We can't tell if this is some attempt at a wink-wink "Modest Proposal"-type deal, or just the rantings of a communist, but the Huffington Post apparently thinks that Stephen Gyllenhaal's poorly constructed thoughts, like Jim Carrey's views on vaccines, are worthy of our attention because he fathered two very pretty people (he's like a reverse Meghan McCain). Gyllenhaal wants Madoff freed. Why?

It's just not fair. He's a scapegoat, a distraction on the world's financial stage where the real sleight-of-hand-Ponzi-magic goes on unabated. Two trillion dollars — give me a break — you think this is the end of it? It's only the tip of the real looming Ponzi-scheme-iceberg which Bernie only mirrored on a tiny scale and that we're gonna sooner or later titanically hit.

Gyllenhaal describes himself as a poet. He is not! Here's some more metaphor mash-up craziness:

But nobody in Washington is prepared to point out the Emperor's nakedness because they're all pretty much in each other's pockets (not a pretty thought when you consider they're all naked as well) and appropriately terrified that once the imaginary silk and satin confidence game is shown up for what it is there'll be hell to pay and I suspect hell, being what it is, ain't gonna be taken in by no Ponzi scheme.

What? How can people be in one anothers' pockets? Would one person be in one pocket, which would then be inside another person's pocket? While they are naked! While we're at it—how do you titanically hit something?

Gyllenhaal's bio says he is "unqualified to write for this blog except that, as a citizen of the US —hell, as a citizen of the planet— he has as much right to speak his mind as the next person." Having a right is not the same thing as a qualification, Stephen!

Boomp3.com

At the kick off event of L.A. Spring 2009 Fashion week, Dark Knight star Maggie Gyllenhaal was put to work as a wardrobe malfunction preventive specialist. In other words, Gyllenhaal had the difficult task of checking model and their outfit to make sure there was nothing poking out or the potential to poke or pop out while on the runway. Gyllenhaal said, “Nothing ruins a good fashion show like an unnecessary dash of lady business.”

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Our favorite part of the clip as a whole? Letterman doesn't hesitate to a) request a closer look at Maggie's gorgeous legs, or b) attempt to hide his interest in what one does "for pain like that." We're, as always, impressed by Dave;s trademark method of wrapping perviness in a cute, toothy, smiley and lovable package.

• THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN [CBS]

Follow the jump for their respective two cents — mostly spoiler-free for even the most casual followers of the film, and naturally among the finest criticism available anywhere online.

