Gawker: defamer, miss teen usa

Miss South Carolina Adjusting Nicely To Life As America's Most Instantly Recognizable Incoherent Pageant Queen

defamer.com — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 17:00:53 EST

For an early afternoon Britney palate cleanser, we thought we'd offer you this Tyra clip of South Carolinian Miss Teen U.S.A. 2007 candidate Caitlin Upton, who has secured herself a lasting place in the Annals of American Density for her now-legendary 91-word response to a question about the scourge of geographical ignorance currently plaguing our population.

Always one to find an upbeat spin to even the most humiliating of personal defeats, Banks points out that Upton's own staggering stupidity has granted her a far greater measure of celebrity than actual winner Miss Teen What's-Her-Face could ever hope to achieve. And as Upton confirms, there is truly no better proof that one has entered the fabric of popular culture than becoming a Halloween costume—its aqua gown, blonde hair, and sash reading, "Miss South Carolina Like Such As" sure to become as popular and iconic an option as Windswept Businessman and Tippi Hedren in The Birds.

The Tyra Banks Show
Previously: Didn't Anyone Tell Her The Correct Answer Is Always, 'World Peace?' [Defamer]

Miss Teen South Carolina To 'Facebook' Frenemies: Victory Is Myn!

Moe — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 12:15:00 EDT

Geopolitics whiz Miss Teen South Carolina has a message for all her jealous Facebook friends and frenemies, one of whom just won the "Most Valuable Tipster" designation here at Jezebel. "I like the attention," she writes on her 'Wall'. Why? Because it provides her with a platform from which to voice her opinions on a variety of worthy causes, namely, how anyone who feels her stupidity was an embarrassment to our country just shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

All these girls are grown girls, but they sure dont act like it. They are all imature and need to grow up. I hope yall aren't planning on starting a family, because your kids would grow up in a mean world.

Spoken like the leader of the next Khmer Rouge! After the jump, Lauren Caitlin Upton's impassioned defense of her answer to what admittedly, was "not the easiest question", followed by her "Wall of Meanness," a collection of her most hateful emails (and her withering responses), which will stand forever as a testament to her triumph in the face of hate and the time-tested ability, in the face of national disgust, of an overabundance of cleavage and self-esteem to prevail.

ok to all the jealous girls out here

this is for you

i am not stupid

that question that i got at miss teen usa was not the easiest question and with ten million people watching me LIVE, i was nervous

yeah like you wouldn't be

so to you girls out there.

get a life and stop being so mean

i did not even have time to think about it

i am smart, not a dumb blonde like you think

kthanks

Okay, just briefly to refresh. Here, in text form, the captivating display of eloquence that won Miss Upton an appearance on the Today Show and her very own online geography quiz:

I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa or should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us.

With every silver lining, of course, lurk dark clouds of internet hatred. Mercifully, a positive attitude can prevail, as she displays in her "Favorite Quotes" section:

Wall of Meanness Sarah Womack Today at 7:59am Report Message
Are you the dumb bitch that humiliated America? Do us all a favor and write an eloquent apology to the nation and then quit the whole stupid blond beauty queen thing and start studying harder.

This one if from a really mean girl who thinks i humilated America. Well guess what hon, you just humilated yourself. I am putting this up on my blog where two thousdand people can see it everyday and think about how mean you were to me. If you mess with me, you get what you deserve. =)

Another really mean girl
this one is my favorite.

in like, South Africa...
Between You and Natali Wind
Natali Wind
9:09pm August 25th
Report Message
You're a stupid whore.

ok wow
so this loser just messaged me out of the blue
can we all say jealousy
this was really mean but guess what
i dosen't hurt me
it only hurts yourself
what goes around comes around
this one is also going on my blog where thousands of people look everyday
kthanks
=0

this really isn't funny. the question wasen't to identify the US. obviously i could do that. what is with yu girls these days. why do yall feel like you have to be mean to other people to make yourself feel better.your not hurting anyone but yourself. i dont care about your little messages. they dont hurt me. so leave me alone and live your own life. stop trying to change myn.

SO this guy also randomly messaged me. and yet again i did asolutely nothing to him.

Matt Slade
10:53pm August 28th
Report Message
You are so stupid...How the hell did you get 4th...must be because you are blonde twit and thats what Donald like...fuck!!!

ok so you saw two min. of my national tv meltdown. you have never talked to me, seen me in person, or even met me, so how can you say i am stupid. can you honestly say you have never made a mistake in your life. serisously. and my hair color has nothing to do with it. dont judge me when you dont even know me. and stupid. i am anything but. i have a 4.0 grade average and a full academic schlorship to ASU. yeah, im real stupid. get a life. your not hurting me, only yourself

The screen shots:

The inevitable Miss Teen South Carolina T-Shirts:...

Seth — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 12:45:24 EDT

The inevitable Miss Teen South Carolina T-Shirts: Not the obvious choices, such as "Team Miss Teen S.C.," or "Free U.S. Americans," but a handsome effort nonetheless. [dreamdogsart]

Didn't Anyone Tell Her The Correct Answer Is Always, 'World Peace?'

heatherfug — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 12:58:03 EDT

Why are 1 in 5 Americans unable to locate our country on a map? No idea, but we can tell you why 5 in 5 inhabitants of South Carolina are fervently trying to develop a vaccine for verbal dysentery. We're not sure who suffers most here: Miss Teen South Carolina USA herself, whose terrified, empty Ralph-Wiggum-in-drag ramblings end up as a treatise on "The Iraq, and such as"; the attending "U.S. Americans," the force of whose feverishly choked-back guffaws generated enough pent-up energy to power a small third-world country for a year; or Mario Lopez, for being unable to escape being paid to get saved by the bell. (Indeed, we would have suggested Miss Teen S.C.U.S.A. was just nervously hopped up on caffeine pills, but thanks to Elizabeth Berkeley, we know the signs.) Still, the clear winner in this fiasco is our education system, which can now easily refute claims of its inadequacy by sputtering, "Some... people out there in our nation... don't... have brains." Jenga!

Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina Answers a Question [YouTube]