But in a conference speech yesterday, Michael Burns, the Vice-Chairman of Lion's Gate dispelled any fantasies we may have had that the torture quotient in our multiplexes would be lowered any time soon, saying Saw is here to stay, and while they are at it, that Lion's Gate has no intention of abandoning it's campaign to destroy entertainment. Burns told the , there will be a Saw 7 and that the Tyler Perry machine will continue assaulting comedy until the end of time.

The Hollywood Reporter quotes Burns speaking slyly of Saw's status:

Despite a disappointing performance by Saw VI, which Burns attributed to getting "buzz-sawed" at the boxoffice by Paranormal Activity, he said it was full steam ahead on the seventh installment, which will be in 3D.

"As long as we make money on it we'll keep doing this," he said, pointing out that such franchises tend to have a long shelf life across different platforms. Dirty Dancing, he pointed out, still sells 2,000 DVDs a day for the company, and that's after 20 years.

We have to hand it to Lions Gate, the unholy alliance of torture porn and the most-useless, money-extorting innovation of the past decade — 3D — might just be the giant leap forward we've been waiting for to crush audience's desire for creativity and life once and for all, after which, there would be nothing to stand in the way of a thousand reign of Saw films.

Burns also vowed that Tyler Perry's crusade to erase the last vestiges of comedy from the cinema would continue until the last comic standing, referring to Perry as a machine and taunting the assembled media savants with the threat of new Madea insallments.

Burns however, cleared up confusion about Perry's legal status, confirming he still enjoys the full freedom due an American citizen. "He's not an indentured servant," Burns explained, confirming that Perry enjoys the freedom to pursue non-Lion projects.

• The Wrap writes of the challenges facing AMC in following up on the success of its two original shows, Mad Men and Breaking Bad. Since the pair of critical darlings launched, the network's development team has changed and this weekend's debut of The Prisoner marks the first try-out for the new execs, with two new series coming up behind it. While the kiniptions Mad Men provokes in the media have always been hugely disproportionate to its raw audience size, which is generally in the one to two million range, Men's success is due to a little fluke of its audience demographics. The Wrap notes that more than half of its viewers earn six figure incomes, making it pretty much the official show of American rich people. But while Men and Breaking are bringing in cash for the network, the piece notes that between them they can only produce 26 episodes a year, a long, long way from the sort of programming pipeline needed to take the network to the next level, revenue-wise. And what with the economic downturn, America's rich have a lot more time to dedicate to their Tivo's and their needs must be fed. [The Wrap]

• Fox has re-signed Emma Watts to serve as its President of Production for the next three years, a move which Variety says, "keeps Fox as a bastion of stability at a time when studios are rife with executive shakeups." [Variety]

• Charlie's Angels may be coming home to the little screen. ABC is reportedly on the brink of a deal to bring the story of three little girls who went to the police academy back full circle to where it all began for them. Josh Friedman, who wrote Fox's Terminator:The Sarah Connor Chronicles is on board to executive produce the show. And now they work for him. [Variety]

• American box offices are bracing this weekend for a medium to large-sized tsunami of cash unleashed by the release of 2012. The disaster epic is expected to take in between $50 - $55 million this weekend with no other major film entering wide release against it. The film enters the marketplace with a Rotten Tomatoes score of 38 which The Wrap points out is an improvement over the 9 percent positive rating of director Roland Emmerich's previous film 10,000 B.C. [The Wrap]

• The Vice-Chairman of Lions Gate said that his company would be interested in buying MGM but "It's all about price," that is, if they can get the James Bond franchise for very little money, sure they'd be happy to do that. While trumpeting the news the LA Times makes the "imagine that/you don't say" point that, every company in Hollywood would be willing to absorb MGM and Bond if they can get them for nothing or next to it. [LA Times]