STV: We should probably go into this acknowledging that the film is review-proof and completely saturated with things too interesting to spoil.
STV: That said, I just thought it was pretty good.
SA: I thought it was excellent!
STV: Yeah, yeah, fine. It's fitfully brilliant, but so heavy-handed. Did I miss something?
SA: Nope. This was the summer 2008 superhero movie for people who enjoy feeling awful, and thinking about feeling awful, and expressing what makes feeling awful so gosh darn wonderful.
STV: Iron Man this is not.
SA: It's misanthropy porn. It's also the bluest superhero movie I've ever seen, in every sense of the word.
STV: Right. From the start, too — those billowing blue flames, the Hong Kong horizons, Gotham at night.
STV: And yeah, everyone's depressed as hell.
SA: But that said, I don't think a single scene passed by that I didnt feel worked. And it was a long movie.
STV: What about the story? I was lost.
SA: The story was fine. Corrupt city government. Crime infested streets.
SA: It was sort of The Departed with bat-gadgets.
STV: But the Joker shows up wanting a piece of Teflon goombah Eric Roberts, the Russians, the blacks, and a Hong Kong money-laundering syndicate.
SA: Its the Mafia Olympics!
STV: Even if Gotham City is totally corrupt, it's the most equal-opportunity corruption in history, which I guess should be commended.
SA: Speaking of the Joker, what did you think of Heath?
STV: Heath was annoying.
STV: It's not his fault. Nolan couldn't rein him in.
SA: I was prepared for him to be annoying, but I actually really enjoyed him.
SA: I mean, its The Joker! This isn't a portrait in subtlety. You want hyena cackles!
STV: But look — and this is my problem with the whole movie: The audience is overwhelmed with moralizing.
SA: Yes, I'll agree it got bogged down in speechifying.
STV: The Joker is the default "Man, this world is fucked" mouthpiece, but his actions — just his very look — defy the monologues, the hamminess.
STV: He needs an origin story like the Burton Joker, right? Who the hell is this guy?
SA: Yeah — their not committing to his backstory was a strong choice, but I'm not sure it really helped them.
SA: But I think they were trying to say, "What does it matter where he came from?" Like, what does it matter where any psychopath comes from? He's chaos. But then you have no psychological in, so he's less interesting.
STV: Alfred the Butler touches on it: "Some people just want to watch the world burn."
SA: Yeah, but that doesn't satisfy dramatically.
STV: Even that was kind of overbearing.
SA: Nolan was reaching high with this. He obviously wanted the monologues.
STV: He's a great director, though, right? I mean, this film looks, feels, sounds amazing.
SA: That's why your quibbles don't bother me. This is his ride, and it's spectacular, and if he wants his speeches about human nature, I'll listen to them.
SA: He chose great actors to deliver them.
STV: But he's so much better at subterranean truck chases and high-altitude kidnappings. I want overturned big rigs!
SA: Well, luckily there's tons of those. And 180-degree, wall-flipping Bad Pods.
STV: And the Bat-Blobile. What was that? The Batmobile was a hulking blob of scrap on wheels.
SA: It was batass.
STV: OK, give me one-line summaries of the following actors' performances: Christian Bale.
SA: Obscene caller voice.
STV: Aaron Eckhart.
SA: Boringly delicious!
STV: Maggie Gyllenhaal.
SA: Made the most of the whiny token female.
STV: Michael Caine.
SA: Should have let him out of the fluorescent Batchamber more.
STV: He's basically a cockney Jiminy Cricket serving breakfast. How about Morgan Freeman?
SA: If God and Q had a kid.
STV: Gary Oldman.
SA: He gets swallowed up in it. He's one of the best actors ever.
STV: I think he's the best thing about it.
SA: Is he?
STV: He's a guy pulled 15 different ways, very flawed, vulnerable, and at his best when things are out of his control. He gets to work when shit hits the fan, while everyone else just sort of... talks.
SA: What did you think of Batman's voice?
STV: I didn't quite get it.
SA: Me neither. It was silly.
STV: He never closes his mouth when he talks, either! It lets all the air out of the big, portentous balloon.
STV: Is Heath Oscar-worthy?
SA: He'll definitely get a nomination.
SA: I sort of think the movie itself deserves a Best Picture nomination. It's just so ambitious and epic and so expensive-looking.
STV: This movie is going to make a fortune, right? I'm calling $140 million for the weekend plus $2 billion in damage caused by rioting fans worldwide.
STV: And I am a believer in IMAX.
SA: Oh, definitely. Those scenes were so cool.
STV: Bad format for preachy screenwriter moralizing, excellent format for hospital implosions and 10-minute chase sequences.
SA: OMG — that hospital. Yeah, I really loved this movie.
STV: It's not bad. I'll stick with Iron Man.
SA: Iron Man was fun; this was a nice compliment.
STV: The Dark Knight: Nihilism for the whole family.

“’I found myself, six months after having a baby, in my underwear, getting my picture taken.’ She says she was ‘a good 20 pounds heavier’ after Ramona's birth in 2006 — and the lingerie helped her feel sexy again...’It made me feel so good.’”

Though Maggie admittedly looks hotter than she ever has in the photos (a closer look below), her manly bareback rider brother Jake didn’t “feel so good” after seeing the 12-foot version at an airport recently...

As Us says, "She didn't realize 'how scrutinized' she'd be for showing so much skin. 'My brother called me and said, "I'm in Heathrow, and there's a 12-foot picture of you upside down in a negligee." People are really rough on you when you do things like that.'" Not only is this admission understandable, it's also very media savvy. After all, can you imagine how much shit we all would've given Jake if he admitted that his big sis looked "hot" in lingerie?

