Justin Timberlake's stalker—surprisingly, not Brittney Spears—one Ms. Karen McNeil, was busted on Timberlake's property last week. When asked to leave, she wouldn't. So Timberlake danced out a restraining order on this psycho, who'd also tried to follow Axl Rose. Which is sad for Justin Timberlake's publicist. So is the fact that, instead of just loving Justin, she's apparently being possessed by witches. Witches? Witches!

In the nonsensical ramblings, Karen states that she has been targeted by "Babylon witches" who seek to cast their "evil" on her.

Babylon witches? WTF? Has Robert Moses State Park really gotten that bad?

But Timberlake isn't the only one. Ryan Seacrest has a creepy leprechaun who thinks he's been made in Seacrest's image, or something. No, but seriously, this guy's scary, and he has a knife, and now Seacrest has a restraining order against him:

Lawyers for Seacrest got the order from a Los Angeles judge on Friday after Chidi Benjamin Uzomah Jr. was detained at the E! Entertainment Television headquarters the same day. Records show the 25-year-old man is already on probation for a previous incident involving Seacrest. Last month, Uzomah pleaded guilty to three misdemeanours, including carrying a switchblade knife as well as assault and battery. That was after he attacked one of Seacrest's bodyguards outside an event.

Who else? Miley Cyrus has had a ghoulish, pervy, 53 year-old stalker. Who just went free today. This was the guy who thought he was getting secret messages from Miley through the television a la Videodrome. Whereas we all hear "this music sucks, listen to something else," this creep hears, well, someone telling him to do creepy things. Which makes him crazy.

So what's there to understand about these people? Why do they think famous people give a shit about them, you know, besides the fact that they're mentally ill? What causes it? If the Stalker button on the top of this page is blatantly evident voyeurism, among other things, what goes beyond it? I'm sure it's still being studied, somewhere. In the mean time, Bret Easton Ellis plans on showing us the answer. Who else? Ellis is adapting a book for TV about Young Hollywood as seen through the eyes of a stalker. Wonder if he did his research on subjects close to him. Then again, considering his definition of "scary," he might be trying to teach us something. The stalked are scarier than the stalker, maybe?

Nah. Despite the fact that Hollywood's full of scary people, the people they spawn and inspire are even scarier.

Celebrities: they're nothing like us.

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

MSNBC entertainment sleuth Courtney Hazlett has spent days tracking down sources, rummaging through trash and breaking legs to come up with the latest spoilers from the series-turned-movie sequel. And, no, they don't concern Samantha's hormone therapy. Thank god.

No, this one involves real testosterone: the ladies and their nameless friends — seriously, these broads rarely talk to anyone else but each other — will allegedly head to Connecticut to watch their homo friends Stanford and Anthony get gay married. Everyone will wear crazy outfits and toss out a string of double entendres and generally have a fabulous time.

Life & Style is reporting that the shooting schedule calls for a wedding scene to take place at a Connecticut Inn, and the guest list includes Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, plus Carrie's pal Stanford Blatch and his mother and father.

"All signs point to a gay union between Stanford and Anthony Marentino, who's required to wear a black tuxedo in the scene," according to the magazine. "Slated as the entertainment: Liza Minnelli."

Other plot details include a trip to Morocco (Dubai's authorities disapproved of all the sexy talk, we suppose) and perhaps a Miley Cyrus citing, which would dampen our gay spirits. Why is she everywhere?!

The Lady will perform on September 13 at this year's MTV Video Music Awards, and she's planning something big. In an interview with Newsweek's Ramin Setoodeh, she says: "I'm going to be performing one of the most recent singles off my album. But it's going to be a different and more dramatic interpretation. And it is most certainly rooted in New York-style performance art." Setoodeh asks — and who could blame him — "What does that mean?"

