"My aunt had two babies in her arms, and she told my aunt, 'You can leave. You can go away,'" Bianca recalls. "I was really upset by that because my aunt and I are close."

When Bianca spoke up, Nikki turned to her and said, "'You need to mind your business. You don't know what’s going on.' She went off," the model says. "There was a lot of words exchanged. I got really defensive." [...]

"Before my mom could walk away from us, her father ... punched my mom," Bianca tells Banks. "He knocked her out. He hit my mom with such force she stumbled back, and when she stumbled back, the whole family got up and attacked my mom."

Bianca said Nikki then kicked her mother in the crotch.

"That's when my mom fell ... completely," Bianca says. "Both the families were arguing. It was like a scene out of a movie. Airport security finally came and separated everybody."

All the while, Bianca claims the Blonsky family were spewing racial epithets at them. "Her father and mother started saying, ‘They got rabies, they got rabies!'" says Bianca.

Again, the truth will come out in a laid-back Turks and Caicos court, probably one of those seaside numbers with a bartender named Pilar and stacks of complimentary towels. But even if Ma and Pa Blonsky were misheard attributing "rabies" instead of "babies" to Golden's aunt, we're fairly confident that a kick in our mom's vagina is not the kind of thing we're going to forget — especially when Mom reportedly goes to the hospital with "a broken nose, fractured skull and internal bleeding." There are any number of ways of interpreting it, of course — you can take the girl out of the Coldstone, but you can't take the stone-cold out of the girl, etc. etc. — but if we can't get these clans a deal to reboot Family Feud the way it was meant to be seen this millennium, then really, there are no winners here.

• Top Model Contestant: How Nikki Blonsky's Family Attacked Me [US]

Director-choreographer Adam Shankman and songwriters Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman are slated to return. The original cast is a question mark, however, as Nikki Blonsky, Queen Latifah, Christopher Walken, Michelle Pfeiffer and a frocked, fat-suited John Travolta (among others) didn't have sequel options. But while hardly incidental, such details seem secondary to a far more important question: When has a film musical's sequel ever been a hit?

Shankman alludes to as much in an interview today with Variety, citing only the success of High School Musical as a musical franchise that worked. Of course it's a nonsensical analogy; despite the films' common Zac Efron denominator, tweens aren't going to break the sound barrier racing off to Hairspray 2. Pfeiffer has history here, too, as the female lead in another sequel that famously fizzled, Grease 2. Moreover, what would Hairspray 2 even be about? Velma Von Tussle's Aryan revenge? Tracy Turnblad goes off to Johns Hopkins, discovers acid and founds Beehives Against the Vietnam War? Or, better yet, drops out of school and stars in early John Waters films?

No, really. We're asking. The possibilities are endless, yet we know there's only one right idea — and with history as our guide, it might be to skip the idea altogether.

• New Line asks for more 'Hairspray' [Variety]