1.) Synergy
Jon Gosselin's answer when asked for his thoughts on the Balloon Boy hoax:



We're thinking that Balloon Boy might give the same exact answer when asked for his thoughts on Jon Gosselin wiping out his family's bank account.

2.) Tricia Walsh-Smith threatened to walk off The Insider.
She didn't understand that people were telling her that she is smart.

BTW, why does The Insider consider Marla Maples part of "The Real First Wives Club"?

3.) "Tardy for the Party" is based on a true story.

Kim might have another hit on her hands, thanks to Jimmy Kimmel.

4.) A different type of tardy at the party
I love Kim's wasted face.

5.) The best excuse for tardiness
Courtesy of Bridezillas

6.) Spry seniors
Larry King's promo picture for his blog is awesome.

And this week, Elizabeth Taylor took Paris and Prince Jackson to Universal Studios theme park.

7.) Courtney Cox was a menstruation pioneer.

8.) What Al Reynolds is up to now
Musical theater-y things, regurgitating, and not being normal. His words, not mine.

9.) Tyra colonic
Last Friday, Tyra featured a colonic on her stage, which the host claimed was the First! Ever! Televised! Colonic! Except it wasn't. I remember Dave Navarro getting one on his reality show about his marriage to Carmen Electra. Tyra also said that a colonic was "the opposite of diarrhea." In fact, a colonic is the opposite of that. It is diarrhea, and it drips down your leg.

10.) A lesson on life from Judge Judy

1.) Flash Dance
This week on So You Think You Can Dance?, some woman flashed her crotch, and Fox gave her a flesh-colored blur, leading these ABC News correspondents to wonder whether or not she was going commando.

2.) Barbara disses Mariah's boring story on The View.



The interview was preempted for the breaking news that Chicago did not get picked to host the Olympics. When The View returned, Mimi's dog appeared.

3.) This.

4.) Jesus wanted John Phillips to have sex with his daughter.
Because he knew it would help Chynna sell her new album.

5.) Tyra has a knack for discovering people who are really good at being assholes.

6.) Tyra also finally discovered Objectum Sexuals.

7.) Check out this hot ticket on Judge Judy.

8.) So not glitz.

9.) Kim doesn't like anything "cheesy" or "cheap."
So don't let the wig fool you.

10.) NeNe bitches out Lara Spencer.

For those of you familiar with the Real Housewives of Atlanta series — and you should be — NeNe Leakes and Zolciak are enemies. Not total rivals, but they're definitely not friends. Anyway, their relationship has only been strained by "Tardy," a song quite popular with RuPaul's posse and the gays, as exhibited by this iTunes "also bought" tally:

Now, as the song spreads like an aural herpe, NeNe has spoken out to claim the track for her own.

"Tardy For The Party" was my song. Now she's doing "Tardy For The Party," and I'm not on it. I don't care if I'm not on it.

Um, she clearly does. Or should. Those of you who watch the show, mouths gaped in horror, know that the song started as a collaboration between the women, but then Kim recorded her own dance version. Later, after falling down at a party and taking advantage of the spotlight, Kim the cancer-faker played the hijacked track and took the credit. That's shitty.

So we implore all cross-dressers, kitsch lovers and other Kim "fans:" transfer that love to NeNe. She's not afraid to speak the truth in the face of the truck stop nightmare called Kim. Anderson Cooper, will you lead the way?

When NeNe Laughs, The World Opens Wide

Wide-winged owl caller
hooting through the hollow night,
your screech,
bright and empty
like a blond wig left on its Styrofoam head
cooling as the wearer
languishes.

White-eyed blank stare,
the pupils would dilate in the darkness,
but there are no pupils,
just the
mannequin looking back at me
as your chortle gallops across
the soft palate.

Your noises just like when we sat on the veranda
flower boxes pocking the sidewalk.
You pooh-poohed
the wine
and talked of distant friends
as if they all stood with their knives sharpened.
I make a joke about their eyebrows,
to elicit your
illicit noise,
heady like a humping hyena
deep-bodied,
diaphragmed
and repeated
as if a chuckle could be redemption,
as if a margarita could save us all.

1.) Models of the Runway
It's boring…and "dumb."

I love Heidi's reaction to them.

2.) Speaking of Dumb
Who the fuck forgets the words to "God Bless America"? Especially if it's your job to remember them.

3.) Gosselin Kids Promise Not To Murder Their Mother

4.) The Insider: "Michael Jackson…A Ladies Man?"

