The video clip above, from YouTube, is grainy, but TechCrunch's Mike Arrington assures readers it's in the final movie. I hadn't seen the film myself, unaware it touched on social networking, but Arrington writes that MySpace takes up a solid five minutes of the movie.

The treatment is brutal. Early in the clip, MySpace co-founder Tom Anderson asks Sandler if he actually uses the product. The star's reply: "No, no no. I fuck girls, Tom. I don't have time for that." When he goes on stage, the comic greets the MySpace crowd as "nerds" and then trashes their users: "They say the more friends you have on MySpace the less friends you have in real life." .

Sure, MySpace's competitors are insulted, too. But companies like Silicon Valley-based Facebook are fighting hard to avoid Hollywood; Facebook trashed Ben Mezrich's book about the company, The Accidental Billionaires, and by extension the Aaron Sorkin movie based on that book, calling it inaccurate.

But MySpace is based in Beverly Hills, close to Hollywood, and seems to have a better handle on the big picture: Being on the silver screen, in any context, means you're culturally relevant. Why not embrace the opportunity to make your virtual community a lot more real? (Via TechCrunch.)

It happened because the Emmys aren't really about "rewarding excellence" or whatever. Well, they sort of are, but not really. The Emmy people are also concerned with ratings, like the NASA guys on the space episode of The Simpsons ("These machines just measure ratings.."). So they widened all the categories, bringing in shows and actors that regular potato chip-strewn boob tubing idiots like. People like Jim Parsons from some hunk of horror called The Big Bang Theory. Other people like the Mean Guy Who Woos Andy Sachs from The Mentalist. And shows like Family Guy.

The reasoning being, what, exactly? That teenage boys who are obsessed with crude, sloppy, shamelessly Simpsons-derivative non sequitur humor will stop masturbating for two hours on a Sunday night to watch the freaking Emmys? Actually, no. No they will not. Nor will the people who were actually stupid enough to think the awards still had some sliver of meaning (Hi! I'm an idiot), because now they're just a dumb joke. We're thrilled that people like Kristen Wiig, Tracy Morgan, Aaron Paul, and Drew Barrymore got recognized for their tremendously good work this year, but really it doesn't mean much of anything, does it?

Oh God, the 10-nominee Best Picture Oscar category is going to be a doozy isn't it?

Full nominations list.

The Emmy voters should watch this, also:

Here are the nominees, via Variety:

COMEDY SERIES

"Entourage"
"Family Guy
"Flight of the Conchords"
"How I Met Your Mother"
"The Office"
"30 Rock"
"Weeds"

DRAMA SERIES

"Big Love"
"Breaking Bad"
"Damages"
"Dexter"
"House"
"Lost"
"Mad Men"

MINISERIES

"Generation Kill" (HBO)
"Little Dorrit" (PBS)

ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Alec Baldwin - "30 Rock" (NBC)
Steve Carell - "The Office" (NBC)
Jemaine Clement - "Flight Of The Conchords" (HBO)
Jim Parsons - "The Big Bang Theory" (CBS)
Tony Shalhoub - "Monk" (USA)
Charlie Sheen - "Two And A Half Men" (CBS)

ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Simon Baker - "The Mentalist" (CBS)
Gabriel Byrne - "In Treatment" (HBO)
Bryan Cranston - "Breaking Bad" (AMC)
Michael C. Hall - "Dexter" (Showtime)
Jon Hamm - "Mad Men" (AMC)
Hugh Laurie - "House" (Fox)

ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Christina Applegate - "Samantha Who?" (ABC)
Toni Collette - "United States Of Tara" (Showtime)
Tina Fey - "30 Rock" (NBC)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus - "The New Adventures Of Old Christine" (CBS)
Sarah Silverman - "The Sarah Silverman Program" (Comedy Central)
Mary-Louise Parker - "Weeds" (Showtime)

ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Glenn Close as Patty Hewes - "Damages" (FX Networks)
Sally Field - "Brothers & Sisters" (ABC)
Holly Hunter - "Saving Grace" (TNT)
Mariska Hargitay - "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (NBC)
Kyra Sedgwick - "The Closer" (TNT)
Elisabeth Moss - "Mad Men" (AMC)

MADE FOR TELEVISION MOVIE

"Coco Chanel" (Lifetime)
"Grey Gardens" (HBO)
"Into The Storm" (HBO)
"Prayers For Bobby" (Lifetime)
"Taking Chance" (HBO)

REALITY HOST

Tom Bergeron - "Dancing With The Stars" (ABC)
Phil Keoghan - "The Amazing Race" (CBS)
Heidi Klum - "Project Runway" (Bravo)
Padma Lakshmi, Tom Colicchio - "Top Chef" (Bravo)
Jeff Probst - "Survivor" (CBS)
Ryan Seacrest - "American Idol" (Fox)

ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Kevin Klien - "Cyrano de Bergerac" ("Great Performances") (PBS)
Brendan Gleeson - "Into The Storm"(HBO)
Sir Ian McKellen - "King Lear" ("Great Performances") (PBS)
Kevin Bacon - "Taking Chance" (HBO)
Kiefer Sutherland - "24: Redemption" (Fox)
Kenneth Branagh - "Wallander: One Step Behind" (PBS

ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Drew Barrymore - "Grey Gardens" (HBO)
Jessica Lange - "Grey Gardens" (HBO)
Shirley MacLaine - "Coco Chanel" (Lifetime)
Sigourney Weaver - "Prayers For Bobby" (Lifetime)
Chandra Wilson - "Accidental Friendship" (Hallmark Channel)

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY

Jon Cryer - "Two And A Half Men" (CBS)
Kevin Dillon - "Entourage" (HBO)
Neil Patrick Harris - "How I Met Your Mother" (CBS)
Jack McBrayer - "30 Rock" (NBC)
Tracy Morgan - "30 Rock" (NBC)
Rainn Wilson - "The Office" (NBC)

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA

Christian Clemenson - "Boston Legal" (ABC)
Michael Emerson - "Lost" (ABC)
William Hurt - "Damages" (FX Networks)
Aaron Paul - "Breaking Bad" (AMC)
William Shatner - "Boston Legal" (ABC)
John Slattery - "Mad Men" (AMC)

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Len Cariou - "Into The Storm" (HBO)
Tom Courtenay - "Little Dorrit" (PBS)
Ken Howard - "Grey Gardens" (HBO)
Bob Newhart - "The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice" (TNT)
Andy Serkis - "Little Dorrit" (PBS)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY

Kristin Chenoweth - "Pushing Daisies" (ABC)
Jane Krakowski - "30 Rock" (NBC)
Elizabeth Perkins - "Weeds" (Showtime)
Amy Poehler - "Saturday Night Live" (NBC)
Kristen Wiig - "Saturday Night Live" (NBC)
Vanessa Williams - "Ugly Betty" (ABC)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA

Rose Byrne - "Damages" (FX Networks)
Hope Davis - "In Treatment" (HBO)
Cherry Jones - "24" (Fox)
Sandra Oh - "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC)
Chandra Wilson - "Grey's Anatomy" (ABC)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Shohreh Aghdashloo - "House Of Saddam" (HBO)
Marcia Gay Harden - "The Courageous Heart Of Irena Sendler" (Hallmark

Hall Of Fame Presentation) (CBS)
Janet McTeer - "Into The Storm" (HBO)
Jeanne Tripplehorn - "Grey Gardens" (HBO)
Cicely Tyson - "Relative Stranger" (Hallmark Channel)

John Koblin did his heroic best to explain What It All Means: The accelerating decline of Variety, the rise of celebrity Twitters; the enduring but increasingly preposterous hope of the Los Angeles Times, the swagger of self-made blog bigfoot Nikki Finke; the "clubby" world of pre-internet Tinseltown reporting, the ambitions of upstart blogger Sharon Waxm—

"I do think it's kind of surprising that Sharon Waxman even has a blog," [former LA/NY Times reporter Anita] Busch told us. "I think she's even one of the worst journalists I've ever encountered."

