Michael, Jane, Syndey, and Jo (played by Thomas Calabro, Josie Bissett, Laura Leighton, and Daphne Zuniga, respectively) are all signed on for multiple episodes of the new season. But if Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and cohorts can't carry this thing, producers are going to have to turn to turn on the nostalgia and bring back some of the most-ludicrous apartment complex's former residents. Here's some all-stars who will probably get the call sooner than later.

Heather Locklear
Melrose Character: Amanda Woodward
Character's Fate: Disappeared after faking her death.
Post-Melrose Career: The failed drama LAX followed by a public divorce, breakdown, and dating David Spade.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Big money, if she does, but if she's trying to craft another vehicle, this could work against her. Plus, she probably already turned it down.
Verdict: Not likely, but still necessary.

Marcia Cross
Melrose Character: Kimberly Shaw
Character's Fate: Died of cancer.
Post-Melrose Career: Hit paydirt playing Bree on Desperate Housewives.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Ok, aside from being the show's archetypal villain, it would be ratings gold. But Cross probably wants to put her wig-pulling past behind her.
Verdict: Never gonna happen.

Doug Savant
Melrose Character: Matt Fielding
Character's Fate: Died in a car accident.
Post-Melrose Career: Hanging out with Marcia Cross on the set of Desperate Housewives.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Is married to Laura Leighton, so she might talk him into coming back. Plus, isn't it about time he got to kiss a guy on screen?
Verdict: Possible.

Courtney Thorne=Smith
Melrose Character: Alison Parker
Character's Fate: Moved to Atlanta, which is even worse than that time she went blind.
Post-Melrose Career: Spent a few seasons on Ally McBeal and an eternity on According to Jim.
Reasons For/Against Returning: She's been on three hit shows, she doesn't need the money. But, her character is still "alive" and she's not doing anything better. We have a feeling that Courtney would think this is a lark.
Verdict: Not unlikely.

Rob Estes
Melrose Character: Kyle McBride
Character's Fate: Still living in Melrose Place.
Post-Melrose Career: Now stars on 90210 an hour before Melrose on The CW.
Reasons For/Against Returning: His wife ex, Josie Bissett is on the show, and can he play two characters two hours apart?
Verdict: He can't. It would rip a hole in the time-CW continuum.

Grant Show
Melrose Character: Jake Hanson
Character's Fate: Moved to Ojai to be with his son.
Post-Melrose Career: A good turn on last summer's ill-fated Swingtown.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Unemployment, and showing that his body is still killer.
Verdict: Wait for sweeps.

Jack Wagner
Melrose Character: Dr. Peter Burns
Character's Fate: Faked his death with Amanda and ran off to a tropical island.
Post-Melrose Career: A stint on The Bold and the Beautiful and, um, celebrity golf tournaments.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Do we want him back?
Verdict: Unfortunately, probably a yes.

Kelly Rutherford
Melrose Character: Megan Lewis
Character's Fate: Living happily ever after outside of Melrose Place.
Post-Melrose Career: Bad mommy Lily on Gossip Girl.
Reasons For/Against Returning: She said she'd do it for a lot of money, and it could have cross over potential. Maybe Lily's gay son Eric should move into Melrose Place, and Rutherford can return to the show playing a different role.
Verdict: Never mind, that would also tear a rift in the time-CW continuum.

Kristen Davis
Melrose Character: Brooke Armstrong
Character's Fate: Drowned in the pool.
Post-Melrose Career: Are you a Charlotte? Well, Brooke is.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Please. She's a fancy movie star now. She doesn't need this crap.
Verdict: About as likely as Carrie Bradshaw shopping at Macy's.

Alyssa Milano
Melrose Character: Jennifer Mancini
Character's Fate: Moved to New Jersey with Billy (Andrew Shue).
Post-Melrose Career: Charmed and the first lady of Major League Baseball.
Reasons For/Against Returning: Boredom. Plus, her character's brother, Michael, is back. Why not have Jen come by for a quick visit?
Verdict: Give it a season or two.

