talking about how much Runway sucks is a whole lot more fun than talking about how much we love some other show), let's take a look at the videos and try to find some redemption, shall we?

Contents Under Pressure
Context: Crystopher (because he always crys!) and Fat Kurt Cobain are all in a tizzy because they have to design for Queen Tangerine. They will end up in the bottom two.
Vision: To come up with a dress that is going to wow a great American designer and doing it with a belt and some blouse that looks like a white venus flytrap eating a model.
Delusion: That Michael Kors is some great man who doesn't design exclusively for TJ Maxx.
What Would Nina Say?: "Sorry, Michael, but this is not the fantasy you were hoping for."
Dramometer: 2

Under the Gunn
Context: Tim Gunn tries to guide the once-promising Christopher to keep him from making another horrible creation. Tim tries so hard, but once he gives up, we shall all crumble beneath him.
Vision: To make a really cool belt that Milla Jovovich will go back to 1983 to buy and rip off.
Delusion: That this is Project Belt Shop. Make a good dress or go home. Epperson would gladly take over for you, and we would gladly welcome him back.
What Would Nina Say?: "This isn't a fantasy. It's a nightmare!"
Dramometer: 4

We're Friends. Really.
Context: The producers make everyone hang out so that something compelling might happen. All they really get is some footage to run under Fat Kurt Cobain talking about how much he loves everyone.
Vision: Nicholas believes that they are all friends and really talented.
Delusion: He's been talking shit about these people all season and saying how much they suck. They hate you, Kurt! You people are not friends. And you're not talented. Everything you say is a lie.
What Would Nina Say?: "Do you believe your own fantasy?"
Dramometer: 3

Runway Arrogance
Context: Carol Hannah watches her Palm Beach-inspired maxi dress walk down the runway.
Vision: To create a summery print dress that rich people will want to wear to the beach.
Delusion: It's nice, but not groundbreaking.
What Would Nina Say?: "For a minute, I was fantasizing that a hot blond guy named Pierre was bringing me an Orangina and vodka on the beach."
Dramometer: 3

Long Live the Queen
Context: While harshing on Logan's latest mediocre creation, Queen Tangerine hits the nail on the head. "They're clothes, they're not fashion." Welcome to season six, people.
Vision: Logan thinks he deserves to be designing for someone other than H&M. Also, zippers.
Delusion: Based on this showing, he's wrong. Also, zippers?!
What Would Nina Say?: "If you think I'm not going to strangle Milla, then you have a serious case of fantasy."
Dramometer: 5

The Cruelty of the World as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

Yes, last night was another shocking episode of Project Runway. No, Lifetime didn't stop airing lady vitamin commericals and we didn't have both of the judges, but for the second week in a row, the elimination was a bit surprising. We will get there soon enough, but before that we have so much to discuss, like another "Here's some money go buy some shit and make a dress" challenge. But this one starred Cher's main bedazzler, Bob Mackie, and all the kids making a dress for Christina Aguillera. When they find out they're working for her, they jump up and down like a good bunch of trained monkeys or a group of gay boys in 2002. It's all very exciting.

Things We Hated:

• This Space is Reserved for Bitching About Judges: Finally, finally we got back Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine. But that means that Michael Kors was missing. Are these two feuding or something? Give us back our fucking judges. Actually, I was a little sad that Nina was back, because I actually wanted to see either Vice Principal Glassner or Second Assistant Headmistress Roberts last night, because I finally decided I was going to call them "Pinta" and "Santa Maria" becuase, they came after Nina and aren't as cool. Then Nina sails back from judging an indigenous peoples' beauty contest in 1492 and ruins my joke. Ugh.
• Heidi's Pants: If you ever want to know what a slutty biker chick from hell looks like, it was Heidi during her first appearance yesterday wearing a pair of red leather pants with black scrawl all over them. Not only was the crotch insane (as an absent Ms. Kors would say), but they were totally nasty. Heidi actually bought these at Britney Spear's yard sale. Heidi was all "These are great, why are you getting rid of them?" And Britney said, "I've never worn them. I think they're too trashy." There you have it.
• Immunity: Gordana should have gone home last night for that thing that looked like her model took a gigantic dump in her sequined diaper. Adult baby is never sexy, no matter what your husband's favorite website tells you. But no, she had immunity. Nicolas should have gone home last week for his pool of Ent vomit, but immunity saved him too. Now it's off the table for the rest of the season and we can send some jokers home.
• Old Hollywood Glamor: Stop trying to channel it. It is not going to happen. And no one wants to look old. This is fashion, it's about making something new. Stop trying, and get some originality. That means you, Shirina.
• Carol Hannah and Logan: Not only are we over our ex-boyfriend Logan, but we are over the show trying to make him out to be some sexy Lothario. Didn't we see the exact same "Carol Hannah thinks he's sexy" segment a few weeks back? We get it. He's hot, and straight, and all the ladies love him. Giggle, giggle.
• The Boys: Christopher, Logan, and Nicolas all suck. Usually there is a fair balance of (gay) male and female talent on the show, but this time around, the ladies are smoking the guys. Did they do this for Lifetime's benefit?
• The Great Orange Plague of 2009: The judges need to get some designer swine flu maskes, proto (we're amazed that Louis Vuitton hasn't already come out with these, they'd be huge in the Asian market). The great orange infection is spreading, and Queen Tangerine Michael Kors wasn't even around this week. However, Bob Mackie got the infection from sitting in his chair, and he passed it on to Heidi, NGFDMCM, and Christina Aguillera. If Tim shows up next episode looking any shade darker than his usual death pallor, we're calling the World Health Organization.
• Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine's Necklace: Is this what they gave you for sitting on the Miss New World pageant's dais? It was huge and ugly. We thought it was either an anchor to keep her from floating away or some sort of boomerang weapon that she was going to take off, swing around her head, and let go, flinging it in the direction of any outfit that bored her, knocking it off the runway and then screeching back into her hand for the next assault. Whatever it was, it was definitely hideous, even for Chicos.

Things We Loved:

• Bob Mackie's Dresses: The little exhibit of his fashions they took the designers to was seriously awesome. Bob Mackie may be over the top and crazy, but he has made some great show pieces in his day. Too bad none of these designers could live up to him, but how could you. And how did they get through the whole episode without one mention of the Carol Burnett Curtain Rod Dress? Mackie was also a great judge. He was orange, bitchy, and loved to look at the models' asses. Wait, are he and Ms. Kors the same person?
• Bitchy Tim: We hated this a few weeks ago, but we have learned to love Tim, who is the bomb. This week he had all sorts of harsh criticism for this bunch of marginally-talented sewers (yes, they are both people who sew and underground channels for human refuse). At this point in the season it's obvious that Tim is sick of L.A., that he thinks all these designers are hacks, and he just can't want to get back to New York so that he can spend a week straight sitting in Marie's Crisis singing show tunes and bitching about how there isn't a good piano bar for miles in L.A.
• "Just Put Some Diamonds on the Crotch and You're Home Free": That is Bob Mackie's fashion advice. This man shits sparkles and his pubic hair is made out of maribu. Live his fantasy!
• Saw VI: This movie got hip to the fact that the ladeez love horror movies and they are advertising on Lifetime during Runway. Strangely enough, watching the people react to torture is exactly what it sounds like in my living room every Thursday while we sit through countless commercials for lady vitamins, pee sticks, cleaning supplies, and Sorority Wars.

So, in the end, it was Shirina who went home for trying to channel "Old Hollywood Glamor" and winding up with something that looked like a dizzy whirling Dervish stuck in a blender. It was bad. Still, Shirina had come up with some good looks in the past, unlike Christopher, who has been floundering after a strong early showing. This is his third trip to the bottom in three weeks. Christopher, we know what your bad luck charm is and it is attached to your face. Shave it off. These were by far the worst two of the evening, barring Geordana's which was a sight so horrible that she should have had her immunity revoked and been sent home anyway. You know Ms. Kors would have demanded it if she were there.

We were fans of Our Girl Althea's silver sequined number, even though the train was too long. Carol Hannah deserved the win for her all-black sequin and feather number, though we bet it looked even better in person. This really did Mackie proud. We didn't think that Logan's was that horrible, and neither was Fat Kurt Cobain's. It was a retread (but none of the judges would know that, because none of them were there the last time he made this outfit), but it was something that Christina Aguilera really would have worn. A begrudging good job, Kurt.

Want to see more bitchy Irina, crazy contestants, and one of Tim Gunn's best take downs of all time? Then slip into this sparkly video number. You'll look just like Cher at the Oscars!

