dandles' new line beats the original, Don't Forget the Trail of Breadcrumbs, Kids!

So enough already, Hollywood! After the jump, find eight dos and don'ts to keep in mind when striving for the perfect celebrity PSA. You have four years to practice — on your mark, get set, go.

1. DO let Jonah Hill host more PSA's on his own. As much as we appreciate the condescending, autoerotic flavor of Di Caprio, Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Demi Moore and a cast of elite thousands, this Declare Yourself ad proved that all it takes is an actual sense of humor about drugs, abortion and the economy to stir potential interest in the issues.

2. DON'T leave the Latino vote to Carlos Mencia, Cheech Marin and co. At least with Cheech around, however, Mencia can't steal Jonah Hill's jokes.

3. DO emphasize Justin Timberlake if you have a choice between him and Jessica Biel. He's just funnier, a better singer and there's always an outside chance of him "accidentally" pulling off someone's clothing.

4. DON'T give Hayden Panettiere her own spot. Especially not on Funny or Die, where she's neither funny nor dies nor so much as dings the McCain campaign she attempts to swear off — literally.

5. DO give Hayden Panettiere a spot with Jessica Alba. The "Muzzler" commercials are by far the most effective portion of Declare Yourself's multi-phase campaign to register young voters. Which is to say: We're sure the light bondage practiced on nubile, destabilizingly earnest starlets also compelled older men in the electorate to register their own "young voters" all over their keyboards. Remember, guys — you can only register once! No cheating!

6. DON'T let Anne Hathaway dance. Or anyone else for that matter. Perhaps the worst PSA of the season, this Creative Coalition spot is about as fresh as the bumper-sticker rack at a Wasilla scripture house.

7. DO pit Jews against each other. The Jewish Council for Education and Research brought on Sarah Silverman as the spokesperson for its "Great Schlep" — a late spring break of sorts encouraging young Jews to head off to Florida and convince their Nanas that Barack Hussein Obama is not the anti-Israel terrorist the GOP has allegedly made him out to be. Jackie Mason soon fired back on behalf of the Republican Jewish Coalition, smearing Silverman as a "sick yenta" over a saucy klezmer soundtrack. We hate to see such striking discord under the circumstances, but it's either this, or it's Roseanne Barr vs. Jon Voight. Which isn't a choice at all.

8. DON'T rope Blake Lively and Penn Badgley into a PSA together and not insist they make out for the Obama cause. Especially if we have to sit through the whole pasty cast of Fame: The Remake or Emo High or whatever the fuck just to get to Lively's sign-off.

Of course, this being the United States of Defamer, your own suggestion are more than welcome below. Let freedom ring — or at least be less painful to watch on a quadrennial basis.

Chace is cheerfully reeling off the indictments against him. "Model turned actor, dime a dozen, eye candy, doesn't know what he's doing ... and Perez Hilton says I have 'gayface.' So on top of everything else, I have to overcome gayface."

Somewhere, we hear America Ferrera rolling her eyes! We ask you, could a unicorn overcome its horn? Could a sun overcome its shine? Chace, kiddo, it's that "gayface" that got you where you are today. You don't disown it. You pull an American Eagle cap down over it, take it to Splash, and use it to rake in free appletinis until the bartender shouts "Last call!"

• OMFG! IT'S THE GOSSIP BOYS! [Details]

Badgley tells PopEater exclusively that he's heard the swirl about the show's skinny starlets, and that he's "never been proponent of the thin L.A. girls." He goes on to tell us that he thinks it's "healthy" that the females on 'Gossip Girl' "aren't bone-thin." He also has solid advice for the '90210' gals: "I hope they eat a double cheeseburger or something."

Penn, you might suffer too if you ate your meals under the withering eye of a grandmother like Lucille Bluth. 90210 is simply reflecting the new reality, where a Midwestern girl landing in Beverly Hills is no longer corn-fed and healthy but emaciated, slightly meth-y, and ready to par-tay! Now, will someone pass us our daily baby carrot?

• Not Just the Plot Is Thin on New '90210' [PopEater]

• Are the skinny starlets of '90210' setting a bad example? [EW]

boomp3.com

On the Manhattan set of Gossip Girl, Leighton Meester tried to use her script to shield herself from the sun, photographers, and any Blake Lively/Penn Badgley full throttle make out sessions. Meester doesn't mind that her co stars are enjoying their relationship, it's just that she minds the fact that it happens all the time: in between takes, while setting up the lights, while at lunch, in line at Starbucks, Waverly Inn and on the L train. Meester said, "I love people in love, but sometimes, you need to be considerate of those around and take it into a dark alley or your trailer."

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

While Lively may not have the sort of fearsome fembot rack as Aniston, her tongue twister partner reminds us of a far less annoying, far cuter version of John Mayer 1.0: when Mayer first got noticed and had yet to unleash his bitchy blog posts and gain a rep for Master Starlet Dumper.

And judging by Penn's willingness to protect his baby's back with SPF and, to use that godawful teenybopper term, "cuddle," we actually feel optimistic about this particular couple's chances. No gay rumors thus far, and really, what are the odds either of these tall, not-so-tan, thin and lovely bodies will spot someone hotter and split?

[Photo credits: National Photo Group via People]

• EXCLUSIVE: BLAKE & PENN'S ROMANTIC GETAWAY [People]