We've got video above where Howard tells the hosts of Morning Joe that the film isn't quite greenlit yet and will need a completed script first— a comment which reminded us that creator Mitchell Hurwitz said he can't write the script until he knows which actors are on board. If only there were some sort of shared (three-season-long) history between Hurwitz and Cera to instill faith in the erstwhile George Michael.

In other news, it's been pointed out that we missed this little tidbit from TCA, which necessitates a Film Tracker update:

Count Portia de Rossi in for an Arrested Development movie: Despite calling her new character in ABC's Better Off Ted her all-time favorite, she'd be up for reprising Lindsay Bluth on the big screen. "I would love to do a movie for Arrested," she said — before adding to the confusion surrounding the project by saying "the cast are all on board." If that gets off the ground, she'd be a busy lady: She also wants to start a vegan shoe line.

And with that, the Film Tracker is complete: each and every actor, director, and trade paper has weighed in, and Cera is the lone holdout (lacking even a powerful excuse like the demands of a hemp-derived shoe company on his time). Come on!

• Ron Howard Defends "Punk" Michael Cera, Talks "Arrested Development" Movie [HuffPo]

His name is Dr. Wayne Dyer, and he's a frequent guest and DeGeneres favorite who's big on "self-actualization." According to Wikipedia, "his 1976 book Your Erroneous Zones has sold over 30 million copies and is one of the best-selling books of all time." With that title? Who knew!

If you're interested and would like to check out his oeuvre the next time you're at Whole Foods, you will enjoy learning that "spiritual energy is the energy of abundance," whatever that means. Also, this fellow, this Dr. Wayne Dyer, is one of those mind-over-matter types who never gets depressed, not even when his wife runs off with another man, breaking up their happy family of eight (!) children (one of whom is named "Saje").

Still, he is apparently a big deal, so it's nice that he gay-married these two famous celebrities. Too bad that "self-actualization" thing can't stop the union from being (maybe) nullified!

• Ellen

• Ellen Urges Californians to Vote No on Prop. 8 [YouTube]

T.R. Knight's internalized, anti-breeder wrath nearly ruins the wedding video, after the jump!

At the other end of the spectrum comes a video greeting card from People.com, where Katherine Heigl opens the well-wishes with a thoroughly exasperated, "Marriage...[defeated exhalation] marriage..." Glad you're loving it, Kath! Then, T.R. Knight swoops in to give what could very well be the most depressing congratulatory wedding message in history. He almost cracks a smile near the beginning, then pauses thoughtfully for an uncomfortably long moment before launching into a diatribe about "the anger, and rage, and rage, and sadness" he feels at the many wrongs inflicted by this country upon, presumably, Caucasian males making seven-figures a year such as himself. Thank God Jason Biggs is around to add a little—you know—happiness to the proceedings. This dude loves marriage! And breeding! He's a marriage-loving, breeding machine!

• CNN "Reports" on Ellen Marriage [chexydecimal via Jossip]
• Ellen's Wedding Singer Gushes Over Ceremony [Poeple]

Still, the lesbian goddess giveth with one hand while she takes away with the other, for no sooner did the two marry than details of a sapphic Hollywood breakup emerged involving the famously "gone gay" Lindsay Lohan.

According to News of the World, Lohan's assignation with Samantha Ronson isn't her first walk on the same-sex side. In fact, they quote an anonymous source that fills the tabloid in on all the steamy details that surrounded Lohan's relationship with Courtenay Semel (daughter of ex-WB topper Terry Semel).

“From the start Lindsay was very confused about her feelings for Courtenay so did more and more drugs to stifle the sexual attraction she was experiencing.

“But eventually she just gave in and at every party they’d kiss and touch each other in the corner. It’s a miracle nobody found out.

“Both of them would do lines of cocaine in the toilets then head home and fall into bed together."

Sadly, those strong romantic underpinnings were eventually undone by Lohan's refusal to go public, though her relationship with Ronson would be considerably more higher-profile. As for Semel, she moved on to Tila Tequila, the bisexual MTV star who was just quoted in the AP's Degeneres article: "I just want to say congratulations, and I am really sorry you didn't invite me to your wedding." Though it may seem like there are hurt feelings in the small world of Hollywood power lesbians, we're sure it's nothing that can't be settled by a day trip to Long Beach and a round of $2 domestic beers at Shotgun.

