1) G-Force — $32.2. million
As we bemoaned earlier, the success of this film likely means that there will be many, many more awful animation/live-action hybrids to come. Oh, look! Here's one already! The thing about these movies that's really annoying is that because there are live action elements in them, the filmmakers seem to feel like, for some reason, they can be a bit more risque. Because, what?, adults are going to go because they want to see Jason Lee embarrass himself? Whatever the reasoning, it ends up with us having to see poop eating and stuff. Jokes that the classy Pixar and its classy-wannabes would never stoop to. Because animation is art. And live-action is everything else. So live-action/animation is... just pure shit. I mean poop. Eat it.

2) Harry Potter and the Dumbledore Dies — $30 million
Not that this movie is doing bad or anything. It's already grossed like $220 million in the States, not to mention the foreign box office, but still... This thing couldn't beat motherfucking G-Force? 'Tis a sad day for Potterville. Maybe number six is just too dark. What with the gloom and emotions and turmoil and people dying and stuff. Good thing no one dies in the last bo—... Oh. Oh wait. Shit. I mean poop.

3) The Awful Truth — $27 million
Even though this movie seems toxic and horrid, it still did pretty well. Even though Katherine Heigl has, somehow, squandered most of the good will she earned before/during/after Knocked Up, it still did pretty well. Even though Gerard Butler is nothing more than a poorly-accented talking leg of mutton, it still did pretty well. Even though John Michael Higgins and Cheryl Hines were crying all the way to the bank on this one, it still did pretty well. Even though there is no discernible reason why anyone, short of self-loathing masochists, would want to see this apparently dreadful "film", it still actually did really well. Poop. I mean shit.

4) Orphan — $12.8 million
DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THE SUPER SECRET SPOILER ENDING. But why wouldn't you want to? Because it is awesome. Orphan is a movie about a secret dwarf who kills people. It is not about a creepy demon kid. It is not about a ghost possessing a child. It is not about a weird cult that pretends to be an orphanage. Nope. Orphan is about a secret hooker 33-year-old dwarf who kills people. It did pretty OK for a horror B-movie in the thick of gushy summer. A movie about a nearing-middle-age Estonian dwarf who kills people did pretty well against a movie about computer guinea pigs who solve crimes for real humans. SHIT.

11) (500) Days of Summer — $1.63 million
Ohhh twee indie success! Though only open on less than a hundred screens, this gimmicky and highly cultivated feature is doing a nice, tidy little business. We here at the Gawkerdrome didn't care for it as much as we hoped to. It just felt... way too forced. And really derivative (in a bad way) of the farrrrr superior Eternal Sunshine. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is like having a delicious chocolate-chip sundae talk to you, and other things look really pretty too, but as a whole it's just a far more conventional film than it seems to think it is. (It clearly thinks very highly of itself. And, sadly, it shouldn't.) Ah well. Good for it anyway.

1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince — $79.5 million
Did you have to sit in the front row this weekend because all the cineplexes were packed with hooch-swillin hipsters and wonderment-enthusiasts? We did! But wasn't it grand (in spite of Snape's man bangs)

2. Ice Age: Dawn of The Dinosaurs — $17.7 million
What kind of fun-hating parent dragged their kid to see this CGI'd kind of dullness instead of Harry Potter this weekend? Shame on them! Is it because of Potter's pagan themes or sexually subversive undertones? It's a bewildering world when a project involving Dennis Leary is considered family friendly.

3. Transformers: Rise of the Fallen — $13.8 million
Bay's mediation on the illusory nature of plot still continues to resonate with movie goers. In the cacophony of noise and the visual abyss nestled between Megan Fox's chest orbs, the modern movie man can confront the terrifying absurdity of existence. I mean, it's tough now-a-days to get audiences to sit through an art flick so a drop to third place this week is still an admirable position to be in.

4. Brüno — $8.4 million
Aw, you guys remember Brüno? You know that hateful little mockumentary that shoved a mirror in Appalachia's meth ravaged face and said "Look! Look at what an ugly homophobic face you have!" And how we talked about it! As if it would be some kind of milestone in cinematic gay-straight relations. But now, just two weeks since Brüno's shoved his gadfly tushie in our bigoted faces, we realize that the culture has shifted beneath Brüno's Bavarian feet. Audiences don't seemed thrilled to witness others humiliated just to prove a political point.

5. The Hangover — $8.3 million
The man driven laffer continues to pull in the cargo-short set. And good for them! Warners hasn't made this much money with an R-rated summer comedy since Beverly Hills Cop — not to be confused with Beverly Hills Ninja which stared Chris Farley. Hm, is Zach Greekname the thinking man's Farley? Or is he like the hipsters' Eddie Murphy?

6. through 9. The Proposal Up My Sister's Public Enemies — various millions
Sandra Bullock's embargo on time travel movies has proved to be a wise decision with another $ 8.3 million for The Proposal this weekend. Public Enemies, Michael Mann's 2-hour love letter to boring made $7.6 million. What's Up is that Pixar is still being beautiful and rich at the box office with $ 3.1 million this weekend. And even though My Sister's Keeper, which made $2.8 million, looks like 90 minute paper cut we should all still think good thoughts about Abigail Breslin because she's just a walking glob of adorable talent.

1) Brüno — $30.4 million
While it started really strong on Friday with $14.4 million, the film didn't quite hold on the rest of the weekend, and eventually fell significantly below expectations. (Some had even hoped for $50 million). What this has to say about America and the Gays remains to be discussed in myriad thinkies on Slate or in the Times. For now, though, we'll just mention that the movie got a lousy C from CinemaScore, meaning word-of-mouth sales won't be nearly as high as they were for Borat. So a strong opening day, then a slight fizzle. It'll probably fall even more drastically next weekend.

2) Ice Age: Dawn of the Dead, Fallen Machines or Whatever — $28.5 million
Man oh man, people just love them some computer animated weird animals in weird situations saying weird things. We don't quite get why this movie is doing so well ($120 million in two weeks), considering it and its predecessors have so little aesthetic value. People just inexplicably love Ray Romano. That's the only answer. That's all it can be.

3) Transformers: Dinosaur Salvation or Whatever — $24.2 million
$339.2 million in three weeks! Egads. Is Ray Romano in this thing? Did people get confused when they saw John Turturro in the trailer and though it was Everybody's Raymond? Or, wait, I don't know any 14-year-old boys so I haven't heard much about this aspect of the movie, but does Megan Fox blow something up with her tits or something? Is that what it is? Does Megan Fox blow Ray Romano up with her tits? Wait, but then people would be mad and wouldn't want to see it. She blows Doris Roberts up with her tits, right? That must be it. That's it.

