I don't know whether it was because I was tired and cranky or because of another "here's some money, go to Mood and buy fabric and make something" challenge, but my Project Runway malaise settled in something fierce last night. And not something fierce like Christian Siriano would have cranked out. Something fierce and evil like one of Nicolas' outfits or Irinia's attitude.

This week, it was Ms. Michael Kors, Queen Tangerine herself, giving the designers something easy to do. That is, buy some fabric and make an outfit inspired by one of the places he loves. It's sad that they were all cities and not things like "The Mystic Tan Booth" and "The Bathroom of Debra Messing's Guest Cottage in the Hamptons," because that might have been challenging. Instead it was places like Greece—yes, the whole entire country—or St. Tropez and a bunch of other places these young, poor, struggling whippersnappers have never been to. Just like a long plane flight, I just want someone to wake me when it's over.

Things We Hated:

• Ms. Kors Flagship Store: Has this man never met a shade of ecru that he doesn't like? He's certainly worn plenty on his face, but he looked shockingly pale last night. Maybe it was just the bad lighting in his all-white store. We wouldn't shop there.
• Gordana's Outfit: Why was she wearing a Pucci-style print dress over a poorly fitting brown sweater? Both were horrible and they didn't look that much better together. It's like she woke up and decided, "I need to look trendy and cool like these kids. What can I throw together?" Better to look old, dowdy, and mother-of-the-bride (to quote Ms. Kors) than to wear this hideous concoction again.
• "Fashion Forward": Next to "Old Hollywood Glamour" this is a phrase always foreshadows something that makes us want to burn our eyelids shut forever. Nicolas used it last night and what he created was neither fashion, nor forward. "Fashion Forward" is like begining a sentence with "but" or "and." It's hard to pull it off, so you just tell first graders not to do it because if they try, they're going to mess it all up. Galliano is fashion forward. McQueen is fashion forward. Garreth Pugh is fashion forward. The rest of you are a bunch of first graders.
• Boys Room and Girls Room: Why do they insist on the boys and the girls sleeping in different apartments? It's like this is '70s sleep away camp. Are they afraid that Logan, Christopher, and Fat Kurt Cobain are going to get in a canoe and row across the lake in the middle of the night to steal Gordana's granny panties? There would be a whole lot more drama if everyone lived in the same loft. It's not like these gay boys are going to try to sleep with the girls. And even if Logan made a move on Carol Hannah, that would be the most exciting thing to happen since Tranny Meth had a breakdown in the first episode.
• Gordana's Necklace: Yeah, it was kind of cool, but this is not Project Jewelry Showroom, and the dress it was attached to sucked. If you can't use the Macy's Great Accessory Wall of Made In China, then you don't get to make jewelry.
• Milla Jovovich: This season the guest judge spot has been the best seat in the house, but last night Milla Jovovich sullied it with her shrill voice, annoying comments, and her affected fashion knowledge. Heidi said that she was a CFDA-nominated designer. Well, she was nominated in 2006 for a line she co-designed with Carmen Hawk. Her label, the creatively titled Jovovich-Hawk, hasn't had a new collection since Spring '08. So, stop thinking you're a real designer, Milla. You are on this show because you work for L'oreal, not because of your hippie frocks. Your job here is to nod your head, say two bitchy things, have no real observations, and leave the real assessment to Ms. Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine.

Things We Loved:

