How's your spirit today? Is it acting "uncooperative"? Well, watch out cause you could get fired the way Twilight actress Rachelle Lefevre did! Starlets be warned, Summit studios is not down for your shitty moods or for your 10-day movie-shoot with the guy from Sideways. [Variety]

Great news for those of you eager to witness the country's proletariat fulfill their historic destiny by seizing control of the cultural means of production: leftist stalwart Howard Zinn and Hollywood hottie Matt Damon have signed on for an HBO series based on Zinn's book "A People's History of the United States." Eat a dick, capitalist-hegemon! [ THR ]

Billy Crudup's blue swinging wang has knocked Nic Cage's Knowing out of the top slot for DVD sales. Watchmen from Warner Home Video, has shot to the top of the national home video sales and rental charts its first week. [THR]

Who among you has the emotional veracity to stop giving Paul Haggis work? The Crash director is making a new movie with Russel Crowe called Three Days. It's a remake of the french flick Pour Elle about a wife who is imprisoned for a murder she claims she didn't commit and the husband devises a way to get her out. It's assumed Crowe will play the husband. [ THR ]

Jennifer Aniston will be in a new romantic comedy curiously named Pumas. Right. [ Variety ]

Spiderman director/longtime Orc Sam Rami has signed on to direct a live-action film based on the videogame World of Warcraft. For too long the Orc community has been slandered and stereotyped in the movies. Hopefully, Rami will foster greater diplomatic ties to the isolated Orc nation. [AP]

"Haggis had an idea they weren't fond of, and I didn't know if it would work or not," says Forster. "The idea was that Vesper in the last movie, maybe she had a kid, and there would be an orphan out there. It wasn't anything to insult the franchise. But they felt it wasn't particularly Bond — him looking for the kid. I think Paul thought he just leaves the kid, he doesn't deal with it. But [the producers] thought that would be really nasty, too, because Bond was an orphan himself. If he would find a kid, would he just leave it? They were so vehemently against it. That was the only time I saw, really, 'No, we can't do that.' They said, 'Once he finds the kid, Bond can't just leave the kid. It's not right.'"

Could Bond really have weathered the change from secret agent to absentee surrogate father? We have a hard time believing that Bond would lift a finger for a bratty British tyke, but that's OK — his Bond girl has several fingers to spare.

• How James Bond Nearly Became a Father [New York]

In today's installment: Kiefer Sutherland, Lauren Bacall, Ashlee Simpson, Christopher "McLovin Sucks Balls!" Mintz-Plasse, Paula Abdul, Bob Odenkirk, Hank Azaria, David Wain, Benjamin McKenzie, Jackie Warner, Paul Haggis, Jane Lynch, Shane West, Ken Davitian (twice!), Brad Garrett, Joe Rogan, Bitsie Tulloch, Jennifer Morrison, Christopher Titus and more.

FRIDAY, MAY 20
· Sitting at the bar at 4100, smack dab in the middle of a Square Pegs DVD discussion, trying to remember the name of the actress who played Muffy, my friend suggests asking the guy who just sat down next to us. I turn around to see everyone’s favorite Lost Boy, Kiefer Sutherland, who just happened to co-star with her (Jami Gertz) in that iconic bit of cinematic magic. Fellow patrons approached us with their best The Lost Boys quotes. “Mi-chael, Mi-chael.” & “It’s just noodles.” were among the favorites. Surprisingly, there was not one quote from A Few Good Men—WTF?. Lt. Jonathan Kendrick was drinking J & B neat with a few civilians who favored PBR in a can. He did a funny little dance when “Oh Bondage, Up Yours” came on the jukebox, which my friend took to mean that he did not approve. After he had a few drinks in him, Jack Bauer was overheard to say to a female companion, “I would definitely be all over your ass.” I figured Chloe must have downloaded the schematics to his PDA. After last call we were escorted out while he stayed with his friends to smoke and drink.

TUESDAY, MAY 27
· Saw Benjamin McKenzie and a male friend eating in silence at Hugo's. Both wolfed down their quasi-healthy and always-surprisingly-bland-fare (seriously! why do i keep going back?) with nary a word spoken between them. Afterwards they shared a huge chocolate sundae. Then they simultaneously texted. In silence. A few grunts here and there and that was all. A typical hetero night in Boystown? That guy was amazing in Junebug, btw. Seriously. What a great actor.

