Gawker: defamer, news cafe

Fox And Farrellys Feed Free Franks!

Seth — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 20:48:43 EST

Craving a Pink's hot dog, but were hoping to wait until the lines creep up towards Sunset before making the trip? Then you might want to swing by on Friday or Saturday, as Fox has decided to extend the themed lunch promotions that have delighted patrons of the News Café for years (dating right back to their Late Show Starring Joan Rivers pulled pork sandwiches in 1986) to the general public. That's right: "the 'Wieners' Who Brought You There's Something About Mary and Dumb & Dumber" are pleased to provide the first 500 customers to arrive at the landmark tubesteak stand a complimentary "Unhitched Dog," along with your choice of Farrelly Bros.-themed condiments, including tangy There's Something About Mary hair-gel-onnaise. Enjoy!

Unhitched [Fox.com]

Fox's Hottest Theme Menu Ever

Mark — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 17:49:26 EDT

Because we're sure that you're curious about what theme-meal goodies your peers at Fox might be enjoying right at this moment while you joylessly pick at your on egregiously atopical commissary offerings (Paramount, Sony, WB, and CBS employees—it's clear your employers don't care about you), we share the menu from their lot's Fire Prevention Day BBQ, wrapping up right now on the lawn outside their dining facility. Historically, Fox has reserved the efforts of its finest thematic chefs for the glorification of series launches or season premieres, but with the network's new crop of Fall shows hardly meriting their timeslots, much less a gustatorial show of company support, they were forced to apply their promotional gifts to a more mundane source of inspiration. By the out-of-the-box combining of the activities of eating delicious food and learning about fire safety, we're sure that the number of on-lot conflagrations will be significantly reduced in the coming weeks.

Previously: Fox News Cafe Fails Jack Bauer [Defamer]

Fox News Cafe Fails Jack Bauer

Mark — Fri, 13 Jan 2006 15:58:13 EST

The recent layoffs that swept the entertainment industry seem also to have reached the Fox lot, where we fear the entire Fox News Cafe Promotional Menu Department has been decimated by cutbacks. It's the only logical explanation for today's bill of fare supposedly celebrating 24's two-night, four-hour season premiere event. Feebly tied-in offerings like "pulse-racing pasta," "suspenseful sandwiches," and a "shocking" serving of Manhattan clam chowder make a mockery of the once-proud News Cafe theme-meal tradition. The most buzzed-about series on Fox's current schedule demands top-shelf effort, even if it results in an unappetizing, Bones-like misstep; better to overshoot the creative target with dishes like "Holy Shit! Did Jack Bauer Just Cut Off That Dude's Head? Meatloaf" then settle for the mediocrity of the "ticking clock combo." Fox execs better make sure that Kiefer Sutherland doesn't wander into the Cafe today, lest he express his rage at their promotional neglect by getting grievously drunk and asking permission to destroy the "Fucking CTU Salad Bar" in disgust.

The full menu is available after the jump for your sneering convenience:

Rotisserie THE NEWS CAFÉ – FRIDAY, JANUARY 13, 2006 TODAY'S MENU IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY 24 2 NIGHT, 4 HOUR SEASON PREMIERE BEGINS SUNDAY 8PM
TRY OUR FROZEN YOGURT FLAVOR OF THE WEEK
CHOCOLATE & VANILLA

Side Special:
PULSE-RACING PASTA
CREATE YOUR OWN 6.95
GARLIC BREAD AVAILABLE WITH ALL PASTA ENTREES
PROTEINS
HERB ROASTED CHICKEN, SEARED SALMON, TOFU, ITALIAN SAUSAGE, MEAT BALLS & GRILLED STEAK
TOPPINGS
CHOPPED ROMA TOMATOES, BROCCOLI, MUSHROOMS, SQUASH, ZUCCHINI, OLIVES, ARTICHOKE HEARTS, EGGPLANT,
BELL PEPPERS, ONIONS, CARROTS & SPINACH
PASTAS
LINGUINI, SPAGHETTI, ROTELLI & PENNE
SAUCE
ROASTED GARLIC ALFREDO, PESTO, MEAT SAUCE & MARINARA

