THR's James Hibberd alerted readers this afternoon to A&E's forthcoming Paranormal Cops, a sort of down-downmarket variation on Ghost Hunters in which the spirit-chasing subjects are not the usual plumbers or students but rather men and women entrusted by day with guns, badges and other reinforcements of social order. "Paranormal Cops is the perfect marriage of A&E’s successful crime and justice genre with our blossoming paranormal programming that documents real-life accounts of bona fide paranormal investigators," rambled Robert Sharenow, the network's nonfiction chief who actually allowed reporters to attribute this endorsement to him.

Speaking of perfect marriages, you probably won't have one with Osbourne scratch post Megan Hauserman, who after a month is still looking for wealthy men to buy her, ahem, hand in her next reality atrocity, Trophy Wife. Come one, come all, you Los Angeles and Las Vegas Craigslisters — all this can be yours:

Looking for the ultimate Trophy Wife? Reality TV Star and Playboy Cybergirl Megan Hauserman is looking for a man who will shower her with love and money.

If you are a single man with the net worth of $1,000,000 or more, then Megan would love to meet you. Whether you are a CEO or a TRUST FUND BABY, she would make the perfect arm candy for any man...who can afford her!

This calls for a compromise: Paranormal Ponce, an A&E series chronicling the lives of five upscale pimps who, having failed in their search for Hauserman's ideal man, instead channel the ghosts of dead suitors with the horniest, most credulous male heirs. The matchmaker gets 20 percent and an option on the second season or the post-divorce revival, whichever comes first. Now that is a hit. And, if we get Sharenow on it, probably inevitable. Can't. Wait.

• A&E reality show has cops chasing ghosts [The Live Feed]

• VH1 Trophy Wife
  [GotCast]

In the series, Osbourne aims to reform the Rock of Love rejects whose attitudes, drawn-on eyebrows and hastily purchased breast implants could use a little mentoring. However, Osbourne's somewhat less-than-polite expulsion of Hauserman in episode four ("Yeah, you changed your clothes today, but Megan, in here you're still a bitch... a real fucking bitch") engendered hard feelings between the two that lasted until the reunion show, where a simple, drunken anecdote about Hauserman's spayed Chihuahua led to a massive battle royale. Still, even though Osbourne appeared to instigate and escalate the fight, audience sentiment stayed on her side; we're only sorry that VH1 cut away before the other, Hauserman-hating Charm School contestants could climb atop their desks in wobbly six-inch heels, crying, "O Captain! My Captain!"

• Rock of Love Charm School Reunion: Act 3 [MTV]