Uhhh...

"Her site is getting no traffic and is inaccurate and boring..." Finke said.

OK, well, maybe we could get back to a constructive dialog about how the economic misfortunes of movie studios have maybe accelerated the decline of printed med...

[Variety's Brian] Lowry, in a blog post singling out [LA Times' Patrick] Goldstein, calls him lazy, petulant and a weak reporter. "Now you have this blog, ‘The Big Picture,' so I'm thrilled to see... you squeeze out more than 800 words a week," wrote Mr. Lowry.

Right. We'll skip right over the discussion of economic viability amid the decimation of advertising revenue in the print-to-online transition, then, and just ask if anyone else want to hurl some fecal m...

"The way [Finke] twists things and the way she always manages to bend the facts-and I put facts in quotes-is in a way that suits her..." Ms. Waxman... added. "People around Hollywood are terrified of her."

Alright, fine, bottom line: In case the example of New York wasn't clear enough, Los Angeles media also illustrate how technology and fragmentation are reviving the old tradition of feuding. As longtime Variety kingpin Peter Bart explains to Koblin, we're going back to the 1930s, when Louella Parsons competed ruthlessly with former friend Hedda Hopper to dominate Hollywood gossip. Everyone is at one another's throats.

No, the Waxman-Finke rivalry isn't exactly hot news, but the point is that more of these little squabbles are erupting all the time, if only because there are so many would-be media alpha dogs in this period of flux, before the inevitable consolidations and shakeouts that make life boring again.

Seeking a final bit of illumination on that, we excitedly emailed Koblin's piece to a media source who quickly replied, "I thought only Hollywood bloggers cared about feuds created entirely to bait traffic, but I totally forgot about the New York Observer!"

Oh, my.

Then again, what did we expect? Welcome to the future. It's kinda bitchy!

[NY Observer]

(Illustration via)

Frank Coraci had done the same bit just the night before at the Independent Spirit Awards, Page Six reminds us. Stiller was at the ceremony only via recorded video, since he was in his ill-fated Oscar rehearsals at the time, but would have had time to hear buzz about Coraci's stunt in the intervening day. Stiller kept his impersonation plans secret until he arrived at the theater Sunday, according to Page Six.

Coraci's impersonation (above, NSFW) wasn't as good, but then again he's a director, not an actor. And he was first! Plus the idea of pairing Phoenix with a ranting Christian Bale is inspired. It's not, in the end, surprising that a mainstream actor like Stiller would appropriate and reprocess the idea for a broader audience (video below): That's how his business works, and how the Oscar audience was able to enjoy some biting humor along with all the cheery musicals.

The line-cutting happened at last year's Met Costume Institute Ball, and the bitter memory is still fresh in supermodel Moss's mind. She relived the trauma at the end of a lengthy interview in this week's New York:

And the thing is, we stood in line for an hour or something to say hello to the meet and greet in the receiving line. Donatella is in front of us, and Francesco Clemente was behind us with his wife, who I knew from back in the day. And we're going, I can't believe this. You can't smoke. You can't have a drink.
When we got to the receiving line, this lady came up and said, "We're sorry, they've all gone to their tables." We were like, What? Tom and Katie just walked right up to the front, and we were like, Who the fuck are they? They're not even in fashion!

Who the fuck are they, indeed.

Moss will have everyone know she was personally invited to host this year's ball by Anna Wintour and Marc Jacobs, so she won't have to worry about missing out on the meet-n-greet, thanks to Hollywood carpetbaggers or whatever.

But let this be a lesson to all you movie industry A-listers during Fashion Week: You can spend your celebrity cachet in the fashion world, but the conversation costs will probably come back to bite you.

