OK!
"Yes! We're In Love"
Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are so on! Swift is hosting SNL November 7, and Lautner may appear! And Lautner may take Swift as his date to the New Moon premiere! Also: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had a "couple's self-therapy session" when they met up at his hotel in Beverly Hills and talked through their problems. Moving on: Kate Hudson and A-Rod may get hitched. A Source says: "He wants to think of a creative and cute way to pop the question." Kate loves to joke, "I don't look like a Rodriguez, so you'll have to take my name." Khloe Kardashian says: "We definitely want a big family. Lamar keeps asking me when I want to start!" Margaret says: You've only known each other for two months, so you have time. Lastly: The kids from Glee get the tabloid treatment when the mag asks, "More than just friends?" When you read the article, you find the answer: No.
Grade: F (fetid quagmire)

Life & Style
"I Love Being Pregnant"
Where are the covers which read "I Hate Being Pregnant!" or "I Feel Fat & Gross"?? Anyway: Kourtney Kardashian is "excited to be a mom" but also "nervous." YAWN. Moving on: Britney Spears wants to marry Jason Trawick! She says the sex is great! But an insider says: "Jason truly cares about Britney. Nobody doubts that. But in terms of real chemistry, it's not really there. It's more like they're best friends with benefits." Next: We don't even know what to say about "Taylor's Last Shirtless Photo Shoot," (see image 7) and we might go to jail for looking at it, so let's move on. The story titled "Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson: Love At 30,000 Feet" is, unfortunately, not about joining the mile high club. Instead we learn that the two secured the entire first class section of an Alaska Airlines flight for themselves — and sat next to each other. Brad and Angie found time for a "date night." The caption on a picture of them in a car reads: "The Look Of Love: As Brad drove his new Camaro, 'Angelina looked at him with an expression of admiration,' says a witness." Lastly: Fergie and Josh Duhamel are having a marriage crisis. A friend says he's gotten into trouble with Fergie over his flirting before — and usually he "crawls back to her and begs for forgiveness." Now the allegations are that he hooked up with a stripper and a source says: "Fergie's in denial. She's going on like it's business as usual."
Grade: D- (murky bog)

Us
"Fergie Betrayed"
Don't you just love how the cover shows Ferg looking innocent and her man with a wandering eye? Stripper Nicole Forrester was allegedly offered $20,000 for her story about having sex with Josh Duhamel — but has yet to collect. She did pass a lie detector test and is in "possession of racy texts." She says a seemingly inebriated Josh "wanted to party" so they watched porn, then hooked up. They fell asleep together and he kept waking her up to have more sex. Josh's rep denies everything. Next: Rihanna says, "I am stronger, wiser and more aware" now. And: "You don't realize how much your decisions affect people you don't even know — like fans." Jennifer Aniston had a tipsy night out at some wedding — she was "the life and soul" of the party and danced to "Paparazzi." Jude Law and Sienna Miller are hooking up — a source says "They're fooling around again, but I'm not sure if they're dating." Kate Hudson and A-Rod "love having sex." People will call her and she'll say "we're having nap time," which is what they call their sex time. Brad and Angie attended a party thrown by Times columnist Nicholas Kristof. He says: "I emailed Angie last minute — and they came." No limos for these kids — Brad drove himself and Angie there in a Chevy Camaro. Lastly: The Lindsay Lohan spread called "What's Wrong With Her Face" just made us sad (see image 8).
Grade: D (mucky swamp)

In Touch
"The Fight For Suri"
Tom wants Suri to be homeschooled, as is common in Scientology, and Katie wants her to go to Catholic school when she turns 5. Kate has become disenchanted with Scientology, and she doesn't like that Tom's other kids, Connor and Isabella — who were homeschooled — have very few friends, and the friends they do have are Scientologists. Katie is also freaked out by Scientology's reluctance to give kids medicine and assigning kids chores at a young age. Plus, she doesn't like that Suri's Scientology nanny has been giving Suri a drink called Calmag, which is made with calcium, magnesium, vinegar and hot water, and "relaxes children." The mag calls Suri "an adult at age 3" because she uses the dictionary — her nanny encourages her to look up words she doesn't know when reading; she doesn't play with kids and has no friends her own age. Moving on: "No Longer Embarrassed By Their Boobs" is four pages about women who have changed their breasts: Megan Fox got implants; Queen Latifah got a reduction; Drew Barrymore got a reduction and Christina Aguilera got implants because she was insecure. Next: Angelina found out that Brad's been texting Jen by going through his cell phone while he was asleep. He didn't deny it and admitted to Angie that he misses his ex-wife; Angie spent the rest of the day in tears. But! "That night, she made a point of appearing with Brad in public." And! Brad doesn't care how upset Angelina is — he's going to continue texting his ex-wife. In Fergie/Josh news, one source says Josh is so in love with Fergie and none of the cheating rumors are true. Fergie is apparently "sobbing" behind the scenes. Michael Lohan is now bad-mouthing Jon Gosselin, saying: "Jon has become secretive and distant. He has become a different person than I thought he was." By which you mean he wants nothing to do with you?!?! Janet Jackson has reunited with Jermaine Dupri and is planning to marry him. Janet is planning to eventually raise Michael Jackson's kids and thinks it would be good for them to have a father figure. She'd like to get married early next year — "the family needs something to smile about," a source says. Tony Romo is dating Candace Crawford — Chase's sister — and Jessica Simpson is "heartbroken" because Tony has invited Candace to live with him. Jess totally wanted to live with Tony when they were together, but he said No. Lastly, "Who Wore It Better" pits celebrity children against each other, regardless of age: That's why Lourdes has to battle Suri. (See image 9)
Grade: D (gassy marsh)

