Uh oh, trendy hipster movie alert. Twee darlings Ryan Gosling (Lars and the Painfully Whimsical Script) and Michelle Williams (Dudes Doin' It, Wyoming Edition) are set to costar as wistful lovers in a movie melancholicly titled Blue Valentine. Imagine the twinkly music and the shaky-cam shots of mournful streets blurring into focus and, perhaps, the voiceover! [Variety]

Ohh dear. Are you sitting down? Can I get you some tea? Here, have one of these cookies. OK, hon, I have some bad news. You know how much you wanted David E. Kelley to have a new show about lawyers on TV? And remember how it looked like his Kristin Chenoweth show, delightfully titled Legally Mad, was going to be that show? Well, love, unfortunately... Oh, this is so hard. Wait, what's that? The idea of another one of Kelley's aggressively quirky horrid lawyer shows on the air makes you want to burn the Earth down? Oh, well. Me too. So, fuck it. It didn't get picked up. Neither did Lauren Graham's sitcom. Yeah. Drink? [Variety]

Still have a hankering for the heady days of Hawaii Five-O and Magnum P.I.? You know, butt-kickin' crime-fightin' in the balmy bliss of America's most beautiful colony. Well, Jerry Bruckheimer has heard your late night whimpering and is coming to your aid. His Honolulu set procedural Cooler Kings has been greenlit by A&E. The show is about a group of Igloo salesmen who decide to solve mysteries on their lunch breaks. Right? [Variety]

Speaking of A&E, Kevin Costner would like to take that wolf up on its offer of a second dance and head back into the West...ern genre. He's in talks with the net to produce, definitely, and act in and direct, maybe, something about the post-Civil War wild wild West. Sort of like that TNT series from a while back except, we'd imagine, with less Skeet Ulrich. [THR]

Simon Baker the Mentalist will soon be dealing with a mental case. He's playing a lawyer out to expose Casey Affleck as the small town sheriff turned horrid murderer that he is in Michael Winterbottom's adaptation of Jim Thompson's The Killer Inside Me. The Winterbottom factor makes me intrigued, though the presence of Jessica Alba as a hooker and Kate Hudson as a schoolteacher girlfriend gives me pause. [THR]

Oh, cute. Dermot Mulroney is directing a movie. He was so good on The Practice. [THR]

The trailer above is just a sampling of the vaguely lesbionic tussling that can be found in Polanski's short film Greed, which is exclusively showing over at Dazed Digital. The project is the latest work from artist Francesco Vezzoli, who's known for creating trailers, premieres, and now a perfume ad for products that don't actually exist (you may remember his fake coming attraction for a Caligula remake starring Courtney Love, Benicio del Toro, and Helen Mirren). Finally, we've found a plausible explanation of the trailer for Crank 2: High Voltage!

• Francesco Vezzoli's Greed Online Premiere [Dazed Digital via E!]

If you're not familiar with Michelle Williams's tiny indie film Wendy and Lucy, let us summarize: Wendy (Michelle Williams), an impoverished young woman, drives to Alaska with her dog. The car breaks down. Not a whole lot else happens. So when we saw HuffPo blogger Michelle Renee title her newest post, "I Feel Like the Real Life Wendy and Lucy Story," we chuckled to ourselves. "You mean, nothing happens in your life, too?" we wondered. Well, actually, Renee's story is WAY, WAY DIFFERENT:

If the movie plot seems like an unrealistic one, I can tell you it isn't. My life seems like the real life Wendy story as written in my debut book, Held Hostage, which is not just about the crime that devastated my and my young daughter's life. Although a large portion of this true crime release focuses on the violent kidnapping, 14 hour hostage ordeal and my being forced by three masked gunmen (also gang members) to rob a bank to save our life, the aftermath and an incredible road trip from San Diego to Anchorage Alaska is written about in "such rich detail you feel as though you are in the car with her and her four legged companion" as one reviewer wrote.