[via Digital Spy]

Sure, you've got Anna Faris refining dizzy drunkenness to almost molecular purity and a fearlessly multi-ethnic showcase led by Aziz Anzari's brown-dick rejoinders. That's funny, but Rogen seems to have more substantial motivations than love and duty, and higher ambitions than retail rectitude. "The world needs a fucking hero," he growls, and we believe him, if only because of the existential terror anchoring every gag here. Who'd argue? Keep your $100 million and your script-ownership issues, Paul Blart; violent, cold-blooded, pitch-black revenge is no doubt the future of mall-security cinema. [YouTube]

The Steven Klein-shot spread is entitled "One Night in Rio," and as far as we can discern, it tells the story of a newly-liberated Madonna, who's just returned home from either a funeral or eye surgery when she notices a very hunky pool boy who she lures upstairs and roofies. The perfunctory, prone cuddling that results is positively scorching!

Also, thank goodness Luz had the foresight to scrawl his identity all over his shoulder blades. Saves a lot on the cost of model comp cards!

[Photo Credit: Steven Klein/W]

• Madonna: Blame it on Rio [W]

E! brings word of Comcast's attempt to smooth out what some might deem a problem, but what we would prefer to call a pleasant (if flaccid) surprise:

In a statement, the cable giant blamed the intrusion on a fiber-optics line operated by Cox Cable and that it was launching its own probe into what it called "an isolated malicious act." Comcast also promised a $10 credit to affected subscribers.

What about us, Comcast? We've watched it, too—and that isn't even counting the damage we've surely incurred from watching Bruce Springsteen's crotch-attack while we unfortunately still had our 3-D glasses on. We will accept our ten dollars in pennies, for the purpose of shenanigans.

• Feds Planning Super Bowl Porn Probe? [E!]

Says the WOW Report's Thairin Smothers about this photo set of Balfour and friends he posted today:

I shot this in 1998, but I did not know who he was until this photo was brought to my attention by my housemates yesterday when it was laying on the kitchen table. I have always gone up to hot guys on the street and asked to take their photo. It almost like kissing them in an abstract way.

This time we are driving West on Franklin and came to a stop. I looked over out the passenger window and fell in love with that face and overalls. I held up my camera and yelled"stick em up" they did, then I said "now turn around and drop em"... and they did.

Sadly, this trend of ass-baring muggings went out of style in the late nineties. (One silver lining, though: so did the egregious overalls ensemble Balfour is seeing wearing above.)

• Who Am I? [WOW Report]

Fox originally released some NSFW-ish promo pics of Dushku this past month, but brand-new pictures that have leaked definitely put the Maxim in "This exiled-to-Friday show may only be able to hit a 1.5 rating, maximum." Perhaps some nude Nathan Fillion photoshoots could have saved Whedon's last Friday sci-fi offering, Firefly; too bad we'll never now know.

• Eliza Dushku - Dollhouse Promos x29LQ [Superior Pics]

Yes, Comcast subscribers in the fair Arizona burg were treated to a Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction in the waning moments of the game that offered a gender-reversed spin on Janet Jackson—and how. Naturally, the parents who let their children watch Bowl commercials where Danica Patrick takes a naked lesbian shower are outraged by this terrible, cup-less display of male genitals. Here at Defamer, we're notably more sanguine (hey, we deal with bare wangs—both celebrity and cerulean—for a living).
Execution: 3 Anticipation: 7

• Porn Clip Penetrates Super Bowl Broadcast [TMZ]

Enjoy this trailer for The Office - A XXX Parody, which may actually shoot in the same San Fernando Valley warehouses as the Steve Carell-toplined original. In this version (produced by New Sensations), Michael Scott is the busty, blond "Michelle," and the prolonged romantic tension between "Jim" and "Pam" is resolved when the former finally comes on the latter's face (we can already hear all the Jam fangirls squeeing in anticipation!). Greg Daniels, forget about that planned Office spinoff—we've found something even better (though we're a little afraid of the inevitable super-sizing).