Pizza Oven

Oven
Sandwiches
SUSPENSEFUL SANDWICHES
FEATURING PREMIUM BOAR'S HEAD MEATS
CREATE YOUR OWN SANDWICH
TURKEY, ROAST BEEF, HAM, TUNA SALAD,
CHICKEN SALAD, EGG SALAD 5.00

SENSATIONAL SANDWICH SPECIAL 5.50
BUFFALO CHICKEN

CLIFF-HANGER COMBO: ADD CHIPS & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.75* TAX INCLUDED
Pasta
EXPLOSIVE ENTRÉES
LEMON GINGER GLAZED CHICKEN 4.95

EXHILARATING ENTREES
LEMON GINGER GLAZED SOY CHICKEN 4.95

SIDES
CHOW MEIN 1.00
FRIED RICE 1.00
STIR FRIED VEGETABLE MEDLEY 1.00

SHOCKING SOUP SELECTION
MANHATTAN CLAM CHOWDER 2.50

TICKING CLOCK COMBO: VEGETARIAN ENTREE, ONE SIDE & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.95* TAX INCLUDED

COUNTDOWN COMBO: CHEFS ENTREE, ONE SIDE & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.95* TAX INCLUDED

Salad Bar
CTU SALAD BAR
TANDOORI CHICKEN & LEMON VINAIGRETTE
SIDE SALAD
CHOICE OF SALAD 1.50
CREATE YOUR OWN SALAD BAR
4.00 SMALL SALAD BAR, 5.00 MEDIUM SALAD BAR, 6.50 LARGE SALAD BAR

THE COMMISSARY – FRIDAY, JANUARY 13, 2006
TODAY'S MENU IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY
24
2 NIGHT, 4 HOUR SEASON PREMIERE
BEGINS SUNDAY 8PM

CLIFF-HANGER COMBOS

WINTER VALUE COMBO: SUPERCHARGED SALAD BAR, FRY WORKS & A MEDIUM FOUNTAIN DRINK, 5.50 TAX INCLUDED,
SORRY NO SUBSTITUTIONS.

WINTER VALUE COMBO: FAST-PACED FOCACCIA TURKEY PASTRAMI SANDWICH, FRY WORKS & A MEDIUM FOUNTAIN DRINK, 5.50 TAX INCLUDED,
SORRY NO SUBSTITUTIONS.

WINTER VALUE COMBO: PHENOMENAL PHILLY CHEESE STEAK SANDWICH, FRY WORKS & A MEDIUM FOUNTAIN DRINK, 5.50 TAX INCLUDED, SORRY NO SUBSTITUTIONS.

NAIL-BITING BOSTON CLAM CHOWDER

SIZZLING SLOW ROASTED TOP ROUND OF BEEF

CONSPIRACY CRAB CAKES, TARTAR SAUCE

SUPERCHARGED SALAD BAR

Previously: Fox News Cafe: I Eat Dead People [Defamer]

Fox News Cafe: I Eat Dead People

Mark — Tue, 13 Sep 2005 15:08:04 EDT

We fear that the demands of the fall TV season, with its unforgiving schedule of constant show launches, might have finally taxed the promotional geniuses behind the Fox News Cafe's legendary themed menus to their breaking point. How else to explain today's bill of fare at the cafeteria, celebrating tonight's premiere of forensic anthropology procedural drama Bones? If ever there was a time to take a pass on getting cute at the deli counter and salad bar, this was it. Today's menu is jam-packed with macabre offerings certain to kill Fox employees' appetites in cold blood. The "Cadaverous Combo" couldn't sound more delish if it were served buffet-style from a coroner's cold slab. If that's not setting off your Pavlovian salivating response, how about the "Skeleton Sandwiches Featuring Premium Boar's Head Meats," which evoke ghouls gnawing at the last pieces of decaying flesh stubbornly clinging to the bone? Not so much? Then surely you'll want to slurp up the "DNA Daily Soup," which we pray in the name of all that is good and holy isn't from the cream family today. In a word: Yum.