Gaga explains:

It's less of me singing the song, and more of an art installation. A performance-art piece. It's very well-designed and thought out, and we've been planning it for months and months. It is for me a very meaningful performance, [for] where I am in my career, as well as the experiences I've had, as well as the co-headlining tour I'm going on in the fall. […] I sort of have this philosophy about things: there's never a reason to do something unless it's going to be memorable, unless it's going to change things, unless it's going to inspire a movement. With the song and with the performance, I hope to say something very grave about fame and the price of it.

Does that clear anything up? Hell no. But even more cryptic is her answer to the question, "what are you going to wear?"

I would say that the fashion for the performance is a representation of the most stoic and memorable martyrs of fame in history. It's intended to be an iconic image that represents people. I think after watching the performance and maybe studying it after you watch it on YouTube, you'll see the references and the symbols come through.

And, when talking about her lighting scheme, Ms. Gaga says: "I like it to be moody. I like it to evoke an idea more than light my face. It's not about what you see. It's about what you don't see, and sometimes that vacant space can be very scary."

Perhaps you find it tiring to hear about her "philosophy," her "art," "symbols" and "meaning." Maybe it would be easier if she just said, "I'm going to dress like Joan of Arc. It's gonna be dope." But the other women topping the chart right now? Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. Those two aren't exactly… interesting.

Back when that song "Beautiful" was all over the radio, a DJ friend of mine once said, "The devil didn't invent rock and roll for James Blunt." And I can't help but agree, as a woman raised on filthy Prince lyrics, Madonna writhing to "Like A Virgin" (at the VMAs!) and sexual innuendo in George Michael hits. Lots of people can sing. Lots of people write songs. Pop music should be more that that. Not a lot of people sing well, or write catchy songs; Lady Gaga does both. But more importantly: Lady Gaga makes it exciting. Titillating, unexpected. With Muppet coats, teacups, awful (untrue) hermaphrodite rumors and general pantslessness. Without her, pop would be a bland landscape right now. And think about it: People mocked what David Bowie and KISS wore, too. In addition, she uses her Haus of Gaga to "propel" friends and young designers into the spotlight, using her fame to further their careers.

You might think Lady Gaga is pretentious, a phony. But if she is, it's as someone once said of Holly Golightly: She's a real phony… She honestly believes all this phony junk that she believes. Asked, "How old were you when you first wanted to be famous?" Lady Gaga replies:

I think I was in my mother's womb. But it's not about fame, you see. It's about "The Fame." It's about a life of glamour. I believe in a glamorous life.

Lady Gaga Will Rock the VMAs [Newsweek]

Earlier: Questions About The High Fashion & Domestic Violence In Lady GaGa's Video
Before The Teacup & Blonde Wig, Pants Were Still A Problem
Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore
Lady Gaga Visits The View

So, as we know, Miley Cyrus pole-danced at the Teen Choice Awards. Or, rather, she leapt up onto an ice cream cart with a pole in the middle and executed a single shimmy, obviously pole-dance inspired. Then she got down.

The dance itself wasn't that big a deal; yeah, it was completely inappropriate for a show that targets kids (because I think real "Teens" have moved on by this point), but not especially more so than her minute booty shorts or the parade of scantily-dressed dancers grinding behind her. It was, as the Examiner blog points out, a whole lot less raunchy than the pole-dance 'Fire Burning' number co-performer Sean Kingston indulged in.

Kingston is only 19, three years older than Cyrus, and he had not one but two poles. He also had two very scantily-clad ladies dancing around those poles with moves that were much more provocative than Cyrus's one shimmy. So why then is only Cyrus getting called out her inappropriate dancing and for using a pole in her performance, whereas no one is blinking an eye at Kingston's very sexy, very racy stage outing? Double standards, anyone?

Well, sure - and Scores doesn't seem to be clutching its pearl G-string over his two-pronged approach - but it's also true that Cyrus made her name as a good girl, has very young fans, and has recently started a spate of deliberate provocation: far from the remorse she espoused after last year's Vanity Fair fracas, now Cyrus is defiantly making her mark as an older entertainer, posing on the cover of magazines in overtly sexy getups and, yes, thumbing her nose at us fogeys with that half-assed gyrations.

