With the strike settled, and Gil Cates's beloved, four-hours-plus affair intact, the Academy Awards party circuit is showing signs of returning to its robust former self. To help you get your bearings after the disoriented circumstances of the last few months, Variety has laid all the Oscar-week parties and events on one, easy-to-read schedule. It's fine, but we've swapped in a few events we feel are more essential, and posted the final product above. If you haven't already, we'd suggest you start plotting your itinerary now, before you double-book and/or get your signals crossed, and wind up tanked and getting increasingly mouthy with an annoyed hostess at Cut.

• Six days of soirees [Variety]

· The packed InStyle/Warner Bros. bash had waits of up to an hour-and-a-half for second-tier guests like Grey's Anatomy's Sara Ramirez and the cast of Heroes, but "Paris Hilton, Ivanka Trump and her brother Donald Trump Jr. were lucky enough to be ushered through the pulsing line," just one of the perks of being a reality TV heirtard. [AP]
· At the HBO party, "a woman with apparent breakdancing aspirations wound up with her skirt over her head and flashbulbs popping; moments later, another gentleman fell headfirst down 10 stairs and loudly knocked over two metal sculptures — breaking one in half." We're just happy to hear Annette and Warren were having a good time. [MTV.com]
· Enjoy this exhaustive slideshow of party attendees, where you can get a better look at the diamond-encrusted sand crab that wandered into Hilary Swank's hair, which you could have sworn started talking to you after that 7th vodka tonic. [Sky.com]
· So you can recreate the experience of consuming the same appetizers and cocktails that famous people pounded, here's the recipes for the Coconut Fried Shrimp served at the InStyle/ Warner Bros. party and the La Poire Golden-Green Martini served at the eco-friendly E! party. Bon appetit! [NY Daily News]

Hollywood environmentalists are throwing the first "green" Golden Globes awards bash for celebrities next week, complete with organic food, recycled paper decorations and tables made of reclaimed wood. [...]

Actresses Maggie Gyllenhaal, Eva Longoria, Sarah Jessica Parker, Rachel Weisz and socialite Paris Hilton are among the celebrities scheduled to attend the event in a former department store set to become an eco-friendly apartment building. [...]

The party will be set in a landscape of plants and flowers in a bid to promote awareness of green issues, and the group TreePeople will plant one tree for every attendee.

While some visitors might miss the decadent goodies to which they are accustomed—it just doesn't feel like they're trying unless there's a 1000-gallon chocolate-spewing volcano that later gets dumped into the nearest gutter once the guests have had their strawberry-dipping fill—we think the very trendy environmental theme should be enough to draw big stars to the soirée, to say nothing of the marquée names who have already RSVP'd, such as Eva Longoria (seen here looking glamorous with a freshly clubbed baby seal), and Paris Hilton, who will be sure to turn heads and set off flashes when she pulls up in her sexy Mercedes SLR McLaren (13 mpg/Green Rating: 20).

• Golden Globes going green with eco-friendly party [Reuters]

UPDATE: Another reader did indeed spot stars Steve Carell and Greg Kinnear at the party. The short addendum also after the jump.

So last night I attended the closing night of the Los Angeles Film Festival and saw the awards presentation and the film "Little Miss Sunshine". After the typical clusterfuck at the red carpet/entry area, we went into the main floor of the Wordsworth Theater to find seats. There, we found....paper on EVERY g-damn seat in the place! I mean, check this out - despite my blurry phonecam shot, each seat is labeled "Reserved for Fox Searchlight". I mean, how many people work at that company anyways?! We finally found seats in the balcony, which proved to be a fun place from which to watch the award winners hear their names, attempt to make their long trek from the balcony to the main stage, and yes, get stopped by headset wearing goons from entering the main theater. We must have waited 15 minutes for some poor short filmmaker to get past security in order to collect his little award. Folks, the Oscars, this is not - let the poor man in! Anyways, Christina Applegate did a nice job of hosting the presentation, chastising all of us for loving the free booze all week and telling us to get back to work.

At the Moroccan-themed afterparty, held on the lawn outside the theater, there was plenty of that free booze (thank you Absolut!) and a decent Middle Eastern food spread. The peanut sauce was amazing, even though my mystery meat skewer was a bit tough. Here and there were cast members from "The Office", but curiously, no Steve Carell (who was genius in the film).

