Eric Spiegelman put together a great time-lapse video of the fires, set to Grizzly Bear's— and really, what's with all the Grizz these days?—"All We Ask." He also did one of the fires at night. Leave it to Angelinos to make great art out of disaster. Most New Yorkers are fine until something bad happens, after which they mostly curl into the fetal position and go think smart deep thoughts about it for $300 an hour. Send me your citizen's reports and photos, or throw them in the comments. Godspeed these fires away, and please keep the Kogi Truck safe.

Time Lapse Test: Station Fire from Eric Spiegelman on Vimeo.

Feeling bad for the museum, the Hollywood Foreign Press Time Warner Cable (who's teamed up with Ovation TV) have looked within their entertainment-loving hearts and are each donating give the museum $75,000 to keep the 40-year old program alive. And, as if that's not enough, Time Warner and Ovation are spending $1.5 million to market the program to the masses.

For its part, the Hollywood Foreign Press was "persuaded" by an open letter penned by Martin Scorsese.

So, rest easy, for the program's safe — well, for now: museum officials say they have enough money to last through the 2010 fiscal year. After that? Who knows...

Image via pedrosimoes7's flickr.

Former Village Voice columnist Tricia Romano has a piece in Thursday's New York Times profiling the phenomenon created by Ryan Heffington, a "choreographer, performance artist and designer" who has created something called "Sweaty Sundays," a weekly aerobics, errr, dance class held in a performance space in the heart of LA's very own Williamsburg.

Here, members of this creative class - artists, photographers, fashion designers and screenwriters - dance off the previous night's excesses to a soundtrack of indie rock, techno, and 1980s new wave hits. And they do it while looking fabulous in Jane Fonda leg warmers and belted leotards.

"It's kind of an American Apparel ad come to life," said Terence McFarland, 40, the executive director of the Los Angeles Stage Alliance, who is a regular.

On a recent Sunday, Christopher Kreiling, a 33-year-old visual artist, was among the first to arrive. It was his first time, but he already had the look down: a pair of very short white corduroy shorts, a pink-and-white striped tank top and the all-important headband.

"I just had 10 cigarettes and a coffee," he said. "I'm like, ‘O.K., let's go.' "

Heffington says that the class has become so popular with the local idiots that he's added a second Sunday class as well as a weeknight one called "Wet Wednesdays." And don't fret over not being able to participate in the fun yourself if you don't happen to live in the LA area, because there's a DVD coming soon. Yippee!

Now, the real question the article about this hideous trend brings up is what will the Williamsburg hipsters do to top it? Sorry Williamsburg, but your little kickball and tetherball retro-fitness trends don't stand up against this. You all need to step it the hell up! Surely it's the lack of availability of things such as "Sweaty Sundays" that stokes Tricia Romano's smoldering hatred of New York. Win back her dark, jaded heart! Do it for New York!

• The event starts at 10 a.m., L.A. time. Who will be carrying it live? Everybody! Specifically, "All the major networks and a host of cable news and entertainment channels, including CNN, MSNBC, E! Entertainment, TV Guide Network and TV One."
• "More than 1.6 million people registered over the weekend for a chance at one of 17,500 free tickets to the service."
• To make things a little more lively, MJ's dead body will be in attendance! Appearing alongside the corpse: "Mariah Carey, Usher, John Mayer, Jennifer Hudson ­as well as a delegation from Motown, the label that nurtured Mr. Jackson as the child star of the Jackson 5. There are also figures from sports (Magic Johnson, Kobe Bryant), politics (Al Sharpton, Martin Luther King III), movies and television (Brooke Shields) and the church (the Andrae Crouch Choir)."
• The presence of Michael himself is, of course, driving the TV anchors wild with hyperbole. As well as anyone speaking to the TV anchors. Said Ken Sunshine, PR man for the event: "Michael Jackson is the biggest figure emitting love ever." HEH.
• According to vague "experts" and "analysts," one billion people will watch this thing. Christ. Let's hope not.
• And through all of this madness, reporters won't even be given any food that they can't pay for themselves. Or phones! Sounds nice. From the official media advisory:
  

