In today's installment: Cameron Diaz, Katherine Heigl, Vince Vaughn, Pam Anderson, Sharon Stone, Dave Chappelle, Corey Feldman, Jonah Hill, Eric Mabius, Eli Roth, Pete Wentz, Dane Cook, Fabio, Tim Robbins, Bo Derek, Bret McKenzie, Lucy Liu, Tara Reid, Rachel Zoe, JC Chasez, T.R. Knight, Jonny Lee Miller and Angelyne!

MONDAY, JUNE 16
· Went to the Grove to see a movie when I noticed a tall dark haired man making out with a pretty young blonde who didn't look a day over 18. After a couple takes I realized it was creepy horror film director Eli Roth. He looks more attractive in person, I must admit. He and the young blonde went into The Happening. From what I have gathered, they both seemed really uninterested in the movie (which was horrible by the way) and more interested in sucking face. Maybe because his girlfriend is in high school, she's used to hooking up in movie theaters?

THURSDAY, JUNE 19
· Driving north on La Brea from Slauson I saw in the passenger seat of the car behind me the unmistakable head of Jonah Hill (Feldstein). I changed one lane over so I could see him from the side. He seemed to be annoyed by my pointing at him and had the driver of the car (female) look over at me to laugh. I was just wondering what he was doing so far south...

FRIDAY, JUNE 20
· Pam Anderson was taking in the Dodgers/Indians game in the Dugout seats tonight. She was with her 2 boys, who looked just old enough for their friends to tell them there's a video on the internet of their dad driving a boat with his penis. Also, a goateed Ben Silverman sitting nearby dressed like a 15-year old, with some girl.

· Saw Tara Reid eating lunch with two European looking types at that French cheese place in the old Farmers Market on Fairfax. Damn, that girl looked cute and smiled at my tow headed kid. Really, she was eating.

SATURDAY, JUNE 21
· Saw Cameron Diaz at Home Restaurant on Hillhurst enjoying some outdoor Saturday afternoon brunch. She had hashbrowns on her plate! Skinny celebs eat real food! How?! Honestly though, she was looking good.

· In the midst of the heat wave, Flight of the Conchords' Bret McKenzie (a.k.a., the cute one) at The Waffle on Sunset, huddled in a booth with five or six friends. Couldn't see what he was eating.

SUNDAY, JUNE 22
· Last night, at Swinger's cafe, saw Dave Chappelle eating dinner outside with a male friend. They had quite a spread going w/ french toast, waffles, and milkshakes. The kind of dinner one might order after some "happy cigarettes." ;) Chappelle seemed in a lively mood, walking around and chatting with a few people. He looked good. I wish he'd get back on TV.

· I know it's been forever, but I had to contribute: Was at the beach all day today, escaping the god awful heat, and wandered around as Will Rogers Beach emptied around sunset... and I see an adorable Eric Mabius carrying his adorable son piggyback around the beach... priceless. Maybe celebrities are not all horrible people.

MONDAY, JUNE 23
· Saw Vince Vaughn at the Greek for the Robert Plant/Allison Krauss show. He was exchanging pleasantries with Ray director and Mr. Helen Mirren, Taylor Hackford. I like to think they were discussing a possible Fred Claus 2 in which Vince's character is rendered blind after seeing Fred Claus and becomes the most beloved blues singer in the North Pole. Saw a fan come up to tell Vince how much he likes his work and Vince took some time to chat. That was so money.

· Pete Wentz at LAFF's Monday night sold-out showing of Choke. He stayed until Clark Gregg and surprise guest Chuck Palahniuk finished their Q and A, trying to get out quickly before the audience rush. At first just thought, "hmm, that little man looks like Pete Wentz" until he took a picture with a fan. Dude is WEE, but I thought it was cool he stayed for the Q and A and didn't act like a dick about pictures. My standards are so low.

TUESDAY, JUNE 24
· I saw Rachel Zoe looking as angry as crushed velvet leaving the post-premiere party for The Wackness at the W in Westwood. Was she denied entry or was it just what I was wearing?

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25
· At George Michael's show at the Forum, there was a delectable mix of celebs in the Forum Club during intermission and after the show. You had the older actresses in Bo Derek and Sharon Stone, tv hostesses in Daisy Fuentes & Debbie Matenopoulous, former boy bander in JC Chasez, Eli Stone himself Jonny Lee Miller & his pregnant fiance (wife?) Michelle Hicks, & most importantly Corey Feldman. Corey walked around with his enormous sunglasses around while dragging around his wife by the hand just looking for attention.