4) & 5) Public Enemies: Nothing After the Colon, Actually No Colon at All & The Proposal: Canadian and Fabulous — $14.1 million & $10.5 million
So Michael Mann's art house popcorn film lurches toward the $70 million mark, and we can't tell if that's a success or a failure! For a summertime Johnny Depp movie? Failure. For an artsy, high-def-shot crime picture with decidedly no robots or magic Explode-O-Tits? Success! Speaking of success, Sandra Bullock has trotted gamely across the $100 million line for the first time in nine years, so good for her. Crazy thing is, because now is such a different time than then, this flick is going to surpass Speed to be her biggest movie yet. I mean, Speed! That was a phenomenon! Money just means different things now. Sigh.

7) I Love You, Beth Cooper — $5 million
This Chris Columbus-directed annoyathon did decent business on 1,800 screens. It won't become some summer sleeper, we don't think, but it's not a complete disaster either. What this spells for Hayden Paneepenty or whatever's career, we're not sure. But we're scared it might mean good things. Or at least it doesn't mean bad things. Which is what we were hoping for. Bad things. Sorry. It's just... Heroes. Ugh.

1) Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs AND Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen — $42.5 million
Apparently people wanted animated anachronisms just as much as they wanted animated inanity this weekend, as the film about dinosaurs returning because of secret caves many years after they'd gone extinct tied with the film about evil robots returning just a few years after they'd been defeated in street-destroying battle. In the five-day weekend release, Ice Age nabbed over $67 million, just a little bit more than Transformers earned in its first day alone. So while the dinos were able to co-rule the Earth this weekend, they'd have been crushed like so many Decepticon skulls had they tried these shenanigans last week. Plus Ice Age doesn't have a writhing, be-Daisy Duke'd mini-Jolie in it, does it? That'd be weird if it did.

3) Public Enemies — $26.2 million
Some grownups and curious skinny-panted budding young film nerds went to the movies too this weekend, helping the major studio art-house gangsta picture rob some $41 million from America's wallets. Unfortunately for the film's word-of-mouth prospects, it only earned a B from CinemaScore audience polling, meaning those grownups might not, in mid wine bottle opening, stop and say "Hank, what's the name of that movie we saw, with the pirate guy? About the mobsters?" [from another room] "Public Enemies!" "Right, right. Well, Susan, it was pretty exciting. Steve would love it I bet. Honey??? Wouldn't Steve love it???" [from another room] "Yeah, he would!" And those budding film geeks? They'll sit at Denny's at 1am and light a Camel Light and tousle their hair in faux deep thought and say "It's one of Mann's lesser films." And Dawn and Patrick will smirk and Allison will quietly swoon and then the waitress will come and they'll just order more coffee and man, this summer feels like forever.

4) The Proposal — $12.8 million
What do you think it's like to be a movie star going to the ATM? Like, you're walking down the street and want to go to lunch and figure you'll need some cash so you go to the nearest vestibule. And you type in your PIN and the thing asks you "This is going to cost $2, is that OK?" and you don't even think about it, press Yes, and then you take out $100 or something and it spits out your receipt or displays your balance on screen and it reads "$15,785,232." That's your checking account. I mean, that must be so fucking nuts. Well, anyway, Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds are probably experiencing that right now, as their film chugs to the brink of the $100 million mark, and they're guaranteed at least another six weeks of stardom. People love Sandy Bullock, which we've known. People also love Ryan Reynolds, which we're just finally figuring out. Snarky sincerity, for the win.

5) The Hangover — $10.4 million
Yeah, I've had a $200 million hangover before too. I mean, that's how it felt. I didn't actually make two hundred million dollars off it. I didn't actually make any money. The grilled cheese delivery guy maybe gave me the wrong change and I made a buck or something. But, that's it. Sigh.

6) Up — $6.6 million
This is now the second highest grossing Pixar film ever. Finding Nemo still holds the top spot, because that was just a phenomenon. It was huge! Remember when that damn thing came out? Everybody was talking about the Nemo. "Where is he? Has he been found? Where do you think he went? Is he under this rock? Check your shoes, is he in there? What about the junk drawer? Allison, honey, before you meet your friends at the Denny's, look in the back of your closet. We gotta find this Nemo. Oh, and Steve, Hank and Linda called, they want to get together for dinner this week. Nemo? Nemo??? Where are you??" That was what it was like. Whereas in this case, Up is just balloon-buoyed by really expensive 3D tickets, I suspect.

Image via Getty

1) The Proposal — $34.1 million
Dag, you guys. People just really like Sandra Bullock. Ever since she nervously steered a speeding explode-O-bus around Los Angeles and everyone said "awww", the woman has been near-unstoppable. Yes there have been the sad little failures like Premonition and many other movies that exist that she's done, but here's something! A mid-summer romantic comedy with, yes, little competition that just barnstormed the fucker and won the weekend pretty handily. She beat the drunken, sad, lonely ugly boys of The Hangover, as she should have, and I guess you've Ryan Reynolds' chiseled Canadia-O-physique to thank too. Everyone likes to see Canadians pretend to be Americans while Americans pretend to be Canadians and then there's a party in Alaska with Betty White. That's just what people like.

2) The Hangover — $26.9 million
Dude. WTF. Could a summer comedy ever hope for this? Will a summer comedy demand this again? Yes, and yes, probably. Now that one alchemy witch-moment of summer film magick has occurred, like an incident at Owl Creek, ey'body's gonna try and reproduce it. I've said this before and will continue saying it so long as I'm under the employ of the Gawker Media thunderdome: Dudes like other dudes who like ladies and get drunk a lot. This is a fact like rain or terminal rickets. Some things exist in this world, other things don't. The Dudes abiding will always exist, like sand in your shoes at the end of the summer. Or like bearded men running, wild and frothing, through the Nevada desert. A constant. The Northern Star.

3) Up — $21.3 million
Oh, and people also like magical-mystical-wonderful-sad animated 3D movies about old men who learn to be young again. Everyone knows that Pixar films do well at the box office—they're basically guaranteed quality, and every parent from potato chip-sucking Decatur little league mom to NPR-marinated hippie-dip castoff Brooklyn dad will take their youngins—but this is a special case. Special because it's not based on anything and its concept, while High, isn't really the same as Cars Come Alive or Robots In Love. This story is weird and a bit sideways. But no one seems to mind. Because, look, balloons! And other wonderful things. That old man is learning to love again. Love!!

4) Year One — $20.2 million
Hm. Well, this didn't go as well planned. This is a movie that cost $60 million to make, which is ridiculous, and probably a lot more to market. Plus Jack Black is such guaranteed comedy money. Oh, well, wait. No, I guess he's really not. That was just a dream some of us had. Ah well. So was it the unreliable Black factor that made this movie underperform? Was it the headlining of minnowy nobody Michael Cera? Was is that Harold Ramis decided to make a romp through biblical stories and wayyy revisionist prehistory that no one really got the whole thrust of? Yes. To all of that.