• Reunited and It Feels Kinda Alright: Ms. Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine were together again for the first time since the Ice Age, and it was very nice. There were no real fireworks or histrionics from either, but it was so comforting to have everything back to normal. It's like coming home for Thanksgiving freshman year of college and getting a big hug from your mom.
• My Mom: Speaking of my mom, she always says, "Michael Kors can't be that great of a designer. Whenever I go to TJ Maxx, they always have a ton of his crap!" That's so true. And we thought about that a lot last night, during the "Michael Kors Race to the Discount Racks Challenge."
• Logan Didn't Channel "Old Hollywood Glamor": Our old crush Logan pulled Hollywood as his inspiration destination, and he didn't even once think about going "OHG." His crappy outfit looked like something he fished out of his own closet, but bravo on the restraint.
• "I Guess You Could Wear It In Greece": This what Nicolas said about his outfit, which was supposed to be inspired by the cradle of civilization. It turned out to be about as Grecian as a bus tour of Turkey. Yes, it was a real turkey, but we love his blatant disregard for a really stupid challenge.
• Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine Has Been Hanging Out With Drag Queens: She said the word "fantasy" three times last night. She never used to say this before. Fashion people don't use this word. Know who does? Drag queens! They love to conjure "the fantasy." During all those episodes she missed, NGFDMCM must have been hanging out at La Cage Aux Folles, and that is pretty rad.

In the end, Nicolas was sent home for his ode to a Grecian urn that looked like a mummy was attacked by a pair of discount Michael Kors pants from TJ Maxx. He really deserved to go home. As did Christopher. And probably Logan. If we're sending people packing, might as well put Gordana, Irina, Carol Hannah, and Althea on the kicked off express too. Not one of these outfits deserved to win. None of them was stunning or particularly inventive or attractive. I don't know if these guys aren't as talented as designers in other seasons, if they are under worse time constraints, if they're sad because they never know if Papa Kors and Mama NGFDMCM are going to show up to rescue them from sleep away camp—but whatever the reason is, they suck. At least when all the designers sucked last season we had Evil Queen Kenley to bring some drama, but this time we got two giggly blondes, two bitches, two clueless boys, and Gargamel. Not compelling television.

Oh, Irina won. Again.

Before we give up on this enterprise altogether (and really, we never would, because talking about how much Runway sucks is a whole lot more fun than talking about how much we love some other show), let's take a look at the videos and try to find some redemption, shall we?

Contents Under Pressure
Context: Crystopher (because he always crys!) and Fat Kurt Cobain are all in a tizzy because they have to design for Queen Tangerine. They will end up in the bottom two.
Vision: To come up with a dress that is going to wow a great American designer and doing it with a belt and some blouse that looks like a white venus flytrap eating a model.
Delusion: That Michael Kors is some great man who doesn't design exclusively for TJ Maxx.
What Would Nina Say?: "Sorry, Michael, but this is not the fantasy you were hoping for."
Dramometer: 2

Under the Gunn
Context: Tim Gunn tries to guide the once-promising Christopher to keep him from making another horrible creation. Tim tries so hard, but once he gives up, we shall all crumble beneath him.
Vision: To make a really cool belt that Milla Jovovich will go back to 1983 to buy and rip off.
Delusion: That this is Project Belt Shop. Make a good dress or go home. Epperson would gladly take over for you, and we would gladly welcome him back.
What Would Nina Say?: "This isn't a fantasy. It's a nightmare!"
Dramometer: 4

We're Friends. Really.
Context: The producers make everyone hang out so that something compelling might happen. All they really get is some footage to run under Fat Kurt Cobain talking about how much he loves everyone.
Vision: Nicholas believes that they are all friends and really talented.
Delusion: He's been talking shit about these people all season and saying how much they suck. They hate you, Kurt! You people are not friends. And you're not talented. Everything you say is a lie.
What Would Nina Say?: "Do you believe your own fantasy?"
Dramometer: 3

Runway Arrogance
Context: Carol Hannah watches her Palm Beach-inspired maxi dress walk down the runway.
Vision: To create a summery print dress that rich people will want to wear to the beach.
Delusion: It's nice, but not groundbreaking.
What Would Nina Say?: "For a minute, I was fantasizing that a hot blond guy named Pierre was bringing me an Orangina and vodka on the beach."
Dramometer: 3

Long Live the Queen
Context: While harshing on Logan's latest mediocre creation, Queen Tangerine hits the nail on the head. "They're clothes, they're not fashion." Welcome to season six, people.
Vision: Logan thinks he deserves to be designing for someone other than H&M. Also, zippers.
Delusion: Based on this showing, he's wrong. Also, zippers?!
What Would Nina Say?: "If you think I'm not going to strangle Milla, then you have a serious case of fantasy."
Dramometer: 5

