Instead of Corey Feldman, try Corey Haim: At the time of Drew’s fling with Feldman, picking between the two Coreys was a matter of Eeny Meeny Miney Mo, Catch A Cokehead By The Toe. Judging by their subsequent trajectories, Drew may have made the wiser choice. But it’s the other Corey, sent to the bottom of his pill bag by Defamer commenters, who currently needs all the help Drew’s strawberry-scented guffaws can bring.

Instead of Luke Wilson, try Owen Wilson: Maybe back in the late 90s Luke seemed like the more intriguing Wilson. His nose wasn’t quite as broken as his brother’s, Owen hadn’t bewitched us all with his Hans in Zoolander, and Luke had yet to permanently banish himself from crush lists by actually sharing screen time with Jessica Simpson. But if Drew goes back to the Wilson well, Owen is clearly the front-runner these days.

Instead of Tom Green, try Dane Cook: Because the barren landscape of horrendously unfunny comedians has a new mascot, and Drew’s fondness of sticking her tongue down her boyfriend’s throat might be the only way to shut this one up.

Instead of Justin Long, try PC Guy: Because John Hodgman is a treasure and deserves some action. Bonus points for Drew if she agrees to film a cameo in the next Apple commercial, makes Justin cry, short-circuit whatever totally awesome new Mac he’s holding, and permanently erase that smirk from his face.

[Photo credits: Wireimage, Getty]

• STAR EXCLUSIVE! DREW BARRYMORE AND JUSTIN LONG: IT'S OVER! [Star]

In today's installment: Britney Spears, Jeremy Piven, Paris Hilton, Vince Vaughn, Jack Black, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Luke Wilson, David Beckham, Dennis Hopper, Gwen Stefani, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jeff Goldblum, Zooey Deschanel, Rainn Wilson, Giovanni Ribisi, Judy Greer, Phil Spector, Kevin Federline, Morgan Spurlock, Kristen Chenoweth, Judy Greer, Cloris Leachman, John Slattery, Emma Stone, Bijou Philips, Jane Lynch, Dean Cain, John Corbett, Paul Scheer, and more.

SATURDAY, MAY 24
While surrounded by Brody Jenner-looking date
rapists at Happy Endings, I spotted a welcomed sight: Seth Morris, Owen Burke, and Paul Scheer. Joined by a bunch of other UCB comic types upstairs in the corner and looking almost as out of place as me.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4
Saw Cloris Leachman at the Aqua Lounge watching Jeff Goldblum and his band play some jazz standards. Jeff's pretty talented on the keyboard, but the group as a whole made me feel like I was at someone's wedding.

Wednesday afternoon, my friend and I are having our usually mid-week lunch time phone conversation. In mid-conversation he gasps and tells me that he is at Chipotle in BH and David Beckham has just walked in. No f''ing way! David F'ing Beckham in Chipotle! BTW - what's up with that family and Mexican food? Just wish I could get shot in person of David's burrito! hehe

FRIDAY, JUNE 6
Vince Vaughn at the Greek Theatre for A Prairie Home Companion on June 6. Thinking he's a Garrison Keillor fan definitely makes me like him a little more.

Driving on Ledgewood in Hollywoodland today, I saw Phil Spector driving a Mercedes convertible, wearing that crazy giant curly fright wig he dropped in favor of the lesbian pageboy thing he wore in court. He wears it while driving a convertible! How the hell do you bolt that on?

Cuba Gooding Jr. with 2 friends eating sushi at Hana Sushi in Brentwood. He was a lot smaller than I thought he would be and was definately enjoying his wine. He was nice to everyone that came up and talked with him. He was abnormally excited about going to Q's (the pool bar next door). Oh wait, it was beer pong night. I'd be excited too!

SUNDAY, JUNE 8
Judy Greer (aka Kitty from Arrested Development) spotted Friday night at St Nick's Pub on 3rd st, sitting in a booth with friends. Had to stop myself from making a George Bluth reference.

MONDAY, JUNE 9
I love the show Mad Men, so what a thrill to spot Sterling Cooper honcho John Slattery getting his caffeine on at the Starbucks on Main Street in Santa Monica.

TUESDAY, JUNE 10
Former TV Superman Dean Cain swooping down into Beverly Hills for some shopping at Tom's Toys on Beverly Drive.

THURSDAY, JUNE 12
Saw John Corbett at LAX on Thursday. T-shirt, jeans, boots, with tinted Ray-Bans at the Hudson Books. Tall with a paunch that looks just right on him. Looks like a very hip carpenter. No one seemed to notice him even though he's a pretty big dude.

At the Palms in Vegas for a little work and a little fun, CineVegas is happening. I caught the opening night film, The Rocker, and went to the after party at Moon and the cast was there. Emma Stone is stunning in person, her waist is teeny and her skin is all Hollywood teen glow, she was hanging out with who I think was her mom. Jane Lynch was in a cool 50's style dress with pockets, lady is tall and very animated when she talks. Open bar here is a dangerous thing.

I was having dinner at the Mel's on Sunset Blvd. across from Ketchup. As me and my boyfriend got up to leave, I heard an easily recognizable voice. I look down and sitting at a booth with a couple of her friends was the star of Broadway's Wicked and ABC's Pushing Daisies, Kristin Chenoweth. She looked adorable as ever!

FRIDAY, JUNE 13
Around 8 am, I passed the front desk at The Palms and saw Dennis Hopper talking to who I assume was his assistant. He looks good for an older guy, white hair, sharply dressed, short and holding onto a bottle of water. I then head to the elevator and walk past Rainn Wilson in red wayfarers and a golf shirt, he's tall and funny looking, the same as one would imagine. Seemed like he had a long night and was asking where the Coffee Bean was. Later in the day, Bill Pullman came through the casino in a navy blazer, he stopped and took photos with people. There was a CineVegas anniversary party at the Palms Place pool. Hopper, George Maloof and tons of people were there including some guy with a cat perched on his shoulder and Britney Spears. She was seated in a cabana with a velvet rope in front of it where two HUGE security guys minded her and a few friends. She was in a black cocktail dress and sat sipping her drink and was surprisingly pretty. The fake tan didn't look so fake and she looked like she had been styled for the night. I wouldn't have noticed her had it not been for the rope. The whole thing was weird. Like walking past a diorama in the Natural History Museum...The Britney Exhibit. She sat watching the party happen and the party peered at her like she was some kind endangered species....and of course, Prince Paul kept interrupting his set to play her music. Tres surreal.

Jeremy Piven looking very chubby at Zen Zoo, on Vine.

Lunchtime in Beverly Hills near the Chipotle, I THINK I saw Jack Black coming down the sidewalk. He was carrying a bag of fast food, unlike other Bev Hills denizens, who carry bags of ugly empire-waisted dresses. I wasn't super certain it was him...but then I saw that belly, that belly that practically got second billing on Nacho Libre. I hope it was him as I said "Hello, awesome!" as we passed each other on the sidewalk. If it was just another chubby dude, then THAT was terribly embarrassing...

Luke Wilson looking extremely hot at my local pavillion supermarket in Santa Monica. Drove off in his illegally tinted silver porsche and while at the red light, kept raising and lowering his window like he couldn't decide if he wanted to be noticed. Looking very sexy tho.

SATURDAY, JUNE 14
Britney at Palms Place in Vegas. There with one of her enablers and a Russian bodyguard. She was chain smoking cigarettes and eating chicken fingers as she sat by the pool. It's true — she's all class.

Saw Giovanni Ribisi at the carwash on Vermont and Prospect. He smoked a cigarette and read a script while he waited for his car. He kept to himself and was completely unassuming so much so I almost feel guilty sending in this sighting. I wasn't able to see what type of car he drives as my car was finished before his.