Star
"Angie & Brad's Dark Secrets Exposed!"
Ian Halperin, who's done unauthorized books on Kurt Cobain and Michael Jackson, is writing a new salacious tell-all, called Brangelina Exposed. He claims that Angelina throws things at Brad. She makes comments about Jennifer Aniston all the time, like, "You'd be just as miserable with Jen" — and Brad shoots back, "Jen would never act like you." Brad is depressed and deals with by smoking pot and drinking almost every night. Brad is also "slipping in and out of his home" through neighbor's yards to meet "a waiting Town Car that spirits him away from his family drama." Oh, and Brad is "drinking away his looks." (See image 10.) Meanwhile, Angie is in an ongoing lesbian relationship with Jenny Shimuzu. Jenny started calling after Angie's mom died and "there's always bee an animal attraction between them." Angelina has another lady on the side near their chateau in France; she's an artist around Angie's age and they see each other whenever Angie is in town. Finally, they have a "whole crate" of intimate pictures and video that Brad took during the early days of their relationship. Scandalous! Moving on: Jessica Szohr brought her boyfriend Ed Westwick to a friend's wedding in Milwaukee and after a couple of drinks, she made Ed do a special dance for the bride. It involved Ed shirtless. (See image 11.) If you want a Lady Gaga My Little Pony, it'll cost you $589 and up! (See image 12.) Blind item! "Which hunky actor is a real stinker? His girlfriend has refused his kisses because of his seriously bad breath. Maybe that's the reason they're constantly on and off." (How about: All of them.) Chris Martin was seen making out with Kate Bosworth in the VIP section of U2's Las Vegas show. Other stars in the VIP section at the time include Bill Clinton, Jessica Alba and Sean Penn. Later Bosworth was telling people about being good friends with Gwyneth, maybe to justify her actions? Supposedly Chris has had a crush on her since he saw Blue Crush. Levi Johnston is going to sue Sarah Palin because she's preventing him from seeing his son. Next: Is Nicole Richie wearing a wedding band? Did Adam Lambert dump his boyfriend for another guy? Also inside: Britney Spears is planning a spring wedding to Jason Trawick. Their relationship is the result of a devious plan by Brit's parents, Jamie and Lynn: They stared trying to hook Britney and Jason up in 2007 — but Jason was fat then, and didn't have the dangerous side that Britney likes. The parents decided that Jason needed to get hotter — and fast! They were so crafty that Britney believed the makeover was her idea: She had her hairstylist dye his hair and give him a better goatee; and they've been working out together everyday. Peep Jason's new look — and his old look, which is K-Fed-esque (See image 13). Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are falling apart. They were arguing in the car before a GQ event; Demi was upset that Ashton was pounding beer. She said it was immature to drink so much before the party. Plus, she's "always uncomfortable" when he's around pretty young women, and she doesn't want him going out without her — for fears that some young starlet will snap him up. Do you get it yet? SHE IS OLD. Lastly: Michael Bublé's ex is warning his current girlfriend that he's "a cheater and a rat." The ex says that he was sleeping with her during his 3-year relationship with Emily Blunt.
Grade: D+ (dense wetland)

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We hack the pages of In Touch, Star, Ok!, Us and Life& Style, in the gallery below.

Ok!
"Engaged!"
This story is ridiculous, because the "proposal" being referred to "on set" is the one happening as part of the plot of Eclipse when Edward asks Bella to marry him. But! The magazine prints the sentence: "Life might just imitate art." Kristen Stewart apparently jokes around with Robert Pattinson on set, saying things like, "Has anyone seen my husband?" Next: Halle Berry is obviously pregnant because she went to Nobu with boyfriend Gabriel Aubry, held her bag in front of her stomach, wouldn't eat any raw fish and refused to drink the complimentary wine sent to the table. Lastly: Rihanna still has feelings for Chris Brown, according to a friend. "She gets missing Chris and the shit starts all over. A kiss and a slap, a kiss and a slap. Right now she's feeling strong, but she's switched gears in the past and taken him back."
Grade: F (hard drive corrupted)

Life & Style
"Inside Shiloh's World"
Angelina Jolie took Shiloh to Corsica for the day and they split a panini. Shiloh's taste buds are becoming more sophisticated, blah blah blah. She told her parents, "I want to do what mommy and daddy do for a living," so expect her to be taking over Hollywood any day now. Moving along: The Spears family had a reunion when Britney flew her mom, sister and the baby to Miami to spend time with her, her dad and her kids. Michael Lohan says he now accepts Lindsay and Sam's relationship and apologizes for anything bad he might have said about Sam in the past. Next, a source says Michael Jackson told his doctors that he couldn't have children because he'd been kicked in the groin during his youth. Was it Joe? Lastly, Holly Madison says, "Plastic surgery changed my life." She had a nose job and breast implants and says surgery "made it easier to get things I wanted in my career. Without it I wouldn't be where I am today. Living with Hef brought down my self-esteem a lot. I was comparing myself to the other girls. Hef always said he didn't want me to get anything done." If you're interested in her old nose, you're in luck (Image 6).
Grade: D- (Gmail down)

Us
"Their Exes Speak Out"
Lots of pictures of LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian frolicking on the beach in Mexico together! The two went on a four-day trip to celebrate LeAnn's 27th birthday. Sources claim that Dean Sheremet and Brandi Glanville — the respective spouses — are becoming friends. Now, there's nothing in here about Dean being gay, but he "broke his silence" and talked to Us at an August 29th performance of Wicked on Broadway. Dean and LeAnn "talk every day" says a friend. "He's trying to date, but it's hard, because she's so controlling. She was like the man of the house." Moving on: Is Britney "smarter in glasses"? 83% say No (Image 7). Despite his ongoing flirtation with Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler is "pretty much dating every girl in New York City," says a source. Lastly: Us calls out Demi Moore for claiming never to have had plastic surgery. Maybe she doesn't consider Botox or facial fillers to be "surgery," but what about the implants (Image 8)?
Grade: D- (AIM worm)

Star
"Loveless Marriage"
Apparently when Tori and Dean first met, they were working on a TV movie together, and Dean thought Tori "looked like a horse" and joked that she'd need a paper bag over her head for him to kiss her. But he planned on making friends with her because she'd be a good contact. So the gist of this is that he only married her for money and fame and doesn't care about her. Yawn. Moving on: Stephanie Pratt's new lips "look natural" according to Dr. Paul Jarrod Frank, who does not treat her (Image 9). Britney Spears has been begging Jason Trawick to come back, texting and emailing constantly, and asking, "Don't you miss me?" Blind item! "Which hunky actor and his equally hot actress wife were recently seen snorting lines of cocaine at the Chateau Marmont? When spotted, they took the party back to their room." Renée Zellweger and Bradley Cooper are "playing house." They're both off promoting things now, but when she gets back to LA she's going to live with him at his place; he's set up a bathroom she can call her own! He may pop the question by the end of the year. Pregnant Nicole Richie "almost collapsed with grief" when she heard about DJ AM, says an insider. Now Joel Madden and her parents are worried because she's not really eating; a doctor has put her on bed rest. Lastly: A story claims that Ashlee Simpson "kicked Pete Wentz out" because she discovered evidence of him cheating on her, but never says what the evidence was, and also claims that she left the house in a fury and checked into a hotel. So how is that kicking him out? Oh, she did call him and say, "Don't bother coming home." Anyway, she is now on the Pete Diet; he gets her so upset, she can't eat.
Grade: D- (iPhone frozen)