This installment's sightings include Kim Kardashian, Kiefer Sutherland, Pierce Brosnan, Farrah Fawcett, Marilyn Manson, Ari Emanuel, Marcia Cross, Isla Fisher, Jon Hamm, Larry Flynt, Chris Robinson, Peter Graves, Shenae Grimes, Dustin Milligan, Lisa Rinna, Bill Walton, William Baldwin, Chynna Phillips, Linda Evans, Gunnar Nelson (!) and more.

THURSDAY, SEPT. 4

· Walking through the hallways of a building deep in the heart of Toluca Lake is FARRAH FAWCETT. Farrah raised her head to look me in the eye with a a look that said, "Yes I am Farrah Fawcett and don't talk to me." Farrah had heavy duty perfume situation going on that wafted in the hallway well after she left the building. Christie Brinkley is about the same age as her but Farrah looks like she has been through the ringer and had a rough, rough, hard-drinking, hard-partying, heavy-tanning life. Use sunscreen kids. Use sunscreen.

· Tuesday night's Bob Dylan concert at the Santa Monica Civic was ripe with celebrities, and I do mean ripe. NBA legend and Laker dad BILL WALTON couldn't get a reserved seat, he actually got tossed out of his first one that he just bogarted and was forced to stand against the wall, until someone recognized him and gave him a different reserved seat. Fellow Irishmen COLM MEANEY and PIERCE BROSNAN were spotted separately briefly. Anything but standing room only for TV's and former funnyman RICHARD LEWIS. And finally, one of the NELSON BROTHERS, most likely GUNNAR.

· I don't know if this counts, but I was having lunch at Porta Via and I spotted SWEET P (Project Runway, season 4) and a friend (boy? husband?). She walked by my table and was stunned when I called her name and that someone recognized her. She is sweet in person. I then had to explain Project Runway to my visiting co-worker from London. He remains confused.

SATURDAY, SEPT. 6

· Air Canada flight 744 from LAX to Toronto ... A very laid back and un-made-up MARILYN MANSON (or "Mr. Warner" to the attendants) and Endeavor's ARI EMANUEL (in gym shorts and crocs) in business class, film festival-bound.

SUNDAY, SEPT. 7

· Sunday afternoon, Silverlake - walked straight past KIEFER SUTHERLAND and a blonde woman in the Vons supermarket parking lot on Sunset / Hollywood / Virgil / Hillhurst / Sunset Drive. He was carrying the shopping bags (like a gentleman), no doubt stocking up on Haagen-Dazs to watch Britney's big comeback at the VMAs that night. More importantly, what is up with that K-hole of a junction?

· ISLA FISHER and baby OLIVE were at the Grove on Sunday between 3:30 and 4:30. Isla was wearing an orange, off the shoulder, embroidered hippie-ish cotton dress (the type popular at Anthropology last year), and little Olive was wearing a mini version of the same thing in white. Her hair was in a loose braid. I saw her first walking through Anthropology (she was disappointed her hippie dresses went out of style) and then later walking into Nordstrom. I was not stalking her; she was stalking me. I am worried Isla does not has any friends in LA— what celebrity goes shopping by herself (babies don't count), at The Grove, on a Sunday? Don't judge me for being at the Grove; sometimes you just wind up there. I'm hopeful she'll have a new posse following her around after her new movie comes out. Either way, she has Sacha Baron Cohen.

MONDAY, SEPT. 8

· I was walking my dog when I noticed Topanga from Boy Meets World (DANIELLE FISHEL) at Callender's Grill on Wilshire. She was sitting outside on the patio and in deep discussion with an older woman I didn't recognize. She had on really heavy eyeliner!

TUESDAY, SEPT. 9

· Oh poor LARRY FLYNT the Porn King. Saw him at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills. Sweaty, quite icky looking and dazed. That's all I've got to say about that.