Yes, she's just a kid. There were choreographers who put it together and parents who sanctioned it and managers who thought it was a good move, or at least trusted a 16-year-old's judgment. She doesn't deserve anyone's hate mail or the blame for society's ills. Maybe people are pissed off about it because a) it's August and people enjoy histrionics and b)now it feels deliberate. The Vanity Fair thing, most of us didn't mind: whatever, she was in over her head, it was Leibovitz, weird call on dad's part but really what's the big deal? But now, she's trying to throw off the yoke of exactly what made her famous, and while I understand chafing at Disney's stranglehold, it also feels, well, unfair to those little girls who look up to her. And she's playing deliberately with the clean Hannah Montana image that made her big. Says Salon's Tracy Clark-Flory,

That's some potent imagery: an emblem of childhood (an ice cream cart) juxtaposed with a symbol of modern young womanhood (a stripper pole). Looks like her managers are following the Britney Spears sexy-virgin path to success — or self-destruction, depending on your perspective.

Was the dance a big deal? Not in itself - it's short, not especially sexy, and frankly the song she was caterwauling was unlistenable. But will it negatively influence little girls? Frankly, I seriously hope most little girls weren't allowed to watch it, because it sucked, and the entire show was completely inappropriate. I maintain that girls are smarter than they're generally given credit for being, however impressionable their age, and that the behavior of one already-tarnished TV star isn't going to change the course of their lives.

But it does kind of depress me, because this is obviously what Miley Cyrus and her handlers/parents want for her, and for her career. I'm depressed for all the usual reasons - sexualization and cheapening and objectification and growing up too fast, and the lack of wholesome role models - but I think it's something more. I'm offended on behalf of little girls. Being a role model whom younger children look up to is not second-class. It's not a necessary minor-league servitude before the big leagues. It's not less important than attracting their older sisters. (It's certainly not less renumerative.) No, being a role model, someone who has the influence to touch and influence younger girls at a formative age, is an honor, and it's not an honor a lot of people are accorded. When I saw Miley Cyrus on that crummy pole, my heart sank a little: because, once again, she was saying that what she does, and her market, isn't important and she's eager to leave it behind. I get that for a young girl playing to kids doesn't feel sexy or glamorous, and it's natural to be rebellious. It's why kids shouldn't be in the public eye, arguably, in the first place - they have no control over what they're getting themselves into, and then, inevitably, they resent the pressures. That's sad for a lot of reasons, but not least because it plays havoc with the young girls whom Miley's growing up and abandoning, rather than the other way around.

(Oh, and in case you're wondering, here's what "Ed Norwick, General Manager of SCORES, the legendary NYC gentleman's club" had to say: "While Miley did show off some skills, we at SCORES cannot encourage this kind of behavior for women under the legal age. If she'd like to come try out in a couple of years, our door's open!")

Miley Cyrus, 16, Shows Off Her Pole Dancing Skills At The Teen Choice Awards [Daily Mail]

Miley Cyrus: Too Young To Pole Dance? [Salon]
Miley Cyrus Vs. Sean Kingston: It's A Stripper Pole Dance-Off At The Teen Choice Awards [Examiner]
"Party In The USA" At The Teen Choice Awards (FULL VERSION)(HQ) [YouTube]

"Noah Lindsey Cyrus & Emily Grace Reaves, with Emily's dog Bunny, pose for the cameras at Brittany Curran's Retro 50's Poolside Bash on Saturday, May 30 in Burbank sporting Juicy Couture vintage bathing suits. The two friends filmed an episode of their Noei and Ems Show at the party. So pretty!"

The birthday girl in question — Ms. Curran, an actress — is 19 years old. Why were an eight-year-old and a nine-year-old photographed in swimsuits going to her party? Clearly the goal is to get Noie and Emily — who have their own show on YouTube — publicity, visibility, a fan following and press in the tween mags. (And, as a former editor at a tween mag, I'm sure it worked.) The photo credit on these images is someone named Terri Tex, who happens to be Emily's publicist. (Emily, who was in Hannah Montana: The Movie also has a foundation to promote.) But are there dangers in exposing these young'uns to magazines and gossip websites so early? Here are some comments from ONTD and the source site, Ocean Up:

The observant:

lol i don't even wear that much eyeliner. creeptastic.

