• Having his tawdry personal life ripped wide open for the world to see isn't doing David Letterman any harm ratings-wise. The Hollywood Reporter writes, "Far from hurting the host's popularity, the sex-and-extortion headlines seemingly have had little impact on his late-night show and possibly even helped the series grow its viewership compared with last year." Season to date, The Late Show is up four percent in viewership, compared to its main competitor NBC's Conan O'Brien who has taken just a tiny 47 percent drop this season compared to Leno's performance in the slot last year. [Hollywood Reporter]

• In the end, Michael Jackson came through. After a back and forth over the past two weeks over whether the hype machine was properly calibrated to the public level of enthusiasm for the rehearsal documentary, This Is It earned a decent $21 million at the US box, although this morning's write-ups focus on the more impressive sounding world tally of $101 million, ample to earn Sony back its $60 purchase price. (Which is odd in that Monday morning box office write-ups almost never mention international grosses, generally taking the US box office as the whole magilla.) The consensus view seems to focus now on the stat that This will become the highest grossing concert film in history. Which is not quite the "Biggest Movie of All Time Ever In History" the media seemed to be heralding a week ago, but still nothing to sneeze at. [Box Office Mojo]

• Elsewhere at the box office, Paranormal Activity continued its run, taking the number two slot and bringing its total domestic haul to $84 million. Saw 6 fell off 60 percent from its already unimpressive opening weekend numbers giving faint hope that the series' day may be drawing to a close (but don't count on it.) [Variety]

• The NBC/Universal drama is on the brink of resolution. Comcast is said to have reached a tentative agreement to buy the studio and network, with an announcement expected at any time. [NY Times]

• Katie Holmes will star in and earn her first producing credit for The Romantics, a film about eight college friends who reunite for a wedding also starring Anna Paquin, Elijah Wood and Malin Ackerman. [Variety]

No, really. Yesterday, there was this tiny item buried in the New York Post. Maybe they wanted to be nice to a publicist? Or maybe because this kind of thing was too ghoulish even for Halloween.

Michael Jackson's dad thinks the singer is "worth more dead than when he was alive." Joe Jackson, 80, let that slip last night in an interview on the syndicated TV show "Extra." Jackson — decked out in creepy sunglasses and a blinged-out, black, chalk-stripe suit — quickly recognized his gaffe and blurted out, "I'd rather have him alive."

One hell of a necrophiliac Freudian slip, right? Extra has the item up on their site, but no video, yet: again, wonder why. Meanwhile, when the early week's numbers for This Is It aren't being praised/castigated/positioned both ways by Nikki Finke, the movie's been predicted by Box Office Guru to possibly - maybe - break the $20M mark by the end of the weekend, which is short of the earlier predicted $30M mark.

Whether or not it's "impressive" or a "disappointment," however? Meh. Leave it to studios and math geeks. All that matters is that Joe Jackson sees dollah dollah bills, y'all. Which means Jackson is a star yet again. Give this man awards, Al Sharpton! Abusive in life, abusive in death. Parents won't stop being embarrassing until the universe just flat-out ends.

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin/Garry Sun.]

How does one properly cover hype? If you're an old time news organ, or even if you are a new one, trying to stay in front of the hype machine, nowadays driven by forces you hardly understand, is a perpetual conundrum. Trying to sort out the fake viral phenomenon from the genuine ones is a losing battle for those of us who haven't been teenagers in the past three decades or so. (And don't think google or twitter trends will save you! Those are for old people too!)

So most of the time what you get is the dog chasing the car, the news media attempting to cover the fan worship of a Twilight, but usually coming on board long after the frenzy has crested, and talking about it in a way which only emphasizes how not-in-touch with it they were in the first place. Watching the great news organs of our land, one can smoothly chart the wave of coverage that sweeps ashore right after everyone has left the beaches.