· St. Louis to LAX Tuesday morning, JON HAMM was in first class. We talked to him at baggage claim, and he was ridiculously nice. The man is also really ridiculously good looking. I can't believe Sterling Cooper allows its employees to fly the friendly skies with American Airlines.

WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 10

· Montecito, the lush, obscenely wealthly Santa Barbara enclave is a great little getaway, especially if you go off season as to avoid the onslaught of Hollywood- from Oprah to Cameron Diaz. (I just shuddered.) Ordering a late breakfast at Xanadu when I saw that 2 feet away, WILLIAM BALDWIN and wife CHYNNA PHILLIPS are at a table waiting for their grub. Did not even recognize her. She looked beat- a skeletor-long raggedy hair, in a floor length white totally weird Hare Krishna getup.

Not until Billy opened his sexy mouth to call her back inside to eat did I inwardly sigh upon hearing that famous Baldwin voice. Oh that dulcet, mellifluous voice! He looks good. My husband said "Has he done anything since Backdraft? ... Chynna was screeching into her cell; so obnoxious, looking for attention of which she got none, and finally for those of us eating outside, she succumbed to that Baldwin Brother siren-call and went back to her table. Yes sir, that is one good looking guy with a voice that makes my knees buckle. Yum Yum Yummy. Not the omelet, the Baldwin.

THURSDAY, SEPT. 11

· One for the ages, PETER GRAVES, looking great for 82, in business class on my flight today from JFK to LAX. Like a dork, I smiled and said “Hi” as I trudged back to coach with the masses. I saw him doing a morning show yesterday (they all blend), some sort of “reunion” with Robert Hayes et. al, and there he was, on my airplane, on September 11th, making me feel better about flying.

· MARCIA CROSS, one of TV's Desperate Housewives is sitting with me in AA ECONOMY from STL to LAX right now! How continental.

SUNDAY, SEPT. 14

· Saw that guy who plays Ethan (DUSTIN MILLIGAN) and that girl who plays Silver (JESSICA STROUP) on the new version of 90210 having lunch together at Mani's on Fairfax. In this case, lunch meaning that he was eating while she watched.

· The place: The Rose Bowl Flea Market. I'd always heard that lots of celebs frequented this, but in almost two years of faithful attendance, I'd never actually seen one. ... But today, I saw CHRIS ROBINSON of the Black Crowes (and ex-Kate Hudson husband), who appeared to be accompanied by a very comely lass. And that's the difference between a rock star and me (an accountant): Chris Robinson gets willowy, hot chicks, and i get girls who look like Chris Robinson. Conclusion: I have taken a severely wrong career path and am in the wrong profession. That is all.

MONDAY, SEPT. 15

· Saw the new Brenda (SHENAE GRIMES) and Naomi (ANNALYNNE MCCORD, who incidentally makes me ache for Tori's acting chops) last night at the Belmont. New Brenda is as shockingly adorable in person as on TV but was completely sans trademark smile and actually appeared pouty and pissed at times. She and the even-less-beautiful-in-person Naomi (the new Emily Valentine?), who has overgelled 90's hair and is clearly skinnier than her own body type would prefer, were feverishly chain smoking. They were also HARDcore flirting with their waiter, the only guy there more interested in them than the cowboys and eagles. Between packs of cigarettes the girls were, yep, drinking. I'll save you the trouble of looking it up: New Brenda's only 18. Oooooo! I hope new Jim and Aunt Becky don't find out, new 90210 is boring enough without old 90210's lesson-learned moralizing.

TUESDAY, SEPT. 16

· So about an hour ago, 3:15 or so Wednesday afternoon, I'm going for a run along Beverly Blvd. I'm just E of Fairfax on the S side of the street when there's a pretty bad car wreck right in front of me. A westbound car turned left into the CBS gate, and a small car was gunning it eastbound in the lane closest to the sidewalk and didn't see them.

