And it's a bun! That's right. Padma Lakshmi, the gorgeous, allluring, beautiful, exotic, wonderful, slow-talking, beautiful, gorgeous host of Top Chef is with child. No one is saying who the father is, as of yet, and Padma is keeping a low profile, since her battle with endometriosis means its a high-risk pregnancy. We wonder if the cheftestants will have to cook extra in those Quickfire Challenges if she's eating for two.

In other good news, three of the channel's other reality stars—Real Housewives of New York's Bethenny Frankel, Top Chef's Fabio Viviani, and Project Runway's Christian Siriano—have been given shows of their own. Well, it appears that Bravo got custody of it's little gay stepchild during the divorce with Runway! Siriano will have a show about setting up his own business as a designer. This is going to be a must-watch, catch phrase-spewing machine.

Viviani will also have a show about his business, as he tries to take over California with his charm and accent. Frankel will just be saying bitchy things to the camera and getting in fights with Kelly Bensimon for an hour each week. We wish. Actually, we're going to have to watch her cook and try to make sweet, sweet love to the men of New York. I spotted her at a party the other night on the arm of a very handsome gentleman, indeed, so at least there will be some eye candy. Anyway, now that Bravo is spawning its own stars and giving them their own shows, just how long before it folds in on itself in a black hole of meta? Not sure, but I'll probably be watching when it happens.

[Image via Getty]

Mad Men
Returns August 16 [AMC]
Yes, that means you only have six days to watch the DVDs of the first two seasons of the show that you've been telling everyone you already watch, even though you don't. You better get hip with Don Draper or else everyone is going to laugh at you.

Top Chef
Returns August 19 [Bravo]
Well, if Bravo can't have a whole show with hot skinny models in crazy dresses, at least they can have Padma Lakshmi when she returns with her cavalcade of chefs who will call each other names and cook up a bunch of shit that would taste better than the mac 'n' cheese from a box you eat while watching.

Project Runway
Returns August 20 [Lifetime]
With the switch in networks, this show is now officially for women (and gay men). The premiere kicks off with an all-star edition and then there is a show about the models directly afterward. After that, probably Golden Girls reruns or some shit.

Melrose Place
Starts September 8 [CW]
Just in time to make us feel old, the '90s are back—and so are Jo, Michael, Jane, and Syndey! Ashlee Simpson is sure to blow this place up. Literally! She'll probably be planting a bomb in the first episode. Oh Melrose, we missed you.

America's Next Top Model
Returns September 9 [CW]
Though Tyra insists on calling it a "cycle" she's back with a whole new batch of bitches. Even if you ignore the rest of the season, tune in for the premiere, just to see what sort of drag queen madness Tyraparades around in. It always looks like the world's biggest budget public access show.

Glee
Starts September 9 [Fox]
You saw the pilot way back in May and there are already new musical numbers. It's like this high-school-musical-theater-nerd dramedy has been here all along. This is either the next Cop Rock or the next My So-Called Life, so catch the early episodes.

Vampire Diaries
Starts September 10 [CW]
Ok, you have have to watch this because vampires are so hot right now and if you don't, 14 year-old girls will mock you. This is the CW show about teenagers who stay up all night because they're undead, not because they're coked up at Butter.

Gossip Girl
Returns September 14 [CW]
You'd think that now that everyone made it to college they'd change. But watch the new promo. Blair gets bitchy, Chuck gets laid, Serena gets naked, Dan gets clueless, Vanessa gets ignored. Some things never change.

The Office
Returns September 17 [NBC]
What's up with Jim and Pam? We gave up. We'd much rather just watch Steve Carell make an ass of himself.

30 Rock
Returns October 15 [NBC]
NBC is so mean! Why is they going to make us wait until October for new episodes? We would boycott if we could survive without Tina Fey and her tiny little glasses. You will not laugh at anything on television until then. Sorry.

Lost
Early 2010 [ABC]
What, they can't set a date? Does everything with this show have to be a fucking mystery?

1. Padma and the Hendersons
Padma has reinvented herself from foodie to zombie in the past year. Her natural next step is a Harry & the Hendersons-esque comedy about a regular Midwestern family who adopts the Padma zombie. At first the Hendersons want to keep zombie Padma a secret but eventually the public finds out and embraces her. Through the course of the show Padma zombie discovers how to balance a high-profile life full of exhibition, scientific studies, and her human family.

2. Put the Love in the Basket
Anxious for a new roomie, Buffalo Bill (the wang-tucking serial killer from Silence of the Lambs) puts an ad on Craigslist. The ad says that all applicants must be female and a size 14. When slender, quirky, vegetarian chef named Grace, played by Padma, shows up on his doorstep Bill is skeptical. But her love of sewing and small dogs charms Bill into letting her stay. The two learn about love, health, and knife work in this apartment based comedy.

3. Fools Rushdie In
Any kind of a reality show in the style of Newlyweds or the Osbournes. She and Salman get back together!

4. Scrubbing the Grey House
Padma would star in a medical drama that would be based on a mash up on the other successful medical dramas out. Under the cruel tutelage of a sadistic but brilliant surgeon (played by Anthony Bourdain) Padma would learn that fate is indifferent and you can only find meaning in the relationships around you. And in opiates.

5. Hamburger Paddy: The Burger Queen
Paddy, a successful super-model has it all — but she craves even more! Paddy wants a movie deal. But no matter how many acting classes she takes Paddy only gets cast in fast food commercials. How will Paddy over come her deficits as an unpalatable woman of negligible talent and outsized ambition? Will she be able to keep her weight down and her spirits up as the Hollywood drive through scene chews her up and spits her out? Stay Tuned!

Before making a cooking demonstration at the Festival of Arts on Sunday, Marcel Vigneron of Bravo's reality show "Top Chef" first stopped at the Laguna Beach jail on Saturday.

Vigneron was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving at 12:45 a.m. Saturday off of Pacific Coast Highway in Laguna Beach, according to Laguna Beach police records.

...Vigneron, who was initially stopped on suspicion of speeding, was taken into custody and his bail was set at $2,500.

What the Register leaves out is the sudden jailhouse appearance of Padma and Tom Colicchio (with special guest judge Andy Dick), who immediately engaged Vigneron in a Quickfire Challenge. Droned Padma, "Your ingredients for this challenge will include peppermints from the front desk, a frozen chorizo from the break room, and your own booze-soaked Van Heusen button-down. Contestants, ready!"

• 'Top Chef' runner-up arrested on suspicion of DUI [OC Register]