Under the Gunn
Context: Christopher tells Tim about his drag queen moment for Christina, and Tim is concerned it is ugly.
Vision: "Remember that time in Minneapolis where Shaleda Henry came out wearing this crazy black coat and then took it off and had sparkle panties and a corset on underneath? That was fierce."
Delusion: That anyone wants to look like a drag queen. Not even drag queens want to look like drag queens!
What Would Nina Say: "I wouldn't even wear that on a dare!"
Dramometer: 4

The World's Most Boring Asylum
Context: Gordana hiding from her heinous creation and everyone behaving crazy in the workroom.
Vision: The producers think they can show how the pressure is making everyone crack. So dramatic! And wild!
Delusion: Really, it's just some people giggling, putting fabric on their heads, and wheeling around mannequins. They don't need medication. Like a whiny four year old, they just need some cookies and a nap.
What Would Nina Say: "Never in my life have I behaved this way."
Dramometer: 1

The Bitch Edit
Context: The Bitch Edit is a phenomenon discovered by our perilous live blogger MisterHippity, who noticed that, all of the sudden, the show is turning Irina into a villain of the highest order.
Vision: The producers suddenly discovered that there is no one to hate, and they are including every one of her mean comments on the show.
Delusion: We do not hate her. We applaud this, because we can't be the only one hating on this show.
What Would Nina Say: "Why do they always call women like us a (makes air quotes) 'bitch?'"
Dramometer: 6

Runway Arrogance
Context: Carol Hannah stops making kissy face with Logan long enough to watch her dress walk down the runway.
Vision: To have no clue what you're doing, buy a bunch of fabric, and try to pull something off based only on skill.
Delusion: Usually this is the biggest delusion of all, but CH pulls it off. Good job.
What Would Nina Say: "I like it, but it won't read on TV. I don't read at all. It hurts my eyes."
Dramometer: 3

Back Talk
Context: Christopher tries to defend the outfit that should have sent him home. He gets savaged. At least he's stopped crying when he's on the bottom.
Vision: That if he says the designers hurt his pride, they'll stop making fun of him.
Delusion: Sorry, Chris, the only way they're going to leave you alone is if you start making something good again.
What Would Nina Say: See for yourself.
Dramometer: 6

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

Yes, we have a bunch of divorced brides on last night, and they wanted to turn their wedding dresses into something new and fashionable for a "new chapter" in their lives. Except some of the ladies were divorced more than a decade, so this outfit is more like the fourth book an author churns out to follow up on a successful trilogy 10 years after it was completed because he needs the money to pay his child support bills. Each of the designers got saddled with a "client" who got input into what they should make and they had a limited budget and limited amount of fabric, so they had to rely on the all dressed in white these ladies marched down the aisle to meet their ill-fated grooms.

Not a bad challenge, but we saw it before with fat brides who wanted a skinny outfit, and we liked it better then, because getting skinny is always a better cause for new couture than being single. And of course, having to listen to clients, especially in a wedding-related challenge is always a killer for some weak-willed designer who won't stand on their own.

What We Hated:

• Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine: We never thought we'd say this, Nina, but we hate you. We hate your blithe disregard for not showing up to do your job. Yes, being on Runway is your real job. The only reason Marie Claire hired you was so that they could get their ass on the show and hopefully get some of that mojo that Elle acquired by placing itself in the center of every silly reality contest on the globe. That's right, NGFDMCM was absent again this week. The last time she was a judge was at the last Salem witch trial in 1692. And when you're gone, we're saddled with Second Assistant Headmistress Zanna Roberts, who we don't like, mostly because she's not you. It's time to wake up and go to work, Nina.
• Nicolas: Who is the most vile, untalented, lucky, and annoying person on this season? The answer is Fat Kurt Cobain. We will also accept Adult Chucky for partial credit. This week he even made an admittedly ugly outfit, and he gets away with impunity. Even when he won in the movie challenge, he robbed the victory from Christopher and Epperson. And then he talks shit about everyone else and has really bad hair. We hate him. And not in a fun way like we hate Santino and Kenley. In a bad way, like we hate Second Assistant Headmistress Roberts and Lifetime.
• Listening to the Client: Contestants on Runway that listen to the client are as stupid as the castaways on Survivor who don't learn how to make a fire before being stranded on a desert island. They are easy things to learn, and both will get you booted off the show something quick. So, for all future Runway contestants, I'm going to spell it out now: never listen to the client, dumbass. They are ugly untrained masses who probably buy polar fleece at Old Navy. They are like a 4 year old that wants ice cream for dinner, and you are a very stern mother who must tell them that, while that sounds fun, you'll be better off without it. Whip them up a nice tuna casserole, and they'll think it's tasty and Ms. Kors is always hungry, so she'll be happy you brought leftovers.
• The Macy's Accessory Wall: Please, stop making Tim Gunn tell us to go there every week. No one uses it, ever. And then, two designers grabbed a bag off of it this week when they had bad outfits, hoping that just having a purse up there might make Heidi and Co say "Wow, they used the Macy's Accessory Wall" and they would be so distracted they wouldn't see the trail of ugly before them. It didn't work. Also, it reminds me of Tamara Melon's daughter's dress-up box, which is full of tired and worn selections that no one really likes, but they trot them out just to have a laugh. That does not make me want to shop at Macy's.
• No One has a Point of View: There are a few talented designers on this season—like Irina, Shirin, Christopher, Epperson, and Althea—but I would never see a garment and say "Oh, that is a Shirin." Shit, I can still barely tell the difference between her and Irina! In the past, even the crappy designers had an aesthetic. Yes, sometimes it would get boring when Laura or Chloe would trot out similar things each week, but at least they had some personality.
• Models of the Runway: I know I vowed not to discuss it. But I hate this show more and more each week, and how they take precious time out of our Runway to promote it even when they aren't using the stupid models. If all the hatred in my heart wasn't occupied with lady vitamin commercials on Lifetime, this abomination would get even more.

Things We Loved:

• Tamara Melon: Again, the guest judge chair is a seat of honor. If this were a Valentine's episode of The Simpsons, we'd Choo-Choo-Choose You, Tamara. She is fair to the good designers, and delivers a stiletto to the throat of the horrible. Our new favorite guest judge. And how did they land a real designer like her? Oh, she works for Halston, which happens to be owned by The Weinstein Company. Oh, crafty!
• Heidi's Outfits: We may not know what to call Just Say Heidi, but she looked great last night. Maybe Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine gives her bad fashion advice so that Heidi will look stupid on camera, and now that NGFDMCM is gone, she's improved.
• Fewer People, More Sewing: The best part of this show is watching talented people do something we could never do at home. Now that the pack has been thinned a bit, we don't have to spend as much time with all the dead weight and we can actually see a bit of the creative process.
• Everyone's Over Logan: Nothing about how hot he is this week, and his design sucked and his shiny pants couldn't save him. Here's what it feels like to be an ugly, Logan. Get used to it.
• Oktoberfest Moments: We heard this phrase more than once last night. We're sure calling outfits "moments" has been in fashion parlance for years, but in pop cultural parlance it started with Rachel Zoe—along with "bananas," "shut it down," and "I DIE!" Where is Zoe's show? Bravo! So, it just goes to show you, Lifetime, you can take your judges off of Bravo, but you can't take the Bravo out of your judges. Suck on that, lady vitamins!

In the end, Gordana justifiably won with her tattered dress made out of the lining of her bridal gown. When her client said she wanted something "punk rock" we thought, "Good luck!" But that was just the push this usually safe seamstress need to go from making something competent to making something great. Also, we learned why her hands are always black. It is because her brother is Gargamel, and he ships Smurfs back from the old country and she mashes them between her hands and then uses the juice to dye fabric. There is always a bit of pain in beauty. Shirina's dresses (that is both Shirin and Irina, since we can't tell them apart anyway) were both good, but not great.

Fighting for the night's ugliest award was Logan and Epperson, and it was our wise silent sage who went gently into that good night to clean up his workspace and go home. We bet he flipped off the camera and made a really ugly face on the way out, but never spoke a word. But really, everyone was competing for the ugly award last night, especially Fat Kurt Cobain who dressed his client up in another Oktoberfest nightmare, and he didn't even end up on the worst dressed list. Clearly he deserved a calling out more than Christopher, who also had an ugly bloated gown that looked like Laura Palmer when she was fished out of the river covered in plastic. Our Girl Althea made a rare misstep and Carol Hannah looked like she made something for the J. McCarroll line at JCPENNEY. A bunch of ugly, people. You all deserved a harsh drubbing.

Oh, and somebody got one. For more on Epperson, Evil Fat Kurt Cobain, and Oktoberfest, we are taking our steins to the videos in the biergarten. Prost!

Don't Listen to The Client
Context: Shirina meets with her model, and she wants a dress to perform in that is like Cher at the Oscars. Shirina makes the smart move of not listing to her. Never listen to the client, people!
Vision: A crazy, fashion-forward stripper ensemble that Bob Mackie would love.
Delusion: That a 23 year old straight girl will know what Cher "Half Breed" is. If she had said it to Fat Kurt Cobain, he would have said, "Work!" and tilted his head back and snapped his fingers and gotten out the feathers. He would have listened and gone home, and we would all rejoice by playing Cher songs.
What Would Tamara Mellon Say: "Darling, I just hate Cher, but I love her plastic surgeon."
Dramometer: 5

Under the Gunn
Context: Shirina is having a hard time grasping the challenge, and doesn't know what to make. Grampa Gunn offers her some advice and a Werther's Original.
Vision: That listening to Tim Gunn will save you.
Delusion: No delusion there. "Don't listen to the client" is as true as "Always listen to Tim." Shirina didn't win, but she came close.
What Would Tamara Melon Say: "Darling, I would offer you a job working for Halston, but you're prettier than me, and we can't have that."
Dramometer: 4

Smells Like Fat Kurt Cobain Spirit
Context: Nicolas is a turd. He tells his divorcee that his outfit looks great on her, and then calls it an ugly piece of shit behind her back. He's right. It is. She looks like a schizophrenic Ewok princess. Still, somehow, the judges don't rip him apart over this.
Vision: "But it's what she wanted."
Delusion: Fat Kurt, what did we tell you before. God, don't you people listen!
What Would Tamara Melon Say: "Darling, she looks like when my daughter dressed up as Swamp Thing for Halloween."
Dramometer: 5

Runway Arrogance
Context: Gordana watches her winning garment go for a stroll.
Vision: To rely on her skills as a seamstress and make something that is a little bit more wild and creative than usual.
Delusion: None. Gargamel will be so proud.
What Would Tamara Melon Say: "Darling, I think I stole this out of Vivianne Westwood's closet once at a party. I had too much coke and champagne and I probably shouldn't have, but it fit so well!"
Dramometer: 2

Judge, Jury, Executioner
Context: Epperson not only got the boot, but he got a beautiful tongue lashing from all the judges, except Second Assistant Headmistress Roberts. She is not allowed to speak. This one was harsh, and a classic. At least he didn't cry. Also, we love hearing Heidi speak German.
Vision: That no one is going to make fun of this crazy ass get up.
Delusion: The judges were delusional for sending Epperson home and not Logan with his ugly Oktoberfest vest and pants. How do you say "gross" in German?
What Would Tamara Melon Say: Watch for yourself!
Dramometer: 8

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

Last night we were back with a "go to Mood and buy some fabric and make a dress" except there was a twist: the fabric had to be blue! Not green or yellow or pink or beige, but blue—the color of lagoons, moons, and your face when you stubbornly yell at Runway to bring back Nina Garcia and they don't listen. They also had to make a holiday dress, which we thought at first meant it was going to be a parade of sweaters with little yarn Santas and bulbous Rudolphs, but the holiday thing, like a Christmas when you live in Who-ville, never came this year. Unless the holiday was Billie Holiday, cause she got some serious blues. Also, death. Poor girl.