• “That Is ACTUALLY What She Said”: Introducing The Office Porn [BWE]

According to a dispatch today on her blog, Port's Miami sojourn was interrupted by her own ill-preparedness and indiscretion — as contradictory an influence as we've yet heard from any canny, chronically overexposed Hills refugee, but touchingly modest and just stupid enough to earn our forgiveness:

I'm sorry if they offended anyone but I got too caught up in the sunshine and the weather that I guess I wasn't as cautious as I should have been.

Everyone knows the rough and tumble of the ocean mixed with a bathing suit — not the most attractive thing ever! So sorry for the view... very embarrassing to say the least!

All right, fine. What's your excuse, Scott Caan?

• My Miami Beach Bikini Malfunction [Whitney Port]

• whitney port is smooth [WWTDD?]

Just don't expect the class we gleaned from star Jason Statham's winning Bank Job poster, nor the style attributed to even the worst trailers to ever appear in this space. This is essentially The Transporter splattered through the prism of Jackass, sweetly saturated with the lowbrow miracles of sex, violence, nudity, language and Corey Haim's mullet. Amy Smart's nipple tape, alas, did not make the cut. Say what you will (assuming you can get through all two-and-a-half minutes), but we can't believe Josh Brolin would throw these filmmakers off his next project.

• NSFW: 'Crank 2' Movie Trailer [/film]

We won't tell you exactly how we'd planned to bring it off (only that it involved Seth in a bathrobe, STV in booty shorts, and—in an eerie coincidence—proprietary "HUFF POST" watermarks), but we can guarantee it would have had higher production values than the Playboy founder's seemingly tossed-off card, the cover of which the Huffington Post has a copy of. Though twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon are present and randomly body-painted, there is a disappointing lack of either face-kicking or holiday blasphemy. With just a little more effort, we're certain a nativity scene could have been recreated where the Shannons nurse Hef in a manger, while the Three Wise Girls Next Door approach bearing gifts of silicone, cannabis, and little purple pills.

• Hef's Christmas Card: Bodypainted Twins (PHOTO) [HuffPo]

Given the assertion that all the Bunnies get to have to sleep with Hef and get their own sex toys, we figured there was no better place to start that the Bunnies from the 70s we determined seemed most likely to choke the life out of Hef with a sex toy.

The Suspects
Star Stowe, Miss February 1977
While Stowe, in her profile, claims that she admires Hugh Hefner and thinks a great date would be "creeping around old spooky places and getting the hell scared out of you," she admits that one of her turnoffs is "When guys come on too strong and get grabby." That can't have boded well for Hef. Her dream was to become "the most radical, bisexual rock star there ever could be... [with] that pirate butch attitude."

Debra Jo Fondren, Miss September 1977
Despite the obvious guilt-by-association that comes from having a using two first names, Fondren gets less scary when you learn that she's into "bareback riding" — but she prefers "gentle" men and hates "Pushy people, opinionated people, loud people, being rushed, being told what to do," so she doesn't exactly sound right for The Mansion. She does however admit to being a fan of "trap and skeet shooting," which indicates that if she were to off Hef, she probably wouldn't do it with a sex toy.

Ashley Cox, Miss December 1977
Ashley Cox is nominated because of the fact that her picture scared me a little: She looks decidedly unhappy and freaked out to be naked. Also, her name is Cox.

Christina Smith, Miss March 1978
Christina Smith doesn't look freaked as much as she looks sort of annoyed and possibly pissed off, which, for someone with the lofty ambition of modeling in TV commercials, seems sort of out of place. While her turnoffs included "husbands" — which probably impressed Hef — and "'high class' people" — which probably did the same — but who knows how she would have felt once she's bedded him and found out that he wasn't the "decent" man of whom she was dreaming.