The Cruelty of the World as Illustrated by Models of the Runway

Ugh, don't even get us started on Ms. Kors and Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine. They are the laziest people on all of reality television and that includes the dolts on Big Brother who have nothing to do but lie around in a house for three months and pick stupid fights with each other. Instead, let us focus on the positive, because last night was the second good episode in a row! We've finally gotten to the point where most of the dead weight is gone and there is time to learn about the designers and who they are and how they work.

The producers also came up with another good challenge, even though it was of the "go to Mood and buy the fabric" variety, at least everyone had to work within a movie genre. Designers had to make an outfit for a character in an imaginary film and come up with a silly story for who their character was. Considering a noted fashion designer once told us that the inspiration for his collection that season was "a bohemian girl's aristocratic grandmother dies and she goes to the estate house she just inherited and throws a huge part for all her friends," this could come in handy in the real world.

Things We Hated:

• The Fucking Judges: OK, now we're getting started. Ms. Kors and NGFDMCM didn't show up again. This is Nina's third consecutive absence and Ms. Kors has been gone since the fourth episode of season three. Here is why this is pissing me off this week. All Runway fans were a little wary of this season, on a new network and by new producers. We were talking about how it was going to suck and how it would be all different before the season even aired. We needed our bitchy guides to help us navigate our way through the storm. And where are they? They're not here! We are adrift. And if the people who work for this show can't be bothered to show up for it, then why the hell should we? Let's just give up like Queen Tangerine and his bitchy lady in waiting. We can always watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta instead and Nene wouldn't give up being on camera for a whole mountain of leprechaun's gold.
• Vice Principal Glassner: I did not have to look up Zoe Glassner's name or how to spell it this week. That annoyed me. Also, she is boring. Same goes for John Varvatos, who is supposed to be the rock 'n' roll designer, but he was more like an ambient trance remix of an Air Supply song.
• Fat Kurt Cobain: Nicolas is slimy. He is gross and slimy and he talks shit about the other contestants. We usually love that, but when he does it, it sort of feels like he's the shifty guy in prison who thinks he's so much better than everyone even though his fat face and limp hair look just as bad in an orange jumpsuit.
• Collier Strong: Every year the makeup man comes to work his wonders. We do not like him because he is neither crazy nor mean. If you can't be one of these, then you must go back to civilian life and leave reality TV alone. Also, he looks like a gay John Locke from Lost.
• Carol Hannah: Bitch, you better step the fuck off my man. I swear to God, I will steal all your bobbins and make your life a living hell. And while you're at it, pick a name. You only get one. Just ask Epperson.
• Liking Straight People: Call it homosexual bias or what you will, but I always root for the gay people to win reality shows. Usually they lose, cause there is only one or two, but on Runway there is a fighting chance they could win, since every contestant with a penis has had another man's in his hand at some point. This year, the straight guys are far better than the gays. I am in lust with Logan, who is an adequate designer with a slamming body. Epperson is wise like a black fashion Merlin when they don't put him on mute. I'm starting to think that Christopher is straight too, because it is not physically possible for a God-fearing homosexual to shave a chin strap onto his face. My ex-boyfriend tried once and some reflex on the gay gene kicked in and made him slit his throat instead. Now he is dead.