THURSDAY, JUNE 26
· Pete Wentz hiding his face and pretending like I cared who he was at the Rite Aid on Fairfax and Sunset. Considered following him to see what he was buying, but then I was distracted by something much more interesting: Kleenex.

· While waiting for an elevator in the 8000 Sunset parking garage, one finally arrived and produced ape-comic Dane Cook and one of his "bros", fresh from a work-out at Crunch.

SATURDAY, JUNE 28
· 1000 year old Angelyne was pulled over in front of my loft 5 minutes ago on Cahuenga and Melrose. They searched her trunk. Another squad car pulled up to join the search!!

· Just saw Fabio @ Equinox on Sunset. If only I knew George Clooney's number, I could have texted him to come over and beat him up.

TUESDAY, JULY 1
· As I was leaving the Arclight after the horriblenessness that is Wanted (seriously, the Loom of Fate?!?!), saw Katherine Heigl and her hags, T.R. Knight and his ward, Mark Cornelson, leaving. She was trying to go incognito wearing glasses, but looked very fit. T.R. and the ward looked pretty gay and short. No sign of lapdog, Josh Kelley.

UNDATED
· It was actually a couple of weeks ago...walking down Franklin Ave on my way to Mayfair Market, I saw none other than Fabio himself, sitting at that little Japanese restaurant. Hair: still luxurious, but not as long as in his heyday.

· Two weeks ago, spotted Tim Robbins at Kika sushi on Larchmont. Let me just say, he is hot. Sarandon is a lucky lady! Side note: I happened to catch Robbins' stage production of 1984 this
weekend, which is fantastic.

· A few weeks ago, I saw Lucy Liu with a male companion at Vegan Glory, this random little cafe in a mini-mall by house. She looked beautiful, as always.

Us
This cover, showing a beaming Michelle and Barack Obama emblazoned with the words "Why Barack Loves Her," is perhaps part of the subtle image makeover we referred to earlier. Us seems very concerned with portraying the clearly awesome Michelle as a non-threatening soccer mom, and more importantly, differentiating her from Hillary. Says a friend: "[Michelle] is not the least bit interested in being a co-president or participating in policy decisions…Her first priority as a first lady would be that the girls are OK, and to continue to be the outstanding mother that she is." We always go straight to Us for astute political coverage. In other news, Hollywood wags think Katherine Heigl's career will be fine despite her ankling the Emmys. Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee are back together for the umpteenth time. They're like Bobby and Whitney but with exponentially more body modification. Finally, here's some news for all the hipsters out there: supermodel Helena Christensen has been "cozying up" to Interpol lead singer Paul Banks for over six months!
Grade: C (a timeshare in Cleveland)
In Touch
Rut roh! Angelina and Brad's CRISIS AT HOME in huge pink letters! They have a lot of babies, it's exhausting, it's possibly pulling them apart, and so on, and so forth. The only good part of this four page spread is the sidebar where Dr. Drew gives Angelina the business about her whole Mother Theresa routine. "I've never seen anyone remit heroin completely," Dr. Drew said. "Is she in recovery? If she's in recovery, I don't seen any evidence of it, because people in recovery invest themselves in simple, selfless acts of service, not global self-serving acts." Burn!!! On to matters of life and death: Did Mariah Carey have plastic surgery? Survey says: Probs. Her yo-yo dieting is well known and after her most recent weight loss, she has mysterious, Tara Reid-reminiscent ripples on her tummy. The liposuction of Mimi! Bret Michaels bonded with Sherri Shepherd when he went on The View because they both have diabeetus, but he wants to do it with Elisabeth Hasselbeck. "Barbara Walters was pretty hot," Bret admitted, "but Elisabeth Hasslebeck and me, I'm just telling her, if her husband ever falls out of the picture…" Scariest tabloid news of the week: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt spent $10,000 on guns because Spencer wants to be "prepared for anything." Can't wait for the Branch Davidianish FBI raid on the Speidi compound…
Grade: C+ (an unheated shack on the coast of Maine)
Star
More Brangelina business. Angie has panic attacks due to the stress of her pregnancy and Shiloh's terrible twos. Apparently she's worried about how she's going to handle "two more needy little ones in an already chaotic household." Uh, probably with the army of nannies she already employs. Miley Cyrus reportedly gets thousands of love letters from prisoners, "who claim they've taped her picture up in their cells." Creepy to the max!! Was Matthew McConaughey macking on strange ladies during a recent trip to Nicaragua while his super-pregs girlfriend Camilla Alves languished at home? If the photos are any indication (see Fig. A below), the answer is yes. An amused onlooker tells Star, "He grabbed the DJ's microphone, crawled onto a table and screamed 'I lost my flip-flops!' in broken Spanish!" Britney and Jamie Lynn are none too pleased about mom Lynne's forthcoming memoir, Through The Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, which includes such revelations as Britney bit her nails as a kid. Shocking! And lastly, Jen wants boyfriend of thirty seconds John Mayer to marry her, but he's not down. Hmm, sounds dubious.
Grade: D+ (a metal trailer in Death Valley)
Ok!
Jeebus. Even more Angelina news. This time she's not stressed. In fact, she's so into all her babies, Ok! says, she's looking to adopt another boy. She'll get the lucky young tyke from the same Ethiopian orphanage where she found wee Zahara. Ange wants to "balance the races" in her household and since Maddox has Pax, now it's "Z's turn." Speaking of babies, Britney will charter a jet to Kentwood, Louisiana, the second lil' sis Jamie goes into labor. There are rumblings that Prince William and on-again, off-again flame Kate Middleton will be married next summer. Why did Anne Hathaway stay with scuzzy Raffaello Follieri for so long? Because he's a baaaad boy, of course. "[Women] believe that if we are wonderful enough, beautiful enough or sexy enough, we will cure them of their bad ways, and make ourselves all the more beautiful," Dr. Jenn Berman tells Ok!. Ugh. In other douche-dating news, David Spade says "girls date me because I'm normal." Good to know.
Grade: D- (a motel room on Three Mile Island)


