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Suri Cruise Tries To Make A Clean Getaway

Douglas Reinhardt — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 15:05:00 EDT

Despite crafting an elaborate plan involving a system of rope lines, helicopters and intensive flash photography, Suri Cruise was unable to make a clean getaway from parent Katie Holmes in New York on Tuesday night. Suri admitted that she failed to account for one thing: her mother's sunglasses. Cruise said, "I always forget about her sunglasses. I thought maybe for once she would be a normal person and not wear them since you know, it's night. Nope, mommy wanted to pretend she was a rock star yet again." Cruise place a share of the blame on the actors she hired for the failed attempt on Tuesday night. Cruise added, "You get what you pay for when you use Craigslist. I was paying in pizza rolls and I got a bunch of dudes from New Jersey." Cruise still remains optimistic and plans on making another getaway in the near future, perhaps during a snowstorm.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

HBO Preserves New Jersey For Possible Sopranos Movie

Richard Lawson — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 16:27:15 EST

Recently Nick D'Urso, manager of New Jersey's Satin Dolls gentleman's club, got a call from HBO asking him to hold off on his planned renovations. You see, Satin Dolls also doubles as the Bada Bing strip club from HBO's stunning, somber, and definitively over mob series The Sopranos. D'Urso swears that he heard legit info that a Sopranos movie could be in the works and HBO is making sure its top locations stay as much the same as possible. Soprano Sue, a crazed fan of the show who did some amateur location scouting for HBO, also says she heard about a movie from a crew member. And that pretty much sucks. If it does happen, it will completely negate the series finale's brilliantly confounding and expressive abrupt cut to black. Unless, you know, it's a prequel or something. Though that would probably involve unfortunate hairpieces and casting new kids and ick I think that would be much, much worse. HBO honors their omerta and says "No comment." Though they seem to like the show to movie idea. A lot. Give it a rest, everybody. [OhNoTheyDidn't] After the jump, that famous final scene.

George Clooney, Girlfriend Hurt In Motorcycle Accident In New Jersey

Ray Wert — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 11:19:15 EDT

The smug-causing star of Oceans 9 10 11 and his girlfriend Sarah Larson were injured on Friday when Clooney crashed the motorcycle they were on while driving on a narrow road across the Hudson River in Jersey. Clooney's reportedly suffered a broken rib and Larson broke her foot. Both have been released from the Palisades medical center where they'd been treated. According to Sgt. Sean Kelly, the Weehawken police officer in charge of the investigation:

"Clooney and Larson were traveling north and sped up to pass on the right of a 1999 Mazda Millenia that was preparing to make a right turn."

Although there's apparently some question as to whether the Millenia was looking to go right or left, there's no dispute that passing on the right, as it is pretty much everywhere with left-hand drive cars, is a no-no. Clooney's spokesman Stan Rosenfeld, obviously upset with having to work on erev Yom Kippur is telling it like it is

"The car signaled left. George was riding to the right. The driver decided to make an abrupt right turn and clipped George..."

Or not — what does "riding to the right" mean? Whatever — fear not though, because we're hearing the movie he's filming with Brad Pitt in Jersey is not "Oceans 14" and unfortunately, it's expected to be right on schedule. [via Detroit News]

Photo Credit: Mike Carrillo / Getty Images Entertainment