· Saw Brad Garrett rocking out to the Police during night one of their two nights at the Hollywood Bowl. The people behind him only heard the show. Dude is tall. He left during the encore.

THURSDAY, MAY 29
· This one's for all of you - all three of you- who are obsessed with internet sensation/primetime disaster QUARTERLIFE. R.E.M. show at the Bowl: saw "Dylan", Bitsie Tulloch, and her QLIFE enemy "Britanny", Barret Swatek. In line together, buying one lone beer. I so wanted them to start making out like they did on screen but they just flirted with the lucky guy next to them and walked off into the night to drink their beer and probably make out in the dark to some REM soft ballad. Also, looks as though Qlife didn't pay that well because they were both in serious need of a sandwich.

· The West Hollywood Equinox is no stranger to (sort of) celebrities, but this morning I saw Jackie Warner from Bravo's "Work Out" there. I don't normally care very much who I see there, but I found it interesting that a woman with a reality show about owning a gym doesn't even work out there! What a sham...

· I saw Shane West last night (5/29) and the 24-hour fitness in Hollywood, looking very good. A lot shorter in person than I would expect.

· At the DGA screening of Dirty Harry, I saw: Paul Haggis, Ken Davitian (of Borat fame), Gary Cole from Office Space and The Brady Bunch movies, Christopher "Shooter McGavin" McDonald (he seemed pretty friendly to a group of girls who approached him in the lobby after the screening), Jon Voight (he too seemed nice, posing for a few pictures with fans), and Lonny Ross from 30 Rock, who seemed to be by himself. I really wanted to approach him and tell him what a huge fan of 30 Rock I am, but I don't recall him being on any of the recent episodes, so I didn't want to offend him in case he's no longer on it.

SATURDAY, MAY 31
· At Palmetto (bath-goop store on Montana in Santa Monica), saw Lauren Bacall. She was being fawned over by the staff, plied with lotions balms and salves. Well why not? She's a legend and she had Bogart. Looks good, and still has that plummy, New York voice.

· Saw Joe Rogan of Fear Factor fame standing outside of the movie theaters at The Grove. He had his entire index finger in his mouth, apparently trying to pick a kernel of popcorn from his teeth or something. Dude, that's what bathrooms are for.

SUNDAY, JUNE 1
· Had lunch at Maggiano's on Sunday (June 1st) and saw Paula Abdul there. She was pretty much ignoring the three people in her group by talking nonstop on her cell.

· Arrived to an oddly not-terribly-crowded Hugo's on SMB just as Jane Lynch walked out. While patiently waiting for our table, Milo Ventimiglia walked in (wearing a black Robot Chicken T-Shirt) and patiently waits to be seated. Although we thought we had experienced our share of sightings for a single Hugo's outing, as we went to pull out from the parking lot behind the restaurant, Bryan Singer pulled up in his gas guzzler.

· The delightfully normal-looking and -acting (yet brilliant and funny) Bob Odenkirk at the Trader Joe's in Silver Lake during the morning. Good sighting, but i was more thrilled to find an actual parking spot...

· Was wandering around the afterparty at the MTV Movie Awards and, predictably, saw a lot of famous people running around. I won't bore you with those details, but this one stuck. Anna Faris was talking to a group of friends when two female fans approached her, asking for a picture. Being the doll that she is, she complied. However, her douchebaggy boyfriend (gentleman caller?) was really rude to these fans. He laughed dismissively when they asked her, and then made fun of them after they left. What a dick.

MONDAY, JUNE 2
· Hank Azaria was at the 7:15pm screening of Bigger, Stronger, Faster* at the Arclight. I wonder which of his characters is on the juice? Chief Wiggum? Apu? The Comic Book Guy? Cletus? Professor Frink? Dr. Nick Riveria (he's kind of like an anti-aging doctor), Snake is definitely on steroids...

TUESDAY, JUNE 3
· I had an eventful 30 minutes or so sitting in the Arclight courtyard on June 3rd. I saw chameleon actor Clifton Collins Jr. with a woman who looked, as Variety likes to put it, non-industry. Next up: Heavenly Creature Melanie Lynskey and her husband, Sunny in Philadelphia's Jimmi Simpson. And finally, the willowy Jennifer Morrison breezed past with her new beau Amaury Nolasco from Prison Break. Is it too far-fetched to conclude they were all coming out of the same screening of Sex and the City?