So, the designers had to pitch designs to INC, the bargain brand for people who are too fancy to shop at JCPenney or Sears but really enjoy their prices and design aesthetic. It's also the in-house label for Macy's, famous for it's great unused accessory wall, and the people who pay the bills for this fair show. Has Runway ever made you want to go to Macy's or buy INC? That's what we thought. Well, maybe if you spent some money there they could afford to hire real designers and not poach our scared little fellows.

Things We Hated:

• Missing Judges, Week 17: This was the 19 trillionth episode in a row that Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire magazine missed. Not only could they not get NGFDMCM, they also couldn't get Vice Principal Glassner. Instead, we got stuck with Second Assistant Headmistress Zanna Roberts, who has a name like a Wonder Twin, but talks like she is the daughter of the cafeteria worker at Hogwarts. We would say that getting stuck with her is like when the President and the Vice President can't come to the funeral and they send the first lady instead, but we would much rather have Michelle Obama sporting couture during our final moments above the ground than Barry or Joe, so we're not going to say that. We'll say that next time Ms. Kors needs a snack, he should eat her.
• The Great Orange Infection of 2009: We are beyond thrilled that Queen Tangerine decided to come back from his villa in Oompah Loompah land, but he seems to have brought with him a very virulent strain of discoloring fever from the Wonka Wilderness. All of the judges were his patented shade of fake tan last night, including Heidi, Assistant Headmistress Roberts, and that lady from INC who can't even wear a blazer that fits. Apparently, she got the Apricot Flu so badly it went to stage two—fashion dementia—because she thought it was OK to wear a cap-sleeved white blazer that won't close over her stomach on national television.
• Neck Doilies: They are just wrong, always.
• Team Challenges: Team challenges like this are the easiest way for mediocre designers to get promoted. So, the five best designs were chosen by the INC lady, which theoretcially means those are the five best designers for the challenge, and they each choose a teammate. You know that the team leaders are always the ones who go home, so the crappier designers who didn't get picked are all safe. Isn't that stupid? Also, if a crappy lady gets stuck with a visionary—like Uli's mom who got dragged across the finish line kicking and screaming by Irina—she gets to stay when someone like Kenley Jr. gets the boot. Not like KJ was any better than Gordana, but she was at least a little bit better. Right?
• Bitchy Tim: Grampa Gunn hates L.A. There is too much sun and people wear flip flops in public and he has to drive a car. It's horrible, and he's taking it out at work. He snapped over leggings, and got bitchy with Kenley Jr for losing her money, and this continues a pattern of our mentor getting a little snippy. Where's our old lovable Grampa G who would give us Werther's Originals and tell us stories about what really goes on back stage at fashion week. Come back!
• Loving Logan: We dumped Logan. This is the second week in a row that we got a montage about how cute he is and whenever all the girls in the work room are around him, all they can do is hang their hands and giggle while covering their mouths going, "I don't know," like he's some handsome stranger asking a group of Japanese schoolgirls for directions on the Tokyo subway. Thinking he's cute is just a cliche.
• Crying!: Hey Chris, we were about to ask you to go steady since we dumped Logan and all, but you have a chin strap beard thing, made a neck doily, and then you cried at judging. This is only acceptable if you are going to have full-scale, blubbering meltdown like season two's Andre. We want no party of your paltry little tears. If you want to make a spectacle, that's fantastic, but trying to hold it back just makes you look pathetic.

Things We Loved:

• Ms. Kors, Our Burnt Sienna Savior: This is why you hired this man in the first place, people, and why he needs to be here every week. He came back from his sabbatical and not only dropped the line about Kenley Jr.'s dress looking like it was attacked by a loofah, but then he totally eviscerates Chris with a simple flick of his limp wrist. Well done, Ms. Kors.
• Irina and Nicolas: While it's still nearly impossible to distinguish Irina from Shirin, the producers have figured out the difference: she's the bitchy one. Almost as bitchy as Nicolas. These are the two they turn two when they need catty comments about the other designers. Neither is as pithy as Jay McCarroll or as egotistically original as Christian Siriano, but their barbs are a welcome distraction from all the lousy design that is going on this season.
• Sorority Wars Commercials: If we have to watch Lifetime's horrible vagina-based advertisements each week (welcome back, lady vitamins), we are glad that the boring promos for Joan Allens very serious Georgia O'Keefe and the Secrets of Lady Flowers Brought to You By Secret have been replaced by this bit of pop trash starring Alison from Melrose Place. That's much more our speed.

In the end, Kenley Jr (nee Louise), was sent home for her misuse of Ruffles. Apparently, Heidi likes pork rinds, Michael Kors is a Doritos man, and Assistant Headmistress Roberts doesn't eat because she works at a fashion magazine. They held the threat of a double elimination over our heads, and we think that we would gave gotten one if, say, Louise and wise old sage Epperson were on the same team, but she was saddled with Fat Kurt Cobain, who won immunity last week, so she was the only one cleaning up her work space.

The winners were Shirin Irina and Gordana whose outfits were just boring enough to actually be in Macy's. Really not one of the looks was overly appealing last night. If you're going to get a boring old brand to pay the bills, you're going to get at least one boring ass challenge each year. Maybe in the future we can have the Gareth Pugh chain mail accessories and dove-shaped hats wall. At least then the designers could make asymmetrical frocks with boobs hanging out.

So, if you want to see some '70s stewardess dresses and Ms. Kors acid tongue, then get yourself to the videos!

Sold My Soul to the Company Store
Context: The designers pitch their ideas to some lady from INC. She smiles and nods and doesn't say much.
Vision: They are going to get international recognition for making a dress that will be sold in Macy's!
Delusion: That they are going to bring their individual talents to a brand that is more like an infinite number of seamstress monkeys at an infinite number of typewriters, and ends up with a bunch of pissed off seamstress monkeys who don't know how to type.
What Would Ms. Kors Say: "She looks like Farrah Fawcett came back from the dead as a brain-dead alcoholic!"
Dramometer: 3

Under the Gunn
Context: Tim Gunn schools Carol Hannah and IrinaShirin on his hatred of leggings.
Vision: That a bitchy quip from Grampa Gunn can cease the tide of skintight trousers.
Delusion: Have you been to New York lately, Tim. They're everywhere! Oh, sorry, you're stuck in L.A. Nevermind.
What Would Ms. Kors Say: "Your legs look like two pork sausages stuffed in an aubergine casing!"
Dramometer: 6

Righteous about Ruffles
Context: Louise is forcing Fat Kurt Cobain to make a dress with ruffles.
Vision: He's taking orders because he has immunity and wants her to fuck up so badly she gets thrown off. Like a Magic Eight Ball with limp hair, Fat Kurt has got some serious vision.
Delusion: That he stands a chance of winning even with her gone.
What Would Ms. Kors Say: "It looks like a loofah attacked your dress!"
Dramometer: 5

Runway Arrogance
Context: Carol Hannah and Irina (Shirin? Oh, who cares...) watch their looks walk down the runway. They are the best of the bunch.
Vision: Retro stewardess is going to be super hot this year. Quick, put your tray table in the upright position and grab a Pan Am bag from the Macy's accessory wall.
Delusion: Not so much.
What Would Ms. Kors Say: "This is very chic. If you got in a time machine and went back to when I was in fashion school and snorting lines of blow with Halston in the bathroom at 54."
Dramometer: 2

Queen Tangerine's Reign of Infamy
Context: Michael Kors shows us how the experts rip apart two outfits in under 45 seconds. Christopher cries.
Vision: That you reinvented the shirt dress.
Delusion: That you can survive Queen Tangerine after her punny wrath has been bottled up due to 978 weeks of absence.
What Would Ms. Kors Say: Watch the damn video! It's a classic.
Dramometer: 9

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated on Models of the Runway

And it's a bun! That's right. Padma Lakshmi, the gorgeous, allluring, beautiful, exotic, wonderful, slow-talking, beautiful, gorgeous host of Top Chef is with child. No one is saying who the father is, as of yet, and Padma is keeping a low profile, since her battle with endometriosis means its a high-risk pregnancy. We wonder if the cheftestants will have to cook extra in those Quickfire Challenges if she's eating for two.

In other good news, three of the channel's other reality stars—Real Housewives of New York's Bethenny Frankel, Top Chef's Fabio Viviani, and Project Runway's Christian Siriano—have been given shows of their own. Well, it appears that Bravo got custody of it's little gay stepchild during the divorce with Runway! Siriano will have a show about setting up his own business as a designer. This is going to be a must-watch, catch phrase-spewing machine.

Viviani will also have a show about his business, as he tries to take over California with his charm and accent. Frankel will just be saying bitchy things to the camera and getting in fights with Kelly Bensimon for an hour each week. We wish. Actually, we're going to have to watch her cook and try to make sweet, sweet love to the men of New York. I spotted her at a party the other night on the arm of a very handsome gentleman, indeed, so at least there will be some eye candy. Anyway, now that Bravo is spawning its own stars and giving them their own shows, just how long before it folds in on itself in a black hole of meta? Not sure, but I'll probably be watching when it happens.

