This is the only-in-LA situation brought to our attention by LAist, which has been tracking a celebrity turf war over the LA Zoo's only elephant, Billy. Lily Tomlin thinks the zoo's elephant space is too small! Slash thinks it's perfectly sufficient!

Kevin Nealon opines that "the LA zoo is not a good place for elephants." The LA Zoo is not a good place for anything, except watching children and animals look miserable (and Dippin' Dots!).

Cher compared the zoo to slavery, which is true, if slaves lived on uninspiring plantations built in the 1980s and hid behind rocks all day, inspiring small children to whine, "Mommy! Where are the slaves?!"

Bob Barker was on hand to protest both the elephant quarters and Drew Carey's terminal lack of enthusiasm hosting The Price is Right.

As for Robert Culp? He was just happy to be nominated.

• Cher, Lily Tomlin, Robert Culp, Bob Barker, Kevin Nealon Speak Out Against Elephant Exhibit [LAist]

In today's episode: Leonardo Dicaprio, Tobey Maguire, and Avril Lavigne; Halle Berry and Yeardly Smith; Demi Moore; Forest Whitaker; Djimon Hounsou; Dolly Parton; Lily Tomlin and Teller; John Krasinski and Kevin Sussman; Chris O'Donnell; Jason Bateman; Kelis and Nas; Kim Kardashian; Scott Baio; Mike Tyson; Illeana Douglas; Zachary Quinto; Vincent Gallo and Thurston Moore; Andy Dick; Michelle Rodriguez; Michael McDonald and Andrea Bowen.

· 8/22/07 10:05pm - Brentwood - So I'm at Katsuya where on one side of my table is Leo Dicaprio, Tobey Maguire and random actor guy I've seen in some things but have no idea what his name is and on the other side is Avril Lavigne. Leo actually scolded me while I was using my blackberry telling me, "don't use that" pointing to it where I promptly rolled my eyes and kept texting. I guess paranoia is rampant post growing pains. I mean, c'mon no one in the room even looked up from their kiwi-flavored scallops with yuzu vinaigrette at him. I also don't want to point fingers or anything but when my friend went into the one toilet unisex bathroom right after Avril it was totally clogged where my friend came back to our table saying "I'm not getting blamed for that mess." I'd love to see that in US weekly's "they're just like us!" section.

· This may be too late but last Friday, the 17th, my wife and I had the most amazing dinner at La Terza on 3rd street. Dining next to us was Halle Berry with her enormous white male model boyfriend and some rumpled old dude. That would have been amusing, but sitting behind us was none other than the voice of Lisa Simpson, Yeardly Smith. Good thing I spent all that time watching "Herman's Head," or I wouldn't have known what she looked like! Anyway, who cares, the food was out of this world, Gino was in the kitchen and all I could think about while eating the most amazing roasted pork belly was "Trading Places."

· So, today (Aug. 21) I went to see "Superbad" at AMC CC. When I got into the the theatre, I saw that basically 2/3rds of a row was taped off with signs on the chairs reading "reserved for a birthday party." Interesting—the last time I saw seats taped off like that, it was for Bruce Willis & entourage at Pirates 2. My friends and I sat down in the remaining seats in the row. And, sure enough, when the lights went down, in came Demi Moore and the youngest Willis girl and her teen friends. No sign of Ashton or Bruce. When the movie was over, they dashed out so quick before the lights came back on that my friends didn't get to see Demi. At this point, I just want to know what kind of deal the Willis clan has with that theatre...

· On Wed, 8/15, lunch hour rush at Jerry's Deli across from Cedars, I alerted my out of town guests to keep their eyes peeled for celebs on lunch meetings. We were about to leave, and Forest Whitaker rolled up to the valet in an off-white Chrysler 300 (y'know, the baby Bentley). I would respect his privacy and not report it, but hell, Jerry's at noon? He wanted to be noticed.

· Aug. 21: Djimon Hounsou at the WeHo Equinox. Little bit of white in his goatee. Must be from all that give-me-an-Oscar fence-rattling.