Did they mean like this?

5.) Anal Retentive
That OCD guy from that Bravo show doesn't allow his employees to poop in the office bathrooms, and if they do, and he finds out about it, he gets revenge.

6.) Anal Retentive, Part 2
On the TLC show Truth Be Told, people with who are obsessed with their pets were profiled. This woman swears she's "not a crazy pet owner," although she does admit to—and is filmed—wiping her dogs ass after she (the dog, not the owner) shits.

I wonder if this dog sleeps in her wig.

7.) Kim Sleeps in Her Wig

What would NeNe think?

8.) Everyone Thinks Spencer Pratt Is An Idiot

9.) Steven Seagal Is Working
Is anyone else as excited about Steven Seagal's new reality show as I am?

10.) My Sentiments, Exactly

Yeah, we know that Thursday is the third episode of the second season and we're a little late to the game, but we just couldn't keep away any longer. And neither should you. After all, this is one of those shows you try not to watch, but then end up talking about all week with your friends.

The third in Bravo's hit series that follows a group of women who pretend to be friends so that they can share the spotlight and hock products, Atlanta immediately distanced itself by having a mostly African-American cast and by the intensity and volume of their drama.

Ruling over the show is the Bermuda Triangle of drama: NeNe Leakes, Sheree Whitfield, and Kim Zolciak. NeNe and Kim were best friends and were united against Sheree, who thought NeNe was trashy. Then, Kim—a pathological liar and kept woman who wants to be a singer—started spending time with Sheree. When NeNe picked on Kim's nonexistent vocal ability, Kim left her camp to bury her nose in Sheree's bosom. But now Sheree is sick of Kim making shit up all the time, so NeNe and Sheree have buried the hatchet in order to go after Kim together.

It's like an episode of Maury, except no one works, everyone has lots of money, and everyone knows who their father is—oh, except NeNe, but she's supposed to be finding out this season.

Rounding out the cast is Lisa Wu-Hartwell. Aside from just having her house foreclosed on, Lisa is sort of a free radical. She gets along well with everyone (except Kim) and is generally nice and smiley and playing with her ex-NFLer husband Eddie Hartwell. That is until she turns and goes completely ballistic over something insignificant. She's like a volcano, but one that designs jewelry on the side.

Replacing boring DeShawn Snow is Kandi Burruss, a former member of the R&B group Xscape and co-writer of "Scrubs" (the TLC song, not the never-dying sitcom). We don't have much of a read on Kandi yet, but she loves to fight and loves to cry and loves her fiance who loves to have kids because he has six of them.

The brilliance of the show, as with most reality experiments, is in the casting and the location. The ladies are always carrying on about fabulous and luxurious and glamorous their lives are, but they live in Atlanta. Hardly known as a place of opulence (like Orange County), importance (like New York), or incredible tackiness (like New Jersey), Atlanta is just a battleground where big personalities can go to war over issues of very little consequence.

Take the fight below for example. This is from the first episode of the second season and has already become a classic. In it Sheree goes head to head with her party planner, who has inexplicably flown off the handle and Sheree handles herself first with restrained tact that soon boils over into shrieking aggression. And if you think that is great, wait for the second half of Kim, NeNe, and Sheree's parking lot brawl on Thursday's episode (you can catch the first half on the rerun tonight).

In a talk with UInterview, the Real House-less star revealed that her misinformed, reciprocal crush still burns:

Q: I heard that Anderson Cooper is obsessed with you. How do you feel about him?

A: I’m obsessed with him, honey. I would ask him out even while I’m married! I’ve already told my husband, if I see Anderson, honey, it’s over! You know, he’s real good lookin’! There's something about the way he looks when he's reporting the news. He reports the news with a twinkle in his eyes. Something about it him is just like, ‘Stop it, Anderson! Whatever it is your doin', Stop!’ I like him a lot!

While we have no doubt that an Anderson/NeNe meetup would produce more giggles than the time the CNN anchor appeared on Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List, somehow we're betting it won't lead to any broken marriages. NeNe, if you're truly intent on keeping it real, why not send him Dwight instead?