[Image via Getty]

Ugh, don't even get us started on Ms. Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine. They are the laziest people on all of reality television and that includes the dolts on Big Brother who have nothing to do but lie around in a house for three months and pick stupid fights with each other. Instead, let us focus on the positive, because last night was the second good episode in a row! We've finally gotten to the point where most of the dead weight is gone and there is time to learn about the designers and who they are and how they work.

The producers also came up with another good challenge, even though it was of the "go to Mood and buy the fabric" variety, at least everyone had to work within a movie genre. Designers had to make an outfit for a character in an imaginary film and come up with a silly story for who their character was. Considering a noted fashion designer once told us that the inspiration for his collection that season was "a bohemian girl's aristocratic grandmother dies and she goes to the estate house she just inherited and throws a huge part for all her friends," this could come in handy in the real world.

Things We Hated:

• The Fucking Judges: OK, now we're getting started. Ms. Kors and NGFDMCM didn't show up again. This is Nina's third consecutive absence and Ms. Kors has been gone since the fourth episode of season three. Here is why this is pissing me off this week. All Runway fans were a little wary of this season, on a new network and by new producers. We were talking about how it was going to suck and how it would be all different before the season even aired. We needed our bitchy guides to help us navigate our way through the storm. And where are they? They're not here! We are adrift. And if the people who work for this show can't be bothered to show up for it, then why the hell should we? Let's just give up like Queen Tangerine and his bitchy lady in waiting. We can always watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta instead and Nene wouldn't give up being on camera for a whole mountain of leprechaun's gold.
• Vice Principal Glassner: I did not have to look up Zoe Glassner's name or how to spell it this week. That annoyed me. Also, she is boring. Same goes for John Varvatos, who is supposed to be the rock 'n' roll designer, but he was more like an ambient trance remix of an Air Supply song.
• Fat Kurt Cobain: Nicolas is slimy. He is gross and slimy and he talks shit about the other contestants. We usually love that, but when he does it, it sort of feels like he's the shifty guy in prison who thinks he's so much better than everyone even though his fat face and limp hair look just as bad in an orange jumpsuit.
• Collier Strong: Every year the makeup man comes to work his wonders. We do not like him because he is neither crazy nor mean. If you can't be one of these, then you must go back to civilian life and leave reality TV alone. Also, he looks like a gay John Locke from Lost.
• Carol Hannah: Bitch, you better step the fuck off my man. I swear to God, I will steal all your bobbins and make your life a living hell. And while you're at it, pick a name. You only get one. Just ask Epperson.
• Liking Straight People: Call it homosexual bias or what you will, but I always root for the gay people to win reality shows. Usually they lose, cause there is only one or two, but on Runway there is a fighting chance they could win, since every contestant with a penis has had another man's in his hand at some point. This year, the straight guys are far better than the gays. I am in lust with Logan, who is an adequate designer with a slamming body. Epperson is wise like a black fashion Merlin when they don't put him on mute. I'm starting to think that Christopher is straight too, because it is not physically possible for a God-fearing homosexual to shave a chin strap onto his face. My ex-boyfriend tried once and some reflex on the gay gene kicked in and made him slit his throat instead. Now he is dead.

Things We Loved:

• Heidi's Blue Dress: Usually Heidi dresses like shit and is pregnant, so we don't pay much attention to her. Last night when she introduced the challenge she had on this awesome formfitting navy dress that blew us away. Way to dress, Heidi. Since you're the only judge at least we know you have some fashion credibility.
• The Guest Judge: Following in the footsteps of that bitchy lady who tried to steal Logan and Eva Longoria-Parker, costume designer Arianne Phillips was a revelation last night. She was knowledgeable, fair, and gave an honest appraisal of how the costumes would actually work in a movie. Sarah Jessica Parker must have farted in that chair, cause everyone who has been in it this season has worn her stink well.
• Old Hollywood Glamour: No one used the most cliched and meaningless of all fashion phrases! In a challenge about the movies! The restraint is amazing.
• Christopher: He turns it out every week. This week's creation was another stunner. And he's cute. If he shaved his face, we'd even let Carol Hannah have Logan and run away with him and have a Vampire wedding in Massachusetts or Bon Temps where such things are legal.
• DVR: Watching the Lifetime version of Runway without its lady vitamin and pee stick commercials was a wonderful blessing. But now we can't pick on their crappy commercials!

So, in the end, it was Ra'Mon and his superfluous apostrophe that got sent home. We were a little shocked. We thought Kenly Jr.'s bangs were going to have to get back in her time machine and travel back to the era that she designs from, but she was spared to accuse people of stealing her bobbins another day. Even her boring time warp weren't as bad as Ra'Mon's sci-fi outfit that looked like a stupid sorority girl trying to rock a Sexy Sleestak (Skeezestak?) costume for Halloween.

Fat Kurt was the winner, and we can't disagree, though we would have given the title to either Christopher, whose crazy vampire bride inspired period costume was amazing in its ruffled majesty. Epperson made the most of getting stuck with the Western category and made this awesome ruffley denim thing with a big brown belt that looked like it could have won an Oscar for Renee Zellweger in Cold Mountain. We say this every week, but Our Girl Althea's simple film noir number with a cute white shrug made us want to rent Double Indemnity. Irina did a great job on her lacy gown that made us notice how hot a model's ass was. Now that is a miracle.

To inspect some other little miracles and watch Ra'Mon's slide into Skeezstak shame, to the videos.....

Give Me, Give Me Back My Man
Context: Carol Hannah and her 17 names are trying to steal Logan.
Vision: That we are going down without a fight.
Delusion: Sorry, sweetie, but Logan is a monogamist. He is not going to have a threeway with both Carol and Hannah.
What Would Vice Principal Glassner Say: "I wrote down, 'Don't mess with him.'"
Dramometer: 3

Under the Gunn
Context: Ra'Mon wants to make a crazy lizard jumpsuit, and Tim Gunn lets him know that it's going to be a big fat mess. Or beautiful. Maybe.
Vision: That it will be beautiful.
Delusion: A green leather jumpsuit? Come on. Winning with a jumpsuit on Project Runway is like winning with a deep-fried turd ceviche on Top Chef.
What Would Vice Principal Glassner Say: "I wrote down, 'I don't like green.'"
Dramometer: 4

Meltdown of the Week
Context: Ra'Mon finally figures out that his jumpsuit is a delusional idea and that he only has two hours to make something that won't get him laughed out of this dimension.
Vision: That he can make something great in two hours and repeat his upset victory when he pulled that gored squid outfit out of his ass in the surf challenge. Remember that bitchy judge with the crazy accent who got fired from Elle really liked it. What was her name?
Delusion: That the Skeezstak is any better.
What Would Vice Principal Glassner Say: "I wrote down, 'I'd rather eat a fried turd ceviche.'"
Dramometer: 6

Runway Arrogance
Context: Christopher watches his sexy Van Helsing creation saunter down the runway.
Vision: Merchant/Ivory does Twilight. Brilliant.
Delusion: That he will actually beat Fat Kurt's feathered icicle.
What Would Vice Principal Glassner Say: "I wrote down, 'Almost good enough to win.'"
Dramometer: 3

Back Talk
Context: Louise tries to explain her limp dress. Then she says that she's glad that she's in either the top or the bottom because this is the first feedback she's gotten.
Vision: The '20s by the way of the '40s? Does she realize how retarded she sounds? Also, that something that these sad replacements have to say will actually save her. Well, maybe it does.
Delusion: Oh, Kenley Jr. Feedback isn't going to save you. Maybe having a better vision will.
What Would Vice Principal Glassner Say: "I wrote down, 'Keep poisoning Nina's coffee so I can continue to be on TV.'"
Dramometer: 4

The Cruelty of Life as Chronicled on Models of the Runway

After a few weeks of flailing around like Jason Blair trying to cover up his fake quotes, Runway was back in form last night with a good, creative challenge, some hot paper dolls, and a serious heaping mound of drama thanks to Hot Tranny Meth Johnny. This week, Tim took the designers to the offices of the L.A. Times to meet the paper's fashion critic Booth Moore, a real lady with a name that sounds like it was boosted from a novel. She really served no purpose other than introducing America to her fantastic name. Tim tells all the little chickadees that they have to make a dress using newspaper, and that they can only use one of four sections of the paper. Why only choose one section? Did the show need like 37 extra seconds and having Tim explain this inconsequential complication fill them up?

Anyway, this was just the type of challenge that makes us love Runway and the show benefited from challenging the designers to work with unconventional materials. This week we actually got to see some of the craftsmanship that went into their pulp creations and that is the real reason we tune in. Oh, that and to see colossal fuck ups like Johnny. Not only did both of his dresses suck, but he made up some sort of lie how a iron ruined his first dress by spitting water all over it. Of course no one bought it because they all know better than to trust anything that comes out of a meth addict's mouth. We hate the liar, but loved the lie.