· Aug. 23: Over here in Muppetland, aka the Jim Henson Studios, it's been a fun day. The Queen of Country, Dolly Parton stopped by looking fantastic.

· Thursday 8/23 Formosa Café - Lily Tomlin with a small group. Mostly kept to herself, but saw her craning to look at the old headshots as she walked through. Resisted the urge to tell her that I was obsessed with "Big Business" for about three months as a kid. Also saw Teller from Penn & Teller with another group.

· Sunday at Sunset Junction, I saw Kevin Sussman — aka Walter from "Ugly Betty" (and yes, I needed IMDB for that one) — walking down Sunset just past the exit gates with what I assume was his (kind of pretty) girlfriend. Then, later Sunday afternoon at the movie theater at the Grove, I was behind John Krasinski and a male friend in line to pick up tickets from those automated ticket machines that, for some reason, speak to you in an Australian accent. Anywho, John was dressed in a hoodie (notwithstanding the fact that it was at least 95 degrees outside), and John's friend was wearing extremely tight skinny jeans. I only provide such detail because I haven't had a good celebrity sighting in months, so I may be a little overly descriptive.

· Aug. 22 I'm at lax and chris o'donnell is here on the curb with 100 bags and a black lab. He is also wearing an extremely preppy outfit of khakis, pint plaid shirt, and boat shoes. Shorter than I thought and not really that recognizable. So weird to see the man whose robin costume inspired the first funny feelings in my 12 year old loins.

· On vacation in California last week, and managed a good mix of sightings in two days in LA:
~ Tuesday 8/14: Jason Bateman, filming on Dayton Drive and looking cute in a suit with portfolio bag on his shoulder. He's taller than I thought.
~ Lunch at the Farm: Kelis & Nas having lunch right next to us. Very low-key & polite to the wait staff. She's pretty and he's short (Sawed-off in the words of my boyfriend.) Adorable couple.
~ Kim Kardashian on Robertson leaving M.A.C. and being snapped by the paparazzi. She put a finger up to her mouth, like she was telling the paparazzi to keep her desperate presence a secret, while they took her picture. Please. She had on cute shoes, though.
I Love L.A !

· Last Saturday I was having a please-cure-my-hangover brunch with my sister and step mom at the Beverly Glen Deli and almost did a spit-take with my crab omlette when I spotted "I'm 45 and Single" SCOTT BAIO!! He was with a mixed gender group of mostly attractive, actory looking folks although my sister - who watches his show - claims that none of them are on it. Scott was in shorts and a t-shirt, trying to rock a hipster beachy vibe and was actually pretty cute. He doesn't look 45 at all. Definitely knew the entire place was staring at him and liked it. I couldn't decide if I was thrilled the cameras for his show weren't there as I was feeling pretty rough and not prime-time ready or bummed - who doesn't want to be on TV?

· I was at the Farmers Market last night (Aug. 23) having drinks with a friend. After we finished our drinks we walked through the market and crossed paths with three people near the fruit stand. I said "Excuse me" as I passed in front of them, looked up briefly to see who it was, and almost lost my mind. It was MIKE TYSON.

Now, I'm not a fan of the man, but when you see him and his tattooed face (and it totally looks like facial kudzu, I'm not kidding) in person, it's quite a surprise. I ran over to my friend and asked if she saw who we just passed. She didn't, I told her it was Mike Tyson, and she stopped in her tracks and declared that she had to get a picture with him. We hustled back to the fruit stand where he was posing for photos and my friend asked him if he wouldn't mind taking one with her. He obliged and I took the photo on her camera - no kidding!

But wait - there're more. After I took my friend's picture with Mike, he then took out his camera and said, "Let me get a picture of you!" And there you have it: Mike Tyson took a picture of my friend and me on HIS camera. Hilarious, no?

· Saw illeana douglas as VintageWeave Antiques across from the Grove this week. Obviously walked across the street from the farmers market as she was a carrying a big pink cake box from one of the bakeries there..she was holding it out like it was loaded with spun gold. Very friendly. Embarrassed to say that I got a rise from checking her out because Bug-Eyed Girl has a smokin' body.

