Recently, someone posted here a rather harsh criticism of the movie MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL and laid into me, with a vigorous and stinging tone, suggesting that the film was beneath me and that they were severely disappointed in me for participating in it.

They were right.

The movie is not very good at all.

The only thing I offer you is an explanation. Not an excuse.

In the movie business, few people, if any, set out to make a bad or even mediocre film. The script, director, cast and production values lead one to believe that there is an opportunity to be had there. Whether that opportunity is for a low-brow, yet funny, comedy or for a soaring drama, for an action film experience unlike any other or an unforgettable love story, movie people arrive at work with high hopes. They work hard to try to serve good material or elevate that material that may have a few "holes" in it.

But not every movie is THE GODFATHER or FORREST GUMP or ANNIE HALL.

Yes, I have made some pretty awful films. But, like most film and TV actors I have known, I would have gone to any lengths to make them better.

Filmmaking is a highly risky endeavor, more so today than ever.

For you. And for me.

Points for honesty, Alec, though we're beginning to get a little concerned about your new habit of diminishing every role you've ever taken, whether it's fluff like My Best Friend's Girl or a masterpiece like 30 Rock. Sir, you've got a well-earned Emmy — go rest on your laurels before you start disavowing your "In the Year 2000" guest stint on Conan O'Brien.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Guestbook [AlecBaldwin.com]

How you suddenly went from a cute, perky blonde ingénue to a shrill, talentless flop is puzzling, but we have a feeling the downward spiral began when you took on the gem that was Fool's Gold, in which you reprised your stale dynamic with co-star Matthew McConaughey. Okay, so the film did decently, pulling in $70 million stateside. But it was the film that officially marked you as a romantic foil. You've made a habit out of banking on your hunky co-stars - even doubling up with the Wilson brothers by taking Owen in You, Me, and Dupree, and Luke in Alex and Emma. No longer are you the enticing, independent Penny Lane we once knew who wanted to establish her own identity as an actress. Instead, you seem more interested in raising your dating profile by serving as Lance Armstrong's last blonde-of-the-month.

And we're not the only ones who are upset. Your poor career choices have also angered film blogger Jeffrey Wells, who has some harsh words for you:

When was the last time you saw a trailer for a Hudson movie and said to yourself, "Hey, wow...that one looks good." I've been saying the exact opposite for about five years now. ... It can be assumed she's not Albert Einstein. And it's just a shame. ... Her name is synonymous with mediocrity and ditziness. What are the odds of a director of serious calibre ever offering Hudson a role as good as Penny Lane again? Next to nil at this point.

Ouch, girlfriend. And now comes news that you were acting holier-than-thou towards Anne Hathaway on the set of your latest project Bride Wars? If we may, perhaps copping an attitude with the girl who might save your next film isn't your best move.

• Lady Has No Taste [Hollywood Elsewhere]

After a judge ruled to evict Cook from his Hollywood apartment last month because nobody picked up after the comic's crap-happy dog, Dane has decided to fight the decision with one of the most bizarre legal arguments we've ever heard –- that [John] Belushi and [Steve] Martin's supernatural leftovers have a serious affect on his career.

Cook claims he only rented the apartment in the first place because his heroes, Belushi and Martin, used to live in the same complex back in the day, and according to the court docs filed in L.A. County Superior Court, he would suffer serious "mental and emotional" damage — and his career would crumble — if he was forced to leave. In the docs, Cook claims, "I know that the presence of those that have lived there before me affects me deeply and provides me with inspiration."

Cook went on to say, "In the same way that writers can get writer's block, comedians can really easily run out of ideas and 'stories'; I am extremely frightened that this will happen to me if I am forced to move out of my apartment. I've seen it happen to other comics, that something interferes with their connection to their creative muse, and it's destroyed careers."

While we can't say that we've seen any evidence of Steve Martin's dry comic influence in Cook's enthusiastic brand of stand-up, we hope the situation works itself out in his favor. If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that Cook should spend a lot of time in his apartment — weeks, months, whatever works! Take as much time off as you need, Dane...after all, isn't that we've got DC-01 for?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Cook's Crappy Defense: Belushi's Ghost Owns Me [TMZ]

FRIDAY
· The Bangles at the LA County Fair
· Samantha Ronson at the Roxy
· Red Scare on Sunset at the Attic Theater

SATURDAY
· Beck at the Hollywood Bowl
· Gladys Knight at the Greek Theater
· Dirtiest Sketch in LA at UCB

SUNDAY
· Hot Chip at the Wiltern
· Goldfrapp at the Orpheum
· My Morning Jacket at the Greek Theater

WHAT'S NEW: The first genuine Oscar-chasing release of the fall, The Duchess will likely split its viewership between pro- and anti-Keira Knightley factions before anyone bothers to acknowledge its broader, bodice-ripping appeal. So yes, Team Knightley: She deftly portrays Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire, the late-18th-century heroine with the bitterly controlling husband (Ralph Fiennes), the rabble-rousing side dish (Dominic Cooper) and a surfeit of corsted, pre-feminist longing. The star and the film are beautiful, the direction assured and the awards-season creds affirmed — particularly Fiennes', whose customary wretchedness as the Duke acquires a kind of fascinating tenderness with age. If anyone should be on the Oscar bubble (besides the art and costume crew, which are locks), it's him.