• Ellen DeGeneres marries lesbian partner Portia de Rossi in sunset LA ceremony [Daily Mail]
• My secret lesbian lust with Lindsay Lohan [News of the World]

boomp3.com

A crestfallen David Spade left Hollywood hot spot Coco de Ville after being mistaken for daytime talk show host Ellen DeGeneres ... again. While waiting for a drink at the bar, Spade was tapped on a shoulder by a woman and was told that the woman just loves her talk show and think it's really great that she's going to marry Portia De Rossi ("You've got to lock that down"). When the Rules Of Engagement star turned around, the woman's face turned bright red and she quickly apologized. After the incident, Spade held a mini conference with his amigos about creating a new look; Spade said, "It was okay when I used to get mistaken for a Hanson Brother or Owen Wilson or a Boz Scaggs roadie, but this Ellen comparison is happening too often."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Snyder was caught when authorities audited who was accessing personal and tax information stored on a federal database called the Integrated Data Retrieval Systems, according to the affidavit.

Authorities said Snyder had access to the database, but works almost exclusively with business accounts and had no legitimate reason to review individual taxpayer accounts. ... Snyder, 56, faces up to a year in prison and a $250,000 fine at this time if found guilty of improperly accessing IRS data, a misdemeanor.

Come on, now — if learning the closely guarded truth about how much Vanna makes to laugh at Pat Sajak's jokes and stroke huge letters for a few hours a week doesn't constitute a "legitimate reason" to bump around a tax database, we don't know what does.

[Photo Credit: AFP]

• Did IRS worker snoop? [Cincinnati Enquirer via TaxProf]

The crowd—which including a wet-eyed de Rossi—instantly lept to their feet and cheered. After a rough year enduring the angry taunts of picketing writers, it's nice to see some harmony and happiness return to the Ellen set, with the only thing whipped at her face as she exits the building being handfuls of rice and blown kisses. All that's left at this point is to hammer out the event details—what is surely to be the most spectacular celebrity wedding of the year, with virtually no expense spared on the brides' custom-tailored tuxshedos and giant, Iggy-shaped ice sculptures.

• Yep, I'm Getting Married [TMZ]
• The Ellen DeGeneres Show

Elton John 16th Annual AIDS Foundation Oscar Party:

Elton John coddled Best Actress winner Marion Cotillard, while model Petra Nemcova and Sean Penn canoodled all night as the newest couple in Hollywood making their big debut on Oscar night.

Harrison Ford (victim of perhaps Jon Stewart's worst joke of the evening) arrived with the (finally) well-dressed Calista Flockhart; Courtney Love managed to clean up her act; Seal turned the cameras on the cameramen.

Kate Beckinsale proved having kids does not a schlumpy mom make; Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres continued their Lesbians Are Cool, Just Deal With It Tour; Jeremy Piven took a break from his yoga pursuits to swing by The Rocket Man's shindig.

Other guests included:
Simon Cowell, Sharon Stone, Diddy, Minnie Driver, Heidi Klum, JC Chasez, Chace Crawford, Len Wiseman, Al Roker, Billy Joel, Chris Noth, Chris O'Donnell, Christian Slater, Faye Dunaway, Tara Reid and Zoe Saldana.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images and Wire Image]

• Iggy And The Stooges [The Smoking Gun]

According to multiple sources, [Ellen's] really in pain because her three-year romance with actress Portia de Rossi is all but over.

"Ellen would never have broken down like that on TV if things were right in her home life," one source tells Star.

Portia has been telling Ellen she's very unhappy at home," says a second source...."When it comes down to it, she wants to be with someone younger ad hotter. She wants out, but Ellen has been begging her to stay. Portia is really everything in this world to her."

Domestic issues could explain a lot about the awkward energy hanging over the new season of DeGeneres's talk show—something we've noticed before in her forced relationship with DJ Stryker, who nervously winces at her every question, as if the wrong answer might result in a newly rescued lap-rodent suddenly being whipped with great force at his head. Here's hoping Portia and Ellen work through whatever rocky patches they may have encountered, before all the she-said/she-said/Iggy-said splitzville shit really starts to hit the fan.

• Ellen and Portia Headed To Splitsville? [queerty.com]