Celebs spotted: Alan & Adam Arkin, Greg Kinnear, Abigail Breslin (the little girl who steals the movie), Paul Dano (also great as the tortured brother), Applegate, and "Kevin", "Stanley" and "Ryan" from "The Office" (yes, I'm sure they have real names but they will forever be those characters).

Another reader writes:

In the interest of accuracy, Steve Carrell was at the Little Miss Sunshine screening/party last night. He spent much of the evening near the interview area, chatting with Greg Kinnear. Both were very pleasant and friendly, and kicked ass in the movie.

I went to the GLAAD Media Awards on Saturday night and must say it was a fantastic event. Loads of celebs, booze, etc. But on to the more important sightings/events during the festivities. I was lucky enough to have been able to go to the Celebrity Cocktail Reception before the awards and have to say they did a very nice job. The press line was in the same room as the reception; here are some of the highlights:

· Probably one of the funniest things was seeing the comedian, Ant, getting screamed at by the press line because he ran by most of them — they were literally booing him and screaming that he was an asshole...loud enough that the entire cocktail party stopped talking to see what was happening...brilliant. He was wearing some sort of purple feather/latex overcoat with matching purple feather/latex pants and those goth-type platform shoes. He was the WORST dressed person of the night — and he even presented in that outfit with a very hot Chad Allen. Terrible wig/botox/tan on Ant as well.

· Ted Casablanca (who I think is fabulous, but still) stumbling a bit and looked like he'd had a rough evening — tattered jeans, blazer, grey scruff/goatee · Entire cast of Will & Grace was there — was introduced to Eric McCormack, sweet guy and looked like he had funeral makeup on, his wife looked terrible - hair was very Sharon Stone wind-tunnelish; Debra Messing was stunning (her husband looked miserable and pale); I didn't see Megan Mullally or Sean Hayes until they were on stage, but they both looked fantastic · Cast of Dante's Cove (no idea what channel it is on) — four very handsome black men, wonderfully dressed and very very nice. [ed.note—We think he means Noah's Arc, on Logo] · Jamie Pressley — stunning from head on, but kind of scary/botox from the side · That Samoan football linebacker who came out — TOTALLY wasted — almost knocked a friend of mine down with his 300+ pound frame · Laura Dern very pretty in a naturally beautiful way; introduced a very tiny Melissa Ethridge · Charlize Theron (Vanguard Award) — didn't see her until the show, but wow, one of the most stunning and articulate celebrities I have encountered. She's all leg. · L Word won for best drama I think — Leisha Hailey (Alice) and Mia Kirshner (Jenny) were on stage to accept the award with the producer. Leisha had on what could probably be considered a fantastic cocktail dress for a 14 yr old girl; Mia was wearing some sort of Olsen-inspired baggy shirt/dress with black stretch pants and chunk heels..looked totally strung out...probably second worst-dressed of the night · Teri Hatcher — did not see her come through the press line, nor was she at the reception or dinner. Looked pretty good though · Nicolette Sheridan — tried REALLY hard to be sexy/funny when presenting, but just came off as dull/illiterate and trannyish · Judith Light — whisked through the press line; no on seemed interested · Arquette "sisters" — Rosanna, Particia and Alexis presented together — I'd never seen Alexis outside of Hotdog and she has a lot of electrolysis to finish...and needs boobs. Rosanna looked AMAZING — tan and in a stunning pant suit. Patricia wore a full length piece of blue gauze that made her look pregnant. They all seemed very uneasy and a little awkaward. · Robert Grant — spent a lot of time in the press line; very handsome — kind of looks like an older Ben McKenzie · Garry Marshall — hysterical; presented the award to Will & Grace · Zumanity performed — two hot men in briefs kicking and pushing and jumping on each other with two big girls dressed like they should have been in a Wagnerian opera flanking them. Was a bit odd. · Whomever won for Best Documentary (it was about transgendered people but I cant remember the name) brought some of the subjects of the film on stage; one of the boys asked his girlfriend to marry him...was touching, but also awkward.