Life & Style
Just when you thought she was getting better, L&S dredges up some old dirt: Britney tried to off herself twice, says a new book. Ian Halperin, an investigative journalist who is writing a bio of Brit tells L&S, "I can't divulge too much, but I will say the suicide attempts are true. I know all the details of both of them>" The book is also about how "sleazy and destructive" her handlers were, and how Britney is obsessed with Marilyn Monroe's tragic fate. The formerly self-destructive Nicole Richie is "back to her old ways" and is losing weight. She and Joel madden are fighting a lot and she's stressed out by baby Harlow. Unlike Nicole Richie, another Nicole (Kidman) is trying to gain weight. She thinks her baby bump is too small and wishes it were bigger. She also wishes that her jugs were bigger. Are Mariah and Nick already on the rocks? "I give the marriage six months, tops," says an insider.
Grade: D- (a teepee in Chernobyl)
Fig. A:

Consider Anderson's bonafides: She was making amateur sex videos long before they were trendy, has a Spearsian appetite for white trash (though in fairness, the wife-beater models in her life make their own livings) and Lohanesque ability to party for days on end, and a pair of sons to hand off to relatives on her way out for an evening at Les Deux. But the Page Six item notes a potentially deal-breaking negative for her candidacy: a sexual relationship with Paris Hilton nightvision-doggystyler Rick Salomon, a tabloid-attracting move roughly as desperate as hiring her own histrionic drag queen to post a "LEAVE THE BADLY AGING FORMER SEX SYMBOL ALONE!" video to YouTube.

• PARTYING PAM COURTS DISASTER [Page Six]

In today's episode: Arnold Schwarzenegger; Luke Wilson; Ryan Gosling; Joaquin Phoenix; Britney Spears; Paris Hilton; Tara Reid; Pam Anderson and Brandon Davis; Sandra Oh; Jon Heder; Mike Tyson; Fred Armisen and Paul F. Tompkins; Luis Guzman; Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz; Milla Jovovich; Richard Schiff and Sheila Kelley; Dr. 90210; Robbie Williams; Amy Smart; Shannyn Sossamon; Treat Williams; Shane West and Jay Tarses; Amaury Nolasco; Tori Amos; Rider Strong and Rumer Willis; In San Francisco: Rex Lee.

· Arnold Schwarzenegger (4/27) driving his Bentley convertible (top down!) on San Vicente in Brentwood. Creme suit w/ pseudo aviator-style shades. Just try to pull that off, Spitzer.

· Friday 4/27, 4-ish at the intersection of SM and 5th in Santa Monica: I'm walking towards my gym, dodging cars, homeless people, and the hipper-than-thous outside of Real Food Daily, when who do I see? Luke Wilson apparently evacuating the huddled, now-smoke-free masses crowded about the Third Street Promenade. He was alone and didn't appear to have purchased anything. Much taller and thinner than I thought he would be, definitely a lot more attractive in person than the Butterscotch Stallion.