· Saw former good actor Michael Rapaport while having lunch at Bloom. Thankfully, the female talent dining there distracted me enough that I even forgot about seeing him until a moment ago. Food was ultra-tasty, btw. But seriously, kids, the women there were all the more delicious.

· Saw David Wain at the Groundworks coffee on the corner of Sunset and Cahuenga. He's an early riser, that one. Resisted the urge to quote Wet Hot American Summer lines while he stood in line. He grabbed himself a morning coffeee, wandered around for a few minutes and then headed out the door.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4
· During the early afternoon, saw Rashida Jones looking good and getting into a black hybrid SUV nr Robertson Blvd and Alden. My Chappelle's Show-loving girlfriend went "Team Karen! Oh hey, is it muthafuckin' tizzight?" (in a friendly way). She didn't turn around.

· [ED. NOTE — We normally don't include NYC sightings, but this one is kinda priceless] Ashlee Simpson at Kips Bay movie theater in NYC. It was not hard to spot Ashlee at the 7p screening of Sex and the City. She was sitting in a ROPED OFF area with her NONtourage - totally solo. She had purchased 3 rows of seats so that she would not have to mix with the plebs. An usher stood by the ropes to explain to all the bitter patrons why they couldn't sit there. EW.

· Lunchtime at the McDonalds in Century City, we spotted Ken Davitian, he of balls in the face Borat fame, wolfing down his meal very quickly. He didn't eat the bun, he apparently ate all his fries, and seemed in and out in about 10 minutes! We watched him quite openly instead of being all stealth and nonchalant about it. He did not notice us staring at him or hear me whispering probably a little too loud: "Jeeze, I've seen that guys balls".

THURSDAY, JUNE 5
· At the Parliament show at Crash Mansion, saw McLovin' wearing a Red Sox cap and talking trash about the Lakers with some fans. He was polite and patient with the people, who did not return the favor. When his friends finally extricated him from the mob, the scorned fans shouted loudly "McLovin' Sucks Balls!" All class, Laker fans.

· Very tall and skinny Christopher Titus at one of 80,000 Starbucks on Ventura Blvd, in Studio City.

"What haunts me...is that I'm getting too earnest. I just hate earnest people, and the thought of turning into one ..."

"I don't know, man. I read this article about myself in some magazine, and I came off as this earnest, serious person that thinks deep thoughts. Wow! Did I say that stuff? I sound like a complete asshole." [...]

"I was talking to People magazine" he says, "and I was going on this rant about how we're betraying our veterans, how we're making them face these impossible situations and these hellish things that they have to deal with. And they said, 'Give us something about Charlize so we can actually print it.' They were quite honest. They didn't care about these veterans or the children who were dying. So I gave them something about how Charlize played Deal or No Deal in the trailer, and that they printed. Wow! I should have told them to go fuck themselves, but no, you're trying to get people into the theater, so I'm not trying to alienate them."

Knowing that now, we feel that much smaller for having breathlessly relayed the news about Theron's addiction to dollar-value-assigned aluminum briefcases. Still, we applaud Haggis for resisting the urge to tell People to go fuck themselves, instead capitulating to their requests for trivial anecdotes featuring boldface names and top-rated game shows. At least we now know he planted the story for America's Posttraumatic Stress Disorder-suffering men and women in uniform, and not out of some secret code of honor among bald Canadians to always plug each other's projects.

• lamag.com

· Flight of the Conchords' Jemaine Clement signs on for Gentlemen Broncos, a new comedy by Napoleon Dynamite's Jared Hess; sadly, there appears to be no part for troubadour-roomie Bret McKenzie, disappointing news slightly softened by word of Sam Rockwell's involvement in the project. [THR]
· Paul Haggis and partner Michael Nozik have parked their new Hwy61 Films production company at United Artist, where the studio's interim agreement with the WGA will allow the shingle's heavy-handed™ projects to zip along through the development process unimpeded by the strike. [Variety]

None of the major characters from the movie, including the ones played by Matt Dillon, Brendan Fraser and Sandra Bullock, are likely to make it to the series, said Beggs. "We'll use the style of storytelling from the movie," he said, "but there'll be new characters and new stories to get into the subjects of race and class, and the bigotry that's simmering under the skin of a city like Los Angeles."

