If you're wondering "Why on earth is she going on The Today Show, out of the blue, with apparently no show business to promote, to announce this?" you're not alone, but it turns out Meredith was drawn out of her private life by tabloids who threatened to reveal her "secret," and decided to own the story herself. After three failed marriages, she realized seven years ago that she was a lesbian; she told her kids and friends, and was living openly with her partner, Nancy, without feeling any need to announce it publicly until the tabloid situation arose. So basically, it's really no big deal. But Meredith did say that she hopes that people who remember her from her Family Ties days (aww!) will think of her when issues of gay rights and social equality come up, and have a more open mind. In a week full of scandals and famewhores, Meredith's lack of sensationalism and matter-of-factness is refreshing. Below is the segment in its entirety (don't miss the weird part where Matt asks her if she had a "B-movie moment" in which she ran to the mirror screaming "I'm gay! I'm gay").

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There is an implication of nudiness in the trailer, but it seems to be only suggested or deftly covered-up. Lauer even cops to the fact that there's an obscuring washcloth involved. (This IMDB thread seems to confirm it's only partial.)

So why is Matt all tittery? Either he's just having an early morning chuckle because it's a rainy Tuesday and why the hell not, or Matt Lauer is very easily aroused. The mere suggestion of Bullock bits gets him red-faced and awkward. Has a longstanding celeb crush just been revealed?

How else to explain Cruise wandering into the shot two hours before his scheduled interview to unsettle Lauer and Meredith Vieira? As his offscreen underlings attempted to muster a "Great idea, Tom!", Cruise awkwardly interrupted the hosts' top-of-the-show news reading, prompting Vieira to ask him what he knew about Bush. The loaded question caused Cruise to flash back to an uncomfortable 1987 query from Mimi Rogers until Vieira helpfully added, "The President?" Later, Cruise would actually sit down for his Lauer tete-a-tete, a weirdly downbeat affair that saw Cruise virtually unable to complete a thought without a groggy digression. Glib? More like glub. Clip above.

• Today [NBC]

Cruise showed up to the roast, and they just hugged it out — literally!

A Photoshopped montage of fake Lauer/Cruise buddy pics followed their embrace. Cruise joked that he and Lauer actually speak 3-4 times a day, and that Lauer gave him some great advice: "Hey Top Gun — you think when people come on my show, they don't want to hear about dopy movies?"

In a hilarious tweak of Scientology, Cruise was cut off when Lauer's Today Show partner in crime Al Roker came on stage and joked that Cruise couldn't stay long because "the spaceship is about to leave soon."

Sadly, their weak sauce banter was no match for the acerbic Katie Couric lines that followed:

*"Wow, I haven't received as much applause since I told [my bosses at CBS] that I was considering leaving."

"How cool was it that Tom Cruise came? Matt, don't worry about that interview. Tom wanted to be the only man in the room who people thought was gay."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Katie, for a Suppressive Person, you sure can manage some zingers! Just don't be surprised when you get the obligatory letter from Bert Fields, and remember: you, too, can be kneecapped.

• Live from the Matt Lauer Friars Club Roast, Hosted by Goumba Johnny! [KTU]

After lifting our jaw off the ground upon hearing Roker's response to the Griffin bump and grind ("Anyone got any cigarettes?"), we had to relocate our jaw once again as Griffin swiftly switched subjects to her hosting gig and, in a well-executed non-seguitur, finally said what has needed to be said about to-be rap star Ali Lohan for quite some time now. Explaining that she was given the job due to Ali and Dina Lohan's conflicting schedules (a joke, people, relax), she went ahead and launched our inner monologue right out into America's eardrums: "Yeah, Ali was busy doing her hip hop CD, because, you know, she’s white and 14 and lives on Long Island, so hip hop speaks to her." Oh Kathy. What was Woz thinking?

• THE TODAY SHOW [NBC]