5) The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 — $11.3 million
Oh dear. Something about this movie just didn't quite stick. Denzel fatigue? Travolta apathy? Perhaps yes. Also, what the damn hell is that title all about? I know it's been explained to me, and I believe it. But c'mon folks. You just don't title a summer movie like that. You just don't. No one wants to do a math problem here. We just want fucking popcorn.

Image via Getty

1) The Hangover — $33.4 million
Dude. Proving that word-of-mouth is more powerful movie mojo than any marketing trick, tool, or stratagem combined, this $35 million film has earned three times that much in just two weeks. Dropping only about 25% from last weekend's debut barnstorm, this thing is likely to keep going and going and going until it's earned over $200 million and everyone is fattened and wealthy and, yes, drunk. Would you have ever guessed that Heather Graham would be back in the top spot again? Or that Rachel Harris would ever be there for the first time? Or Mike Tyson? This is the stuff of comedy weirdo dreams and, oh lord yes, you can expect a long string of knock-offs. The K-Hole starring Breckin Meyer, anyone?

2) Up — $30.5 million
Lordy, this one can't be stopped either. Pic's already hauled in nearly $190 million, and it hasn't even opened overseas yet. Pixar has a proud history of stomping the international yard, and this flick ought to be no exception. Unless they can't get a good foreign guy to do a decent Ed Asner impression. Because that's really key. Also, Belgian people just don't like balloons. Don't ask them why. They just don't like 'em. And we all know how much the Japanese hate fat boy scouts. A lot.

3) The Taking of Pelham 123 — $25 million
Am I an idiot that I can't figure out just what the fuck subway car the thing is supposed to be? Is it on the 123 line? It doesn't look like it in the trailers. Maybe everyone else was confused too, because this movie just didn't open the way people had hoped it would. And it actually got some decent reviews. I guess the lesson is this: Denzel opens well in the spring or fall or winter, when he doesn't have slobby belching comedians and magic houses to contend with. And John Travolta? Well, I fear the era of John Travolta may have been mortally wounded around the time of Battlefield Earth and never quite recovered. That was when he finally teetered over the brink from kinda unhinged in a cool way (so great in Face/Off!) to just fucking weird and indulgent and completely unhinged in unpleasant way. That said, Old Dogs will do a billion dollars when it opens.

5) Land of the Lost — $9.6 million
Yeesh. This thing is basically dead now. With only some $35 million earned so far, the hundred-million-dollar movie will have to go big overseas (it won't—ferners don't really get our funny stuff) or do crazy on DVD (it won't—people will forget it even exists) to make any sorta profit. So, sad for everyone, but hopefully at least one good thing will come out of this. One hopes that the hideous trend that began maybe fifteen years ago of people looking at kitschy old TV shows and making movies out of them will end. I mean, yeah, The Brady Bunch Movie was kind of funny and... um... wait is that it? What am I forgetting? Lost in Space: Unbelievable trainwreck. Beverly Hillbillies: Un-fucking-watchable. Bewitched: Will, why? Starsky & Hutch: Maybe one funny joke. Miami Vice: Maybe sorta interesting, maybe also extremely boring. Basically what we're saying is: You sure you wanna do this, people producing The A Team?

6) Imagine That — $5.7 million
Buried by an almost completely-silent marketing campaign and then a raft of shitty reviews, the latest Eddie Murphy flop isn't even surprising. During his brief regaining of the BO crown—around the Nutty Professor/Dr. Doolittle age—Murphy's blend of crazy! and family seemed unstoppable. Now it's... entirely stoppable. Like less than $2,000 per screen on an opening weekend stoppable. I guess you have to respect Murphy for keepin' on plugging away. Maybe for every Imagine That or Meet Dave or Norbit there's also a... disappointing Oscar lose for Dreamgirls. Hey, at least you have The Incredible Shrinking Man and Beverly Hills Cop IV to look forward to, Eddie! At least there's... that.

1) Up — $44.2 million
Well, Pixar continues its terrifying and complete reign of supremacy. Their 3D South American jungle adventure—about an old man who captures a little boy in his floating balloon house and dangles him in front of dangerous animals—raked in another hefty sum. Part of that was due to the higher-priced 3D tickets, which are becoming all the rage. Pretty soon you'll be seeing Michael Haneke or Wong Kar Wai making meditative weirdo foreign films that Jump. Right. At You!

2) The Hangover — $43.3 million
Once the actuals are determined, this bro-bait sleeper hit could end up going over the top and beating those two gay balloon lovebirds. Either way, it's still an astoundingly strong debut for a movie that doesn't have any stars and has a strong R rating. Will this finally make Bradley Cooper a movie star? Will director Todd Phillips ascend to the ranks of Apatow and Stiller? "No" and "Maybe", would be my guesses. Who I'm most excited for, though, are Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis, two funny gents who ought to finally have some weight to throw around dusty old Hollywood. Since audiences gave the thing a can't-be-beat A CinemaScore, and as there's no direct competition on the near horizon, these drunken buffoons ought to stumble and belch their way safely through the next few weeks, unmolested.

UPDATE: Final tallies are in, and The Hangover did, in fact, beat Up this weekend, $45 million to $44.4 million. A photo finish! [Variety]

3) Land of the Lost — $19.5 million
Oh dear. Will Ferrell was back in the game with Step Brothers, but now he's right back out. Playing on almost 300 more screens than Hangover, it managed to gross less than half of that made-on-the-cheap flick's haul. Was it the bad reviews? Was it that no one could quite tell if it was a children's movie or for grownups? Was it that every gag in the commercials and trailers was gross and had to do with either blood, snot, or pee? I mean, "Matt Lauer can suck it!" was sorta funny, but that was... about it. I like Ferrell, so don't wish him failure, but this whole project always seemed a bit iffy as a bigtime summer competitor. Maybe if it came out in March or something. Then again, maybe not even then. It got a lousy C+ CinemaScore, which means no one will tell their friends to go and the thing will quickly disappear. Some call it banished to a land where things are... lost.

6) Terminator Salvation — $8.5 million
John Connor: The Yelling Chronicles finally crossed the $100 million mark! So good for them and the giganto Arnie robots and the filthy, soot-covered cherub nymph that is Anton Yelchin, and Moonwalker Bloodypants or whatever her name is, but most of all good for McG, who managed to take a great at best and decent at worst franchise and run it straight into the ash-strewn ground. Do you think he and Brett Ratner ever get together and talk about X-Men: The Last Stand and Salvation and sort of half chuckle, half weep for an hour or two, then drive off in their fancy cars to their mansions and eventually forget all about it? I'll bet they do.