· Saturday Night (4/28 - 9:40 p.m.) Saw Ryan Gosling and another dude buy tickets at the Laemmle Sunset 5. Half Nelson was wearing faded jeans and some kind of button-down shirt. Looked like just a regular, happy guy out going to the movies. My homo friends swear the other guy was a "date." I don't agree, but I'm not above starting rumors.

· sunday @ fiesta broadway in downtown. saw ryan gosling walk into the arcade we were in that was open during the giant fiesta. he lives nearby, i think. he was with two guy friends, no girlfriend. casually walked around, played some games.

· I was at Aroma in Studio City, yesterday Friday the 27th for lunch, and realized I was standing in line behind Joaquin Phoenix and his girlfriend. They looked very happy and in love - she was gorgeous, petite, dark-haired and looked like sort of a cross between "Amelie" Audrey Tautou and Jennifer Connolly. At one point the lady had gone somewhere and he was sitting alone with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, very Walk The Line. I got a thrill.

· While cruising down Ventura Blvd. in Studio City on Saturday afternoon, I spotted Britney Spears in her fishnet finery leaving Naked Baby Boutique.

· Paris Hilton was tooling around the VIP area at Coachella with Britney Spears' MANNY as her sherpa. She's such a douche. She had him carrying a giant backpack around for her and her idiot posse. On Saturday, she walks up to this 'tour manager' looking person and was all pouty...literally with her bottom lip sticking out and whining to him. Then, he walks off and she follows (again with the idiot posse in tow). WHY was she there?

Also, Tara Reid - hammered and swerving around at 5:30pm on Saturday with everyone trying to get pictures with her. Pretty great.

· 4/28 'round midnight Pam Anderson at The Polo Lounge with a corpulent dude around 40. She was wearing white and boobs. . .and bored enough to check out my shit. . .I think. Maybe not. Also, Brandon Davis, "oozing sweat from every pore as he oiled his way across the floor," as they used to say in My Fair Lady. Really, he seemed aimless and an utter waste of protoplasm.

· My first celebrity sighting in Hollywood -

Around 11:30ish PM on 4/27, chillin' at the Blu Monkey Bar & Lounge for a friend's b-day, when the girlfriend looks over and spots Sandra Oh!, with two unrecognizable, trendy-looking white males, one of who appeared to be a boyfriend. I resisted the urge to run up to her and say "ZOMG, I LUV YOU SO MUCH!!!" like several other people because really, Grey's Anatomy is kinda dumb. But she was good in Sideways.

· /27 Shopping for my first breast pump with my mom at the Santa Monica Pump Station (What do you mean I have to wait for the fore milk to start? What is fore milk?), my mom whispers that John Mayer is looking at baby slings behind me. Of course I think all of my financial troubles are over, since I'm going to snap a picture of him shopping for baby stuff for Jessica Simpson...when I turn around and see that it's Jon Heder of Napoleon Dynamite and Blades of Glory. Seems your hearing goes when you get pregnant, too. Anyway, he was on the phone with his wife asking what color or size or whatever she wanted. Deciding that Us Magazine would not pay me a cent for that picture, I returned my attention to the sales associate explaining why I don't want to mix nipple cream with silicone breast shields.

· Sunday, 4/28, Urth Caffe: Mike Tyson, being openly stared at by the chai latte crowd. While he was there I kept my knees clenched together and my hand wrapped around my rape whistle, just in case. He said goodbye to the people at the neighboring tables when he headed out (with his average-looking, 30ish male pal), and acted friendly enough.

· I caught the 2:20 showing of "Hot Fuzz" this afternoon (4/29) at the Arclight and while standing in the endless concessions line, I spotted Fred Armisen and Paul F. Tompkins. They were with a brunette who looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place her. They went largely unnoticed, except by me who proceeded to nerd out once they were safely out of sight. Both Fred and Paul look like they do on TV, but Paul looked a little old around the eyes. And his shaved head is not cute. Bring back the curls, Paul! I wished I could have seen where they were sitting in the theater, but by the time I got my Dibs and got to my seat, the lights were out and the previews had started. I hope they liked the movie as much as I did.

· After a dozen trips to so cal, I finally had my first sighting. While going to the ticket line for the 4/18 San Diego Padre game, I saw El Cid from OZ, aka awesome character actor Luis Guzman walking into the park with two friends. It seemed like everyone who walked past him would recognize him as someone familiar a few seconds later and do a double take. No one in my group knew who he was so my sighting got me no love until I got home to New Mexico. However how people recognized him doesn't say very much for NM (Me: I saw Luis Guzman at the Padre game. Them: Who? Me: He was in Boogie Nights, Anger Management, Carlito's Way, OZ, etc. Them: Who?? Me: He was Lloyd's dad in Dumb and Dumber II. Them: OHHHH! HIM! WOW!).