In Touch
"Separated!"
A house divided! Angelina and Brad are "not only sleeping in separate beds, they are sleeping on opposite ends of the property." According to a "friend." Brad used to be "happy, gregarious and social," but Angelina "picks holes in his personality" and "belittles him on every subject possible from his parenting to his lack of knowledge about current affairs." An insider says Brad is really shy now and uses booze as a crutch to socialize now. He drinks to escape his inner turmoil! Plus, Brad purchased Chateau Miraval's winery, and the mag asks: "Is it really A good idea for Brad to buy a vineyard?" Because Brad and Angie feel "guilty" about their "crumbling relationship," they're spoiling the kids: They have theme days! Everyone dresses up as characters from movies or books, like James Bond or Harry Potter. "They had a Wizard Day, with magic potion punch to drink, and they had to solve clues to go to wizard college," spills a source. Next: Ever since Jason Trawick broke up with Britney Spears, her dad Jamie Spears has been trying to keep her busy so she doesn't go crazy again. Apparently Jason made Britney feel "beautiful and sane." Jermaine Dupri has been seen with other women since breaking up with Janet Jackson, and now her "baby dreams are shattered." A doctor had encouraged her to freeze her eggs, but this story doesn't say whether she did or not. But, the mag helpfully points out, "at least she has Michael's kids." A friend of Madonna's says she's casually dating Jesus but still considers Sean Penn her soul mate and it's "highly possible" that she and Sean will get back together now that he's getting divorced, even though Sean and Madonna got married TWENTY FIVE YEARS AGO. Lastly: "Was Lindsay Really Robbed?" Looking closely at the surveillance video images of the alleged burglar, it seems like maybe Lindsay Lohan robbed herself (Image 10). Was it so she wouldn't have to give the jewelry back? Was it so she could break her lease? Michael Lohan says it was an inside job and that the person "tried to make themselves look like Lindsay." But did Lindsay try to look like a burglar looking like Lindsay? Because that would be meta. Anyway: Lindsay has also maybe been cutting herself again (Image 11), which the mag calls a cry for help.
Grade: D (Facebook firewall)

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Click "full size" to enlarge.

OK!
The cover story in this issue is about Ashley Tisdale having brown hair. And! She says: "I've been very skinny my whole life. I don't really like this look… I look at Jessica Alba and I think she's got a great body. I think that's what women are supposed to look like." She's been Piloxing, which is Pilates boxing, so maybe that will help.
Grade: F (exploded can of Cheez Whiz)







Life & Style
"Torn Between Two Women." This story is all in the pictures: the first spread is images of one night in Cannes — Robert Pattinson is seen sitting next to a pretty blonde, Erika Dutra; the next page is a series of pictures of Rob and New Moon costar Kristen Stewart, and Rob looks stressed out. The caption reads, "Did Robert tell Kristen about his wild night?" Maybe! Since they're just friends, after all! The story titled "Brad And Angelina's Big Fight" is illustrated by a photograph of the couple about to kiss. The mag claims she is "pulling away." In this mag, a picture of people making out would be captioned, "They're at each others' throats!" Hey, you know that chick from America's Next Top Model, CariDee English? She details what she consumes for a column called "What I Really Eat." (Fig. 1) We added everything up and she's only getting 767 calories a day. Not right.
Grade:D- (Kraft single with crunchy, cracked edges)




Us
"Inside's Jon Prison." This is a smattering of tales about how awful Kate from Jon & Kate Plus 8 is and how rough Jon has it. A former boss of Jon's says that Kate used to only give him $5 a day to spend, and if he was out and needed more money, she would "give him hell." A company donated a used van to the family before the sextuplets were born, but Kate turned it down because it wasn't new. A friend of Jon's dad gave them a different van, and Kate never thanked him, AND she traded it in because she didn't like the color. After Jon's father passed away from cancer in 2005, Jon wanted to hang out with his brothers after the funeral, and Kate wouldn't allow it: She told him he couldn't leave her alone with the kids. Jessica Simpson is pitching a reality show about society's scrutiny of women's bodies. Wait, we'd watch that! The premise of The Price Of Beauty is this: Jess and a friend set out on a road trip around the world in search of what people find beautiful and why. The bad news? It's gonna have a Fear Factor element to it, as Jess tries some of the "shocking" things women do to make themselves attractive. Um, like foot binding? Oh, you saw this coming: Nadya Suleman, known as the Octomom, is working on a memoir. She's hired a ghostwriter! Next: This will spoil the entire plot of the next three seasons of The Hills, but here it is: When filming in Hollywood, Audrina and Kristin Cavallari got into a fight and had to be pulled apart. Stephanie Pratt and JustinBobby were involved. The new breakdown is Lo, Audrina and Stephanie versus Spencer, Heidi and Kristin. Fun. Lastly, Jonah Hill and Spencer Pratt are feuding — they were high school classmates — but Jonah recently posed in some pix that mocked Speidi. Now Spencer is retaliating with a Funny Or Die video.
Grade: D+ (movie theater nacho sauce)