The cycle is generally as follows:

1. An event occurs, or is announced.
2. Excitement builds.
3. The frenzy gets loud enough that it makes itself heard all the way on the old media mountaintop.
4. Old media assigns a zillion stories.
5. People get bored and move on to something else.
6. The assigned articles hit the front pages and covers.
7. The recycling bins of America are clogged by millions of unread newspapers.

However, once in a blue moon old media's savants think they've gotten ahead of the hype machine, and when that happens nothing is going to hold them back; certainly not extremely spotty evidence of any wave of enthusiasm actually building — apart from officially generated hype.

What makes editors think they know ahead of time when a hype wave is coming? Usually because one washed ashore on the same spot before. So when another Michael Jackson story is coming along, it just had to be as big as the last one, right? Or half as big?

The LA Times for instance, (disclosure: my former employer) put that formula to good use, cover the This premiere like a Presidential Inauguration, complete with daily Countdown items, a live blog stream from the premiere, and reporters standing by at the multiplex as fans exited the first shows.

The NY Times offered similar near-blanket coverage.

(Showing how the tables have turned, USA Today's volume of coverage was in fact, fairly measured.)

Nowhere in these reports does one find any moment of skepticism, any hint of awareness that the wave of Jackson mourning might just have crested. Other than reporting the early ticket sales numbers, in fact and talking with hard core fans, one can't find any evidence that any major paper even attempted to do any real world pulse taking on the excitement level.

Which leaves us to ask, when a newspaper tells us that a frenzy is building, on what are the basing that? The word of the studios? Unconfirmed tracking numbers? Or are they just making it up from their own gut instincts? If it's the latter, then someone oughta tell them that after chasing away ten percent of their readers in a single year, maybe they ought to take a look in the mirror and ask themselves if they are really the people whose opinion about public tastes they ought to be listening to.

And now that the movie has opened to middling numbers,inevitably will follow the stories about why it failed to do as well as expected. But very few of those stories are likely to ask who bought and who created those expectations in the first place; it apparently wasn't the public paying for that particular bill of goods.

Nikki, the internet remembers everything. For instance, it remembers — courtesy our RSS reader which handily enough tracks changes in blog posts — how you originally characterized the opening numbers of the new Michael Jackson movie This Is It as "extraordinary," and changed it to "disappointing" after getting spun the other way. One of those is true!

This isn't the first time she's turned 180 degrees without any disclosure as to what changed her mind. In Tad Friend's profile of Finke in The New Yorker, he retells the tale of how she once posted an item claiming that Jeff Berg was out at the talent agency ICM, only to later erase that text and replace it with a new item that started, "Let me knock down that rumor making the rounds that Jeff Berg is supposedly leaving ICM." She told Friend that the original, completely wrong post "was up for about a minute." There's no real way to tell because she never noted the change and never changed the original time stamp.

There was also an incident concerning her "scoop" about who was going to direct the third Twilight movie:

Finke is conscientious about fixing errors noted by her sources, but she is less hospitable to challenges from colleagues. In March, Patrick Goldstein, who writes the Big Picture blog for the Los Angeles Times, reproved Finke for getting her facts wrong when she wrote a story saying that Summit Entertainment was telling people that Juan Antonio Bayona would direct the third installment of the hit vampire series "Twilight." (The job eventually went to David Slade.) Finke might have simply riposted with further evidence that Summit executives had picked Bayona but were embarrassed that he hadn't taken the job; instead, she wrote a followup story blasting Goldstein: "I'd hate to think Patrick is becoming one of those journalists who, because they can't break news, dump on those who do."

Other bloggers jumped in, delighted to see Finke under fire. One pointed out that Finke had quietly returned to her original post about Bayona and inserted qualifying material, including the sentence "I'm not saying he's been offered the job or hired, which in Hollywood involves deal memos, signed contracts, and the like." She explains, "I didn't change what I wrote-I added to it."