· Late Entry - two weeks ago (8/10) I saw new Spock Zachary Quinto at the West Hollywood Trader Joe's. He was dressed stylishly in a WeHo hipster sort of way, skinny jeans, striped shirt, gelled semi-mohawk. He paused to take a picture of the girl he was with as she stuck her face through the cardboard character cut out at the checkout stand. I don't think it was his girlfriend, because I am pretty sure he prefers the men.

· took in a movie yesterday at the new landmark theater at the westside pavillion and afterward decided to scarf up a tasty burger at the apple pan across the street. upon entering and finding a seat, i looked up to see my favorite sleeze-bag actor and baby maker for rent vincent gallo. the "brown bunny" boy was seated alone by one of the registers eating something that required utensils. he had this kinda dazed vacant look as he sat and consumed his gruel or whatever it was in the bowl in front of him. if you did not know who he was, he looked like a homeless guy that finally begged up enough money to actually sit somewhere to get something hot to eat. pretty pathetic.

· Vincent Gallo and Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore hanging out together around the bar at the Yeah Yeah Yeah's show at the Mayan Theater (8/22)

· Aug. 22 - Yay! My first real celeb sighting since moving to LA. four months ago. So, I met up with a friend for lunch at the delicious LUCQUES (I recommend the BLTA!) when I spy none other than sitcom-sidekick and Howard Stern guest Andy Dick sitting at the bar (in front of the windows, natch). He looks surprisingly healthy, the hair was a bit darker, no glasses, and he was in the company of two cute boys. I was staring inappropriately and he made eye contact and gave a friendly wave - I wasn't sure if he though he knew me or was just grateful to be recognized. I realized I was probably being rude and went on my way. The end.

· Michelle Rodriguez. Thursday morning. Sitting outside JambaJuice in the heart of Boystown/Weho. Sitting with a pretty young lady. Both in blue jeans & long-sleeve collared shirts (like men wear). Neither wearing a lick of make-up. Girlfriend sitting with legs demurely crossed. Michelle sitting with legs wide open. Leaning forward with one for-arm on the table. Kind of like how you'd imagine McSteamy (Eric Dane) would be sitting with a chick he wants to bang.

· Hey, if somebody can report on Mr. Belding at the Cat and Fiddle, can I chime in on my eehhh sighting as well? Sunset Junction on the Sunday the 19th. Saw Michael McDonald (nah, not of the Doobs / Steely Dan...much to my chagrin)...the one from MadTV. Hes tall, had a few people around him, and did not look in the mood for any Stuuuuaaaart-related requests. Uh, not that I'd do that anyway.

· Saw the girl who plays Julie Mayer (Andrea Bowen) on desperate housewives last night (Aug. 23) in santa monica at some crystal light charity thing. I was shocked to see a young hollywood start NOT out partying. Weird!

"He has his own unique bearing; you've got to know that going in," said "Smokin' Aces" director Joe Carnahan. "And he's not an apologist." [...]

"It's just hard to understand unless you're part of the club in a certain respect," said "I (Heart) Huckabees" cinematographer Peter Deming. "When people see this clip, particularly if you're not in the film business, they'd think, 'This guy's insane!' But he's not. Things happen when you're in this machine that's been rolling along for several months."[...]

Producer Greg Goodman, a longtime friend and producer on "Huckabees" and Russell's earlier film "Three Kings," said the clip was taken out of context.

"He's a very responsible filmmaker who wants to make sure we're coming in on budget," said Goodman. (And indeed, "Huckabees" came in on time and on budget.) "He is an individual. You embrace that."

It's ironic that at the precise moment Russell was demonstrating the maximum extent of his individuality, the flying desk implements and imminent choking threat made an actor/auteur embrace largely unfeasible. Still, if Tomlin was long ago able to make peace with her on-set adversary, shouldn't we all, and merely ratchet up the leaked footage to something akin to a front row surgical theater seat, offering us a rare and startling glimpse inside an open showbiz cavity, and the messy secrets of the filmmaking process within?