[Photo credits: Agent Provocateur]

• MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL: JAKE TEASED ME ABOUT POSING IN MY UNDIES [Us]

Gyllenhaal is being tapped to play D.A. Rachel Dawes, the love interest to Bruce Wayne/Batman (Christian Bale). In the first movie, Dawes was played Katie Holmes, who, like Gyllenhaal, is repped by CAA. But reps for Holmes said she was unable to reprise her role because of scheduling conflicts. [...]

"I'm extremely excited to work with an actress of Maggie's caliber, and she's a great addition to the cast as we continue our story," Nolan said.

As they have maintained since the beginning, Team Holmes is still clinging admirably to their "scheduling conflicts" story as the sole reason Holmes wouldn't reprise her highest-profile role to date, though we suspect the conflicts in question are of a different variety: Say, the kind that arise when a proven director, who has managed to reinvigorate a faltering studio franchise with massive profit potential, decides he might be able to work more efficiently by hiring an ingenue who comes fully equipped with an emotional range, and minus any lingering stage-spouses constantly reminding them to "speak from your diaphragm, Kate...and try to keep your mouth closed when you kiss Christian, just like you do with me!"

• Gyllenhaal steps in for 'Dark Knight' [THR]

In today's episode: Jake Gyllenhaal; Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard; Christina Ricci; Selma Blair, Allison Janney, Kristin Minter; Billy Zane; Paula Abdul; Snoop Dogg; Christian Slater; Jimmy Fallon; Seth MacFarlane; Tyson Beckford; Eric Dane, Matthew Rhys and Dave Annable; Cisco Adler and Justin Chambers; Mike Tyson and Russell Simmons; Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz and Danny Masterson; Rachel Bilson; Mr. T; Kevin Connelly; Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley; Scott Weiland; Jena Malone; David Denman; Mark-Paul Gosselaar; Greg Grunberg; Sally Struthers; Drew Brees; Wallace Langham; Ruth Williamson and Nic Harcourt.

· thursday night, feb 8: Jake Gyllenhaal @ the pinkberry on melrose. was with the standard blonde hottie that seem to inhabit the place.

· 2/11 - Saw Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard with new baby Ramona in tow at the Rose Bowl Flea Market. They were every bit the cool, calm, collected hipster couple you'd expect them to be. They blended in with the crowd - but oooozzzed an air of coolness that permeated over the Rose Bowl. Love them.

2/12 - Billy Zane at Sweet Lady Jane with a women. They rolled up in a Merecedes-Benz rented from Enterprise. Billy looked a little on the skinny side - maybe he wanted to bulk up with some delicious baked goods.

· An absolutely smashing Christina Ricci in full formal red-carpet garb in the lobby of the Century Plaza Hotel about 2p Sunday (before presenting at the Grammys).

Celeb sightings at the WGA Awards at same location: Selma Blair (blond dye job ages her), Allison Janney (tall, striking) and Kristin Minter, who was desk clerk Randi on ER for a while (looks like a cross between Rena Sofer + Debi Mazar).

· 2/7 Saw Paula Abdul, wearing a white blouse, jeans and cute brown boots, and ex, Dante Spencer at Book Soup. Who knew she could read, guess its true you can't judge a book by its cover. She was holding a hard back— Suite Franc...(couldn't see the rest) he was still browsing. That boy has hotness written all over him. Date or casual meeting, I don't know but let's give a hand clap for geek love.

· Century City Twin Towers- Stood behind Snoop Dogg + 2 homies on the escalator on the way down to the sub-parking lots. Might be meeting with lawyers (re: pot bust at Burbank Airport) in my building, or agents in the new CAA building

· 2/10- I saw Christian Slater on Sunday afternoon with a couple kids (guess they were his) outside the Brent-Air pharmacy. Looked like a normal guy out with his kids on a Sunday afternoon...that is if your family normally travels in a town car with a driver standing at attention outside the car waiting.

· Friday Feb 9. Saw Jimmy Fallon walking down Wilshire at Beverly Dr around 11. Possibly coming out from a meeting at Imagine or maybe The Firm? Either way he looked very rumpled and like he hadn't showered for the (or any) occasion in quite a while.