Things We Hated:

• More Missing Judges: Both Ms. Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire magazine were absent, the latter for the second week in a row. Kors seems to have been M.I.A since three episodes before the last finale aired on Bravo. Where the fuck are they? Instead we got stuck with Vice Principal Zoe Glassner and Tommy Hilfiger, who looks like he could have played the Joker in the old Batman television show. Lame. Again, the only saving grace was the "guest" judge. But these days, everyone is a guest judge. We want our bitches back!
• Silent Designers: After giving him back story last week, someone pressed the mute button on Epperson again this week. There was barely a peep from below Kenley Jr.'s bangs, and we are seriously loving her creations. Also in Project Runway time out was Carol Hannah and Uli's (fake) mom Gordana, but she's not very attractive, a crappy designer, and has an accent, so we don't mind it as much when she's not around.
• Irina Vs. Shirin: It's five weeks in and we still can't tell the different between these two. They're both young, attractive brunettes with modest design abilities. Irina is the bitchier of the two, but every time either of them is on screen we have to stop and ask ourselves which is which (and which is the witch). Can't we make them wear name tags or give one a hat or something?
• Paper Dress Slide Show: What was that all about? We don't care about the history of paper fashion! This shit looked like a Power Point presentation that one of the producer's 19 year-old daughters made for a fashion appreciation class. Fill up the hour with the designers bitching about each other, not this.
• Sketches and Designs: We saw all the sketches for what the designers were working on next to their half-completed works. The jury is still out on whether or not we like seeing their vision next to the delusion that they're working on. Since we can't decide, we're deciding that we hate it.
• Army Wives: The promo for this '40s-inspired episode of Lifetime's mind-boggling hit show may be even worse than the long version of the trailer for Georgia O'Keefe Paints Vagina Flowers. Designing Women did it first and better, so unless you can get Julia Sugarbaker on the show, we are not interested.

Things We Loved:

• Bitchy Nicolas: His clothes suck and he looks like a husky-sized Kurt Cobain, but he is the go-to man to talk shit about all the other contestants. We're into that. His war on Johnny, which lasted the entire episode, was a great salvo to save himself. Too bad it may only work for another week or two.
• Eva Longoria-Parker: She was everything a guest judge should be: cute, funny, and insightful. She spoke to what she likes and since she has good taste we were down. She even cracked a joke or two. Maybe Nina didn't show up because she was jealous.
• Shirin's Noises: Now that some of the dead weight has been dropped like a model's skirt at an open casting call, we get some of these silly little interludes about the designers, like last night's where Shirin made some crazy noises and everyone rolled their eyes at each other. We can't wait for the one where Logan spends 20 minutes in front of the mirror shirtless trying to figure out just how sexy he is.
• Tim Gunn Rules: Grandpa Gunn calling out Johnny's lie was awesome. If even the mentor thinks you're a crazy whack-a-doo, you might as well just pack up your belongings and go directly to jail, do not pass the Macy's Accessory Wall, do not collect $200 to use on drugs. Also, if you missed the Tim Gunn comic book you need to check it out.

So, in the end, it was pant-on-fire Johnny who went home, but not after much indignity of being sneered at by the polygraph detectors of Grandpa Gunn; the death panel of an Old Joker, a Vice Principal, and Gabby from Desperate Housewives; and tubby Kurt Cobain. Can't say we're sorry to see you and your $4 Tibetan necklace go home.

What we are sorry about was the uneven judging. Only one of our favorite dresses—the architectural genius from Our Girl Althea—made it to the top three. In our opinion, dreamboat Logan, with his asymettrical color doodle, should have been up there along with Kenley Jr., with her unique minidress that made the model look like she was drowning in a pit of thread spools. Also capable was Carol Hannah's crumpled gown and silent Epperson's kimono-inspired design. But no, it was Shirin Irina and her fake fur collared overcoat that took the day. Yeah, we liked it, but it was a little too literal. Then again, newspapers are about just the facts, ma'am.

For someone who doesn't know anything about facts or design, let's take a look at Johnny's meltdown. To the videos!

Shit Talking
Context: The show starts and Irina and Johnny are already bad-mouthing the other designers.
Vision: That talking badly about others will make you a better designer. For winner Irina, it seems to work.
Delusion: That Johnny knows anything about good design. Not only does he say that eventually winner Irina sucks, but he also claims not to be nervous. Oh, you should be, honey.
What Would Nina Say?: Who cares. Replace her with Anne Slowey.
Dramometer: 6

Under the Gunn
Context: Tim Gunn sees a giant mess before him, and it is standing next to a dress covered in pig's blood and origami. After some harsh words (and some awesome laughter from Fat Kurt) Johnny scraps his dress. He later tells everyone the iron ruined it, but we see the truth, Johnny. We are like god!
Vision: That, yes, he should have spent more time working and less time on crosswords.
Delusion: That he has another decent creation in him.
What Would Nina Say?: Who cares. Replace her with Tina Brown.
Dramometer: 7

Runway Arrogance
Context: Chris watches his dress walk down the runway. We like it.
Vision: A hard bodice and fake paper feathers will wow the judges. He's right.
Delusion: That those really look like any feathers other than the plumage a six year old makes to put on a turkey for a Thanksgiving project in art class. Otherwise, good job.
What Would Nina Say?: Who cares. Replace her with Bonnie Fuller.
Dramometer: 2

Back Talk
Context: In a final effort to save himself, Nicolas lets the judges know that Johnny is lying about making a fierce dress. Who would you believe? Pleasantly Plump Kurt or a Hot Tranny Meth?
Vision: That calling Nicolas a jerk is going to make the judges think he's telling the truth.
Delusion: This whole story is a delusion!
What Would Nina Say?: Who cares. Replace her with Anna Wintour.
Dramometer: 7

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged
Context: Tommy Hilfiger figures out that Johnny is a liar with his story that a water-spurting iron ruined his first dress. He has some wits about him, that Tommy Hilfiger. Heidi tries to second his emotion, but Eva swats her down with a well-placed quip.
Vision: That Tommy Hilfiger does not iron.
Delusion: None. Tommy Hilfiger does not iron. We bet he doesn't even design that much anymore either.
What Would Nina Say?: Who cares. Replace her with a trained monkey with a blond wig and a bad attitude.
Dramometer: 4

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

This week wasn't as bad as last week's abyssmal surfwear challenge, but it wasn't that much better. This year, it was a rehash of the season one challenge where the models get to tell the designers what to wear, yet another way that the black hole of despair called Models of the Runway is pulling our beloved show into it's gravity.

The problem with the challenges this year is that everything is just "here's something to do and a reasonable budget to do it with, now let's go to the fabric store." In the past, the vision of the show was not that people made pretty frocks each week, but that they did it out of garbage or car parts or food or Hershey Kiss wrappers. At home we would sit in awe of their skill and ingenuity. Now we just quip about how much better the show was on Bravo.

Things we hated:

• Missing Judges: This week both Queen Tangerine Michael Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine were absent. This is Kors' third week in a row. Not only have the replacements been subpar, but the judges are part of the reason we watch the show. If they can't make it to all the tapings (and really, how many are there) it's time to find a new judge who can. We're sick of these substitute teachers.
• The Replacement Judges: We have never heard of this Marc Bouwer person, and his red tie on red shirt combo looks like something you'd buy in cellophane from TJ Maxx. Sending Zoe Glassner from Marie Claire instead of Nina Garcia is like when Joe Biden shows up at your funeral. If we can't have our favorite two judges, at least get us Fern Mallis. Or make Tim finally dish the designer dirt.
• That No One Is Horrible: By this point in a season of Runway there is usually at least one person to despise, and the hope of seeing him go home each week makes us tune in. This year, there's no one that awful or untalented to rail against. Yeah, there are a few people we like, but heroes are as easy to create as a pair of draw string pants. Give us the ornate couture structure of a good villain!
• Lady Vitamin Commercials: The worst part about moving to Lifetime is the repetition of commercials for dish soap, tampons, pregnancy tests, and, this week's new terror, Centrum's lady vitamins. What, does taking them make your vagina stronger and sparklier?

Things We Loved:

• Jennifer Rade: Now here is a lady who we would like to see again. A celebrity stylist, she was this week's guest judge, but she was really the third of three guest judges. We could watch a whole hour of Rade's mane berating designers. She's crazy, inappropriate, and just what judging panel needs. If Kors is going to keep ditching the show, they'd better sign Rade.
• Shirtless Logan: 'Nuff said.
• Epperson Talking: Up until last week, we'd never heard the man utter a sound. Now you can't shut him up, and he seems pretty cool.

In the end, it was Spell Check who went home for her way-too-boring but competent basic black number. Our Girl Althea took home her first win for a skirt and jacket combination that looked right off the back of a fashionable city girl. We may have picked ourselves a winner. Irina also impressed with a printed dress with a snazzy jacket and Kenley Jr. continued to be overlooked with a short, intricate black dress with a huge neck that looked like a scarf of seaweed in the coolest way possible. Oh, and Ra'Mon, before you get all high and mighty because you won last week, we just want to remind you that we saw your blue dress with the enormous flower on the shoulder in Sex and the City, and we didn't like it then either. Also, with Spell Check gone and an apostrophe in your name, you are now our object of ridicule. Be warned.

Of course, there were some other monstrosities, but to find out about those, we go to the videos!

Meltdown of the Week
Context: Epperson gets teary when talking to his wife and kids. Um, wife and kids? Male designer? On Runway?
Vision: Trying to make all the ladies who watch Lifetime cry.
Delusion: That they gays are going to stand for this. If we can't have Runway, is there no safe haven?
What Would Nina Say?: "Sorry I can't make it this week, I have food poisoning."
Dramometer: 2

Under the Gunn
Context: Logan listened too closely to what is model wanted, now he's making some wierd '50s inspired contraption that has nothing to do with the '50s. And he has his shirt on.
Vision: That pleasing some skinny 20 year old is going to win him $100,000.
Delusion: That anyone thinks that electric blue is groovy other than on shoelaces and in cocktail glasses. Is this a fruity martini? No. All fruitiness has been banned by Lifetime.
What Would Nina Say?: "Sorry I can't make it this week, the dog ate my Monolos."
Dramometer: 4

Shit Talking
Context: Everyone is talking bad about Althea and Epperson's dresses. Too bad they'll be the judges favorites.
Vision: That if they talk shit about someone else, it will make their clothes look better.
Delusion: Please, if shit talking made people not like things anymore, we would have gotten Glenn Beck fired by now.
What Would Nina Say?: "Sorry I can't make it this week, I have to wash my hair."
Dramometer: 7

Runway Arrogance
Context: Carol Hannah better hope that Ra'Mon doesn't go home, because having too many names is just as bad as having an apostrophe, and she will be our object of ridicule. However, her design this week was pretty awesome.
Vision: Be a little different and a little sassy.
Delusion: None.
What Would Nina Say?: "Not tonight. I have a headache."
Dramometer: 2

Back Talk
Context: Usually it's the designers getting sassy with the judges. This week, it was the other way around, when Jennifer "Curly Sue" Rade tried to mack on our boyfriend Logan.
Vision: Look at him, he's a vision alright!
Delusion: That letting him survive this round is going to get him in the sack. Not unless you and Lady Gaga are both hiding the same thing, Jen.
What Would Nina Say?: "He's gay!"
Dramometer: 8

The Cruelty of Life as Illustrated by Models of the Runway.