[Photo: WireImage via People]

• Charlize Theron, Melissa Etheridge, Transamerica, The L Word, Honored at 17th Annual GLAAD Media Awards Presented by Absolut Vodka in Los Angeles [GLAAD.org]

· The HBO party is described as a "gateway bash," thereby making it the weed to the Warner Bros./InStyle's cocaine and NBC Universal's heroin "hard parties."
· At the Warner Bros.-InStyle party, barefoot and clutching her trophy, Felicity Huffman "shimmied and sang for two hours to the party's live band," as concerned Hollywood Foreign Press officials stood in the background second guessing their choice. Meanwhile Cillian Murphy revealed his boy crush on Joaquin Phoenix, gushing, "He's the best actor of his generation," as the familiar strains of the Brokeback love theme swelled behind him.

The NBC Universal party, meanwhile, was a "lavish, rooftop bash," with delighted winner Reese Witherspoon, "surrounded by grim faced guards," presumably to keep overenthused, clingy househusband Ryan Phillippe in check.
· Jamie Foxx, we have reported before, is a big tipper, and always creative with the denominations. This time around, USA Today reports, it's a lucky bartender who received $200 in 20s. Foxx explains: "I worked a lot of jobs in my life, and I know people forget to tip, so for all those people, I want to take care of them."
· Page Six reports that Naomi Watts showed up to the Vanity Fair party without Liev Schreiber on her arm, asking a friend, "You don't know any nice, single guys?" We imagine spending two years making goo-goo eyes at a green-catsuited Andy Serkis can really give you unrealistically elevated levels of what to expect in a mate.
· Reuters offers some raw entrance footage, rendered somewhat surreal when unencumbered by animated intros and loud, sycophantic voice overs. Behold! As Jessica Alba enters the Warner Bros./InStyle party, pronouncing the festivities the perfect opportunity to "come and hang and have fun and party. It's nice and you can dress up and be glamorous," proving once and for all that there is indeed substance behind this pretty package.

We got them from a 13 year old party girl who got front row leers from Don Henley and who has about fifty more photos she wants to sell so she can get a boob job when she grows up.

The result is the photographic evidence you see above, though 50 wasn't the only one to lose his soul to the shutter. It would appear New York is winning the classic East Coast/West Coast Bat Mitvah rivalry. We throw this out as a challenge to all those local 12-year old maidels-in-waiting: we can outdo them! Get your producer fathers to throw some of their backend dividends towards some daughter-appreciation!

• Exclusive Photos! Mitzvahpalooza! [Tabloid Baby]
• Not-so-Petty cash to rock bat mitzvah [NY Daily News]

Yahoo's Scott Moore (right) smiles because Yahoo!'s stock price rose six percent yesterday. Generously becraniumed Gawker Media boss Nick Denton clenches his teeth in a smile to prevent fourteen gallons of vodka from pouring out of his mouth.

Mesmerized by Arianna's dazzling manicure, David Mamet doesn't even notice that the hostess is strangling wife Rebecca Pidgeon just a few inches away.

Think that's impressive? Ron Silver had a third drink clasped between his toes!

Defamer editor Mark Lisanti, Arianna, Defamer associate editor Seth Abramovitch, and Nick greet tardy guest Verne Troyer, who was immediately ejected for his unfashionable lateness.

A reverent hush falls across the crowd as the speeches are delivered, which, despite his rumored presence at the event, did not include a dramatic reading of HuffPoster/Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel's latest Frustration of the Day.

Defamer parties: rockin' it three guys to every girl. At right, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia writer/star Charlie Day gets his name in the caption while our other three friends do not. Get a TV show, guys, and we'll talk.

At right, Gawker Media Midlevel Blogeaucrat Lockhart Steele (not his real name) is drunk.

Fishbowl NY's Rachel Sklar and Fishbowl LA's Michael Sonnenschein swim up to the glass. Sonnenschein appears excited because he won his blog's rigged "how many bathrooms does Huffington's house have?" pool.

"Hey, isn't that the dude from that show?" As it turns out, it is not the dude from that show, prompting a somewhat dejected return to the bar.

All photos by Elizabeth Daniels.

Got schooled in the caste-system of celebrity last night at a super-swanky Xbox launch party way up in the Hills. The A-list, B-list, C-list and D-list celebs were all mingling together, but how do you define a Laguna Beach cast member? It was ironic that while Justin Timberlake, Josh Duhamel, Matthew Perry, Carmen Electra and everyone's favorite director Michael Bay were able to walk around on their own, Talan, his new-fake fiancée Kimberly Stewart, Paris Hilton and the Greek boyfriend wouldn't make a move without a publicist by their side. I mean, WHAT?!?! Maybe they needed the publicist close by make a quick announcement about an engagement between Paris and her new pet monkey.