The rage-y:

WHY ARE THOSE CHILDREN POSING LIKE THAT?!?!

Also, GET THAT RED BULL OUT OF THAT CHILD'S MOUTH.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PEOPLE, BE PARENTS TO YOUR CHILDREN.

The living-in-denial:

are these little girls wearing makeup and carrying handbags? seriously? is this a fucking joke?

The apathetic:

what the fuck is this shit, seriously, no one cares about a couple of 7 year olds that will be jaded as fuck in 4 years

The (possibly) creepy:

woah noahs gonna have mileys gooorgeous long legs

The cruel:

the girl on the right has faT THIES.

when they grow up theyre gonna be so stuck up and probs sluts. no offense yeah yeah i know their only like 7 but im just stating the facts

The concerned:

That's disgusting, who lets a nine-year-old wear that much make-up and parade around in a bathing suit while posing like she's on the cover of Sports Illustrated? The only people who would appreciate these pictures are the idiots who put their kids in beauty pageants and pedophiles. Take the red bull away from that girl and send these two to play in the kiddie pool like NORMAL nine-years-olds! I have a nine year old daughter of my own and I just find this sad, thank goodness my child isn't growing up in L.A.

Ah, yes, thank goodness. Because every child who lives in L.A. is required to walk the red carpet barely dressed!

This Is Exactly What You Think It Is ... ISH MILEY'S SISTA [ONTD]
Noah Cyrus AND Emily Grace Reaves JUICY COUTURE Bathing BEAUTIES [Ocean Up]

1) The Hannah Montana Movie — $34 million
Miley Cyrus saved a horse and rode her father a floppy fop-topped blonde sex cowboy to box office juggernaut success over the Easter weekend. Nothing says "Jesus rising on the third day" quite like watching a 16-year-old with a smoker's rasp tromp her way through a Tennessee misadventure that involves her gross, be-goatee'd papa finding a mate and a gay sunshine cow wrangler sweeping her chastely off her feet. This bow tops her concert movie of two years ago, which hauled in 31 million clams. It's the highest first-weekend gross for a non-animated G-rated movie ever. Even though Miley and her boyfriend are, I'm pretty sure, hand-drawn.

2) Fast & Furious — $28.8 million
Walter Matthau, Jack Lemmon, Ann-Margaret and crew continue to wreak box office havoc with their smash hit car racing sequel. The film has now grossed $110 million domestically in just ten speedy, irate days. We can now be sure that we'll get another wave of cheaply-made, urban shoot-'em-ups that ought to keep Tyrese employed through at least 2011. Also, Paul Walker might finally have the clout to get his long dreamed of Cherry Orchard project off the ground, which he's translated, will direct, and will star in. Asked about the project, Walker has said that he wants to "show the listlessness of Russian provincial living, for sure, but to also explore what that means for us. How is Chekhov's history really all of our history? Aren't we all, every quiet day, teetering on the brink of some kind of revolution, whether of the mind or the body politic? Also, there will be a Ducati chase and you'll see Megan Fox's tits."

3) Monsters vs. Aliens — $22.6 million
This thing just keeps tromping through, because evidently there are too many children in America. Or there aren't that many, but the ones that there are are spoiled little brats who keep making their parents take them to this sub-par Pixar-lite outing. Dads just doze off and dream about giant Reese Witherspoon tits while moms actually sneak off and have a cigarette and a glass of chardonnay at the Fudruckers bar. They sneak back in and no one notices, not dreaming papa nor glazed-over candy sated children. And the nation spins on.