· Two random sightings in same vicinity:

2-10, around 6 p.m. Glass-ceiling shattering black male supermodel Tyson Beckford, hanging out on the sidewalk outside what seemed to be his friends' little clothing store on Melrose and Martel. Looking as hot as ever, he joked with some kid with a basketball walking by that he wanted to take him on.

2-11, around 11-midnite: Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane, flanked for most of the night by two hot-tish chicks, sitting in the corner of The Village Idiot. Or as Peter Griffin would say: "In fact, this reminds of the time the guy who does my voice had two hot chicks on either side of him at The Village Idiot..."

· Caught Ringside at the Roxy last night (2/8) and since Balthazar Getty is in the band, a few celeb sightings are usually in order. Last night didn't disappoint as Balt's "Feast" co-star Eric Dane (aka McSteamy) and "Brothers & Sisters" co-stars Matthew Rhys and Dave Annable were all in attendance. All seemed to be incredibly laid back and although Matthew and Dave didn't get much attention, Eric graciously posed for pictures with many an adoring fangirl. Did I mention the tight white t-shirt? Good tunes, hot boys - not too shabby for a Thursday night.

· Sunday 2/11...leaving a 4.30 showing of Norbit at the arclight. Mike Tyson and Russell Simmons....I guess wonderland rehab centre lets you out to watch movies. I dared someone to shout 'rapist' and then run....but his face tattoo scared me. Russell seems to have traded up from Kimora Lee.

· Last night at Teddy's......... Ashlee Simpson clad in a midnight blue strapless dress fawning all over a scruffy band dude who friends kindy imformed me was Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy (what? I don't listen to so-called indie rock targeted at teen girls)...Leonardo diCaprio looking low key amongst the crowd in his patented baseball cap... Danny Masterson (sans Bijou) sporting a seriously thick beard and a plaid shirt he probably swiped from THAT 70's SHOW wardrobe holding court for his buddies at a prime table.

· At the Roxy on Thursday, Feb 8th a few celebs gathered to watch Ringside and some crazy Russian band, both of whom were pretty entertaining. Hanging out in the VIP section, my friends and I spotted Cisco Adler of extreme hangy ball fame on one side of room and Pete Wentz of internet peen fame on the other side. Wentz was briefly accompanied by a permanently petrified looking Ashlee Simpson. I'm only 5 feet tall but both Pete and Ashlee looked pretty small to me while Cisco just looked like he had a bad case of the 1970's. One of the actors from Grey's Anatomy was there too, but we didn't notice him until a gaggle of girls came up and fawned all over him. A friend of mine whispered 'Isn't he the plastic surgeon who works with McSteamy?" (Justin Chambers) which definitely sounds way dirtier than it should.

· Approx. 7 pm Check Out line Gelsons on Hyperion in Silverlake

Rachel Bilson of O.C. Fame in the very next check out lane. My sharp eyed girlfriend spotted her. She was buying groceries including a dozen eggs. She was tiny and cute with a canary colored coat on. She seemed friendly to the check out people. No one seemed to recognize her. She pushed a cart out with her groceries to her car. This has been my best celeb sighting in quite a while. It sure did make my night.

Also T.J.'s Silverlake right before the Rachel Bilson sighting I was at Trader Joes across the street from Gelsons. ( I had to go to both Trader Joes and then Gelsons due to a lack of tarter sauce at Trader Joes. They don't carry it any more?!) In any case I am pretty sure I was behind Mr. T in line or maybe it was just some random black guy. I am not really sure.

· Yawn - Kevin Connelly at Equinox We-Ho this past Saturday, approx 5pm. Walking up the stairs with a group of guys looking EXACTLY like I'd imagined him to look in person. Kinda short and delicate, unassuming but with a slight cockiness validating Eric in full.

· Saw AVRIL LAVIGNE at YQUE! in Los Feliz. She was with her husband (Deryck Whibley) and some other losers. She bought Nag Champa and paid for a it with her black AMEX card. Then she got a little annoyed when the sales guy asked for her ID...

· 1pm - Hugo's, Sherman Oaks. Scott "yes I'm a rock star" Weiland exiting. He looked drunk.