Things We Loved:

• Heidi's Blue Dress: Usually Heidi dresses like shit and is pregnant, so we don't pay much attention to her. Last night when she introduced the challenge she had on this awesome formfitting navy dress that blew us away. Way to dress, Heidi. Since you're the only judge at least we know you have some fashion credibility.
• The Guest Judge: Following in the footsteps of that bitchy lady who tried to steal Logan and Eva Longoria-Parker, costume designer Arianne Phillips was a revelation last night. She was knowledgeable, fair, and gave an honest appraisal of how the costumes would actually work in a movie. Sarah Jessica Parker must have farted in that chair, cause everyone who has been in it this season has worn her stink well.
• Old Hollywood Glamour: No one used the most cliched and meaningless of all fashion phrases! In a challenge about the movies! The restraint is amazing.
• Christopher: He turns it out every week. This week's creation was another stunner. And he's cute. If he shaved his face, we'd even let Carol Hannah have Logan and run away with him and have a Vampire wedding in Massachusetts or Bon Temps where such things are legal.
• DVR: Watching the Lifetime version of Runway without its lady vitamin and pee stick commercials was a wonderful blessing. But now we can't pick on their crappy commercials!

So, in the end, it was Ra'Mon and his superfluous apostrophe that got sent home. We were a little shocked. We thought Kenly Jr.'s bangs were going to have to get back in her time machine and travel back to the era that she designs from, but she was spared to accuse people of stealing her bobbins another day. Even her boring time warp weren't as bad as Ra'Mon's sci-fi outfit that looked like a stupid sorority girl trying to rock a Sexy Sleestak (Skeezestak?) costume for Halloween.

Fat Kurt was the winner, and we can't disagree, though we would have given the title to either Christopher, whose crazy vampire bride inspired period costume was amazing in its ruffled majesty. Epperson made the most of getting stuck with the Western category and made this awesome ruffley denim thing with a big brown belt that looked like it could have won an Oscar for Renee Zellweger in Cold Mountain. We say this every week, but Our Girl Althea's simple film noir number with a cute white shrug made us want to rent Double Indemnity. Irina did a great job on her lacy gown that made us notice how hot a model's ass was. Now that is a miracle.

To inspect some other little miracles and watch Ra'Mon's slide into Skeezstak shame, to the videos.....

Give Me, Give Me Back My Man
Context: Carol Hannah and her 17 names are trying to steal Logan.
Vision: That we are going down without a fight.
Delusion: Sorry, sweetie, but Logan is a monogamist. He is not going to have a threeway with both Carol and Hannah.
What Would Vice Principal Glassner Say: "I wrote down, 'Don't mess with him.'"
Dramometer: 3

Under the Gunn
Context: Ra'Mon wants to make a crazy lizard jumpsuit, and Tim Gunn lets him know that it's going to be a big fat mess. Or beautiful. Maybe.
Vision: That it will be beautiful.
Delusion: A green leather jumpsuit? Come on. Winning with a jumpsuit on Project Runway is like winning with a deep-fried turd ceviche on Top Chef.
What Would Vice Principal Glassner Say: "I wrote down, 'I don't like green.'"
Dramometer: 4

Meltdown of the Week
Context: Ra'Mon finally figures out that his jumpsuit is a delusional idea and that he only has two hours to make something that won't get him laughed out of this dimension.
Vision: That he can make something great in two hours and repeat his upset victory when he pulled that gored squid outfit out of his ass in the surf challenge. Remember that bitchy judge with the crazy accent who got fired from Elle really liked it. What was her name?
Delusion: That the Skeezstak is any better.
What Would Vice Principal Glassner Say: "I wrote down, 'I'd rather eat a fried turd ceviche.'"
Dramometer: 6

Runway Arrogance
Context: Christopher watches his sexy Van Helsing creation saunter down the runway.
Vision: Merchant/Ivory does Twilight. Brilliant.
Delusion: That he will actually beat Fat Kurt's feathered icicle.
What Would Vice Principal Glassner Say: "I wrote down, 'Almost good enough to win.'"
Dramometer: 3

Back Talk
Context: Louise tries to explain her limp dress. Then she says that she's glad that she's in either the top or the bottom because this is the first feedback she's gotten.
Vision: The '20s by the way of the '40s? Does she realize how retarded she sounds? Also, that something that these sad replacements have to say will actually save her. Well, maybe it does.
Delusion: Oh, Kenley Jr. Feedback isn't going to save you. Maybe having a better vision will.
What Would Vice Principal Glassner Say: "I wrote down, 'Keep poisoning Nina's coffee so I can continue to be on TV.'"
Dramometer: 4

The Cruelty of Life as Chronicled on Models of the Runway

Well, you can expect pretty much the same. Heidi will speak with her telephone operator of doom voice, Tim Gunn will gather the kids around, fashion dominatrix Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Elle Marie Claire magazine will say something bitchy, and Michael Kors will cackle his little cackle and all the children will run and hide.

