<![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, orphan theft]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, orphan theft]]> http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/orphantheft http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/orphantheft <![CDATA[Madonna's Malawi Mission Of Peace Marred By Orphan Intifada]]> madonna-malawi-stone.jpgPerhaps realizing that instructing her handlers to "just drop me in the armpit of Africa. Somewhere no one's ever heard of. I'm about to make an anonymous, destitute country famous!" for a demi-orphan shopping adventure may have come across like the self-serving act of an aging pop icon, Madonna returned to Malawi with little David Banda and lesser biological offspring Lourdes in tow, to follow the progress on the construction of her exciting charitable projects like the Little Red Kabbalic Reprogramming Schoolhouse. Also on the itinerary was a reunion with David's concerned father, which quickly devolved into mayhem when the army of international reporters who had descended upon the scene were fended off by a defensive ring of rock-launching teenage orphans:

Malawi police and stone-throwing school students blocked journalists from covering pop star Madonna's visit to an orphanage on Tuesday where the boy she is adopting was due to meet his biological father.
Teenaged students in black and yellow uniforms from the secondary school at the Mchinji Home of Hope orphanage hurled stones at journalists' cars and formed a protective ring around the building.

It would be a shame to dismiss the trip as a failure just because of one orphan uprising—here, for example, is video of a far less agitated interaction, in which Madonna tours an impoverished village, offering a local farmer a dessicated vegetable husk before being whisked away in an SUV. We're concerned, however, about the brutal effectiveness of this kinless army. As soon as word gets out about Madonna's mercenary orphan detail, it will only be a matter of time before every paparazzi-hounded A-lister insists on enhancing their security with their own team of Mchinji ninjas, stealthily dressed in black and yellow, and trained to crack an HD camera lens from over 20 meters before taking out the videographer himself with a series of machine-gunned pebbles to the skull.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=252991&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Brad Pitt And The Ethiopian Prisoner]]>
After months of painstaking preparations, the plan had finally come together. The marital strife played out in the unwittingly complicit tabloids, the arty, portentous magazine spreads, the signing of the divorce papers, and, lastly, the public face-mashing session with a co-star with whom no sexual attraction was shared, all culminated in this moment. While Angelina Jolie was occupied by a demanding scene on the set of The Good Shepherd, Brad Pitt slipped into her trailer, scooped up the newly-adopted Ethiopian orphan in the crook of his arm, and coolly strode to a waiting limo, never succumbing to the adrenaline pumping through his heart. Within an hour, actor and and child would board a private jet headed for the West Coast, where he would reunite with Jennifer, his wife, his one and true love, and finally start that family they'd long talked about. No swollen belly, no stalled career. A perfectly plotted Mametian double-cross. Ang and Maddox, he thought to himself, They'll get over this, they're strong. There are other orphans. But this one's mine. No. Ours.

[Photo: Splash News]

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