Happy lunching, Foxies. The rest of the menu is after the jump.

Today's News Cafe Menu

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Rotisserie
THE NEWS CAFÉ – TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 13, 2005
TODAY'S MENU IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY
BONES
SERIES PREMIERE TONIGHT AT 8PM

REICHS' ROTISSERIE & GRILL
SWEET & SOUR CHICKEN
½ 4.95
¼ 3.95

Side Special:
STEAMED RICE 1.00
STEAMED GREEN BEANS & CARROTS 1.00
CHICKEN EGG ROLL 1.00

CADAVEROUS COMBO: ½ CHICKEN OR TOFU, ONE SIDE & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.95* TAX INCLUDED

Pizza Oven
POSTMORTEM PIZZA BY THE SLICE 1.75
THREE CHEESE PIZZA
PEPPERONI PIZZA
BUFFALO CHICKEN PIZZA

PROCEDURAL PERSONAL PIZZA 4.95
MUSHROOM, OLIVE & CHOPPED TOMATO PIZZA

CORONER'S COMBO: 2 SLICES OF PIZZA,
SIDE SALAD & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.00 *TAX INCLUDED
Oven
VICTIM'S VEGETARIAN OVEN SPECIAL 4.95
SWEET & SOUR TOFU, BELL PEPPERS & PINEAPPLE

Sandwiches
SKELETON SANDWICHES
FEATURING PREMIUM BOAR'S HEAD MEATS
CREATE YOUR OWN SANDWICH
TURKEY, ROAST BEEF, HAM, TUNA SALAD,
CHICKEN SALAD, EGG SALAD 5.00

SQUINT'S SANDWICH SPECIAL 5.50
SAUSAGE, ROASTED BELL PEPPERS & MARINARA SAUCE

CRIME LAB COMBO: ADD CHIPS & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.75* TAX INCLUDED
Pasta
ANTHROPOLOGIST'S ENTRÉES
CARVED ROAST BEEF, BORDELAISE SAUCE & CHEDDAR BISCUITS 5.95

STEAMED VEGETABLE MEDLEY 1.00
MASHED POTATOES 1.00

DNA DAILY SOUP SELECTION
LENTIL 2.50

CASE CLOSED COMBO: CARVED BEEF & BISCUITS, ONE SIDE & FOUNTAIN DRINK
6.95* TAX INCLUDED
Salad Bar
SCIENTIST SALAD BAR
TOMATO & CUCUMBER
SIDE SALAD
CHOICE OF SALAD 1.50
CREATE YOUR OWN SALAD BAR
4.00 SMALL SALAD BAR, 5.00 MEDIUM SALAD BAR, 6.50 LARGE SALAD BAR

Previously: Fox News Cafe Returns To Prison: With Food Like This, We’ll Take A Life Sentence! [Defamer]

Fox News Cafe Returns To Prison: With Food Like This, We'll Take A Life Sentence!

Mark — Mon, 29 Aug 2005 15:42:33 EDT

Undeterred by the swift and resounding failure of its ex-con-with-a-heart-of-gold drama Jonny Zero and corresponding vaguely prison-themed menu at their News Cafe, the promotional visionaries at Fox have once again tapped the penal system for culinary inspiration. Right now, hungry employees can partake from a selection of Big House-flavored offerings, like braised pork fresh off the "Death Row"tisserie," "penitentiary personal pizzas," and the "solitary sandwich special" to show their support of tonight's Prison Break premiere. Sadly, there is no "shower rape corn-on-the-cob"; perhaps they're saving that for the wrap party.

Today's full menu is after the jump.

