WHAT'S NEW: This is the week we've been waiting for since May, when Disney ignored our urgent plea to immediately release Beverly Hills Chihuahua from its high-camp captivity. And now that it's here, we're kind of over it; blame it on last month's chihuahua-only sneak preview. Not like the sadists at Disney need us: BHC is this week's only new family release and will do business accordingly, setting up for around $32.3 million over the three-day. The Michael Cera/Kat Dennings effort Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist will ride teens and the date crowd to about $17 million, which still won't be enough to overtake Eagle Eye for second place. Nothing else will break $10 million; Greg Kinnear's windshield-wiper biopic (!) Flash of Genius is on too few screens, Julianne Moore's dodgy drama Blindness will fall victim to the angry blind lobby, and Ed Harris's expanding Western Appaloosa couldn't find traction when it was on 1,000 screens, let alone 2,000.

Most of the remaining release slate looks like a gang of orphans hassling tourists for change: Jia Zhangke's acclaimed Still Life; the timely, revealing political doc Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story, Rutger Hauer's psychological love-triangle drama Mentor; Obscene, the story of Grove Press publisher Barney Rosset; the Muslim stand-up concert film Allah Made Me Funny, and the Iraq-vet basket case drama The Violent Kind.

THE BIG LOSER: MGM's hard-luck streak looks likely to continue with How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, the adaptation of Toby Young's thinly-veiled bestseller about his misadventures in the Conde Nast empire. It won't fail for lack of trying — at least not with a cast including Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox and Jeff Bridges rocking his best Graydon Carter impression — and a month ago, in less-congested times, this may have even had some multiplex leverage. But in this glut, with the reviews it's receiving and audience awareness less than half of what it needs to be, expect a $3 million opening and quick dispatch to DVD. Where, in fairness, the Fox connection will more than make up for it stillbirth at the box office.

THE UNDERDOG: Religulous is already exhibiting legs in New York, where it opened Wednesday to $13,000 on two screens. It'll bulk up it Oscar doc creds this weekend alongside Rachel Getting Married, a genuinely brilliant piece of ensemble filmmaking by Jonathan Demme and an awards-season lock for Anne Hathaway. But like last week's evangelically supported Fireproof, which "shocked" everyone but us with a $6.5 million opening, watch the conservative satire An American Carol explode in the red states. Vivendi pushed it aggressively before and after last night's debate, it's critic-proof (not that it was available for review) and will fare far better on 1,600 screens — like "$6.3 million" better — than anyone will give it credit for.

FOR SHUT-INS: This week's new DVD releases include Iron Man, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Julian Schnabel's rock doc Lou Reed's Berlin, the steroid expose Bigger, Faster, Stronger* and, because you (or somebody) asked for it, Can't Hardly Wait: The 10th Anniversary Edition.

So how do you plan to sort out the mess at the multiplex? Are there chihuahuas in your future? Can Kinnear's windshield wipers overcome? Can American Carol be the pandering sensation it aspires to? Call your shots, and aim carefully; there are too many innocent bystanders in the mix this week.

When Superbad was released, everyone was stoked on Cera and his skinny, off-beat quiet wit. He was ranked No. 1 on Entertainment Weekly's 30 Under 30 actors list. He had garnered comedic street cred from his stint on Arrested Development. And shucks, how could you forget those dimples? He was one of those cool, John Cusask-esque unlikely sex symbols! And yet now, film critic Jeffrey Wells says Cera is a mere "two or three steps from being over." His logic?

...the two main reasons are (a) he's already repeating himself and (b) his aversion to being famous, hard to swallow from a guy who's been acting since he was 10 or 11 years old, is profoundly tiresome. Nobody has time for that sensitive "poor me because I'm rich and famous" shit.

As much as we hate to say it, we fear for Cera, too. We can't put up with this innocent guy shtick for too much longer. Dude: if you're gonna shine, you need some charm - and we think you may be lacking in the department. In fact, we read that you sat "rod straight" and said "I don't know" 48 times in one hour when a New York Times writer was profiling you recently.

Cera's upcoming flicks aren't lookin' like total winners either. This winter, from the creator of Not Another Teen Movie comes Extreme Movie, a film that will explore the joys of teen sex and co-stars Jamie Kennedy and Frankie Muniz. Niiice. And next year's Youth in Revolt, in which he plays a 14-year-old whose parents are divorcing and seeks his dream girl to take his mind off of things along with his virginity - screams typecast.