So, here's what Finke wrote this morning about the This Is It numbers:

THURSDAY 10:30 AM: Sony just announced that Michael Jackson's This Is It opened Wednesday to an extraordinary start all around the world in 99 countries with a 1-day gross of $20.1 million. The film opened to 7.4 million domestically and $12.7 internationally. Foreign highlights include strong performances from the UK $1.940, France $1.370, Japan $1.160, Germany $1.050, China $.730, Sweden $.490, Holland $.390, Mexico $.370, Brazil $.350, and Australia $.330. The film opens in 10 additional territories today. The studio believes that the worldwide launch, with very strong performance across North America, Europe, Latin America and Asia, represents an amazing beginning for the film and...

Here's what she says now:

THURSDAY 10:30 AM: Sony just announced that Michael Jackson's This Is It opened Wednesday all around the world in 99 countries with a 1-day gross of $20.1 million. Immediately, Hollywood considered that disappointing after all the pre-sales hype surrounding the concert footage and its 2-week limited run. The film opened to a paltry $7.4 million domestic even including Tuesday's $2.2M late night showings. That's almost 50% less than the $17M Sony hoped for, and 39% less than the $12M Hollywood expected. "This is not promising," a rival studio exec just told me. Even overseas, where Michael Jackson is considered more popular than here, its solid but not spectacular debut was $12.7 million internationally. (Foreign numbers included UK $1.9M, France $1.3M, Japan $1.1M, Germany $1.0M, China $730K, Sweden $490K, Holland $390K, Mexico $370K, Brazil $350K, and Australia $330K. The film opens in 10 additional territories today.) The studio tried to put the best face on the bow, claiming the worldwide launch featured "very strong performance" across North America, Europe, Latin America and Asia, and "represents an amazing beginning for the film and a reaffirmation of the global appeal of Michael Jackson". Uh, no. In North America, This Is It took in the highest gross ever for a Wednesday in October, which is a rather minor record. "The studio expects strong word of mouth and impressive critical acclaim to continue to drive ticket sales," a Sony spokesman said. There was some good news for the studio: the movie received an "A" Cinemascore across the board.

Interestingly, Finke posted the first one at 10:30 a.m., and then got a call or e-mail from some sniping exec telling her how "Hollywood considered" the numbers disappointing, and then traveled back in time and posted the second one at "10:30 a.m.". This woman's powers transcend temporal instantiation. No wonder no one can take a picture of her.

We called Finke to get her reaction and had a delightful conversation. Here's what she said on the record: "You're full of shit. Gawker doesn't practice journalism and lives to impugn those who do." She followed up with an email: "I'm flattered that Gawker reads me so closely, especially when I had the Sony press release up for all of a few minutes. Once I had a chance to analyze the numbers, I updated that they were disappointing." When Nikki Finke regurgitates press releases without analysis, she only does it for a minute.

UPDATE: At 3:44 p.m. EST, we changed the lead tag on this item to "get me rewrite," because this new-fangled tag system rendered our original choice of "do-overs" as "doovers," which looked silly, right?

• Will Wisteria Lane never know peace? ABC has signed a new deal with Desperate Housewives creator Mark Cherry that could keep the show on the air until 2013. [Variety]

• Hollywood has a new profitability King! The Wrap calculates that Paranormal Activity made for under $15,000 and so far grossing $65.1 million has now seen a 433,900 percent return on its budget, which soars past Blair Witch's 414,233 percent return on its $60,000 production. [The Wrap]

• After its first full day of theatrical release, the Michael Jackson documentary This Is It has earned a very nice but not world-destroying This Is It $6.6 million. [Variety]

• Meanwhile at NBC, one shall live while another shall die. The Peacock ordered six more episodes of Chuck, while the dream ended for Trauma as the network announced it would not order more episodes beyond the show's initial 13 episodes run. [Hollywood Reporter]

• While dozens of productions have signed on to keep shooting in California as a result of the state's new tax incentive program, the money set aside for the tax break's first year has run out and production continues to flee its home state, citing bigger tax breaks available elsewhere. [The Wrap]

• Risking stepping into serious bummer territory Vh1 will run a new reality/book camp show, aimed teaching a group of men how to be good fathers. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Tony Scott has singed on to direct the story he was born to tell; a biopic based on the life of Steve Banerjee, the creator of Chippendales male revues. [Variety]

For some there was the fear that the release of This Is It, the documentary of rehearsals for the MJ concert that wasn't, might not mark the end of our mourning period but in fact kick it up to the next level. But it seems our fears were for naught. The first reviews and grosses are in and across the board the over-the-top ecstasy level falls far short of what would be needed to fuel a second era of posthumous excitement.

