The Wrap reports that the film—in which Baron Cohen plays gay Austrian fashion correspondent Bruno who talks about doing ickies with other men—got the basically-banned-from-theaters rating because, in part, the character "appears to have anal sex with a man on camera. In another, the actor goes on a hunting trip and sneaks naked into the tent of one of the fellow hunters, an unsuspecting non-actor."

Baron Cohen's previous outing with Universal, Borat, initially earned an NC-17 as well, but was re-edited and got its coveted R. That film had a famous naked men wrestling sequence, though it wasn't as overtly homocentric as Bruno butt fucking or going on a talk show to discuss same-sex parenting, adopted black baby in tow. The notoriously homo and dick-phobic ratings board just can't abide that. Baron Cohen has appealed and the film will go back to the editing room to try and come up with a more palatable version.

Meanwhile the gratuitous tits of a movie not trying to say anything at all except "Straight men! Whoo!" like the abysmal College sail comfortably under the radar. Boys will be boys, not do them.

But few know that Hollywood's greatest pre-Rahm Washington liaison was once pinkballed by J. Edgar Hoover's FBI. In 1964, Valenti was the Don Draper of the Houston advertising world, whereupon he won an appointment as a top aide to President Lyndon B. Johnson. There were whispers, though, that he had been engaged in suspiciously non-hetero activities; to wit, pulling a Franco in the White House pool. The Washington Post reports:

[I]n October 1964, a man whose name has been redacted from the records called an FBI official in New York. The caller encouraged the FBI to investigate Valenti "as a sex pervert," files show. "He based this request on the fact that he had read in the newspapers that Valenti swims in the nude in the White House pool."

A month later, the bureau found out that the Republican Party had hired a retired FBI agent to look into rumors that Valenti was attracted to men. The agents then focused on Valenti's relationship with the photographer, whose connections with Valenti had enabled him to photograph Johnson two years earlier, the memo said.

Six days later, Hoover reported the allegations to the president. Johnson spoke to Hoover lieutenant Cartha D. DeLoach and asserted that "Valenti was all right; however, his judgment was faulty inasmuch as he felt Jenkins had been all right," files show. DeLoach advised Johnson to have Valenti submit a sworn affidavit regarding his association with "this homosexual." Johnson demurred, saying Valenti had no need to defend himself.

"The President indicated that if I were to ask him if 'Lady Bird' were virtuous he would feel it would be unnecessary to reply, inasmuch as he knew 'Lady Bird' was virtuous," DeLoach wrote in a note."

Valenti was already one of Johnson's most trusted confidantes, standing just feet away as he took the oath of office aboard Air Force One after John F. Kennedy's assassination. LBJ may have used a Lady Bird trust analogy to protect his friend, but we suspect he really didn't care much one way or another. In those tumultuous days there was far more important business to attend to, and what a guy did naked in the White House pool with his longtime photographer companion was really nobody's business but his own.

• Valenti's Sexuality Was Topic For FBI [WashPo]

[In no particular order]

· The Thomas Crown Affair: The 1968 original was rated R simply for its suggestive chess match between Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway.

· The Panic in Needle Park: An early, ugly example of the MPAA's screenplay-vetting process talked up by Graves last summer. The 1971 Al Pacino starrer had its script rated X before going into production; the filmmakers revised drug-addiction and sexuality plot points to earn an R for the finished film. Pure censorship, and a process that continues to this day.

· Lost In Translation: Scarlett Johansson's sheer-pantied ass notwithstanding, Sofia Coppola's Oscar-winner was rated R for one brief scene of nudity in a Tokyo strip joint.

· Saints and Soldiers: This 2004 Mormon-produced WWII drama featuring no sex and minimal language and violence, but was threatened with an R-rating for one scene where a main character is shot and killed. The scene was cut; Saints received a PG-13.

· Facing the Giants: The producers of the 2006 Christian-themed football film battled with the ratings board after it ruled Giants' evangelical content was too emphatic for a G rating. It was the first and only time the MPAA had looked at spiritual themes as a basis for a more restrictive rating.

· Requiem For a Dream: Hit with an NC-17 for the climactic "ass-to-ass" orgy featuring Jennifer Connelly. Distributor Artisan released it without a rating, thus limiting its exposure in theater chains and advertising outlets.

· The arbitrarily-enforced "Tobacco Rule": The MPAA announced in 2007 that it would weight scenes featuring smoking when considering its rating. Yet a study last spring reported that 38% of G- and PG-rated movies and 58% of PG-13 movies got away with featuring tobacco use. Moreover, in 2003, the Oscar-nominated New Zealand film Whale Rider earned a PG-13 just for a brief shot of pot paraphernalia its makers refused to cut.