So the security guard goes to one car, I tell another car to call 911. No one is critically hurt, but we help the guy who's bleeding pretty bad onto the sidewalk. I go out into the street to stand there and let people know they have to get over cuz one of the mangled cars is sitting in the middle of the intersection.

After 5-10 minutes, I see a tow truck and a fire truck coming our way from around Fairfax, but traffic is now pretty jacked so it's slow. The tow truck is all set to come down the emergency lane when this giant black tinted Escalade looking thing cuts in front of it to pass the stalled traffic. Keep in mind the tow truck has flashers on. As the Escalade gets closer, I'm waving my hands to tell it to get over, but it won't. Then I notice the chick driving is on her cell, holding it up to her ear. I walk up to her car now, hit the passenger side door and say "get over - there's a tow truck and a fire truck behind you - there's been a bad accident."

At this point, she rolls down the window to reveal her KIM KARDASHIAN self [...] who tells me "Don't you touch my car." I thought, "Are you fucking kidding me?! there's a guy on the sidewalk with his head bleeding." I then screamed at her "Are you fucking kidding me?! There's a guy on the sidewalk with his head bleeding!!" to which she responds "I know, but don't touch my car." She finally merges into the other lane and jams it through the yellow light to make the intersection.

She said "I know?" I KNOW that I'm holding up rescue in my tinted-ass Escalade looking thing and on my cell, but the only thing I care about is not to hit my car.

I hate humanity.

WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 17

· Saw LINDA EVANS at the Intercontinental bar last night. Fortunately she left before I had my third martini — otherwise I would've hummed the Dynasty theme to her.

TODAY

· LISA RINNA working out at Fitness Factory with her trainer. Her face looked like the clay pot in the movie Ghost after Patrick Swayze fucked it up.

As the Times notes, Hatcher "has both confirmed and denied" having work done, but the image at left of Hatcher in 1991's Soapdish shows a smoother, plumper visage. And Carrie Fisher's triumphant and hilarious guest appearance on 30 Rock last year was tarnished only because "you had to hit the rewind button a few times to make sure it was her."

As much as we adore Barbara Walters til death does us part, it's hard to ignore her incapability to express more than one stoic expression on The View these days. And Melanie Griffith's less-than-stellar career of late hasn't been helped by what the Times refers to as "much-speculated-upon changes to [her] visage."

And then there are the two wild cards. As easy as it seems to label Priscilla and Marcia Cross as Botox users, we can't help but notice how similar they look to their decade(s)-old versions. Maybe we're going out on a limb, but is it possible that these two were simply born with sky-high eyebrow arches and remarkable cheekbones? As they say, maybe she's born with it.

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage]

• ON TV: BOTOX. FACE-LIFTS. RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY. [LAT]

Among the most deserving members of the group are, in no particular order:

Jim Halpert on The Office: because laughter is everything. Plus, he's tall.
Ned on Pushing Daisies: Tall, too! And he makes pies. While wearing an apron. With perfect hair and dreamy eyes and that tall, lean frame...let's just say we'd forgive him if he accidentally killed us.
Amanda Tanen on Ugly Betty: If we swung that way, this would be our girl (free clothes!), and from our imagined male point of view, well, same thing: free suits!
Michael and George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development: Best. Threesome. Fantasy. Ever. And afterwards, Michael Cera might bake you cookies, while Jason Bateman played you his favorite records!
Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks: Sure, not Swimsuit Issue-worthy (at least back then, but these days in ER, yum), but in a way, Lindsay was the original Juno MacGuff.