First the grosses: $2.2 million for a Tuesday night opening isn't at all bad, but it's not the kind of number that sets entertainment on fire either, especially in light of the fact that this film's opening has been more hyped than the first salvos of the Iraq war. "A record for an October Tuesday" Variety calls it, which is basically akin to the Best Garden Salad at Hardees award.

At Hitfix, Greg Ellwood writes of the early dollars:

Many of Jackson's fans showed up last night to pay tribute to their fallen idol at late night and midnight screenings, but it only resulted in $2.2 million in ticket sales. In comparison, summer blockbusters Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen found $16 million and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince set the record for midnight screenings with $22.2 million. Obviously, there is a hug gap there between the summer releases and an October opener like "This Is It," but considering the hype it's actually a tad disappointing.

This Is It could do anywhere from $10-15 million today, but the question will be how it plays through the Halloween weekend. That may make the $60 million plus weekend some were predicting somewhat of a reach.

As for the reviews, those who can be counted upon to gush, have gushed. Roger Ebert calls it "an extraordinary documentary" saying the footage proves that Jackson was sane, in control, generous, kind, visionary....

Other more level heads however have pointed out have pointed out that this rehearsal footage offers a very circumscribed, controlled look at Jackson, leaving much unsaid and unquestioned.

Overall Metacritc gives This Is It a fairly not It score of 62, while Rotten Tomatoes tracks the film at a good, but not stellar 81 percent positive rating.

Dare we to dream that this could, in face, be it?

• The dream has ended for Shrek: The Musical. The stage adaptation of the cartoon which attempted to change the Great White Way forever with this revolutionary classy dramatic rendition of a farting contest (we're not kidding, watch the clip), finally accepted the call of gravity just under a year after its debut. [Variety]

• The immediate fate of Roman Polanski is unclear today. After reports earlier this week that he would not fight extradition to the US, today the picture is muddier, with his legal team apparently hotly debating the question. [Hollywood Reporter]

• This Is It, the documentary based on what would have been Michael Jackson's concert series, is headed for a big opening, with 1600 of its showings already sold out. [NY Times]

• David Fincher has signed on to produce a TV series based on the British political thriller House of Cards. The novels which were adopted into a classic trilogy of mini-series by the BBC a decade ago portray the rise and fall of a ruthless British Prime Minister. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Signaling to the world's geek community that it is time to hurry up and say their last goodbyes, Fox has announced it is pulling Joss Whedon's Dollhouse from its November sweeps schedule. [Hitfix]

• Technicolor has finally taken its place on the bandwagon to shove 3D - and its accompanying higher ticket prices - down the world's throat, announcing it has found a solution that will allow non-digital equipped movie houses a conventional means of projecting 3D. [Variety]

Us Weekly reports that Rebbie Jackson, Michael's oldest sister and the one who is suhttp://publish.gawker.com/ged/5381533#pposedly caring for the children, is not participating in the show and believes it would make Michael "spin in his grave." The children are in the custody of their grandmother, Katherine, who will participate in the show along with her husband Joe, who was always the mastermind behind the family's grabs at fame. A source tells Us that Katherine "is just going along with things."

Didn't the family learn their lesson the first time around. A life that started in the spotlight didn't turn out that great for Michael, why would he want to inflict that on these children as well. And look at poor Blanket in the picture above. Does that look like a kid who wants to have cameras in his bedroom?

The rest of the family—including Janet, the most famous living Jackson—is on board for either five hour-long episodes or 10 half hours. There will be 23 Jacksons in total, so it sounds like the whole brood will be counting their reality television money together.