• Friends defend Russell as 'Huckabees' video gathers steam [LAT]

In today's episode: Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Rafaeli; Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Steven Spielberg, Kate Capshaw, Rob Reiner, and Sandra Oh; Arianna Huffington; Jack Nicholson, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Carson Daly and Joey Fatone; Mark Wahlberg; Luke Wilson; Lily Tomlin; Richard Lewis; Courteney Cox and Laura Dern; Mandy Moore; Johnny Knoxville; Jonathan Rhys Myers; John Krasinski; Hugh Laurie; Adam Brody; Quentin Tarantino; Molly Shannon; Michael C. Hall, Thandie Newton and David Leisure; Kirstie Alley and Sally Struthers; Brad Grey; Paul Dooley; Meredith Baxter, Tom Morello, Joe Simpson, and Slash; Elisa Donovan; Zachary Quinto; Kim Kardashian; Neil Flynn; Andrew Dice Clay; Monica Keena, Rachel Boston, Diane Delano, and Joel Michaely; Eric Benet; Haley Marie Norman; and Marc Horowitz.

· I was perusing the cheap put-it-together-yourself-and-maybe-die-in-the-process furniture at the Burbank Ikea and came across a baseball-capped Leonardo DiCaprio and his very attractive, though extremely young looking, girlfriend Bar Rafaeli . They were looking at mock room set-ups and shelving units. Wouldn't you think he would make enough per picture to afford ACTUAL furniture and not Swedish particle-board?

· Attended the star studded (?) premiere of "Distracted" at the Taper. Saw Tom Hanks with his improbable hair and extended family supporting wife-unit Rita Wilson (who was great). Also saw Sandra Oh, looking older than I thought. Rob Reiner, looking like Magic Mountain in a black suit, and Steven Spielberg wearing the same camel-colored corduroy jacket your science teacher wore and some seriously dirty shoes. Didn't have enough time to figure out whether this was a deliberate look, or just too-rich-to-care. Shiksawifeunit Kate Capshaw was skinny, but had a surprisingly natural, motile and attractive face. Hate her.

Arianna Huffington was there. Were she still with the gay husband he might have told her that peplums should skim the hip. Higher up they are doilies.

· Went to the Laker game on Sunday 3/25. The usual Hollywood hugging and million-dollar smiles. Sat in the B-lister section right behind Carson Daly and his two buddys. He later found Joey Fatone further down the row, they embraced and fondly remembered the glory days when they ruled MTV and teenage girls. Also viewed Jeffrey Katzenberg in the front row looking very upbeat despite his profits being flushed away. Andy Garcia walked in front of us with his daughter, he was dressed like it was a Knicks game...outdoors. Jack Nicholson's hair has grown in since the Oscar telecast. The guy next to me just returned from Iraq and got his seats as a gift. Glad he could enjoy an entertaining game.

· Mark Wahlberg having an early Friday lunch at Matsuhisa. Not that having lunch before noon is unusual but his cell phone certainly was. When was the last time you saw anyone in Hollywood with an old school cell that you pull out the antenna before you answer the phone? You can take th boy out of New England but you can't take the....

· Saw a ridiculously hot looking Luke Wilson last night (3/25) at Musha in Santa Monica. He sat at the sushi bar with a lady friend and another gentleman. They were all super nice and looked like they were having a good time.

· Hey Defamerites— Lily Tomlin was on my Souwthwest flight home to Burbank on Saturday (03/24). She looked stunning, sexy, and classy. With Tom Waits on the cover of Southwest Spirit magazine, there was even a little Short Cuts reunion to be had. Alas, Mr. O. Russell was not on the plane. too bad, because I'd have liked to see Lily kick his ass.

On the way home from the airport, we saw Richard Lewis being interviewed outside of the Laugh Factory. Everyone was in black, so we assume it was a memorial for Richard Jeni.