At the valet stand at Planet Hollywood, I waited for my keys and looked to my left, there standing beside me was Kevin Federline. He's a little guy, wearing his requisite white t-shirt and baggy shorts. Wasn't impressed. Probably not a coincidence that Britney is in town too. Later that night at the Palms, I saw Bijou Philips perform at another CineVegas party. She sang for a little while and hung out by the pool, her voice wasn't half bad. Spotted Traci Lords waiting for an elevator in stilettos and a tight black dress, she has aged insanely well.

SUNDAY, JUNE 15
In Planet Hollywood, I saw Dwayne Johnson tan, lean and HOT coming down the main escalator going to a screening of Get Smart. He's tall and surprisingly good looking, not bulky or wrestler-esque. He stopped and signed autographs in the casino and had a seriously huge entourage.

Back at the Palms, I saw a sunburned Morgan Spurlock by the pool, handlebar moustache in full effect. Passed by Beastie Boy MCA (Adam Yauch) on the casino floor.

MONDAY, JUNE 16
I saw Vincent Kartheiser of Mad Men on the Continental redeye from Newark to LAX. He was dressed just like Pete Campbell in a brown suit and vintage skinny tie, and bopping around the terminal to whatever was on his iPod. Staying in his character's groove I guess, he was only slightly more subdued once on board (first class of course). Much better looking in person than on the show, but an occasional burger wouldn't kill him - the guy is rail thin.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18
Last night I saw doe-eyed indie goddess/ingenue Zooey Deschanel at the Rilo Kiley Show at the Greek. Looked absolutely stunning (and happy), wearing a gorgeous green dress.

THURSDAY, JUNE 19
As we were leaving Juvenex Spa in Manhattan at 9pm, Paris Hilton was just coming in. She was all dressed up and decked out. I guess with the stress of being Paris she needed a massage.

Saw Gwen Stefani and family (including her dad) enjoying dinner at Buddha's Belly on Beverly last night (6/19). Aside from the few annoying paparazzi outside, they were pretty much left alone. Gwen looked gorgeous without all of that caked on makeup!

boomp3.com



While out enjoying coffee in Santa Monica, Bottle Rocket star Luke Wilson was accosted by the west side police department. The police officers ran the good cop/bad cop routine on Wilson about the status of a sequel to the 2003 comedy Old School. Wilson attempted to explain the development process to the officers and how they need to come up with a great script and way to figure out everybody's schedules. Even more difficult, he explained, was finding a budget number that would meet everyone's quote. The officers seemed stunned to hear about how much work would go into making another film. One officer said, "You mean, this script just doesn't say, 'Will walks in and says something funny, then like Vince Vaughn says something even more funny and you just make a funny face'?" Wilson shrugged his shoulders and said, "I wouldn't be surprised if some are written that way."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

In today's episode: Vince Vaughn; Keanu Reeves; Salma Hayek; Luke Wilson; William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman; Hugh Hefner; Dennis Quaid and Harry Dean Stanton; David Arquette; Sandra Oh; Larry King; Geena Davis; Adam Goldberg; Benjamin Bratt; Seal; Jimmy Fallon; Mindy Kaling; Paul Reiser; Henry Winkler; Colin Hanks; Sherry Lansing; Mena Suvari; Dave Navarro; Emily Procter; Lou Barlow and Danny Bonaduce.

· 9/9: Saw notorious tall-drink-of-water Vince Vaughn riding a bike down Abbot Kinney in Venice, peddling a few feet behind a dude pal. Even seated on a bicycle, the giant Vaughn towered over the yuppo-bohemians scurrying along the nearby sidewalks, windowshopping for overpriced furniture.

· I was working my shift at the Hooters of Hollywood on 9/14 when I saw Keanu Reeves with a lanky male friend. Keanu was flirting with his waitress, a hot brunette. Looked like they exchanged numbers on napkins.

· As if "Across the Universe" wasn't trippy enough, my friends and I were sitting next to Salma Hayek and her boyfriend/fiancee/ husband/impregnator during the 420 showing of it on Saturday (9/15) at the Arclight. She's very pregnant and very beautiful and the two of them were cracking up during her scene...

· 09/15/07 - Spotted Luke Wilson at Guero's Taco Bar in Austin, TX, looking very "I've grown a full beard in order to not be recognized and asked about my psychotic older brother."

· Sept 9: While headed through the Roosevelt Hotel lobby on the way to use their fine restroom facilites, saw William H. Macy giving wife Felicity Huffman a footrub on one of the sofas, an oddly conspicous display of tootsie-pampering skills. Even though I couldn't really stare (that would have been rude) , it appeared that he wasn't ticklin' or nothin'.

· 9/13 - Thursday night at Ketchup on Sunset saw Hugh Hefner having dinner with seven of his "associates." Had him landlocked in a big booth while paps (or their crew?) did their thing. Dude is old and busted. At least eleventy. I know that's not new info, but damn. And his associates are whore-tastic. Obvi.

· 9/13 Accidentally caught Dennis Quaid's band last night at Santa Monica jazz and blues cave, Harvelles. There were about ten people there, but all Defamer-required snarkage aside: they're really fucking good. Quaid does a mean Doors cover and Harry Dean Stanton is the harmonica rocking-est polygamist I've ever seen.

· Approaching the corner of Dayton Way and Wilshire, I think it was Dayton, the one that dead ends at Neiman's, there was a film crew shooting and if I hadn't known it was a film shoot I would not have noticed David Arquette. He looked non-descript although he was enviably reed thin and shorter than me. Then after I had a lobster club salad at The Mariposa with a friend we saw Sandra Oh at the Kiehl's counter stocking up for beauty event.

· It's not just the seeing Larry King buying an assortment of papers and magazines Monday morning (9-17) at Al's Newsstand in Beverly Hills that's what's exciting - it's the designer jeans he was wearing. Now we're talking...

· Saturday 9/15: at Iroha Sushi in Studio City, Geena Davis, looking the epitome of frumpy. She walked in with her husband (who looks like a poor man's Jeff Goldblum) and dined with another couple.

· Sept 12 - Saw adam goldberg at the spoon show tonight; such a cutie in his western shirt, tight pants, and boots. Was he trying to feign being from austin so the band would like him more? This austin girl loved it.

· Saw Benjamin Bratt at Peet's Coffee & Tea on Main Street in Santa Monica Monday a.m. He was just out of the shower, hair wet, fresh t-shirt and jeans. So, so hot.

· 9/16 - I was enjoying a quiet Sunday morning reading the NY Times outside a Starbucks in Beverly Hills when a loud black Ferrari (or Lamborghini?) pulls up and idles outside Nate 'N Al's next door. Sitting behind the wheel having a serious conversation on his cell was Seal mere hours before strutting down the red carpet with his stunning wife Emmy-nominated wife. (By the way, damn all y'all who voted for Amazing Race instead of Project Runway.) He sat there on the street taking up the right lane until people trying to pass started to get annoyed, except the couple that slowed to take a photo, so he made a u-turn and hung on the opposite side of the street. I expected a busboy to run out and load up the car built for sex with bagels, lox and cream cheese. But when a spot opened up, a couple young guys (they really got a kick out of this) helped guide Seal into the spot so he wouldn't ding their way inferior car. Seal hopped out, still gabbing away about editing photos, and walked by me into the Starbucks where he loaded up on treats, presumably for his adorable family. He looked hot in a black t-shirt and jeans, and he smelled really good.

· Saturday night, Sunset Strip by Roxy, Jimmy Fallon was walking down the street with his fiancee. No one really seemed to notice him, much less bother him. He and the lady were both wearing jeans and he had a black hipster blazer with a t-shirt underneath that was also probably hipster-ish. I was trying to be too cool pretending not to notice him to actually look over and read what it said.