All night last we were giddy with anticipation thinking we'd definitely get an email from the wacky Charmaine Blake. Unfortunately, we did not. But a "dear personal friend" of hers, a Spielberg no less, did take the time to write in to inform us that some unknown evil goblin recognized Charmaine Blake as she was enjoying a tasty dinner last night with John Ratzenberger at Wolfgang Puck's Cut in Beverly Hills, which prompted the hellion to spring into action with a diabolical plot to destroy Charmaine Blake, expertly crafting a press release that just so happens to read exactly like something Charmaine Blake would write, based on what we've seen of her work, and then blasted it out to slew of press contacts that this rogue rascal just so happened to have laying around.

See for yourself:

From: MelissaSpielberg@aol.com
Date: July 1, 2009 2:07:05 PM PDT
To: melissa.spielberg@gmail.com
Subject: Media Alert: Celebrity News Retraction

To Whom if May Concern:

My name is Melissa Spielberg. I am a dear personal friend of Charmaine Blake's. Ms. Blake is very upset about the email that went out about her and John Ratzenberger having dinner last night. Apparently someone witnessed Charmaine Blake and John Ratzenberger having dinner at Wolfgang Puck's "Cut" in Beverly Hills last evening. Unfortunately, word leaked out and someone emailed a tip from a fictitious email address claiming to be Charmain Blake. The email address CharmaineBlakePR@aol.com and ExclusivePRFirm@aol.com do not belong to Charmaine Blake and have no affiliation whatsoever with Charmaine Blake. These emails does not exist and we sincerely apologize to everyone for this most unfortunate miscommunication.

Please be advised, if you received this email yesterday, you were being deceived.

Charmaine Blake and John Ratzenberger are very good friends and I hope everyone will respect their privacy.

Thank you for your kind understanding with this matter.

Sincerely yours,
Melissa Spielberg

Wow! Such are the perils of being "the most famous publicist" we suppose. Charmaine Blake's enemies are powerful and determined and will stop at nothing to destroy her. This is obviously the work of the Godless, child-raping David Letterman.

Charmaine Blake PR [Charmaine Blake PR]
Charmaine Blake's Blog [Charmaine Watch]

The profile details Ellis' move to L.A. and comes in the middle of his writing the "sequel" to his first book, Less Than Zero (which made him a literary superstar at the age of 20), which is tentatively titled Imperial Bedrooms. The article - which isn't avalible online - paints Ellis as kind of sad and living a very existential, somewhat disconnected life. Also, he thinks The Hills is genius. The full quote, transcribed from print:

He is, however-and on this subject, he is highly animated-a huge fan of MTV's scripted reality series of the young and the monied in L.A., THE HILLS. "I think THE HILLS is the greatest show I have ever seen in my life," he says, sincerely. "It is a modern masterpiece. I think that ADAM DeVILLO is a mad genius. He creates it and controls it perfectly." Mr. ELLIS is very specific about the way he watches THE HILLS. "I'm holding off on Season 4 right now. I started watching a bit of it, but I'm waiting until the DVD comes out because I want to see it all so beautifully mastered. Even if you download the show there is that irritating MTV logo in the corner. It doesn't work for me that way. It has to be on a big screen with the sound right up. It blows me away...I'm sorry, but whoever invented HEIDI MONTAG and SPENCER PRATT are just...nothing matches it. I've never see L.A. look more beautiful in a work of art. There are no movies that are as beautiful as that."

This is why I'm never moving to L.A. Just like The City is why you should never move to New York.

He was also, interestingly enough, called out on a social networking site on a date going out ("BRET ELLIS is not a fan of social-networking sites. He has been "caught out" by someone on a dating site, though understandable doesn't care to flesh out that story. He won't try it again.").