· This sunday we saw Courteney Cox, Coco, and a bunch of either friends or nannies taking up the big back table at Patrick's Roadhouse. They all seemed to be having a pleasant time with an elderly lady friend... who my wife later told me was Laura Dern.

· Sunday PM, LAX, heading to NYC on American. Mandy Moore in the security line with a bearded fedora-wearing hipster type. Hard to tell if they were 'together.' She looked great in no make-up and a simple cotton dress. Very 'normal sized' (aside from being tall) and hot. Sadly, she was not at Lotus when I went there after landing. Even more sadly, I was.

· 3/22- I'm about 90% sure that I saw Johnny Knoxville driving down Bundy in West LA. He had his typical tousled hair, cop shades, and the "I don't mind putting strange things down my pants or getting hit in the nads for a living" look. The only reason there was the 10% of unsureness (word?), is that he was driving a really nice Mercedes. Not exactly what I pictured him driving for some reason.

· 3/25, 4 pm. Saw Jonathan Rhys-Myers in his black Audi [A6 or A8] making a left onto Genessee from Hollywood Blvd. Made eye contact when making his left turn; hypnotic stare

· Spotted Jonathan Rhys-Myers last Thursday morning at Crunch in the locker room... but sadly, I didn't get close enough to report back on the important statistics. Nonetheless, I was having thoughts about cancelling my membership to Crunch— now I'm not cancelling it anytime soon.

Then yesterday evening (Sunday) at the Arclight, I went to see "Reign Over Me," as did John Krasinski (with a girl, but I couldn't tell if it was Rashida Jones or not, and quite frankly, I wasn't paying attention)... I kept craning my neck in his general direction whenever BJ Novak came on screen (who, by the way, is the best part of an otherwise manipulative, crappy movie).

· 10:30 Friday morning, westbound on Melrose and spotted him on a motorcycle pulling out of a gas station and it made the trip to Hollywood Chamber of Commerce breakfast worth it. One of the joys of living in LA is seeing 6' 3" of pure sex in the form of Hugh Laurie gaining on you in the rear view mirror. On his black Triumph and even handsomer in person. I rolled down my window for a good look and resisted the urge to jump on the back of his bike as he passed. My passenger thanked me.

· Saturday night, 24 March: An extremely Seth Cohen-esque Adam Brody was at HMS Bounty on Wilshire with a broad shouldered and brunette lady friend. No one seemed to notice him, despite his flamboyant hand gestures, and I concluded that the other patrons there couldn't have cared less about the vague celebrity in our midst. However, my companion had a clear view of the stairway leading to the building next door and said that every single person freaked out once out of his view.

· 3/25, Four Season around noon. Just finishing their delicious and insanely overpriced brunch ($140 for two people? Really?) when I saw Quentin Tarantino getting out of a white car. I should have paid more attention to exactly what kind of a car it was but he wasn't driving. Wearing an ugly green hospital shirt and horrible green jacket. Does he dress like that on purpose or does he really not know any better?

· Molly Shannon, baby Nolan, and nanny on JetBlue flight from JFK to BUR today (3/26). Flight attendant cornered her in the back of the plane to talk about "career choices." She seemed to be genuinely engaged in conversation with the attendant. Then later, she was knocked out in her aisle seat catching some major z's (mouth wide open). I'll admit it wasn't the most glamorous moment, but 30 minutes prior I know I looked the exact same way.

· a friday afternoon triple play 3.23 around 1:45 on my way down Beverly saw a very dark haired Michael C. Hall pacing in front of Shelter, was he thinking about how much things cost in there? Then on Fairfax turning into the grove Thandie Newton in a red porsche, top down looking amazing with no make up, yes i was that close to her. Then getting the car from the valet at the Grove (it is just worth the 8 bucks) getting into a lexus was David Leisure...what no Isuzu for Joe Isuzu!

Saturday, 3/23 - Kirstie Alley spotted at the WeHo Target at the intersection of La Brea and Santa Monica. She was in the bedding section with some woman who appeared to her assistant. She looked so-so.