4) Observe & Report — $11.1 million
Oof. Not only did the number disappoint, but the low C CinemaScore means it probably won't do well in the ol' word-of-mouth department. Surprising for a movie that's been decently reviewed (for a comedy) and had a fair share of alt-buzz? No, not really. Jody Hill's brand of humor is an acrid, acquired one. Not the easy accessible giggle/shucks of an Apatow movie. This is darker and, yes, thinkier (sorta) fare. So. Disappointing for a wide release, but probably to become a mild cult hit on DVD.

8) Dragonball: Evolution — $4.7 million
Oh Emmy Rossum... oh thy career has stumbled. Well, it never really got started. The wide-eyed New Yorker was supposed to hit big with Joel Schumacher's Phantom of the Opera, but that was, as we all know, a Polar Express to Hell! of a trainwreck, so it never really happened for her. Now she's stuck playing a character named Bulma with ridiculous hair in a movie about dragons and balls and the missing letter Z costarring the unfortunate Justin Chatwin and Jamie from the Real World: San Diego. Terrific.

He tells the New York Daily News that they have a dialogue where he talks to the 16-year-old (out loud maybe?) and she responds through her various paparazzi photos. So... that's... Um. That's good. He'd also like to marry her, but probably first needs the permission of his FLDS leader and maybe Pa Cyrus, Billy Ray, who, probably, plans to declare prima nocte. So! Everyone's terrifying!

Thanks, Videogum, for the scary story.

Jared Leto? Start practicing your twang.

Also, Demi Lovato wears fake hair, ROFL!!1!!!. We're terribly disappointed that the hacker didn't seize his chance to start a Twitter feud with the Kutchers ("@aplusk: more like ass-cot!!!"), add the missing, terrible stanzas to Miley's duet with Margaret Cho, or pit inappropriate suitors Justin Gaston and Stephen Baldwin against each other in a battle royale that would begin with chest shaving and end in church on Sunday. The screenshots (courtesy of ONTD) are below.

• Miley's twitter got hacked. [ONTD]

A woman named Lucie J. Kim filed a class-action lawsuit Wednesday on behalf of "more than 1 million Asian Pacific Islanders who live in L.A. County," according to TMZ. The suit alleges that Miley "knew or should have known that her image would be publicly disseminated via the media," which thus makes her complicit in a civil-rights violation against those million claimants. Kim wants $4,000 per, putting Miley on the hook for $4 billion. That seems more than fair considering the international scope of her offense, a Hague-worthy lapse of judgment for which justice delayed is justice denied. Still, an out-of-court settlement seems probable, if only for the likely defense that Miley has suffered at least a half-billion dollars' worth of career trauma from Margaret Cho's devastating "Chinky Eyes" tribute alone. Developing...

• Asians Want $4 Billion From Miley Cyrus [TMZ]

"I am so upset by Miley Cyrus, I think it warrants a song!" Cho said on her blog today, before revealing a lyric sheet that would make even Rosie O'Donnell blush:

Miley Cyrus made some chinky eyes
Standing behind an Asian guy
I don't know if this should fly
As if there wasn't enough to despise

I wasn't necessarily a fan of
Her, her dad, or Hannah Montana
I tend to prefer the songs of Rihanna
Racism against Asians is simply bananas!

Oh Miley!
Chinky eyes make you look wily
prejudice isn't thought of so highly
it doesn't make us all smiley

Why is there nothing that Asians can do?
To make fun of other races as easily as you
Why isn't racism against Asians taboo?
Why are we always so racially screwed!

All you have to do is pull at your face
To make your eyelids resemble our race
This kind of joke has no proper place
Miley Cyrus is a disgrace!

To what tune it's supposed to be sung, we cannot guess; however, we're already brushing up on our electric slide and waiting for Fandango to promote Cyrus's upcoming, Cho-penned spectacular in which the song will appear: "Hanna Montana: Racially Caricatured Tween Flameout 3-D!"

• Oh Miley [Margaret Cho Blog]

Cyrus apparently made the argument on her official "Mileyworld" site, which is virtually impossible to navigate (and we also think we may have violated Megan's Law by attempting to do so). So, we're just going to take Us Weekly's word on the matter—though we're amused that the former headline still presented in the Us URL, "Miley Cyrus Apologizes for Controversial Photos, Kind Of," has had its last snarky comment chopped off:

Miley Cyrus is finally speaking out on controversial photos that show her using her fingers to make her eyes slant, which is considered degrading to Asian people.