• The Who have been booked to entertain tens of millions of drunken, nacho-engorged football fans when they play the halftime show of this season's Superbowl. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Despite SAG's rejection of proposed terms, AFTRA's membership ratified a new contract with video game makers, taking a 2.5 percent pay raise for its actors. [Hollywood Reporter]

We'd really hoped this one would be visiting your neighborhood sooner than later. Alas, Precious, featuring Mariah Carey, Sherri Shepherd, Lenny Kravitz, lauded newcomer Gabourey Sidibe, and Mo'Nique in a career-defining performance as an abusive mother from hell, quietly disappeared this week from its prestigious closing-night slot at New York's New Directors/New Films festival. Sources point to the studio's open-ended legal standoff with Harvey Weinstein as a serious threat to seeing a deglammed, mustachioed Carey back on the big screen any time soon.

It's probably the most significant such drama since 2005, when Fox Searchlight jacked Jason Reitman's Toronto Film Festival hit Thank You For Smoking from the dozing Paramount Vantage. And in any event, it's a 180-degree reversal from Precious's trajectory out of Park City, where news of a big-time deal with Lionsgate, Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey accompanied its Grand Jury Prize. That wasn't the only accompaniment, however; The Weinstein Company soon intervened, claiming that they had a deal to release the film domestically. Breach-of-contract suits and countersuits followed — none of which are yet resolved, we hear, indefinitely postponing Precious's appearance anywhere outside Sundance.

Meanwhile, a Lionsgate representative told us this morning that the film is on track for a fall release. Here's hoping; Harvey shouldn't go hogging all the awards-season fun.

• New Directors/New Films

THR provided an exhaustive analysis today of exactly how and when financier toes were stepped upon and moguls were made to cry like five-year-old girls, which we've broken down into a handy Get Your Hands of My Push Baby Timeline.

· January 16 — Push debuts in Park City. It built steady buzz over the week, wooing suitors, but accepting no official bites.
· January 24 — Sundance's closing day. In a few hours, Push would win both U.S. grand jury and audience prizes. Weinstein execs land in Park City to negotiate for a buy.
· January 25-27 — A series of meetings and conference calls between Push producer-financier Smokewood Entertainment Group, TWC, and Cinetic, a film financing advisory assigned with brokering the deal.
· TWC also explored two other options: one that would pair them with a private investor, another that would see them going halfsies with Lionsgate—a partnership that proved successful in the past with Fahrenheit 9/11.
· Lionsgate was interested, especially since their Chief Drag Officer and one-man money-making -machine Tyler Perry loved Push.
· January 27 — That morning, TWC and Cinetic reach a detailed agreement. A phone call with the Push financiers that day and one e-mail that evening later, TWC had made an official bid, accepting the filmmakers' terms and requesting paperwork from Cinetic. A Cinetic rep replied in an e-mail that he was "explaining every detail" to his client. The paperwork never came.
· January 28 — TWC tell Lionsgate the deal has closed. Lionsgate approached Cinetic and were assured Push was still theirs for the taking.
· February 2 — Lionsgate seals their own deal, with Perry and Oprah Winfrey's involvement secured.
· February 4 — TWC files complaints in New York Supreme Court against Cinetic, Lionsgate and Smokewood.
· Lionsgate fights back, filing a pre-emptive lawsuit asking a judge to declare Lionsgate the film's legal owner.

The crux of the case, then, lies in Cinetic's e-mails and the intention behind them. According to TWC's Scary Hollywood Lawyer Bert Fields, "The critical thing is that (TWC) sent an e-mail saying we've accepted your terms and we've reached an agreement, and when (Cinetic) writes back and says we're explaining the deal to the clients, that's an adoptive admission that a deal exists." A lawyer for Lionsgate retorts, "The material deal terms were not agreed to, and I think it's apparent on the face of their complaint. Some of those e-mails are deliberately authored in ways to suggest that there was a contract where indeed there wasn't."