· 3-24 Who spent part of her 30th birthday at Targay? I did! And so did Stunning (size 16 if she's a day) Kirstie Alley and Save the Children's Sally Struthers. I couldn't look away... from ether of them. (snap! I said it! owwwwww!) (I'm not a total freak, I just really love target!)

· Two very odd sightings that may not exactly make the top of your list, but hey, there's always the bottom of the page that needs to be filled. Saturday night (3/24) saw longtime TV veteran guest star/best-John-Hughes-movie-dad ever Paul Dooley coming out of Reign O'er Me at the Arclight. Couldn't tell if the one actor who appeared in Death Wish, Shakes the Clown and Strange Brew (thanks, IMDB!), but was still forced to take part in Employee of the Month enjoyed the Sandler flick, but hey, he was wearing overalls and holding hands with his wife, so all must be right with the world.

Saw Brad Grey of all people the next morning (3/25) racing his bicycle down the bike path that runs along the PCH from the edge of Malibu to Venice. Decked out in Tour de France-style blue Lycra from head to toe complete with helmet and wraparound sunglasses, I wouldn't have recognized him except that I'd seen him a couple of times in person here and there and you never forget the man who had so much faith in Norm MacDonald that he executive produced both Screwed and Dirty Work.

· Hi! A little bit late, I know, but I was at LAX on Thursday the 15th on my way to Austin for SXSW. While walking to my gate I saw Meredith Baxter, the mom from Family Ties, walking away from the gate next to mine and looking kind of annoyed.

While at my gate I spotted Tom Morello smiling and talking with fans who had approached him. I then got on the plane and passed by Joe Simpson and SLASH in first class. Slash was looking like, well, like Slash. Joe Simpson looked a little too creepy for me to do a double take.

· Bottle Rock wine bar in Culver City, Saturday 3/24: Sitting at an outside table was Sandra Oh, with a table of six or so, including Amber from Clueless (Elisa Donovan). Had no idea Sandra and Ambular were friends...

· Saturday night at a photo "gallery showing" at a trendy Hollywood coffee joint, I saw Syler from "Heroes" aka ZACHARY QUINTO. IMDB says homeboy is 30 - no way! On the show, I always thought he looked late 20s/30-ish, but in person he looks baby-faced and about 24. He was prepster/hipster cool sportin' a sweater and black horn rimmed glasses and seemed to be at this thing with a girl/date. Zach clearly knew the photographer, who I also believe is usually an actor type himself. This sighting made me totally anxious for "Heroes" to come back from hiatus!

· 3-25 Paris pal Kim "Oooh baby I'm gonna cum" Kardashian at Casa Vega in Sherman Oaks. Huge boobs hanging out of a low cut dress, heavy makeup, waiting for a table like everyone else. Maybe if Paris was there she would have been seated faster!

· A very tall Neil Flynn from Scrubs wandered in to the Robin Hood Pub in Sherman Oaks, just before midnight on Friday. He was with a contingent of other "very tall" guys. Could of fielded a competitive basketball team!

· The DiceMan Cometh to 24hr FItness in Sherman Oaks. Just clocked funnyman manque Andrew Dice Clay bellying up to the reception with his long-haired semi-surly son. Nice 'tude, tubs. They are soon to be reality stars, no?, like the Osbournes and Hulk Hogans. Whatever the comeback format, he looked way (whey?) burly with huge out-hanging shirt and amusingly frazzled hair and sideburns, now streaked with grey. Here's hoping to a meeting of comic titans when he bumps into gym regular Jay Mohr.

· Marix, Saturday 24th March — there was a huge party going on on the patio, pink balloons, drunken guests, the whole 9... sitting in the corner in a little celebu-pod was an odd mix of folks, including a sweatshirted Monica Keena, pigtaled and ginghamed Rachel Boston, animated Diane Delano, and slick-haired Joel Michaely. It looked like everyone was having a gay old time with a set of big blonde twins.