Star
"Daddy Don't Don't Go!" On May 18, the TLC cameras captured a "scene" which was later cut from the show: Jon was trying to leave the house to go run errands and 8 year old Mady grabbed on to his leg and wouldn't let go. She screamed that she didn't want Jon to leave her and that she didn't want to stay with her mom. Apparently execs at the network saw the footage and were "disturbed." Also: Jon sleeps over the garage when Kate's home, but when Kate's away, he's allowed to be in the house. An insider says Kate has told everyone on the show that she wants Jon to get his own place — apparently producers are "scrambling" to find him a nearby apartment, though the split would not be shown on screen. Angela Krall, their former nanny, tells the mag: "[Kate] is pretty much an absentee parent. And when she is around, she's not very warm and cuddly… the kids would be heartbroken if [Jon] left them, and he would be heartbroken too." Plus, Jon and Kate have been kicked out of their local church because they're making a mockery of marriage. Still, Kate is working on a 7-figure clothing deal, another book, a perfume, a made-for-TV movie and a talk show. Perfume? Eau de Eight Kids? Moving on: Cameron Diaz is dating Adam Levine and it's "too much too soon." A friend says, "It's how she gets with every man. When Cameron likes someone, she smothers him." She even changed her cell phone ring to a Maroon5 song. Yikes. Is Tara Reid headed back to rehab? She was in Promises in December and has been sober for six months, but recently was seen spotted in a nightclub at Cannes, where she kissed several men and passed out at her table and had to be carried out of the club by total strangers. The Black Eyed Peas are feuding: Will.i.am is griping that Fergie is arrogant. Lindsay Lohan was only hired for her new movie, The Other Side, on the condition that she gain weight — she has 10 weekly weigh-ins. Oh, and she has to obey curfews and undergo drug and alcohol testing. It's hard out there! Blind item! "Which reality show hottie may have been miscast as a ladies man? Since leaving his show, he's been hooking up on the sly with a male celeb blogger. Be careful mixing business with pleasure!" The blonde with whom Robert Pattinson was photographed in Cannes — Erika Dutra — says, "We had a great time together, Rob's very sweet. He's even better looking in person than he is in photographs." Blah blah blah. Next page: "Rob & Kristen: Love, Italian Style" First sentence: "With one last fling out of his system, Robert Pattinson hopes to finally cement his on and off relationship with Kristen Stewart." Next: In "Knifestyles of the Rich and Famous," Haylie Duff, sister of Hilary, had her nose and chin done (Fig 2). Melissa Gilbert has a book coming out and reveals that she was once engaged to Rob Lowe. But when he went off to make the movie Hotel New Hampshire, he asked his pal John Cusack to look after her while he was away — and when Melissa found out Rob was sleeping with Nastassja Kinski, she hooked up with John Cusack. Don't you love dated gossip? Angelina is three months pregnant, and a picture of her at Cannes qualifies as a "bump alert. " (Fig. 3) Oh, she also has new tattoos — scribbles Brad drew on her body that she had permanently inked on. She has one her shoulder, one on her back, and another on her arm. A source says: "She loves his doodles and loves that she has them on her forever." You've gotta love a story called "Spencer Pratt: King Of Weed." Apparently he started smoking up at 15 and used to toke everyday, always had a big bag and would share with everyone. In 2002 he moved on to pills — Xanax and Valum — but once he got beat up and left on a pool table, he went to rehab. Although he started smoking again. He smokes less now because he doesn't want to mess up his chances of being famous. Lastly: A friend says Rihanna will get her "revenge" on Chris Brown by releasing her own "less than flattering, nude pictures" that will embarrass him. Plus! Apparently he was a "novice" between the sheets and she taught him everything he knows.
Grade: C- (modly Colby)

In Touch
"Now Their Fight Becomes Public!" Well, we predicted this would happen. Even though these are pictures of Brad and Angelina OBVIOUSLY in love, the magazine has captions like, "looking stressed," "angry words" and "they're so stiff." Plus, there are pictures of the couple smiling and drinking at a party and the caption "The Whole Night Was Filled With Tension." (Fig. 4) The mag claims they both got drunk and avoided each other, and yet they're standing next to each other! In the picture captioned, "She's With Another Man" Angelina is Literally sitting next to Brad (his back is to the camera). And the "body language expert" they use is Dr. Lillian Glass, who wrote How To Deprogram Your Valley Girl and the woman who shockingly declared Jon and Kate "sad" merely by looking at them! Anyway: "Brad is most definitely ready to move on," says a confidant. "He is just biding his time." Um, sure. Also: You know how John Mayer and Jen Aniston broke up? Well, "Brad and Angie's Public Peck Looked A Lot Like John And Jen's Goodbye Kiss." (Fig. 5) Moving on: Hayden Panettiere got a tattoo which reads, "vivere senza rimpianti," which means "live without regrets," except it's misspelled; the tattoo artist inked an extra i in the last word. Whoops! Kate Hudson is in a "risky romance" because Yankee Alex Rodriguez "could break her heart." OMG the wimminz is delicate! A "pal" says, "She probably is not the next Mrs. Rodriguez." Yeah, she's definitely crying herself to sleep at night about that. Next: Did Josh Brolin cheat on Diane Lane? There are snaps of Josh — who is filming in New Orleans — with some woman named Melissa Green straddling him. Meanwhile wife Diane was home in Malibu. Josh and Melissa went into a building at 11:35pm and emerged together the next morning at 7:23am — she was wearing the same clothes. Before they did that, they were at a bar, where, a witness says, "Melissa sat in his lap, they were kissing each other on the mouth." Bad! Britney has a "new body" and a "new man." A trainer who does not treat Britney says, "As a fitness professional, I would say that Britney looks great in her new bikini body." Yes, you must be a professional to say things like this. And! Is a bikini body is different from a regular body? Anyway, the "new man" is her "handsome" agent, Jason Trawick, who has a girlfriend but hangs with Brit and the kids often. America's Next Top Model winner Teyona Anderson models "Sumer's Sexiest Dresses" in a hideous spread where the dresses are ugly and she looks extremely uncomfortable (Fig. 6). Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon bought their first home together! It's a $7 million 11,750 sq. ft. abode in Bel-Air; Mariah already has a triplex in Manhattan and a compound in the Bahamas, but this is "the perfect starter home for an A-list couple," according to the mag. "What Happened To Their Boobs" is a frightening look at implants gone wrong (Fig. 7a,b). Lastly, this issue is brought to you by the praying Cheeto, known as "Cheesus." (Fig. 8)
Grade: C+, downgraded to C for lame cover story (cheddar)

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Life & Style
Following her breakup with John Mayer, Jennifer Aniston is prepared to do the unthinkable: Become a single mom. Though the mag is not sure whether she'll conceive naturally, use artificial insemination, or adopt, Aniston obviously has babies on the brain because her new $15 million six-bedroom mansion "has more than enough room for a nursery." Next: Justin Timberlake supposedly ran into Britney's dad Jaime Spears on the golf course and told him he's nervous to ask Jessica Biel to marry him even though she's the one. Jaime told him to "put a ring on her finger," and JT said he's already got one picked out, according to an insider. By the way, Jessica and Justin's new apartment has three bedrooms, which the mag points out is "plenty of room for kids!" Kellan Lutz of Twilight explains Robert Pattinson's "hookup trick": "He lowers his head down and the girls love it!"
Grade: F (Band aid in your burger.)





