Aw, all grown up. Little Sam Weir is little man now. Actor John Francis Daley, from Freaks & Geeks, has landed a writing deal with his partner Jonathan Goldstein. They'll pen Cal of the Wild, a comedy skewering outdoorsy reality shows like Survivor. The pair has sold two scripts in the past. Daley is 23. So, sorta grown up. [Variety]

Premiere dates for pretty much all the fall ABC series have been announced. Except for a few, one of which is America's favorite television program. I don't quite... I just don't quite know what we're going to do. If we don't know when it's coming back, won't the nation spin into chaos and discord? I mean, it's Private Practice for God's sake. We need its special brand of late-afternoon sexual snappiness. And we need it soon. [THR]

Oh, but there is a premiere date for the third season of some bullshit show called Mad Men. Who the hell cares about that garbage? In case you're a weirdo and you do, it's August 16th. Pah. Give us our Addison! [Variety]

Hard-boiled creator of The Shield Shawn Ryan has gotten the greenlight from FX on his new series, Terriers. The gritty crime drama will be about two small dogs, a Cairn and a Dandie Dinmont, who solve mysteries. At least I'm pretty sure that's what it's about. [THR]

Young stars on the rise Jesse Eisenberg and Michael Angarano are set to star in the film Ceremony, to be produced, written, and directed by Hollywood scions Jason Reitman and Max Winkler, the son of Henry. Everyone will stand around and talk about Audis, then try to all hit on the extra in the little jean shorts. [THR]

Mainstream weirdo Tim Burton will have a show at the MoMA in Manhattantowne starting in November. The exhibit will feature drawings, paintings, storyboards, various little sculptures, and other oddities. Sounds fun! [Variety]

When you think of films one would call visionary, do you think of a movie like the single-takes Nine Lives or the eerie stillness of something like Silent Light? Well, you're way off. You should be thinking of a movie like Twilight. That's a film of vision. And the Vision Awards in Hollywood will bestow that title upon that film in a ceremony coming very soon. I mean, they're also awarding Shonda Rhimes (give us our Addison!!!), so you know that it's really prestigious. [THR]

Fuuuck, man. This show sounds good. Martin Scorsese's Boardwalk Empire—about the early days of A.C.—has just cast The Wire's Michael Kenneth Williams as Chalky White, the mayor of Chickenbone Beach. Yes. [THR]

Each actor is crazier than the next," whispers a staffer employed behind the scenes at the war-torn program. "And they all pretty much hate each other."

And they're finding it increasingly difficult to hide their mutual disdain from viewers. Per my snitch, the male lead "cannot stand" his love interest, "and it's obvious by their complete lack of chemistry."

The good news is, the nightmare may soon be over for all concerned. Although the show enjoys a rabid cult following and solid critical support, its ratings are such that a third season is looking very unlikely.

Our first thought was Dirty Sexy Money, as things have been a little flat in the bedroom between Billy Baldwin and his transexual love interest lately. But does any critic actually like this show? Then it dawned on us that except for that little "drama" mention, everything described sounds a lot to us like Pushing Daisies—Ned seems more interested in the dog than Chuck, and the ratings-challenged series has indeed enjoyed a "rabid cult following and solid critical support." Our third candidate is Private Practice, which we've never seen, but hey—anything's possible. We leave it to you now to get to the bottom of this.

• Blind Item: War Declared Backstage at Cult Fave [EW]

On the comedy side, president Steve McPherson's vaunted "Greenlight 'em all and let God sort 'em out" development strategy has yielded the aforementioned Cavemen, Carpoolers (guys carpooling to work), Sam I Am (Christina Applegate bonked on the head, loses memory, learns she's a bitch), Miss/Guided (guidance counselor goes back to her high school; edgy forward-slash courtesy of Nip/Tuck), and in midseason, Cashmere Mafia (think Sex and the City meets Sex and the City). Also: Did you hear Cavemen is on the schedule? It totally is!

The full Fall schedule follows [via THR, new shows in CAPS]

MONDAY
8-9:30 p.m.: "Dancing with the Stars"
9:30-10 p.m.: "SAM I AM"
10-11 p.m.: "The Bachelor"

TUESDAY
8-8:30 p.m.: "CAVEMEN"
8:30-9 p.m.: "CARPOOLERS"
9-10 p.m.: "Dancing With the Stars" (results show)
10-11 p.m.: "Boston Legal"

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m.: "PUSHING DAISES"
9-10 p.m.: "PRIVATE PRACTICE"
10-11 p.m.: "DIRTY SEXY MONEY"

THURSDAY
8-9 p.m.: "Ugly Betty"
9-10 p.m.: "Grey's Anatomy"
10-11 p.m.: "BIG SHOTS"

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m.: "Men in Trees"
9-10 p.m.: "WOMEN'S MURDER CLUB"
10-11 p.m.: "20/20"

SATURDAY
8-11 p.m.: "Saturday Night College Football"

SUNDAY
7-8 p.m.: "America's Funniest Home Videos"
8-9 p.m.: "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"
9-10 p.m.: "Desperate Housewives"
10-11 p.m.: "Brothers & Sisters"

• ABC adds seven dramas, enters 'Private Practice' [THR]
• 'Grey's' spinoff leads ABC schedule [CNN.com]
• Previously: George Lopez Vs. Cavemen [Defamer]