• How 'Push' came to shove [THR]

· NBC has picked up a reality series starring Tony Robbins which they plan to pair with The Biggest Loser for an inspirational programming block they're calling "So You Lost the Manboobs—Now What? Tuesdays." [Variety]
· Lionsgate posted loses of $93.4 million, vs. a profit of $7.3 million one year earlier. Turkeys The Spirit, Punisher: War Zone and Transporter 3 were blamed, as well as double-digit drops in home video sales. Mad Men and Crash's lifted the TV division's profits 82%. Such is the power of the Hamm...and racist cars. [Variety]
· Actor/writer Chris Moynihan (For Your Consideration, Psych) got a greenlight for his pilot 100 Questions for Charlotte Payne, about a (everybody now!) "young woman navigating dating life in Gotham." We have three: 1. Is he perhaps just not that into you? 2. Are you a werewolf? 3. Do you know Charlotte Simmons? [Variety]
· Aaron Eckhart and Oscar nominee Richard Jenkins have joined Johnny Depp in Rum Diary, based on Hunter S. Thompson's novel about a "washed-up, hard-drinking journalist (Depp) in 1950s Puerto Rico." Cult-favorite director Bruce Robinson (Withnail and I, How to Get Ahead in Advertising) directs—his first feature since 1992's Jennifer Eight. This is the kind of movie we could really imagine our ex-hippie alcoholic pothead 8th grade math teacher getting into. God we hope he's still alive. [THR]

The Weinstein Company and Lionsgate have now filed suit against each other, with each studio arguing that it came out of Sundance with the rights to distribute the movie. It's like Watchmen all over again, but with inner-city drama instead of blue wangs! Say THR:

"TWC reached a firm agreement for the rights to "Push: Based on the Novel by Sapphire.' Behind their backs Cinetic Media tried to make a better deal with Lionsgate. Lionsgate was well aware of the TWC contract but went forward anyway," said Bert Fields, who along with David Boies is repping TWC. Typically in breach-of-contract cases, a plaintiff would either want the contract honored or, in its place, monetary compensation.

Fields added: "We have just been informed that Lionsgate went to court today in Los Angeles to preempt TWC's lawsuit in New York. This is obvious forum-shopping by a party that knew TWC was going to sue. We will deal with it appropriately."

Then again, the New York Times is arguing that the film is going to be a near-impossible sell anyway. Well, we'll come back to Push's box office potential in just a bit, after we demolish the rest of the claims in this NYT article for being inaccurate and sorta dim.

First, writer Brooks Barnes amusingly makes hay about the fact that Lionsgate originally agreed to talk to him about the film's marketing and then suddenly had to rescind their offer at the last minute. Barnes speculates that happened because the film is so hard to sell that they didn't want to discuss it—uh, we're going to go ahead and say that they pulled out because of the impending Weinstein/Lionsgate clash that some reporting on the matter might have dug up. Bummer to have that story announced today, too, dude!

Oh, but then there's this:

Lionsgate's recent success lies almost entirely in the horror genre, particularly the torture porn franchise "Saw," although it has had some luck in a corner of movies condescendingly referred to by the industry as "urban." The studio, for instance, distributes Tyler Perry's comedies, which have sold about $248 million in tickets over the past four years.

Really, has Lionsgate had "some luck"? Because from where we're standing, it looks like they actually nurtured a major film franchise and locked it down (but maybe it was because their Sagittarius is rising?). Anyway, there are really too many errors in this NYT piece to correct, from the comparison of its fortunes to the barely released Spike Lee bomb Miracle at St. Anna, to the assertion that "the average marketing cost for this type of film is $25 million" (right, because that's what St. Anna had, isn't it?).

Defamer's seen this movie, so let's give you our own perspective: yes, the film is harrowing, but it's also sometimes explosively funny, and it's adept at building and releasing tension at the right times. Also, with the weight of Tyler Perry, Oprah Winfrey, and The View (Sherri Shepherd has a small role) behind it, this film is poised to hit its key money demographic: not black audiences, but women. There's no way this film won't be enormously talked about in the press, and Mo'Nique is a sure frontrunner for the Best Supporting Actress Oscar, which ensures that the film will stay in the public eye long enough to far exceed some industry watchers' expectations.

