1.) Chris Brown loves women.
He appeared on The Wendy Williams Show today to continue The Remorse Tour '09.

2.) The Unveiling of Charla Nash
Charla—who had her hands and face gruesomely torn off by her friend's pet chimp—was interviewed by Oprah this week. Her eyes were lost in the attack, so she hasn't seen what she looks like.

Also, while I generally love primates, the one who attacked Charla looks like an asshole.

3.) Slade's smiley

4.) Ben Affleck's cameo on Curb Your Enthusiasm
If you blink, you'll miss him.

5.) Tabloid stars collide

On The Insider this week, Jon Gosselin was giving Levi Johnston some "parenting advice." Earlier in the week on the same show, he went into some detail about his responsibility as a parent.

And he also talked shit on Kate's hair and kissing skills.

6.) Speaking of hair…
This kid has been suspended from school for getting an elaborate design shaved into his head. He is not allowed to return unless he shaves the rest of his head. His parents are supporting his "freedom of expression." Judging from the way he speaks, this kid needs a lot more school, and a little less expression.

7.) Men blame everything on our periods!

8.) This:

9.) Stephanie Pratt is growing on me.

10.) "It's important for women to stick together."
Faux-minism is not the answer for tackling double standards, when you don't even know what "double standards" are.

1.) Toes
Tyra had guests this week who get fake toenails put on.

And there were these idiots, who pay $65 a session to have their toes read.

2.) Mariah
She made the talk show rounds. She stumbled on Leno.

Then she went on Larry King Live, where she blinged out his logo.

And then smelled her tits.

Also, Larry serenaded her.

3.) "Where are you?"
Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew premiered this week. One of its cast members, Nicole Narain, was on The Joy Behar Show, where she answered Joy's question a little too literally.

4.) What happens when you slouch in Judge Judy's court.

5.) Cougars
The Insider is taking this taking this cougar thing way too far. Although, I do like the little glimpses of Wasilla townies we get.

Niecy Nash is now literally referred to as "the resident cougar," and for the past two weeks, she's been going on dates with younger men.

Is this supposed to be sexy? Chest stubble and exaggerated nipples?

It reminds me of when Homer got plastic surgery so that Marge wouldn't leave him for a younger man.

And his nipples cried.

6.) Heather from Rock of Love on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
She played a hooker.

7.) Why did Sandals have to ruin a perfectly lovely song?

8.) Jon Gosselin implied that he's on the same professional level as Mary Hart.
And she didn't like it.

9.) Kirstie Alley on her coke days.

10.) Michelle Obama is fun.

Franco is currently on the pineapple express to Homotown while studying writing at Columbia and taking some at NYU's Tisch School of the Arts. Word is that he enrolled in an undergrad queer film class, but missed his first session. Considering his penchant for napping during lectures that's not much of a surprise. If he manages to show up in future week's he'll be treated to learning about things like "'Bottom Values: Anal Economics in History of Black Neighborhoods' and 'When are Dirty Details and Scenes Compelling? Tucked in the Cuts of Interracial Anal Rape.'" Sounds just like a class from an all-boys Catholic high school!

Back in the day, actors wouldn't touch gay roles for fear of being labeled as gay or typecast in only homo parts. Franco's last project was playing a big ol' Mary in Milk and his next gig lets his limp wrists wiggle as gay poet Allen Ginsberg in Howl. And if his turn in gay indie film Blind Spot and as probably bi actor James Dean in the made-for-TV biopic weren't enough, he's even directed some hardcore man-on-man action. His last student film for Tisch was a dirty gay fantasia that featured a boy dreaming in graphic detail about the jocks on the basketball court.

With all this hardcore action, can his next big deal be signing a an exclusive contract with Colt Studios? Or maybe he'll cast future pornstar and gay icon Levi Johnston in his next film. That would be more priceless than a million Spider-Man sequels!

[Image via Getty]

While chatting with burgeoning gay icon Levi Johnston, on his show Cohen asked the kid if he would pose nude. He said he would "for the right money." Now Cohen said on the air that Johnston shouldn't do it, and he's young and he'll have the chance to make "more than $25,000 in his life." Don't be so sure.

Hey, Andy, don't get in between us and what's in Levi's Levis. The future of our happiness depends depends on us seeing the Alaskan hunk working his hockey stick on camera.

The $25,000 figure didn't come out of the blue. Last week not only did Unzipped magazine (the gay playboy) offer to pay Jonhston (an undisclosed amount) for a naked cover, but also Bait & Tackle, a media company that owns the website Straight College Men [NSFW, unless you work in a gay bordello] offered Johnston 25 large if he would come to Las Vegas and jerk off on camera for the site.

We called both companies to see if they have had any luck getting this hot commodity, and neither immediately responded to phone calls. Levi, listen to us. Don't listen to Cohen. This is the best thing you can do for your future. Do the porn, Levi. Walk into the light.