Of course, they are now in L.A. at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising instead of Parsons and there's a new magazine sponsor (way to get fired, Nina!), but they will still shop at Mood and send the models to that palace of beauty, the L'Oreal Paris Makeup Room. Oh, and let us not forget about the All-Star Challenge before the premiere with all of your favorite returning contestants, and the new show Models of the Runway which follows the runway drones do something other than show off the designs. Just what, we're still not sure.

The only variable is always the contestants, who we'll all probably hate tomorrow, except for the ones we love, and we will hate them by the middle of next week.

Speaking of contestants, the finalists' collections were already shown at Fashion Week last February, so the whole world has already seen them (and you can too). There are only three, which means there is no fourth collection to throw off the dogs about who is in and who is out, or in a cruel twist of fate, there are only two finalists and Lifetime has outsmarted us all. We have a hard time believing that.

So, we peeped the looks and compared them to the designer's portfolio's on the show's site and we think we have sussed out just who we're going to be stuck with until the skinny lady sings.

Collection 1: Lots of knits and black pants and leggings. Zero color. There's a bit of inventive draping, but there are also those stupid little gloves that don't even go to the wrist. It belongs to:

Logan Neitzel, lover of John Galliano. He uses the same shiny fabrics, muted colors and over-sized flourishes. Plus, he looks like the kind of boy who would love those stupid gloves.

Collection 2: Lots of draping without a bow, flounce, belt, or asymetrical doo-dad over one shoulder that it doesn't like. It belongs to:

Viviane Westwood wannabe Althea Harper, who uses just as much embellishment and loves something over only one shoulder. Just look at the picture.

Collection 3: It is black like the tortured heart of a poet. There are lots of pants and shredded things. Oh, and stupid hats. It belongs to:

Irinia Shabayeva, who channels Jean Paul Gaultier. She also loves black, and pants and crazy-shaped pants. Though, she does look too fabulous for those hats.

· Heart's Nancy Wilson has taken umbrage at the use of their band's song "Barracuda" to introduce Palin at the RNC (Palin earned the nickname "Barracuda" during her high school basketball days). "I think it's completely unfair to be so misrepresented," she said to EW. "I feel completely fucked over."

· Diddy has much warmer feelings toward the vice presidential candidate, though they're expressed in equally blue terms. "You did your thing," he said on his Diddy Blog after watching Palin's RNC speech. "You gave a speech that pretty much shut me the fuck up."

· "The idea that people who voted for Hillary, who tend to be Democrats, would change and vote for McCain because of Sarah Palin seems to me bizarre," said actress Annette Bening while on promotional duties for The Women. "I find that an odd idea because of course Sarah Palin's politics are to the right of McCain's. She's incredibly conservative and I think it's fair to say she's more conservative than John McCain. So whether she will rally more conservative people to get out there and vote, I don't know. But most of the people I know that were interested in voting for Hillary are voting for Obama."

· Project Runway judge Nina Garcia thinks Palin could use a makeover. ""She has promise," Garcia told Us. "She just needs to lose those glasses. Get them lasered or something."

· Frequent VH1 talking head Simon Doonan disagreed, positing that you can take the glasses away from the moosehunter, but you can't take the moosehunter away from the glasses shop. “Oh, she is so LensCrafters I just don’t even know where to begin," he told New York. "People keep saying to me, ‘She’s Miss Congeniality.’ I’m seeing more LensCrafters."

• Project Runway [Bravo]

It's not exactly "Everyone's on pins and needles!", is it?

• Project Runway [Bravo]