Though the jettisoning of Crash's beloved character-types is certainly disappointing (surely, someone at least considered the possibility of making an offer to Kevin Dillon to reprise brother Matt's Oscar-nominated performance), we're sure viewers will embrace the fresh players Paul Haggis uses to expose the prejudice-riddled underbelly of Los Angeles on Starz, open-mindedly accepting the secretly racist firefighters, Hollywood agents, or middle-class housewives who find their lives improbably intertwined by the we're-all-just-trying-feel-something fender-bender that opens each episode.

• Starz braces for 'Crash' [Variety]
• Previously: Lionsgate Pulls WGA Into A Negotiation Room For A Spat-Ending Quickie [Defamer]

• 'Crash' director sues producer over film profits [AFP]

Hello [name redacted],

I don't write to you that often about films, except when they strike a very special chord and cry out for some special attention (think "An Inconvenient Truth," or Leo DiCaprio's "Eleventh Hour.")

A couple weeks ago, Harry Reid handed me a DVD copy of a film that's hitting theaters now — Paul Haggis' "In the Valley of Elah."

I took it home, watched it, and I think this film crosses that same threshold — because it's gutsy and risky and challenging to bring out a movie during a time of war that captures the tragic but very real effects of war on families, friends, and loved ones when they come home.

But you know, in this war— where we're reminded our troops and their families have been asked to sacrifice so much while the rest of America was asked to "go shopping"— I think that a dose of reality is needed.

In every war, the costs are paid by soldiers and their families, whether they are killed, wounded, or have to live with some of the "invisible wounds" of war that are so hard to heal.

I think it's a healthy thing for every American to watch "In the Valley of Elah" — and think about someone you know and love, or someone you may never meet — someone else's son or daughter, brother or sister— as this film traces the mysterious disappearance of a soldier returning from Iraq, and delves into the searing effect of combat on the soldier, his family, and those who love him.

The former top operating officer at the Pentagon, a Marine Lieutenant General, once said of Iraq that "the commitment of our forces to this fight was done with a casualness and swagger that are the special province of those who have never had to execute these missions —or bury the results."

You can't help but remember those words when you watch this movie. It's not an "anti-war" film; those words are too cheap and easy and clichéd.

No, this is a film about soldiers and families — and a family's search for the truth, and a nation's responsibility to be there for our troops not just when they're sent into battle, but when the boots come off and they come home.

Please watch this movie — because I think if you do, it will give other Directors some hope and some motivation to do what Paul Haggis did and make more movies which confront these issues with the unflinching honesty of "In the Valley of Elah."

To learn more about this important new film, please check out its website at:
http://wip.warnerbros.com/inthevalleyofelah.

Thank you,
John Kerry

Though Stewart's previous turn as emcee of Hollywood Biggest Night was met by both low ratings and mixed critical reaction (there's really no pleasing Tim Allen) we're willing to give him another chance: he was profoundly unlucky in drawing the coveted assignment in a year irretrievably tainted by a Crash Best Picture win, and can't be blamed for the mass rioting that immediately followed the hand-over of Paul Haggis' second statuette of the cursed ceremony, an uprising that resulted in the tragic burning to the ground of the Kodak amidst chants of "Worst! Oscars! Ever!" With Oscar's home completely rebuilt and the unlikelihood that we'll experience another apocalypse-harkening upset, Stewart's return should be a triumphant one that helps to erase the painful memories of the unfortuante events of that March 2006 evening.

• Academy to Invite Jon Stewart Back as Oscar Host [NY Times]
• Jon Stewart to return as Oscar host [AP]

A small number of die-hard fans of NBC's recently canceled drama "The Black Donnellys" plans to ship nearly 300 pounds of Zesta crackers (about 45,000 crackers) to HBO executives beginning next week in hopes of persuading the premium cable outlet to pick up the moribund show.

[Fans] said they chose HBO because the cable outlet is a better fit for the "Donnellys' " grittier themes. Also, they selected Zesta crackers because they are featured in a lounge sign belonging to one of the show's main characters.

HBO offices were closed today for the holidays and officials were unavailable for comment.

This new trend of snack-food-based fan terrorism is disturbing to say the least, causing more than a few involuntary spasms among TV executives who so much as come within a couple feet of a single Pringles canister, and who are merely counting the days before they're snuffed out by a Corn Nuts-avalanche triggered by a fearsome group of primetime-casualty jihadists, who refer to themselves only as the "Children of The Nine."

• A cracker attack for 'The Black Donnellys' [LAT]
• [savetheblackdonnelys.net]

Despite a solid "Deal or No Deal" lead-in, last week's seg sank to third place in the 10 p.m. hour, losing even to the season finale of "What About Brian."