I don't know what sparked "Wendy" to head for the majestic landscape of Alaksa but what sparked my needing to get out of Dodge was the threat of retaliation looming over our heads after the grand jury proceedings.

We're pretty sure we don't remember that part from Wendy and Lucy...deleted scenes, maybe? Though our favorite part of Renee's HuffPo entry are the random tags:

Broken Open, Dogs, Healing, Held Hostae, Michelle Renee, Michelle Williams, Movies, Movies And Entertainment, Pets, Scared, Wendy And Lucy, Entertainment News

It's a give-and-take, HuffPo bloggers: sure, you might not get pay or health care—but at least Arianna gives you a "scared" tag.

• I Feel Like the Real Life Wendy and Lucy Story [HuffPo]

1. Philip Seymour Hoffman. Period. When we called our shot for Brad Pitt as the likely winner in a crowded Best Actor field, we hadn't yet seen Hoffman as Caden Cotard, a Schenectady, N.Y., regional theater director at odds with his painter wife Adele (Catherine Keener) and his own chronically afflicted body. When Adele and his young daughter leave him for new, famous lives in Berlin, Caden spends the next 30 years funneling a Macarthur "genius" grant into staging his masterpiece: A city within a city, populated by himself, his doppelganger (Tom Noonan), his doppelganger's doppelganger and those of the people closest to him. Yet nobody and nothing is as close to Caden as his own admitted psychosis, the layers of which collapse onto and into each other in scene after scene.

Sounds great, right? Except, well, it is. Portraying a man vexed by doctors, lovers, work and ultimately himself (aging decades in the process), Hoffman digs into an adventure of suffering as ludicrous as it is bittersweet. In one crucial scene when the hunt for his estranged daughter takes him to Berlin, what little interaction they have both validates and fetishizes his paranoia — just one of dozens of metaphysical stunts that make Hoffman's performance thrilling and really kind of inspiring. He not only gets but owns all this mindbending melancholy, and for the maybe first time ever, we felt like we had a guide in our tumble down the Kaufman rabbit hole.

2. Six extraordinary roles for women. Starting with Samantha Morton as Caden's theater receptionist-turned-lover-turned-right-hand Hazel (and then Emily Watson as the woman who depicts her in his play), Synecdoche features enough dynamic parts for actresses to fill its own Oscar category. Michelle Williams and Dianne Wiest contribute brilliant turns as Caden's second wife and fourth doppelganger, respectively, but Hope Davis walks away with her scenes as arguably the world's worst couples therapist:

3. Charlie Kaufman gets to be Charlie Kaufman. Like director and former collaborator Michel Gondry, whose screenwriting debut Science of Sleep found a grandly ambitious balance of theory and technique that slipped through the twee seams of their Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Kaufman and his vision seem more potent and personal on their own. (Don't get us started about his overrated work with Spike Jonze.) It's another nifty trick under the circumstances; as Manohla Dargis alludes to in her fantastic NYT review, an opus about failure is itself a staggering creative success that took decidedly less than a lifetime to make. And for better or worse, it can happen to you. Maybe not the part about bedding Michelle Williams, but that never ends well anyway.

4. Hazel lives in a house on fire. Why? Kaufman professes not to know, but it makes already great scenes (and a classic, climactic bit of dark humor) altogether memorable.

5. Adele Lack's paintings. The square-inch canvases on display through the weekend at the Montalban Gallery are too absurdly small to require the paint-spattered basement workshop where Keener's character composes them, but we think their clues to Caden's past, present and future symbolize the rewards viewers earn for accepting an artist's challenge. Sound familiar? Like so much of the rest of Synecdoche, New York, it really is your life. We'd sincerely hate to see you miss it.

The pair boarded a private jet bound for Oregon yesterday along with the Brokeback Mountain actress's two-year-old daughter Matilda.

The trio were seen strolling together outside the airport, Williams at one point breaking into a broad smile.