Update: A rep for A&E told CNN that Michael Jackson's children "are not part of the series." Us Weekly says it stands by its story.

[Image via Getty]

1.) Behind the Music: Bobby Brown



Despite the fact that Whitney's comeback album and big interview on Oprah is what's renewed the public's interest in Bobby Brown, none of that was mentioned. In fact, when he did speak of Whitney, he wasn't exactly diplomatic.

They were both fucked up during that marriage. After getting addicted to cocaine and heroin, Bobby says that he doesn't remember an entire five-year block of time.

2.) Seth MacFarlane dropped the F-bomb live on E!'s Emmys red carpet show.
And the censors were too slow on the uptake to bleep it.

3.) Michael Jackson's illegitimate sister's first-ever TV interview
Joh'Vonnie Jackson, 31, is Joe Jackson's lovechild who was evidently always known about and even invited to a family reunion at Neverland.

4.) In other fucked-up showbiz family news
While on Oprah on Wednesday, Mackenzie Phillips thought this anecdote about Mick Jagger would lighten the mood set by her incest bombshell, but the audience was too freaked out.

5.) Synergy of #3 and #4
The Insider presents Mack and Mike, together, singing a song about addiction…to junk food.

6.) Lara Spencer's spot gets blown up.

7.) Language arts with The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Alternate way of saying "tardy for the party":

Alternate way of saying "STFU":

Alternate way of saying "vagina":

8.) Wendy Williams sucks at American history.

9.) Khloe Kardashian ponders one of life's big questions.

10.) Senior citizens in a strip club
A strip club in Florida offers senior citizens free flu shots and a buffet lunch.

Free food, meds and tits? This guy is probably wondering if he died already, 'cause he's in heaven.

According to British tab-rag The Sun, Jackson once told a friend — a rabbi! — Shmuley Boteach that Hitler, leader of the anti-Jews, was a genius orator. Which, despite the murderous dicator's message, is, sadly, accurate.

So said Jackson, according to Boteach's secretly recorded tapes:

Hitler was a genius orator. To make that many people turn and change and hate, he had to be a showman and he was.

In addition to praising Hitler's oratorical manipulation, Jackson also insisted that he could have cured the hate-filled Fuhrer. Which, we suppose, could be true: Hitler's entire genocidal concept would have been inverted after seeing a black man turned into a white woman.

1.) Whitney!

2.) Where do broken hearts go?
Harpo Studios, Chicago.

3.) Was Hailey Glassman on Monday's episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8?
While Kate was away shooting guns, Jon was playing dress up with his daughters, pulling from a bag of women's clothes that definitely were not his soon-to-be-ex-wife's. A girl in the background, with her face blurred out, was lending a helping hand.

Jon filled out his dress, nicely.

I love how one of the little girls ended up looking like Mary-Kate Olsen.

4.) David Rothenberg, grown up
When I was younger, I was obsessed with this TV movie David, starring Bernadette Peters.

It was based on the true story of David Rothenberg, who was only 6-years-old when his father tried to murder him by setting him on fire, and causing severe burns to over 90% of David's body.

The real David whom the movie was based on was befriended by Michael Jackson. David, now in his 30s, has lived a really private life (and changed his name to Dave Dave), but resurfaced this week when he attended—and spoke at—MJ's burial.

He also debunked rumors on Larry King Live.

5.) He's not angry, he's mad.
In other MJ news, Joe Jackson speaks out for the first time since the other times he spoke out.

6.) The poor girl's brother just died!
Alena Jenkins, the 19-year-old sister of Ryan Jenkins, was interviewed today on Good Morning America. Alena is the one who most likely drove her brother to the motel where he subsequently hung himself. While trying to be a hard-nosed journalist, this GMA reporter just ended up coming off like an insensitive ass.

7.) Maureen McCormick is losing weight for publicity…again.

She's also losing her mind.

8.) Who wants an Alter-Ego?

9.) "Her future ambition is to be a successful woman."
Crawl before you walk, bitch. God!