· The Passion of the Christ: Two years before Giants, the MPAA had used the same religious themes as its rationale for allowing The Passion of the Christ through uncut with an R-rating.

· Saving Private Ryan: Received an R-rating and a "history exemption" from the ratings board despite graphic war violence including dismembered bodies, disembowelments, exploded heads and close-ups of Nazi-on-Adam Goldberg homicide.

· Boys Don't Cry: Threatened with an NC-17 for a lingering shot of a topless Chloe Sevigny experiencing an orgasm, but allowed to keep the climactic rape scene and gunshot to Brondon Teena's head.

· Eyes Wide Shut: Received an NC-17 for explicit sexuality and nudity in a masked orgy sequence. Warner Bros. was forced to add digital obtrusions for an R, certainly just the way the late Stanley Kubrick would have wanted it.

· Dawn of the Dead: George Romero's second film in the Dead series was all but banned upon its release in 1978, when he avoided an X by agreeing to a conspicuous advertising disclaimer noting the film's graphic gore and violence — at least in the theaters that would have him.

· Showgirls: United Artists decide to embrace the NC-17 rating handed down for graphic nudity, sexuality and language in 1993, despite the resulting banishment from mainstream theater chains and advertising outlets. The critical evisceration was even more graphic, relegating the film to purgatory until its cult-canon renaissance in recent years.

· Basic Instinct: Another notorious Paul Verhoeven/Joe Esterhazs collaboration; cut huge chunks of graphic sex and violence for an R, but was allowed to keep Sharon Stone's infamous crotch shot.

· Henry and June: The first film to be released with an NC-17 rating, was an instant pariah among theater owners, newspaper publishers and audiences.

· The Dreamers: Nearly 30 years after his X-rated Last Tango in Paris featured Maroln Brando in an Oscar-nominated performance, Bernardo Bertolucci's '60s sex-cinema-politics fantasia died in the American arthouse ghetto with an NC-17.

· The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover: Helen Mirren (and pretty much everyone else) bared all in Peter Greenaway's controversial 1990 sex-and-cannibalism drama, which was released unrated by Miramax. Harvey Weinstein made the most of the controversy, and actually made $7 million theatrically despite the MPAA making a permament enemy of Greenaway.

· Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer: Another 1990 scandal that didn't pan out for its independent distributor; despite near-unanimous critical plaudits, its X rating and eventual unrated release died instantly in theaters, barely cracking $600,000 before finding eternal life (and an unlikely franchise) on video.

· Lust, Caution: Though Graves cites Ang Lee's graphically sexual Chinese espionage drama as an example of an ideal application of the NC-17, the film earned less than 8% of its $66 million worldwide gross in the United States. Worse yet, latching on to moral objections made loudest by the MPAA, the Chinese governement later banned star Tang Wei from acting again in her native country. (Co-star and Hong Kong legend Tony Leung Chiu Wai, though, experienced no such problems.)

· Waiting For Guffman: A classic example of the "Fuck Rule"; a Christopher Guest mockumentary with no sex or violence but featuring the F-word used one too many times in an actor's audition using the scene from Raging Bull. Its R-rating was upheld on appeal. (You can use "fuck" in a non-sexual way up to four times in and retain a PG-13 — maybe.)

· The Cooler: Threatened with an NC-17 for a brief glimpse of Maria Bello's pubic hair after receiving oral sex from William H. Macy. The shot was edited down for an R.

· L.I.E.: The 2001 indie drama was smacked with an NC-17 for its focus on the relationship between a pedophile (Brian Cox) and a teenage boy (Paul Dano). Its distributors lost an appeal and released the film unrated; it disappeared from theaters and was eventually re-cut for video to obtain an R-rating.

· Orgazmo: Trey Parker's Mormon-missionary porn comedy earned an NC-17 that — granted, along with its title — doomed it to a $602,000 box-office run in 1998. Sliver lining: Parker's MPAA battles became the basis for his and Matt Stone's instant classic South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, which faced more ratings hurdles but emerged with an R — and a $52 million gross — a year later.

· Captivity: The MPAA took the unprecedented step of suspending the ratings process for Roland Joffe's torture-porn opus after distributor After Dark Films ran advertisements the board deemed inappropriate. The film was eventually cut and released with an R-rating.

· The Hammer: The "fuck rule" again; Adam Carrolla's sexless, mildly violent boxing comedy was hit with an R for a single F-bomb.