Plus, he upset fans with the recent news that he may be one of the key players vetoing the greenlighting of an Arrested Development flick.

Sigh. We're sure it's just all of the pressure to be the Next Big Thing weighing those little bony shoulders of his down.

• On The Brink [Hollywood Elsewhere]

· A National Post writer went to the party for Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, where Michael Cera bumped around wearing his backpack and Kat Dennings, ahem, "gave off the unpretentious dewiness that is a visa of sorts to the country of bigger fame for starlets-on-the-climb." And if that fails, there's always Robert Rodriguez's hot tub.

· Tired of his besties at Warner Bros., Patrick Goldstein upgraded in Toronto with newfound documentary sensation LeBron James. The NBA star is featured in Hoop Dreams-ish coming-of-age saga More Than a Game, which tracks five kids — including James (it was only six years ago!) — from their "decrepit inner-city gym" to their contention for a national high school basketball championship. It apparently made James cry and made producer/music mogul Jimmy Iovine call Goldstein, who pimps it lovingly, noting that Lionsgate might be at the front of the line to pick it up.

· At last night's Sony Pictures Classics dinner, Anne Hathaway's shoes deflected attention from Charlie Kaufman's public awkwardness. That was nice of them!

· Which reminds us: Celebrities! Starlets! Ptooey! Canada for the Canadians! [Via David Poland]

· Does anyone up there has a spare camera he or she can lend to Jeffrey Wells? "Three young apes" stole his — and his iPhone. And he missed The Wrestler. At least buy the guy a drink or something if you see him.

· Jesus — first The Wrestler, now Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Todd McCarthy is turning into Harry Knowles.

· Tasting a hint of assent from critics and the public alike, Guy Ritchie OD'd on confidence and announced an entire Rocknrolla franchise. Last we heard, Joel Silver was still shopping the first one.

Though there is some truth to what Garr says, she did manage to work with the best directors in film history: Coppola, Scorsese, Sydney Pollack among them, and she got props from Tina Fey, who said earlier this year, "There was a time when Teri Garr was in everything. She was adorable, but also completely real — her body was real, her teeth were real, you felt like she'd be your friend.''

Though there is a notable lack of "Teri Garr" types in today's cinema, there are still some actresses who fit the bill: funny, smart, real women with whom you'd totally want to drink margs and make filthy jokes. Here are five of them!

Judy Greer: our girl Judy has the same quirky look and comedic chops as Garr, and her star has been on the rise for several years now. She's played second banana to the best of them including Jennifer Garner in 13 Going on 30 and Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses, but she holds a permanent place in my heart for her role as wonky boob-job recipient Kitty in Arrested Development.

Lauren Ambrose: I have loved Lauren Ambrose since she played the disgruntled teen who gets it on with Seth Green in Can't Hardly Wait. Of course she was the awesome in Six Feet Under, and we'll try to look past the Jezebel James incident.

Emma Stone: Emma Stone is more of a proto-Garr. She's only 20 and though she stars in the upcoming House Bunny which looks like an insult to womanity, Stone was so effortlessly cool and fun as Jonah Hill's love interest in Superbad that she gets to be included on this list. Don't let us down, little missy!

Kat Dennings: She played Catherine Keener's daughter in the 40 Year Old Virginand she's going to co-star in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist with Michael Cera. From reading the synopsis, Nick and Norah might be the best comedy of 2008 (you heard it here first people!). In addition, Kat has an amazing blog that you must start reading forthwith and a fucking sweet YouTube channel.

Mindy Kaling: Another 40 Year Old Virgin alum with a blog that I love, Mindy is a triple threat: Writer, Actress, Bff-material. Her character on The Office, Kelly Kapoor, is a parody of all those lady-mag loving bitches we love to gently mock, and even so we still want to go shopping with her fictional self and gab about Justin Timberlake.

Random Roles: Teri Garr [AV Club]
Kat Dennings [Official Website]
Things I Bought That I Love [Mindy Kaling Blog]

Earlier: Tina Fey: Comedienne, Cover Girl, And Great Role Model For Women