· Just saw Jena Malone at the Beverly Center. We were waiting for the elevator on the 2nd parking level with a ton of people. Jena was getting frustrated with her guy friend for not catching the right elevator. We finally got on one and i had the fortune of being packed in right next to her. She's really friendly and we chatted about how claustrophobic we felt. Shes super thin but quite striking.

· Last night (2/11) my theatre-going companion and I sat next to David Denman (Roy on The Office) and a friend, taking in the play "Dogeaters". He seemed very serious and earnest, and I gave him kudos for the multi-culturalist entertainment choice. He also looked nowhere near as hulking as he seems on the show...but then, we all know about that "TV adds 10 pounds of hulkingness" cliche.

· Saw Mark-Paul Gosselaar at Lucky Baldwin's 7th Annual Belgian Beer Festival on Saturday night in Pasadena. My girlfriend pointed him out, and he blended right in with a group of dudes which I presume was his entourage. I would've preferred Kelly Kapowski. Good to see he's at least got good taste in beer.

· Greg Grunberg from Heroes (the thought-reading cop) was at Pottery Barn at the Topanga Mall in Woodland Hills (of all places) with his family on Sunday afternoon. He's thinner in person, too, I might add.

· I was at Pulp (hipster card store) on La Brea on Saturday afternoon looking for a cute birthday card and I noticed a short, obese older woman browsing nearby. Didn't register until she opened her mouth to complain about the price of the Valentine's Day cards ("Don't you have anything less expensive?") and the high pitched squeal made me realize right away that I was standing near none other than the esteemed Sally Struthers. Confirmed when one of the salespeople called her "Sally." She got the star treatment there, which is a little mind-boggling but, I suppose, reassuring in the sense that Sally Struthers will always be taken care of. She seemed exuberant and nice (other than the bitching about the cost of greeting cards, but hell, they're expensive) but also in dire need of makeup and a flattering hair style. Anyway, for the cost of one of those greeting cards, you can feed a starving orphan in Africa.

· Mon. 2/12, 9:25 pm I saw Nawlins' 'Aints QB Drew Brees at United terminal in LAX, fresh back from the Pro Bowl in shorts, flip flops, standard-issue QB visor, and his arm in a sling. Poor guy!

· "Larry Sanders'" former assistant, Wallace Langham, leaving the Home Depot in Hollywood @ 10PM Thursday, 2/8. Carrying what appeared to be a few lightweight bags, but looked like he was getting some help from a couple of clerks. He needs help with that?

· Friday, 2/9, 3pm. Hollywood. As I turned right from Wilcox on to DeLongpre, I spotted a tiny silver sports coupe (I think it was a Mercedes) waiting to turn left from DeLongpre on to Wilcox. Inside it was the unmistakable presence of Mrs. Grubman (Ruth Williamson) from Nip/Tuck. I so wanted to scream something out the window at her about a cautery tip or Christian Troy, but my brain misfired before I could do it. She looks exactly like she did on the show.

· Saw Nic Harcourt from KCRW at Starbucks today at Bundy and Santa Monica. Trailing along were his 2 kids and a double D blondie wearing a "meet me at MySpace" T-shirt and complaining about how sweaty she was from keeping up with the kids. Uh, maybe someone a little more age-appropriate and kid-friendly next time, Nic? Love the KCRW but prefer the "New Ground" show to Morning Eclectic anyway!

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Pater Sarsgaard, their cute baby and Maggie's mom (I'm guessing) were all eating sandwiches at the Cowgirl Creamery in Point Reyes Station around 2pm this afternoon. They looked like Marin Country natives in fleeces and hiking boots. Must have been recovering from the Manka's fire (damn shame; I spent my honeymoon there and the food was amazing). No Jake in sight. Maggie was complaining about how cold it was and Peter was taking pictures of the baby.

We're in the dark about Jake's whereabouts—he could well still have been at the fire site, doing his menschly duty by helping Manka's chef and co-owner Daniel DeLong sift through the charred rubble. Alternately, he might be running for his life in his boxer shorts down a dirt road from a throng of female and Jake-friendly Bay Area vacationers and locals, waving autograph books in hand and screaming about how much extra bed space they have at their place.