"I've also been told there are some people upset about some pictures taken of me with friends making goofy faces! Well, I'm sorry if those people looked at those pics and took them wrong and out of context!" she writes on her official fansite.

"In NO way was I making fun of any ethnicity! I was simply making a goofy face. When did that become newsworthy?" she adds. "It seems someone is trying to make something out of nothing to me. If that would of [sic] been anyone else, it would of been overlooked! I definitely feel like the press is trying to make me out as the new 'BAD GIRL'!"

Cyrus continues: "I feel like now that Britney is back on top of her game again, they need someone to pick on! Lucky me! haha

Truly, it's a shame that Britney's attempts at coherent sentences and a respectable weave have forced the media to scrutinize each and every out-of-context racial caricature made by one miss Hannah Montana. We'd advise Miley to lay low for a little bit, and save her heart-warming power ballad "Don't Jews Like Money?" until Britney executes her next, inevitable slip-up.

• Miley Cyrus Apologizes for Controversial Photos [Us]

Take it away, Tom O'Neil:

Miley Cyrus has posed for another photo that could cost her a repeat win at the upcoming Kids' Choice Awards. As Reuters reports: "Disney teen idol Miley Cyrus has been accused of taunting and mocking Asians by making slant-eye poses in a personal photograph with her friends."

Miley Cyrus is sure to compete at the Kids' Choice Awards on March 29 in the category of favorite TV actress. After all, she has won that award the past two years running for her starring role in Hannah Montana. However, the winners of these awards — handed out by kids' cablecaster Nickelodeon — are determined by the votes of millions of tykes.

What do you mean, "however"? We all know how discriminating the Kids' Choice lobby is; this is like Mickey Rourke's purported gay slurs and Anne Hathaway's Bride Wars fall from grace combined, distilled to their essence and brought to a hardware-melting boil. Awards season is ruined. We quit. Thanks for nothing, O'Neil.

• Latest Miley Cyrus pose could cost her awards [LAT]

Among films, Doubt leads the SAG field with five nominations for Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams, Viola Davis and for the ensemble performance as a whole. Benjamin Button and Milk picked up ensemble noms of their own, with Brad Pitt and Sean Penn recognized in the Best Actor category and Taraji P. Henson and Josh Brolin singled out for their supporting roles.

Elsewhere: Robert Downey Jr. and/or Slumdog Millionaire's Dev Patel usurped the Supporting Actor nomination that Michael Sheen should have earned for Frost/Nixon, though the latter film did draw an Ensemble nod, which it still won't win, especially against Doubt. 30 Rock, The Closer, Mad Men Boston Legal and John Adams accrued three nominations apiece on the TV side, with awards-season regulars Glenn Close, David Duchovny, Jeremy Piven and Recount making appearances as well.

Back at the Academy, the year's Best Original Song candidates were pared down to just over four dozen — nearly a quarter of which came from High School Musical 3, virtually assuring it representation (and a performance ZOMG!!!) on Oscar night. They're joined most notably by fellow frontrunners Mariah Carey (Tennessee), Miley Cyrus (Bolt), Clint Eastwood (Gran Torino) and Bruce Springsteen (The Wrestler), with Bond theme-mates Jack White and Alicia Keys on the outside looking in. Tough year, tough break, you two.

