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Courtney Love Has the Last, Incoherent Word on the VMAs Purity Ring Controversy

Kyle Buchanan — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:35:00 EDT

Though it's been a long while since Courtney Love caused controversy at the VMAs, the singer wasn't about to let last night's purity ring flap pass by without giving that virginal young upstart Jordin Sparks the what-for. Yes, even though Love claims not to have watched last night's ceremony (though she adores host Russell Brand), she took to her blog to denounce the latest crop of chaste young performers, giving them the sort of X-rated advice that would make a Jonas Brother blush (not that Miley, though — she's heard it all). We've excerpted the best bits below, though we warn you that they're hard to read — not because of their shock value, but because their author is the garrulous misspeller Courtney Love:

i didnt go to the "VMAS" as we used to call them but theyve gotten so fucking Urban i dont know i guess Van Toffler thought ( hes an exec at MTV ) he was being edgy and he WAS by letting my darkling prince Brand host the mtv awards- but theyre not the "VMAS" and they never will be again - i had ZERO desire to watch let alone go and thats one of my very favourite people ive ever known or had the honour of being friends and fiends with hosting it so i feel horribly rude that my desire not to watch assholes with chastity rings- oh for fucks sake ive had some great conversations but not ONE has ever ended in an Orgasm, y'all need some pussy and some cock and shut the hell up-

..but fuck it, its irrelevant, i am DAMMIT CELEBRATORY- i love when a friend does well and Russell appears to have done quite well- ist not exactltya fucking rock fest at mtv its...... "date my mom" remember- and it will never revert back to reliably rock n roll- its just the economiclevel of thier decision marketing wise to "grow with thier audience"" aka save mass money on shows by just predating on peoples insane desire and frenzy to be on insanely dysfunction al reality shows for free.

Translation: Courtney Love has some quibbles with MTV (just like us!), though they're nothing that couldn't be fixed by a night at the downtown Standard, two of the three Jonases, a bottle of Veuve Cliquot, and a vial of ground rhino tusk. Should such a thing ever come to pass, we exhort you, MTV: play that video.

[Photo Credit: X17]

How was Russell? [Myspace]

MTV VMAs: 70 Seconds Worth Watching

Tracie — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:00:00 EDT

God, the VMAs were beyond boring this year. Even the people in the live audience didn't want to be there. You know it's bad when Jamie Foxx has to come out on stage and literally tell people to wake up. I think the show's producers were hoping they'd be credited for introducing Russell Brand to America, hoping he'd be the new Borat. Except, he sucked, so he's actually the new Yahoo Serious. Nice knowin' ya, Russell! And you know, not that I really care about how the award winners are determined, or that I even give any credence to the legitimacy of these things, but how fucking bullshit was it that Britney walked away with all three awards that she was nominated for, just so that MTV could get her to show up? Anyway, above you'll find the awards boiled down to the only 70 seconds worth seeing.

Is Britney Spears Plotting A Comeback In The Perilous Land Of The All-You-Can-Eat $4.99 Buffet?

Molly Friedman — Fri, 23 May 2008 12:29:12 EDT

According to reports in everyone’s favorite trusted supermarket tabloid, Britney Spears is allegedly deep in planning mode for Comeback #487. Sources tell the National Enquirer that Spears is shelling out up to $10 million on what sounds like a very tasteful, classy-by-way-of-Louisiana string of song-and-dance shows at The Palms, one of K. Fed’s favorite places to ~~sink into debt~~ play the big baller. Where Spears is coming up with all this cash, considering most of her dough is currently going towards her father’s daily rate for babysitting, is still a mystery. But based on the description of her latest plan to “jump-start her career,” we’re not so sure these shows will do much aside from force us to remember Britney Spears Comebacks number 1 through 486:

As their source puts it, "She wants to make a splashy comeback in Las Vegas. She wants the show to be full of high energy and flashy costume changes." And while costume changes would be refreshing after her most infamous Comeback in that bejeweled bikini, her slightly varied outfits throughout that post-rehab string of weavetastic surprise shows at small venues didn't help to disguise the fact that she'd lost her dancing prowess, nor did they help plug our ears. But we do enjoy the use of the word "flashy." A dose of flash or two could have gone a long way towards saving her gritty pole-dancing performance in the video for "Gimme More." Putting aside our lack of belief in her latest scheme, we're primarily worried about Spears spending so much time in Vegas. The last time she "appeared" at an event on the Strip, she wound up wobbly welcoming the New Year before promptly passing out. Lest we forget, this is also the city that hosted her merry garter-adorned dream wedding. What happens to Britney in Vegas rarely stays in Vegas, unfortunately.

SPEARS IN TALKS TO STAGE VEGAS SHOWS [Contact Music]