Ok!
"I Will Never Remarry." The mag writes that Jennifer Aniston has "experienced a stark epiphany: No man can live up to her ex-husband, Brad Pitt." A source says that since "each time she dreams of having a devoted husband, babies, and that white picket fence, she is let down," Jen has resigned herself to a life of love affairs and single motherhood. Also, there's a two page story about how Jen has "found her soulmate" in her dog Norman. Moving on: Jaime Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge are still living together with their baby Maddie, but an insider says JLS has called off their wedding. "Jaime Lynn has everything she wants and feels no need for a ring and a piece of paper," says the source. Also, she likes being a Southern mom and is never going back to Hollywood. Finally, in an interview OK! asks Gavin Rossdale if he and Gwen Stefani are planning to have another baby. "That would seem logical, but then again so would sleep!" says Rossdale, "But, you know the men aren't in control of that stuff."
Grade: D- (Expired hot dogs.)

Us
"He's The One!" This story is pretty much an excuse to print cute pictures of Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal, as there isn't really anything new to report on the engagement front. A Witherspoon insider says, "All of Reese's friends tell her they think he's The One." As for when Jake will pop the question, a pal says, "It's not a matter of if, but when. And when Jake asks, she will definitely say yes." Moving on: An insider says Jennifer Aniston's breakup with John Mayer wasn't mutual. "She would never have paraded him around like that if she didn't think what they had was real. She feels like he played her," says a source. Us has exclusive pictures from Natasha Bedingfield's wedding. Brandy attended the wedding, which was at the same place where Josh Duhamel and Fergie got married (but unlike their wedding, Bedingfield's wasn't fishing themed). Next: Us broke the LeAnn Rimes cheating story last week, and their follow up, "Why She Cheated," just makes it sound even more like a publicity stunt. When LeAnn and her husband Dean Sheremet were "caught" kissing by the paparazzi they were coming out of Whole Foods and had only purchased a banana and a bottle of water. A source says Eddie Cibrian "told his wife that this was a publicity stunt for the Lifetime movie." Finally, Michelle Obama "takes top honors" (if you can call it that) as Us celebrates 2009's best makeovers with 24 pages of filler.
Grade: D (Dieter's delight, a.k.a. cottage cheese on a bed of lettuce.)

In Touch
"The Breakup" Insiders say Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are constantly fighting because she's filming Salt and he's stuck taking care of the kids. "Brad gets tortured by the kids all day. They wrestle him and kick him and constantly harass him," says a source." Supposedly Salt insiders heard her saying during a phone call, "Will you please respect the fact that I am working right now? All you have to do today is watch the kids." Things are so bad Angie has banished Brad to the couch in their four bedroom suite at the Waldorf-Astoria. James Haven is staying with the family in New York and Angie has asked her brother to talk some sense into Brad. The mag dug up pictures of Angie looking uncomfortable with Brad for the requisite "maybe she's more into her brother than her husband" sidebar. (Fig. 1) In Touch asks: Has Tori Spelling taken her diet too far? Spelling's rep says she's the same size she was before giving birth, but the mag thinks her young, super-skinny 90210 co-stars "could be a bad influence." Paris Hilton's new boyfriend Doug Reinhardt says he wants to have a baby with her. "Paris would make a great mom - she's my Angel Princess," says Reinhardt. Nick Lachey and Vanessa innillo had a fight at a L.A. restaurant. Manillo stormed out right after their food was served and Lachey paid the check and had takeout boxes made up before he caught up with her outside. In Touch says plastic surgery has left Daryl Hannah "almost recognizable." Next: The mag is calling out LeAnn Rimes for probably fabricating her affair with co-star Eddie Cibrian. "It's fishy how very obvious she was about this," and insider says. In addition to the TV movie Northern Lights, Rimes has a new song and book coming out next month. "She wants to get back on the A list," says the insider. In an interview, the mag asks Matthew McConaughey if he has any regrets about past relationships now that he's married. He says, "You wouldn't be where you are if you didn't go through all the other things. It's an honor to be at an ex-girlfriend's wedding or to have them over to dinner. There's nothing goofy about that."
Grade: D+ (Week old Red Lobster doggie bag.)

Star
In a continuation of a story Star ran recently about Angelina Jolie catching Brad Pitt comforting their pretty nanny, "Don't Touch Me!" claims Angie's still mad so she's refusing to sleep with Brad. " A source says, "she knows it's torture for Brad, denying him that way. But she wants him to learn a lesson." She refuses to take a daily bath with Brad, which is apparently one of their "sexy traditions" and has banned him out of her bedroom. At least in Star's account, Brad gets his own room at the Waldorf-Astoria, instead of the couch. However, the mag says he's taken to "camping out with the kids in sleeping bags inside little tents in their rooms" at the hotel. Sean Penn and Natalie Portman were spotted making out at a hotel in Hollywood. An eyewitness claims he walked in on them making out behind some curtains on a terrace off the hotel bar. "When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves," he said. The hotel was hosting a party, and the eyewitness says once the room got crowded, Sean and Natalie took an elevator up to the private rooms and didn't come back for 45 minutes. After returning to the party, the two split up. "[Natalie] broke it off when she found out that Sean was still with his wife, Robin Wright Penn," says a source. Sean started flirting with another woman, who said "I don't do that! Your girl's upstairs, and your wife is at home. You're busy." The eyewitness says Sean chuckled and left. Moving on: Guy Ritchie is dating Elle Macpherson. A source says Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson are planning a June wedding. Blind item: "Which sweet starlet's apartment smells less than fresh? Neighbors say funny-smelling smoke surrounds her door on her days off. How's that for a bit of gossip?" In a possibly related story, Leighton Meester has asked everyone on her floor in her apartment building not to smoke because the smell comes under her door and she gets a sore throat if she's exposed. In "Starving For Attention" Star is hating on ladies for being too skinny. They suggest Gwyneth Paltrow eat a "big ol' piece of chocolate cake." (Fig. 2) A doctor who didn't treat Natasha Richardson says she probably could have been saved if she had taken her instructor's advice and let paramedics look at her head immediately. "The typical mortality rate from epidural hematoma is relatively low ... It needs to be taken care of right away," said Dr. John Knightly of the Concussion Center at Overlook Hospital in Summit, N.J. The mags all featured pictures of Richardson's grieving family at her funeral, but frankly, we couldn't handle pouring over pictures of her coffin being carried to her grave. In an exclusive, Star wonders why Jaime Lynn Spears and baby Maddie didn't accompany Casey Aldridge to Roosters Mud Jam, "a dirt-caked ATV event in Dehli, La." He and his friends were drinking heavily and there are photos of a blonde holding on to him as he drives his ATV into a muddy river. The woman, Brandin Walker, 25, is a married mother who says she was just innocently hanging out with Casey, and that her husband was at the event. Finally, in a story entitled "Jennifer is Jaime's Taco Belle" we learn that Jaime Kennedy "adores plumping [Jennifer Love Hewitt] up with yummy, calorie-packed eats!" Watch out JLH - it sound like Jaime is planning on eating you!