And thus is written The Black Donnellys' bitter epitaph: It couldn't even beat What About Brian. Unfortunately, Studio 60 fans can take no solace in Donnellys' speedy yanking from Studio's rightful, post-Heroes timeslot, which will go to The Real Wedding Crashers, a choice that is sure to sap Aaron Sorkin's will to elevate the medium as he joylessly completes the episodes that will fill out the Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Complete First and Last Season DVD.

• 'Bells' stop ringing after seven episodes [CNN.com]
• Networks clean house [Var]

The National Board of Review makes the first official penetration of the awards season orgy, naming Letters from Iwo Jima best film, Martin Scorcese best director, Forest Whitaker and Helen Mirren best actors, and Volver best foreign film. Brace yourself for the imminent deluge of awards and nominations announcements that may or may not have anything to do with a film's Oscar chances over the coming weeks. [Variety]
The Grammy nominations are out! And? These are probably the only words we're going to write about them: Mary J. Blige, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Justin Timberlake are all multiple nominees. [THR/Billboard
At yesterday's HRTS luncheon, showrunners of scripted programming gathered together to bitch about reality television and the absurdity of network censorship guidelines concerning the number of pelvic thrusts one may display during sci-fi show sex scenes. (Answer: as many as you can squeeze in without depicting "rhythmic sex.") [Variety]
· This article about the five actors who've joined Paul Haggis' next directoring effort, In the Valley of Elah/The Untitled Paul Haggis Project, makes absolutely no mention of Crash or its Oscar victory. For a very happy moment, we allowed ourselves to believe the win was just a very bad dream. And yes, we're still carrying around that pain. [THR]
Imagine's Brian Grazer chooses Spike Lee as the directorial vessel through which the superproducer can explore the L.A. riots in dramatic form, signing on to produce L.A. Riots for Universal. Negotiations are ongoing as to whether he can convince his director to bill the movie as "A Brian Grazer (with Spike Lee) Joint." [Variety]

· We don't know if this Very Special Episode of the Facts of Life was from the Paul Haggis era, but the social issue it addresses is handled with the same level of nuance he brought to the race-relations problem in Crash.
· Film Threat offers its tips on how to make your own celebrity sex tape. One glaring omission: The part where you hire the hookers willing to let a Screech-level actor defile them with a Dirty Sanchez.
We don't often do this, but we'd like to extend a personal apology to Tina Yothers for so losing touch with her current whereabouts that we had no idea that getting herself bikini-ready was some kind of a triumph. We won't let it happen again.
· Michael Bay has brought his movie magic to Detroit.
Shadowy anonyblogger Bachem Macuno resurfaces with this opening: "Agent [ey-junt] n. : someone who will lie to you as part of their natural respiration process and would happily stab you and fuck the wound while sweet-talking a more important client on their cell phone." And it only gets better from there. Still not sold? The new blog is titled " Agents Can Eat My Ass Out Like Hungry Bears."

Paul Haggis — who'd been expected to follow "Crash" with an adaptation of Richard Clarke's 9/11 expose "Against All Enemies" — is changing course.

He's in talks to next direct Tommy Lee Jones and Charlize Theron in "The Garden of Elah," eyeing a late-year start date for the drama. [...]

Jones will play a career soldier whose son mysteriously goes AWOL, shortly after returning to the U.S. from the front lines in Iraq. Theron will play a local police detective who helps him get to the bottom of the soldier's disappearance.

You know what? We'll go right on believing that any day now, the studios will suddenly come to their senses, and collude to force Haggis back into a career of Facts of Life reunion specials and long-overdue reimaginings of Walker, Texas Ranger for Spike TV. We're not ready to let Hollywood smash our dreams quite yet.

• Warners arm walks through 'Garden' [Variety]
• Previously: Paul Haggis Wants You To Know He's Not Ready For Lifetime Network Work Quite Yet [Defamer]

While watching the trailer for the upcoming Paul Haggis-penned, Zach Braff vehicle, The Last Kiss, The Not-So-Exciting Life of Brian Palmer blog was struck with a stifling sense of déjà vu. No, they weren't thinking of L'Ultimo bacio, the Italian movie upon which it's based, but rather Braff's own disaffected-young-adult-love-story, Garden State. After painstakingly juxtaposing several highly congruous stills from both films, the Palmer blog then set out to transliterate a definitive handbook for what is quickly becoming a genre unto itself, naming their handy guide Zach Braff's 10 Easy Tips for Writing Films About Twenty-Somethings®. An excerpt:

3. The perfect catalyst for change should come in the form of a small, perky, impossibly cute, dark-haired Jewess, who, for some inexplicable reason, is deeply attracted to the protagonist, despite the fact that his personality is about as exciting as a soggy peanut butter sandwich. [...]