· But I'm a Cheerleader: Jaime Babbit's drew an NC-17 for its depictions of lesbian sexuality and satirical treatment of gay-conversion therapy.

· A Dirty Shame: Long-time ratings-board nemesis John Waters released his raunchy 2004 comedy with an NC-17 after the raters insisted only a heavy re-edit could earn an R. Unable to procure advertising space or key theatrical venues, the film bombed.

· Where the Truth Lies: Atom Egoyan refused to cut a long, unedited take of a sex scene featuring Kevin Bacon and Rachel Blanchard, forcing him to release the film unrated. It made $872,000.

· This Film Is Not Yet Rated: Kirby Dick submitted his MPAA expose for a rating in 2005; having featured every cut scene from dozens former ratings-board target (not to mention a searing indictment of the board's hypocrisy), it drew an irrevocable NC-17 and was released unrated.

· Scream: Was first rated NC-17 for graphic violence but eventually trimmed by director Wes Craven to obtain an R rating.

· American Psycho: The combination of sex and violence in the satirical Bret Easton Ellis adaptation earned an NC-17 and was cut for an R.

· Billy Elliott: The endearing tale of a working-class 11-year-old boy's coming of age in a ballet class was a worldwide sleeper hit for all ages depite earning a ridiculous R-rating in the US for incidental language.

· Trainspotting: Required cutting of drug-induced depravity and violence to shake off its initial NC-17.

· Zack and Miri Make a Porno: Another Harvey Weinstein controversy special; Kevin Smith's raunchy comedy earned an NC-17 that was reduced to an R on appeal.

· Jersey Girl: Fours years earlier, Smith was required to tone down some of the frank sex talk between Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler to obtain the PG-13 he sought.

· The Dark Knight: Got away with a PG-13 despite featuring a character with half his face burned off, violent onscreen murders by the Joker and scads of other disturbing imagery.

· Max Payne: Required significant cuts of scenes of violence and disturbing imagery for a PG-13; director John Moore famously cited more severe material that appeared in The Dark Knight, accusing the ratings board of "sucking Warner Bros.' cock."

· There Will Be Blood: Also featured less blood and gore than The Dark Knight (and virtually no strong language) but received an R rating for "some violence."

· Crash: David Cronenberg refused to cut his perverse paean to car-wreck sex, stump-fucking and other depravity, releasing the film with an NC-17.

· Titanic: Received a PG-13 despite long, "artistic" topless shots of Kate Winslet and a (literally) steamy sex scene between Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio

· Gunner Palace: The Oscar-nominated Iraq documentary was faced with an R-rating for strong language; its filmmakers fought for a PG-13 and finally earned it on the basis of its journalistic nature.

"Ratings do not exist to cast judgment on whether a movie is 'good' or 'bad,' " he said. "The system is not a gatekeeper of society's morality and values. It does not require artists to promote behavior and beliefs deemed socially or morally upright."

He pointed to a near 80% approval ratings among parents of young children as a sign of the system's success. [...]

"Do I occasionally find a film offensive? You bet," the MPAA boss said. "I'm a moviegoer with my own political, social and moral views like anyone else. But that's beside the point of the rating system. It's about information, truth in labeling, allowing diverse voices and visions to be heard and seen, protecting freedom of expression ... all while respecting parents' desire for the information they need to raise their kids according to their beliefs, not those of whoever happens to be in charge at the time in either Washington or Hollywood."

We're not sure if Glickman was in fact "pointing" to that mysterious, unsubstantiated 80% approval figure with his middle finger or not, but it hardly matters in the end. This is the kind of funk you can't really fake: A big, happy Four-Oh to the world's most powerful film censorship group and, if you ask nicely after the speech, a decidedly NC-17 demonstration of his toe-curling studio-fellatio talents. No cameras, please!

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Dan Glickman cheers as ratings turn 40 [THR]

"We’re suffering from what I call Batman blowback. The Motion Picture Association of America gave The Dark Knight a PG-13 rating and basically sucked Warner Bros. cock…"

The MPAA changes their rules willy-nilly and it depends on who’s seeing your actual movie at the time. It’s very difficult to get a hold on what’s acceptable. The only thing you can use is current standards. So I go and see The Dark Knight and I say, “Gee, that’s pretty gnarly for PG-13,” but I felt good about Max Payne after coming out of the theater. I thought Max wasn’t going to have a problem. And that’s not the case. They’re coming down on us pretty hard. [...]

[The MPAA] really hung themselves with The Dark Knight. Every other filmmaker in town is knocking on their door saying, “Please sir, may I have my PG-13 rating and be as fair to my movie as you were to The Dark Knight.”