Also, Mariah Carey has a freaking mustache. Didn't we mention that before?

• Lionsgate, Weinstein Co. tussle over 'Push' [THR]

• Wrenching Film Poses Marketing Challenge [NYT]

You may remember that in our self-congratulatory post on An Education's sale, we signed off with "Emboldened, we'd now recommend that Lionsgate take a look at Push: Based on a Novel by Sapphire. Work that Tyler Perry circuit, get assured spots on Oprah and The View, and thank us later (a supporting actress campaign for Mo'Nique would be payment enough)."

Today (two weeks later), Variety brings this news:

Lionsgate has purchased North American distribution rights to "Push: Based on the Novel by Sapphire." Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry will support Lionsgate's distribution through their respective motion picture companies, Harpo Films and 34th Street Films.

Well, all right then! Shall we go three for three? Hey, MTV Films...still interested in making some pickups? How about acquiring Sundance's fun "high school threesome" vehicle Dare? If you need us, we're going to be in our acquisitions suite, sacrificing yet another virginal Jezebel commenter to feed the insatiable Defamer crystal ball.

• Lionsgate, Winfrey, Perry push 'Push' [Variety]

That's what the latest Renée Zellweger romcom New In Town faces upon opening this Friday, with early word from one critic urging the "good people of Minnesota" to "Stand up! Fight back! Take back your state and your culture and your accent!" Another critic, still reeling from his subjection to Zellweger's turn as an icy Miami executive who discovers love on a wintry northern business expedition, wrote his entire review in the film's condescending Townspeople dialect: "Her corporate-speak pretnear starts a riot. I'm tellin' ya, da guys are so worried 'bout losin' der jobs dey treat Lucy like a gopher who got into da garbage, donchaknow."

Distributor Lionsgate, meanwhile, is doing all it can to mend the breach threatening its January delivery — including marketing kingpin Tim Palen's staunchest "tug-on-the-ovary" test-screening efforts profiled last week in The New Yorker:

After the screening, Palen listened carefully to the focus group. Then, on the escalator down from the theater, he said, “They weren’t talking about Renée Zellweger, but she was the reason they came, because she’s a movie star. So if we’re out on Super Bowl weekend as counter-programming—trying to get women—the trailer has to be about her and be all shellacked and lacquered. Though I wonder if Fargo meets Baby Boom might be more relatable, with the downsizing everyone’s experiencing.” I mentioned that Blanche (Siobhan Fallon Hogan), Zellweger’s administrative assistant at the plant, had got many of the biggest laughs. “Droll and folksy reads as quaint, reads as art house,” Palen said. “I love Blanche, but I can’t sell her.”

"Fargo meets Baby Boom"? Ugh. Now even the Minnesotans won't buy it.

• 'New In Town' [Rotten Tomatoes]

• The Cobra [The New Yorker]

While we highly, highly suggest you take the time to read the entire story, here are some revelations from people who make trailers, manipulating moments from flicks:

“The most common comment you hear from filmmakers after we’ve done our work is ‘This is not my movie,’” Terry Press, a consultant who used to run marketing at Dreamworks SKG, says. “I’d always say, ‘You’re right—this is the movie America wants to see.’”

But what about you, the modern woman? Oh, the marketers know all about you:

The collective wisdom is that young males like explosions, blood, cars flying through the air, pratfalls, poop jokes, “you’re so gay” banter, and sex—but not romance. Young women like friendship, pop music, fashion, sarcasm, sensitive boys who think with their hearts, and romance—but not sex (though they like to hear the naughty girl telling her friends about it). They go to horror films as much as young men, but they hate gore; you lure them by having the ingénue take her time walking down the dark hall.

That is, of course, only if you are under 25. If you're over 25, you fall into a different "quadrant" of marketing. You're "older."