9) My Life in Ruins — $3.2 million
A depressingly apt title. Poor Nia Vardalos flew so high seven years ago when her cheesy (feta!) little indie-that-could My Big Fat Joey Fatone slowly stormed the box office and, presumably, made her very very rich. But a failed TV series and a short string of guest spots later, her new sad Greek lady rehash has stumbled out of the gate with a lowly sum. Or has it? The flick's only playing on 1,164 screens, giving it a higher per-screen average than the number five film this week, the unstoppable Star Trek. So that could bode well for a slow burn, though the reviews haven't been as buoyant as they were for Big, Fat, plus there's no John Corbett. So maybe it is a fizzle. Ah well. Onto I Hate Valentine's Day, also about a sad Greek lady and... oho! John Corbett. Dynamite.

1) Up — $68.2 million
One stormy night many years ago, a small car drove up to a menacing, crooked old house far in the dirty outskirts of a crumbling, decaying American city. A man emerged from the car, walked up to the door, and tentatively knocked. After a long wait—he thought about leaving, he wanted to leave, but something compelled him to stay—a strange, bent old man answered the door. "Come in out of the rain," he croaked to the weary traveler. "My master shall see you in the parlor." He led the traveler through the dimly lit, cobwebbed rooms and finally there was a roaring fire and a huge armchair. In which sat a man of indeterminate age—was he young? or old? middle-aged? The traveler couldn't quite tell. "Sit down," the ageless man purred, like three voices talking at once. And so the traveler did. "I've prepared your contract here," and suddenly appeared an old piece of parchment. "Let's see... 'Being of sound mind and body'... blah blah... 'In perpetuity forever'... yadda yadda... ahh yes, the important part. 'And the company shall reign for decades, producing the highest quality product with supernatural ease, and all will be showered with praise.' And all for the low low price of... one soul. So just sign here if you could. No, I need the full name, not just initials. Yes, that's right. John Lasseter. Right there..." And John Lasseter signed and the bargain was upheld and though Pixar reigns now, poor Lasseter will suffer a thousand eternities in hell. I mean, that's the only reasonable explanation for their mind-boggling, unbroken string of successes, right?

2) Night of the Museum: Fight for the Threequel — $25.5 million
Showing strong legs in its second time at the rodeo, Ben Stiller's comedy held up despite its strong family competition from the aforementioned devil's deal. Do you think that some poor parents had to take their kids to both of these movies this weekend? Like somewhere where it rained and there was nothing else to do? And so you shill out $40, $50 for tickets and popcorn and sugary soda and hey, actually, Up is pretty good. But then they start wailing because they're bored and what else is there to do. OK, we'll go see Drag Me to Hell you think grimly, chuckling to yourself. No, obviously it has to be that museum movie with the Zoolander guy. So, $40, $50 again and sigh... it's actually pretty silly, with all the loud jokes and funny voices and all the kids do is yell, and you suddenly think in a sad flash that back in college you would have spent a whole rainy weekend stoned, sitting on the couch watching Star Wars, or trying to make out with Mindy Kitimski from down the hall and oh well, so it goes.

3) Drag Me to Hell — $16.6 million
Strong reviews and an otherwise horror-free cinemascape helped Sam Raimi's movie to a strong third place debut. Which is good news for fans of horror/comedy everywhere, and possibly good news for the underused Alison Lohman, who shined so brightly in the underrated White Oleander and then kinda disappeared for a while. Guess all it takes to get you back on top is a creepy old gypsy lady who tries to make a demon eat you. Just ask John Lasseter.

4) Terminator Salvation — $16.1 million
Yikes. Fourth place in its second weekend is not so good for ol' Stormin' Norman Christian Bale and his McG-led army of gray people doing gray things in Gray World. Which is OK, because the movie is not so good. My big beef? Why would a collective hive mind computer system that's all run from a central place need... a keyboard? Like, why would that be there? Can't the robots just tell each other how to do things because they're all just one computer robot? And why would they design their San Francisco headquarters with like, architectural flair? Do they care about aesthetics? I thought they were just uncaring computer robots. I'm confused. So is the rest of America.

9) Ghosts of Girlfriends Past — $1.9 million
It's funny to think about who went to this movie this weekend. It's been out for five weeks. Who went? People who just got back from a long trip overseas and when their significant other picked them up and the airport and asked them "so what do you want to do?" they said... "Ohh I know, let's go see that Matthew McConaughey ghost movie." So they do and then after the movie when they're taking the long way back to the car, enjoying the night, their significant other, whose name is Mindy Katimski, squeezes his hand and says "Speaking of old relationships, did I ever tell you about my boyfriend in college? We just smoked a lot of pot and watched Star Wars all the time. It was kinda lame. Anyway, he's got a bunch of kids now. He must be so happy."

1) Star Trek — $72.5 million
Yes, that intro was belabored. But Star Trek did do well, despite the wold's most important critic, me, finding it a bit underwhelming. While not matching or besting the awful Wolverine's numbers last weekend, Trek did manage to improve on its franchise's last best debut, First Contact's $30 million thirteen years ago, by more than double. Good work everyone! But mostly good work J.J. Abrams, who is basically made of gold at this point. People just love him. And people just love the movie. It got a rock solid A from CinemaScore, which ought to mean good word-of-mouth ticket sales in the weeks to come. Unlike...

2) Wolverine — $27 million
Nobody liked Wolverine. Not even Wolverine liked Wolverine. Jean Grey called it "middling" then enclosed herself in her mind bubble. Professor X awkwardly twiddled his thumbs and then slowly backed his magic wheelchair out of the room. Gambit explosively charged his cell phone and was all "Uh, I gotta get that..." and ran away. Jubilee didn't say anything because no one cares what Jubilee has to say. Cyclops chuckled softly to himself, his visor glowing the ruby red of satisfaction. Psylocke cut a hole in the wall with her telekinetic hand blade and slipped away into the night. And Beast quietly pooped in a corner, reading Chaucer. The movie dropped a steep 68% from last week, because nerds told other nerds who told sorta regular people who told the normals "wait for the DVD." This is bad news for everyone except for me, who is maliciously happy that Taylor Kitsch shan't be as big a star as some predicted.

3) Ghosts of Girlfriends Past — $10.4 million
Speaking of pooping in a corner, Matthew McConaughey's little ghostly romantic comedy about Jennifer Garner paying her Violet bills and Emma Stone trying to get famous and Michael Douglas doing a sad little softshoe while mumbling "see Kitty, I'm not old..." fared just aight in its second weekend. The Dudester can usually go bigger than this, but summer romantic counterprogramming really only works effectively when the lynchpin upon which the whole thing hinges hasn't been sun griddled down to a mostly useless mound of drawling tanned hide.