Williams and Jonze, who previously dated Drew Barrymore, first met in 2006 when she auditioned for his film adaptation of the Maurice Sendak children's book Where The Wild Things Are.

She was offered a part, but later withdrew from the film.

We hate to scrutinize for meaning in the spilled tea-leaves of Williams's personal life, but this would make the second tortured Warner Bros. villain to romance the Brokeback Mountain star—Jonze of course being famously at odds with the studio over his vision on a $70 million children's book adaption that is rumored to be quickly swirling down a monster-fur-clogged drain. But Max eventually found his way safely back home, and we're confident this bedtime story will have a happy ending, too.

[Photo credit: Exposurephotos.com]

• Pictured: Heath Ledger's ex fiancée Michelle Williams with new love Spike Jonze [Daily Mail]

CY: Have you ever come across any celebrities that have crossed over like a Heath Ledger for example and asked them how they are?

JVP: Very good question. Yes I have. Yes Heath Ledger has appeared to me. Two weeks after he died I was shaving and right behind on the right side in the mirror his face appeared and he said to me in my head that I screwed up. Now he knew me. We didn't know each other directly, but we had mutual friends and he knew what I did. He said I screwed up. Then he thought about his daughter and that was it. Then the next thing I heard about Michelle [Williams], his ex, at their apartment in Brooklyn she's been haunted by him twice. Once she was awakened at 3:00 AM by furniture moving and another time at 4:00 AM in the morning. She said she knew it was him. There was a shadowy figure at the end of her bed. She knows it's him. I do get a sense that he is restless right now and really wants to speak with her. Actually as I speak I am working on doing a reading for her.

Right. We see Van Praagh working up to a hot interdimensional three-way, with the celebrity medium polishing his best Aussie accent, packing an overnight bag to Brooklyn and coaxing Williams closer and closer for carnal affirmation from the Other Side. "Heath's right here, Michelle... We shaved together ... He asked us to call a sitter ... and go upstairs ... Heath's not wearing underwear, Michelle ..." On and on, right down to the furniture moving again and the customary, "Heath needs a cigarette." It's so touching we could almost cry.

• James Van Praagh [CYInterview]

WHAT'S NEW: Baby Mama and Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay will duel for the top spot, with the latter film predicted to ride its franchise basis all the way to No. 1. Its R-rating won't help against the PG-13 Tina Fey vehicle, however, which could lure its core female demographic to an opening take of $13 million. Harold and Kumar's estimates are all over the place — from $11 million to $16.6 million — so wager now for Monday morning bragging rights. Also opening: Errol Morris's Abu Ghraib doc Standard Operating Procedure; the Burt Reynolds gambling drama Deal; and French legend Claude Lelouch's suspenser Roman de Gare.

THE BIG LOSER: Talk about dump-and-run: A-listers Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor, and Michelle Williams are hiding in plain sight in the "thriller" Deception, which we didn't even know existed until Variety revealed Fox was throwing it on 2,000 screens this weekend. And the critics love it almost as much as last week's Pacino-Bomb 88 Minutes; with 6% favorable ratings currently at Rotten Tomatoes, the film "was made to be forgotten," writes Onion AV Clubber Scott Tobias.

THE UNDERDOG: We're of two minds about Helen Hunt's directorial debut Then She Found Me. Yes, the sex in the film is quite terrible, and yes, the story lapses perhaps too eagerly at times into rom-com convention. (First mistake: casting Colin Firth.) But! Hunt's story of an adopted, baby-craving New Yorker (Hunt) whose husband leaves just as her birth mother (Bette Midler) reenters her life has way more going for it than we'd thought — Midler, for starters, whose meddling, mendacious mommy is one of her most modulated performances in years. Paired with Hunt, their timing, vulnerability and overall chemistry are as worthy as any of the Fey/Poehler maternity schtick anchoring Baby Mama.