10.) "Limousines, Parties"
Did you know that the Daytime Emmy Awards is the most glamorous night in television?

Pure glamour!

To many news outlets, the funeral and its cast of characters were breaking news. Jackson was one of the most talented, successful and media-ready celebrities ever. Every twist and turn since the singer's death has become a headline, a morsel to be devoured by an ever-hungry public. Still, tonight's script had somewhat hushed and network anchors were forced to offer tabloid details (Liz! Macaulay Culkin! Lisa Marie Prestley!) while also describing the event as "intimate." That combination, we're sure, sparked a bit of cognitive dissonance.

But clearly this mournful milestone was not simply a family affair. Yes, fans were prohibited from participating, but, in the end, only about a dozen even showed. It was the media the police had to wrangle and keep confined. Even barricaded, though, the media still received its feed from the Jackson family itself, who had set up a spot light and camera to mark the occasion. Whether it was for our benefit or theirs depends on one's perspective and levels of cynicism.

Blessedly, though, cameras were turned off for the actual funeral, during which Gladys Knight sang and Al Sharpton spoke. The spectacle that has surrounded Jackson himself, his body and his nearly ritualistic send-off has finally come to a close. The story of his death and those involved, however, will go on, and of course will not remain so respectful.

While the late pop-star's dermatologist allegedly believes he's the father of Paris and Prince Michael, there are still rumors swirling around Blanket. And, of course, those rumors are wild, titillating and just plain wacky. Some believed that restrauteur Al Malnik fathered the long-haired 7-year old, but Malnik denied that claim.

Now, in an apparent grab for even more outlandish hearsay, British tabloid The Sun — and others — are citing sources who claim Macaulay Culkin shot his wad for the king of pop.

Thankfully, these sources are well aware that the nonsense their spouting sounds like bullshit:

So many names have been mentioned as prospective dads, and this is probably the wackiest yet. But Jackson and Culkin were best friends. He was one of the few people Jackson really trusted and Mack never let him down. Really, Jackson idolized him - that's why he asked Mack to donate sperm. Deep down, I think he always wished Mack was his son. Creating Blanket was the next best thing.

Actually, the more we think about this, the more it's feasible that Culkin did the deed for his buddy Jackson. As the source said, they were best friends. And what's more best friendly than donating your sperm so that your pal can create the illusion that you're actually his son? Nothing, really.

Really, this must stop. Marlon Jackson came out this weekend said perhaps the most sensible thing any of the family has said since Jackson's death: "Those were Michael's kids - regardless of where they came from." Here, here! These kids are going to be messed up. That's a fact. They hardly need the media circling like vultures, questioning from whence they came. But perhaps this is simply a sad example of supply and demand.

The cable channel A&E confirmed today that it will air a reality show about the Jackson brothers. Now, before we get all cynical, consider this: the network claims it always planned air the show, which follows the gang as they try to form a band. In fact, they started shooting last January.

Yet, despite having half-a-year's worth of footage of the boys, executives claim they never got around to the messy business of, you know, setting a premiere. Because why would they? But now, two-months after Jackson's death and in the midst of the media firestorm — it was homicide!! — A&E has confirmed they're airing a series following the boys' quest to form a band.

Don't get too excited, though, because they're still discussing matters with the production company, Point 7 Entertainment. So, why even bring it up? Probably just to get in on all the post-MJ publicity action. Now, before you start wagging a self-righteous family at Jermaine, Tito and the rest, Jodi Gomes, an executive producer at Point 7, insists none of the brothers are using their late brother to reclaim the long lost spotlight:

To anybody that says the family is capitalizing on Michael's death, it will be evident in the first episode that that's not true.

No, we would never, ever even think that. Although, it's odd: Jackson's death seems to have been good for all involved. Except him.

Anyway, the fact that there's no set date for this televisual grave-robbing doesn't give us much confidence in A&E's ultimate plans. Not that we had confidence in the first place.