Older women like feel-good films and Nicholas Sparks-style weepies: they are the core audience for stories of doomed love and triumphs of the human spirit. They enjoy seeing an older woman having her pick of men; they hate seeing a child in danger. Particularly once they reach thirty, these women are the most “review-sensitive”: a chorus of critical praise for a movie aimed at older women can increase the opening weekend’s gross by five million dollars. In other words, older women are discriminating, which is why so few films are made for them.

The marketer at the heart of this article, Tim Palen, was working on a new Renée Zellweger new film, Chilled in Miami, and trying to figure out how to get people to watch it. After a screening, Palen worried:

“They weren’t talking about Renée Zellweger, but she was the reason they came, because she’s a movie star. So if we’re out on Super Bowl weekend as counter-programming—trying to get women—the trailer has to be about her and be all shellacked and lacquered. Though I wonder if ‘Fargo’ meets ‘Baby Boom’ might be more relatable, with the downsizing everyone’s experiencing.” I mentioned that Blanche (Siobhan Fallon Hogan), Zellweger’s administrative assistant at the plant, had got many of the biggest laughs. “Droll and folksy reads as quaint, reads as art house,” Palen said. “I love Blanche, but I can’t sell her.”

So how do you sell a Renée Zellweger movie? The New Yorker's Tad Friend writes:

He had been working to make a compelling trailer, using David Schneiderman, at Seismic Productions, who cut trailers for “The Devil Wears Prada” and “Sex and the City.” Paul Brooks wanted the trailer to be primarily comedic, but Palen felt that it needed an emotional through-line, “the stuff that tugs on the ovary.” Schneiderman says that Palen’s reaction to his first pass “was the worst: ‘Where’s the Mary Tyler Moore?’ He said, ‘This girl goes to this little town in Minnesota and she’s a cold person, and they warm her up, right? More warmth, more style, more “Devil Wears Prada.” ’ And I said, ‘I don’t know where that is in the movie.’ And he said, ‘Create it.’”

By the end of the piece, Chilled In Miami has the more straight-forward title New In Town; the poster features red, Devil Wears Prada-esque shoes and a Louis Vuitton suitcase (Palen shot the photograph himself; whether the shoes or the luggage actually appear in the film is unclear), and the trailer, writes Friend, "made me want to see the movie, even though I’d already seen it. It looked like fun."

Letter From California: The Cobra [The New Yorker]

In the meantime, he focuses on work. Perry's next offering is the tantalizingly titled Madea Goes to Jail—conjuring images of Mabel "Madea" Simmons in lockdown for illegal weapons possession, where she soon finds a toothbrush-shiv pressed to her larynx at the cafeteria pay phone by the cellblock's Alpha Butch, Lady Em. A lifelong friendship with benefits ensues.

The film's marketing campaign features a variety of one-sheets, each depicting a mugshot image of one of Tyler's many cross-dressing moods. And for your morning WTF? moment, there's also a brooding alternative, featuring a black dove with wings of smoke. Enjoy.

• Impa Awards via Low Industrial via Lisanti Quarterly

"I don't know anything about next season—I don't even know if it's happening," he told us ominously at the InStyle Golden Globes afterparty, adding that the show's fate right now is "unknowable." [...]

"You know me, I'm very forthcoming," Weiner said when asked why negotiations have taken so long. "And I don't even know what to tell you. I don't know what to say…I've done everything I can. That's all I can tell you."

So when might it be sorted out? "I have no idea. I'm surprised we don't know already."

Fortunately, Weiner has a secret, fleshy weapon: Christina Hendricks, who tells E! that there's no show without him. Melissa George, this is your chance! Pad your bra and call your agent!

• Mad Men Boss Says Show's Fate Is "Unknowable" [E!]

