Shyamalan ... recalls two years ago when he was in Spain on a promotional tour for Lady in the Water and someone asked him what his next project would be. "I said it is going to be a 90-minute paranoia movie, and that is what it ended up being," he says. ...

"It has a road-movie-ish feeling to it," says Shyamalan, who stays mum about what his traditional cameo appearance will be in this film. Perhaps the biggest influence on The Happening, which 20th Century Fox releases June 13, was the 1956 version of the classic horror film Invasion of the Body Snatchers, he says, "in the sense that people are trying to get out of an area that is affected and the people who are trying to get out have a better understanding of what's going on than the general group and they are not being heard. Is there a mass hysteria thing going on or is there something deeper?"

At 90 minutes, we'll just presume it's "mass hysteria," but we digress. Nothing gets us hotter in a Shyamalan preview than deducing the filmmaker's cameo; our best guess has him showing up as the president at the end of the first act, imploring calm in his silky alto and deflecting blame for the "happening" itself on terrorists whose names rhyme uncannily with those of execs at Disney and Warner Bros: "Osama bina Lacobson will pay at a time of our choosing..." Or not. You have a better idea?

• M. Night Shyamalan: A 6th sense for suspense [LAT]

THE lesbians of Hollywood seem to be multiplying as they come out of the closet. "Call them the Rubyfruit Mafia," W magazine says in its latest issue. Movie producer Nina Jacobson said she didn't know of one other openly lesbian executive in Los Angeles in the early '90s when she told a colleague at Universal Studios, "I actually am not straight."

Jacobson, who now has three children with her lesbian partner, said, "It was certainly an acceptable choice to be closeted then. Now, in Hollywood, it would be a little pathetic. You would only look afraid." W reporter Kevin West also names HBO's head of programming Carolyn Strauss, Fox 2000 executive v.p. of production Carla Hacken, Sundance Institute's Cynthia Wornham, and "The L Word" creator Ilene Chaiken. Chaiken succeeded in pitching the series to Showtime's development executive Mark Zakarin after describing the characters, their relationships and some of the "arcane sociology of lesbian life, like the hotly debated question of whether you have to buy a new dildo when you get a new girlfriend."

While the piece will surely raise the Rubyfruit Mafia's profile in mainstream Hollywood, the Sapphic gang should further consolidate its power with a more dramatic demonstration of its potency. Perhaps it's time that Nina Jacobson, defying a direct order from gay-mob boss David Geffen, to finally put out that long-delayed hit on Disney chairman Dick Cook, serving an ice-cold dish of revenge for his delivery-room firing of Jacobson while her partner was giving birth. Such a chilling revenge-slaying would certainly deliver the message that fucking with any made member of the Rubyfruit Family carries severe consequences.

• H'WOOD LESBIANS OUT AND PROUD [Page Six]

Let us once again sing the praises of YouTube, continuous font of unexpectedly riveting video goodies. We just stumbled across this video blog interview with just-fired Buena Vista head Nina Jacobson that was posted yesterday, but obviously conducted before the tragic events of last Wednesday—and which, improbably, includes a discussion of firings from earlier in her career. Take a disorienting two minutes to watch the video, during which you'll feel as if you've hopped in a time machine that travels only about a week into the past, to a more innocent, happier time in which studio executives don't get whacked in the delivery room.

• Advice for Hollywood from President of Walt Disney Pictures [YouTube]

As we all recently learned in the immediate aftermath of Star Jones' self-immolation on/dismissal from The View, any entertainment corporation's abrupt firing of a high-profile employee must include a plan to remove all traces of the prejudicially shitcanned from their website, lest the stench of incompletion linger around an otherwise well-executed termination. Either Disney's soon-to-be very busy personnel reduction department hasn't yet gotten around to taking down Nina Jacobson's corporate bio, or they've already let go the guy who was supposed to take care of finishing the the dirty job started with that now-infamous delivery room phonecall.
· A live-action version of Donkey Kong would also not be a bad idea.
· With all due credit to our pal Will at Deadspin and the other friend who supplied this line: You're not with me, Leatherman.
· Yesterday, we learned the rule about not asking a showrunner about his Klum-stalking past; today THR's Ray Richmond teaches us the other rules of working the TCA tour.

[Photos: Getty Images]

• Disney Kicks Off Cast Member Massacre With Jacobson Beheading [Defamer]

Easily trumping Paramount house-cleaner Brad Grey's Christmastime hit of 33-year studio veteran Wayne Llewellen as he vacationed in South Africa, Disney chairman Dick Cook takes his place in recent cold-blooded layoff lore with yesterday's badly timed dispatching of Walt Disney Motion Pictures Group President Nina Jacobson, who found out she was losing her job in between her partner's contractions. Reports the LAT:

Jacobson, 40, one of Hollywood's most respected movie executives, was fired Monday morning by her boss, studio Chairman Dick Cook, when she called him from the hospital room where her partner was about to deliver their third child. Despite the record-breaking performance of Disney's current release, "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest," she was hearing rumors and wanted reassurance that her job was safe. It wasn't. [...]

Cook called Jacobson a "good friend, great colleague and tireless worker." Acknowledging that the timing was bad, Cook said, "I begged to see her face to face and she wanted to talk to me right then. This was not what anybody wanted."

In the absence of all the facts, we'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that this was not how Cook wanted to whack his onetime good friend/great former colleague/tirelesss ex-worker. If Jacobson did indeed force his hand while on the phone, their unexpectedly career-related conversation may have made the huge, Mickey Mouse-shaped flower arrangement he'd planned on sending to the hospital room with a heartfelt note reading,"Congratulations on your latest bundle of joy! Let's meet tomorrow and discuss your immediate promotion to stay-at-home mom!" seem redundantly cruel.