Kathryn Morrison, Miss May 1978
If anyone of this crew looks more like she'd shove a sex toy down Hef's throat just to watch him die, it's definitely Kathryn Morrison. She's also not so keen on "Liars and people who think and act like they know everything," which you gotta think Hef isn't the world's most honest lover.

Dorothy Mays, Miss July 1979
With dreams of glory ranging from opening up a men's salon in Maryland to having her own farm, Dorothy Mays is a little bit all over the map, as her sexy-but-I-will-cut-you pose indicates. Her turnoffs include "Jealousy, materialistic people, poor organization," which described Hef to a T, so it's safe to say that didn't end well.

The Weapons
The criteria for this category included objects that can be inserted into the mouth far enough to block respiration if the nose is similarly plugged and could or would be used by women. Thus, we did not include monster dildos or male masturbatory aids. If you know of ways those could be used to choke people, please never tell us.

Ben Wa Balls
Definitely a choking hazard for toddlers, Hef additionally seems like the type of guy who would gladly lick them clean and, if one didn't keep hold of the string, there'd be trouble.

Butt Plug
Gross, I know, but I've seen enough anal-to-oral sex porn to know that some people get off on sucking dick that has only recently been removed from someone else's asshole. I guarantee Hef has tried this at least once and, given a little pressure and a wide enough plug, you could definitely choke someone with a butt plug.
Anal Beads
If you can shove them up your ass, you can shove them down someone's throat. Enough said.

Bullet Vibrator
Pretty much everything I said about Ben Wa balls, but with the addition of mechanical vibration which would have to hurt the back of your throat.

Jiggly Dildo
Plug someone's nose and face fuck them with this ("Oh, how do you like it, Hef? Huh? Can't talk, huh? Not so much fun, huh?") and you'll have a dead face-fuckee.

Ball Gag
It is designed to gag you. If it was just a little too small and fell off the harness, it could do some damage.

The Sites
Since Hef doesn't seem to fuck anywhere but his own place, it seems like he'd have to be killed there. The most likely locations were be: the Grotto, the Library, his bedroom, his bathroom, the Playmate's room, and the left wing of the game house (which reportedly consists entirely of a padded floor and a television)

The Verdict
Well, that's up to you! Was it Debra Jo in the grotto with a dildo? Ashley Cox in the library with the anal beads? Kathryn Morrison in the game house with the ben wa balls? Play your own game of Clue in the comments!

Barging into the House of Bunny! [Extra]

Related: Naked Ambition [Radar]
Star Stowe [Playboy]
Debra Jo Fondren [Playboy]
Ashley Cox [Playboy]
Christina Smith [Playboy]
Kathryn Morrison [Playboy]
Dorothy Mays [Playboy]
The Playboy Mansion [Wikipedia]

It quickly dawned on us that another recent work that has been stirring up much debate and excitement in the world of celebrity-nutsack art is in fact a direct homage to a highly recognizable sculptural masterpiece celebrating the male nude.

Consider the evidence:

• Previously: Scott Caan Gives Defamer Commenter a NSFW Christmas Present [Defamer]

The telefoto lens-equipped shutterbugs were in place to snap Caan changing clothes after a day of surfing (just before rainstorms dampened California's sunny December buzz). Though we'd tell you more about the simply outrageous invasion of privacy, we have a feeling that at this point in your scroll-down, text is just a blurry nuisance outside your peripheral vision.

[Photo Credit: X17]

• Caan You Believe It? [X17]

The site OceanUP has published pictures of both stars accommodating a fan in what appears to be a very unlikely location: a sex shop. Never did we think that leaked Zac Efron dildo pictures would emerge in quite this way! Here at Defamer's West Coast branch, we've put our innocent minds on the line to ID all the sex paraphernalia the Disney stars have been photographed with (trust us, the downright filthy NYC office would have had everything diagnosed and purchased online within five minutes). Won't you help us out?

• Zac Efron Vanessa Hudgens SEX Store [OceanUp]