4) Obsessed — $6.6 million
Boncee, Boncee! She's still got it. Her thriller about killing white ladies while Stringer Bell watches, helplessly aroused, has thrown $56.2 million's worth of blonde bitches down the stairs in three weeks. Which is significant considering the movie only cost about $20 million to make. So expect Boncee to feature in some more thrillers, like The Hand that Rocks the Crib and a remake of A Stranger Among Us, about the Destiny's Child singer moving to Boca.

7) The Soloist — $3.6 million
Jamie Foxx sitting in a dark room, muttering to himself. Yes, that's the plot of the movie. But it's also what happened this weekend, when the actor wrote the AMC in Century City a check for $3.6 million, got some Butterfinger bites, and sat by his lonesome in the theater, trying to figure out what went wrong.

1) Obsessed — $28.5 million
Man this lady can do it all! Beyoncé, former Destiny's Child frontwoman, current bejangled pop music dancer, is now a bonafide movie actress. Sure she got good notices for Dreamgirls and Cadillac Records, but now she's got a box office hit, the credit for which falls almost entirely on her shoulders. I'm sure there are some devoted Idris Elba and Ali Larter (shudder) fans out there, and some weirdos have also been known to enjoy watching pretty ladies beat the shit out of each other (see: Anne Archer nominated for an Oscar for shooting Glenn Close), but mostly, we're betting, people responded to Beyoncé's press blitzkrieg. So I guess we can expect another thriller/actioner or two and then the harder-to-sell romantic comedy and then eventually she'll be squeaking around in a wheelchair, stricken with a palsy, as the year's previous winner, Anne Hathaway, introduces clips of the nominees.

2) 17 Again — $11.7 million
Proving to be a cultural phenomenon on a slightly smaller scale is young Zithery Efrinkle, whose comedy dropped a decent 51% in its second week. Expect another comedy or soft-touched dramedy or two before he picks up a pistol and tries to go gangster, a modern-day Baby Face Nelson, to follow that up with Gone to Cede, about a struggling, troubled Iraq war vet and the Oscar goes to, aw nuts, Ben Foster for Warhol.

3) Fighting — $11.4 million
The surprisingly decently-reviewed B-movie pulled out some pretty decent numbers, though they could have been higher if its title had been a little more straightforward. Channing Tatum is gaining more momentum in the buildup to his big starring bow in this summer's G.I. Joe: Half the Battle, about a bunch of guys in strange military outfits reading quietly in the library. It's also good news for whoever designed the laughably serious posters that have been plastered up all over town, because if the movie had flopped they'd look even sillier.

4) The Soloist — $9.7 million
This is a disappointment for Jamie Foxx, who once differently-abledly mugged his way to an Oscar, and now couldn't even crack the top three. It's also shitty for Robert Downey Jr. who has been riding a wave of goodwill and success since Iron Man came out and was good and stuff. Maybe director Joe Wright just doesn't understand swoony Americans the way he understands swoony Brits. Or maybe the studio moved the pic from its heady awards-season slot back in the wintertime to the doldrums of pre-Memorial Day because Beyoncé declared that she wanted to beat Jamie Foxx at the box office on one of his opening weekends, and you do not say no to Beyoncé, because at this point she can, and will, invade and occupy your house with impunity.

5) Earth — $8.6 million
Did you see on Real Time with Bill Maher on Friday when Howard Dean was talking about the glaciers in the Himalayas melting and that in 15 years one billion people in Asia will be experiencing a massive water shortage? Again, in just fifteen years? Yeah, well. No one cares about the Earth. Help us, Beyoncé! You're our only hope. (Actually, that's not entirely true, this is the second-highest documentary debut ever, hopefully encourage the fledgling Disneynature to keep pretending that they care about the environment by repackaging BBC specials.)

1) 17 Again — $24.1 million
Oh man does everyone love Zac Efron. Not only did the gooey film about Chandler from Friends turning back the clock and becoming basketball star Troy Bolton handily win the top box office spot this beautiful spring weekend, but it earned a very good A- CinemaScore from the giddy exiting audience. Excited fans ranged from nine-year-old Vanessa Montez who squealed "I haven't pooped my pants that many times since Delgo!" to forty-two-year-old Dwayne Abernathy who quietly mumbled "it was worth breaking parole for, though it was hard finding a theater seat that was 1,100 feet from any of the children." He fiddled with a crumpled newspaper that he held over his crotch and then walked off toward where he'd parked his bicycle, which had been, unbeknownst to him, mangled and stolen by some local teenagers. Though, Dwayne isn't mad at them. He can't stay mad at them.

2) State of Play — $14.1 million
No one really wants to see adult drama/thrillers anymore. Even if they feature a long-haired Russell Crowe and Helen Mirren sitting sternly behind a desk. But the newspapermen as heroes pic wasn't a disaster by any means, it just wasn't as big a debut as some had hoped. Though it still beat Body of Lies, the other badly-titled Crowe picture that sputtered at the box office in the last six months. For her part Rachel McAdams just figures that if it does better than The Lucky Ones, then everything's all right with her.

4) Hannah Montana: The Movie — $12.7 million
Though losing two thirds of its opening weekend audience, this Oscar favorite is still trotting along quite nicely. Those eager to see the long, awkward father-daughter bolero dance that was rumored to be featured after the end credits were at first disappointed, then elated, then needed to go home when they discovered that waiting for them at the end was, instead, a video of swoony costar Lucas Till doing the choreography from the recent Xanadu musical's finale. An exiting audience member, 42-year-old "Jwayne Dabernathy", was quoted as saying "I haven't pooped my pants that many times since Kitt Kitredge."

5) Crank: High Voltage — $6.5 million
A small mess for Jason Statham, who has scared up surprisingly high box office with his Transporter movies and the original Crank. But this one failed to connect with audiences, who had bigger and better movies to see this weekend. Most of the tickets were purchased by confused meth heads, who wandered over to the cineplex like zombies in Dawn of the Dead, hoping to taste a powerful new batch. One tweeker was heard muttering that he "shit" on "my parole," before he staggered aimlessly into Monsters vs. Aliens and began uncontrollably weeping.

6) Observe & Report — $4.1 million
I think this can now be called a definitive box office failure. The Seth Rogen comedy—he's supposed to be the biggest laff-riot in the world right now!—has only raked in a little pile of leaves worth $18 million in its first two weeks out. Though this might also say something about the dark overtones of the film, what with the date rape controversy and the scary Ray Liotta factor. If only they'd had Zac Efron play a chipper, charming Foot Locker employee or Miley Cyrus and her cowboy boyfriend play a couple getting Glamor Shots together. Then people would have come (and, for some, come) in droves.

1) The Hannah Montana Movie — $34 million
Miley Cyrus saved a horse and rode her father a floppy fop-topped blonde sex cowboy to box office juggernaut success over the Easter weekend. Nothing says "Jesus rising on the third day" quite like watching a 16-year-old with a smoker's rasp tromp her way through a Tennessee misadventure that involves her gross, be-goatee'd papa finding a mate and a gay sunshine cow wrangler sweeping her chastely off her feet. This bow tops her concert movie of two years ago, which hauled in 31 million clams. It's the highest first-weekend gross for a non-animated G-rated movie ever. Even though Miley and her boyfriend are, I'm pretty sure, hand-drawn.