6. The protagonist should close his eyes often and meditate on when his life wasn't ruled by the debilitating pain of wondering how to connect with other people, or whether he should get married and have kids.

One could chalk much of this up to mere coincidence—after all, a two-time-Oscar-winning master-of-the-obvious like Haggis needn't pilfer ideas from the droopy-faced kid from Scrubs. According to IMdB, however, Braff has admitted to having "tweaked the dialog a little bit", so perhaps there are Braffian influences at play during Rachel Bilson's stirring speech about the velocity of life, which was originally conceived by the screenwriter as a foul-mouthed tirade against the scourge of immigration currently plaguing the country.

• The Gardening [BrianMPalmer.com]

The Bears look to bring into focus what has become a hot topic to talk about in pop culture. All fans who dress as a celebrity Scientologist will receive FREE admission at the box office. Fans can also look forward to the opportunity to win copies of L Ron Hubbard's Dianetics and DVD copies of Battlefield Earth.

It's probably unavoidable that the crowd will be filled with unimaginative Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and Kirstie Alley get-ups, but if fans really want to get into the spirit of the evening and dress to impress, might we suggest a bald cap, two novelty Oscars, and a thin beard drawn in with some eyeliner for a killer Paul Haggis? Or if you like a little good-natured hooliganism in your sports fandom, why not find a blonde wig and a Cabbage Patch Kid, and taunt the away suppressives with accusations of baby-rape as Jenna Elfman? We do not, however, recommend you go as Leah Remini. No one will have any fucking clue who you're trying to be.

• BEARS TO HOST SCIENTOLOGY NIGHT [NewarkBears.com]

That description isn't sitting well with several of the other producers of "Crash," including the film's director and co-writer Paul Haggis, Mark R. Harris and co-writer Bobby Moresco, who have joined in a lawsuit against Lifetime demanding that the tagline be removed from billboards, radio ads and other promotional materials. [...]

"We are asking for this to stop. It's just not correct," said celebrity attorney Richard L. Charnley, who filed the lawsuit in Santa Monica Superior Court on Wednesday seeking a temporary restraining order and preliminary injunction against the network's use of the description. He said the network has gone "out of its way" to leverage Nunan's involvement in "Crash" while also diluting the value of future projects being developed by Haggis, Harris and Moresco.

A settlement in the dispute aimed at imposing greater specificity to the credit could result in some kind of absurd compromise, like new ads altering the line to read "from some of the producers of Crash," or "from two members of the Crash team who made a lot of phone calls, but not from the guy who wrote and directed it or his two pals." And while we hate to take sides in such matters, we do see Haggis' point in seeking legal remedy: He really can't risk executives in this town thinking that he'd waste his heavy-handed magic on a Lifetime series when bigger players are still hungry for his hacky, obvious gifts.

• 'Crash' fight moves to the small screen [LAT]
• Previously: The 'Crash' Lawsuits: Yari Vs. Schulman Vs. The Whole F'ing System [Defamer]

Loder: How is this film going to be different than the 1967 original?

Haggis: It will be completely different, I think. You know, it takes James Bond from the very first Ian Fleming book, "Casino Royale," when he becomes James Bond when he gets his "Double 0" status, which means he has two kills, and therefore has his license to kill. But all the bells and whistles, all the things that Q used to give him, the gadgets, those are all gone. So you deal with the character as an assassin and what it feels like to be an assassin. And I ask the question, "Why does he treat women the way that he treats them?"

Leave it to the most celebrated social-inadequacy commentator of our time to strip James Bond of his gadgets and bed-hopping shenanigans and instead get to the root of what clearly amounts to the character's misogynistic intimacy issues, a theme best represented by the panning montage sequence in which all of Bond's abandoned conquests stare wistfully out their bedroom windows, set to a lullaby of longing by Kathleen Bird York.

• OK, He Won For Best Picture But Can 'Crash' Creator Save James Bond? [MTV News]