· on thursday, after grilled cheese night at campanile (excellent, by the way), we headed to milk, the dairy kingdom on beverly. While enjoying a milkshake, i look up to see the office's resident gwen stefani fan mindy kaling standing by the cookie display. she smiled at me a few times with that "i know you know who i am, and thanks for watching" look in her eyes, but no words were exchanged.

the next night, we took in a screening of "across the universe" at the landmark. sitting right by the entrance of our theater was paul reiser. he looked quite a bit older than his sitcom heyday, and had a full head of grey hair. guess he hasn't had much else to do but get older?

afterwards, we saw the fonz himself, henry winkler, going down the escalators. he was wearing the exact opposite of fonz garb: a really garishly colored plaid shirt. no sign of opie either.

· Sunday, Sept. 16th.
I saw Colin Hanks at Q's on Wilshire at around 11:30am. He blended into the sea of Sunday morning football fans by keeping his face hidden under a baseball cap and glasses. He sat down by the pool tables and cheered for the mighty New York Giants. Unfortunately the Giants lost, so I hereby declare Colin Hanks as bad-luck.

· Hey, I'm totally late on these, but the week before Labor Day I saw
Sherry Lansing gathering with friends/family at the Starbucks in Westwood near Wilshire. Same week I saw shaved-head Mena Suvari at the Whole Foods in Santa Monica on Wilshire. Both looked good, albeit in totally different ways.

· On Emmy Day, I went to The Grove to see "The Brave One" and spotted in the theater Dave Navarro with some gorgeous but generic blonde.

Later, at Maggiano's Little Italy, I spotted Emily Procter (CSI: Miami) dining with 2 other ladies and 3 definite middle-aged Gay men. One looked very much like the tall, spiky-haired, glasses wearing host from some cable makeover show, but I just couldn't figure which one, and IMDB is being mean to me.

· If it wasn't for the fact that he looks exactly like you would expect him to, I wouldn't have believed that it was indie-rock icon Lou Barlow shopping at DSW Shoe Warehouse in the Paseo Colorado in Pasadena on Saturday, September 15 with his wife and young daughter. I wanted to say something out of deference and admiration but I was drawing a blank on the names of Sebadoh albums and was afraid he might quiz me or something.

· Sunday afternoon, Sept. 16th - Mom and li'l sis were in town from CA's Central Valley so of course we went to The Grove. I mentioned that celebs were known to have been spotted there from time to time. All we managed to come up with was Danny Bonaduce, apparently lacking an Emmy ticket, in new blue jeans and a gray tee, walking alone toward the Farmer's Market, lighting a fag (smoking a cigarette, that is). He turned up again as we were picking up the car from the valet at the FM, this time carrying a new backpack over his shoulder, again lighting one up. Mom was happy, but she said a little too loudly that he looked like a bum. And yes, he was within earshot...sorry, Danny.

· Saturday September 8
Danny Bonaduce at the Miracle Mile Ralph's looking unaturally/frighteningly orange. Definitely fit, he spent 10 minutes looking at hair coloring. I'm just sayin'.

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LUKE Wilson had to change his cellphone number this weekend, thanks to an annoying prank by his pal Johnny Knoxville.

The "Jackass" star found out Wilson was going to hang out at the Polaroid Beach House in Malibu for the Boost Mobile party Saturday and hired a plane to hover above the place with a banner that read: "Luke Wilson's phone number 3105000082." Apparently, it was his real number. It's now out of service. But Wilson decided not to hang at the beach, probably because he had to deal with all the annoying calls.

Luckily for Wilson, the nightmare period in which he was deluged with calls from random beachgoers wondering if he'd be willing to "take a look at my script—it's sort of Idiocracy meets Vacancy," was over once his mobile provider arranged for a new number. There's no guaranteeing Wilson's original number won't eventually be recycled, however, resulting in a celebrity telecommunications fiasco similar to the UCLA student who was assigned Paris Hilton's number—only, we hope, without the strange, Greek-accented men calling at ungodly hours to ask, "Baby girl, how are you?"

• SKY-HIGH PRANK [NY Post]

In today's episode: Arnold Schwarzenegger; Luke Wilson; Ryan Gosling; Joaquin Phoenix; Britney Spears; Paris Hilton; Tara Reid; Pam Anderson and Brandon Davis; Sandra Oh; Jon Heder; Mike Tyson; Fred Armisen and Paul F. Tompkins; Luis Guzman; Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz; Milla Jovovich; Richard Schiff and Sheila Kelley; Dr. 90210; Robbie Williams; Amy Smart; Shannyn Sossamon; Treat Williams; Shane West and Jay Tarses; Amaury Nolasco; Tori Amos; Rider Strong and Rumer Willis; In San Francisco: Rex Lee.

· Arnold Schwarzenegger (4/27) driving his Bentley convertible (top down!) on San Vicente in Brentwood. Creme suit w/ pseudo aviator-style shades. Just try to pull that off, Spitzer.

· Friday 4/27, 4-ish at the intersection of SM and 5th in Santa Monica: I'm walking towards my gym, dodging cars, homeless people, and the hipper-than-thous outside of Real Food Daily, when who do I see? Luke Wilson apparently evacuating the huddled, now-smoke-free masses crowded about the Third Street Promenade. He was alone and didn't appear to have purchased anything. Much taller and thinner than I thought he would be, definitely a lot more attractive in person than the Butterscotch Stallion.

· Saturday Night (4/28 - 9:40 p.m.) Saw Ryan Gosling and another dude buy tickets at the Laemmle Sunset 5. Half Nelson was wearing faded jeans and some kind of button-down shirt. Looked like just a regular, happy guy out going to the movies. My homo friends swear the other guy was a "date." I don't agree, but I'm not above starting rumors.

· sunday @ fiesta broadway in downtown. saw ryan gosling walk into the arcade we were in that was open during the giant fiesta. he lives nearby, i think. he was with two guy friends, no girlfriend. casually walked around, played some games.

· I was at Aroma in Studio City, yesterday Friday the 27th for lunch, and realized I was standing in line behind Joaquin Phoenix and his girlfriend. They looked very happy and in love - she was gorgeous, petite, dark-haired and looked like sort of a cross between "Amelie" Audrey Tautou and Jennifer Connolly. At one point the lady had gone somewhere and he was sitting alone with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, very Walk The Line. I got a thrill.

· While cruising down Ventura Blvd. in Studio City on Saturday afternoon, I spotted Britney Spears in her fishnet finery leaving Naked Baby Boutique.

· Paris Hilton was tooling around the VIP area at Coachella with Britney Spears' MANNY as her sherpa. She's such a douche. She had him carrying a giant backpack around for her and her idiot posse. On Saturday, she walks up to this 'tour manager' looking person and was all pouty...literally with her bottom lip sticking out and whining to him. Then, he walks off and she follows (again with the idiot posse in tow). WHY was she there?

Also, Tara Reid - hammered and swerving around at 5:30pm on Saturday with everyone trying to get pictures with her. Pretty great.

· 4/28 'round midnight Pam Anderson at The Polo Lounge with a corpulent dude around 40. She was wearing white and boobs. . .and bored enough to check out my shit. . .I think. Maybe not. Also, Brandon Davis, "oozing sweat from every pore as he oiled his way across the floor," as they used to say in My Fair Lady. Really, he seemed aimless and an utter waste of protoplasm.

· My first celebrity sighting in Hollywood -

Around 11:30ish PM on 4/27, chillin' at the Blu Monkey Bar & Lounge for a friend's b-day, when the girlfriend looks over and spots Sandra Oh!, with two unrecognizable, trendy-looking white males, one of who appeared to be a boyfriend. I resisted the urge to run up to her and say "ZOMG, I LUV YOU SO MUCH!!!" like several other people because really, Grey's Anatomy is kinda dumb. But she was good in Sideways.