Oh, and it gave me comfort to know that even though i didn't rank high enough to get the free Xbox 360 goodie bag, neither did Jonathan Lipnicki. Poor kid!

We're going to assume that Lipnicki either had too much dignity to crash the goodie bag line and recite his three cutest lines from Jerry Maguire, or realized that telling someone that "the human head weighs 8 pounds" is not so adorable when delivered by a teenager. At least the kid can comfort himself knowing that once the acting thing dries up for good, he can grow up to be a movie producer.

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Previously: Defamer Party Report: Just Fishsticks At Just Friends Premiere [Defamer]

In the interest of enjoying the open bar I went to the Just Friends premiere in Westwood last night. Despite the godawful poster, the movie isn't as bad as one might think, and the audience at Mann Village seemed into it. The movie doesn't have a lot of stars, but Ryan Reynolds was there, along with the overdressed and impossibly blonde Anna Farris (and her equally blonde entourage who could be found in various bathroom stalls throughout the night) she seemed just as vapid as her character in the movie.

Chris Klein was hanging around down with the commoners and seemed to be enjoying himself he was with a woman who looked like an even creepier version of Suzanne Somers. I feared she was his date, but later found out that she works for him. Is it just me or does he look sorta like Keanu Reeves? Maybe it's just the "dumb" thing. Also saw Bradley Cooper from Wedding Crashers and soon-to-be-gone Kitchen Confidential. He was bitching about having to go through the press line and generally seemed like a dick. There were other moderately familiar faces there, but I'm pretty bad at spotting people, and my girlfriend and I were too pissed off about the food (consisting solely of White-Castle-esque hamburgers, pigs-in-a-blanket, greasy fish sticks, grapes, and guacamole not kidding) to put our hearts into it. I mean, who throws an after-party at BrewCo?

We suppose we could have anticipated that a Hollywood premiere would be less "old-fashioned fun," more "cautionary tale." Not even the Brothers Grimm could conjure up more forboding images: soon to be out of work TV stars acting like entitled dicks, Katie Holmes' ex accompanied by a creepy Thighmaster clone, and bathroom stalls packed to the gills with blondes. It's enough to scare anyone straight.

Another Halloween, another excuse to snag myself on the barbed-wire B-list bonanza that is Hef's annual Mansion spookfest. I befriended an ex-playmate on the shuttle-ride over, who became my evening's gossip guide. Among the more interesting morsels: the haunted house, mounted every year on the tennis courts, was toned down considerably this time around after Paris Hilton threatened to sue when one of the hired ghouls supposedly 'groped' her in the ghoul room. Didn't scare her off, however, cause she, Nicky, Stavros et al. were there in full force. She was in a bunny costume (the creativity!) and a gigantic blonde wig. After a quick huddle, they broke with a renewed, almost supplemented amount of vigor, and attacked the dance floor.

Also spotted: Alan Thicke, leering lasciviously at every piece of ass to cross his field of vision while his new bride (and longtime girlfriend) Tanya Callou hit the dancefloor for some bunny-hunting. (My playmate pal told me he likes to keeps things fresh.) Appropriately enough for Halloween, the very embodiment of evil Jonathan Baker from The Amazing Race was sliming up the game house, dressed as "Playboy Man" (loser). He was loudly listing his Ferrari specs and saying wife/abuse-receiver Victoria Fuller was somewhere in the main house. Hard to believe, but he's even more hateful in person.

Ari Gold, I mean, Jeremy Piven (no discernible costume), was there, looking shorter than I imagined and with a permanently stunned look on his face, but behaving himself. Bill Maher (in Heffish blazer, which is hardly a costume) had a chick on each arm, and a shit-eating grin. A diminutive Frankie Muniz (looking 12 but actually almost 20), started out alone but ended up with a trashy looking blonde woman all over him. Could have been his mom. Matthew Perry showed up a little late, looking chunky and all unfocused, glassy-eyed smiles. Matt Dillon was there too! Dude looks pretty damn good, considering he's in his 40s.

Best costume of the night? The dude in his 70s with an IV on wheels, in a hospital gown, red scabs all over his face. I'm assuming it was a costume, and not one of Hef's pals who just couldn't pull together an outfit in time.

See ya next year!

• Previously: Defamer Party Report: A C-List Evening At Hef’s Place [Defamer]