Jasmine and Casey were besties until the latter allegedly broke into the former's apartment. There, Jasmine says, Casey masturbated in her bed, then left the used vibrator bewteen the sheets and absconded with a grand theft's worth of jewelry, clothes, and panties. Now Jasmine's speaking out about Casey's insanity—but who, you ask, is Jasmine?

• She's Trainwreck Royalty Papa was a playboy shoe magnate, Mama was a 1970s Bond girl. According to their mother, Jasmine and her sisters were named after three of their father's mistresses, "a tribute to those who didn't make it." Jasmine's parents divorced when Mom realized Dad had gambled away the family fortune, and Mom went on to fake a pregnancy and say this other lady's fiance was the daddy, which led to a nasty little lawsuit in 1995.
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• She's an Early Bloomer Jasmine started modeling at 14. By 17 she had, according to the London Evening Standard, stolen thousands of pounds from her mother to pay off menacing drug dealers, and even checked into five-star London hotels for three-day sex and drugs orgies, with bowls filled with high-grade cocaine," and once did a stint at the Priory alongside Kate Moss.
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• She's a Reality TV Villain Who Catfights Above Her Weight Class Jasmine was the "rich bitch" of Britain's Make Me a Supermodel's first season, causing supermodel host Rachel Hunter to muse aloud about wishing Lennard would get stung by a bee and die. Jasmine later got a job hosting an Make Me a Supermodel spin-off, but was fired for calling Hunter "Rachel Munter" (apparently it's a really bad word in England?) and "a fat bitch past her sell-by date who cost me winning the show" and "fat, spotty, and finished" and "I suggest she throws out the truckload of make-up she uses and hire a personal trainer."
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• She Dates Men and Women, Young and Old Paramours allegedly include Simon Cowell (while he was dating Terri Seymour), Hugh Grant, and Courtenay Semel, Casey Johnson's on-again off-again "lesbian Don Juan" heiress girlfriend, who blew the whistle on Casey's alleged crime when she recognized Jasmine's panties on Casey and sent Lennard a text message:
  

  There's a problem, Jaz, Casey Johnson just got into bed with me and she is wearing your underwear. You need to call police. There are documents here, your shoes and your clothing—you need to call the police.

  Jasmine's not gay, it's just that she is just very beautiful, and so are her friends, so sometimes it's hard to resist:

  I meet a lot of beautiful girls working in the modelling industry and I prefer to look at them rather than men, sometimes. I'm not a lesbian. ... But being with a woman is a totally different sexual experience. They're soft, with curves, boobs and sensual lips.

• She Was Friends with Casey Johnson Until Casey, Like, Fell in Love with Her Isn't it so annoying when you take a drug-addled, emotionally damaged heiress under your wing, but she totally bites the hand that's feeding her, because she is such a hungry bitch and does not have as much self control with food as I do, because, gawd, I'm awesome:
  

  Since the day I met Casey, I have only been a good force in her life. ... I tried to get her off drugs and alcohol. ... I've given her money. I am the only person who helped this girl, and I believe she was obsessed with me, and thinks in her mind we had some kind of affair.

  This time she really messed with the wrong lady. I am going to teach her a lesson

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• She Enjoys Lollipops Jasmine was in Guy Richie-directed Revolver, where she shows her panties and satiates an oral fixation in a scene interspliced with a gory shoot-out.
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While we're admittedly among a small group of reality television obsessives who fell in a twisted bit of love with this America's Next Top Model copycat, we fell even more in love with the show when co-host Tyson Beckford surprised the models by bringing Naomi to their townhouse to review their books. (See the video here.) Since we rarely get to see supermodels talk, let alone interact with other people on cable TV, we were overjoyed to see a sweet-spoken, calm-as-a-cuke Campbell displaying what appeared to be a very sophisticated and pulled-together persona without a hint of brewing anger throughout her cameo. So what happened in the last few weeks? While the answer to that question will come out in the courts, we're fairly certain we have an antidote that would soothe her savage beastliness: a nice butt massage.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

• NAOMI CAMPBELL ARRESTED AT LONDON AIRPORT [People]

That resulted in an impressive display of bush and tush (special mention to Frankie "BAM! Welcome to my body!" Godoy), the likes of which Bravo reality watchers have never seen—and thankfully so, as a Naked Quickfire Challenge on Top Chef would probably wind up with more food coming up than ultimately going down. And while our brain told us it was nothing more than gutter-level smut cleverly framed as an exercise in high art, our groin told our brains to shut the fuck up—that is, when it wasn't cursing out that strategically framed canvas for being the only thing standing between us and pure Perry's-package-peeking ecstasy.

• Make Me A Supermodel [Bravo]