Or, officially, W. — The Official Film Guide, an obsessive, somewhat addictive gathering of footnotes for amateur scholars ("14. Cheney - Unitary Executive Theory") and culture mavens ("80. W. loved Cats) alike, crammed with supporting details and citations behind some of W.'s more out-there moments. Like "W. on Non-Alcoholic Beer":

“I’ve won," said George W. Bush, one week before Election Day. A couple of reporters on the plane appeared unconvinced. But Bush was supremely confident, leaning against the bulkhead with a Buckler near-beer in his hand… [James Moore, Wayne Slater. Bush's Brain]

Or, our favorite, "W. as Paul Bunyan":

On most of the 365 days he has enjoyed at his secluded ranch [in Crawford], President Bush's idea of paradise is to hop in his white Ford pickup truck in jeans and work boots, drive to a stand of cedars, and whack the trees to the ground. [...] Sometimes this activity is the only official news to come out of what aides call the Western White House. For five straight days since Monday, when Bush retreated to the ranch for his Christmas sojourn, a spokesman has announced that the president, in between intelligence briefings, calls to advisers and bicycling, has spent much of his day clearing brush. [Lisa Rein, The Washington Post

]

And all this time we thought the president spent those long, languid days kicking back with a book. Who knew?

• Debating 'W.': Getting Bush Right [Slate]

• 'W.' — The Official Film Guide [Lionsgate via MCN]

Where else? "Everyone is now having drinks at the Daily Grill," says our source of the shellshocked line of refugees filing across Colorado for some extra dry humanitarian aid — with two olives, and maybe some food. Can they have another minute to decide? Meanwhile, please say a prayer for their safe, swift return to work; if this turns out anything like the building's last crisis in 2006, we'll have an explanation (along with a video of the culprit) by the end of the day.

You could make an argument either way (and believe us — people are), but Lionsgate never left much doubt that it would obtain the top-doc spot sooner or later. Yet while it's never been on more than half as many screens as Expelled — 568 to 1,062 — Religulous had the compounded advantages of a Toronto Film Fest launch, Maher tearing up Sherri Shepherd and anyone who would sit still for him on national TV, aggressive, conspicuous marketing, and a furtive NYC/LA residency to help qualify for its forthcoming Oscar nod. In the end, all that topping Expelled means this weekend is that Lionsgate's $3 million diatribe might break even earlier than expected.

Expelled's budget was about the same, but stunned observers by finishing in the top 10 its opening weekend with little more than a grassroots push by the marketers who brought you The Passion of the Christ and other Christian-themed hits. Among them, Kirk Cameron's Fireproof carried the baton into fall with $17.2 million in less than three weeks. All due respect to Maher and Co., but that might be the long-term business to be in during bleak industry patches like this. Just avoid chihuahuas — you can't lose.

• Nothing ridiculous about 'Religulous' grosses [LAT]

Well, enough — it matters to us. Follow the jump and learn along with us as we figure out who the hell this guy is who needs 300 people to run his operation and has Oprah admittedly reaching for her Excedrin.

I. KNOW YOUR TYLER

Emmitt R. Perry Jr. was born Sept. 14, 1969, to Maxine and Emmitt Perry Sr. He later adopted the name Tyler to distance himself from his father, who he's claimed abused him verbally and physically while growing up in New Orleans. He dropped out of school at 16 and but later acquired his GED, eventually heading off to Atlanta in 1992 — right around the time he followed an Oprah Winfrey Show guest's advice to hash out one's emotional turmoil on paper. Perry produced his first play, the forgiveness-themed musical I Know I've Been Changed, in 1998 with $12,000 saved from selling used cars, construction work and other odd jobs. He drew 30 people to a 1,200-seat theater on opening night and, according to USA Today, was homeless within a week. After a more assiduous grassroots push, he staged it again later that year at Atlanta's House of Blues, where it was a hit.

Perry and the show traveled from there, with another nine plays following before the touring shows ended in 2006. He and his father reconciled (Perry reportedly brings Emmitt Sr. onstage at some shows); he continues to maintain homes in Atlanta and Los Angeles.

