Earlier: Oprah's Favorite Things 2007: The Audience Freaks Out!

Sweet gay Christmas, this is news. Cher, who some gay folks like, and Christina Aguilera, ditto, are teaming up to be in a movie musical called Burlesque. The film is about a small town girl who moves to Los Angeles and ends up performing at a club overseen by its all-knowing, former dancer proprietress. We're pretty sure we know who plays what role, but really it doesn't matter. All the gay dudes in all the land will be lining up for this one—to love it, to mock it, or just because that's what everyone else is doing. [Variety]

Having finally left Central Perk for long enough to explore New York and discover things as modern as really high rents and the Internet, Phoebe and Monica have decided they'd like to make a web show together. Lisa Kudrow is going to do a second season of her Web Therapy show, on which her old costar Courteney Cox will guest star. Probably to plug Cougar Town. Which looks rough. [THR]

Larry Doyle (I Love You, Beth Cooper) will direct an adaptation of his own upcoming novel Go Mutants!, which is about a high school where all the creatures from 1950s cheapo sci-fi/horror flicks (who were all real!) send their kids. So these weirdos try to blend in with the regular kids, even though they're loud and weird and stick out like sore thumbs. So it could have been called Go Theater! and it'd basically be the same thing. [Variety]

Pete Travis (the nonsensical Vantage Point) will direct a modern adaptation of Shakespeare's Macbeth. Because, oh good. We're getting a modern Hamlet (again), and we sorta got a modern R & J. We're really waiting for the modern King John, or the modern Measure for Measure, just to see Jena Malone as a nun who hooks herself out to save her brother (Sebastian Stan). Also, um, didn't we already get a modern Macbeth with the masterful (seriously, go rent it) Scotland, PA? Yes, we did. [THR]

Enchanted director Kevin Lima has signed on to direct Frank, a romantic comedy about a nerdy science lady who uses her genetics prowess to make herself a friend. Presumably said friend turns out to be rumply and handsome and then they fall in love until he finds out he's fake and goes away and a sad montage plays but then they get back together in the end. So it's a modern update of Frankenstein, if Victor and the Monster got gay together. Oh, let's do that! [Variety]

Poor sad Jessica Simpson is returning, head drooped dejectedly like a be-titted Charlie Brown, to reality TV. She'll star in the 2010 VH1 (oh, Jessica...) series The Price of Beauty, in which she travels the world and learns beauty tips (some are Extreme!!!) from women all over the place. So at least it's got some marginal amount of merit to it. I mean, it's not just her wandering around a mansion and yelling about tunafish. That's something. [THR]

Oscar-winning Slumdog Millionaire composer A.R. Rahman has just signed a worldwide licensing deal with Universal Music. He's also putting the finishing touches on the soundtrack he wrote for an upcoming Vince Vaughn comedy. So basically, he's gone from zero to hero! Albeit when we say "zero" we mean "He was very well known abroad but here in America we had no idea who he was and that's all that really matters in the end anyway". You know. [Variety]

Delightful actress Kathryn Hahn is on the move. She's inked a deal to play a supporting role in James L. Brooks' high profile new comedy, and she's got a TV pilot in the works that'd she'd star in. Must be crazy to suddenly have it all coming together. It's like when we finally do laundry after weeks and weeks, and we just can't believe it finally happened. [THR]

That Easy A movie—a teen flick loosely based on The Scarlet Letter—is shaping up to have a pretty respectable cast. Lisa Kudrow, Stanley Tucci, Patricia Clarkson, Thomas Haden Church, and Malcom McDowell have all been announced as costars. Oh, and also Penn Badgley from Gossip Girl. Feh. [Variety]

A&E has canceled Patrick Swayze's clunky bad lieutenant drama The Beast, which is sad for him. [Variety]

Speaking of beasts, British heartthrob Alex Pettyfer and American oddity Mary-Kate Olsen have joined High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens in the film Beastly, a retelling of the Beauty and the Beast story. Pettyfer will play a handsome but arrogant little shit who gets transformed into an ugly person by Olsen and, presumably, saved by Hudgens. Unlike its animated predecessor, we do not see Oscar nominations in its future. [Variety]