· /27 Shopping for my first breast pump with my mom at the Santa Monica Pump Station (What do you mean I have to wait for the fore milk to start? What is fore milk?), my mom whispers that John Mayer is looking at baby slings behind me. Of course I think all of my financial troubles are over, since I'm going to snap a picture of him shopping for baby stuff for Jessica Simpson...when I turn around and see that it's Jon Heder of Napoleon Dynamite and Blades of Glory. Seems your hearing goes when you get pregnant, too. Anyway, he was on the phone with his wife asking what color or size or whatever she wanted. Deciding that Us Magazine would not pay me a cent for that picture, I returned my attention to the sales associate explaining why I don't want to mix nipple cream with silicone breast shields.

· Sunday, 4/28, Urth Caffe: Mike Tyson, being openly stared at by the chai latte crowd. While he was there I kept my knees clenched together and my hand wrapped around my rape whistle, just in case. He said goodbye to the people at the neighboring tables when he headed out (with his average-looking, 30ish male pal), and acted friendly enough.

· I caught the 2:20 showing of "Hot Fuzz" this afternoon (4/29) at the Arclight and while standing in the endless concessions line, I spotted Fred Armisen and Paul F. Tompkins. They were with a brunette who looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place her. They went largely unnoticed, except by me who proceeded to nerd out once they were safely out of sight. Both Fred and Paul look like they do on TV, but Paul looked a little old around the eyes. And his shaved head is not cute. Bring back the curls, Paul! I wished I could have seen where they were sitting in the theater, but by the time I got my Dibs and got to my seat, the lights were out and the previews had started. I hope they liked the movie as much as I did.

· After a dozen trips to so cal, I finally had my first sighting. While going to the ticket line for the 4/18 San Diego Padre game, I saw El Cid from OZ, aka awesome character actor Luis Guzman walking into the park with two friends. It seemed like everyone who walked past him would recognize him as someone familiar a few seconds later and do a double take. No one in my group knew who he was so my sighting got me no love until I got home to New Mexico. However how people recognized him doesn't say very much for NM (Me: I saw Luis Guzman at the Padre game. Them: Who? Me: He was in Boogie Nights, Anger Management, Carlito's Way, OZ, etc. Them: Who?? Me: He was Lloyd's dad in Dumb and Dumber II. Them: OHHHH! HIM! WOW!).

· Friday night I dined, albeit from across the room, with Ashlee Simpson and her Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz at the Hamlet on Sunset. No more man makeup please.

· Spotted model/actress/clothing designer/singer Milla Jovovich in the Target at Santa Monica & La Brea (or as we like to call that locale, Tar-Gay) late Sunday (yesterday) afternoon. Very tall. No make-up. Great bone structure. She was hanging out with a little, blonde-haired girl, and they looked like they might be buying toys. Milla was wearing a long-sleeved, peach colored, cotton top and low-rise jeans that nicely accentuated the bump on her belly. I was convinced she was pregnant, but my b/f and friend disagreed.

· Big weekend for celebrity car sightings:

Friday 4/27 11pm - I was sitting outside MILK, the new dessert place on Beverly Bl, and saw Richard Schiff and the stripperific Sheila Kelley idling at a stop sign and looking longingly at our brownie sundae while they waited to turn right in their white BMW 7 series.

Saturday 4/28 3pm - sat next to Dr. 90210's Dr. Rey at a light on Santa Monica Blvd and Lincoln. He was driving a black 911 with a Harvard license plate holder and some sort of martial arts bumper sticker (seriously, who puts a bumper sticker on that car?). Couldn't tell if he was neglecting his wife, per the usual.

· This Sunday (4/29) saw Robbie Williams hiking in Runyon with some dude. Robbie looked hot but is definitely getting old; he had a full head of salt & pepper hair and all. My friend and I were still pretty stoked to spot him though.

· Sun. 4/28, 8pm, waited behind Amy Smart for the bathroom at Coachella. Tall, skinny and tan, braless, wearing a cotton jumper so loose it afforded all in the vicinity a healthy portion of sideboob with a frequent helping of pert nipple.

· Sunday 4/29 - saw Shannyn Sossamon walking down main street, Santa Monica. Looked amazing without an ounce of make up on. My friend couldn't get over the fact that she just passed someone who got to make out with Josh Hartnett and filed the sighting away to report back to her peeps in Indy.

Sunday 4/29 - eating at Enterprise Fish Company in Santa Monica and saw Treat Williams leaving the restaurant. Could hardly wait for him to exit so I could call my mother and tell her I saw the dad from Everwood. She promplty reminded me that he was also on Brothers & Sisters this season!

· Flash! The guy who played Michael J. Fox's coach in Teen Wolf (Jay Tarses) was getting on a plane at LAX last Friday, 4/27. Now that I have your attention, so was Shane West, carefully riding the recognize me-no don't line, not wearing sunglasses in the Starbucks just inside the Southwest/USAir terminal, but rolling with a posse of lessers and talking a little too loud in his vaguely gravelly wannabe growl before 'glassing up for the gates area.

So far more people seem to know Coach Finstock.

· On 4/25, around 10AM, at Crunch while suffering through my weekly session with my trainer, noticed Amaury Nolasco (Sucre on Prison Break.) White wife beater, dark blue shorts, jumping rope. Surprisingly cut and hot in person. I'd drop the soap in his shower any time.

· I spent many years of my young life listening to Little Earthquakes, and other Tori Amos albums. Imagine my delight when I was at Shutters this afternoon (Sunday) for a little lunch, and I her having some tea (and I assume some lunch...), and wearing a camo cap and a grey t-shirt (American Apparel?). She has no boobs at all.

· Saw Rider Strong (of "Boy Meets World") fame at the Hollywood YMCA in the afternoon on Monday, April 30. That boy is all grown up and looks mighty fine. Great body, looks good with a moustache/beard combination.

· Apparently Rumer Willis Moore Kutcher (who is much prettier in person, but still very pointy chinned) works at the Marc Jacobs on Melrose. I've seen her there twice now looking appropriately hip & disheveled like the rest of the employees. When I saw her last month she was hanging out behind the counter not paying much attention to customers and again today she was behind the counter still oblivious to helping anyone. If she doesn't work there, she doing a great job pretending. Ah, the things rich people will do to get free clothes.

Special SFO Lloyd Edition:

· 4/29/2007: Saw Rex Lee (Lloyd!!!!) in the San Francisco International Airport security line. Since I'm not an LA-type, I did the fawning "you are great in your show!" He graciously said thanks. Saw him pose for pictures for others in the line. I thought about taking a picture of him in line as proof and send to my husband, but I thought I might get attacked by airport security if I took a picture of the security area!

One on-set source said Wilson is often hung over and late to the set, and when he does show, insists on bragging about "all the girls he hooked up with over the weekend and how drunk he got."

The blond funnyman with the distinctive nose is also making diva-like demands. "He doesn't want anyone on the set in his line of sight except the director," said another spy - and that includes his leading lady Beckinsale. Wilson is "outwardly rude and awful to Kate," the second source said. He often doesn't show up for "reversal" shots, where he is off-camera but needs to be there for Beckinsale to relate to when she speaks. Instead, he sends a stand-in. "He is a total diva," the second spy said.

But a Wilson pal disputes that account: "That is baloney. Luke is way too conscientious and uptight to ever be late. He is a consummate professional."

The situation became so tense last week that when it came time for Wilson to shoot his reversals, Beckinsale is said to have sent out a picture of herself with a note that read, "Read your lines to this - it will be better for both of us."

Of course, the relevant publicists and producers deny any strife between the pair, but if there's any truth to the rumor, maybe the misidentification of Luke as "the blond funnyman with the distinctive nose" (clearly, the Stallion's qualities) in the item is illustrative of the larger problem of constantly being eclipsed by his brother's majestic shadow. It's not hard to imagine a scenario in which Wilson and Beckinsale's relationship soured because he showed up to set one day, and just as he began to relate the tale of his latest sexual conquest, was deflated by his co-star's exclamation of, "Oh! I read about that! You broke up Kate Hudson's marriage!" instantly destroying any tenuous professional trust the two had previously established.