Indeed, we suspect the MPAA will find they've opened a Pandora's Box by being so dazzled by shiny Bat Gadgetry as to let their stringent decency standards fall by the wayside. There's no turning back once the board develops what the industry deems a slutty reputation, and you start finding the kinds of unseemly graffiti defacing their venerated ratings cards as the one we've mocked up for you above.

• Max Payne Director John Moore Just A Tad Pissed With Film Ratings Board [dasgamer via /Film]

*Americans, please unclick this post.

[via Adfreak]

Nowadays Graves' office even accepts scripts to review for a ratings opinion. "We don't guarantee the film made from a script will get a certain rating, but we can give them an idea. We can say, well, you've got two 'fucks' in the script, or the violence on Page X sounds brutal. One of our senior raters is very good at assessing scripts. Another is the filmmaker liaison, to answer production questions like: 'How much nudity can we show in this scene?' " Graves says the liaison issues are "the most interesting part of the job for me, and growing larger." ...

Another problem, though, is that studios may embroider on the feedback they receive from the ratings board and request editing changes as if they were demands by the ratings board. Graves says, "We don't make editing suggestions. So if a director complains, 'The ratings board said we have to change the whole first half of the film,' they're clearly being lied to." She predicts, however, that such scapegoating has peaked: directors, who are "wising up" to the studio trick, insist on speaking directly with the ratings person.

Of course, as author Sonja Bolle notes, only 28 percent of the more than 800 movies submitted annually to the ratings board come from MPAA members, meaning that the lion's share of the remaining 72 percent — mostly American independents already facing limited distribution options — are accountable only to Graves and company for the rating that can single-handedly make or break its profit potential.

The results of that arrangement are evident to anyone who's seen Kirby Dick's ratings board documentary This Film is Not Yet Rated, which itself exposed the board's anonymous raters (just average parents — except their kids are mostly over 30), studio-vs.-indie hypocrisy and received an NC-17 when producers at IFC submitted it in 2005. But there she is, Stanford's pride of 1963, still seething about the time Bertolucci's PG-13 epic The Last Emperor apparently forced her to explain shrimping to her young daughters. Everyone knew she'd go far.

• Discretion Adviser [Stanford Magazine via TBP]

“Shame on ‘The Incredible Hulk’ for unnecessarily adding smoking to a sequel that would have been just as exciting and believable without it,” said Dianne Fenyk, President of the [American Medical Association (AMA) Alliance]. “Universal Studios and the other Hollywood studios should be especially embarrassed for using comic book movies, which they market to children and know youth will want to see, to promote tobacco.” [...]

The AMA Alliance is encouraging its 27,000 members to alert their local media and communities about the smoking in ”The Incredible Hulk,” as well as to continue pressuring the MPAA, Universal Studios and its other studio members to remove smoking once-and-for-all from youth-rated films.

Universal counters that they've made all the necessary MPAA-requested adjustments to their marketing materials; further, once the context for the film's tobacco-use is fully grasped, impressionable youths all over America will be turning "green with rage" at having to inhale second-hand smoke, and wind up "smaaaashing out" butts, just like their gargantuan hero. We're not entirely convinced, however, as the above tie-in with smooth, refreshing Kool-brand menthol cigarettes suggests to us that this is one superhero franchise that may be on the Big Tobacco take.

• americanlegacy.org
• incrediblehulk.marvel.com

If your kids simply must watch the Cartoon Network, they will be overwhelmed with ads for all kinds of tooth-rotting junk, including Pop Tarts, Lucky Charms, Reese's Puffs and some concoction called Froot Loops Cereal Straws. But critics say there's a different pediatric health risk on the cable channel — promotions tied to violent, PG-13-rated movies. ...

While studios can't sell R-rated movies directly to young kids, they have more flexibility — but not total freedom — in how they market PG-13 releases to children, with some limitations on when certain ads can and can't run. So instead of directly pitching the violent movies straight to little children, the studios are using a more subtle tactic: They let their promotional partners do their bidding through licensed toys and snacks.

So if your 4-year-old suddenly says he has to see The Incredible Hulk — rated PG-13 in part for "sequences of intense action violence" and "some frightening sci-fi images" — it could be that he's seen a Hulk Airheads candy spot running in the middle of the morning on Cartoon Network's Robotboy."

Angry families, meanwhile, have had enough of Hulk Smash Hands: The "Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood" has reached out to the Federal Trade Commission, which in turn scolded the MPAA. As befits their role as the story's imperious bête noire, the MPAA merely yawned in response ("The PG-13 rating is not a restrictive rating and admission is permitted by — and often may be appropriate for — children younger than 13"), thus inspiring a toy-store raid on Lil' Villagers™ Pitchfork-and-Torch Lynch Mob Sets in the first defiant, symbolic step against Hollywood's youth stranglehold.