Still, in limited release, Duchess isn't competing for any box-office glory; that distinction belongs to Lakeview Terrace, the not-entirely-miserable Neil LaBute thriller featuring Samuel L. Jackson as a sociopathic cop out to get the hot interracial couple next door (Patrick Wilson and Kerry Washington). Against sturdy holdovers (Burn After Reading, The Family That Preys) and middling newbies (the Dane Cook slog My Best Friend's Girl, Ricky Gervais's leading-man debut Ghost Town), Lakeview will top out at $15.6 million. Cook will follow with $13.2 million; with half the screens and even less promotion, Ghost Town should still manage an even $6 million.

Also opening: Ed Harris's old-old-school Western Appaloosa; Chris Smith's tiny, acclaimed Indian excursion The Pool; the gay-conversion melodrama Save Me; the wrenching immigrant day-in-the-life tale Take Out; and the Duchess-correcting, misogynist fantasia The Pink Conspiracy.

THE BIG LOSER: You know, after we just predicted the Weinsteins would once again find their step in the multiplex, trust in Harvey to not only dump another subpar animated fairy tale on an unsuspecting public, but to essentially disown it. Such is Igor's lot, with its backers AWOL, its reviews tepid, and its voice talent (John Cusack, Molly Shannon, Steve Buscemi) trapped in a Straight-to-Flopz™ patchwork about a hunchback pursuing his dream of becoming a mad scientist. MGM is left to collect the grosses for this one, which won't break $5 million on 2,300 screens. Or, as they call it at Weinstein HQ, business as usual.

THE UNDERDOG: As members of the privileged few to have seen Hounddog in its spectacularly atrocious Sundance '07 cut ("It was unfinished!", the director screams), we long doubted not only the film's release potential, but also the redeemability of those souls who actually made it. But fair is fair, and while the reedited Hounddog remains the infamous Dakota Fanning Rape Movie — full of overripe Southern hokum comprising snakes, magical Negroes, Elvis worship and borderline inbreds — it has since obtained a sort of culty, gunpowder gloss embracing all of its wrecked potential. It's finally refined its badness enough to be good, even serviceable for at least an hour, with Fanning's vulnerability dynamically intact opposite the predatory, 'shine-swilling archetypes around her. Bonus points, however, to David Morse, whose full-retard debasement here must be seen to be believed.

FOR SHUT-INS: It's Celebrity Bomb Week among new DVD releases, including Mike Myers's stroppy folly The Love Guru; the Wachowski abortion Speed Racer; the Pacino pratfall 88 Minutes; Patrick Dempsey's rom-com Made of Honor; and at not-so-long last, the complete first season of Chuck. Aw, NBC — you shouldn't have! No, really. You shouldn't have.

So what's your Top 3? Is it a Keira weekend, or is Officer Sam pulling your ass over? And how's our math, anyway? Clear your calendars and call your shots — you're among friends here. Even you, Harvey!

Boomp3.com

At the premiere of the blockbuster rom-com My Best Friend’s Girl, Jason Biggs went the extra mile to ensure that the press photographed his preferred side. Biggs admitted that he may have been influenced by a recent episode of Entourage, but he’s always a bit sheepish about the right side of his face. Biggs said, “I think there’s a couple of crow’s feet on that side that the Photoshop wizards forgot to remove.” Biggs firmly planted himself in front of the poster until all of the invited guests had walked all the way down the red carpet and into the theater.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

To prepare for steamy kissing scenes with bombshell leading ladies such as Hudson, [Jessica] Alba and [Jessica] Simpson, Cook says he's developed a tradition. Before production begins, he nonchalantly asks his co-stars what's their favorite flavor of gum or mint. Hudson's pick? Lifesavers Pep-o-Mint. Stormy breath aside, such scenes still make Cook giddy.

"You tend to go back to how you felt when you were in high school," says Cook. "Even though you're professional actors, you come to those scenes wondering things like: Are you going to be mad if I kiss you? Do I put my hands on the small of your back or can I go lower? Is that too low? Can you draw a map of where I can touch you?"

If such a map exists for any or all of the above-mentioned starlets, we would love to see it — particularly Simpson's, a stick figure with specifically delineated "Romo-Zones" below the waist and a contractually obligated 25-foot proximity to Joe Simpson at all times. A girl can never be too careful

• Dane Cook tries again to cook on the big screen [AP]

• 'My Best Friend's Girl' [IMDB]
• 'Mr. Fix It' [IMDB]

1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy [sic] thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' [sic] vagina. ...

6. Flesh:
It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit ... that guys got flawless skin!"

Then there's the omission of Alec Baldwin ("so fucking funny in this movie!"), the Kate Hudson Mannequin Factor, Jason Biggs's flowers... The list goes on, but our own, three-person Poster Adjudication Board sides unanimously with Lionsgate brass who made their own private appeal this morning at Defamer HQ: "We don't know what he's complaining about. He knew when he signed on that we were planning a shit movie with shit art. He was like, 'Yeah, like Good Luck Chuck, no problem.' It's a Kate Hudson movie! They can't all be Hostel. Fucking douchebag." Pretty much. Case closed.

• Dane Cook [MySpace via BWE]