And the incomprehensibles:

Jack Bauer from 24: While we genuflect thrice daily to a poster of the real-life Kiefer, we are going to have to strongly oppose the choice of Jack Bauer. Are we the only ones who happened to catch the fact that his wife was tortured, raped and killed? Yeah, dreamboat for sure.
Jack Shephard from Lost: Yes, Matthew Fox is a fox, there is no doubt. And yes, he's a doctor, and sure, he may have saved, oh, a trillion or so lives. But he's got daddy issues, and we're not into being bossed around, even if it means saving the world (or whatever the fuck they're trying to save this season).
Dylan McKay from Beverly Hills: 90210: Again, hot. But as much as Brenda Walsh infuriated us with her teeth and her moody/wannabe actress/princess-y tendencies, we'd have dumped the too-cool-for-school druggie just on the basis of Squint Addiction.
Summer Roberts from The OC: We've been known to act a little high-maintenance from time to time, but this Cali girl took the term to new heights of offensiveness. Plus, she kinda strikes us as one of those high-school girls who'd pretty much just lay there and blab on her cell while you're pumping away.
Bree Van De Camp from Desperate Housewives: Seriously? Of all the (admittedly impossible-to-choose-from) old frumps on this old frump of a show, EW readers want the shrill ice queen in their sack? Thin lips + bony legs = thanks but no thanks.

And finally, the most crucial void on the list, the most adorable, dateable, loveable visage ever to cross our screens, was inexcusably uninvited to join the list of Effables: Bret from Flight of the Conchords. We don't know about you, but every episode has been permanently saved on our DVR and played repeatedly, from noon to night, to the dismay of our roommate. We'll let you tell us who the EW readers scathingly excluded from the list in the comments!

• READER PICKS: TV CHARACTERS YOU'D DATE [EW]

(The NSFW link is here.) The shots, much as Schmidt described back when the couple was trying to legally block him from brokering them back in Oct. '06, depict Cross emerging from an outdoor shower, completely au naturelle in every sense of the word, and looking not particularly thrilled to be having her picture taken. Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to head out in search of a loofah, a bar of Lava soap, and the closest outdoor shower.

• Special footage of Desperate Housewives's Marcia Cross (NSFW) [bedtimeforbeavis.com via ONTD]

In today's episode David and Victoria Beckham; Dustin Hoffman, James L. Brooks, and Amanda Peet; Keannu Reeves and Claire Forlani; Britney Spears; Julian McMahon and Adam Levine; Seth Rogen; Jason Schwartzman; Jason Lee; Derek Fisher; Richard Chamberlain; Andy Richter; Marcia Cross; Jason Biggs; Sandra Oh; Ron Jeremy; Chris Noth; Kenneth "Babyface" Edmunds, Tom Arnold, Dax Shepherd, Josh Randall; and Shirley Manson.

· Front & Center (Thurs 7/12) at the waaayyy warped "freedom of the press" on display as David & Victoria Beckham arrived via British Airways to the third world enclave that is the Arrivals Hall at Tom Bradley International Terminal (Terminal B) LAX. She - surprisingly demure and cordial / He - surprisingly SKINNY, but yeah a nice looking couple with 3 kids...however, WHAT is their allure? Very strange...considering our soccer stadium is in Carson , CA ...Compton adjacent...?? and they are "famous" because of his soccer playing...?? Mummy & Daddy were prepped and escorted out a side exit, whereby the children could exit the front doors to their waiting vehicles without the glare of the PIGNORANT PAPARAZZI!! (I mean there are COFFINS coming into airports back east carrying REAL HEROES...and the paps / press salivate over a "Victoria Beckham" or a "Paris Hilton". Strange. Very strange.)

· Thursday Night 7/12: Osteria Mozza:
Investor Dinner:
-Amanda Peet w/ husband & asst. friends.
Dustin Hoffman w/ his kids.
-Producer/Director James L. Brooks.
All there for the 8:30 PM seating & FREE Dinner , incl. wine, before
they opened to the public on Friday.
All looked happy & ate alot (of free food & wine)!