Oh, that's cute. Heroes is still bothering to hire actors to be on their show. Robert Knepper, who played T-Bag on Prison Break, has joined the cast as a villain referred to as the "Carnival Barker." Ohhh twissssted. [THR]

Dimension has tapped Dan Milano, who's written for Adult Swim, to craft the script for their planned Short Circuit remake. Because what the world needs now is more remakes. And robots. Always robots. [Variety]

Terrence Howard is prepping a TV project based on the life of Ronald Farwell, an LAPD detective who infiltrated the Black Panthers in the late 60s and 70s. [Variety]

CBS says that they see light at the end of the tunnel, recession and ad revenue wise. Funny because most of their viewers are also heading towards a bright light. (Because they're old. And dying.) [THR]

After the jump: Uni courts the 'Works, Keira does Zelda, and the NFL sacks the Emmys.

· Universal and Disney are reportedly the last studios standing in the DreamWorks distribution sweepstakes — if that's what you call a pitiful 8% distribution fee. Even the friggin' tooth fairy pays better than 8%. [THR]
· Contrary to rumors circulating Hollywood this morning, Kim Kardashian's accident-scene etiquette will not be the basis for the planned remake of Akira Kurosawa's classic Rashomon [Variety]
· Keira Knightley will bravely roll the dice in a period film for a change, attaching herself to play the stroppy Zelda Fitzgerald in Nick Cassavetes's adaptation of The Beautiful and the Damned. [THR]
· The Emmy hangover continues: Sunday night's NFL matchup outrated the Emmycast by more than 8 million viewers. Perhaps Al Michaels and John Madden can host next year. [Variety]

Torrance Shipman, Bring It On: For every sweet as sugar Valley Girl like the original film's Julie Richman, there is the head cheerleader. Torr, her sidekicks, and her priorities dipped into the shallowest end of the San Fernando pool of prissy dumb blondes (with hearts of gold! In the end, of course!) Classic Quote: "I am only cheerleading."

Romy And Michele, Romy And Michele's High School Reunion: A rare glimpse into the lives of the post-grad working life of the VG, Lisa Kudrow and Mira Sorvino actually made anyone unfamiliar with the Valley kind of want to live there, where folding sweaters defined the girls' perfection of living by that old mantra: ignorance is bliss. Classic Quote: "You look so good with blonde hair and black roots it's not even funny."

Stacy Hamilton, Fast Times At Ridgemont High: For every Torrance, there is a Stacy Hamilton: that shy, naive non-looker with the way hotter friend, who falls for the short, pale, and not handsome bad boy because he smokes cigarettes and dresses in all black. Classic Quote: "When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out?"

Tai, Clueless: Most people instantly envision Cher as a classic VG, but the contemporary Emma lived in Beverly Hills. And sure, Tai does hail from the scary land of Manhattan where "coke" means cocaine, not Coca-Cola. But by the climax of the flick, Tai represents everything VGs stand for: short skirts, make-up, gold jewelry and boyfriend-stealing. Classic Quote: "You think I'm a mentally retarded airhead?"

Buffy Summers, Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Oh, Buff. The yellow cheerleading outfit. The gum. The bleached hair. The mini-skirts with polka dots used to attract football players. The like, icky gross feeling you get around dudes with British accents who are old and stuff. Our favorite, by a landslide. Classic Quote: "Right, I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping."

• MGM DEVELOPS MUSICAL 'VALLEY GIRL' [THR]

In today's episode: Colin Farrell; Robert Downey, Jr., Gary Shandling, and Kevin Pollack; Lisa Kudrow, Courteney Cox, and David Arquette; Brian Grazer; Michael Richards; Jason Lee and Jason Segel; John Krasinski and Adam Scott; Roger Avary; Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox; and Chris Owen.

