<![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, lourdes ciccone]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, lourdes ciccone]]> http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/lourdesciccone http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/lourdesciccone <![CDATA[Madonna Takes Needle To Gerard Butler's 'Little Bottom', Only Succeeds In Making Him 'Severely Ill']]> Madonna broke into the public consciousness not because of her vocal talents, but because of her catchy tunes, dance fever, and suggestively nymphomaniac tendencies. But now, the nearly-50-year old has finally morphed into the modern day Britney Spears: she's forcing unwilling male stars to pull down their pants, she's making headlines mainly due to a messy divorce, rumored affairs and plastic surgery rumors. Just as the British tabs begin to accuse the failed director/actress of going under a very sharp knife, it seems as though the exercise addict has used her seduction technique of shooting B-12 shots into hunky acquaintances’ butts. But this time around, unlike the soaring success story that was Justin Timberlake’s energizing vitamin-equipped ass, her second attempt on quasi-ex-husband Guy Ritchie’s newest leading man, Gerard Butler, left the poor man’s Clive Owen “severely ill.” Butler’s tale of Madge’s terrorist attack on his “little bum,” plus the allegations being made about how the extremes the Yankee doodler’s “grueling” beauty regime have affected her oddly sharp cheekbones and “popping veins,” after the jump.

Cameron Diaz' ex and 3000 star Gerard Butler (we keep trying to forget that we first noticed him in Phantom Of The Opera even though every time we see his now-rugged face we can't help picturing him over-earnestly busting out "Music Of The Night") is fortunate enough to be starring in Ritchie's upcoming Rocknrolla, which means he was unfortunate enough to run into Madge at some point during filming. And as we learned months ago, the Ritchie groupie is always equipped with a baggie filled with needles filled to the brim with Lindsay Lohan's favorite "asthma attack" cure, Vitamin B-12. But according to Butler, the normally healthy kick to the ass advertised extensively be Madonna's most fickle supporter/critic Justin Timberlake, "the injection failed to boost Butler's immune system - and left him feeling worse than before."

Even more embarrassing for Madge, Butler describes her as "the nurse" on set. Meaning she's gone from platinum singer to failed director to failed on-set medical assistant. Frankly we don't blame her if she did get some "filler in her cheeks," as a Daily Mail plastic surgery believes. A little nip and tuck, which, in Madonna's case, doesn't look as horrific as the tab makes it out to be, can go a long way in boosting one's self-esteem. Just look at Bat Face victim Nicole Kidman — it's almost like she never looks unhappy, even when she's so bored by her husband's music that she nods out for a while!

[Photo credits: Splash]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5030013&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Three Reasons Why Madonna Will Never Have 'Incredible Sex' With Guy Ritchie Again]]> The seven-year itch has reportedly struck the unusually long and strong union between Madonna and Guy Ritchie, but news of the split isn’t exactly sending anyone into shock. It was only three years ago when Madonna practically divorced her frostylocks husband on television, telling the world in an MTV documentary that she “wanted to end everything,” and that Guy hadn’t lived up to whatever S&M-loving, hotel room-wrecking ideal she’d “imagined him to be.” But we’re not so sure the soft-spoken director of speedy-spoken indie flicks was necessarily the problem child in this couplet. Considering Madonna’s behavior over the past year or so, scented ever so slightly with desperation and Justin Timberlake’s ass cheeks, we came up with three of the most likely reasons we think the love story went sour:

1. The World No Longer Wants Madonna's Sex: As we know by now, Lesbian Chic is the word. And despite her reputation as being so very salacious in the Erotica department, Madonna's on-stage kiss with her female backup dancer two months ago didn't cause much of a ripple in the pop culture universe. All the stunt really did was make Lourdes cry and finally learn what all those ladies were doing crawling in between Mommy's legs in the Ritchies' many life-size portraits hung prominently in each and every house they call home. Marrying Madonna should mean being one half of a super sexy barrier-crossing team — if Madge couldn't even compete with Lindsay Lohan in making lesbianism "cool," what is she doing for his stock?

2. Guy Ritchie Does Not Have Brad Pitt Penis Envy: Just as little Maddox put the nail in Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton's bloody coffin of a relationship, adopting the Ritchies' newest asset David from Malawi was allegedly not such a joyous occasion for Guy. After rumors surfaced that Ritchie wasn't on board, his public denials after the fact didn't do much to help squash the gossip. As he put it, "We don't talk about it. We haven't talked about it for the past six months." And somehow we doubt Guy will be yammering on and on about his legally adopted son David for the foreseeable future either.

3. Madonna Officially Swept Away Guy's Filmmaking Cred: After pulling a Gwyneth in 2006 and "giving up" that whole showbiz career, the Desperately Seeking Susan scene-stealer spent years trying to figure out, Her Madgesty not-so-memorably spread her directing wings for this year's Berlin Film Festival disaster, Filth And Wisdom. And even after THR noted its sole saving grace was assisting audience members with "getting in touch with their inner slut," Madonna just announced last week how much she prefers unloading bombs like these to shimmying around stages. But when you're dating the likes of former BAFTA nominee Ritchie, whose highly stylized gems have managed to make Brad Pitt look funny and indecipherable dialogue feel tolerable, the battle between Guy's talent and Madonna's indestructible ego is enough to make anyone run for the hills. The silver lining? Madge will no longer singlehandedly wreck any more of Ritchie's films by testing out her accents on-screen.

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