• Star Squabble's A Real Thriller [Page Six]

BEST MOVIE
A Scanner Darkly
Brick
Haven
Half Nelson
London
Stoned

BEST TV SHOW
Best Week Ever
Chappelle's Show: The Lost Episodes
Entourage
Family Guy
Saturday Night Live
Weeds

It's important to point out that the guidelines provide a very inclusive definition of the word "high"—Half Nelson is about a crack addict, while Brick is a movie about smack—and so the nominees should be regarded as more of a gateway list to the narrative potential of all drug use. We look forward to the ceremony Oct. 24, when some are predicting Jerry "Turtle" Ferrara will take to the stage to accept the award on behalf of the entire Entourage gang, thanking "God, my agents, Lord Bongsworthy, and Clarence, the set drug dealer, who's always just a page away. Love you, man."

• 'Entourage', Sandler Movie Favorites For Pot-Head Awards [CelebrityWeek.com]

In today's jam-packed episode: Owen Wilson; Luke Wilson and Johnny Knoxville; Julia Roberts, Jason Biggs, Virginia Madsen, Peter Farrelly, Jessica Biel and Garry Shandling; Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols; Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed; Chris Rock; Jerry Bruckheimer and Steven Weber; Keira Knightley; Ray Romano, Ed Harris, Brian Bosworth, Rick Schroeder and Dorothy Lucey; Lindsay Lohan; Brain Grazer; Zach Braff; Daryl Hannah; Sharon Stone, Laurence Fishburne, Angela Basett, Danny Glover, and D.L. Hughley; Jeremy Piven; Mattew Perry; Mischa Barton; Melissa McCarthy; Larry Flynt; Ryan Gosling; Amy Adams; Anne Ramsey; Anna Paquin; Cherry Jones; Hank Azaria; Adrian Grenier and Kevin Connelly; Sandra Oh; Mo Gaffney; Giovanni Ribisi; Mark Harmon; Lance Armstrong; Christina Applegate; Natasha Lyonne; Carla Gugino; Mr. T; Corbin Bernsen; Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Rusler; Janice Dickinson; Chad Allen; Kevin Richardson and Michael Lerner.

· Monday 9/4 (Labor Day), saw the Butterscotch Stallion himself, Owen Wilson, leaving the Los Angeles County Museum with a nonfamous male friend. Don't know if they had come to enjoy the final day of the great exhibit of David Hockney portraits, but they both had big white shopping bags from the Museum Store. People in the museum courtyard were all agog — "Dude! I just saw Owen Wilson!" "No way!" "Totally, I did!" It was quite the exciting sighting, especially considering the wholesome and upliftingly educational venue. You stay classy, Owen!

· On Saturday night we were at Barney's Beanery celebrating my sister's birthday and we spotted Luke Wilson and Johnny Knoxville. They came separately, but ended up sharing a booth near us. It seemed like such an odd pairing (can't Luke do better than that?), we wondered if they had even intended to meet there, or if it was a coincidence and they thought, "Well, hey, we're both famous, so we might as well hang out."

· Dave Matthews Band show @ the Hollywood Bowl on Monday night - Jason Biggs hooking up 6-8 friends with tix and passes; Virginia Madsen cutting a rug (and looking great!) in one of the upper Garden Boxes; Peter Farrelly in another Garden Box; Julia Roberts, to whom Dave Matthews dedicated their song "Dream Girl" (she's in the music video); Jessica Biel; and Garry Shandling looking very bored and unimpressed.

· Out for a romantic dinner at Jar last night, spied dreamy-eyed boat of dreamboat dreams Jake Gyllenhaal dining with Official Jake Gyllenhaal BFF Austin Nichols. Couldn't see what Jake was eating, even through my finest set of opera glasses, but he sat slumped enough in his seat that I momentarily suspected he was being served his meal from unde the table. I wanted to walk by and casually ask him if he ever suffers morning sickness from sympathetic sibling pregnancy, but I didn't.

· Sunday night at the Sherman Oaks Galleria we were sitting at a round table in front of Tower Records waiting for our table at Cheesecake Factory when Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed strolled by. I noticed her first, mainly because I was pointing out women who have had work done to my boyfriend's mom as we people-watched, and was getting ready to discreetly point out this woman. Then I saw her companion was Gene Simmons and did the math. He looked just like he does in that billboard with his family, and she obviously looked a little worked-over. They headed into the movie theater area, and we couldn't follow because our table was ready and that was way more important.

Saw Chris Rock on August 27th with his family at Six Flags. They entered into the Riddler through a secret door and cut in front of us and into the first row seats, which meant we had to wait for the next train. Bastards. We saw them walking around after with a female security guard to protect them. He is short-ish and skinny, but that's what I expected.

· 9/1 around 6:30pm, I saw Gene Simmons waiting for traffic to clear to pull his humongous black Lincoln Navigator out of a mini-mall parking lot and onto Laurel Canyon Blvd. He wasn't doing anything outrageous, so I briefly considered taking actions to try to provoke him into sticking his legendary tongue out at me.

· Thursday 8/24 at Katsuya in Brentwood... Jerry Bruckheimer and Steven Weber (not together). Steven Weber is the blue eyed guy from "Wings" due to be on Studio 60 on Sunset. He was there with his wife.

· Keira Knightley (8-31), spotted at the Jane Doe's gig last night in Santa Monica, at O'Brien's - place was packed.

· Went to the Malibu Labor Day Carnival @ the country mart on Friday night - aka "the locals night" - with some friends from out of town & saw a smorgasbord of stars.

First spotting was fit & baseball capped "Right Stuff" star Ed Harris hanging by The Tornado. At the polar opposite end of the star galaxy was former football bust "The Boz" - Brian Bosworth, followed by "Silver Spoons/NYPD Blue" actor Rick "Don't Call Me Ricky" Schroeder, who incidentally lost to his buddy @ the Water Pistol/Balloon Pop thingamajiggy. "Good Day LA's" Dorothy Lucey, actually hotter looking in person, was chillin' by the Ferris Wheel with what looked like friends/family - and the topper, "Everybody Loves Raymond Star, Ray Romano - who won a giant stuffed dog @ one of the booths & celebrated by holding it aloft & screaming "I won" for all to see/hear.

· Sunday, Aug 27th, 1:40pm, COOGIES in Malibu: LINDSAY LOHAN and boy toy, a scruffy looking Harry Morton strolled in. When told they'd have to wait ten minutes for a table just like REGULAR folks, they left and got in a huge black Escalade. No paparazzi around but one guy leaned out his car window and snapped a phone camera. Ten minutes later they were back and seated outside. Me and my friends weren't that impressed. She was wearing great sixties hippie suede boots (but Hello it was like 90 degrees out) and a beach coverup type dress. She's skinny and freckley and was on the phone the entire time she there, but I was happy to see she was nice to the little kids who recognized her and went up to her table. No one else really cared, after all this is Malibu...if it aint Brangelina why bother?

· Saw Brian Grazer at Coogi's in Malibu. Seems nice, though he did walk as if he was waiting to be swamped by people. Was having lunch with a normal older couple and a teenage boy. Hugged them and seemed very warm and happy.

· Saw Zach Braff driving down La Cienega in a BIG jeep. He pulled up next to me and was very cute.

· Daryl Hannah fireside at Burning Man Saturday night. yep, it was her.

· Tuesday night, I was invited to a preview performance of August Wilson's "Fences" at the Pasadena Playhouse (with Laurence Fishburne and Angela Basset in the leads...I guess they really are doomed to portraying nothing but disfunctional/abusive/fucked up couples when they share the stage). It was a fundraiser, so what does that mean? Celebrities, baby!