II. KNOW HIS CANON

Essentially, Tyler Perry is the John Hughes of what's still known as the "chitlin' circuit": A moody, funny, staggeringly prolific writer/producer/director best known for rocking floral prints and an Adam's apple as no-nonsense grandmother Mabel "Madea" Simmons. It's minstrelsy and it's melodrama — dinner table close-ups of fried chicken and sweet potatoes, drawn-out taxonomies of hos — yet ironically postmodern and not entirely unfunny:

He also does the upstanding black male (lawyers, husbands, etc.) and Madea's ornery brother Joe, occasionally in the same scene and with a kind of modulated conviction that makes us wonder why he's not in more of other people's films (J.J. Abrams apparently thought the same thing, casting Perry as the Starfleet Academy Chief in his upcoming reboot of Star Trek).

Perry's world is one where moments of heart-rending candor end in earnest confessions like, "I love you... I got it so bad for you I go to the grocery store and buy you feminine products, I swear." Or where, in Meet the Browns, a romantic rib-joint rendezvous between Angela Bassett and Rick Fox is broken up when her friend races in to say her otherwise heroic teenage son was gunned down in a drug deal. (One guess as to whether or not he survives.) Still, as high moral dudgeon goes, the last 40 minutes of Diary of a Mad Black Woman are half Bergman and half church revival. Indignance is just, as long as it's just temporary.

If Perry takes any shortcuts, it's in the reconstitution of most of his plays as films — plays he's also distributed as "recorded live" DVD's since 2002. His original screenplays, including last year's Daddy's Little Girls and The Family That Preys (opening today), push similar themes of spirituality, responsibility, forgiveness and family through the prism of urban melodrama. And all of it — along with his TBS hit House of Payne and his bestselling Madea tome Never Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings — is some of the most consistently profitable work being produced today. We'll get to that.

III. KNOW HIS ACCOLADES

Perry won two BET Comedy Awards out of the gate for Diary of a Mad Black Woman and has since been a near-perennial annual NAACP Image Award, Black Movie Award, and Black Reel Award nominee. Yet he loathes the 'Mainstream,' a reviled crossbreed of critics and journalists who have long sniffed at the quality and reach of his work. "I don't read stuff about me Good or Bad because most of the time it's wrong and negative and because most of these 'Mainstream' folks don't get it," Perry wrote April 22 on his Web site's message board. "So, what's the point?" And that was in response to positive piece. To this day, despite all the forgiveness his characters encourage and broker among each other, he forbids advance screenings of his films for the press.

IV. KNOW HIS STYLE

Unremarkable mall-chic, the kind of thing that happens when the personal shopper you hired on Craigslist gets loose with $2,000 at Rochester Big & Tall.

V. KNOW HIS LOVE LIFE

Any discussion of Perry's personal life that doesn't begin with his rumored homosexuality probably started instead asking why he's not married. Here's the official answer:

So now: Is he gay? Again, it's all a 'Mainstream' plot he dodges, even to black-oriented magazines like Essence:

[Tyler Perry] acknowledges first, that climbing into a dress and wig and packing his face full of Maybelline could very well lead people to question for which side he's hitting. "It used to bother me a whole lot in the beginning, it really, really did," says Perry. "But what it's done is give me firm seating in my manhood. And if some people can't separate the character from the man that I am, then that's their issue, not mine."

He also told the same magazine that he plays Madea because of his "special perspective": “Men watch women all the time. We sleep with you, we love you, we talk to you, we watch you shower.” Ah. Thus far, the most likely subject of Perry's shower study is Gelila Bekele, a 23-year-old Ethiopian model who has joined him on red carpets and gossip blogs for over a year. Her MySpace page mentions a releationship but no Perry.