2) Fast & Furious — $28.8 million
Walter Matthau, Jack Lemmon, Ann-Margaret and crew continue to wreak box office havoc with their smash hit car racing sequel. The film has now grossed $110 million domestically in just ten speedy, irate days. We can now be sure that we'll get another wave of cheaply-made, urban shoot-'em-ups that ought to keep Tyrese employed through at least 2011. Also, Paul Walker might finally have the clout to get his long dreamed of Cherry Orchard project off the ground, which he's translated, will direct, and will star in. Asked about the project, Walker has said that he wants to "show the listlessness of Russian provincial living, for sure, but to also explore what that means for us. How is Chekhov's history really all of our history? Aren't we all, every quiet day, teetering on the brink of some kind of revolution, whether of the mind or the body politic? Also, there will be a Ducati chase and you'll see Megan Fox's tits."

3) Monsters vs. Aliens — $22.6 million
This thing just keeps tromping through, because evidently there are too many children in America. Or there aren't that many, but the ones that there are are spoiled little brats who keep making their parents take them to this sub-par Pixar-lite outing. Dads just doze off and dream about giant Reese Witherspoon tits while moms actually sneak off and have a cigarette and a glass of chardonnay at the Fudruckers bar. They sneak back in and no one notices, not dreaming papa nor glazed-over candy sated children. And the nation spins on.

4) Observe & Report — $11.1 million
Oof. Not only did the number disappoint, but the low C CinemaScore means it probably won't do well in the ol' word-of-mouth department. Surprising for a movie that's been decently reviewed (for a comedy) and had a fair share of alt-buzz? No, not really. Jody Hill's brand of humor is an acrid, acquired one. Not the easy accessible giggle/shucks of an Apatow movie. This is darker and, yes, thinkier (sorta) fare. So. Disappointing for a wide release, but probably to become a mild cult hit on DVD.

8) Dragonball: Evolution — $4.7 million
Oh Emmy Rossum... oh thy career has stumbled. Well, it never really got started. The wide-eyed New Yorker was supposed to hit big with Joel Schumacher's Phantom of the Opera, but that was, as we all know, a Polar Express to Hell! of a trainwreck, so it never really happened for her. Now she's stuck playing a character named Bulma with ridiculous hair in a movie about dragons and balls and the missing letter Z costarring the unfortunate Justin Chatwin and Jamie from the Real World: San Diego. Terrific.

1) Fast & Furious — $72.5 million
Good lord. You people really wanted to see this damn movie. It's the biggest April opening ever, the biggest ever for Universal, and the biggest ever opening for a movie about four tired old people who thought they'd have better jobs in ten years so they didn't do the first sequel but here we go, what the fuck, no one's banging down our doors, so we'll do the third sequel. So there's celebrating in Hollywood today, and somewhere some dumpy stoner in Silver Lake has just created a Word document ominously titled "Fast and Five-ious."

2) Monsters vs. Aliens — $33.5 million
Down 44% from its boffo debut last weekend, this is yet another computer animated 3D kids thing that just tramps along mercilessly, leaving destruction and Sour Patch Kid-mouth burns in its sugary wake. It's gobbled up a total of $105 million in its first two weeks of release, making it the fastest movie about Reese Witherspoon being a gigantic nuisance to reach the $100 million mark since Sweet Home Alabama came whiskey-farting out of the gate back in 1989.

3) & 4) The Haunting in Connecticut, Knowing — $9.6, $8.1 million
Two schlocky genre pictures that are holding on decently, if not terrifically. Knowing has lured in some $58 million in ticket sales in three weeks, and is proving a moderate success for fledgling schlock purveyor, Summit Entertainment. Connecticut is just further proof that people like cheaply-made ghosties, especially if they come belching out of teenage boys' mouths while creepy sepia-toned old people look on in muted delight. So what does this mean? Put Nic Cage in one of those damn horror movies and you can just start printing money. If he drives a crazy muscle car, too, just imagine.

6) Adventureland — $6 million
Though the film had mostly positive reviews, Greg Mottola's nostalgic look at youth didn't connect at the box office. It was in sixth place and earned only six million dough-lars, so maybe there's a third six out there.... Oh! It stars six people: Martin Starr, Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Swan, Ryan Reynolds, Kristen Wiig, and Bill Hader. Six. Six. Six. Who knew a sweet movie about growing up lost and confused in the leafy but barren Pittsburgh suburbs of the 1980's could be the work of the Morning Star. Someone get Nic Cage on the case, fastly and furiously!

10) Sunshine Cleaning — $1.9 million
Chugging along with a nice $3,900 per-screen average, this little quirk fest is doing decent indie business. It probably won't become a smash and open super wide like its obvious inspiration, Little Miss Sunshine, but it might rack up a nice little bundle nonetheless. Hopefully it'll keep Emily Blunt's bright shiny star on the rise, because she's just really really good in pretty much everything.

Monsters vs. Aliens — $58.2 million
Basically Pixar or DreamWorks or whoever could basically computer-animate a dog blinking for ninety minutes and kids and their "will there be inside adult jokes for us??" parents will line up, slobbering. (Though, they couldn't just computer-animate an outerspace magic Freddie Prinze lizard blinking for ninety minutes and expect lots of money. That, apparently, doesn't work.) This huge debut beat Watchmen to become the biggest of the year. Another sad indignity waged upon the superhero movie by, no doubt, its giant squid enemy.

The Haunting in Connecticut — $23 million
Another big bow. The ghosties and ghouls feature, starring Virginia Madsen (the scariest/saddest thing of all), racked up a nice $8,422 per-screen average and would have handily won the weekend had there not been some damn animated thing raging through the cineplexes too. Cheapo horror still reliably turns a buck these days. Lionsgate or Dimension or Dark Castle or whoever ought to film a cat blinking for ninety minutes while some gurgling black J-Horror ghost lurches toward them. It'd be boffo!

I Love You, Man — $12.6 million
Hardly dropping at all (29%) in its second weekend, the Paul Rudd comedy ought to ride strong word-of-mouth to sleeper success. Which is good for all of us because Rudd and costar Jason Segel are very funny men and references to dogs named Anwar Sadat really should be encouraged. That Judd Apatow technically had nothing to do with this picture is heartening—it proves funneez can be made without the bearded svengali's involvement.