Yes, that's right, last night's episode might have been the worst single episode in Project Runway history. Yes, that's right, even worse than season four menswear debacle. Nothing about this episode made sense, from the challenge to the judging to the way teams were picked. It's almost like new team Bunim/Murray Productions is a first year teacher in an inner city school: the new season starts and everyone's fresh and full of ideas, but around three weeks in, they realize they're in an impossible situation and they just start doing anything they can just to make it through the day. Wait until episode nine!

Anyway, because we're now in California, we had to go to the beach. Not a bad idea, but calling in the extras from Blue Crush to give a half ass tutorial on surf wear just wasn't cutting it. And then the big twist! A second look! Oh, we've never seen that trick before. And the look has to be avant-garde. What the fuck does the cutting edge have to do with clothes that are usually found at Pacific Sunwear in the mall. Absolutely nothing. When they did a couture/wearable challenge in season four, at least the two made sense together. Also, the picking of the teams was totally ludicrous. A "team leader" was selected arbitrarily and then each designer picked a mate. Stupid! So you had "leaders" like Mitchell, perhaps the most ill-equipped designer in Runway history as a "leader" for no good reason. It makes no sense. And we just used scare quotes. We hate this fucking challenge.

What We Hate:

• The challenge: See above.
• Ms. Kors MIA: Where is the great orange lady? Does he have some more important work designing dress shirts that are going to end up at Marshalls? Max Azria was a good replacement though, but he could have ratcheted up the bitchy a little.
• Rachel Bilson: Thanks for your whole two line contribution to the episode. And what was she even doing there. She has nothing to do with surfing or fashion and she's not even that famous. Come on, Runway. If you're just going to pick people at random, have Heidi haul Seal in. He's just as qualified.
• Getting Ready Montages: Only one shot of Logan shirtless and his back is to the camera? What a waste.
• Models of the Runway: While we promised to never mention this show again, we realized that it is totally fucking up the way they do challenges. In past seasons, they would have had a team and they would have made one outfit and the model not being used would just cool her heels back stage. Now, we have to make sure that every model gets used every week, hence why every pair had to make two looks rather than focus on one. Now we hate the show even more.

What We Love:

• Heidi's Outfit at Judging: The navy-and-black-striped knit dress was a stunner. So nice to see her pull off some fashion while she's not pregnant for a brief spell.
• The Georgia O'Keefe Movie Commercials: It's so Lifetime.

This week judging got really sticky when the judges learned that Mitchell and Ra'Mon's outfits were pretty much designed and made exclusively by Ra'Mon. Ra'Mon won and Mitchell, in the bottom for the third time in a row, finally got the boot. While we like Ra'Mon's first flowing brown, blue, and teal creation, we were not a fan of the "gored by a squid" ink blot neon thing that was his avant garde look. In our opinion, the three best duos of the night were Althea and Kenley Jr. with a cute beach wrap and a magnificent glittery flapper number, boyfriend Logan and Christopher with a wearable gold-inflected top and pants and a stunningly huge gold-inflected dress, and Carol Hannah and Shirin with a giant sarong and bikini combo and green gem-toned gown. Of course, none of those would be on top.

For more Runway injustice and total suckitude—to the videos!

Tim Gunn in Sandals
Context: The producers force Tim to dress down for the beach. He is not happy.
Vision: Tim Gunn doesn't dress up on his days off.
Delusion: This is Grampa Gunn for fuck's sake. He wears a three-piece suit to take a shower!
What Would Nina Say?: "Oh, Timothy. You're too much!"
Dram-ometer: 3

Meltdown of the Week
Context: Spell Check and Epperson can't get along. They repeat this performance again on the runway for the judges.
Vision: That you can make something worth wearing while cussing out each other.
Delusion: We think the delusion is that the judges believe their outfits sucked because they couldn't communicate. It's cause they're both shitty designers.
What Would Nina Say?: "People, Really!"
Dram-ometer: 9

Under the Gunn
Context: Gramps has a visceral reaction to the jumpsuit that Mitchell and Ra'Mon are planning.
Vision: A literal translation of swimwear couture. Luckily Ra'Mon has the vision to scrap it altogether and create another look and goes on to the win.
Delusion: A skin-tight jumpsuit.
What Would Nina Say?: "Where is she going to wear that? A tea party under the sea?"
Dram-ometer: 7

Runway Arrogance
Context: Our Girl Althea and Kenley Jr. watch their looks march down the runway. They get passed through to next week. We believe they deserve to be in the top.
Vision: Follow the challenge, create two great looks, and you won't get ignored in favor of a reject from Body Glove's 1987 spring collection.
Delusion: The judge's delusion that these pieces were worse than Tranny Meth and Irina's avant-garde design, that looked like a model and 18 yards of panty hose got stuck in a ship's propeller and then washed up on shore.
What Would Nina Say?: Nothing. They merely got passed through.
Dram-ometer: 3

Back Talk
Context: Mitchell's strategy was to pick someone talented and have them carry him along the beach. It's like that Footprints poem, but there is no Jesus. He did absolutely nothing all episode but prance around and crack jokes about as lame as the shorts he trotted out on the runway last week. Finally, he gets called out by the judged and sent home. Maybe there is a Jesus after all!
Vision: That doing nothing will get you somewhere.
Delusion: Telling the truth about being a lazy sack of shit isn't going to make Heidi come after you like PR girls for free champagne at a fashion show after party.
What Would Nina Say?: "I agree with Heidi"
Dram-ometer: 6

The Cruelty of Life as Chronicled on Models of the Runway

And that is what we got last night in an episode that was soaked in more estrogen than a barrage of commercials about tampons, pregnancy tests, and The September Issue. Thanks Lifetime. With a lack of Michael Kors (bronzer accident?) and a female replacement judge and a challenge that focused entirely on the unborn twins bathing in the glory of Rebecca Romijn's amniotic fluid, the boys really stood no chance last night, and many of them managed to fail quite spectacularly. It's not easy to make a cute outfit for a discerning lady who played a tranny on network television, especially if you have a penis. In fact we had all ladies in the top three and three nice (gay) gentlemen on the bottom. Is this how Lifetime works? Are they going to kick queers out of the fashion industry one elliptical-machine tightened ass at a time? After last night, we wouldn't blame them.

What We Hate:

• Mitchell: If this kid spent as much time sewing as he did clowning around the work room, maybe he wouldn't have sent a naked model down the runway last week and made a pair of shorts this week that looked like a fabric sling MacGyver would make out of a used poncho, a pile or rubber bands, and some bacon grease. Mitchell, as every reality show contestant ever will tell you: you are not here to make friends, you are here to win. Start acting like it.
• Spell Check: That is our affectionate name for Qristyl, who can't go to Mood without having a conniption. Last week she had to open a pair of scissors and cut her own fabric. This week she littered a table with buttons. Deep cleansing breaths, girl, it's only a fabric store. And if you piss off everyone who works there, they are not going to help you find that champagne organza that you need to make your delusional vision come true. Then you're fucked.
• Hot Tranny Meth's Model Walk: Did you see Johnny (aka Hot Tranny Meth) trying to teach his model how to walk the runway? You are not tall, black, or fierce enough to be Miss J. Stop trying. Your outfit kinda rocked this week though, so we're being kind.
• Monique Lhuillier: The replacement for Michale Kors was way too nice. That bores us. And Nina, who does not like the competition.

What We Love:

• Louise: For some reason, kooky Kenley Jr. reminds us of folk singer Susanne Vega, and that makes us love her. We take back our hatred from last week.
• Logan Shirtless: The everyone-getting-ready montage was back last night, and we got a few fleeting seconds of our beloved without his top on. It was as wonderful as walking the red carpet and having everyone scream your name repeatedly while being blinded by flashbulbs.
• Stella jokes: At one point Ra'Mon made an allusion to last season's punk-rock leatherista Stella Zotis. Genius. However, we're not sure that this is even legal. Doesn't Bravo own her likeness, creativity, and soul in this media and every media not yet created from now until Andy Cohen takes his final dirt nap? You better be careful. One Christian Siriano impersonation, and your ass will get sued!
• Skinny Models, Big Bellies: We haven't seen anything this absurd and wonderful since dropping acid at Cirque du Soleil.
• Rebecca Romijn's Heidi Impersonation: Her flirty/sassy goodbye while leaving the runway with our stalwart host was spot on, totally hilarious, and shows she gets the caricature that is Ms. Klum. We're totally team Rebecca.

In the end, there were some designers who had vision, like Shirin who won for her flowing maroon number with a wonderful waist above the baby bump (the tabloids should be damned for creating annoying alliterative idiom) and a lined jacket, which, in Runway-land means an automatic win. Also of note was our girl Althea, whose full-length navy gown looked like an awning at first, but later was tailored into something that showed off her craft and mode her model look amazing. And yes, Hot Tranny Meth pulled it out with a mid-length grey dress with contrast edging and a crazy goobledigoo on one shoulder.