Grade: C (Soggy tortillas.)

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Life & Style
"Twilight Romance!" Lots of stuff about how Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart might OMG be having a secret relationship, because they had good chemistry on set and he tried to slip her the tongue in a kissing scene. But! She's had a boyfriend for 2 years, and this is fabricated story. Moving on: Pete Wentz texted a few friends on November 14th to say that Ashlee was in labor, but texted again the next day to say it was a false alarm. The baby's not ready yet! Holly Madison says that leaving Hugh Hefner has changed her look! She is wearing less makeup now that she is with Criss Angel. Who wears eyeliner, right? Whoa: Is this a picture of Barack Obama biting Michelle's ear (Fig. 1)??? Lastly, this week in Dr. Rey's Casebook, the good doctor believes that Heidi Klum, who is a flawless fucking supermodel, would be even sexier if only she had Michelle Williams's lips (Fig. 2) WTF.
Grade: D- (2 hour delay)

In Touch
"Jen, I'm Sorry." Sigh. Brad Pitt still feels bad about leaving Jen for Angelina. Jen is not mad at Brad, she just hates Angelina, "pure and simple." Not because Angie stole Brad, but because she won't shut up about it. A source close to Aniston says, "Just when she is in a good place, it seems as if Angelina has to throw some poison her way." The magazine also walks you through Jen's "Seven Stages Of Grief" over relationship in a helpful sidebar, as well as asking a "body language expert" to analyze her facial expressions from her appearance on Oprah (Fig. 3). Moving on: Valerie Bertinelli lost weight through grilled chicken and exercise, what a breakthrough. Kirstie Alley's gained all her weight back and "Oprah Want To Lose Weight For Obama." And Fergie gained weight for a film and she's up to a whopping 121 pounds, but she plans to lose the 13 lbs. she packed on. There's a story called "The Stress Is Getting To Madonna" with pictures of her arms and a line which reads, "The singer appears to be wasting away. Is she okay?" Next, Nicole Richie is planning her clothing line — her jewelry line, House of Harlow, is already in stores. There's an informative piece called "Drugs Ruin Your Looks," illustrated with two pictures of Amy Winehouse. Oh, and a whole bunch of druggy blind items (Fig. 4)! Since she was "dressed conservatively" on a beach in Mexico, and had her hand on her tummy a lot, and a source says so, Mariah Carey is two months pregnant. Oh, Ellen DeGeneres is hosting a show in Vegas called Ellen's Even Bigger Really Big Show: "I may be topless, which is potentially kind of exciting," she jokes. Lastly, an "At Home With Lance Bass" feature reveals that he has a purple satin bedspread and 'NSync bobbleheads (Fig. 5).
Grade: D (1 hour delay)

Us
"How Angelina Tortures Jen." Eight text-heavy detailed pages about the Aniston vs. Angelina feud. The magazine delves into the original betrayal, and uses metaphors like, "Aniston continues to pick at the scabs of her broken marriage" and "Jolie twists her dangerous knife." In insider says Anison is "as adept as Madonna at pushing the right buttons to stay in the spotlight." Plus, when Angelina was on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, instead of wearing the flesh-colored underwear provided, she was naked in bed with Brad Pitt. Intern Margaret's fave part is when a source says: "Whenever the topic of Valley girls comes up in conversation, Angelina likes to tease Brad by saying, 'Brad, you used to like Valley girls, didn't you?'" Next: A photograph of Sarah Palin reclining by the pool at the Republican Governors Association Conference in Miami last week (Fig 6). Oh, and there are pictures of what Michelle Obama could wear to the inauguration (Fig. 7). Hmm, where have we seen that before? Lastly: There's an exclusive interview with Brandy, who, when she got knocked up in 2002, claimed she had secretly wed the baby's father the year before, which was a total lie.
Grade: C (half hour delay)

Star
"Furious Brad: Shut Up, Jen!" Jen told a friend, "I look forward to the day when I can get Angelina in a room and warn her that Brad is going to leave her, just the way he dumped me." Jen also reveals the reason she wouldn't have Brad's baby: He was cheating on her. The mag goes back to a 2003 Vanity Fair party, where Brad disappeared with a "very sexy party planner" and Courteney Cox had to send David Arquette to go find him. Also, when Jen and Brad were together, he liked to wake and bake — smoking pot all the time. Plus, he was "constantly" getting chemical peels and collagen injections. Wowza. Moving on: Guy Ritchie and Rachel McAdams have been flirting on the set of Sherlock Holmes. Crazytown! Four months after breaking up with Michael Bublé, Emily Blunt is dating John Krasinski! Tina Fey turned down an interview with 60 Minutes because she doesn't want to talk about politics anymore. But! She's still one of Barbara Walters's "10 Most Fascinating People." Dr. Phil can't stand curly hair, and makes the female staff come in with straightened hair. New hires are warned they'll have to flat-iron! Blind item! "Who is taking months to plan her wedding because she doesn't want to pay for it? The glamourous girl is calling in favors and trying to get freebies for her long-overdue big day." Mischa Barton is trying to find her way back into the spotlight with a line of high-end headbands. But! She is furious at Nicole Richie for including hair jewelry in her House of Harlow line. Rihanna and Chris Brown went to a lingerie store and Chris bought her $800 worth of unmentionables. Plus, they've coordinated their concert schedules and call each other "beauty" and "rebel." Which is which? L.A. photo agency X17 claims one of their photographers saw Britney's dad, a recovering alcoholic, down more than 6 large draft beers while sitting alone at a bar. His camp claims he was drinking O'Douls. Also: Jessica Simpson might be pregnant. A story called "The Hills: Running Out Of Lies" claims that MTV is "struggling" to come up with fake Hills storylines. LC and Heidi called a truce, and the producers are upset they missed it — they might recreate it. LC's hometown friend Jill Levin is always around, but the producers won't film her because they don't think she is thin or cute enough. And how will producers portray Audrina's new multi-million dollar mansion on the show without admitting that the way she bought it was with money from The Hills?
Grade: C+ (15 minute delay)

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I HAVE NOT EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY!!!