· 6/25 - About 10 pm, jumping into the least comically long line at Hollywood/Western Ralph's, fairly checked out after a long work day. Only after vaguely registering an Irish brogue on the tatted, muscle-shirted, pork-pied gentleman in front of me, i do notice he was about to leave his milk jug behind. He returns to grab it after cashier & I shout him down, and he is then obviously Colin Farrell, with a hardy "thanks then, mates" for us. Being at least a mile from any fashionable locale and being above-average male height seems the ultimate combination to fly under the radar, or no one had seen "Tigerland" on the late shift.

· Went to the Police show at Dodger Stadium (6-23). I had great seats so I started looking for celebs and was initially disappointed when the only person I recognized was the obviously mentally challenged Cousin Sal from The Jimmy Kimmel Show. Then I spotted Gary Shandling, Robert Downey, Jr. , and Kevin Pollack. Not too shabby.

· Went on Thursday 6/21 to One on Sunset. Lisa Kudrow was there having dinner with her husband and another older-ish couple that aren't famous. She's much prettier in person. Her husband went the sweater around the shoulders route. I bit later Courteney Cox and David Arquette dropped in. They were both much better looking and even tinier than I would have imagined. Courtney spoke with Lisa and other friends, while David spent the entire time running back and forth talking on his phone. While we were waiting for the valet an Escalade swooped up, David jumped in and the driver screeched off. Maybe Coco needed a parent to come home?

· Saw Brian Grazer at Glu Gallery's "Everything Must Go" opening on Beverly last night (6/23). Scariest part? Your giant Grazer head shot is actually life size....that dude is tiny!

· More than 10 years of going down to the Third Street Promenade on a regular basis, and I finally had my first celebrity sighting down there last Sunday the 24th - and boy, was it a good one. Walking down Santa Monica Blvd. toward the beach at around 2 p.m., I passed ex- Kramer Michael Richards, who was carrying a bunch of shopping bags and looking a bit winded as he went his not-so merry way. Being of the Negro persuasion myself, I resisted the immediate temptation of pointing at the doghouse-residing star and shouting ... well, you know.

· The Two Jasons: On the way to the House of Pies last Sat. (June 23) I spied Jason Segel (How I Met Your Mother/Knocked Up) sidewalk seated with a lady friend. On the return trip I passed Jason/Earl Lee puffing on a cig at the Prospect and Vermont car wash. Kept my eyes peeled for Priestly, Patric and/or Schwartzman but no luck.

· 6/23 - Walking out of the movie theater at the Grove, I spotted Adam Scott (I had to look him up and I bet you would have too - he was the gay friend in Monster-In-Law and the male nurse in Knocked Up). He's cute. Minutes later, I was walking into AOC when my current crush John Krasinski brushed past me on his way out. Seriously cute and oh so talented. He looked like he was maybe with an industry type couple and a nice looking older couple who could have been his parents. The older gentleman graciously complimented the hosts on the wonderful dining experience, so he couldn't have been from here because we're not that nice.

· 6-23 I'm shopping at Whole Foods in Santa Monica and who do I spot in the vegan raw food section but the Academy Award winning writer of Pulp Fiction and director of The Rules of Attraction, Roger Avary. He looked good (blond and semi-fit), but he was talking to himself like a homeless person, muttering things like "this for me" and "body likes this" in a voice that was a little too loud. I looked for a Bluetooth headset, but saw none. His cart was full of various raw food items, like pizza made out of cashews and other things gross, and he must have been there for at least 15 minutes agonizing over what goofy food item pleased him more. Then, very clearly, he half shouts "Damned Nazi's — DIE!" I have no idea what was irking him so, but it scared me enough to turn and walk away.

· went to see the Police @ Dodger Stadium last night, 6/23. while waiting in line for a margarita, noticed JAY MOHR + NIKKI COX walking by. he was working a '70s porn star 'stache. which makes sense, since NIKKI has over-inflated Juvoderm porn star lips. looked like he was following her around like a puppy dog. so sad.

· 6/24/07 stopped into Chipotle at the Grove and see none other than Chris "The Sherminator" Owen (I definitely had to Google him) waiting in line. He was waiting to pick up a special order quesadilla (why?). Looks exactly like he does in the movies, which is sort of unfortunate for him.