Joan Rivers on Tom Hanks, Ricky Gervais, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus: 'Nazis'

Kyle Buchanan — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 18:30:00 EDT

Bounced from E!, the TV Guide Channel, and even Stylelist.com, times have been tough for red carpet commentators Joan and Melissa Rivers. For this week's Emmy ceremony, the two were reduced to vlogging for MyHollywood.com, though the deal came with one potential upside: their patter was supposed to receive a link from AOL. However, higher-ups at AOL changed their minds when they got a gander at the footage where Rivers calls some of Hollywood's most beloved stars (including Tom Hanks, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Heidi Klum) "Nazis." Said Rivers to Page Six:

"I was shocked that the suits at AOL have no humor . . . But that's OK. I've been gagged more times than Linda Lovelace. AOL is like Holocaust deniers. They want us to believe 6 million Jews spent World War II in Boca and Anne Frank was in an attic for two years looking for Christmas ornaments."

Joan, it's one thing to take on Russell Crowe (or even the Girl Scouts) but Forrest Gump himself? Go after Hanks, and soon enough the only place you'll be allowed to do red carpet commentary is on a Geocities page, nestled amid blinking unicorn .gifs. Video of all the relevant Rivers moments is up above — as a bonus, we've even included Joan's "Eva Longoria Porker" crack. Enjoy!

AOL GAGS RIVERS' RANTS [NY Post]

Joan and Melissa Rivers Relegated To Podcasting Their Red Carpet Barbs

Molly Friedman — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:48:53 EST

Finding themselves without a red carpet home after their deal with TV Guide Network went south, Joan and Melissa Rivers are still pressing forward with their catty Oscar fashion quips on a site called Stylelist.com. And they're not letting their Siberian spot in cyberspace stop them from dishing out their trademark red carpet digs, which span the range from who "should be locked away" (Julie Christie) to who they believe spent "hours covered in leeches to get that pale" (Anne Hathaway). But that's not the half of it. After the jump, find out who Joan thinks looks like they were "gift-wrapped at Macy's" and who "ain't gonna score tonight."

Among Joan's finest gems from this podcast:
- "I forgive Katherine Heigl for being so boring on Grey's Anatomy."
- "Johnny Depp is 4'3"."
- Daniel Day Lewis's wife Rebecca Miller looks like she was "gift-wrapped at Macy's."
- "I thought we'd see Hannah's Montana."
- Jessica Alba was "dressed like Barney."
- Nicole Kidman has had so much botox (ahem, Joan?) that she's "hired a young Guatemalan woman to smile for her."
- Viggo Mortensen looks like a "homeless man who walked in by mistake."
- Ellen Page: "Unlike her character in Juno, she ain't gonna score tonight."
- John Travolta "is a chia pet."

And finally, she reserved her harshest criticism for Oscar winner Diablo Cody: "[she] looks like a walking ad for a battered women's shelter."

JOAN & MELISSA RIVERS' OSCAR 2008 RED CARPET RUNDOWN [Stylelist.com]

Gawker: defamer, melissa rivers

Joan Rivers on Tom Hanks, Ricky Gervais, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus: 'Nazis'

Joan and Melissa Rivers Relegated To Podcasting Their Red Carpet Barbs