But there were more who were delusional. Epperson (who we are convinced is mute, because he has not said one thing in two episodes) should have been called out for being two braid buns away from making a pregnant Princess Leia costume. Irina's dress was cute, but it had this crazy thing over half the waist that not only made the bump look huge, but also like the embylical cord was trying to grow up the mother's side. And, of course, crazy Malvin, whose concept for a mother and egg dress was just fat too extreme for the natural world. It would have done much better if it stayed in his head.

For more on that—to the videos!

Meltdown of the Week
Context: Thanks to Mitchell, Ra'mon realizes that the dress he is making is a piece of shit. He can't handle Mitchell's teasing, which he then tries to cover up with lies about how good it looks. Like Mitchell should be saying anything, because his outfit is even worse. But they laugh. Oh, these two will giggle all the way to the apocalypse.
Vision: That maybe highlighting a pregnant lady's belly with bright purple fabric wasn't the best idea.
Delusion: That maybe the judges won't notice.
What Would Nina Say?: "I noticed that your model's belly is covered in purple fabric."
Dram-ometer: 4

Under the Gunn
Context: Crazy gay installation artist Malvin would much rather make a fabric sculpture than, you know, something that a real human can wear. He comes up with chickens and eggs as a symbol for pregnant ladies. Oh, Malvin. Tim schools him, and he realizes that the only acceptable time for jodhpurs is the fox hunting number in Mame.
Vision: That listening to Tim Gunn can save him. A very wise vision.
Delusion: That his creation was worth saving.
What Would Nina Say?: "The point of clothing is to have something to wear."
Dram-ometer: 3

Runway Arrogance
Context: Despite realizing that he's making a piece of shit, Ra'mon is momentarily blinded by the apostrophe in his name and thinks that he might actually win, because his piece is different.
Vision: Doing something outside the norm will set him apart.
Delusion: Believing the reason that other people's ensembles all look the same isn't because they're doing something right, but because they are boring and that he will triumph for being a visionary. Sorry, Ra'mon. Too much delusion, not enough vision.
What Would Nina Say?: "Just because you are different doesn't make you right."
Dram-ometer: 7

Runway Arrogance Justified
Context: Shirin watches her winning creation march to victory.
Vision: Make a flattering dress, build a jacket and line it. And don't make people hate you while doing it.
Delusion: None here. Gold stars all around for Shirin.
What Would Nina Say?: Nina never gives praise. She just bows her head in acknowledgment.
Dram-ometer: There's is no drama in a home run.

Back Talk
Context: Malvin thinks the judges care about what he has to say as opposed to the clothing he just made. It is a lackluster defense, because he knows he's doomed.
Vision: If he explains, they will get it, and put him on the cover of Elle Marie Claire.
Delusion: See above.
What Would Nina Say?: See for yourself!
Dram-ometer: 3

The Cruelty of Live as Chronicled on Models of the Runway

And now we have sixteen more delusional visionaries who think they were picked merely for their talent and now for how much drama they'll bring to television. As has become the custom, the initial challenge on everyone's favorite fashion throwdown was for each designer to show off his or her unique viewpoint. They each had to make a dress that could be worn on the red carpet. This had something to do with a lame tie-in with the Emmys, possibly in the hope that one day this show will stop The Amazing Race's run of tyranny in the competitive reality category and take home a trophy of its own so that Harvey Weinstein can have one more bauble of validation.

With 16 contestants, it's hard to get to know each of them intimately (this episode seemed to miss our favorite feature of each episode: the barely-clothed, getting ready in the morning montage), but of course we have our snap judgments.

Who we hate:

• Qrystil: It is pronounced "crystal." We hereby dub her "Spell Check." Why do reality show contestants insist on spelling their names like drag queens? And you better watch out Epperson. Mr. One-Name-Like-Cher is our radar.
• Louise: She is Kenley part two. So far, she has managed to keep her cat in the bag. And it's a retro bag she bought at Beacon's Closet. We liked her modernist flapper dress and that makes us hate her even more.
• Nicolas: He says everyone in New York calls him the "feather prince." We live in New York and we do not. We call him a jackass. And if you say that everyone calls you something, they do not, you are trying to make it happen. Your name is Fetch. You will not happen.
• Anyone Who Says "Old Hollywood Glamor": There are two of you out there. You know who you are. And if OHG were so fucking great, it would still be in fashion. Now we just have some horrible simulacrum Rachael Zoe dictates, and she knows OHG like she knows a sandwich. Stop chasing it and find something of your own.
• Joan Cusack: The commercials for your Lifetime movie made us cry for you and put Working Girl in our Netflix cue.

Who we Love :

• Irina: We picked her as a finalist before we met her. We would be friends with her in real life and pick on people's outfits in the mall.
• Malvin: He is full of both vision and delusion, which makes him the perfect Runway contestant. Also, he is going to be a major font of bitchiliciousness for the coming season. Until he get's kicked out. We want him to come in sixth, mostly due to the fact that he stole Sanjaya's hair.
• Mood L.A.: Though it looks glam on TV, the NY fabric store is hard to find, harder to get to, and about as cramped as the doorway to a house party when all the coke runs out. This place is a giant maze of gauzy fabrics and we want to frolic there naked with Logan. We don't love Logan—but we'd bone him.

In the end, there were some designers that had vision: Althea, with her shimmering sheath with a feathered bodice, and Ra'mon-Lawrence, who was spared from the ridiculous name police only because he cooked up a slick, asymmetrical full-length gown that looked like it would have been Amy Adam's second choice to wear to the Oscars.

Of course, there was plenty of delusion: Carol Hannah's overdone monstrosity looked like a golem come to life out of clay to devour E! reporters on the red carpet and Shirin's transformer caplet-into-a-gown doohickey looks like it escaped a craft show just in time to make it onto television.

Christopher won with a short flared gown that reminds us of a pile of crushed VHS tapes that has been sprinkled with fairy dust and brought to life as a ballerina. Ari (a Samantha Ronson look-alike, who got kicked off by Lindsay Lohan, of all people) was kicked off for being the seasonal New-Agey contestant who doesn't sketch and likes to feel what the fabric is telling her before sewing.

For the rest of the story, let us go to the tape!

PS—As for Models of the Runway it is a horrible abomination. In it, a bunch of girls wander around talking about "my designer" like he's some unseen sugar daddy who "lives in Canada" but doesn't really exist. Their fate is completely dependent on the talent and whims of another, and when those talented, privileged few are done sucking them of their youth and beauty for their own gain, they toss the ladies back into obscurity without a second thought. It is exactly like life and therefore awful to behold. We will speak of it no more—but we will continue to bring you clips.

Meltdown of the Week
Context: Johnny is a former meth addict. He wants you to know because that is the first thing he told his fellow designers. Now he says he can't deal with the pressure without drugs. Then he wants to give up. Oh Johnny, we bet you were much more fun high. After a few hugs and encouragement from Grandpa Gunn (we believe he faked the whole thing to get a grope) he goes on to design one of the judge's favorite gowns.
Vision: That a competitive reality television program will give him that warm-on-the-insidiness that he used to get from meth.
Delusion: That his overcoming addiction is the only interesting thing about him.
What Will Nina Say?: "Oh, suck it up, Johnny. My coked up interns do better on deadline!"
Dram-ometer: 9

Making it Work
Context: Mitchell made a dress before measuring his model. When she ends up being bigger than advertised, he claims he didn't have time to redo it. It's the old fat model excuse! He gets his dress finished someone, and doesn't get kicked off.
Vision: A cross between Geena Davis' wedding dress in Beetlejuice and vomit.
Delusion: That they would have liked the original version.
What Will Nina Say?: "If I wanted to see nipples, I would have looked at Lindsay Lohan sitting next to me."
Dram-ometer: 5

Under the Gunn
Context: Every week, Grandpa Gunn comes around and gives everyone advice. Every week they ignore him. Every week the judges say the same things Tim says. He's always right. Don't fight it, Ari. Unless you change your outfit, it's over.
Vision: Making something too avante garde for Tim Gunn.
Delusion: That this man is fallible.
What Will Nina Say?: "How could you let this be seen? Did you not get any guidance?"
Dram-ometer: 0 (it's not drama if it happens all the time)

Runway Arrogance
Context: Spell Check has designed an absolute piece of crap. Watch her think that she actually has a chance of winning as it marches down the runway.
Vision: A bottle of grape soda on an acid trip.
Delusion: That the judges were going to like this.
What Will Nina Say?: Nothing. She will set this dress aflame with her mind.
Dram-ometer: 3

Back Talk
Context: Just watch Nina's face as she asks Ari, "What red carpet is she walking?"
Vision: That if she explains her man-eating silver soccer ball, that someone will get it.
Delusion: No one understands her because she is so forward thinking. She may not be entirely wrong.
What Will Nina Say?: Watch the clip, already.
Dram-ometer: 4

The Cruelty of Life as Chronicled on Models of the Runway

Well, you can expect pretty much the same. Heidi will speak with her telephone operator of doom voice, Tim Gunn will gather the kids around, fashion dominatrix Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Elle Marie Claire magazine will say something bitchy, and Michael Kors will cackle his little cackle and all the children will run and hide.

Of course, they are now in L.A. at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising instead of Parsons and there's a new magazine sponsor (way to get fired, Nina!), but they will still shop at Mood and send the models to that palace of beauty, the L'Oreal Paris Makeup Room. Oh, and let us not forget about the All-Star Challenge before the premiere with all of your favorite returning contestants, and the new show Models of the Runway which follows the runway drones do something other than show off the designs. Just what, we're still not sure.

The only variable is always the contestants, who we'll all probably hate tomorrow, except for the ones we love, and we will hate them by the middle of next week.