• 2009 SAG Scorecard [The Envelope]

• 
  49 Songs Eligible For Oscars [IW]

Appearing today on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet (the daytime chatfest hosted by Spaghetti Cat), Baldwin showed off the tattoo of Hannah Montana's initials that he had inked in a bid to appear on the Miley Cyrus-toplined show. Sadly, this misguided attempt to book an acting gig produced nothing but some strong guffaws from Cyrus, a round of boos from the confused Mike and Juliet audience, and Baldwin's preliminary placement on the Megan's Law registry. [The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet]

WHAT'S NEW: Hopefully you enjoyed your mildly adult pleasures last week while you could, because it's an all-puberty weekend this go-around. Twilight finally crashes theaters after a hormonal, high-pitched tidal wave of anticipation, packing tween girls (and not just a few of their mothers) into as much as $70 million worth of sold-out shows. We don't have much to say about the vampire swoonathon that we haven't thrown your way already, but we will go ahead and call it for a $68.8 million gross, 237 fainting spells and a record 455 million shrieks drowning out the dialogue.

Disney will represent as well with its 3-D canine superhero opus Bolt, voiced by John Travolta and Miley Cyrus among others. Tracking is close to $40 million, but with reviews well-above average and the imprimatur of ex-Pixar chief John Lasseter, we could see it overlapping quadrants a bit and maybe peaking around $45 million.

Also opening: Actor Robert Davi's doo-wop/heist-flick directorial debut The Dukes; the imploding Irish marriage drama Eden; and the ethnically-charged lesbian love story I Can't Think Straight.

THE BIG LOSER: For the second consecutive week, the box-office is America's last remaining growth sector. No losers to speak of here, though talk to us next week about Australia.

THE UNDERDOG: The documentary Toots first premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival in 2006; in the two-and-a-half intervening years, director Kristi Jacobson's paean to the legendary NYC saloonkeeper (and her grandfather) Toots Shor has only appreciated in its bittersweet regard for the lost high-class, hard-drinking cafe society of 1950s Manhattan. Less a hagiography than a delayed, definitive act of posterity, Toots nevertheless glows with anecdotes from Mike Wallace, Yogi Berra, Walter Cronkite and a bounty of archival footage showcasing the gregarious subject himself. It's nostalgia worth bingeing on, and it won't leave you with a headache the morning after.

FOR SHUT-INS: New DVD's this week include three different versions of WALL-E, two versions of Tropic Thunder, a single version of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, the complete series set of The Odd Couple, and just in time for the holidays and/or a 100-foot-tall bonfire, Hannah Montana: The Complete First Season.

So are you braving the Twilight tide this weekend? Does Bolt have street cred worth your dime? Are we missing something, anything to help bulk up this flimsy week? Enlighten us! Please!

E! saw through the stunt, blowing a golden opportunity to welcome Miley's ghost to last night's Daily 10. Instead, host Michael Yo gave the whole game away from the start, prompting a gaping incredulity that Miley's BFF Mandy soon mitigated with her urgent MySpace update: "MILEY IS OK!! Some1 hacked our youtube account." Miley is naturally shocked, and the search is on to track down the culprit, despite investigators' lengthening list of suspects with both opportunity and motive. We'd look closely at Disney ourselves; Bolt can't rocket to number one this weekend on John Travolta's goateed charm alone.

• 'Daily 10' [E!]

"Oh, to tell you the truth now, this thing got a lot bigger, a lot quicker than I ever planned," Miley Cyrus' dad told reporters at the CMA Awards in Nashville Wednesday.

"It's a double-edge sword for me because first of all, I have a great deal of respect for President-elect Obama," Cyrus said. "I just mentioned about them being on the show, and it snowballed."

Cyrus says he isn't sure it was a good idea for Obama's daughters to be on TV, anyway.

"As a daddy, I'll say to him what I say to any daddy, you may not want your daughter to get into show business," he warned.

Certainly, if the Obama girls came back from Hannah Montana emboldened enough to eat their shirts, date underwear models, and send scandalous texts (or crayon drawings, whichevs) to Beau Biden, Obama might regret letting them have their chance at Hollywood stardom. Still, the president-elect is said to be mulling over an offer from Scarlett Johansson to allow wife Michelle to co-star in her next film, though he is troubled by the lack of a script, faraway location (Siberia), and multi-year shooting schedule Johansson is claiming would be necessary. Anything for art, Barack!

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Billy Ray Backtracks on Obama Girls' Hannah Montana Invite [Us]