It seems that the cocktail of drugs that Jackson's personal doctor, Dr. Conrad Murray, gave to him on the morning he died is the cause of death. The L.A. Times lists the drugs as valium, lorazepam, midazolam, and, finally, the anesthetic propofol. "Lethal levels" of the final drug are the official cause of death.

That means that the manslaughter investigation will certainly result in Dr. Murray's arrest.

So, yes, now there's a murder trial. But it's lacking that human drama element that propels tabloid headlines: a motive. It's not like Jackson was murdered because of passion, revenge, betrayal, greed, or ambition. He was just killed by a doctor who should have known what the fuck he was doing. Incompetence is horrible—especially in a medical professional—but it's pretty boring and is now all about Conrad Murray and not Michael Jackson. Unless the police can suss out some kind of sexy motive, America will be more likely to tune into a crime procedural than CNN to watch the tale of a sad-sack fuck-up.

Still, the Jackson family has already released a statement:

The Jackson family has full confidence in the legal process, and commends the ongoing efforts of the L.A. County Coroner, the L.A. District Attorney and the L.A. Police Department.
 
The family looks forward to the day that justice can be served."

1.) Models of the Runway
It's boring…and "dumb."

I love Heidi's reaction to them.

2.) Speaking of Dumb
Who the fuck forgets the words to "God Bless America"? Especially if it's your job to remember them.

3.) Gosselin Kids Promise Not To Murder Their Mother

4.) The Insider: "Michael Jackson…A Ladies Man?"

Did they mean like this?

5.) Anal Retentive
That OCD guy from that Bravo show doesn't allow his employees to poop in the office bathrooms, and if they do, and he finds out about it, he gets revenge.

6.) Anal Retentive, Part 2
On the TLC show Truth Be Told, people with who are obsessed with their pets were profiled. This woman swears she's "not a crazy pet owner," although she does admit to—and is filmed—wiping her dogs ass after she (the dog, not the owner) shits.

I wonder if this dog sleeps in her wig.

7.) Kim Sleeps in Her Wig

What would NeNe think?

8.) Everyone Thinks Spencer Pratt Is An Idiot

9.) Steven Seagal Is Working
Is anyone else as excited about Steven Seagal's new reality show as I am?

10.) My Sentiments, Exactly

We already know Murray injected the anesthetic that killed the king of pop, but now Fox News has law enforcement sources saying that Murray is headed for the jailhouse. See, they're reporting on this shit already!

Nothing is good for ratings like good trial, and with all the kookery that went down inside the Jackson inner circle, this one is bound to be a doozy. The timing of the arrest is just subject to one final search warrant being executed next week at an L.A. pharmacy. It's still not clear whether creepy Conrad, who issued a YouTube video statement yesterday, will be allowed to surrender himself in L.A. or if he will be arrested in Houston where he is staying. Segment producers at CNN, MSNBC, and FoxNews all hope that wherever they track him down that he flees in a white Bronco down the highway. So do Marsha Clark, Kato Kaelin and Star Jones, who have nothing better to do than be paid commentators.

Dermatologist Klein—who some say is the father of MJ's children, and who tried to insinuate himself into their custody hearing—should also get ready for finger printing. The investigation into his specific role in Jackson's death is still ongoing, but we can expect to see him hauled to the clink in the next two weeks. And if he's already made all these fireworks surrounding the custody trial, just wait until he gets on the stand. It's going to be better than Phil Spector's wig trying on a black leather glove and screaming, "You can't handle the truth!"

In a one minute statement posted to the "Houstoncriminallaw" YouTube page, Murray said the following:

I want to thank all of my patients and friends who have sent such kind emails, letters and messages to let me know of your support and prayers for me and my family. Because of all that is going on, I am afraid to return phone calls or use my email. Therefore, I recorded this video to let all of you know that I have been receiving your messages. I have not been able to thank you personally, which as you know, is not normal for me. Your messages give me strength and courage and keep me going. They mean the world to me. Please don't worry — as long as I keep God in my heart and you in my life, I will be fine. I have done all I can do. I told the truth and I have faith that the truth will prevail. God bless you and thank you.