Duplicity — $7.6 million
Two weeks out, and only $25 million grossed. What exactly went wrong with this caper flick? Had Julia Roberts been out of the game too long? How much does America really want Clive Owen? Was that alienatingly smug trailer—"Admit it... you don't trust me either." Ugh—just too much? Whatever the reason, the movie's a stumble for all involved, including writer/director Tony Gilroy, who had a chance to prove some commercial appeal after his critically-acclaimed but too-somber-for-popcorn Michael Clayton. Ah well. Better luck next time, zillionaires.

Watchmen — $2.8 million
Four weeks out, and just over $100 million hauled in. The flick is playing decently overseas, but the whole muddle is still an unqualified disappointment. How much does America really want Malin Ackerman? Is it because of that moment in the trailer when the giant blue penis asks the owl sexmobile if it doesn't, in fact, trust it either? The world may never know. All it tells me, really, is that this might be a bad time for my dark, painstakingly-faithful adaption of Archie: Pals 'n' Gals #118, in which the gang is super into ventriloquism and Reggie and Archie compete to see who can throw their voice the best. Ackerman is already on board to play Betty, and Owen was set to be Reggie. Offer's still out to Obama for Chuck. So, we'll see.

1) Race to Witch Mountain — $25 million
Dwayne Johnson continues to prosper since he murdered The Rock on that cliff that rainy night a few years ago. The film scored well in all quadrants, and though it's about little blonde outerspace witch children, 18% of the adult audience who saw the damn thing weren't even with kids. Chillingly, 7% of that 18% left the theater with children.

2) Watchmen — $18.1 million
As reported earlier, the dark comic book meditation on doom, destruction, and awkward sex in flying owl cars got a stiff rodgering from the alien witch children. It fell a precipitous 67% from last weekend domestically, and 50% internationally. That equals bad word of mouth. Luckily, sorta, for Warner Bros., this wasn't exactly franchise potential. So only one dream was killed. One big, throbbing, blue wang of a wish, dispatched handily by a rival hero, a kiddie-loving former wrestler.

3) Last House on the Left — $14.7 million
A mysterious and dangerous-seeming crowd sought refuge in 2,401 theaters across the country, only to be brutally murdered by Tony Goldwyn and Monica Potter—beating people to death with the last muttony chunks of their own careers—and the sad realization that this movie probably shouldn't have been made back in the day by Wes Craven, let alone remade and stylized and re-plotted so the daughter doesn't die. Pah. That said, though, it's yet another strong showing for a graphic horror movie.

4) - 7) Taken, Madea Goes to Jail, Slumdog Millionaire, & Paul Blart — More millions
These four mid-to-late winter powerhouses continue to rage on. Everyone but Madea has earned close-to or over $130 million domestically, while that Tyler Perry flick has racked up a healthy $83 million. Already Fox, Lionsgate, and Sony are in talks to create a superhero franchise in which a grizzled ex-CIA man, a sassy gun-toting old black lady, several impoverished but plucky Indian children, and a fat man on a Segway team up to fight villains and blow various shits up. Alan Moore has happily agreed to write the first screenplay. Ang Lee will direct.

10) Miss March — $2.4 million
A movie from two of the guys who do Whitest Kids U Know did just aight on 1,742 screens. The movie probably cost like four bucks to make, but it has tits and stuff, so maybe could have been slightly stronger counter-programming to the reasonably family-friendly alien witch fable. It's the second-most successful Hugh Hefner project in the past year, after The House Bunny racked up $14.5 million back in August. Keep an eye out for his next picture, a remake of Harold and Maude in which the genders are switched and there are a lot more boobs. Like, a lot more.

1) Watchmen — $55.7 million
It was supposed to be the biggest movie ever—or at least beat director Zack Snyder's $70 million 300 bow—because it's dark and cool and edgy and is about nihilistic politics and tits and stuff. Instead it's just one of the biggest R-rated, March weekend openings ever. Surely Watchmen's lower-than-hoped first dance is a big disappointment for Warner Brothers, which spent a hell of a lot of money and squawking time on the grim, turgid superhero alternate history. Word of mouth seemed to deal it a hearty blow, as it slipped from $25 million on Friday, to $19 on Saturday, to a sad little $11 on Sunday. Doesn't bode well for the coming weekends.

2) Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail — $8.8 million
The old girl just keeps rampaging on, waving her pistol at Rudy Huxtable. With a cool $76.5 million banked so far, Tyler Perry might be one step closer to buying those business cards that have his name on them and everything that he's been saving up for. It also spells good things for upcoming projects like Madea Takes Manhattan, Follow That Madea!, and the stirring Madea at Aulis.

3) Taken — $7.5 million
The old guy just keeps rampaging on, waving his pistol at Rudy Huxtable's Albanian cousin. Liam Neeson, proportionately, is a bigger badass than Patrick Wilson in an owl costume and Valerie Cherish's annoying Room & Bored costar. So, that's something.

5) Paul Blart: Mall Cop — $4.2 million
As the fat guy atop a Segway putters past the $133 million mark, I guess it should give us pause. What is it about the overweight rolling around on their bellies on shopping mall floors that inspires so much glee? I suppose it could be the site of a well-fed person basking in the glow of hallowed consumerism that gets us excited, nostalgic even, for some long lost era. Either that or we like bears doing tricks at the circus, so why wouldn't we like their shaved counterparts doing the same at the movies?

9) Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience — $2.8
Awww. After only two weeks out, the film sinks down to number 9. It's made a sad little $16 so far, not even half of what Miley Cyrus' concertina made in its first weekend. Does this spell the beginning of the end for our little Twizzler-limbed trio? Unfortunately, I don't think they'll go squealing chastely into that good night any time soon. Maybe they'll try to reinvent themselves for their ever-aging core audience as gritty, fuckfest aficionado rock and rollers. With new tracks like "Stop Ur Texting and Letz Get Sexing", "Sit On My Facebook", and "R U 4 86 4 EVA."

1) Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail — $16.5 million
Down a hearty 60% from last weekend, the film still held on against the 3D onslaught of crotchlight rays being shot out by the fertile, holly-scented loins of the brothers Jonas. This latest Madea iteration has stuffed a total $64.9 million into its hilariously oversized bra, becoming Perry's highest-grossing movie to date. Next week a bunch of spandex-clad superheroes with drinking problems ought to handily blue wang their way past the old lady.

2) Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience — $12.7 million
Though their marble-mouthed lady counterpart, Miley Cyrus, earned a cool $33 million outta the gate with her own 3D concert picture show, the floppy-topped young lads just couldn't deliver on the goods the same way. Perhaps dads were less willing to escort their daughters to this one? Perhaps little gay boys couldn't couch their desire to go in a "she's so hot" charade, so they decided to hole themselves up in their rooms for the weekend, furtively? The pic had the best per-screen average of any top 10 pic this weekend, but still there must be some explanation for this vague disappointment.