I am definitely not against it at all, but haven’t yet had it! Personally, lip injections are the thing I would never do—even if I didn’t have full lips.

I think lip injections look very fake and bad and I wouldn’t want to kiss anyone with stuff in their lips—so I wouldn’t do it to myself.

This is a picture of me when I was about 14 years old in a bikini. I hope after seeing this you guys will never ask me a plastic surgery question again! I have had a size C since I was 11 years old! So one day I will definitely get a lift, but I am waiting until after I have kids. Until then I rely on a great supportive bra! LOL!

Somehow, we doubt that Kardashian's scandalous teen picture will finally end the attention paid to her body, though it may arouse conflicted, brand-new scrutiny. Here's a tip, Kim: when that appreciative email comes from Andy Dick, don't answer it!

• I Never Had Plastic Surgery! [Kim Kardashian]

Cameron Diaz' ex and 3000 star Gerard Butler (we keep trying to forget that we first noticed him in Phantom Of The Opera even though every time we see his now-rugged face we can't help picturing him over-earnestly busting out "Music Of The Night") is fortunate enough to be starring in Ritchie's upcoming Rocknrolla, which means he was unfortunate enough to run into Madge at some point during filming. And as we learned months ago, the Ritchie groupie is always equipped with a baggie filled with needles filled to the brim with Lindsay Lohan's favorite "asthma attack" cure, Vitamin B-12. But according to Butler, the normally healthy kick to the ass advertised extensively be Madonna's most fickle supporter/critic Justin Timberlake, "the injection failed to boost Butler's immune system - and left him feeling worse than before."

Even more embarrassing for Madge, Butler describes her as "the nurse" on set. Meaning she's gone from platinum singer to failed director to failed on-set medical assistant. Frankly we don't blame her if she did get some "filler in her cheeks," as a Daily Mail plastic surgery believes. A little nip and tuck, which, in Madonna's case, doesn't look as horrific as the tab makes it out to be, can go a long way in boosting one's self-esteem. Just look at Bat Face victim Nicole Kidman — it's almost like she never looks unhappy, even when she's so bored by her husband's music that she nods out for a while!

[Photo credits: Splash]

• GERARD BUTLER GOT SICK AFTER MADONNA GAVE HIM SHOT IN THE BUTT [Starpulse]
• HAVE AGE AND STRESS LAUNCHED SHOCKING ATTACK ON MADONNA'S FACE? [Daily Mail]

Us
"It Was In Vitro!" Angelina and Brad conceived the twins via an in vitro procedure because they didn't want to wait to get pregnant. Brad was the one who pushed Angie to have more natural kids because he really wanted a biological son. Well congrats on getting one! Moving on: Pictures of Sienna Miller frolicking topless with Balthazar Getty. The author writes: "If you were dating a married man, you could be discreet about it — or you could be Sienna Miller." In all fairness, he is separated. A story called "Are They Too Old For…" questions whether Brad should be carrying Pax Jolie Pitt, 4; whether Calista Flockhart's son Liam, 7, should have a teddy bear and whether Suri Cruise, 2, should still be drinking from a bottle. Judge much?
Grade: F (stinging nettles)

Life & Style
"Hollywood's Pregnant!" So Ben's mom has confessed that Jen Garner is knocked up with baby number 2. A section of this story is called "Why They Waited." Their first kid is two years old! Is that "waiting"? The next four pages are stars who maybe someday could possibly perhaps have kids: Eva Longoria, Reese Witherspoon (she got pregnant before she married Ryan Phillippe, so she could get pregnant while dating Jake!), Jen Aniston, Ellen DeGeneres. Moving on: "Why Britney Gave Up The Kids" attempts to explain why Brit "let Kevin win" the custody battle. Uh, she "let" him? There was no way she was going to get full custody while in a conservatorship, right? Love this little chart called "Everybody's Wearing Stripes" because by "everybody" they mean three celebrity kids (Fig. 1). Hate this picture of Audrina "flaunting" her body, because those fake boobs are crazytown (Fig. 2). Mariah Carey has told new hubby Nick Cannon to get a job. She wants him start modeling, and he likes the idea. Kelly Osbourne's "amazing body transformation" is about how she went from curvy to trim. "She's lost weight by being in love," a source says. On the plastic surgery spread titled "Who's Had it, Who Hasn't" basically everyone has had it. Intern Margaret likes Megan Fox's old nose. (Fig 3.)
Grade: D- (poison oak)
In Touch
"Baby Joy: First Photos" So the cover has a picture of Angelina Jolie holding a "baby" and a burst that reads, "20 new pics inside." But. If you look closely, you'll see that Angie is holding Shiloh's doll. And the caption inside reads, "Angelina, here carrying Shiloh's doll, can't stop smiling since she's been home." So, while these are indeed new pictures, they are NOT new pictures of twins Knox and Vivienne. But there are 20 new pix spread over 6 pages. They show Brad, Angie, Shiloh, Zaharah, Pax, Maddox, Brad's mom and dad and some unidentified other boy all playing soccer (Fig. 4). Moving on: Alex Rodriguez has another woman! She's "Madonna's rival." Her name is Maritza Franco and she's "close friends" with A-Rod. Next: Britney is "paying Kevin" for the kids because she's agreed to increase the child support and is getting an extra night of visitation. But! In the same article a source says, "It's not a pay day, it's like this in any divorce." Also inside: Mary Carey is off the wagon. Nicole's older kids met their new little sister Sunday about 12 days after she was born. Kim Kardashian's going to be on Dancing With The Stars. Lastly: Apparently Spencer Pratt will pose for Playgirl… if they pay him $1 million.
Grade: D (thornbush, with points deducted for falsely advertising the cover story)
OK!
"Daddy's Little Boy!" Matthew McConaughey's makes his baby's birth sound like a drum circle: "Contractions started kicking in, and we found a great rhythm. We had a 14-hour session, her and I did. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it. We danced to it. I was DJing this native Brazilian music. We were jamming!" Something happened where the doctors were trying to vacuum the baby out because the umbilical cord was being compressed. Matt says: "This is where I learned — and no one tells you this — but having a baby is a bloody, pukey, sweaty, primeval thing." Little Levi already has a baby wet suit and Matt says, "He'll be surfing next weekend." Intern Margaret thinks the baby looks just like Matt (Fig. 5). Moving on: Britney and Justin back together? Well, they will record a duet for her new album. The song, written by Justin, will be produced by Timbaland, of course. On page 15 there's a picture of svelte Nicole Kidman and a doctor who doesn't treat her says, "It doesn't mean something's wrong, but we'd be worried she exercised too much and didn't eat properly." So remember how Life & Style said "Everybody's Wearing Stripes"? OK! spins it thusly: "Guess Who's Stealing Suri's Style?" The mag also says designers are making sweet babydoll dresses now, inspired by Suri.
Grade: C (ragweed)

