The Defamer Special Correspondent on Possibly Suggestive Superproducer Small-Talk submits this snippet of conversation overheard at a fashion show last Friday (as well as the accompanying pic), lamenting that no free drinks were exchanged in the course of the following brief conversation:

At the D Voshion fashion show at Area Friday night: Megabucks producer Jerry Bruckheimer has no game, does not provide one drink minimum for the following conversation:

Jerry Bruckheimer: So what are you looking for tonight?
Asian Girl: What do you mean?
JB: What would make you happy?

AG: (looks skeptical) Good conversation and generally a good time. JB: And what would that be for you? AG: Seems like you're prodding me for a specific answer. JB: (leaning) Maybe. AG: A chocolate waterfall and a Maserati!

So I made that last part up, but I wished she'd said it, because if anyone could make it happen, it'd be JB. He'd even flip the car for free! Seriously though, isn't he married?

We're not so quick to ascribe untoward motives to Bruckheimer; after all, shouldn't a guy who's wealthy enough that a single day's paycheck could have him covered in escorts on a round-the-clock basis well into the next century be allowed to make some harmless conversation at a social function without it having to be a come-on? It seems clear that the girl's apparent skepticism caused her to fail a test that could have launched her to stardom, and should have answered the question about her happiness with, "Playing the next corpse on CSI: Miami. I think it's important to start small and earn every bit of success I eventually achieve in this business," a modest response that he producer would have immediately rewarded with a huge role in a future Pirates of the Caribbean sequel. Or, at the very least, a job as a stewardess on BruckAir.

• Previously: Jerry Bruckheimer: I Am The Audience, And The Audience Wants Shit To Blow Up [Defamer]

We sat in front of Keanu Reeves for a screening of The Departed, on 10/6 at the Mann Village in Westwood. He was with a very talkative lady (not the same one he was with when he was spotted at Il Sole a few weeks back) who could not shut the hell up through the movie. Considering the field in which Mr. Reeves makes his living, it was strange to us that he could abide by the behavior. He stayed pretty silent throughout the film except for one key moment in the film when he made a snarky comment about Jack Nicholson's acting choices. That's right, Keanu Reeves is our generation's Lee Strassberg. Whoa.

While they considerately avoided identifying the key moment so as not to spoil any surprises, we're almost certain the scene in question was the infamous strap-on dildo scene, which, while it did make the final cut, was hardly the kind of buzzworthy latex-sex-toy performance that is remembered come awards season. Reeves must have noticed the over-the-top, scenery-chewing manner with which Jack dangled the molded appendage in co-star Damon's face, thus causing him to involuntarily blurt out, "Nicholson forgets that acting is reacting. I could have won that big, black cock an Oscar!"

• an infernal movie date [JohnnyHongKong Says...]
• Previously: Jack Nicholson's Strap-On To Take Next Step In Its Promising Career [Defamer]

As I was taking in the final performance of The Cherry Orchard Sunday night, I scanned the crowd looking for my StreetWars assassin when I spotted pure Hollywood royalty. Clint Eastwood walked in with his wife and sat a few rows away. He was munching popcorn (I didn't see any concessions, maybe he brought his own) and was very friendly to the adolescent girls sitting next to him. Class act. Then he starts waving and I see on the other side of his row is Warren Beatty. (I wonder how many times he got roped into this performance by his wife.) They mimed at each other over the crowd as only fellow mega-star/Academy Award-winning directors can do. At intermission they were chatting it up like a couple of school girls. Maybe about a joining forces on a new project. Maybe about a bi-partisan run in '08. I lingered by them and heard Eastwood say, "Now this is how you do Chekhov!" (Since Annette Bening was the star, I'm assuming Clint was talking about that performance.) I liked how adamant he was with his review—it's possible there was a "punk" on the end of that sentence that I missed.

If Clint says that how's Chekhov is done, dammit, who are we to argue? After six thoroughly grizzled decades in show business, a veteran like Eastwood is hardly going to bother with the air-kiss nicety of an insincere review of the performance, even if he's temporarily distracted by Warren Beatty's impossibly lush head of hair.

• Previously: Overheard Celebrity Movie Reviews: Elijah Wood On 'Narnia' [Defamer]
• Overheard: Agent Mulder Didn't Love "Elizabethtown" [Defamer]

Bonus Overheard, Welcome to Sundance 2004 Edition: Girl on Main Street Saturday night, shouting to a friend: "Hey! You ever seen Chappelle's Show? I'm Rick James, bitch!"

• Complete Sundance Coverage [Defamer]

Unfortunately, we had somewhere to go and couldn't follow to hear the rest of the trenchant critique; we fear we may never know Dawson's reasons for becoming disenchanted with his local schools.

• Complete Sundance Coverage [Defamer]

Finally equipped with the Secret of the Deal, we think we're ready to give up this blogging bullshit and take the Endeavor Piss Test.

• Complete Sundance Coverage [Defamer]

Elijah Wood after the cast and crew screening of The Chronicles of Narnia at the ArcLight said:"The little girl carried the film. British teeth and all."

So sayeth the prophet Elijah: Disney's epic succeeds because a gifted child actress refused to wait for her date with the Tooth Faerie and bravely seized stardom from the terrifying maw of corrective dentistry.

• Overheard: Agent Mulder Didn’t Love “Elizabethtown” [Defamer]

Saw David Duchovny (unfortunately called "Mulder" by the ticket taker) and an older female friend coming out of a Friday matinee of Elizabethtown at the Mann 6 in Santa Monica. His response when prompted by said ticket taker for a reaction to the film: "Really bad." Being a Cameron Crowe fan/apologist there's the urge to make a House of D joke, but I'll resist. Coincidentally, sneak preview passes for Mr. Duchovny's new film Trust the Man were being handed out across the street. Not sure if he grabbed one.

Next time on Overheard Celebrity Movie Reviews: Cameron Diaz finds her own work in In Her Shoes "pretty rad."

• Elizabethtown [Rotten Tomatoes]

Chucky: Oh, I got this invitation to a party!
Spiderman: Who's throwing it?
Chucky: Um, the Policemen.
Spiderman: (laughing) Maybe they just invited you there so they can arrest you. Like a setup.
Chucky: Hmm, I don't think so. You sure?
Spiderman: That's what Superman said...

Once in a while, after moments like these, our heart nearly bursts with love for Hollywood. [Cue swelling violin music.] We just hope they don't invite the Batmen. Nobody wants their party marred by another violent turf war.

• Overheard on Hollywood Boulevard [LAist]
• Previously: Batmen Grapple In Front Of Chinese Theatre! [Defamer]