Surrounded by an army of protectors, servants, and production assistants instructed to alert her the moment Sam Ronson finally appears bearing cigarettes and liquid adrenaline, you may attempt to concentrate on the clip and notice the familiar sound of police sirens coming from some mysterious location. Not to worry. You are not busted for whatever caused you to get the shakes upon hearing them. They're coming from your computer! And they're most likely after Lindsay! Which is why she stands within hiding distance of the surrounding trailers and tents customized to camouflage all cast members decked out in the dusty old wardrobe from The Bad News Bears. Though we are delighted to note the presence of an actual bra supporting Lohan's freckly pieces of "art," the sight of Lohan bent over and huffing smokes on her own personal Field Of Dreams is probably something that would make Peter Gammons keel over once and for all.

• LINDSAY LOHAN PLAYS BASEBALL IN THE VALLEY [Hollywood.tv]

Apparently not entirely on top of his clients' current affairs as he should be, Sheen's publicist Stan Rosenfield issued a statement to the NY Post letting them know that "this is an old, old, old story. But, if you're looking for a really good story, I heard that Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe are getting a divorce." As the RS story alleges, Sheen had been using Nici's services up until last year. So either Rosenfield has absolutely no idea what the article claims, or thinks the usage of "old" three times will make last year seem just as long ago as 1954. In addition to adding a few more gossip pages into his Google Reader, Rosenfield might want to consider how prophecies he once made to the American Journalism Review have come to fruition: "Freedom of the press doesn't mean you have to be vitriolic...but [the press], in their rush to be super-competitive, gave the control to us. Any power, eventually we're going to lose it."

[Photo credit: Splash]

• SHEEN STAYED HOT FOR HOOKERS [NY Post]