• Previously: Falling Trees And Fire Intrude Upon A Quiet Gyllenhaal Christmas [Defamer]

An early morning fire Wednesday at Manka's Inverness Lodge, apparently triggered when a tree crashed into the back of the structure, destroyed the main building and its world-famous restaurant where Prince Charles dined last year.

Academy Award-nominated actor Jake Gyllenhaal and his sister, actress Maggie Gyllenhaal, who vacationed there frequently, were among the dozen or so guests forced to flee into the wind and rain at about 3 a.m. No injuries were reported, but several dozen employees may be out of work.

"From my perspective, it looks like a total loss of the main lodge and the restaurant," said Marin County Fire Department Battalion Chief Mike Giannini.

None of the actors were available for comment. But Daniel DeLong, a co-chef/owner with his partner, Margaret Grad, said they were helpful and concerned about the historic lodge.

"Jake was helping me pull things out of the fire," DeLong said. [...]

DeLong said they were coming off a great Christmas where he cooked grits for not only the Gyllenhaals, but actress Frances McDormand and her husband Joel Cohen, a filmmaker whose credits include "Fargo," "The Big Lebowski" and "O Brother, Where Art Thou?"

It's a sad turn of events for the inn owners, who may be able to rebuild, but who have now suffered irreparable damage to the "secret A-list celebrity hideaway" status they have enjoyed for years. Still, we were hardly surprised to hear Señor Dreammuffin, aka Jake, selflessly put himself in harm's way to help out his hosts, even if it might have been mildly guilt-induced after Fire Department Battalion Chief Giannini trotted up to the lodge-owners holding up a scorched cashmere sock in one hand and the charcoal remnants of a wooden garden chime in another, saying, "Here's your problem right here, see."

• Inverness fire engulfs lodge, Manka's eatery [Marin Independent Journal via Towleroad]

Bear witness to an IM conversation I just had with One Lucky Bitch:

OLB: [I just saw] the entire Gyllenhaal family, including Peter and the baby!! They literally sat 4 feet away from us at the next table. AND I know what Jake got for Christmas

Me: Noooooo! WHAT?? How did Jake look?? What is their baby's name? Ramona?

OLB: Something like that. Anyways, he got...

Me: (please say underwear)
OLB: A pair of cashmere socks, a british tea set, and a hanging garden wooden chime.
Me: How totally sweet
OLB: And slightly gay. Jake looked adorable in his grey Polo cardigan
Me: Aw, I love him.

We applaud the Gyllenhaals' artisanal choices, whose sentimental value will only increase with time where a monogrammed Gucci script protector might not. And while it's all too easy to write these delicate, handcrafted items off as "gay," we'd argue that there is nothing more virile than a man comfortable enough in his own masculinity to be able to provide for his special woman a complete outdoor tea service under the enchanted notes of a garden wind chime, followed by a delightful variety show starring his uproarious sock puppet friends.

*As a commenter pointed out, today was Jake's birthday, making these not early Christmas gifts, but birthday gifts. We'd love to blame One Lucky Bitch, but we really should know better. Happy birthday, Your Dreaminess!
** As a second commenter pointed out, Jake's mother is Jewish, therefore adding the possibility that these were in fact Hannukah gifts. Since we have already acknowledged that today was his birthday, however, we'll assume the windchimes, tea set and socks were his birthday gifts, and that Jake will receive Chrismukkah gifts under separate cover, so that he isn't made to feel as if his special day is being overshadowed by the holidays.

• Stars, They're Just Like Us: 6 Days of Christmas Edition [Mad Megan's Blog]

In today's episode: Jennifer Aniston and Emilio Estevez; Christian Slater and Larry King; Leonardo DiCaprio; Annette Bening; Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard; Kirsten Dunst and Taye Diggs; Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart; James Caan and Scott Caan; Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell; Jessica Biel and Derek Jeter; Ralf Moeller and David Krumholtz; David Caruso; Zooey Deschanel; Cobi Jones and Dennis Rodman; Dennis Haysbert; Adam Goldberg; Efren Ramirez and Alexa Varga; Flavor Flav and Lance Bass.

