Is it possible that Hef is losing his mojo? That women find his wrinkly skin and thinning hair unattractive? That they enjoy the company of a man who doesn’t always feel the need to wear a smoking jacket? Surely these girls aren’t just pretending to like Hef as a publicity stunt while they build up their careers with reality shows and magazine appearances. That would be unconscionable.

It’s a sad day in Holmby Hills when a man can’t find true love and happiness with three blond women less than half his age. But does that mean its time for Hef to stop having sex and start drinking prune juice and watching Matlock? Nah. There’s probably an 18-year-old fresh off the bus from Iowa swimming in the Grotto right now. And as long as Hef has Viagra coursing through his veins, he will make her his new girl next door.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• HUGH HEFNER'S CRUMBLING HAREM [NY Post]

Even though she appears to be wearing a diaper, Courtney Love is so cool whilst performing that she pulls it off. To quoth the bard Sandler: If peeing your pants is cool, Courtney's Miles Davis!
Joey McIntyre of NKOTB continues to be a font of cuteness in a world gone mad. Does he have some Dorian Grayish deal with the devil?
The infamous Playboy Mansion Grotto! It looks relatively tame here, but those rocks have seen things that are illegal in at least 40 states.
It's not a party without the star of a network tv sitcom present! Here's Chuck's Zachary Levi with an unidentified party-goer.

• The Lance Bass DVD Collection [DVD NewsRoom]

Another Halloween, another excuse to snag myself on the barbed-wire B-list bonanza that is Hef's annual Mansion spookfest. I befriended an ex-playmate on the shuttle-ride over, who became my evening's gossip guide. Among the more interesting morsels: the haunted house, mounted every year on the tennis courts, was toned down considerably this time around after Paris Hilton threatened to sue when one of the hired ghouls supposedly 'groped' her in the ghoul room. Didn't scare her off, however, cause she, Nicky, Stavros et al. were there in full force. She was in a bunny costume (the creativity!) and a gigantic blonde wig. After a quick huddle, they broke with a renewed, almost supplemented amount of vigor, and attacked the dance floor.

Also spotted: Alan Thicke, leering lasciviously at every piece of ass to cross his field of vision while his new bride (and longtime girlfriend) Tanya Callou hit the dancefloor for some bunny-hunting. (My playmate pal told me he likes to keeps things fresh.) Appropriately enough for Halloween, the very embodiment of evil Jonathan Baker from The Amazing Race was sliming up the game house, dressed as "Playboy Man" (loser). He was loudly listing his Ferrari specs and saying wife/abuse-receiver Victoria Fuller was somewhere in the main house. Hard to believe, but he's even more hateful in person.

Ari Gold, I mean, Jeremy Piven (no discernible costume), was there, looking shorter than I imagined and with a permanently stunned look on his face, but behaving himself. Bill Maher (in Heffish blazer, which is hardly a costume) had a chick on each arm, and a shit-eating grin. A diminutive Frankie Muniz (looking 12 but actually almost 20), started out alone but ended up with a trashy looking blonde woman all over him. Could have been his mom. Matthew Perry showed up a little late, looking chunky and all unfocused, glassy-eyed smiles. Matt Dillon was there too! Dude looks pretty damn good, considering he's in his 40s.

Best costume of the night? The dude in his 70s with an IV on wheels, in a hospital gown, red scabs all over his face. I'm assuming it was a costume, and not one of Hef's pals who just couldn't pull together an outfit in time.

See ya next year!

• Previously: Defamer Party Report: A C-List Evening At Hef’s Place [Defamer]

I got a call from a pal to volunteer last Saturday night at the Playboy Mansion(TM) for a charity event, and saw several celeb-ishes up close and personal. I know this is long; sorry—like I say I'm new in town and shit like the Playboy Mansion still turns me on.
Big name first: Eva Longoria, sitting in the VIP section of the food tent with some NBA players, stroking a couple of adorable puppies that were going up for auction (actual canines, not whatever you were thinking I might mean). Sorry, not a sports fan so I don't know the guys, but they were indeed hott(!). Eva was wearing a white halter dress with coral polka dots, and had so much of the tinycute going on that she was making Hef's adorable Capuchin monkeys jealous. Spotted her kissing on one of the NBAers; they disappeared shortly after but were not in the Grotto to my recollection (spotty at best).

Then there was Robin Leach, a bigger celeb than ever (in the physical sense anyway, god love him), smoking a cigar in the game room and chatting with a half dozen Playmates. Pink shirt, black pants hiked up to his tits. He asked a woman there, a lawyer, was she a "good lawyer," and tapped his heart. They then had a semi-heated discussion about Native American healthcare. The subject turned to books, and when pressed to name a favorite author, he said he had so many favorites he couldn't name any, but finally coughed up Ken Follett. I don't know the author (I can't read), but I asked him to name a title or two and he claimed that the guy had written so many, he couldn't remember any titles. He's got people to remember that stuff for him, I guess. He was offered a tour of the Mansion, but assured us he had "toured the mansion on many occasions." I kept trying to think of something to say to the dude...drew a total blank. Probably for the best. Though he was looking at me like he couldn't think of shit to say, either.
Finally, we have Rocco DiSpirito, that chef from "The Restaurant," hanging also in the game room, dressed in a self-consciously mismatched patterned shirt/tie/jacket and black jeans. Ginormous 3D sculpted belt buckle: eagle in flight, totally comin-at-ya-talon style. We were checking each other out in the earlier part of the evening...I didn't know who he was (still kinda don't). He seemed nonplussed when a well-manicured male guest stepped between us at the bar and "bought" me a free drink. When we were introduced later, he claimed we had already met...I guess ogling passes for an introduction where he comes from. He showed me how to play a very violent Japanese video game which I wish I could play right this minute, and was called away on celeb-chef business. I guess someone told him I wasn't "with the Mansion," because he very pointedly blew me off two hours later in the aforementioned VIP section and headed for a table full of Playmates/Bunnies. Well, if I were a kinda famous chef guy, or any kinda guy at ALL, and I were visiting the Mansion, I'd surely try the signature dish by going for the Hef-Approved beauties (truly, those gals are really too sweet in every way—a couple Bunnies even mentioned they liked my earrings). Fortunately, my evening was saved by a rich-but-(thankfully)-not-famous financier who proposed marriage immediately upon my entering the Grotto.
By the by, Hef never made an appearance, but one of the Playmates said it WAS classic movie night, so, I guess he stayed in (also, date nights are Monday and Wednesday). I did find evidence via a notepad in a drawer (I was looking for a piece of paper, okay?) that he kicked some major ass on his "Space Invaders" pinball game back in 1980—like, 20-plus peoples' asses over the course of that year. I don't know why, but that seemed like one of the awesomest things I saw, in a night full of awesome. Without a doubt, that Hef could give both Eva and the monkeys a serious run for their cute-as-hell money.

Confidential to Hef, I love you, thanks for a great evening, and please don't let my idle gossip prevent a future invitation.

We'll forward the bunny ears directly to our operative when they arrive.