Imagine, then, our delight in Sherri Shepherd's extended discussion of the awe-inspiring centerpiece of Whoopi Goldbeg's luxurious powder room, a Toto brand commode featuring technology so advanced that its variable speed water jets are deployed only when the system detects you've finished a chapter in your first-edition copy of Pride & Prejudice. Given the amazing national publicity the company has just received, we imagine each View host will quickly be receiving a fanny-pampering wondershitter of her own, allowing for ongoing, provocative conversations about their differing preferences in oscillating or pulsating personal-cleansing options.

• The View [ABC.com]
• Previously: Hillary Clinton Gunning For Strategically Crucial 'The View' Endorsement [Defamer]