· Friday night I dined, albeit from across the room, with Ashlee Simpson and her Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz at the Hamlet on Sunset. No more man makeup please.

· Spotted model/actress/clothing designer/singer Milla Jovovich in the Target at Santa Monica & La Brea (or as we like to call that locale, Tar-Gay) late Sunday (yesterday) afternoon. Very tall. No make-up. Great bone structure. She was hanging out with a little, blonde-haired girl, and they looked like they might be buying toys. Milla was wearing a long-sleeved, peach colored, cotton top and low-rise jeans that nicely accentuated the bump on her belly. I was convinced she was pregnant, but my b/f and friend disagreed.

· Big weekend for celebrity car sightings:

Friday 4/27 11pm - I was sitting outside MILK, the new dessert place on Beverly Bl, and saw Richard Schiff and the stripperific Sheila Kelley idling at a stop sign and looking longingly at our brownie sundae while they waited to turn right in their white BMW 7 series.

Saturday 4/28 3pm - sat next to Dr. 90210's Dr. Rey at a light on Santa Monica Blvd and Lincoln. He was driving a black 911 with a Harvard license plate holder and some sort of martial arts bumper sticker (seriously, who puts a bumper sticker on that car?). Couldn't tell if he was neglecting his wife, per the usual.

· This Sunday (4/29) saw Robbie Williams hiking in Runyon with some dude. Robbie looked hot but is definitely getting old; he had a full head of salt & pepper hair and all. My friend and I were still pretty stoked to spot him though.

· Sun. 4/28, 8pm, waited behind Amy Smart for the bathroom at Coachella. Tall, skinny and tan, braless, wearing a cotton jumper so loose it afforded all in the vicinity a healthy portion of sideboob with a frequent helping of pert nipple.

· Sunday 4/29 - saw Shannyn Sossamon walking down main street, Santa Monica. Looked amazing without an ounce of make up on. My friend couldn't get over the fact that she just passed someone who got to make out with Josh Hartnett and filed the sighting away to report back to her peeps in Indy.

Sunday 4/29 - eating at Enterprise Fish Company in Santa Monica and saw Treat Williams leaving the restaurant. Could hardly wait for him to exit so I could call my mother and tell her I saw the dad from Everwood. She promplty reminded me that he was also on Brothers & Sisters this season!

· Flash! The guy who played Michael J. Fox's coach in Teen Wolf (Jay Tarses) was getting on a plane at LAX last Friday, 4/27. Now that I have your attention, so was Shane West, carefully riding the recognize me-no don't line, not wearing sunglasses in the Starbucks just inside the Southwest/USAir terminal, but rolling with a posse of lessers and talking a little too loud in his vaguely gravelly wannabe growl before 'glassing up for the gates area.

So far more people seem to know Coach Finstock.

· On 4/25, around 10AM, at Crunch while suffering through my weekly session with my trainer, noticed Amaury Nolasco (Sucre on Prison Break.) White wife beater, dark blue shorts, jumping rope. Surprisingly cut and hot in person. I'd drop the soap in his shower any time.

· I spent many years of my young life listening to Little Earthquakes, and other Tori Amos albums. Imagine my delight when I was at Shutters this afternoon (Sunday) for a little lunch, and I her having some tea (and I assume some lunch...), and wearing a camo cap and a grey t-shirt (American Apparel?). She has no boobs at all.

· Saw Rider Strong (of "Boy Meets World") fame at the Hollywood YMCA in the afternoon on Monday, April 30. That boy is all grown up and looks mighty fine. Great body, looks good with a moustache/beard combination.

· Apparently Rumer Willis Moore Kutcher (who is much prettier in person, but still very pointy chinned) works at the Marc Jacobs on Melrose. I've seen her there twice now looking appropriately hip & disheveled like the rest of the employees. When I saw her last month she was hanging out behind the counter not paying much attention to customers and again today she was behind the counter still oblivious to helping anyone. If she doesn't work there, she doing a great job pretending. Ah, the things rich people will do to get free clothes.

Special SFO Lloyd Edition:

· 4/29/2007: Saw Rex Lee (Lloyd!!!!) in the San Francisco International Airport security line. Since I'm not an LA-type, I did the fawning "you are great in your show!" He graciously said thanks. Saw him pose for pictures for others in the line. I thought about taking a picture of him in line as proof and send to my husband, but I thought I might get attacked by airport security if I took a picture of the security area!