FOR SHUT-INS: You'd be crazy to stay indoors this weekend, but still: New DVD's include Cloverfield, Charlie Wilson's War, The Savages and the most heavily anticipated TV revival of at least the last seven days, Laverne & Shirley: The Complete Fourth Season.

So are you with Team H&K or Baby Mama in the Battle of the Middling Spring Comedies? Will you roll the dice on Deception? Will you trust us on Bette Midler? Go ahead: Now tell us how to spend our weekend.

"The photogs had befriended Heath and invited him up to...party, never disclosing their true intentions. As Heath allegedly did coke, the photogs secretly videotaped the whole thing. When Heath realized what was happening, he went ballistic."

In light of rumors that scenes from The Dark Knight may be cut or altered due to screener audiences' discomfort while watching overly dark Ledger moments, coupled with the fact that Michelle Williams is due to promote her upcoming film Deception later this month, a lawsuit claiming Ledger's innocence is well-timed. So it's difficult to figure out if Jane Doe is acting out of good will in order to clean the late actor's record, or if she's simply a scorned ex looking to damage the rep of her former boyfriend's agency. Either way, the video (viewable here) does little to convince us that Ledger was actually using drugs the night he lost out on a SAG award for Brokeback Mountain in 2006. If the suit does see the light of day, we can at least take comfort in the plausibility that Ledger was simply blowing off steam with a cocktail, rather than rails, on that night.

• LAWSUIT OVER HEATH LEDGER AND ALLEGED COKE [TMZ]

"A series of documents filed in Manhattan Surrogate's Court revealed that the actor had less than $145,000 in New York assets at the time, including a $25,000 Toyota Prius and $20,000 in furniture and fixtures."

Both the Daily Mail and the NY Daily News are quick to speculate that Ledger most likely had trust funds, not to mention properties in Australia, but one of his priciest assets included the Brooklyn townhouse he'd shared with Michelle, originally bought in 2005 for $3.6 million. So why the (relatively) paltry sum given by the courts? As an estates specialist told the News, trusts and "jointly held assets" aren't included in Surrogate's Court findings. In the meantime, his father Kit has assured the press that Matilda and Michelle "will be taken care of," though the How factor is currently missing in the equation.

• FAMILY FEUD ERUPTS OVER HEATH LEDGER'S WILL AFTER DAUGHTER MATILDA IS LEFT OUT [Daily Mail]
• HEATH LEDGER ASSETS GIVEN TO PARENTS, SIBLINGS [NYDN]

We combed through the lengthy story so you don't have to; here are the takeaways.

· The day after the 2006 Oscars, for which he was nominated for Brokeback Mountain, he told a British filmmaking friend, "'I'll never make another good film again.'" According to the friend, "If this was what happened when you made a good film, he didn't think it was worth it. He found the whole thing absolutely harrowing. I think that after the Oscars, there was a kind of corner turned—and not a very good one."
· According to the magazine: "Todd Haynes remembers how the actor would lean on his fiancée when they were shooting [I'm Not There] in late summer 2006. 'The night before we were going to shoot a scene, he started to have a real panic about it,' says Haynes. "He had to call Michelle in New York, who talked him through relaxation methods to try to get him asleep. He said he was just curled up in a corner holding one of Matilda's stuffed animals, and he slept about an hour and came on set.'"
· After spending a night last summer partying at New York's Beatrice Inn with a friend named Nathan, Ledger and his friend invited two women back to Heath's new apartment on 421 Broome. "Nathan said, 'Heath can't see [the drugs here].' He was making an effort to protect him, and Heath was obviously in a vulnerable state. He said, 'Heath cannot see this stuff, he had problems, he's sober now.'"
· According to the article's author Chris Norris, "[Ledger] might have been better off if he had behaved more horribly, if he weren't so widely adored. An addict's best hope for recovery is being an intolerable asshole when he's using. And to say the least, few remember that kind of Ledger."