Thing is, this makes an interesting point that I've never really considered before. The Hills is the tame, boring drug-less version of Less Than Zero (note to Hills producers: show them doing blow, and I'll watch). A bunch of severely disaffected brats, fucking around with their parents' money, creating an awe-inspiring charade of lives inextricably tied to the celebrity culture of Hollywood. This raises the question: was Less Than Zero the predecessor to The Hills? Do we blame Ellis for Speidi? Is Paul Telegdy off the hook today?

Meanwhile, Fantastic Man, which could be a test-tube baby between Esquire and McSweeny's, is kind of a fascinating product. It's a giant, pretty magazine with nice pages and a strange sense of humor. It costs $11. And it has Bret Easton Ellis on the cover, drinking a Diet Coke. This should tell you what kind of magazine it is: at once both kind of genius and a complete waste of one's time. I love it.

For example, in one issue, there is:

- A 1,000 word essay from the Editor-In-Chief of Interview on waking up with a hangover in Paris.

- A 1,000 word treatise on the greatness that is toast.

- A designation of the word "Super" as their word of the season. This is written on their masthead.

- A selection of single meals art-world people have had recently (one of them: pervy photog Terry Richardson's meal of a vegetarian burrito from Pinche Taqueria in New York. "For dessert, he had a pack of sour Skittles, also very 'yum yum.'").

- And a cover story featuring Bret Easton Ellis with nothing to promote. Did we mention he was drinking a Diet Coke?

A 35-year-old "Entertainment executive in Los Angeles" posted this listing on Barefoot Student, the already creepy-sounded job site for college students.

You are his dynamic, fun personal assistant. What does that entail?

Tasks: errands like drycleaning, corrspondence, reservations and such. Companion to events around town and sometimes out of town, Hostess at parties, social events and private dinner parties. Extra skills such as being bilingual, great hands for massage are a bonus! There is opportunity for travel, as well — work trips to Vegas, New York and Chicago at least once a month.

Non-smoker is preferred, but attractive young woman willing to escort him to Vegas is required!

The last time suspicious packages diverted L.A. traffic, several sock-stuffed NKOTB members were causing quite a frenzy down by the Staples Center. Let's hope this turns out to be equally benign. [EricGarcetti.org]

Boomp3.com

Popular film actress Rosario Dawson appeared to be very excited about unloading some negative energy and loading up on the positive vibes at a Los Angeles loading station. Dawson said, “There’s just so much negativity in the world and thank goodness there’s a place where I can unload and stock up on the good vibes without having to go San Pedro.”

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Too Posh For La La Land [The Guardian]

The always fun at parties Eve was arrested for suspicion of a DUI after she crashed her gold Maserati on Hollywood Boulevard early this morning. According to the always on the scene TMZ, "she hit the center divider, totaling the front of her car." Right after the accident, cops arrived to drop handcuffs onto her wrists and hauled her off to the local clink as you can see in the video from the always-celeb-gawkin' site. The best part is when Eve was sprung early this morning she was picked up by — yup, you guessed it — another Maserati. What — did she get some sort of a "buy a Quattroporte, get a free coupe" deal? – Ray Wert

Rapper Eve Busted for DUI after Maserati Mash-Up [TMZ.com]

Related:
Vivica Fox Popped for DUI: "I Got Drunk And Drove, I Wish To God That I Hadn't, But I Did."; Al Unser Jr Charged With DUI After Las Vegas Crash [internal]

Obviously distraught after getting booted off Dancing With The Stars, Vivica A. Fox (known to many as Vernita Green) apparently got liquored up and decided to go for a drive. She was pulled over late Tuesday in LA after passing a patrol car at 80 mph and then failed a field sobriety test. A breathalyzer test revealed a blood-alcohol level above the legal limit and she was hauled off to the pokey. No word on if she screamed "You can't do this to me, i was in Soul Food" at any time during the arrest. – Matt Hardigree

Vivica A. Fox Arrested in LA [AP via Forbes]

Related:
Unicorn Was Driving, Claims Schnockered Montana Driver [Internal]