While scarfing down some free panini (a little melted and greasy, but still free), a limo pulls up. My friend who got me the tickets said Beyonce was supposed to show up, but it turned out to be Danny Glover, who later introduced the play. And as much as it pains me to use that gawdawful cliche, he really did look too old for that shit.

During intermission, I was standing in the booze line when a small
blonde woman walked by. Turned out to be Sharon Stone, who looked nothing like the screen but still projected that intense I'm-going-to-ride -you-then- repeadedly-jab-an-icepick-into-your-heart vibe. Looked good, though. If she's had work done, it was worth the cost 'cause it didn't show.

And while the program listed several Honorary Hosts like Samuel L.
Jackson ("Get this muthafuckin' drama about the African-American
experience off my muthafuckin' stage!"), I had to settle for D.L. Hughley, who was dapper in a snap brim hat, but short.

The play, by the way, rocked. Though I did think about Ike and Tina
just a little bit.

· Walking down South Santa Monica Blvd in BH. A Range Rover stops and parks in the red zone, puts its flashers on, causing the Lexus behind to hit the horn really hard and jaunt around it. From the Rover out pops Ari Gold himself, Jeremy Piven, in a plain white t-shirt. He casually jogs up to the cigar store, tugs on the door, looks to the big sign that reads "open at 4 pm" and then pretending not to be noticed, jogs right back into his Range Rover, flashers still on. Nothing says Emmy winner like double-parking.

· Matthew Perry was buying Calvin Klein underwear and socks at a clothing store at the Malibu Country Mart on Sunday, Sept. 3rd. On the same day, Mischa Barton was there at the Mart.

On Monday, I saw Melissa McCarthy who plays "Sookie St James" at Universal appliance store on Laurel Canyon and Ventura in Studio City.

· Saw the hustler himself, Larry Flynt, on Main Street in Santa Monica pimpin' the gold plated wheelchair on Sunday. Looked like he was waiting for a table for brunch. In addition to being plump and pasty, Larry looked pretty out of it - a blank gaze and his mouth half open. His bodyguard, on the other hand, was smokin'! He can guard my body anytime....

· Long time reader, first time contributor here. All three sightings occured downtown. Who knew? : First we saw Anne Ramsey entering a theatre production of a no name show. She looked like she did on "The L Word" -small and disheveled. After a semi-lame art thing in an artist commune (gag), we ended up at Pete's - a semi hip downtown place that takes itself a little too seriously. Good food though. While sitting out on the patio I spied a familiar looking red head inside. Turns out it's Amy Adams. She was petite and cute. However, looked normal, you know, like your college roommate or something. She wore a horrible long, potato sack type dress. As our meal wore on, a scruffy Ryan Gosling walked by us on the sidewalk. He was greasy, and had a full beard. Totally caught me staring at him. I was surprised to see the star power where bums regularly pee in the street.

· Thursday, 8/24. Anna Paquin at a table at the Abbey with a strange mix of folks — a couple fellow skinny, white little twelve-year-olds and several early-30's-looking lesbians. Who knows what that's about, but Anna looked tiny and adorable.

Saturday, 8/26. Girlfriends Cherry Jones and Sarah Paulson walking hand-in-hand, leaving brunch at Lulu's Cafe on Beverly. Dressed down in workout wear, hats and sunglasses. Had to go in for a second look for confirm — Cherry is in great shape and they don't look mismatched age-wise at first viewing. Seem sweet together.

· 9/2 on Beverly Blvd going west past the Beverly Center about 3pm; 8/26 going west on Whittier crossing Wilshire into the Beverly Hilton about 4:30pm: Hank Azaria, still in his Aston-Martin, still on the phone, still with the spiky 'do, still going about 12 mph. The man will be dead by spring of either A) skin cancer B) RAZR-shaped brain tumor or C) attack by someone in a old hooptie incensed that he won't let that poor car hit third gear...

· Ran across the street to the Regent Beverly Wilshire to get $5.00 gum and ran into Adrian Grenier and Kevin Connelly filming Entourage. Adrian was in his typical Vincent Chase ensemble - jeans, t-shirt and button down combo and Kevin was in Eric the manager mode wearing a suit. Adrian had tons of fans coming up to him telling them how much they loved the show while he was on the telephone. HE WAS VERY POLITE AND WAS ACKNOWLEDGING EVERYONE EVEN THOUGH HE WAS ON THE PHONE. Kevin on the other hand was busy on his Sidekick (perhaps to Nikki????) smoking a cigarette while sitting on a luggage cart being completely passed over by everyone. Could be that when you are short and sitting down everyone misses you or that everyone was so taken back by Adrian's blue eyes.

Didn't see the rest of the posse - could have been inside with the extras hanging out.

· Sunday 08.27, 4:30 pm @ The Grove: while having a late lunch at The Farm, saw a familiar looking guy with big hair and a grey suit stolling past, and realized that it was Adrian Grenier. No Drama, no Turtle...no entourage at all in fact, just hangin' solo. Weird thing is, no one walking by seemed to notice. Maybe they were pissed that he fired Ari.

· Stopped at a light at Santa Monica and Rodeo 8/30 at 8 a.m. and saw Adrian Grenier idling next to me, yawning and blinking awake. He was in a silver Prius that looked like Johnny Drama had taken a golf club to it — not a full-on crusher, just way more dents and dings than your average TV star would seem likely to tolerate. And he drives himself! Guess Entourage isn't so true to life after all.

Sunday 9/3 - Saw Sandra Oh with typical Los Angeles hipster guy at the LA County Museum of Art. She was taking in the last days of the David Hockney exhibit but was going through it backwards. She looked lovely without a trace of makeup on. Her presence was also detected by the closest filipino museum guard, who raised an eyebrow when she passed. Coincedentally, the last time I saw her at LACMA she was there with now-ex Alexander Payne. She looked happier this time! oh yeah, i saw Mo Gaffney (probably me and my three friends would recognize her, it took me awhile to figure it out - "Marshall's wife" on AbFab) at my Gelson's in Studio City yesterday

· I was having breakfast at the Alcove on Hillhurst at around 9.00AM today (Monday, September 4) and spotted Giovanni Ribisi with his daughter enjoying their grub. He didn't look like I'm used to seeing him in films; instead he was very, very trim, sported close-cropped hair, and looked generally normal. Hooray for Scientologists!

· At the John Fogerty concert at the Greek in LA on Saturday, September 2nd. My girlfriend and I were standing at the south entrance when who should walk by, none other than the 1980's sexiest man alive Mark Harmon. He was with a group of everday joe's (all 45-55 yr. old males) that look like they could by anyone's neighbor. My only regret is that I did not have the time to ask him about that long rumored sequel to Summer School

· I just got home from the AMAZING acoustic Foo Fighters show at the Pantages and am actually remembering (for once) to email you guys my sighting. My friends and I walked into the theater lobby half way through Frank Black's opening set and, as we stared at the band merch they had for sale, we were shocked to see Lance Armstrong hanging out by the little bar cart in the middle of the lobby with all us common people. I kept checking, hoping that he'd snap his fingers and either Matthew McConaughey or Jake Gyllenhaal would magically appear by his side but no such luck. He was just with a unfamiliar but cute girl.

· Saw Christina Applegate at "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" at the Pantages, evening performance, 8/27. She looked cute - newsboy hat, all black outfit, boots, funky bag, that darling pointy nose - and was enjoying an intermission smoke with a gal pal and a guy with nice arm tats. What made this sighting xtra perverse was the huge posters at the Pantages advertising the upcoming stop of the road production of "Sweet Charity" starring...wait for it...so wrong...Molly Ringwald. Wonder how Kelly Bundy feels about Samantha Baker/Claire Standish/Andi Walsh doing her Broadway role.