3) Slumdog Millionaire — $12.2 million
Buoyed by all its Oscars, the two-little-Indians-that-could movie chugs like an extremely crowded train toward the global $200 million mark. When that auspicious goal is reached, all the children will be given the opportunity to trade their new houses in for back-end deals on Boyle's next picture, Kalkotta Hope Dreamer.

4) Taken — $10 million
Liam Neeson continues to thunder-fist his way through Albanians' faces, and American cineplexes, as his actioner speeds past the $100-million mark. This is good news for similarly-brooding actor Gabriel Byrne, who can't wait for you to see his 2010 down-and-dirty thrill-ride, Aggressed Upon—about a former NSA agent who must rescue his teenage son, played by a whimpering Drake Bell, who's been kidnapped by evil Azerbaijani producers and forced to perform in a middling 3D concert.

8) Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li — $4.7 million
I really didn't think that anyone remembered Street Fighter, that glorious old videogame about brawny international dudes—Ryu! Guile! M. Bison! Blanca!—and one lady battling out in, well, the streets. But I guess they sorta do, as this film about that one lady pocketed a not-so-bad little sack of dollars over the too-short weekend. I hope this means a new trend. 'Cause I would totally go see a ToeJam & Earl or Streets of Rage movie.

1. Friday the 13th — $42.2 million
Fittingly or not, the biggest President's Day weekend in box-office history was led by a bloodthirsty, unlikable and unkillable man who's spent the last 30 years strategically decimating his opponents. Jason Voorhees's landslide triumph reaffirmed his supremacy and mandate for years to come, or at least until David Frost corners him to ask why he didn't burn the tapes and if he would like to apologize to the American people for anything in particular. Actually, Frost/Jason doesn't sound half-bad.

2. He's Just Not That Into You — $19.6 million
Yet another potential franchise that could benefit from the infusion of a hockey-masked suitor for its inevitable sequel. Nothing brings couples closer together than the apparent aphrodisiac of Crystal Lake, and since you want to see the HJNTIOY gang hacked to shreds anyway, we urge Warners to do the right thing and overlap these brands for maximum marketplace efficiency.

3. Taken — $19.2 million
Alternatively, Jason vs. Liam could be just the resolution to settle Fox's Watchmen claim against WB. Scrap the old deal, throw them in outer space like Jason X and let them fight their ways back to Earth.

4. Confessions of a Shopaholic — $15.4 million
Shopaholic is pretty much where we thought it would be three-quarters of the way through the holiday weekend, and likely to decline sharply throughout the week. Which, of course, can mean only one thing: Maybe next time, Isla.

5. Coraline — $15.3 million
Fun-ish facts: In 10 days of release, Coraline has become Focus Features' sixth highest-grossing film ever. Among the rest of the distributor's top 10, eight films were nominated for Oscars. Four won, and Milk is on the bubble for this weekend. So forgive us in advance should this one come up again — a lot — next fall.

1. He's Just Not That Into You — $27.465 million
There was every reason to believe Into You would connect with audiences: The zeitgeisty line of Sex and the City dialogue had already been spun off into a popular self-help book, talk show, weight loss plan, Israeli martial art, and library cataloging system. Surely the Hollywood movie—a star-studded ensemble comedy examining tribulations of dating in a technosavvy age full of crossed wires and mixed-messages—was destined to be just as successful. Now there's no stopping America's single women, newly empowered by the awareness of their own undesirability. You go, girl-not-worthy-of-being-that-into!

2. Taken — $20.3 million
A puny 18% drop from its first week suggests male audiences sought some quality mantertainment that didn't portray them as either bumbling idiots (Pink Panther, Blart), shallow, affection-withholding brutes (Into You), or unrealistically hunky renegades who could send shockwaves out of their palms (The Wrestler). That left the paternal vigilantism of Taken, a movie whose lack of Harrison Ford in the lead we still can't completely wrap our minds around.

3. Coraline — $16.335 million
This macabre and visually stunning Hansel and Gretle-ish tale appealed to adults as much as it did to the kiddie set, and deservedly so. If you're a fan of The Nightmare Before Christmas, or the art of Edward Gorey, or are even the least bit curious as to what a colony of Scottish Terrier bats might look like flying at you in 3-D, we highly recommend it.

4. The Pink Panther 2 — $12 million
5. Paul Blart: Mall Cop — $11 million
Unfortunately, the bad Pink Panther omen proved correct. Face it, Steve Martin: Clouseau should have been left under glass. If we want to see an incompetent, moustachioed crimefighter face plant into a fountain, we'll call Blart.

6. Push — $10.204 million
We've already seen some confusion regarding the two Pushes, with at least one box office chart listing Push: Based on the Novel by Sapphire instead of this Push by mistake. Though the more we think about it, the former Push's incestuously knocked-up Precious could really have benefited from the ability to psychically explode all the blood vessels in her father and evil mother Mo'nique's bodies. The only power she came equipped with, however, was superhuman perseverance in the face of unimaginable adversity. You go, Precious! We're that into you!

• BOM: Feb 6-8

1. Taken — $24.625 million
Who says guy-movies can't open on Super Bowl weekend? Take Taken, for example, which tapped directly into every male's subconscious desire to totally fuck up anyone who messes with his family. Coming in at just slightly under the $25 million we predicted, Fox's revenge movie is the second-highest grossing Super Bowl Sunday opener of all time, behind Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour—which, coincidentally, featured a similar subplot in which Billy Ray hunts down and kills the underwear model terrorist who holds his daughter's virtue hostage.

2. Paul Blart: Mall Cop — $14 million
This brings the total gross of the Blartocalypse to $83,375,000, making it a veritable zeitgeisty phenomenon. You can feel it in the air—Segway accident YouTube videos are suddenly all the rage, and struggling malls from here to New Jersey have begun hiring their own overweight, mustachioed security guards, hoping to lure shoppers with their inept follies.

3. The Uninvited — $10.512 million
Um, we liked The Uninvited better when it was called Janghwa, Hongryeon. As much as we love Elisabeth Banks, she's no Jung-ah Yum. Know what we mean?

4. Hotel for Dogs — $8.7 million
After seeing Hotel for Dogs, you might be wondering if such a place exists for your own furry loved one. Well, it does! American Cat and Dog Resort in Las Vegas is the "Bellagio for pets," where they offer room service, fine dining, and a full-service spa. Great place to bring a Pomeranian hooker.

8. New In Town — $6.8 million
This Renée Zellweger slumcom from Lionsgate bombed comfortably in eighth place, precisely where we anticipated it would be. Apparently their marketing angle of "Fargo meets Baby Boom" wasn't one that particularly clicked with audiences, as delightful as the image was of tough-as-nails businesswoman Zellweger disposing of Harry Connick Jr. in a wood chipper shortly after he admits he had no interest in raising children.

• January 30–February 1, 2009 [Box Office Mojo]