• Disney Fires Film Production President [LAT]
• Disney Kicks Off Cast Member Massacre With Jacobson Beheading [Defamer]

It seems that Disney wasn't fucking around when it announced its intentions to keel-haul a chunk of its workforce while they were still lightheaded from the champagne they'd been chugging to celebrate Pirates of Caribbean 2's record-breaking opening weekend, as the Mouse Slaughterhouse broke the ice on its coming employee bloodbath by offing one of its highest profile cast members this afternoon, now-former Buena Vista head Nina Jacobson. (You no doubt remember Jacobson as the callous creative exec who crushed M. Night Shyamalan's fairytale dreams and tried to starve his script-delivering assistant to death on a diet of low-carb soup.)

We will leave the explanation for the move to the soaring, heartfelt poetry of Disney's press release on the matter (are there any more bittersweet words in the publicist language than "DISNEY BRANDED OUTPUT STRATEGY"? No, there are not.) , presented in full after the jump. But should you find yourself not emotionally ready for that, we suggest you meditate on the placid image of Jacobson and her eventual executioner, Disney Studios chairman Dick Cook, in far, far happier times.

THE WALT DISNEY STUDIOS MOVES TO INCREASE ITS DISNEY BRANDED OUTPUT STRATEGY

Studio Business Units Restructure to Reflect This Renewed Focus and

New Global Organization

Key Executive Appointments Announced

Dick Cook, chairman, The Walt Disney Studios, announced today a strategic shift toward more Disney branded movies. The studio will produce and distribute approximately 10 Disney live-action and animated films a year and two to three Touchstone films a year.

In making the announcement, Cook said, "Disney is the #1 name in filmed entertainment around the world. It's the name on the door, it's what we do best, and when we do it right, not only do moviegoers of all ages benefit from the finest in quality entertainment, but it lifts the entire company as well. The depth and breadth of great Disney movies range from Pirates of the Caribbean to Cars to The Chronicles of Narnia, and we look to expand our global reach even more."

To accomplish this objective, Cook has tapped Oren Aviv as president of Production, Walt Disney Pictures. Aviv will oversee the live-action development and film production for the Studios.

"Oren is an amazing talent and has been a key player in reshaping our Disney films with many, many successes," continued Cook. "In fact, National Treasure was a winning, original idea which he conceived and realized on film. In his new role, we look forward to capitalizing on his great taste as well as his creative vision."

"Nina Jacobson [president, Walt Disney Motion Pictures Group] will be leaving the company, and while she will certainly be missed, we greatly appreciate her many contributions and wish her well," said Cook.

In another strategic move, The Walt Disney Studios has restructured several of its business units under two global organizations - Buena Vista Worldwide Marketing and Distribution, and Buena Vista Worldwide Home Entertainment. Mark Zoradi has been appointed president, Walt Disney Motion Pictures Group and will oversee the distribution and marketing of all Disney and Touchstone Pictures films worldwide. Robert Chapek has been named president, Buena Vista Worldwide Home Entertainment, and will oversee the worldwide distribution and marketing of all the Studio's films on Home Entertainment platforms.

"The consolidation of global marketing and distribution is extremely important as we continue to adapt to the vastly changing world. To lead this charge we have the best team in place with Mark and Bob," said Cook. "Mark is a consummate professional who along with his team has had unprecedented success in the international marketplace with 12 consecutive years surpassing the $1 billion dollar mark. No other distributor has crossed this performance threshold. Bob is an innovator in every sense of the word and has helped our studio achieve countless DVD successes, and that leadership will translate well into his new global responsibilities."

Another executive appointment will include Jim Gallagher as president of Marketing for Buena Vista Pictures Marketing.

Cook stated, "Jim is as smart as they come and has great taste and creative instincts, not to mention an incredible sense of humor. I'm thrilled he has taken on this very important role."

With this new global infrastructure in place the Studio is expected to reduce its work force by approximately 650 positions worldwide. "Cutbacks such as these are difficult on so many levels, and we will do everything in our power to make the transition as smooth as possible," said Cook.

Walt Disney Feature Animation, Pixar Studios, Miramax Films (led by Daniel Battsek), Buena Vista Music Group and Buena Vista Theatrical Productions will not be affected by this reorganization.

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Mouse house cleaning [Variety]
• Jacobson out atop Disney film division [THR]
• Jacobson Removed as Disney Production Chief [LAT]

Consider the story of Paula, who was Night's assistant when he was ready to spring his "Lady in the Water" screenplay upon the Walt Disney Company. Among Paula's virtues were the ability to make hot chocolate exactly the way Night likes it and to fly cross-country without going to the bathroom. The screenplay was far too important to be left unattended. [...]

But back to Paula: in a story that will live in legend, Mr. Bamberger reveals how she was not welcomed with sufficient deference at the home of the powerful Disney executive Nina Jacobson. Ms. Jacobson is blasted for having taken her son to a birthday party instead of dedicating her Sunday to Night's precise timetable for script-reading. "What could Nina be doing that's more important than getting Night's new script?" Mr. Bamberger asks. (The italics are his.) Then the coup de grâce: Paula was offered "low-carb soup from the refrigerator." The implications are clear: it may have come from a can.

It is one thing to risk offending your high-paid director by relentlessly questioning his vision over dinner, but entirely another to disrespect his trusty Gal Friday with a canned, carb-reduced repast. Once we stop soiling ourselves from outrage, we ask that you join us in delivering ten thousand cans of soup to Jacobson's office to protest this egregious assistant-rights violation.

• Snubbed by Disney, What's Shyamalan to Do? Walk (and Diss) [NY Times]
• Previously: M. Night Shyamalan Presents The Valentine's Day Massacre [Defamer]