· Saturday July 14, Arclight Theaters. We wre there for a 5:10 showing of Transformers. Definitely not there for a 5:10 showing of Transformers, Claire Forlani and Keanu Reeves. I actually only saw Claire Forlani who is gorgeous and skinny but not scary skinny. When I don't have my glasses on people's faces are blurry so I tend to stare if I think I recognize someone, so I was staring at her and quickly looked away when I realized I only knew her because she was famous. Thus I did not see Keanu, but my sister told me after that is who she was with.—Says sister, "He looks really good...really, really good."

· Fri 7/14 - Ritual
Got a tip from a friend that Britney Spears was there and sure enough . . . I wandered over to the VIP area in time to see a couple huge security guys escort her straight to the back bathroom. No sighting of the new tiny dog.

Sat 7/15 - Roosevelt Hotel Pool
Julian McMahon (Nip/Tuck) walked through the pool area in a suit looking way good.
Later, Adam Levine - SO skinny - came through with a few people. He has a little flock of seagulls haircut but otherwise cute.

· 7-15-07, around 3:45PM Insomnia coffeehouse on Beverly. As a dozen or so of us wanna-be screenwriters spend a beautiful Sunday afternoon plunked in front of our laptops, Seth Rogen and his girlfriend wander in. No one seems to take any notice. Seth was wearing sunglasses, dressed like every other semi-chubby hipster guy in L.A.. His girlfriend was cute in a non-actressy way. I wasn't 100% sure it was him until I heard his distinctive Canuck voice. He and his girl got their drinks then skedaddled out before anyone could pitch him their scripts. Once he was gone, everyone whispered to each other verifying that we'd all just been in the presence of Apatow's Annoited One.

· 7-15 In line at the Egyptian for a documentary on Harry Nilsson, as part of their Mods and Rockers series, I saw Jason Schwartzman, picking up his tickets right next to me. He was looking good, with his usual 7-day stubble. I really had no idea he was that short, though. Had a perfectly cute, but average looking girl with him.

· Monday jul 16th — Jason Lee decked out in "My Name is Earl" plaid-ness yet again. He was with a small group of friends..didn't recognize any of the others. They were at Rooney's CD release party at the Roxy, checking out Jason Schwartzman's musical project Coconut Records, who opened up. (His baby brother Robert is Rooney's lead singer and was in The Princess Diaries and The Virgin Suicides). Jason (Lee) and his gang were very amused when Jason (Schwartzman) sang a song with just an iPod and requested that the venue turn off all the lights so he could dance with a flashlight. It was pretty damn awesome.

· I saw ex-now-future Laker Derek Fisher at Saks in Beverly Hills today (7/13). I almost pooped myself. I mean, D. Fish, Mr. .04 himself was at the counter buying some ties. I even think one was in Purple and Gold. Bonus, I got a Dolce & Gabbana suit half off! I still think Kobe is going to leave...

· 7/14 & 7/15 - I don't know if you kids will appreciate this but... I saw Richard Chamberlain (Dr. Kildare, Thorn Birds, Nip/Tuck and he was the original Jason Bourne!) shopping for electronics at Century City on Saturday afternoon. Early Sunday morning, I spotted a solo and sans suspenders Larry King (watch him voice a bee version of himself in Bee Movie this fall!) strolling down Rodeo and heading into his fave place to nosh - Nate 'n Al's.

· While dining at delightful eastside bistro Blair's (7-16), caught a flash of Andy Richter, star of tragically short lived shows Andy Richter Controls the Universe and Andy Barker, PI, entering the "new" dining room. He was by me so quickly that I couldn't see what he was wearing or who he was with, but I would know that former Conan sidekick anywhere. I did not at any time consider shouting a quote from one of his sitcoms at him as he passed, as is the custom of my fellow privacywatchers.

· I saw Marcia Cross shopping in the Pacific Palasades July 12. I wish I could tell you which store, but I only remember that it was overpriced and the sales ladies gave me dirty looks as I touched their wares with my jam hands.