• ANALYZING THE DOUBLE LIFE OF HEATH LEDGER [NYM]

UPDATE: Michelle Williams's publicist refutes Us's Ledger rehab story, after the jump.

The actor, who is godfather to Ledger's two-year-old daughter Matilda, has been devastated by last week's news. Says one Gyllenhaal friend, "Jake is taking this harder than most people." [...]

This has had a strong personal effect on [Jake]," says a set source. The insider adds that Gyllenhaal left the set immediately after learning of Ledger's Jan. 22 death - but he flew back on a commercial flight to shoot an additional scene on Thursday.

"He was there, but he wasn't with us. It was obviously a major trauma," says the movie source. "These guys were very close. [Jake] was sitting in the director's chair staring off into space."

Not depressed enough yet? Well perhaps Us Weekly's new cover, "Heath Ledger's Secret Struggles," will sweep the remaining crumbs of hope from your overtaxed hearts. According to their reports, Michelle Williams drove Ledger to Promises shortly after the 2006 Oscars, insisting he seek help with various drug addictions. He refused to leave the car, pledging instead that he'd sort though his dependency issues on his own. Their lead besotted with grief, shooting on Williams's current project Blue Valentine has been "postponed until further notice," says a ThinkFilm rep.

UPDATE: Williams's rep responds to the Us story:

"Much of the tabloid reporting is inaccurate," Mara Buxbaum tells CelebTV.com. "This fabricated story of Michelle Williams attempting to bring Heath Ledger to rehab is just one lie among many. The speculation is heinous. Let this family grieve privately."

• Jake Is Taking Heath's Death 'Harder Than Most' [People]
• EXCLUSIVE: Heath Ledger Refused to Get Out of Car to Enter Rehab in 2006 [Usmagazine.com]
• Heath's ex too 'Blue' to do next movie [NY Daily News]

In today's episode: Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore; Jake Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst; Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams; Kevin Smith; Linda Cardellini and Thomas Ian Nicholas; Scott Caan; Lara Flynn Boyle; Donatella Versace; Paula Abdul and Dante Spencer; Thandie Newton; Kevin Anderson and Chrisine Lahti; Renee Russo, Jackie Collins and Jack Klugman; Kathy Griffin; Rockmond Dunbar, Amaury Nolasco and Lane Garrison; Eric Szmanda and Paul Adelstein; Nick Cannon; Nick Cannon, Justin Long and Bill Maher; Talan Torriero; and Michael McDonald.

· Yesterday, 5/7. Runyon Canyon. Not even five minutes after smoking a bowl, saw Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore with their two dogs, one big, one small. Ashton was tall as hell, Demi was a small, tight bundle of MILF. As my gf was grabbing for a poopbag, Demi kindly handed hers to her, speaking in her raspy voice. My high-on girlfriend didn't know who it was until I told her. It was hot out despite Demi's cold weather indicators saying otherwise. Later on, spotted Diane Farr of Numb3rs. Everything is numbers.

· Jake Gyllenhaal in his ever present blue hoodie and Kirsten Dunst with Spiderman hair at The Guillemots show at The Roxy last night. Very low key. No NOTICE ME WE'RE STARS type attitude.

· Evidence that a late-ish dinner at the Chateau Marmont patio will end any celeb sighting drought: Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams were seated at a table in the middle with about 3 or 4 other peeps last night (5/9). It's hard to see clearly there, what with the dim candle light and hedges that get in the way and whatnot, but I did notice them holding hands and displaying what appeared to be sincere (and thankfully, appropriate) PDA.

· Kevin Smith @ the Arclight last night (5/7) buying tickets to a movie that may not have been MI:3. He was shamelessly self-promoting CLERKS 2 by wearing a bright red baseball jersey with the movie title in huge letters on the back.

Coachella sightings (I know I'm late!)