Star
"Sarah Jessica's Husband Caught Cheating!" An "exhaustive 5-month investigation" done by Star: Matthew Broderick has been seeing a woman who is a "respected counselor to children" and they met in a bar. She's 25, he's 46. The magazine is protecting her identity, so they only show a pixelated picture. (Fig. 6) Apparently Matthew told the woman that his marriage was "not good" and they fooled around in her apartment. Days later, he texted her to meet him at the Manhattan townhouse of a "showbiz friend" and they had sex. She says "It was great! Matt is a wonderful kisser!" She's nicknamed him Mattycakes. All this was happening while SJP was filming Sex And The City. Eyewitnesses saw Matt make 2 more late night visits to the woman's apartment building. On another occasion they had sex in the woman's friend's apartment because the woman's boyfriend was home. The woman is pissed that Matthew told her he was going on vacation in Ireland but then she saw pictures of him in Hawaii with his family (he was texting her and saying how beautiful Ireland is.) Eventually the woman broke off the relationship because Matt admitted that SJP didn't know that he thought their marriage was "not good." Moving on: Angelina and Brad left the hospital so quickly, they left behind champagne bottles and an autographed card from Bono. (It might have been on purpose, to throw off the paparazzi.) Oh, and their estate in France is over run by wild boars. Next: Is Zac Efron taking human growth hormone? He's gone from "scrawny to brawny." (Fig. 7) Oh. And look at this picture of a picture of Halle Berry showing a picture of her baby (Fig. 8). Diddy is engaged to singer Cassie. Ellen is on a 1,000 calorie a day diet. David Beckham broke the law by driving with his 5 year-old son in the front seat. Plus: Michelle Williams has found love… with Spike Jonze! She's known him for years but recently they were spotted kissing. Amanda Seyfried broke up with her long-time boyfriend while filming Mamma Mia because she was having feelings for costar Dominic Cooper. She says: "The fact that I felt something in my heart for Dominic made me feel that something was definitely wrong. I sat and thought about it for weeks." Sam Ronson has been accompanying Lindsay Lohan to AA meetings for the past year, and Sam won't drink as long as LL is sober. Lindsay's been undergoing random drug testing while shooting her new movie as a condition of the producers. (She's clean.) Lastly: Katie Holmes' hands are "veiny, wrinkled and purple" and Scientology is to blame.
Grade: B (tall grass)
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In past interviews, Parker has responded to the many accusations in the press that she's undergone all sorts of rhinoplastic magic, the actress has said:

"I've had no Botox, no collagen, nothing. I have lines, but if some of my peers weren't having things done, I wouldn't think about it."

"It’s mad. It seems no one can move their foreheads any more and their faces are all fluffy and bouncy.”

"I don't want to do things that I think are unnecessary and I wish that more of us felt that kind of courage. I think it'd be better for everyone...It's just genetics and I don't deserve it. I'm one of the lucky ones I guess."

As any fellow SATC devotee knows, Carrie Jessica Bradshaw Parker spent every episode of the series proudly refusing to hide that beauty mark, endearing her to women across the globe and making the iconic lovelorn heroine that much more relatable. And taking into consideration yesterday's display of what a little moonlight and makeup can do to a girl like Gwyneth Paltrow, we're tempted to take Parker, self-righteous as she may be, for her high and mighty word.

[Photo credits: Reuters, Getty]

• HAS SARAH JESSICA PARKER REMOVED HER FAMOUS MOLE?

"It looks like she may have had some filler in her upper lip. It's subtle, but it benefits her face...Her brows look elevated, which means she may have had some Botox in her forehead."

The three pictures above were taken after Jen's septum fixer-upper last July. And to be frank, we don't see any signs of wrinkles, thin lips or (god forbid!) brows that aren't high and mighty enough. Girl looks good to us.

And you know what? Jen still looks just as good, as evidenced by these photos taken in the last few weeks. Are her lips really bigger? Nope. Is she capable of evoking happiness (unlike, say, Nicole Kidman)? Sure! But just to play devil's advocate for a nanosecond, her brows are kinda high. How dare she raise her eyebrows in a state of excitement! We call these so-called experts' bluffs, and choose instead to think celebrities can, believe it or not, be pretty without trying. Cheers.

[Photo credits: Getty, FilmMagic]

• DOES JEN HAVE A NEW FACE? [OK!]

"My belly button was herniated. Then there was that skin that hung there. It didn't work to suck it in. It wouldn't have mattered if I had done 1,000 sit-ups. "

Even after happily displaying her lack of a tickle-inducing button the way Kyle XY glides through life missing the capacity for joy, Heaton still speaks highly of her surgical usurping, writing "I would recommend it to anyone," regarding her tummy tuck. Just one thing we'd like to add to Patty's go-for-it gusto: make sure you have other areas of your body in which to store lint before pressing forward. That is all.

[Photo Credit: celebrity-gossip.net]

• WHAT STAR LOST HER BELLYBUTTON? SHE HAS ADMITTED TO A TUMMY TUCK [HuffPo]