Speaking of contestants, the finalists' collections were already shown at Fashion Week last February, so the whole world has already seen them (and you can too). There are only three, which means there is no fourth collection to throw off the dogs about who is in and who is out, or in a cruel twist of fate, there are only two finalists and Lifetime has outsmarted us all. We have a hard time believing that.

So, we peeped the looks and compared them to the designer's portfolio's on the show's site and we think we have sussed out just who we're going to be stuck with until the skinny lady sings.

Collection 1: Lots of knits and black pants and leggings. Zero color. There's a bit of inventive draping, but there are also those stupid little gloves that don't even go to the wrist. It belongs to:

Logan Neitzel, lover of John Galliano. He uses the same shiny fabrics, muted colors and over-sized flourishes. Plus, he looks like the kind of boy who would love those stupid gloves.

Collection 2: Lots of draping without a bow, flounce, belt, or asymetrical doo-dad over one shoulder that it doesn't like. It belongs to:

Viviane Westwood wannabe Althea Harper, who uses just as much embellishment and loves something over only one shoulder. Just look at the picture.

Collection 3: It is black like the tortured heart of a poet. There are lots of pants and shredded things. Oh, and stupid hats. It belongs to:

Irinia Shabayeva, who channels Jean Paul Gaultier. She also loves black, and pants and crazy-shaped pants. Though, she does look too fabulous for those hats.

Of course it's Lifetime's fault. It's the exact same show, other than the fact it's set in L.A. and now on Lifetime. Sure, the show's new network is advertising the design competition's debut in magazines and subway cars and on television, but it's not getting the traction that Bravo's campaigns always did—possibly because the ads only show host Heidi Klum and the show's mentor/mascot Tim Gunn, and not any of the contestants. Even though the finale for season six has already been filmed, it seems like we know nothing about the new batch of designers that will be bitching about bobbins starting Thursday.

Also, Bravo knew how to bring the mania up to a fever pitch. They would advertise a new season relentlessly and show marathons of previous seasons for entire weekends getting the fans back in the mood. Lifetime doesn't have that luxury. Also, we spend a lot of time watching Bravo (hello, various Housewives, Flipping Out, Top Chef, and Andy Cohen) and only tune into Lifetime to catch the odd Golden Girls rerun. Even if they did have spots for the new season, we wouldn't see them.

And just today, the channel that specializes in television for women (and gay men), sent out a press release alerting the world that Runway has a MySpace page. MySpace?! Is it 2005? A show about fashion can not afford to be out of touch. It's all about Facebook and Twitter these days. Oh, speaking of Facebook, Lifetime's version of the show is on there and has 25,413 fans whereas the Bravo seasons have 122,534 fans. Burn.

Lifetime just doesn't seem to have the street cred to carry this thing off. No matter what they do, their Runway will always be a knock off purse compared to Bravo's Louis Vuitton. It may look the same, smell the same, and even have the same logo, but we all know it came from Canal Street and there is nothing you can do to sell it as the real thing.

Or, as a huge fan of the show more succinctly told us when asked if he was excited about the new show: "L.A.? Lifetime? No."

Mad Men
Returns August 16 [AMC]
Yes, that means you only have six days to watch the DVDs of the first two seasons of the show that you've been telling everyone you already watch, even though you don't. You better get hip with Don Draper or else everyone is going to laugh at you.

Top Chef
Returns August 19 [Bravo]
Well, if Bravo can't have a whole show with hot skinny models in crazy dresses, at least they can have Padma Lakshmi when she returns with her cavalcade of chefs who will call each other names and cook up a bunch of shit that would taste better than the mac 'n' cheese from a box you eat while watching.

Project Runway
Returns August 20 [Lifetime]
With the switch in networks, this show is now officially for women (and gay men). The premiere kicks off with an all-star edition and then there is a show about the models directly afterward. After that, probably Golden Girls reruns or some shit.

Melrose Place
Starts September 8 [CW]
Just in time to make us feel old, the '90s are back—and so are Jo, Michael, Jane, and Syndey! Ashlee Simpson is sure to blow this place up. Literally! She'll probably be planting a bomb in the first episode. Oh Melrose, we missed you.

America's Next Top Model
Returns September 9 [CW]
Though Tyra insists on calling it a "cycle" she's back with a whole new batch of bitches. Even if you ignore the rest of the season, tune in for the premiere, just to see what sort of drag queen madness Tyraparades around in. It always looks like the world's biggest budget public access show.

Glee
Starts September 9 [Fox]
You saw the pilot way back in May and there are already new musical numbers. It's like this high-school-musical-theater-nerd dramedy has been here all along. This is either the next Cop Rock or the next My So-Called Life, so catch the early episodes.

Vampire Diaries
Starts September 10 [CW]
Ok, you have have to watch this because vampires are so hot right now and if you don't, 14 year-old girls will mock you. This is the CW show about teenagers who stay up all night because they're undead, not because they're coked up at Butter.

Gossip Girl
Returns September 14 [CW]
You'd think that now that everyone made it to college they'd change. But watch the new promo. Blair gets bitchy, Chuck gets laid, Serena gets naked, Dan gets clueless, Vanessa gets ignored. Some things never change.

The Office
Returns September 17 [NBC]
What's up with Jim and Pam? We gave up. We'd much rather just watch Steve Carell make an ass of himself.

30 Rock
Returns October 15 [NBC]
NBC is so mean! Why is they going to make us wait until October for new episodes? We would boycott if we could survive without Tina Fey and her tiny little glasses. You will not laugh at anything on television until then. Sorry.

Lost
Early 2010 [ABC]
What, they can't set a date? Does everything with this show have to be a fucking mystery?

The channel announced today that the Project Runway All-Star Challenge two-hour special will air on Thursday, August 20, right before the first episode of the sixth season of Bravo's former crown jewel and the first episode of Models of the Runway, their ill-fated attempted to beat Tyra Banks at picking America's next top clothes hanger.

Being devotees of the program, of course we have opinions about the returning cast as Tim Gunn tells them to "gather 'round" once more.

Daniel Vosovic, Season 2: Best known as the chic but unseasoned designer who won nearly every challenge his season. His clothes are as cute as he is. Odds on winning: 2-1

Santino Rice, Season 2: The greasy villian and yard sale impresario was taking interesting risks when he wasn't designing something that looked like maroon goose vomit. Odds on winning: 10-1

Jeffrey Sebelia, Season 3: The only winner to return, this tattoo-necked jerk combined rock 'n' roll and couture. We always thought he combined ug and ly, but the judges liked it. Odds on winning: 3-2

Uli Herzner, Season 3: Her flowing gowns already lost to Sebelia once, but we always thought she never got the respect she deserved. Odds on winning: 10-1

Mychael Knight, Season 3: The fan favorite was a shoo-in to win his season before his ghetto-tastic final collection shit the bed. Now he's got something to prove. Odds on Winning: 15-1

Chris March, Season 4: He got kicked off and came back only to take his human hair dresses to the final. This big boy with a big laugh won't win, but he'll be our favorite. Odds on Winning: 30-1

Sweet P, Season 4: How did she ever make it to the final? Yeah, she was charming and some of her baby doll dresses were cute, but we don't remember a single thing she made, except her frequent tears. Odds on Winning: 40-1

Korto Momolu, Season 5: She was the biggest surprise of her class, and we have a feeling that she has been thinking up some great ideas while she was sitting at home plotting her fashion revenge. Odds on Winning: 5-1

You know, like with different retellings of the same event from different perspectives. Not like Courage Under Fire level Rashomon homage. Like Vantage Point level Rashomon homage. But still, you get our point, right? That it'll be kind of interesting to get the "behind the seams" (ugh) look at how the pretty tall people think (or don't) about things and all that. But watching it directly after PR? Maybe not.

We'll give you an episode, Models. But just one!

Quiet indie actor Will Smith will reteam with his I Am Legend director Francis Lawrence for a movie about this: "a father and daughter living on opposite sides of the ocean whose love is so strong that it causes Manhattan to split off and float across the Atlantic." Which, I'm sorry, sounds so fucking lame I want to scream. [Variety]

New Line, long the house that murderous dream janitors and questing lover trolls built, is now Febrezing out its delicates and pushing the pizza boxes under the sofa and becoming a lady-friendly zone. After the success of He's Just Not That Into Horrible People Who Screech and Worry All The Time, Please for the Love of God Just Be a Person, the studio has been ushering in a new host of girl movies, like What Was I Thinking with Leslie Mann and Elizabeth Banks and Valemtimes Day, a movie about Jennifer Aniston being lonely again. [THR]

Want to watch a romantic comedy starring brothers? Oh, you nasty. No they're not in love with each other! They play friends and stuff. Oh, the brothers are Chris and Danny Masterson, one of whom is from Malcolm in the Yelling and the other from That 70s Shit. The movie is called Made for Each Other. [Variety]

Stalwart theatre guy Terry Kinney (he's the dude what had been Julia Stiles' dad in Save the Last Dance) has landed a plum role on popular sophomore drama The Mentalist. He'll play a cop who seems dumb but really isn't! [THR]

Michael Moore has announced the title of his new movie. It's a study of the economy and how it fell down the stairs that one time, and it'll be called Capitalism: A Love Story. I hope he's paying Isaac Bashevis Singer some royalties or some shizz. [Variety]

The new season of Project Runway will feature guest spots by Lindsay Lohan and Christina Aguilera. So, it's 2003 again! Also, four of the contestants are weirdo foreigners. Plus the season's in LA. And it's on Lifetime. Who, exactly, is going to watch this show in August? [THR]

Warner Brothers has picked up the rights to an Argentinian movie comedy called A Boyfriend for My Wife, about a dude who tries to get his wife to fall for someone else so he can dump her and not feel bad about it. Which sounds cute! It will be less cute when it's in English and stars Vince Vaughn and Katherine Heigl. [Variety]