· Was chilling by the pool at the Four Seasons in Santa Barbara last weekend, when I noticed Jennifer Aniston across from me at the pool. She smoked roughly a pack and a half of cigs, while sipping on a margarita and checking her treo ever so often.....We were all excited and went up to the bar to order some margs of our own, when a short liitle man came up to us and offered to buy us our drinks, we brushed him off and as I was finishing up my sentence, which was going to end with something like: "you short little shit" I realized I was talking to a very botox induced Emilio Estevez....I changed my tune, told him I loved him in Breakfast Club and had watched it a couple of nights before (sad but true story)....we ended up letting him buy us the margs - nice guy, BUT so short Jen Aniston looked like Angelina in comparison!

· First major A-list sighting! Yay LA! Jennifer Aniston at AOC on 3rd st. tonight. Why does fancy dinner taste fancier after fancy famous people walk by? She's ten times prettier in person and looks delicate.

· Sat daytime @ amc century 14. Christian Slater and daughter. Larry King with wife and kids. Sun afternoon. Leo DiCaprio and girlfriend walking on melrose.

· Keanu Reeves wining and dining his new 'main squeeze', Vicky Kujawa, a beautiful brunette Chicago Socialite, at Lawry's Prime Rib in Beverly Hills; this could be serious......

· Thursday, November 16th @ the Pinkberry in West Hollywood. Annette Bening in a beautiful Calvin Klein top and skirt looking very hip, chic and slim. She was totally approachable and polite. Said she hadn't been there before and allowed another customer to go in front of her while she perused the toppings. She ordered one medium plain pinkberry with blackberries and granola and one to go. She and friend chatted for a while and then got her 'to go' order and left.

· Taking a break from filming at the LA Film School, I took a walk at the Hollywood Farmer's Market, where I saw none other than Maggie Gyllenhaal with Peter Sarsgaard and baby Ramona! The family had quite a few bags and seemed adorably content

· I had a friend visiting from out of town and was excited to produce 2 celeb sightings for him. We spotted Kirsten Dunst (way too skinny and not that attractive) and Taye Diggs (extremely buff and extremely good-looking) at American Rag on Saturday afternoon. Although Kristin ducked into the changing room, she left without buying anything. Taye arrived a little bit later with a small dog and a bag from Undefeated (the shoe store nearby).

· Just left regular Saturday morning breakfast spot Jinky's on Sunset Blvd (11/18 - 11:30AM). Dr. McSteamy Eric Dane and wife Rebecca Gayheart sat down a table over from us on the same side of the table (Parisian style) just like we were. He had aviator sunglasses dangling from his button down shirt, jeans, and those grey-black-flourescent yellow striped Nikes everyone wore 5 years ago. She wore a 60s mod scarf in her hair. Another white couple joined them after a few minutes later, the new arrival dude wore a Georgetown Baseball T-Shirt...to which Eric shouted "You went to Georgetown?, I didnt know that" and was really interested in his college baseball career. As someone who went to Georgetown myself, I can say that baseball is one of the last things the school is known for...after hoops, priests, and politicians.

The waitress came and Rebecca said "I didnt even see the menu..." Rebecca ordered well done turkey bacon. Eric wanted fries with whatever he ordered but it didnt come with it, so he ordered a side of fries. Then we left and drove right by Eric's billboard for "Wedding Wars" on Sunset Blvd (by coincidence, not to continue an Eric Dane love fest)

· two, two, two sightings within 4 hours of each other! whoopee doo!

sunday morning i spotted james caan and his sons scott, james Arthur and jacob (i had to look the last two up on imdb) enjoying an al fresco breakfast outside the beverly glen deli at the top of beverly glen. scott and his old man were wearing semi-matching cab driver style, kangol-ish hats. awwww.

· sunday afternoon i was driving in a very residential, incredibly non-celebrity infested woodland hills neighborhood, when i passed jerry o'connell and rebecca romijn in matching bike outfits out for a leisurely ride on a bicycle built for two. no shit. they were heading up mulholland when i left for a 90 minute car wash/foodshop combo and when i returned i caught them heading the other way back towards calabasas.