• Teen flicks targeted at children [LAT]

"When times are bad, our business seems to buck the trend," says Dan Glickman. ... "The movies are great therapy. It's a lot cheaper than a psychiatrist." ...

At an average of less than $7 a ticket, compared to $23 for a Major League Baseball game and more than $50 for a concert, "movies are still a good value," says Glickman. "There's still this great desire to go on dates and have a social experience and a communal experience."

Indeed, there is something almost spiritual about sharing unintentional laughs with your fellow Indiana Jones 4 viewers, or the firefly-esque light show of watch- and phone-checking accompanying Get Smart. Author Rebecca Winters Keegan likewise notes the historical trend in grosses to rise during economic slowdowns like the energy crisis of the '70s and the dot-com crash. Of course, those were the days before Netflix, YouTube, iTunes, affordable home theaters and other, more personalized entertainment options, but who cares, says Encino's resident number-cruncher quote-whore Paul Dergarabedian: "That makes it a little harder to predict. But I still think the recession will have a negligible effect. If anything, you might see people cutting back on concessions." Just add a little recession-friendly alcohol behind the counters, though, and hear those cash registers sing.

• Hollywood to Recession: Bring It! [Time]

Ripped copies of commercial DVDs have replaced screener copies, thanks to early-release DVDs from other world regions. Those DVDs, which skip the special features and image processing that go into American releases, were originally made to sell copies earlier in countries like Russia, where pirated screeners get ripped to DVD and are sold on the street. But by beating the pirates to the punch in the East, distributors helped viewers in the West get high-quality pirated movies before the Academy even got their screeners.

But that's not all the irony! Fear of piracy can also kill a film's Oscar chances. Baio noted in last year's piracy roundup that late and broken screeners probably killed Munich's Oscar shot in 2005, and that Crash won Best Picture after sending screeners to all the voters it could, while Disney took such anti-piracy pains that over a fourth of Academy voters didn't even watch its screeners, and Narnia only won Best Makeup.

Since some studios seem willing to kill their chances at an Oscar just to keep leaks off the Internet, I want to know: How many of you actually pirate movies online?

· Though the number was down 10 percent from the same time last year, American Idol's 29.1 million viewers were more than enough to steamroll any doomed schedule-filler its network competition bothered to run against the Nielsen juggernaut™ [Variety]
· The Oscar season success of specialty units like Paramount Vantage, Miramax and Fox Searchlight seems to indicate that their major-studio parents have given up the burden of making "good" movies, conceding quality, awards-attracting filmmaking to their quirkier, lower-budgeted divisions. [Variety]
· The Sci Fi Channel has picked up the rights to Jericho reruns, demonstrating a willingness to weather the peanut-shipping wrath of the show's hard-core fanbase should the network ever decide to pull the series from its schedule. [THR]

• IT Crowd antipiracy ad [YouTube]

(The duo have been dispatched to New York City by MPAA head Dan Glickman and Mayor Bloomberg, both thirsty for local pirate blood.) Once we managed to successfully tune out the droning voice of muffin-brained inquisitor Ann Curry, the moment Lucky successfully located the luggage containing the counterfeit quarry instantly thawed our icy, shriveled hearts.

• Fresh Off Malaysian Triumph, DVD-Sniffing Dogs Tackle New York [NY Times]
• [Today]

Two American sniffer dogs who found millions of pirated DVDs while on loan to Malaysian authorities will receive medals of honor when their six-month assignment ends next week, an official said Thursday.

Black Labradors Lucky and Flo will be celebrated at an awards ceremony Monday before they return home to New York, said Nor Hayati Yahaya, the Motion Picture Association's manager for Malaysia.

Lucky and Flo — on loan from the U.S.-based association — have helped uncover pirated DVDs and equipment worth $6 million since they came to Malaysia in March, Nor Hayati said. The cases led to 26 arrests.

While the story provides a fittingly happy ending for the duo, we're reluctant to think about whatever became of those 26 arrested pirates—though we feel compelled to point out that Lucky and Flo's coats have never been shinier since their handlers switched them to their mysterious new gluten-free dog food.

• Malaysian Award for DVD - Sniffing Dogs [NY Times]

[Special thanks to the Defamer reader who somehow caught this as it flashed by during a commercial that ran on Li'l Bush last night.]

• Previously: Offensive BillboardWatch: Captivity's Secret Victims 7 [Defamer]