Spotted Linda Cardellini just outside the tent after Clap Your Hands Say Yeah hanging out with all the regular people. Later on that night, saw Thomas Ian Nicholas backstage during Daft Punk. He seemed completely not interested in one of the best performances of the weekend. His friends were also jockeying Paul Oakenfold who stood next to me, stone faced, during the whole set.

· Just had breakfast at Lulu's on Beverly. Scott Caan was a few tables away, having breakfast with a similarly hoodied and long-shortsed fellow. Looked good. After they paid their bill, the two of them got into Scott's car and sat there behind tinted windows for a few minutes. And then the other guy got out, counted his wad of 20s, and stuffed it into his wallet. Awesome.

· Tuesday, saw Lara Flynn Boyle walking her black lab on La Cienega and Third across from the Beverly Center. Tiny but not as skeletal as I expected—didn't look like she was going to drop dead in the street or anything. No makeup but has beautiful skin, which suprised me. I thought anorexics aged early? Excellent posture, looks like she took ballet lessons once upon a time.

· Saw Donatella Versace and many bodyguards at the cafe at Fred Segal Santa Monica on Saturday. This is the second time I've seen her, and she never looks as bad as you'd think she would look. The best part is that she was eating what I believe may have been a cheeseburger.

· Saw Paula Abdul at the Glen Center, hand and with her HOT boyfriend Dante Spencer and her dogs (I have to admit the little rats were cute, and they looked naked for celeberty dogs no clothes, no jewels, only colars and leashes). They were coming from the direction of Pets of Bel Air, so maybe they were on a family outing. Both Paula and Dante looked cute, casual and oh so stylish in jeans and t-shirts. Paula had on at least 6 inch heels but they didn't do much to help because he still towered over her. I never noticed before what a nice ass she has, But you got to give credit where credit is do. They're a sweet looking couple and if you believe the rumor mill, together for almost a year now. Someone should tell her, she can quit hiding him.

· Thandie Newton in the petting zoo @ Studio City farmer's market, Sunday, noonish

· Two weeks ago went to the Brentwood street festival. Saw Kevin Anderson at Starbucks. Also caught eyes with Christine Lahti, who was wearing a very fresh Spring suit. Very pretty, and very tall.

Went to the opening of Salome with Al Pacino. Kevin Anderson is in it. Red carpet event. Saw Renee Russo, who is inexplicably beautiful. Also, Jackie Collins and Jack Klugman (not together!).

· Tuesday, May 9, I was breakfasting at Toast and saw none other than Kathy Griffin leaving and collecting her car at valet. Maybe she as having a celebratory cupcake for her new TV special "Kathy Griffin: Strong Black Woman" — I believe it airs tonight. I'm not much of a Kathy Griffin fan (her reality show is cringe-worthy), but the title makes me giggle. Anyway, homegirl was in an all green ensemble, very soccer mom. Her hair looks like straw and is the color of Fanta. Cool! Her face didn't look as plastic surgery worked over as it does on TV. She climbed into a sporty new metallic blue Mercedes and drove away. Sweet ride!

· While watching the Lakers blow it in Game 6 against the Suns, saw some of my favorite felons from Prison Break. C Note (Rockmond Dunbar), Sucre (Amaury Nolasco) and Tweener (Lane Garrison) were there to take in the game. C-Note seemed into the game, Tweener seemed into being seen and Sucre just seemed incredibly hot. Being trapped in a cell with him and Wentworth Miller seems like the perfect way to spend an evening.

· Jury Duty, Downtown Criminal Court on Wednesday, May 10: saw CSI's Eric Szmanda (Greg Sanders). He got his service postponed, which makes no sense since he's basically on summer vacation for the next 3 months, but with all this talk of the "CSI effect" on juries, maybe he figures he's part of the problem. Also saw Prison Break's Paul Adelstein (Agent Kellerman) who I'm happy to report did not shirk his civic duty and served all day, but he's kind of a slob in person.