· nov 14th— (i dont know if this really qualifies) but at red pearl kitchen i saw Ralf Moeller ( gladiator, conan, mr universe) dining with a hot blonde actress type that looked kinda familiar... it was clearly a date!— And at the table next to them- was david krumholtz ( numbers) dining with what looked like his father and a girlfriend. david krumholdzt said good-bye to ralf when he left... do all actors know each other??
also jessica biel and derek jeter together at the getty museum during the day— he could not keep his hands off her ass... ( can you blame him?)— guess they are dating?!

· Walking down Dayton Way between Canon and Beverly Drive in Beverly Hills this past Wednesday (11/15) was a poorly concealed David Caruso in a baseball cap and dark sunglasses. It appears he was being lead by a handler or some sort - possibly just a life coach he hired to follow him at all times reminding him not to quit CSI Miami for a film career.

· Went to Area for the first and last time last night (thursday 11/16). Fairly standard incredible looking women-to-women trying incredibly hard to be incredible looking-to-the men who love them ratio, and a thin night on the star side: Zooey Deschanel was there, with her standard "Did I just sit on something?" expression on her face. Still, she's sort of adorable. Also, washed up U.S. soccer stud Cobi Jones, washed up NBA freak Dennis Rodman, and washed up professional sports league franchise The Philadelphia Flyers. Peter Forsberg is still a total badass, though.

· Dennis Haysbert at the USC Cal game last night, walking on the field and stopping to take pictures with people in the front row. People kept yelling "youre in good hands" and making jokes about President Palmer from 24, but I guess it didnt bother him.

· If you can even call him a celebrity any more (though I guess malingering near Christina Ricci confers a kind of celebrity status): Adam Goldberg looking rough, gruff and surly outside an AFI Fest screening of David Lynch's (sublime) "Inland Empire."

· I was at the Grove on Friday night at 2AM and spotted actor Efren Ramirez (PEDRO from Napoleon Dynamite) with Alexa Vega from the Spy Kids movies all leaving Casino Royale and talking with friends in the lobby for about 15 minutes after the screening.

· Last night (11/19) I was waiting for my luggage at LAX. Behind me was a tiny guy wearing a huge Reggie Bush jersey, a ridiculously long gold chain and a white clock necklace. Turns out it was Flavor Flav, whose luggage had apparently been lost. I'm pushing "You got your claim check, Flav?" as the hot new slogan for '07.

· I saw Lance Bass in all his gayness at Bally's Total Fitness in Studio City. He was with a chunky female and they rode elliptical trainers together and chatted all the while. He was wearing a trucker hat that covered his eyes, but there was no missing him.

WHO: Peter Sarsgaard affectionately loving girlfriend Maggie Gyllenhaal with her brother Jake smilingly with approval.

WHEN: 2 pm today, Mon. Nov. 28

WHERE: M Cafe de Chaya, a gourmet macrobiotic place on Melrose right off La Brea.

They are all so beautiful/talented/winning I can't even take it.

If you're in the area and surfing the internet wirelessly, perhaps you can still catch the happy threesome indulging in a delicious soy crème brulee.

UPDATE: Another reader spots the Gyllenhaals at lunch, and raises us a Sarah Silverman:

Melrose and LaBrea was somewhat happening this afternoon. Opting to play healthy at M Cafe de Chaya (rather than wait around at Pink's), were jarheads Peter Sarsgaard and Jake Gyllenhaal along with girlfriend/sister (respectively, one hopes) Maggie Gyllenhaal. I had to double check the spelling of their names; that's more AA's than I'm accustomed to. The power-trio fiddled around with a patio umbrella for a little too long, drawing attention to their ultimately fruitless shade-seeking efforts. Inside and out of the sun were Sarah Silverman and a friend, looking post-workout. Today, she was not eating jelly off of her boyfriend's penis. Rather, she was eating a macrobiotic chopped salad off of her boyfriend's penis.

• Hollywood PrivacyWatch Holiday Edition: A Very Marky Mark Thanksgiving [Defamer]