Gawker: defamer, mini me sex tape

British Tabloid's Disturbing First Person Account Of Copulating With Verne Troyer Leaves Us Gobsmacked

Mark Graham — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:35:00 EDT

When it comes to interviewing the most despicable, deplorable and disingenuous Z-listers, there is no better (or worse) rag than Britain's News Of The World. After all, this is the publication that has paid the likes of Riley Giles (best known for being LiLo's post-hab snowboarding BF) and Blake "Incarcerated" Fielder-Civil (Amy Winehouse's jailed husband) to spill the most sordid details of the times they did drugs with famous people, had sex with famous people and did drugs while having sex with famous people. So, it came as no surprise to us when we saw that Ranae Shrider, aka the girl in the Mini-Me Sex Tape, had decided to grant the shame of Fleet Street an interview over the weekend to discuss her on-camera (and sans jimmy hat) romps with Verne Troyer:

"It wasn't quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn't wear a condom. There was no point, they're all too big."

No condoms? Really? If you can stomach more (and really, we don't blame you if you can't), follow along as we rank the top four bizarre details that the Hollywood newcomer (and current Troyer roommate!) gave to the News Of The ~~Worst~~ World.

4. "Verne told me not to reach down and hold his hand when we walked in as he didn't want it to look like a child out with his mum. When we got to the table he'd fixed for the restaurant to pile three thick phone books on the seat so he could be on the same level as me. Once he'd sat down it was just like having dinner with a normal-sized man." — Ranae, on her first date with Verne Troyer (see photo)

3. "I had to kneel down just to give him a hug. And anything but the traditional missionary position was just impossible. So I'd lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees!" — On copulation

2. "For a small guy he's quite well endowed. I had no complaints. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn't reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing." — On the size and apparent stamina of Verne's mini-me

1. "Without a doubt there's nothing Verne enjoys more than seeing himself on screen. Watching his own films is his favourite hobby. So it was no surprise when he asked if he could film us having sex. He said we could use it to get ourselves turned on. Verne ordered champagne and strawberries to get us in the mood. Then we got down to it. First the tape shows Verne pleasuring me for 15 minutes which was amazing. The next 45 minutes is us having sex. And we really enjoyed ourselves." — On what viewers can expect to see on their sex tape

Now, if you'll excuse us, we're off to take a long, long shower. We have a feeling that no amount of scrubbing will ever fully cleanse us from this experience.

[Photo Credit: News Of The World]

Mini-Me Sex Tape Secret [News Of The World]

Before They Were Porn Stars

Mark Graham — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 21:35:00 EDT

· Just weeks before he catapulted himself into the celebrity gossip stratosphere as America's Next Top Porn Star, we were fortunate enough to snag a few precious seconds with Verne Troyer on the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards. We broke into the Defamer Time Capsule — hint: it's buried somewhere in the grassy knoll between Craft and the Death Star — to unearth this clip that showcases both Molls and myself being temporarily rendered speechless when we realized we were in the presence of the world's most famous little person (yes, and that includes Matt Roloff).
· Still thirsty for more deets on the Mini-Me sex tape? Well, here's another mystery solved. The young frenchee in question is none other than 22-year-old Ranae Shrider, an aspiring model from Kentucky. Welcome to the jungle, baby. [TMZ]
· Just in time for Wall-E to hit theaters, those loveable scamps over at Radar have put together a list of cinema's gayest robots. [Radar]
· Looking for the silver lining in the news that the Jennifer Aniston rom-com He's Just Not That Into You has has been pushed back until February 2009? Now there's plenty of time to get Jennifer Connelly involved in that planned Marie Claire cover shoot. Also? More competition for Valkyrie! [US Magazine]
· "I am single, I have no problem meeting women. Women approach me 6, 7 times a day." After listening to this hilariously pathetic voicemail, we think we may have stumbled onto the perfect castmember for Season Two of Vh1's The Pickup Artist. If anyone can help this guy, it's Mystery. [The Sherman Foundation]

Mini-Me Sex Tape Conclusive Proof That Our Civilization Is Doomed

Mark Graham — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:30:00 EDT

Sex tapes. We've all seen them. Hell, by this point, we've probably all made them (and that includes Molls)! But even on your loneliest of lonely nights, when you dial up RedTube in search of the dirtiest, kinkiest porn that the Internets have to offer, we'd bet you dollars to donuts that none of you ever typed the words "Mini-Me Sex Tape" into Google looking to get off. That is, until now. According to our friends at TMZed:

Yes, that's Mini-Me Verne Troyer in a sex tape shot with his former live-in girlfriend at the couple's apartment. A third party has snatched up the tape and although no deal has been made, we hear dealer Kevin Blatt, who brokered the deal for Paris' video, is entertaining a $100k offer from SugarDVD to distribute the nastiness.

While we are still too mortified by the sight of Verne Troyer frenching some ho to properly collect our thoughts, we will go out on a limb and say that this sex tape will certainly prove to be more exciting that that snoozer of a vid that Kim Kardashian put out. And if the publicity gods are willing, maybe this means renewed hope for The Love Guru's second weekend at the box office, after all. Then again, let's hope not. See you in Gomorrah, peeps!

Mini-Me Sex Tape: Avert Your Eyes [TMZ]