In a statement, Rosenberg extended an olive branch of sorts. "I congratulate those members newly elected to our board of directors," he said, "and I look forward to working closely with each of them.

"Now it's time to work in tandem on behalf of SAG members throughout the country, to get a fair contract we can all be proud of. A union divided benefits only the employers, and SAG members deserve nothing less than unified, focused leadership," he said.

Indeed — focus on this, bitches, hinted MemFirst spokeswoman and board member Anne-Marie Johnson: The Rosenberg gang still controls Hollywood, 37-18. The victors are having none of it, though; expect newly designated U4S henchman Assaf Cohen to fire back with his brother's withering official response by the end of the day.

• SAG members vote for change [THR]

• SAG Election Results [SAG]

A wail emerges from the cubby — guttural, vile, the kind of base animalistic shriek only heard at a family member's deathbed. 'Fuck these bitches,' screams Britney, each word ringing out between sobs. She's spitting, growling ... 'Fuck you, fuck people, fuck, fuck, fuck.'"

All this in just an excerpt? Forgive us if our schadenfreude is showing, but we're waking up at 7am on Friday, hungover or not, to get our hands on this one.

• THE TRAGEDY OF BRITNEY SPEARS [Rolling Stone]