· Sunday night. Coral Beach Cantina, PCH just south of Zuma. Pull up behind a large SUV, from which a pair of skinny jeans and hideous snakeskin boots was emerging. Stepped up the pace so as to beat said skinny jeans, snakeskin boots wearing individual to the sign-in sheet. Turned around to see it was none other than Natasha Lyonne, who proceeded to join a group of friends at a nearby table. She spent the rest of the night engaged in classic celebrity don't look at me/pay attention to me behavior - wearing sunglasses at night while endlessly chasing the restaurant staff around (more chairs, more heat lamps, more drinks, etc.). I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out of she's preggers. She was wearing a black a-line halter top, which practically screamed "bump", but I couldn't get a decent angle. She was smoking like a fiend all night long, so I hope not.

· Sunday, Sept. 3- Leaving the 5:00pm screening of The Illusionist (the movie's greatest trick: making two hours of my life disappear into thin air) at the Arclight. Saw Carla Gugino standing at the upstairs consession counter with some tall, scruffy looking guy. Alas, she wasn't wearing her outfit (or lack thereof) from Sin City, but she still looked smokin in a black dress and a leather coat.

Sighting today Wee-Man (Jason Pontius) and chris pontius reading ok! magazine on my american airlines flight to nyc. And chris meloni also on my american flight 2day

The Palm, Wednesday 8/30: I was late to dinner so I was too frazzled to notice, but my dining companions pointed out Mr. T having dinner with a small group at a table near ours. He had an American flag bandanna on his head, and our waiter informed us that he is one of the world's nicest guys. After dinner, outside at the valet stand, we were delighted to get an up-close-and-personal show of an effusive T hugging and kissing his dining companions good-bye, and then thanking the valet with a booming "Shalom, brother!" before folding himself into a silver Mercedes two-seater. Shalom, T!

·...as if living in the valley isn't enough like an episode of the surreal life already, after my tom everett/laura/monica trifecta this weekend, i start off the week with a bang. i'm calmly getting my mani-pedi at studio city spa when who walks in and requests the same, but *corbin bernson*! so glad to see "psych" is paying enough for his pampering.

· Talk about a B-list sighting: Saw Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Rusler (Weird Science reunion tour?) smoking (not tobacco) around the corner from the Laugh Factory on Sunset about 2 am Friday night trying desperately to be recognized. AMH was with some tall blond model-type who looked understandably bored; RR was with some metrosexual who didn't. No Downey sighting to report unfortunately...

· Saw Janice Dickinson this morning at Equinox on Sunet at about 8:30am. She was sitting on one of the mats talking with 2 people. I didnt recognize her at first because she had no make-up on (shocking) but then she started talking and you can't mistake that super loud over the top voice. I was surprised at how good she looked without her usual clown make-up on.

· I saw Chad Allen at Cinespia (Chinatown) this last weekend. It's funny to see him so OUT and about, espically with his mafia in toe. Sportin a Mohawk and all. Bitch is totally queered out now. A far cry from his Jane Stewart years, he still must be reeling from the enquirer pics.

· Spotted Chad Allen sporting a mohawk and looking good at the cemetery screening of "Chinatown" at Hollywood Forever on Saturday (8/26).

· I have no idea if this sighting will have any degree of importance to add to the "sightings round-up" you do, but on Sunday evening, about 9:30, Backstreet Boy Kevin Richardson and his wife were shopping at Gelsons at Kings and Santa Monica. I knew I recognized the guy from somewhere — but as I was not a huge Backstreet fan I had to Google some webpages when I got home to confirm it was him. He was in sweats, very low key and had a gray "Mushmouth"-like hat on.

· just ran into character actor michael lerner at the pavilions in west hollywood. the rotund mediocrity, who had a cart filled to the brim, was roaming the check-out aisles complaining to all the checkers that there were 4 express lines open and not enough regular ones. this did not deter him from finally emptying his, at least 40 items, onto the conveyor belt of an express lane, while a senior citizen waited calmly in line behind him. what an ass!

In this week's episode: Luke Wilson; Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones; Heath Ledger; Jake Gyllenhaal; Salma Hayek; Kate Beckinsale; Kiefer Sutherland; Jessica Simpson; Stephen Dorff and Lisa Rinna; Cindy Crawford; Steve Martin; Jenny McCarthy; Chloe Sevigny; Nicollette Sheridan; Traci Lords; Jason Lee; David Schwimmer and Cheech Marin; Eric Roberts; Joey Slotnick; Steven Page and Dax Shepherd; Master P. and Danny Bonaduce.

· sighting on saturday afternoon 6/17... luke wilson and his girlfriend politely cutting in line in front of us at neptune's net in malibu. it appeared to be a quick pit stop to pick up two cans of bud light. they got the two cans and walked out the restaurant. a minute later luke walked back in and asked the bus boy if he had seen his 'girlfriend' and is describing her physical appearance when she pops up behind him (she was apparently using the icky port-a-potty bathroom facilities at neptune's net that not even i could bear). the two immediately hopped into his porche and drove away, bud light in tow. not sure if the two cans were for the road or for a romantic light domestic toast on the beach.

· i had lunch at la piazza at the grove in los angeles on saturday june 17 around noon. sitting directly behind me? michael douglas and catherine zeta-jones plus their two kids. I did not turn around to gawk, but did hear them talking from time to time. a friend at my table said that catherine stepped away to take a call at one point and left michael with the kids. they had a time trying to get the kids to eat and apparently michael put one of the kids on his lap and tried to get the kid to eat some pizza. i only saw them as they exited the restaurant. michael was wearing a purple polo shirt, khakis, sunglasses and had the beginnings of a beard. He carried one of their children out of the restaurant. catherine was low-key in a tank top, long flowing skirt... had her hair pulled back in a bun, no make-up that i could tell, and sunglasses. i probably would not have recognized them if i'd seen them somewhere else. our service was a little slow since most of the servers were dividing their time between gawking at the aforementioned family and the world cup match on the television upstairs. they were the only celebs I spotted while in LA, but hey, at least they were A-list!

· Saw Heath Ledger at the West Hollywood Pavillions on his way out, thanking someone for a compliment he had obviously received. Not as short as I had expected, maybe 5' 10", with an absolutely flawless golden complexion, blond hair and a "I'm really a nice guy, but please don't recognize me" sort of look on him (Unlike the patented Piven "You're a nobody, don't look at me" thing).

· Sunday June 18: Saw Jake Gyllenhaal at the weekly Hollywood Farmers Market at Selma and Ivar. He was being stalked by two overweight photographers with telephoto lenses. He turned tail and ran when he saw them.

· I grabbed a glass of wine by the bar at Café Stella in Silver Lake Wednesday night (6-21), where about half the time, you'll spot someone famous. That night, it was Salma Hayek at a corner table, in the midst of an intense discussion with her three male companions. About what, who knows—life, love, art, monobrows—at least that's what I imagine Salma Hayek talks about.

· Kate Beckinsale getting back to her British roots at the Kings Head pub in Santa Monica on Saturday. Weren't there rumblings her and hubbie Len Wiseman were on the rocks? She looked pretty happy hanging with him, her daughter and some random and I don't think she's a good enough actress to have been faking it...

· I saw Kiefer Sutherland & a lady friend yesterday (6/18) at the Mayfair Market at Franklin & Bronson. He was on the deli aisle when I came in & still there when I left 15 minutes later.

· Tuesday - Jessica Simpson walking in Beverly Hills. Flat, pancake butt. At T-Mobile party that night, magically had round, pronounced butt. She must wear "butt pads/silicone butt inserts" as worn in Daisy Dukes in Dukes of Hazzard.

She and two sycophantic girl friends at The Griddle on Sunset. Small frame, giant head and MASSIVE BOOBS, each one bigger than her already large head. I don't know what they were talking about at the table, but for someone with a reputation for being dumb, Jessica seemed able to keep up with the entire conversation.