And that wasn't the only surprise on the show. Anderson Cooper, the straightest man in the universe also called in to talk about wigs, the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and his penchant for Latin boys. Actually it was only the first two. At one point, Cohen said, "Anderson, you've come out publicly..." and we thought for a second "Wait, Andy Cohen is going to fucking out Anderson Cooper on basic cable!" Then he continued, "come out publicly in your support of NeNe." Oh, damn. No out. But yet again, we didn't hear a gayer thing all day yesterday, and we watched three and a half hours of Project Runway.

1.) Adderall!

2.) The Stanky Leg

3.) Lil' Monkey

4.) Big Brother's Impeccable Montage Editing

5.) NYC Prep Schadenfreude

6.) Fox News' "Liberal" Views On Pole Dancing
(It doesn't count as "pole dancing" if you're using the pole for balance. Fair and balanced.)

7.) Good News for Gays
They have your kind in Wasilla, and Levi doesn't mind 'em.

8.) Gay Bitch

9.) La Toya: "There's Not Enough Aid For AIDS."
She is manic!

10.) A Hooker/Pimp Relationship Gone Awry?

You just knew this was coming, right? Sooner or later you just knew that the sweet and hopelessly ignorant kid from the Alaskan tundra who just wanted to float aimlessly through life hunting, fishing, playing hockey and banging chicks, would have his life destroyed by the sudden fame that came with having knocked up the daughter of the most ridiculous American public figure in the history of ridiculous American public figures. So very sad.

Renata Espinosa of The Daily Beast went shopping recently with Levi and his newly hired manager/bodyguard, an Anchorage-based lawyer, in Los Angeles, where they were "fielding pitches" for acting and reality show gigs or something.

Besides acting as Levi's handler, Tank is his personal Tim Gunn and Henry Higgins all in one, instructing him on the subtleties of wearing a fedora and reminding him to be open-minded about the different types of people he might encounter. Tank is the ultimate 21st-century version of an American father: multicultural and media-savvy.

Like the time Levi appeared on The Tyra Banks Show, with his mother and sister, and had to get his hair and makeup done, Tank had to remind Levi to relax.

"That was the worst," Levi tells me. "I had some dude singing to me, the whole time. He was real happy. Calling me ‘baby' and all that. I kept my mouth shut."

"I told him, you're going to meet all different types of people," interjects Tank. "Don't overreact. Nobody's going to hurt you. You gotta be accepting of all different types of people. You're talking about dealing with Hollywood? You're going to really meet some strange people."

To help Levi morph into the epic tool he needs to become if he has any hope of making it in Hollywood, Tank came up with the "Ricky Hollywood" idea.

Just so you're clear, when Levi Johnston is in L.A. with Tank and running around shopping with a reporter, trying on sequined jackets and pink fedoras and wearing bedazzled T-shirts that say "Go Girl" on them, that's not Levi you're seeing.

"What we did was, we came up with an alter ego, Ricky Hollywood," explains Tank. "Ricky Hollywood would iron his shirt." Levi looks at Tank and raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, right!" he says. "OK, well, I'd iron it. He doesn't know how to iron."

"We're not going to find my style out here," says Levi rather contentiously.

"Oh, yes, we will," says Tank. "We're going to find Ricky's style!"

No!!!! Just let Levi be Levi dammit and wear his jeans and t-shirts and baseball caps! He's been through enough—Leave him alone!

When asked by Espinosa about the Palin/Letterman controversy, Levi said that he didn't "think that David was trying to advocate any sexual misconduct of any nature."

You see—Levi actually gets it and is probably the only normal player in the whole Palin clown show. Leave him alone!

Shopping With Levi Johnston [Daily Beast]

I've been watching the news all morning, like everyone else - and i keep hearing about the issues related to 'teen pregnancy'- It's all related to Sarah Palin and her 17 year old unmarried pregnant daughter. Well, I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. Its distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.

I am concerned with the fact that Sarah Palin brought the attention to her daughter's pregnancy, rather than all world issues and what she believes she could possibly do to change them-if elected. I get Sarah Palin's views against abortion, but i would much prefer to hear more about what she can do for our country rather than how her daughter is going to have a child no matter what.

Maybe focus on delivering some words and policy with stronger impact like Joe Biden.

...On another note-the last note- i heard a woman say on TODAY on NBC that teens are feeling as if they have to grow up faster. Really? Because, i think that girls that are CHOOSING to be sexually active and are making a conscious decision to grow up faster..... I think that parents need to recognize how important it is to talk to their children about the things that can result from being sexually active if they aren't protecting themselves (birth control, condoms, etc.)

In the wake of her well-written rebuttal to her father, has Linday Lohan finally found a steady calling as a blogger? Her intermittent acting gigs may pay the bills, but we think that it's as an internet diarist (albeit one measured by the short stick of Myspace celebrity blogs) that Lohan reveals herself to be more than adequite.

[Photo Credit: AP]

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