Rotisserie THE NEWS CAFÉ – MONDAY AUGUST 29, 2005 TODAY’S MENU IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PRISON BREAK 2-HOUR PREMIERE TONIGHT AT 8PM!
DEATH ROW”TISSERIE & GRILL
BRAISED PORK 4.95
CHILI CREAM SAUCE

Side Special:
ROASTED GARLIC & TOMATO RICE 1.00
STEAMED BROCCOLI & CAULIFLOWER 1.00

CONVICT’S COMBO: BRAISED PORK, ONE SIDE & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.95* TAX INCLUDED

Pizza Oven
PRISONER’S PIZZA BY THE SLICE 1.75
THREE CHEESE PIZZA
PEPPERONI PIZZA
TOMATO, BASIL & RED ONION PIZZA

PENITENTIARY PERSONAL PIZZA 4.95
BBQ CHICKEN, SMOKED MOZZARELLA & TOMATO PIZZA

CONVICT’S COMBO: 2 SLICES OF PIZZA,
SIDE SALAD & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.00 *TAX INCLUDED
Oven
Sandwiches
THE SLAMMER SANDWICHES
FEATURING PREMIUM BOAR’S HEAD MEATS
CREATE YOUR OWN SANDWICH
TURKEY, ROAST BEEF, HAM, TUNA SALAD,
CHICKEN SALAD, EGG SALAD 5.00

SOLITARY SANDWICH SPECIAL 5.50
WARM PASTRAMI & SWISS CHEESE

CONVICT’S COMBO: ADD CHIPS & FOUNTAIN DRINK
5.75* TAX INCLUDED
Pasta
GREAT ESCAPE ENTRÉES
1 KUNG PAO CHICKEN EGG ROLL, 1 SHRIMP SPRING ROLL, 2 SHRIMP POT STICKERS 2 VEGETABLE POT STICKERS &
2 CRAB RANGOON 5.95
PONZU, SWEET & SOUR, HOISIN SAUCE

GREEN ONION & SESAME TOSSED NOODLES 1.00
ROASTED GARLIC & PEPPER BROCCOLI 1.00
STEAMED BOK CHOY 1.00
STEAMED EDAMAME 1.00

CELLMATE’S SOUP SELECTION
CHICKEN LIME & CILANTRO 2.50

CONVICT’S COMBO: ONE ENTREE, ONE SIDE & FOUNTAIN DRINK
6.95* TAX INCLUDED

Salad Bar
SCOFIELD’S SALAD BAR
MIXED GREENS, SPROUTS, CHERRY TOMATOES & CUCUMBERS, ROASTED SHALLOT DRESSING
SIDE SALAD
CHOICE OF SALAD 1.50
CREATE YOUR OWN SALAD BAR
4.00 SMALL SALAD BAR, 5.00 MEDIUM SALAD BAR, 6.50 LARGE SALAD BAR

Previously: Fox News Cafe Serves Up Prison Food [Defamer]

Breaking: Bomb Scare At Fox Plaza? UPDATE

Mark — Wed, 20 Jul 2005 15:03:47 EDT

Not to panic anyone in Century City or in the Fox "Nakitomi" Tower, but a reader tells us about a possible bomb threat at the Plaza:

huge bomb scare at Fox Plaza right now - suspicious package left near coffee shop in sub-lobby. bomb squad here now, Ave of Stars closed off.

We'll update if we hear anything else. Luckily, it seems that the nearby Fox lot has been unaffected, and today's scheduled So You Think You Can Dance? theme lunch at the News Cafe should proceed without interruption. Let us know if the "krumping corned beef and cabbage" is as tasty as it sounds.

UPDATE: Another source inside the tower updates: "The bomb squad has now cleared out. No word on the package, but the general assumption was that it was a "Die Hard 4" publicity stunt gone haywire."

Thanks! Look for the explosive sequel action of Fox's Die Hard 4.0 in theaters sometime in 2006.

Now get yourselves over to the New Cafe before they run out of the "Shimmying Shrimp"!