· Today I saw Halle Berry's ex, Eric Benet is Claremont, CA. He was entering the Some Crust bakery with 2 young girls when I was leaving. Both he and the girls were dressed super-hollywood-y; he's quite attractive though, and a decent height (since people seem to care about that kind of thing). The girls had on Harajuku Lovers tees and handbags, and True Religion jeans. He was wearing some sort of crazy-painted Vans shoe, jeans, and blazer. And I think embroidery on either his shirt or the blazer. They were all just a whirl of graphics. That's what I mean by super-hollywood-y, who else can afford to be so very trendy?? My friend and I figure he was in town to visit Ben Harper or something since Some Crust is a block or so away from Ben's parents' Folk Music Center. Woo hoo. Yes I know, not very exciting.

· Saw Haley Marie Norman from Deal or No Deal at Miceli's in Universal City. I have never seen the show, but people I was with recognized her. I just thought when I walked by her, "Wow, that is a gorgeous woman." You'd have to be gorgeous to pull off that 'do, and she does. One of the guys I was with wanted to go up and ask her if he could see inside her 'briefcase'. Hilarity ensued!

· [Ed. note: Since recent media appearances have featured a cleanshaven Jon Heder, we strongly suspect the following sighting was of accidental Heder impressionist Marc Horowitz.] finishing up brunch at Dusty's in Silverlake this Sunday, we caught Jon Heder of Napoleon Dynamite and Blades of Glory fame getting on his bike. He appeared heftier than I thought he would be and looked like a total stoner, long scraggly hair and full on beard. Isn't he a Mormon? He didn't look like a Mormon. Anyway, it could've also been his twin brother, Dan Heder. Oh and he was totally nice.

By now you have undoubtedly watched the now-infamous footage of Lily Tomlin and David O. Russell's love-in on the set of I Heart Huckabees dozens and dozens of times (if not, hey, there's a video hovering right above these words! Convenient!), delighting anew at every bird flipped in frustration and each heartfelt, profane accusation of directorial incest. The clips' rapid proliferation via the YouTubes prompted the Miami New Times to ask Tomlin what she thinks about having the three-year-old laundry run out on the interweb clothesline for a fresh airing:

"Oh my God, the one in the car is on there too?" Tomlin asked, referring to one of the two videos, which were shot during two different scenes. In "the one in the car," Tomlin tells Russell: "Leave me the fuck alone! Do you know what the fuck is going on, period? Fuck you! Fuck you motherfucker!"

"I can't believe the damn car is in there. I've never seen it. Is that when I'm sitting in the seat and really going nuts? Oh my God, I'm gonna die when I see that," Tomlin told New Times, laughing.

"I love David," she said. "There was a lot of pressure in making the movie — even the way it came out you could see it was a very free-associative, crazy movie, and David was under a tremendous amount of pressure. And he's a very free-form kind of guy anyway. [...]

"Adults have fights and go through stuff," Tomlin said Tuesday. "I know some people are more dignified in the world, that if you transgress against that kind of professionalism, that it's some kind of great sin, but I don't see it that way."

She called the episode "in a way liberating... now it's all over, and so what, and I don't have to keep up some great pretention I'm the most dignified, eloquent, elegant, perfect, smart-thinking, kind, generous person. I'm just a plain old human with a whole bunch of flaws.""

The suggestion that there were no hard feelings following the incidents was originally made in that 2004 NYT piece about the delightfully turbulent Huckabees set (excerpted here), but it's still nice to hear that she has a sense of humor about it and that even after so much time, Lily and David O. are all hugs n' headlocks. Perhaps we'll even get a new edition of the DVD soon, featuring commentary tracks over the footage in which Tomlin and Russell share laughs about the tense moments like, "When you came back in through that stage door, I thought you really might kill me! But then I realized we all have our process, and I wasn't really in danger. My next take was really spectacular, my heart was pumping! You're so good!"