· Was on the same flight as Nick Cannon and posse coming back to L.A. from San Francisco this weekend. He was keepin' it real...real gaudy with a thick link gold chain that must have weighed about ten or twenty pounds around his skinny little neck and a Louis Vuitton backpack carry on. I was disappointed that there was no "Wild 'N Out" in first class during the hour long flight. He and his posse followed us all the way to the curb where they packed up into an SUV and we waited for a shuttle. Nick didn't help his posse pack the bags into the back. Neither did the limo driver.

· My friends and I managed to talk our way into Jeremy Piven's/Perez Hilton's Cinco de Mayo party at the Velvet Margarita Cantina last night. We got there kind of late, so the celeb sightings were at a bare minimum — no Piv, no Perez. But we had the fortune of seeing Nick Cannon leaving the party (he's looking really good these days), Justin Long (who I will always think of of the guy who almost got to bang Britney in "Crossroads" and nothing else) looking cute, and we had the grave misfortune of seeing Bill Maher making out with several skanky LA "hotties" on a big, red couch in the corner. Ew.

· Was having drinks yesterday at The Cat & Fiddle patio at around 5 p.m. and was sitting right next to Talan Torriero from Laguna Beach. No Kim Stewart in sight, but he was chatting up a pretty brunette. Talan was also wearing the ugliest shirt ever: a yellow Miami Vice t-shirt that's meant to look vintage and worn but was obviously just bought at Urban Outfitters a couple days ago.

· Does Michael McDonald from MadTV count for PrivacyWatch? What if it's at a leather-y gay bar in Silverlake? I'd always suspected the comedic semi-genius behind "Stuart" was a poofter but was nice to have it confirmed — the Faultline isn't really one of those gay bars that "cool" straight people frequent. Seemed to be enjoying himself. Wanted to go up and say "I can doooo it!!!" but was too crowded.

BEST ACTOR: This category should be renamed Best Impersonation of a Real-Life Dead Guy. Terrence Howard fails to qualify. David Strathairn is known as an actor’s actor, which means he’s never the first guest on Leno or Letterman. Translation: He’s not flashy enough to win. Joaquin Phoenix played it like Johnny Cash Lite, so he’s out. Philip Seymour Hoffman eerily seemed more Capotesque than even the writer’s archival footage, so he’s the front-runner. Which leaves as his only serious competition Heath Ledger. I dunno, couldn’t he have married someone hotter than Michelle Williams? I think that lapse in judgment alone gives the Oscar to Hoffman.

In a word (OK, three): No. She. Didn't. Call Ledger's touchingly tortured—if mumble-mouthed—performance overrated if you must, but declaring his baby's momma not hot enough is dirty pool, especially considering that her main on-screen competition was either a) saddled with progressively more horrifying Texan fright-wigs, or b) a pouty Jake Gyllenhaal in a Marlboro Man get-up.

• How Gay Will Oscar Go? [LA Weekly]
• Previously: Heath Ledger And Michelle Williams’ Red Carpet Ambush [Defamer]

Newsweek: Do you still talk to your pals from "Dawson's Creek"?

Williams: Gosh. Your editor wanted you to ask this, didn't he?

Newsweek: You know where this question is headed.

Williams: I have an idea.

Newsweek: So how is Katie Holmes?

Williams: This question is starting to make me feel cheap. I'm turning into a party trick. Everywhere I go I lie down to get a massage and they're like, "I have to ask you." It's certainly not their business.

No, it most certainly is not their business. And we imagine it won't be long before the Scientology wellness crusade adds the snoopy, suspicious world of massage therapists to its long list of deleterious "health professional" hoaxters plaguing humanity. Instead, they recommend their "tissue clearance" method, a rigorous regimen of vitamins and invasive questionnaires that relieves all muscle tension without the well-documented, cancer-causing side effects of dangerous "street massage."

• Quite a Journey [Newsweek.com]
• Previously: Other Katie Holmes Ex-Boyfriends Evaluate Her Suspicious Relationship To Tom Cruise [Defamer]