• Real Housewives' NeNe [UInterview]

Yes, that's the unfortunate new stain on the reputation of Anderson Cooper's favorite housewife, who recently got kicked out of the mansion she lived in on the show. Now, Fox's Atlanta-area affiliate has done more digging, exposing a six-figure Leakes debt, some reality show fakery, and a weird story about the couple letting friends rent a house that ended up with filled with rats and "human waste on the patio" (sounds like a typical Thursday at Defamer HQ). Does it suggest that there's an actual Poop Gate at the heart of PoopGate? Somewhere, at an Appleby's just off the freeway, rival Kim Zolciak is surely smiling. Clip below:

"The recent rumors alleging that my family faced an eviction are a huge misunderstanding and grossly inaccurate. I am truly blessed to enjoy a wonderful life and lifestyle. We have indeed moved to another home, but we did so on our own free will. We live in an absolutely beautiful home and we are fortunate to be able to live in the place of our choice. Unfortunately, there are many families who are facing real foreclosures and real evictions. That is not and never was the case with us. I know where we live and how we live, and for those blessings I am humbly thankful. It is disappointing that many members of the media have chosen to report gossip instead of news. Without wasting time on the details, the only thing I will say is that we were NOT evicted. Everybody knows that I like to be honest, real and upfront. If something was wrong, I would tell you! Thank you for your well wishes. However, please know that my family continues to be abundantly blessed, and that Miss NeNe has not skipped a beat!"

Looks like those novenas worked, Anderson. We must say, we're a little uncomfortable now that the assertive, always on top NeNe's been put on the defensive. Let's just hope that no matter where she ends up, she won't be reduced to panhandling outside a Chili's, holding the sign, "Why lie, I just contracted fake cancer. Please help!"

• NeNe Speaks [Bravo]

“It’s none of your business,” she wrote. But she noted that they “are financial able [sic] and stable to live where ever we feel fits.”

NeNe, 41, wrote that the eviction notice does not have her name on it, adding “you don’t know my relationship with [her husband] Greg so be careful what you report!” [...]

On Tuesday, she wrote, “If we rent, lease purchase or buy, money is still coming out of my pocket. So who’s [sic] business is that??”

The Journal-Constitution found that NeNe's husband Greg owed $6,240 in past due rent, then informed the landlord that they would move as they were unable to afford the house anymore. NeNe, it may be time to take some of your own famous advice: close your legs to married men until Greg can get this resolved. If that doesn't work, take your case to the Coop! We hear there's a shirtless swimmer you can use as bait...

• ‘Housewives’ star forced to move from Duluth home [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

When Bravo figurehead Andy Cohen related an email sent by viewer "Murtice, from Oakland" inquiring about Kim's suspicious hairdo, the Housewife collapsed into a dizzy-making story about how she only had to wear a wig because she had... well, if someone else would like to say "cancer," then she'll go with that. However, after milking what little sympathy she could out of a stone-faced, skeptical NeNe, Cohen pressed Kim further, forcing her to relate a breakdown at Chili's (!) where she discovered that actually, she never had cancer in the first place. It's a fictional miracle! Videogum's got the clip:

• The Real Housewives Of Atlanta: Kim Zolciak Does Not Have Cancer [Videogum]

“I’m not surprised that Anderson Cooper is talking about me! Wouldn’t you talk about me? I’m not surprised. Anderson Cooper is gorgeous. He is THE silver fox, and I just wish he’d come over on this side of the street.

Is Leakes merely inviting Cooper to take a sun-dappled, leafy stroll through the ATL, or is she subtly implying that Cooper is more likely to stick to the side of the street that has a Kiehl's superstore and a 2-for-1 special at Splash? Though Leakes is cagey enough to pre-empt a rash of "NeNe Outs HoMo" headlines, we're just going to assume that when she made that statement, her cleavage winked ostentatiously.

• NeNe: 5 Ways Housewives Has Changed My Life [People]

Leakes told me her phone didn't stop ringing and the text messages didn't stop coming from friends and family who were watching Ellen at the time. "I told my husband, 'You know Anderson Cooper? He spoke about me,' " Leakes said. "And he said, 'Anderson Cooper? The guy with the white hair? No, he didn't!' We think it's great. We love it."

...Leakes quickly forgave Cooper for mispronouncing her name (it's NeeNee, not NayNay), and now can't help imagine the fun times she thinks she could have with the silver fox. "I would just talk to him and keep it real," she said, adding, "Let's just get down and dirty and talk about whatever."

Then she laughed, "I'd wear a nice little top, since he's talking about my chest. I don't know if he's had any brown sugar."

From what we've heard, it's his favorite! Good luck with your mission to lure Anderson into a cleavage-baring date, NeNe. Just remember: no holograms. He hates those.

• 
  Attention, Anderson Cooper: Please Call NeNe! [E!]