· @ Beverly Hills Benihana on 7/16 for a cooking show with the same 5 tricks for the last 30 years. Spotted Rebecca De Mornay with a bunch of children. She seemed out of it (exactly like I am after John From Cincinnati), She was nursing a couple of martinis and correcting her children's posture. She didn't seem to mind when her kids disappeared for 10 minutes while she toyed with her cellphone.

· Jason Biggs at All'Angelo on Melrose tonight (Sat. 7/14) with three people. Six or seven years ago the would've been an, er, bigger sighting than it is now, unless he's had some major recent career achievements I've missed out on.

· Tuesday, July 10 (a bit late, sorry): Saw Ron Jeremy with a much younger, dark-haired female companion at the Hollywood Bowl. Was a bit surprised, as it was classical music night, but I guess he likes Tchaikovsky, too.

Saturday, July 14: Saw Sandra Oh and assorted friends (and probable boyfriend) at the Hotel Cafe. She is very tiny in person — I am 5' 4" and was towering over her as she brushed past me.

· On Wednesday night I was drinking a Corona at the Cheetah, trying to estimate how many outfits each of the girls had, when suddenly, the sky parted angels sang hymns, and a hedgehog walked in. Yes, Ron Jeremy himself walked in. The giant sucking sound was the sound of every girl in the place running to meet him. I had hoped he was there to guest star in a floor show but it wasn't to be. Oh well. Mercedes was good for two songs.

· I had a "this dude looks way too much like Chris Noth not to be Chris Noth" sighting at the Peets at Sunset and Larabee today (7-16). I do have to say that the man is looking pretty good for his 50-some-odd years. He should definitely keep the beard.

· Saturday night, July 14th @ Arclight: Producer extraordinaire Kenneth "Babyface" Edmunds leaving one of the upper movie screens with his wife. Then inside the 4:45 Rescue Dawn showing, Dax Shepherd and Tom Arnold together, and Josh Randall (he was in the NBC TV show "Ed". I think he was the doctor).

· Saturday 7/14 — after 7 pm... my friend and I had just bought a ticket at the Arclight Cinemas. We walked north on Vine towards Kabuki's for a pre-movie dinner .... And right outside Borders Books, we pass 4 people heading south. I noticed the Redhead with the wild eye make-up - just as my friend said "Thats Shirley Manson of Garbage". I did not see where she had been or where she was going. Last I saw her and the three people she was with, they were crossing Sunset Blvd.

At the end of this week, the "Housewives" production crew will take over the downstairs of Cross' west Los Angeles home for two days to shoot the last two episodes that she was planning to appear in this season, an ABC network spokesman said on Wednesday.

But with the actress now confined to her home, producers decided to bring the show to her, sending in crews to transform the lower level of her house into a stage set matching the interior of Bree's extremely tidy home.

"They are painting the walls, moving in props and furniture from the set," a source from the show told TV Guide magazine, which first reported the story. "They're basically making Marcia's house into Bree's."

There's no more welcome sight for an extremely pregnant woman who's just hoisted herself out of bed to answer her doorbell than the smiling faces of hundreds of Housewives cast and crew members, boom mics dangling and shouting, "SURPRISE!" moments before trampling their way into the foyer and demanding to know what bedrooms would make the most comfortable temporary hair and makeup trailers for Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria. Let's just hope Cross has enough time to clear away her husband's amateur erotic photography clutter in time for the unions' arrivals.

• "Housewives" to film in pregnant star's home [Reuters/TVGuide]

Phoenix-based agent David Hans Schmidt has gotten his hands on more than 200 personal photos of the titian-tressed actress.

"There are some pictures of her showering outside," Schmidt tells us. "She looks absolutely gorgeous. And yes, the carpet does match the curtains." [...]

Her lawyers argue that no matter where the photos were found, they are the copyrighted property of Cross and her husband, Tom Mahoney, who may have taken some of them. [...]

