Gawker: defamer, motorcycle

Orlando Bloom: Tough Yet Adorable

Douglas Reinhardt — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:20:00 EDT

Swashbuckling super star Orlando Bloom boldly announced to New York City that he's the proud owner of a motorcycle on Thursday afternoon. Bloom spent over five minutes reviving up the motor's engine while waiting for girlfriend, Miranda Kerr, to come downstairs. Once the Victoria's Secret model finally arrived, Bloom helped his sweetie put on her helmet. Kerr asked Bloom about his brand new chopper, but she was quickly corrected. Bloom said, "It's not a chopper, baby. It's an urban motorcycle. Hey, do I look like a tough guy yet?" Kerr shook her head "No" and added that he should incorporate more leather and denim into his outfit.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Does This Make Me Look Tough?

Douglas Reinhardt — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:15:00 EDT

Boomp3.com

Professional swashbuckler Orlando Bloom attempted to do a fellow New Yorker a solid by standing guard over a motorcycle. The biker had to make a quick stop at a nearby Duane Reade and Bloom gladly offered his watching services. As soon as the man disappeared into the pharmacy, Bloom hopped on the machine and mimed the sounds of speeding away as he pretended that his girlfriend was clutching him around his waist. As Bloom began to shake the bike back and forth, he accidentally caused the kickstand to break, which sent the mean machine crashing to the ground. Bloom quickly ran down the street and into the nearest subway station.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

George Clooney, Girlfriend Hurt In Motorcycle Accident In New Jersey

Ray Wert — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 11:19:15 EDT

The smug-causing star of Oceans 9 10 11 and his girlfriend Sarah Larson were injured on Friday when Clooney crashed the motorcycle they were on while driving on a narrow road across the Hudson River in Jersey. Clooney's reportedly suffered a broken rib and Larson broke her foot. Both have been released from the Palisades medical center where they'd been treated. According to Sgt. Sean Kelly, the Weehawken police officer in charge of the investigation:

"Clooney and Larson were traveling north and sped up to pass on the right of a 1999 Mazda Millenia that was preparing to make a right turn."

Although there's apparently some question as to whether the Millenia was looking to go right or left, there's no dispute that passing on the right, as it is pretty much everywhere with left-hand drive cars, is a no-no. Clooney's spokesman Stan Rosenfeld, obviously upset with having to work on erev Yom Kippur is telling it like it is

"The car signaled left. George was riding to the right. The driver decided to make an abrupt right turn and clipped George..."

Or not — what does "riding to the right" mean? Whatever — fear not though, because we're hearing the movie he's filming with Brad Pitt in Jersey is not "Oceans 14" and unfortunately, it's expected to be right on schedule. [via Detroit News]

Photo Credit: Mike Carrillo / Getty Images Entertainment

Knievel sues Kanye: Does He Know He Ain't Messin' With No Broke Singer?

Ray Wert — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 13:56:55 EST

"Evel ain't nothin' but a gold digger, but he ain't messin' with no broke singer."

The man known mostly for jumping and twirling through the air with the greatest of ease — is now jumping through the dangers of the federal court system, filing a lawsuit in federal court claiming rapper Kanye West has infringed on his trademark name and likeness. Apparently the erstwhile college dropout takes on a persona in a new video he's called "Evel Kanyevel" — who then procedes to jump a motorcycle over a canyon. But I've got to say the claims of the man with the real name of "Robert Craig" that

"[the] video that Kanye West put out is the most worthless piece of crap I've ever seen in my life, and he uses my image to catapult himself on the public..."

may not be the most accurate claim, then again — maybe it's just that Kanye doesn't care about bike people. – Ray Wert

Evel Knievel sues Kanye West [Freep]

Related:
Am I Evel? I Am Cad: Knievel's De Camino [internal]