But what of the chaste heros and well-built men who frequently appear in his plays, often revealing ripped physiques under workaday attire? And what of his spirtual, exquisite good guys — Heaven's well-coiffed exports who show up by chance and who, when "we both wanted to make love ... chose to give me something better: He gave me intimacy." Think of them as deeply decent, doable closet cases intoxicated by their prospects for middle-class bodice-ripping. So you tell us (if you haven't already).

VI. KNOW HIS EMPIRE

In the end, we don't care who Perry sleeps with, because a guy who builds a multi-media fiefdom within 10 years of sleeping in his Hyundai probably isn't doing a lot of fucking anyway. It goes like this: The plays take off, making $77 million to date. Perry brands them Tyler Perry's Whatever, tapes the shows, puts them on DVD. Lionsgate buys in, hires a director to adapt Diary of a Mad Black Woman for $5 million. It makes $50 million. Gives another $5 million for Madea's Family Reunion, this time with Perry directing. It makes $63 million. Rinse, repeat with four more titles in 30 months. Total gross: $250 million theatrically, plus 11 million DVD's sold.

The best part? Perry owns it all. Hence the 28-acre, 300-employee Tyler Perry Studios outside Atlanta. The $200 million, 100-episode House of Payne deal with TBS. The recent three-picture reupping with his distributors at Lionsgate. The 16,000-square-foot home with the tennis court and the prayer garden. And complete, self-financed control over whatever he wants to produce. You will not see Tyler Perry waiting around for three months to close an equity deal with a Mumbai conglomerate.

VII. KNOW YOUR FUN FACTS

· Perry's next film, Madea Goes to Jail will feature Cosby kid Keshia Knight Pulliam as a prostitute.

· After seeing Jail performed live, Oprah Winfrey announced on her show, "I laughed so hard I had to go home and take Excedrin."

· Stands 6'6" tall.

· His fans have their own dedicated social networking site.

· Was chosen in 2007 as one of EW's smartest people in Hollywood and one of Time most influential people in the world.

· His stage adaptation of Rev. T.D. Jakes's book Woman Thou Art Loosed grossed $5 million in five months.

The creator and exec producer of AMC's critical darling is set to make the rounds of the majors in the next few weeks as he shops for a big-bucks overall deal. The timing is hardly accidental, given the approach of Sept. 21's Primetime Emmy Awards, in which "Mad Men" is a top contender with 16 noms.

It's understood that "Mad Men" producer Lionsgate TV and AMC have just begun their discussions on a third-season pickup for the period ensembler. Weiner's continued involvement with the show, a passion project that he nurtured as a spec for years before getting a yes from AMC, is sure to be part of those talks.

What a Mad Men might look like without the notoriously (from what we hear) controlling showrunner would be difficult to imagine, though it's safe to say that minus Weiner's indelible creative imprint, the AMC drama would be in danger of morphing into a different series altogether. We'd hate to see Season 3 begin with the title card "23 Years Later..." only to find our treasured rotation of series regulars replaced by cheaper unknowns, puzzling over how best to market a Rubik's Cube as Sterling Cooper discovers its wackier side in the Me Decade.

• Showrunner shops for 'Mad' money [Variety]

This is something you might file under "Stuff I Wouldn’t Dare Make Up." I went to a midnight screening late Thursday/early Friday for Disaster Movie – and I actually was the only person in the theater. At least, that was the case for about 30 or so minutes into the movie. At the 30-minute mark, I noticed a young guy wandering in. (Can’t tell you his age for certain – it was, well, dark.) I thought this was kinda-sorta weird – remember, we’re talking close to 12:40 am at this point – but I figured, what the hell, maybe he just ducked in after seeing another movie in another auditorium of the megaplex. He sat down a few rows ahead of me. But after about five or so minutes, he stood up and… and… well, I am not 100 percent sure about this, but I think he took a leak. Really. Right there in the freakin’ auditorium. On the floor. And then, he left.

Amazing! And here we thought criticism was dying. Thanks for the pep talk, Houston — we needed that.

• It's a 'Disaster,' All Right [MovingPictureBlog via THND]