That low rumble you felt in your loins this morning wasn't the D train beneath you, headed north to Fordham. No, it was a subconscious reaction to the news that Zac Efron, a young and brave ambassador from the Elf kingdoms of the West, has been cast in yet another movie. It's called The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud, based on the novel of the same name. This comes on the heels (harrrrr) of the news that he's ducked out of the remake of Footloose that Disney-porn auteur Kenny Ortega plans to direct. It's unclear when Efron, whose Elf name is ZaideeEfwinkle, will return to his kingdom of mushroom stools and Kikaree birds, but it seems likely that he'll first have to play the lead in that buzzed-about Shirley Temple biopic. [Variety]

Tom Hanks is developing a movie based on the old action hero space toy Major Matt Mason, who was a noble explorer of the final frontier who lived in a space station. The project is expected to proceed apace until some brave intern timidly taps Hanks on the shoulder and, when he's got his attention, kindly and quietly reminds him that he's not 35 anymore. [Variety] Dennis Quaid and Julianne Moore fucking hate each other. Oh wait, ha ha, no. Just their characters. Quaid is slated to play Bill Clinton and Moore his beautiful wife Hillary in an upcoming HBO film called The Special Relationship, about Clinton's dealings with British PM Antoinette Blair. A weary, so very bored Michael Sheen will once again play Blair, his third go around in the role. [Variety]

National Amusements cinemas is up for sale (by Citigroup), but is not attracting any bids. Potential buyers have been chased away because they want to buy select theaters from the 1,000 screen chain, not the whole kitten caboodle, but Citi won't let 'em. Had they done like I wanted and kept the Circle Cinemas in Cleveland Circle open, none of this would be an issue, I suspect. [THR]

Jon Hamm is playing the lawyer who inspired Perry Mason in the Allen Ginsburg biopic Howl. [Variety] Sparkly vampyr twink Robert Pattinson is going to be a star-crossed lover in the Summit feature (they own him) Memoirs. [Variety] And Slumdog Millionaire pretty face Freida Pinto will star in Julian Schanbel's next artsy fartsy movie, alongside Hiam Abbas, who acquitted herself beautifully in The Visitor. [Variety]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer scourge Michelle Trachtenberg has been cast in that pilot about nurses that isn't Nurse Jackie, called Mercy. She'll play a clueless dork. Fitting. But srsly, folks. This woman has the best agent in the biz. Her continued and frequent employment is baffling. [THR] Meanwhile George Lopez, the man responsible for both Beverly Hills Chihuahua and for currently ruining Nick at Nite, has nabbed the most coveted job in showbiz. He'll be the host of a TBS late-night talk show. Sounds bleak, sure, but Lopez actually has kind of a rabid following. (Rabid was a joke about chihuahuas... sigh). [THR]

Boomp3.com

Buffy The Vampire Slayer star Michelle Trachtenberg showed off her recent purchase from Malibu's most trendiest new boutique, "Un Jake Pour Vous." The high end boutique's mission is to help women turn their current boyfriend into their own personal Jake Gyllenhaal. Storeowner Maggie Fenech felt that creating a store to help women in making over their man was long overdue. Fenech said, "When I was trying to change my boyfriend's wardrobe after a year of being together, I was running all over the place. Sure, I could've gone online to pick up everything, but you need to touch and feel the fabrics. So, here we are with a store full of Gyllenhaal approved threads and facial hair growth kits."

Trachtenberg believes that her Gyllenhaal inspired look isn't too close to the current Gyllenhaal look. Trachtenberg said, "My Jakey has a bit of an indie rock vibe to him. You know, he could be in Vampire Weekend or a cooler band. I also picked up a shirt for myself."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

Bucking all the Hollywood dieting trends and fads, Gossip Girl guest star Michelle Trachtenberg enjoyed an ice cream sundae while on set yesterday. Trachtenberg explained that it was a hot day and, quite frankly, frozen yogurt doesn't quite hit the spot on a hot day. However, Trachtenberg did say that she called her personal trainer and notified him that she was going to have some ice cream and that her workout the following day would reflect her decision to have ice cream.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

As we reported this week, Gellar, er, Sarah Michelle Prinze (shudder) is set to take over for Kate Bosworth in the upcoming Veronika Decides To Die, Nicholas Brendon claims he is busy "writing and acting" (aren't we all!), and Charisma Carpenter, who CC2K reports said under ten words all night, joked with Seth Green about "collaborating on a series of fitness videos." Which is actually not a bad idea; Charisma could show us how to pick up guys at LA Fitness while Seth instructs tiny-framed guys like himself on how easy it is to lift 10-pounders without needing a spotter. We'd shell out at least two bucks for that DVD.

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