• Lily Tomlin Reacts to Leaked Videos [Miami New Times]

We don't know how or why these two utterly amazing clips of Lily Tomlin and David O. Russell, the headlockingest, Clooney-feudingest director in all of Hollywoodland, sharing a couple of very special moments on the set of I Heart Huckabees (video whose existence on the talent agency tape-swapping black market we first heard about in a Sharon Waxman NY Times piece in 2004—more on that later) have suddenly surfaced on the YouTubes, but here they are, giving us all a taste of the existential cockfight that the Huckabees shoot seems to have been.

After the jump, the desk-clearing, c-bomb-dropping scene that unfolded when frustrated actress and fed-up, talent-destabilizing director had finally had enough of one another:

[UPDATE: The original clips disappeared, but they're reappeared elsewhere on the YouTubes. We've replaced them here with the new versions.

UPDATE 2: They've come down again, but are now back up; new videos via omg blog.]

Just in case you'd like a little context for the clips, here's an excerpt from the Sharon Waxman article (which touched off a spat between the reporter and director at the time; reading the whole thing requires a TimesSelect membership) we mentioned above giving some background on the complicated Tomlin/Russell dynamic that contributed to the highly entertaining blow-up. Spoiler alert: Despite the friction, no one was murdered during production—a happy ending that only enriches subsequent viewings of both the videos and the eventual feature film.

July 24, 2003: The Car Trip [...]

So far, the actors have been remarkably tolerant of Mr. Russell's mischief. As Ms. Huppert later observed in a phone interview, the actors knew Mr. Russell was intentionally trying to destabilize them for the sake of their performances. ''He is fascinating, completely brilliant, intelligent and very annoying sometimes, too,'' she said. They also know he has created superb films from chaotic-seeming sets before. Besides, he's the director and the writer; now that they've cast their lot with him, they really don't have a choice.

But on what is meant to be the last take of the day, Ms. Tomlin, who recently ended an exhausting run of her one-woman play, collapses into Mr. Hoffman's arms crying and doesn't stop. As he embraces her, the wails grow louder and louder, and finally it becomes clear that she is not in character. After long moments, Ms. Tomlin breaks the tension by shouting at Mr. Hoffman: ''You're driving a hairpin into my head!'' Everyone collapses in laughter and the take is trashed.

But the drama is not over. The car scene takes several more hours to shoot, and as the sun fades, the accumulated tension erupts. Ms. Tomlin begins shouting at Mr. Russell: she is unhappy with the way she looks. She wants to try the scene a different way. She taunts him with a few expletives and curses at the other actors too. Their patience worn, the other actors laugh at her outburst.

Later, unfolding himself from the back seat of the Chevrolet, Mark Wahlberg jokes that his next project will be a nice, easy action film.

July 31, 2003: Candid Camera

The production has moved from the dried-up swamp to the set of the detectives' office. It is hot and cramped, and the hour is getting late. To pass the time while a shot is set up, Mr. Russell treats the crew to a description of a baby passing through the birth canal.

And then Ms. Tomlin is berating Mr. Russell again.

This time, the director turns on her angrily, calling her the crudest word imaginable, in front of the actors and crew. He shrieks: ''I wrote this role for you! I fought for you!'' Mr. Russell ends his tirade by sweeping his arm across a nearby table cluttered with production paraphernalia. He storms off the set and back on again, continually shouting. Then he locks himself in his office, refusing to return. After an uncomfortable, set-wide pause, Ms. Tomlin goes in to apologize, and Mr. Russell returns to the shoot.

Unbeknownst to both of them, a member of the crew has videotaped his tirade. The recording makes its way around the Hollywood talent agencies. Asked about the incident later, Mr. Russell says: ''Sure, I wish I hadn't done that. But Lily and I are fine.'' For her part, Ms. Tomlin admits that both she and Mr. Russell lost control. ''It's not a practice on his part or my part,'' she says. ''I'd rather have someone human and available and raw and open. Don't give me someone cold, or cut off, or someone who considers themselves dignified.''

This must be the Zen part.

• Screaming Huckabees [YouTube]
• Screaming Huckabees 2 [YouTube]
• The Nudist Buddhist Borderline-Abusive Love-In [NYT, sub. req'd.]