· Lisa Rinna from Dancing with the Stars and friend having dinner at Nobu in Malibu on Wednesday 6/14, across from them at another table was Stephen Dorff with older random people eating as well.

· Wilshire, just east of Robertson. A BLS BMW 7-Series idles in front of slightly-vampiric skin guru Christina Radu's office (I've seen that woman up close and it looks likes she drinks blood, and it looks like its good for her skin). A tall woman of a certain age steps from the door and toward the car, Greek fishing hat, low rider jeans, small t-shirt. The face looks familiar, pretty, no make-up and has that reddish "I've just been worked over" swelling and flush. It takes a minute, and then its "that's Cindy Crawford." Wow, she looks pretty good for post-facial, no make-up, broad daylight. Into the car and off she goes. Maybe to get ready for the Playboy party she never got
into at her husband's bar...

· Was at Franklin Canyon reservoir and who should drive up but Steve Martin! He looked plain as can be in a white Lexus. I must have looked ridiculous openly staring at him but what can you do, it's STEVE MARTIN! He was ready to go mountain biking apparently. Looked good for his age. He smiled nicely at my irritating stare — and as I walked away I could hear people shouting "Steve Martin! We love you!" His small car was quite different from the usual big black shiny Merc. His head is really big.

Saw Jenny McCarthy at the Whole Foods on Riverside. She had her sunglasses on, no makeup, with her tyke in the shopping cart. This was before the Jim Carrey tongue pics. She looked hot, even with no makeup and sweats. Not the greatest skin, however. Cute kid.

· Leaving the Pet Store in Victor's Square (Bronson and Franklin) at about 4PM Sunday and spot Chloe Sevigny walking into the local dry cleaner. She's wearing a very "Chloe" outfit - gray 80s, asymmetrical lycra top a la Danskin with bold graphic black and white striped mid thigh shorts. No make-up. Showing bold nipples on small low slung breasts. She leaves the dry cleaner and gets into a green Land Rover Discovery, a very "Darian, Connecticut" car. Not a hybrid, not really "bling." Hmmm,

· I was driving home up in the Hills of Beachwood, lamenting (property values aside) what the rise of Hollywood and Vine has done to the neighborhood (making it into what Sunset Plaza was in the mid-90s), and noticed a purple (!) Lamborghini Gallardo parked two doors down. I make a mental note that this is really proving my point. As I get closer, I see that the entire right side is smashed, one end to another. Closer still, I see a front plate made of duct tape and custom H.I.M logos painted on the car and go "fuck, its that Bam Margera loser, hope he's just visiting..." Over the next two days, I see the car three more times in the 'hood. Not a good sign. As Johnny Knoxville lives about a mile up, it sadly makes sense that BAM might be living here now... Ugh!

· Monday, June 18 Nicollette Sheridan and friends munching from a brown box of Cmpartes Cocolates next door on the patio of Srtino restaurant in Bentwood.

· 6/20 Traci Lords at Sport Chalet in the Beverly Connection. She was sort of hiding as I complained to them for not letting me make a $5 purchase with my AmEx and only a xerox of my driver's license. She was very conservatively dressed.

· 6/16, around 6:30pm, was driving west on Sunset Blvd. to get to the Arclight. We were driving behind a nice, shiny new Porsche. My girlfriend noticed it, and said it looked like a spy car. As we switched to the left turn lane, we passed next to it and peeked at the driver. It was Jason Lee (My Name Is Earl), with a neatly trimmed beard, looking a little better in person than on the show.

· Spotted both David Schwimmer and Cheech Marin on AA 1364 from LAX to Chicago Thursday 6/8. Schwim was inconspicuous in an electric blue track jacket and Cheech rocked the aviator sunglasses while reading US Weekly. They sat in the same row (5) but not next to each other. David also had to go to the bathroom frequently.

· Saw Eric Roberts walking towards the bike path in the Palisades on Sunday, coming from one of those all exclusive lunch places. Had to tone down the boyfriend when he said, "Oh, is he related to Julia Roberts??" and I said, "Sssh, he might here you." He looks great though. Purple trunks, nice bod and seemed pretty chill.

· Saw JOEY SLOTNICK walking down Larchmont this morning, Thursday June 22. He was carrying a coffee, bottle of water, and a newspaper. That's pretty much all I have to report. Except to say, if you have friends or relatives in from out of town and they really want to see a "star", take them to Larchmont in the mornings, especially weekends. Hang around the Starbucks/Sam's Bagel/Coffee Bean vicinity and you're virtually guaranteed a B or C level celebrity sighting of the Joey Slotnick variety.

· Tuesday June 20 around 12:30pm-

Steven Page, the lead singer of Barenaked Ladies eating lunch with a pal at Mel's Diner on Sunset Blvd.

Tuesday June 20 around 12:45pm-

Dax Shepherd, sporting a terrible looking mohawk (which hopefully is for a movie role) and a pal eating lunch at Mel's Diner on Sunset Blvd.

· I saw Master P., with large entourage in tow, at the Bed Bath and Beyond in West LA on Sunday 6/18. I was dying to see what totally mundane, normal thing he brought 15 people with him to buy ("Come on, dogs, get in the Escalade. I need a panini press, yo.") but we were left before I could see. He's really tall and his feet are size of canoes. No wonder he sucked on that dancing show.

· Saturday 2pm - Danny Bonaduce on his Harley at the corner of Franklin & Argyle. The people in the car next to him rolled down their window to say something complimentary. He said thanks and gave them a big smile before pulling away.

• Bloated Stars: Vince, Luke & Leo [ABCNews.com]

• 'Old School' actor Cranshaw dies at 86 [USA Today/AP]
• Patrick Cranshaw [IMDb]

On Friday night, our spy reports Wilson hooked up with Knoxville at the Meatpacking District's Hog Pit barbecue, where they both "seemed completely out of their minds." Says the source: "On Johnny's way out, he flipped out on a guy who called him a peach and threw the guy into a table, which broke in two. He then hit himself in his own head, as if trying to sober himself up." Sunday afternoon, the duo hit cocktail hour a tad early at Milady's Bar in SoHo, where they blended right in. Shades-wearing Knoxville and puffy-looking Wilson shot pool and kept the drinks coming until Knoxville cut out with a short blond woman. Wilson, who's filming "Super Ex-Girlfriend" in New York with Uma Thurman, looked as if "someone had slipped him a Mickey" and was "mumbling his words" as he chatted with a slinky, raven-haired "rocker chick." After the woman left, Wilson wandered out onto Thompson Street but was ushered back in by the bartender for forgetting to pay his tab. The typically unfazed blue-collar crowd finally took notice and camera flashes popped. Wilson made haste from the bar with an unknown couple.

Let that be a lesson to all inclined to refer to The Ringer star Knoxville as a refreshing piece of fruit: retribution will come swiftly and mercilessly in the form of a Three Stooges routine. As for the formerly svelte, non-Butterscotch flavored Wilson, we would almost dismiss these claims of his recent puffing had it not been for a recent Go Fug Yourself post placing him squarely at an almost-time-for-fat-panic "blue alert" on their Bloat Watch Terror Level Chart.

• JOHNNY, LUKE IN DIVE CRAWL [NY Post]
• Celebrity Bloat Watch: Luke Wilson [Go Fug Yourself]

In other Butterscotch Stallion news: Fox 411 invokes the sacred nickname and discusses Wilson's possible relationship with 20-year-old Nicole Shabtai, a high-profile Duke co-ed who's been lingering around the stable. We must turn our attention to other matters before we further abuse this extended metaphor and do a disservice to Hollywood's magnificent steed.

• Is Owen Wilson a Cradle 'Crasher'? [Fox 411]
• StallionMania Round-Up: Dreading The Inevitable Gallop Into The Sunset [Defamer]