Schmidt is representing the owner of a carting firm hired to remove trash from Cross' home in L.A. According to Schmidt, one of the firm's employees discovered the photos when he got to the dump. [...]

Schmidt says his client also has Cross' tax returns. "I know how much she made, but out of respect for Ms. Cross, I won't discuss it," he says.

Although it may already be too late in this instance, Cross and Mahoney may want to invest in a paper shredder, an affordable home office device which could easily have circumvented the impending release of a 13-month calendar entitled "Delicious Housewives," featuring such titillating pin-up material as a naked Cross amateurishly Photoshopped in front of Old Glory as July's "Miss Firecrotch Firecracker," as well as April's magnified reproduction of lines 1 through 28 of her 2005 tax return.

• Naked ploy for Cross' cash [NY Daily News]

• Kidman weds Urban in intimate ceremony [USA Today]
• Marcia Cross weds Tom Mahoney [USA Today]

On my way to Kansas City [on Jan. 26th] on a Southwest flight (3:35 LAX) and who was on our plane? Marcia Cross and an agenty type. Southwest has no first class....Ms. Cross flew coach (but it is the only straight through flight to the god-forsaken flattest spot on earth). She got "special" boarding privileges, i.e., boarded first. And for the next 3 hours the entire plane traipsed back and forth to the lav in the front of the plane to sneak a peek at the Desperate Housewife.

Fast forward to today and I'm on my way home from the world's most boring meeting and of course, who is on the 1:20 flight back to LA, but Marcia and her agenty guy of course. Same scenario as yesterday except this time, as we're about to taxi out of the gate, in a scene right out of a bad Hollywood script, a fellow passenger starts hysterically screaming for help. Flight attendants start running, passengers all pop out of their seats, a very cute young doctor passenger runs back to this woman who has apparently had a seizure. But wait?! Who ELSE runs to the aid of the passenger and her freaked out companion (who is still screaming for help)? Marcia of course! She runs from the safety of her front row seat, to the back of the plane, where the chaos is unfolding. The entire plane was flummoxed. Did she USED to be a doctor? Did she play one on TV? No. It was just a very concerned celebrity, hoping to reach out and hold the hand of the companion (who by now is more hysterical than the woman who had the unexpected seizure.) Oh the big hearts of the little screen's stars. How kind of her to risk the stares to hold the hand of the sick and insane. (I mean the companion was REALLY freaked!) Eventually she made her way back to her seat — sans applause from the plane for either her OR the really cute young doctor and they got the 2 women off the plane and back to LA we came.

Obviously, our operative wasn't a Melrose Place fan, as Cross of course did play a doctor on the series, albeit a sociopathic one who probably wouldn't have rushed to the aid of a seizure victim or their panicky friend. And while we're certain her motives were entirely altruistic, we can't help but wonder if Cross' "agenty type" companion didn't perhaps have a hand in encouraging the actress' involvement, cannily thinking ahead towards securing her a sizable "as herself" role in the CBS movie reenacting the events of the ill-fated flight.

The “we’re all good friends” façade continues to crack on Wisteria Lane. As has been widely reported, Teri Hatcher failed to join her Desperate Housewives cast-mates in the Emmy Awards pressroom. And the previous night at L.A. Confidential’s party for cover girl Hatcher, Eva Longoria arrived late, and stood waiting, in full view at the end of the red carpet, until Teri had climbed into her car and driven off, before strolling in and posing for photos.

This ugliness can only—nay, it must—end in bloodshed. Our money's on Marcia Cross being the Last Housewife Standing. Something about her makes us feel like she's pretty handy with a shiv.

• Housewives' Emmy Snubs [Open All Night]
• Previously: Inside VPage: Piven Goes Rabbit Hunting [Defamer]

It will be the first marriage for both Cross and her 47-year-old fiance.

...completely innocuous.

• Marcia Cross of 'Housewives' engaged [AP]